04x03 - Blow, Baby, Blow

[bunniefuu]

No, no, I don't want the same old show on a new set.

Look, I want a classy show.

Book the rappin' chihuahuas.

Get them down here, o.k.?

Hook them for me, all right?

I heard you was runnin' things.

I see you're still running your mouth.

Man, say what?

Oh, man.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Biggie smalls in the house.

What's happenin', baby,baby?

What's up, brother?

What's going on?

You the man?

sh**t, youthe man.

If I had your hands, I'd cut mine off.

Then you wouldn't be able to count

All that loot you making, man.

If you don't know, now you know.

That's right. Grab a seat, baby. Let's talk.

What brings you to town, man?

Looking for a background singer to tour with me.

That ain't gonna be no problem here in motown.

Only problem's trying to find a hotel

Where nobody don't know me.

I be havin' that same problem when I go places, man.

People be knowin' me like a book.

Last joint, a honey snuck in

With a demo tape while I was on the toilet.

Oh, snuck in while you were... [Straining groans]

Oh, man, come on,

Gotta move that, gotta move that.

Look, man, you shouldn't have no more problems.

Come stay with me and my wife gina.

Your wife?

You got married, didn't invite me to the wedding?

sh**t, that's a long story.

But since you're makin' loot,

You can still give us a gift, though, right?

Hey, I ain't tryin' to impose on you. It's cool.

You ain't gonna be imposing. You like family, man.

You sure gina ain't gonna be trippin'?

Gina don't trip.

I tell gina, "ah-ah-ah, hush all that,"

'Cause I'm big papa in my house.

I gotcha, brother.

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

Whwh

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh, yeah, yeawhazzup!♪

♪ I'm the man ♪

Tin ♪♪

Yo, I know gina ain't gonna be trippin',

At least let me

Take you out to dinner or something.

Oh, no, man. I won't hear of it.

Biggie, what you need is a home-cooked meal, man.

Look, I got this. Let me just go in,

Make sure my wife's decent,

Make sure she got on her drawers,

And everything's cool. Everything's cool.

Boo-boo, you home?

Hey.

Hey, baby, I was just taking a nap.

Well, girl, wipe that crust out your mouth

And give me the luscious.

Mmmmmm.

Hey.

Wow, hey, what's for dinner?

I had a long day.

I was hoping we could go out to eat.

Restaurant food, girl. That stuff'll k*ll you.

No, baby, I was hoping maybe

You'd cook up a little something

For me and a partner

Who's gonna be staying here a week.

Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Rewind that.

What's this, somebody's staying with us for a week?

So you're cool with that?

Baby, I never thought you'd--

What? Martin! Martin!

You just can't invite any old body up in here!

You can't invite anybody--

Hey!

Martin, you didn't tell me you knew biggie smalls.

Man, you know what? I was just about to cook.

Gina.

What happened to going out to eat?

Oh, man!

Restaurant food will k*ll you, man!

Y'all want some spaghetti-os?

Put some shrimp in it.

I can hook it up.

That's my baby, man.

That's my boo-boo.

Ain't nothin' like a home-cooked meal, man.

Those shrimps was bangin'.

It was all that.

Yeah, and you ate all the shrimps we had, biggie.

Baby, don't be rude to our guest.

That's cool, gina.

Me and dumbo here,

We been doin' this since we was little.

Aw, keep blowin' on my ear.

It's o.k., Baby. Where'd you all meet anyway?

I used to be on the wrestling team.

Yeah. A lot of people don't know that.

Slam...bang!

I be on the wrestling team,

But one day I looked across the mat...

Saw biggie...

So basketball's been my sport ever since.

Let's take it to the court right now.

I could take you with street clothes on.

You ain't said nothin' but a word.

Let me get the ball.

[Singing and humming to herself]

Gina, nice little voice you got there.

What's that, a little anita baker?

You just saying that

'Cause you like my cooking. Boy, stop.

You should do something with your singing. You could blow.

What? Hold that thought. Baby!

Honey, did you hear what biggie said about my voice?

He said I sound like the next anita baker.

And you do.

Especially last night,

When you hit that high note.

You don't remember that high note?

Especially when I was

Giving you the best that I got.

Forget?

[Knock on door]

Hey, hey, hey.

What's up?

Oh, stop.

Yeah, yeah, hey.

Oh, my goodness.

Biggie, this is my best friend tommy,

And this isman's best friend pam.

Whatever,earjordan. Step to the rear.

How you doin'? Nice to meet you.

What should I call you?

I love it when they call me big papa.

Ha ha!

You know what? I love your work, brother.

I love it!

You just changed that whole rap thing.

"Can't touch this!"

No!

What?

No, man.

What?

No, this biggie smalls.

That's hammer.

We had him on the show last year.

My bad, bro.

Excuse me, biggie.

Uh...anyway, we was about to go play some basketball.

You want to go, bro'? You want to hoop?

