One more time.
Okay, first, I'll explain the tv commercial
With the story board.
Then I'll tell her how new jack bug spray
Kills the mosquitoes. Okay.
Baby, glad I caught you. Hey, you.
Baby, I got some good news.
Oh, what's up? What's up?
Platform shoes are coming back for you?
Yeah, and so islassie.
If you hurry, you can make the audition.
Martin, will you tell her the good news?
Yeah. Please tell me!
Baby, what's the difference
Between me and montel williams?
I'll answer that.
Um, montel williams, he's rich, good-looking,
And he could see over the curb.
Ha ha!
Oh, you wild.
I wasn't even talking to you, scary godmother.
Now please.
Baby, the only difference between me and montel, gina,
Is publicity.
But all that's about to change, baby.
O.k. What's up? What's going on?
O.k. You know the tv show,
Get the hell up, detroit?
They doing a story on me, gina.
Martin, get the hell up, detroit,
Doesn't that come on at : in the morning?
Yes, gina.
If you get the hell up, you can watch it.
A film crew following martin around.
They're going to be filming his daily routine.
Wait. You're not having cameras
Filming that raggedy old furniture y'all got?
Excuse me, pam, but there is nothing wrong with our apartment.
Please, gina,
Like that s "pleather" couch
Has got it going on.
Yeah. That ugly green couch is kinda loud.
Look like a martian threw up on it.
Look, laugh if y'all want, but don't worry.
I'm going to make the apartment look good for the cameras.
Baby, I got to look good, too, get my nails done.
I just want you to be
As fly as you always are.
Pam, I would like you to be there, too.
Aw, baby, how sweet.
Yeah. I mean it from the heart.
For real?
Yes. I want all of detroit to meet me,
My lovely wife gina...
And our family pet.
Bowoo!
♪♪
Wassup?
Wassup?
♪ Martin ♪
I am.
♪ I'm the man ♪
♪ Oh-ooh-ooh ♪
♪ Martin ♪
It's on! It's on!
♪ I'm the man ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Martin ♪♪
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
This rented furniture gonna make me look large.
Thank you very much. Now step!
Hey, step. Step.
Yeah!
Hey, martin, are you sure
You had to rent all this furniture, baby?
Yes, gina. Baby, it's image.
We got to represent.
Well, I got to admit, this furniture is the b*mb!
Whoa, whoa, baby.
Don't get too comfortable.
This furniture is for frontin', baby,
Not for sittin'.
The camera crew's going to be here any minute.
Let me go get dressed.
Just remember the signal, then come out.
O.k. I got the signal-- breakfast! Breakfast!
Whew!
Good morning!
All right! Breakfast is served!
Direct from maurice's cafe,
Just as you ordered.
Thank you, tommy.
My work is done. Bye.
I thought you was going to help me out.
Look, I been thinking, o.k.?
With the kind of work that I do, right,
I think it's really important that I'm not seen on tv.
Now, tommy, everybody in the audience knows damn well
You ain't got no job, man.
Now, please, just do what we rehearsed.
I wrote it all down for you.
Whoa, whoa. Martin...
You don't know none of these important people.
When I'm on tv, I do.
[Knocking on door]
O.k., Tommy, that's them, o.k.?
Uh, how do I look?
You look cool, man. You're cold.
Don't front on me. Am I fly?
O.k., Uh, check it out, man.
Who is it?
It'sget the hell up, detroit,
And our cameras are rolling!
Uh, just a second!
Remember what we talked about, now.
Ahem.
Eh, hey! What's happenin'?
I was heading out to the orphanage to hand out toys,
But that can wait.
Come on in--cameraman, did you get that?
Robby, get some shots of the apartment, huh?
Hi, martin!
I'm pico rivera.
I'll be producing the profile
We're doing on you this week.
Pico rivera?
Tell me, are you any kin to geraldo?
Who's geraldo?
Never mind, pico. Come on in.
Listen, the camera will take care of everything.
Just be yourself.
