04x19 - The Love Jones Connection

[bunniefuu]

I be straight with you.

I'm just--i'm just not happy any longer,

And I'm leaving you...

For stanley, hey!

Pam, turn the channel. This is too depressing.

I can't take it.

What a dog! After she bailed him out of jail,

Put his behind through school,

He's just going to leave her for a man?

That's wrong.

That ain't right.

Tommy, give me a chance.

, , !

Aah!

Baby, what happened?

I sprained my ankle playing ball.

Oh, martin, let me see it, all right?

Aah!

O.k., Martin.

Be careful. It hurts.

Baby, wait.

Stop your whining, will you?

I can't hear the tv.

[Sobbing]

Whatever you're watching, please turn it off.

I hate to see a grown man cry.

Your ankle is really swollen.

I want to take you to a doctor.

No, gina, I ain't trying to go to no doctor.

Just take me to mom's house.

She'll hook me up with one of them home remedies.

No. You shouldn't walk on that.

I'm not. You're going to carry me, scoopy.

Do think she could hook you up with a facelift?

No, but she can lift that tartar off your teeth.

Martin, I told you about showboating and showing off.

How did you do this to yourself?

Baby, I was flying through the air like michael jordan.

I did one of them reverse slam dunks-- boom--

Came down and landed on my ankle all wrong.

Then he woke up from his dream.

The man was running down the court, tripped on his shoelaces.

That's how he twisted his ankle.

It's a good thing shorty didn't have too far to fall.

He really could have gotten hurt.

Good thing it wasn't you, pam.

When horses hurt a leg,

They take them out in the pasture

And let off a few rounds.

Hold it. You're too violent.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Hold it, please.

Pam, don't upset him!

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

Whwh

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah, yeawhazzup!♪

♪ I'm the man ♪

Tin ♪♪

No, mama payne, I did not trip martin.

Ohh!

Look, look, look.

He really did hurt himself on the basketball court.

Yes, i--yes, I do realize you'll knock my teeth out.

I understand that.

Look, mama payne, you're fading!

You're fading!

[Imitates static]

I'm sorry. I can't hear you.

I'm going through a tunnel. Uhh!

What was that all about?

Martin's mother tripping as usual.

She won't let him come home for hours.

Usually, you have to pay exterminators to get rid of pests.

Watch your mouth, pam. That's my man you're talking about.

I'm going to miss him for a whole day.

We're newlyweds. We still have some honeymooning to do.

Don't make me throw up a lung.

Shut up.

Come to the movies with me

To take your mind off batty boy.

That sounds cool. What's playing?

Well, let's see-- dennis the menace to societyis playing.

No. I heard that was whack.

Look, the love jones connection

Is doing a live show from detroit.

You should try out.

Maybe you could finally find a man.

Oh, sorry. It slipped, girl.

I'm just playing.

You know that song by d'angelo called brown sugar?

Uh-huh.

That was about me.

I don't know what that running up and down is for.

Excuse me, brown sugar baby. I'm so sorry.

Just find out what movie you want to see.

O.k., We could see jurassic trailer park.

I hear it's all there.

What time?

Oh, in minutes.

We got to go.

Oh, I haven't been to a movie for a while.

[Sobbing]

That's all right.

Y'all don't have to feel sorry for me

In my time of need.

All right, sheneneh, what's the problem?

Did press-on nails go out of business?

You on.

You know I'm right.

Wait, wait, pam, wait a minute.

Sheneneh, what's wrong with you, girl?

Yeah, you never let me get away with snapping on you.

Don't try to act like y'all care about me,

'Cause I damn sure don't care about y'all.

Oh, come on, now, sheneneh, we care.

We care.

Look, tell us what's up. Come on.

Well, since y'all are so nosy, I'll tell you.

My man lafonz got back with his second baby's mother.

Oh, damn, sheneneh, I am so sorry to hear that.

Gina, hello. We don't have time for this drama.

Look, we could get to the real drama at the movie.

It's a trick.

Zaa!

Zaa!

You are the trick.

I be cracking myself up.

I just need--

[Sobbing]

There something wrong with that girl.

There are plenty of men out there. Now, stop.

Yeah, work it out. We got to go.

[Sobbing]

Oh, sheneneh, don't cry, all right?

Look--look, I got an idea.

We was just talking about

Love jones connection coming to detroit. Try it out.

That's my favorite show.

They be hooking you up with dates, money, everything.

Yeah. See, you should audition.

All right, gina, let's go. Peace.

Yeah, I guess you're right.

Because if lafonz see me on tv with another man,

He'll come running back,

And somebody may get shot.

But he'll be back.

He'll be back.

Look, sheneneh, here's the address.

Now, we got to go

Before we miss the beginning of jurassic trailer park.

Ooh, you know, that movie is so good,

Especially the ending when the dinosaurs come by

And do a drive-by on everybody.

Why would you tell the end of the movie?

I've had it with this girl.