I'm down, dog. Got my gear in the car.

Let's roll, man.

All right, man.

Hey, baby,

We gonna go sh**t some hoops.

Pam, you want to roll with us?

Wecanuse a mascot.

You know what, brother?

I really, really enjoyed you in that film,

Krush groove.

Whatever happened to them other two fat boys?

No!

No, weren't there three of them?

That was the fat--

No! That's biggie smalls!

Girl, what was biggie smalls doing

In your living room?

Chillin', girl. He's in town

Looking for a new background singer.

Word? How can I be down at the audition?

Don't go there, pam. Martin already said not to bother him.

Since when did I start listening to martin?

He's only looking for professionals.

Although he did say I had a great singing voice.

Oh, really.

Yes.

That's because he never heard me sing.

Well, he did say I was the next anita baker.

Well, maybe anitafaker.

Excuse me. I'm sorry. Didn't quite hear that.

What was that?

No, I was just saying

You got a cute little voice

For nyeh-nyeh-nyeh around the house.

But we both know

Who's the real undiscovered diva here.

If you call nipsey's tootsie roll champ a diva,

Then go hang with your bad self!

That's not fair.

That was a great triumph for me.

Whatever, pam. You know--

O.k., O.k., What are we doing here?

We're best friends. Why are we arguing like this?

Yeah, we are. That's right.

We're two mature adults,

And we shouldn't be acting like kids.

Right. Come on.

All right.

Anyway...

Pam, don't tell anybody--

I mean anybody--

That biggie's staying up here.

Oh, please. I ain't gonna tell nobody.

Girl, promise not to say nothin'.

But I'm about to go on tour with biggie smalls.

Aah! The notorious b.i.g.?

He's staying at martin and gina's?

Sure is, girl.

Where the auditions at?

Biggie smalls.

Why don't you stop frontin'?

Say what? Biggie's at martin's?

Well, all right.

Word is bond?

Biggie smalls' in the hiz-house?

He's lookin' for a white rapper?

I gots to call all my homies.

[All talking at once]

[Crowd clamor] yeah, yeah!

Yeah!

There got to be like , people out there, man.

Yeah, they finally figured out where I live.

Oh, man, man.

Now I know what michael jackson goes through.

Word got out, man.

Everybody and their mother out there tryin' to audition.

[Humming]

How's everybody doin' tonight, heh?

All right, all right. Gina, that dress is fly.

This old thing? Stop.

Old thing, my a*s, gina.

I'm still payin' on this dress,

And where are you goin' with it on?

Nowhere, martin. This is just my, um, dusting dress.

Well, if y'all need me, I'll be right over here.

Dusting...

♪ And singin' in the background ♪

So, biggie, how are your auditions coming?

Why you want to know, gina? You are not auditioning.

No, I'm not. I did not say that.

I was just making conversation.

I'll be right over here.

Everybody wants to be a star.

It's a lot more than just singin'.

You gotta have the moves, the stamina--

Ain't that the truth!

You know, I just hate it when people...

Stand there all stiff.

You gotta work it.

Gina!

Gina!

What the hell is all of this?

What's all of this?

Nothin', baby.

No! You been drinkin'?

Let me see you in the back. Biggie, 'scuse us.

We're gonna slow it down just a taste,

But don't you worry, we'll be right back.

What's up, baby,baby?

Ha ha!

What's up, man?

Coley-cole, martin's partner.

That's cool. I thought you was somebody

For another audition, man.

Auditions?

Nah, man, come on.

Heh heh heh.

But...

Since you did bring it up,

I do have a little act,

And it goes a little somethin' like this.

Hit it!

[Rapper background music plays]

Oh, yeah. Ha ha.

I'm gonna take you back, biggie. Watch it now.

Ha ha!

Huh!

♪ Now what you hear is not a test ♪

♪ I'm rappin' to the beat ♪

♪ Now, me, my groove, and your friends ♪

♪ Are gonna try to move your feet ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh ah! Ah! ♪♪

♪ I am coley-cole ♪

♪ And I'd like to say hello-- ♪♪

I'm marty-mart, and I'd like to say,

Git your a*s up outta here!

We supposed to be partners here!

Partners? What you doin'?

♪ Biggie, biggie, gimme one mo' chance ♪

♪ Say, biggie, give me one mo' chance ♪♪

Ohh, man!

Biggie, everybody's buggin' 'cause you here, man.

I don't think I'll find a place for these auditions, man.

Man, please, this is detroit,

Home of the motown sound.

That was years ago.

Oh, h*, o.k., You go.

Well, anyway, man,

I'm sure you'll find who you lookin' for.

Why don't you have the auditions on my show?

On a talk show?

What I'm sayin' is

I'll turn my talk show into a club.

We'll hold all the baddest auditions there.

You'll get your singer...

Boom, my show will be slammin'.

I'm with it.

How we gettin' up outta here with all that outside?