I keep it real all the time.
Let me introduce you to my assistant thomas.
How you doing? Hello!
Pleased to meet you.
Hi, mom!
I want to give a shout out to all my people!
Sign of the times! What's up, y'all--what?
This is about me, tommy, man.
All right, now why don't you
Go over my busy schedule for pico and them.
Go over your what?
The busy schedule that I have.
What the hell you talkin' about?
The schedule in your pocket!
Yeah! Yeah!
I got a little confused.
O.k. Here's your schedule.
You got a : meeting with colin powell.
Damn! Why is it at
Yeah, well, that's all they have.
Then at noon,
You're flying to chicago to meet oprah.
You tell oprah to make up her mind.
Is she on a diet or not?
She going to be grubbin' when I come to chicago?
I'll be sure to ask her that, o.k., Mr. Payne?
Say bye-bye, tom.
Bye! Hi, mom!
See you later. Bye!
Peace.
Why don't we walk on over and have some breakfast?
I say, it's time for breakfast!
Gina?
Baby. Detroit, I'd like you to meet my lovely wife gina.
She's a big-time advertising executive.
Boo-boo, this is all of detroit.
Oh, darling, I didn't know we were having company.
Get the hell up, detroit!
That's right.
Get your a*s up, detroit.
Honey, boo-boo, shnookum cakes...
Are you ready for breakfast?
You made me breakfast?
Oh, I mean...
That is so sweet.
You know he does this every morning?
What a man, what a man!
Baby, what did you make today?
You know, I made a little something-some.
You know marty-mar throw down.
What the hell is this?
You know, sometime I cook stuff up so fast,
I don't even know what it is.
Oh, my stars.
Looks like I'm going to have to take it with me.
I have a very important presentation to make.
Of course you do,
You big-time executive, you.
Kisses and kisses and smooches and smooches.
Mwah. Mwah.
Mwah. Mwah. Mwah. Mwah.
So here's the premise-- two kids, playing by the lake,
When all of a sudden,
A swarm of mosquitoes attack them.
I like that. Go on.
Then, from out of the sky,
Our hero, a can of new jack bug spray,
Swoops down and says...
Look here, bugs!
Back up off the kids 'cause I ain't havin' it!
Then he pulls out a gat and starts blasting!
Brrr! Brrr! Brrr!
All the bugs fall on their backs,
Their tentacles going every which way.
Then they start gnawing and gnawing.
[Chewing noises]
Pam!
I think she gets it. Are you o.k.?
Not only do I get it. I love it.
Gina, it is such a refreshing take on k*lling bugs.
Thank you!
Thank you.
I'm glad I caught you.
I rushed down here as fast as I could.
Uh, martin, you rushed for what?
Wh-what's going on?
You forgot your briefcase, baby.
Ha ha!
Martin, I forgot this briefcase for a very good reason.
I haven't used it in two years, honey.
Today might be the day, baby, when you need it most.
You know I'm such a thoughtful husband--
Did y'all get that?
Thank you for the briefcase, martin.
Allison, I'm sorry for the interruption.
No apologies at all, gina.
I, uh, take it that that handsome man is your husband.
Oh, this is her friend pam.
I'm her husband martin. How are you doing?
Allison jones. My pleasure.
Allison, get the hell up, detroit
Is doing a profile on martin.
Really?
Well, you know, martin,
My husband and I love your talk show.
And you know what?
You're even better-looking in person.
Well, thank you very, very much--
Did y'all get that?
O.k., All right!
Uh, martin, thank you for coming, honey,
And bringing the briefcase,
But don't you have an important meeting?
Some shows to do or something?
True that. I ain't trying to keep spike waiting.
Martin, could we take
Shots of you with some of your celebrity friends,
Like, uh, spike?
Nah. Not spike. He a little camera shy.
Too bad, because we could really use some footage
Of you with some of your upscale friends.
Well, what about her?
She look upscale as a mug to me.
Didn't you just meet?