Yes, I told the ending. What are you going to do?

Punks, jump up to get beat down.

All right.

Now, why are you going--

It is all right!

I'm tired of her mess! Look at her!

How y'all doing?

How y'all doing?

I'm sheneneh jenkins.

Oh, it's like that, huh?

Excuse me, but is this where you sign up

For thelove jones connection?

Do I look like I work here?

No, but you look like

You're about to get your a*s kicked off.

I'm not the one, o.k.? So you'd better run, tina marie.

I am not the one!

Hi, I'm renee. What's your name?

Sheneneh. Why?

Sheneneh why.

Ha ha. That's a funny name.

My name's almost like that,

Except mine's with an "r."

Ooh! I guess I'd be reneeneh.

Well, with that shiny nose,

They'd need to call you rudolph.

Oh, girl, is it really that bad?

Ooh, girl, it's worse.

It looks like you powdered your nose with armor-all.

Oh, no. I got to go take care of this.

Thanks, sheneneh why.

Terri icks?

No.

Denise rollins?

No.

Sha na na.

Hold up, o.k.? The name's sheneneh.

You would want to get it right, uh-huh. Uh-huh!

Well, I guess no other ladies showed up.

Oh, they showed up.

But they were tore up from the floor,

Almost made me throw up.

Since you're the only one here, I guess you're on.

What? Me?

Oh, my goodness!

Oh, my goodness!

I'm going to be on thelove jones connection.

I'm going to be on thelove jones connection.

I got to call laqueda now. Oh!

Laqueda!

Baby, change the channel.

We're going to miss sheneneh.

Sheneneh's cool, but this is much better, baby.

What the hell?

I thought I told you to cancel theplayboychannel.

I will after it goes off, gina.

Damn! How'd she do that?

I'm changing the channel.

[Knock on door]

You ain't watching that.

Sheneneh on yet?

I want to see how her date went.

You're right on time.

Why do you got to come over here

And watch our tv?

Oh, my bad. You can't afford one, huh?

You are just so childish.

Why don't you grow up?

Oh, my bad. You can't.

Now, you see, gina? I'll let you keep her,

But your pam got to stay off the couch.

Why don't you shut up?

Move! Move! Sheneneh's coming on now! Y'all, shush!

They're here!

Now, the man's who's made more love connections than wilt chamberlain...

D'andre simpson!

Go, d'andre! Go, d'andre!

Go, d'andre! Go, d'andre!

Go, d'andre! Do, d'andre!

Go, d'andre! Go, d'andre!

Hey, what's up, y'all?

I'm d'andre simpson, and this is the love jones connection.

Our first sister says she's very much a lady.

She says she likes a brother that's down.

She says if he disrespects her, though,

She'll beat him like he stole something.

Please welcome sheneneh jenkins.

Oh, my goodness!

Oh, my goodness! I am on tv!

I'd like to say "what's up" to laqueda

And all my homeys from around the way.

Hey!

So, sheneneh, tell us what you meant

When you said you like a brother that's down.

Well, I don't like those pretty boy types.

I like a brother

Who ain't afraid to scratch his a*s in public.

If it itch, scratch it.

It's yours.

The last time you were here,

You picked someone to go out with.

We want to find out how that date went.

Please welcome valentino watson.

[Audience applauds]

What's up, d'andre?

And how you doing, sheneneh, with your fine self?

I'm cool. How you doing, valentino?

I'm cooling, baby.

So, valentino, tell us how the date got started.

Well, it went like this.

I went to pick her up.

I got into a beef with this big-eared brother

And his bald-headed partner from across the hall.

If I see you punks again, it's on.

What? That ain't funny!

Who you calling baldheaded?

What's the matter, tommy? Are you bald and blind?

Well, he called you big ears.

He should have called me bigfoot.

He'll have a problem pulling my boot out of--

He wouldn't waste time fighting an ant like you.

He'll spray you with raid and call it a day.

You better watch your mouth.

Get up!

Get up!

Hey, hey!

No, baby!

Sit down!

Ow!

Pam, look what you did!

I'm watching the show!

After the altercation with the big-eared brother, what happened?

After that, I went to sheneneh's crib.

There was mad hoochies in there, all over place.

I thought I was at luke's house.

You knew you were going out on a date.

Why were those hoochies at your crib?

Well, brothers be trippin', d'andre.

So I had all my home girls over

In case he forgot I was a lady.

Don't you know a little karate?

No, I don't know karate,

But I damn sure know crazy.

Ha. Well, sheneneh, what did you think of valentino

When you first saw him?

Well, I was cool.

But on the inside, I was saying, "oh, my goodness!

"Oh, my goodness!

Look at this fine, dark chocolate, black--"

Hold on! Don't forget we're on network tv.

So watch your language.

Oh, my bad, my bad.

I thought this was b.e.t.

They be saying whatever they want on it.

What did you think of sheneneh

When you first saw her?

As soon as I saw her, I was like...