Bam, bam, there it is.

We just saddle up pam and gallop right through--

Gallop right through the crowd!

Right through there.

Whatever...

Arsenio small.

Git outta my way.

Yeah, uh--

Git outtamy way.

What's up, biggie?

You know, I just came over

To say hello to my girlfriend gina.

How 'bout I call her?

♪ Gina-ah-ahh ♪

♪ What's up? ♪

♪ Whoa-h*-ohh ♪

♪ Gina-ah-ahh ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪♪

What's up, girl?

I heard you the first time, phoni braxton.

Why you say that in front of biggie?

Hold up, y'all. Now stop with the--

You handle your business here.

I'll go handle mine in the bathroom.

There's some magazines in there.

You look like a cheap-- oh, see what--

I know what you doin'.

My man's talkin'. Shut up!

I know what y'all doin'.

It ain't goin' down like that.

Baby, she called me anita faker.

What? You called me phoni braxton.

You can get one more girl,

And you'll be phoni, phony, phoné!

And you'll be phoni, phony, phoné!

♪ She'll be ♪

♪ A-comin' around that mountain when she comes ♪

♪ Comin' around that mountain when she comes ♪

♪ She'll be comin' ♪

[Chomping in time to the music]

Man, git your...

What the hell is comin' around the mountain, man?

We're lookin' for backup singers

For the biggie smalls thing.

Give him another round of applause with the apples.

O.k., We'll be comin' around the mountain when we come.

Anyway, we want to keep the show goin', keep that energy goin'.

Coming to the stage,

I don't know this young lady, so I doubt you do.

Give it up for--they say she's a bad vocalist.

Give it up for shontina turner.

Get outta my way!

The song that I'm about to do for you

Reminds me of a place...

Where I grew up.

Yo, what's up with that, man?

Well, uh... Don't y'all look at me!

Why not? You left the cage open.

♪ When I think of home, I think of a place ♪

♪ Where there's ♪

♪ Love overflowing ♪

♪ I wish I was home ♪

♪ I wish I was back there ♪

♪ With the things I've been knowing ♪

♪ Wind that makes the tall grass ♪

♪ Bend into leaning ♪

♪ Suddenly the raindrops that fall ♪

♪ Have a meaning ♪

♪ And I ♪

♪ Am telling you ♪

♪ That I'm not going ♪

♪ You're goin' off this stage ♪

♪ You're the best man ♪

♪ I said I wanna think about home ♪

♪ I've ever known ♪

♪ I wanna think about home ♪

♪ Man I've ever, ever known ♪

[Both singing at once]

Yo, what is up with gina, man?

I don't know. You the one told her

She was anita baker, man.

[Both trying to outsing each other]

Hey!

♪ I don't wanna go home ♪

♪ I don't wanna go home ♪

Let's give it up for shontina turner

And--

♪ I don't hafta go home ♪ shontina turner

And the artist formerly known as my wife.

Outta my way, you!

♪ I ain't goin' ♪

♪ No, no ♪

♪ No, no ♪

♪ No, I'm not ♪

[Each outshouting the other]

Everybody wants to be a star!

[Television playing music]

Cole,

Would you ask gina

To hand me the remote, please?

Martin, I know we went overboard on your show,

But, baby, it's been a whole week.

[Clears throat]

Cole...

Remind gina that I don't care

If it's been a whole week.

I still ain't sayin' nothin' to her

Or her little scoopball head buddy...

Next to her.

Well, uh, I'm not talkin' to gina or pam.

So, uh, tommy,

Would you please remind gina

That, uh,

He don't care if it's been over a whole week

And that he ain't-- what'd you call her? Scoop?

Scoopball.

Scoopball. He ain't speakin' to scoopball.

Wait, cole, why aren't you

Speaking to gina or scoopball?

Pam!

I'm sorry.

I don't know.

I was just flowin' with y'all, you know.

The whole--

Shut up! You know, martin,

This is really stupid.

I don't wanna hear it.

You clowned me in front of my boy biggie.

You should know better.

You done been to obedience school.

You got one more-- all right. All right.

With all this not-talking I can't hear the tv.

Biggie's on.

It was a tough decision,

But I finally found the lady I needed.

Her voice is the b*mb.

Introduce yourself to the world, baby,baby!

[Sheneneh] oh, my goodness.

[Gasp]

No!

Sheneneh!

You was tryin' to stick me for my papers!

She's doin' my song!

♪ And I am tellin' you ♪

No!

Shut up! She did it better than you.

Shut up!

Just shut up!

That's not funny, martin.

That's not funny, martin.

First thing, everybody get up off their seats.

Yeah, check it out.

♪ What? ♪ Throw your hands up in the air ♪

♪ What? ♪ Throw your hands up in the air ♪

♪ What? ♪ Throw your hands up in the air ♪

♪ Check it out ♪ check it out ♪

♪ First things first ♪

[Rapping]


Ute