Pico, man!
I was playing with you, pico.
Um, allison.
Um, why don't you and your husband
Swing by the crib tonight
And have dinner with me and my lovely wife?
Oh! We'd love to, martin, and I think you and kevin
Will have a lot to talk about.
He's an entertainment attorney, and you're an entertainer.
At :, right, babe?
Right.
It'll be fun having dinner with a big cable tv star.
Aw, I'm just an old down-to-earth brother!
Did you get that?
I had no idea you were the one that convinced him!
All I did was put in a call.
Next day, jordan was back with the bulls.
Cut!
That was great, martin!
We got enough footage for tonight.
Allison, kevin, it was nice to meet you.
Hasta mañana,people.
Bye-bye. Goodbye.
Be safe, o.k.?
Thank you.
You know, kevin, baby,
I think you should introduce martin to some of your clients.
You know, that's not a bad idea.
You know, I represent some very heavy hitters.
In fact, a lot of them are coming
To our christmas party this year.
Why don't you and gina come?
We'll be swingin' and hangin'.
Ooh, I don't know, ally.
I mean, you know, our friends are pretty wild and crazy.
I was born to be wild!
Everywhere I go, people say I'm the life of the party.
We would love to come.
Great!
Thanks so much for tonight, gina.
Oh, thank you for coming!
So see you saturday?
Oh, definitely.
Thank you, baby.
Here you go.
Uh, what is the attire? Dressy, casual?
What do we wear?
Oh, it's, uh, very casual.
In fact, you could come naked, if you want to.
Ha ha ha ha!
Goodbye, everyone.
Bye-bye.
O.k. Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
You think they know what kind of party this is?
You heard martin. He's wild.
They know what time it is.
Yeah, you're right.
The four of us are going to have so much fun
In that jacuzzi!
We may not even have to turn on the heat! Mwah!
I appreciate you going with me to pick up
This champagne for the christmas party, man.
Uh, martin... This here ain't champagne.
It's champimple!
Man, the rich folk know the difference!
Not after a couple of bottles, they won't.
Just make sure it gets delivered.
All right.
Yo, boo! You ready?
I don't think I'm going to go to this party, honey.
I feel like a mule kicked me in my head.
Gina, I told you about standing behind pam
When she's feeding.
Martin, I'm serious, honey.
I don't think I could go to this party.
I really ain't trying to go without you, baby.
I'll come later if I'm feeling any better,
But you should go meet some of kevin's clients.
I guess you're right.
Be a shame to waste all this flyness.
Well, why don't you just take your assistant thomas?
Uh-uh. I done played the assistant once.
I quit.
What else you got to do, man?
I got a date with this new honey from my job.
Now I got to stop you right there.
You, of all people, don't need to be getting involved
With some woman who's unemployed, man.
[Soft jazz plays]
[Doorbell rings]
Hi!
Whazzup.
Martin! I'm so glad you could make it!
Thank you very much. Your place is so nice!
Uh...ahem.
Where's, uh...gina?
She couldn't make it.
She wasn't feeling very well.
Aw, that's too bad.
'Cause I was so much looking forward
To getting to know gina...better.
And who is this tall, dark, and handsome brother over here?
Tommy strong.
Ooh...
Nice shoes, tommy.
What size are they, baby?
I beg your pardon?
I mean, um, where'd you get them?
Uh, these old things?
H-hell, I don't even remember.
Well. Martin, can I get you a drink?
Maybe later. Thank you.
Tommy?
No--o.k., I will. Heh.
Oh, martini?
Oh, kevaroni!
This is shawna and cherisse.
Shawna, cherisse, nice to meet you.
Ladies.
This...is mr. Martin payne.
Oh. I always did like a little pain
With my pleasure.
Uh...you know, martin has his own...
Talk show.
Mmm!
Uh-huh, we know who martin is.
So y'all like to watch?
Oh, yeah, especially with the lights on.
So...martin, what's a good-looking man like yourself
Doing here all...by...him...self?