Mmm! Where's she been my whole life?

And when she turned around, it was love.

Sheneneh got the kind of a*s

That you could sh**t dice on, you know what I'm saying?

I know what you're talking about.

My wife got a little junk in her trunk, too.

How do you get your backs like that?

Well, I be doing squats at the gym, you know?

I like to stay cute in the face

And thin in the waist.

I heard that, baby.

Don't even think about it, d'andre.

Don't even think about it.

O.k. So you went out on a date.

Where'd you go first?

We went over to meet her neighbors.

What'd you think?

They were all right,

But this girl across the hall

Had the biggest head of all time,

Just a big lou rawls head.

It was a head of its time, headin' this way.

I feel sorry for her turtlenecks.

I'm having nightmares about this head.

I go to bed...

Ohh! Head! Head!

Head!

Ha ha ha ha.

No, he didn't!

Yes, he did. He went to your head on national tv.

"I feel sorry for her turtlenecks."

That's funny.

That isn't funny.

That's two beatings you got coming to you, valentino.

Yeah, boy!

Ha ha ha ha.

My head ain't that big!

Well, that big-headed sister sounds pretty scary.

Oh, that's nothing.

Her girlfriend's breath smelled like a bag of armpits.

What?

I--i can't believe he said that!

Believe it. Believe it.

It's like that?

Yeah.

Give me a grape.

Give me a grape.

Is that better?

Hey! Hey!

Hey! Hey!

It sound well, everything was lovely,

Until he took me to that cheap restaurant.

He didn't even have class enough to take me inside.

He took me through the drive-thru, y'all.

[Audience boos]

So, what's up with the cheap restaurant, valentino?

I told her she could supersize it.

I could supersize--

Yeah, you could supersize.

You better watch your mouth.

You better watch your mouth.

We love it when it gets heated.

That keeps the ratings up.

We're chilling in the parking lot,

Getting our supersize groove on.

That's when I noticed sheneneh was staring at the brother,

All in here.

Hold--hold up, o.k.?

The only reason I was staring at you

Is you have food stuck in your teeth.

Yeah, whatever, whatever, whatever.

But being the true mac that I am,

I put my hand on her nizzy.

Then out of the blue-- pow--she hit me!

She's lucky I didn't hit her back.

That's right, d'andre.

I checked that chin.

'Cause I told you I'm a lady.

And you don't disrespect no lady!

I can't believe how ugly this got. What happened next?

We rolled back to her crib to watchdef comedy jam.

I didn't want to go, but I felt sorry for her.

You felt sorry for me?

I felt sorry for you,

Because your jaw was all swollen.

Take it from me, valentino--

Stay low before you catch a halo.

Just tell me how this date ended.

I saw that it was about : in the morning.

I told her I was getting ready to leave.

That's when she begged the brother to stay.

I ain't lying.

That's because you were so boring,

I was scared you'd bore yourself to sleep while driving,

And I didn't want that on my conscience.

Boy, obviously, there were no sparks flying here.

So let's just find out who our audience picked.

[Valentino] yes! Yes!

[Audience applauds and cheers]

I don't want him.

Well, it looks like they've picked valentino.

If you two want to go out again,

Which I seriously doubt, we'll pay for it.

You should pay me for wasting my time.

I don't know why you're tripping.

You know you want to go back out with me.

Plus, we'll give you $ and a limo.

$ And a limo?

Wait a minute. I don't know about this.

I got to think about this.

O.k., D'andre, I'll go! I'll go!

This is very unusual.

Looks like we've made alove jones connection

And no one got hurt.

So, valentino, come and say hello to sheneneh.

Get away. That's how you got your chin checked last time.

Well, that's all for our show.

I'm d'andre simpson.

I'll see you when you pay your cable bill.

God bless you. Peace.

Stop playing.

Tell him to stop playing.

Yes!

Come on, sheneneh, let's split up this prize money

So I can get out of here.

All right, be patient. Here.

That's only $., Sheneneh.

We're supposed to split up half of $.

I can count, o.k.?

That's what you get for clowning my friends on national tv.

You don't know them like that.

$., Sheneneh?

I can't buy nothing for $., Sheneneh.

No, but you can get a one-way ticket

To get out of my faceville.

Now, poof, pow, be gone.

Sheneneh, can I get my money?

$.? I can't even buy dinner.

What am I supposed to do with $.?

I don't know. Supersize it.

Sheneneh!

Sheneneh!

Oh, girl, is it really that bad?

[Director] false start.

Same thing. And... , , , ...

Oh, girl--

Oh, girl, is it really that bad?

I'm there. All right, I'm there.

Is my line now? O.k.

I heard-- I heard you got two turt...

Shut up. I'm allowed one.

♪ You got to breathe ♪

♪ You have to breathe ♪♪

It wasn't you, pam,

'Cause I had to reorder a new horse trough

To feed you.

Oh! I wish y'all were recording this.

Ohh!