Oooh h* h*!
h*!
I don't want y'all to get the wrong idea,
But ol' marty-mar, I'm married. Yeah.
So are we.
Uh-huh.
So, um, do you come to these kinds of parties often?
Oh, yeah!
You know, I party all the time.
Every friday and saturday night I get my party-on dog!
You ought to fit in just fine
'Cause, honey, everybody here knows how to have a...
Good time.
Um...
This is a real nice place you and kevin have here.
Ooh. Well, tommy, wait until you see the bedroom.
We've got mistletoe everywhere.
Come on, honey.
I'll show it to you.
Uh, whoa--whoa--whoa! Excuse me, uh,
You sure that's gonna be cool with kevin?
Of course!
He's probably back there already himself.
Oh...in that case, I guess it's all right.
Mmm!
Hmm.
Psst!
Excuse me, ladies.
Where are you going?
I know, but I say, excuse me, ladies.
Excuse me.
Where's the bar?
Lady, you don't need another drink.
I hope you didn't drive.
No. I took the night train!
Whoo! Whoo!
And now I'm about to get into my thunderbird
And s-s-s-slide on over here to the bar!
Damn.
I guess everybody likes to party.
Oh, martin, are you into...leather?
Sure. As a matter of fact,
I just bought this fly leather jacket last week.
Ha ha! You're so funny.
Heh heh heh.
You know, martin,
You should see all the wonderful toys
That kevin and allison have in their bedroom.
Oh, yeah? I wasn't aware that they had kids.
Hey, everybody!
I'm about to hop into the hot tub!
Anybody want to join me?
Ohh! Ohh!
Oh! Oh! What the hell going on in here?
Y'all some freaks?
I ain't going to do no freaky-deaky stuff.
Yo, tommy, let's get the hell outta here, man!
Whoo-hoo!
Giddyup! Giddyup, baby!
Whazzup, man?
Tommy, what the hell are you doing?
Put the women down! Let's get the hell out!
Naw, naw, naw.
We just got here, man.
The party's just getting started.
You got to loosen up, man!
I don't play this game, man!
Let's go, martin!
Ohh! Martin!
Gina, baby-- sh**t it!
Get it all!
Baby, look at this!
This is just embarrassing!
You're really lucky you didn't get fired over this!
No, no, gina.
I broke it down to my boss.
It's cool.
They say I got a whole new audience of freaky people.
That's what they said.
I really hope you never need to be with somebody else.
Gina, there ain't no woman like the one I got.
And there ain't no man like the one I got.
Give it to me.
[Knock on door]
Aw! Aw!
In case you haven't seen it,
Your husband's a freakazoid.
Thank you, pam. I've seen it.
Well, I'd rather be a freakazoid
Than a freak a' nature.
Whatever, little daddy kane.
You want a ride down to the unemployment office?
'Cause you're gonna lose your job.
Head back to the wilderness. [Telephone ringing]
All right.
Hello?
Hello, mama payne.
Yes, we've seen the paper.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, I'll tell him.
Whazzup, gina? What did mama say?
Um, she said that
If I let another skank get next to you,
She-she's gonna cut me.
Oh! What a beautiful morning, y'all!
Good morning, tommy!
What the hell are you so happy about, man?
Well, man, I just sold our story
Toall up in your business weekly.
Wait a minute.
You sold me out for chicken change?
Oh, no, no, no.
Martin, come on, bro!
I wouldn't call $, chicken change.
You gonna break me off a piece of that.
, Baby, right here!
Martin, will you calm down, man?
It's me! I'm your boy! Okay?
You know big tom's gonna break marty-mart off a piece!
Peace!
Ha ha ha ha!
Remember, uh, uh... Do what you do!
All right.
O.k.
Oh, damn! Go back.
Excuse me--naw, naw.
All right. Now, tommy-- oh!
Go back.
This is comedy!
We have to...be loose, you know?
Let me get out the cool.
Let me separate. This is marty payne.