06x21 - Couple Trouble

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪♪]

Singer:
♪ there's a time for love ♪

♪ and a time for livin' ♪

♪ so take a chance
and face the wind ♪

♪ an open road
and a road that's hidden ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

♪ there were times ♪

♪ i lost a dream or two ♪

♪ found the trail ♪

♪ and at the end was you ♪

♪ there's a path you take
and a path not taken ♪

♪ the choice is up
to you, my friend ♪

♪ nights are long
but you might awaken ♪

♪ to a brand-new life ♪

♪ brand-new life ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

Tony: ♪ here's another
saturday night ♪

♪ and I ain't
got nobody ♪

♪ i got some money
'cause I just got paid ♪

Tony, it's
friday night.

And you don't get
paid until tomorrow.

And ain't isn't
proper english.

Why do I suddenly feel

Like newspaper
lining a bird cage?

Come on, hey.

I thought we'd have
some family fun tonight.

Sorry. But I got
a hot night ahead of me.

Oh.
Oh.

Let me guess.

You and your
geek friends

Are going
to burger king

And jumping
on ketchup packets

To see who can squirt
them the farthest.

Shows what you know.

We jump on
mayonnaise packets.

Oh, hey, hey,
what do you say, sam?

Well, let's make--

Uh, let's make
some popcorn

And watch that
woody allen movie.

It's the hysterically
funny one

But underneath
there's a depressing message

That makes you
want to take poison.

Sounds like tempting
and good fun, dad.

But I'm going out
with bonnie. Bye.

Bye-bye.
Be careful.

All right, sweetheart.

Hey, mona,
how about you?

I got plans, stan.

Well, hey, angela,
how about you?

Thank you
for finally scraping

The bottom
of the barrel.

Sometimes the best gunk
is at the bottom.

Okay, hey, hey,
if you feel that way,

I'll go out
by myself.

No, no, no,
it's all right.

It would be fun to do
something together.

Okay, great, great.
Let's watch the movie.

I don't feel
like a movie.

Let's go out
to dinner.

I'm sick of eating.

Well, let's take a walk.

I'm tired.

Then why don't we
slip quietly into a coma?

No, no, I'm up
for something.

I just don't know
what I wanna do.

You know what
you two sound like?

An old married couple.

Ma and pa joad
were more fun than you.

grapes of wrath.

See you later,
deadheads.

Deadheads? I think not.
What are you kidding me?

Come on, let's go out.
We'll call some friends.

We don't have
any friends.

What do you mean
we don't have any friends?

I got
lots of friends.

Yeah, you have friends,
and I have friends,

But we don't
have friends.

Well, but we know people.

Aren't people friends
waiting to happen?

Well, that's very nice.
Who said that?

Well, it was either snoopy
or charles manson.

What about
that couple we met

At the kaminskys'
christmas party?

Oh, please.
Not ken and karen.

Come on. All they
did all night

Was talk about their kid's
toilet habits, huh.

How much poo-poo
can a man take?

Well, what about
that couple we met

At the parents'
association?

You know,
gene and patty.

Oh...
What?

They're worse
than ken and karen

'Cause gene
does the same thing

The only thing
is he adds sound effects--

Tony!

I got it.
I got it. The club.

The club, they have a dance
every friday night.

Come on, we'll down there
and dance, huh?

Aren't there any
other alternatives?

Sure. I can get ken
and gene and come over

And do some poo-poo stories
for you, huh?

Not a dance. Oh.
Oh, now you're coming.

[Dramatic music playing]

You know, angela,

I think we're one of the
smoothest pair out here.

Oh, mother should
see us now.

Yeah, old married couple.
I think not.

♪ oh, do, do ♪

Oh, my god,
that's a sharp heel!

Oh, I'm so sorry.
I feel terrible.

No, that's okay.

He's okay.
Really.

Oh, this never
happens to me.

Well, actually, angela
it happens all the time.

Let me show you
the contusions on my toe.

Tony!

Don't worry
about it.

I'm clumsy, too.

I'm jane.
Hello.

And this is brad.

Hi. I'm tony...
Hi tony.

And this is angela.

Yes, and I'm going
to sit this one out

Before I maim again.

Hey guys, why
don't you join us?

Oh great. Sure.
Great.

Oh, sure.

Whoops. There's
only two chairs.

No problem.
Come here, you.

There must be
another chair...

Another chair, yes.

May i, uh...
Thank you very much.

So, um, do you guys
dance here often?

Well, I'll tell you.

After a bad week
at the office,

We need the release.

Brad and I
work together.

Really?

Same here.

We've known each
other a long time.

Same here.

Six years now.

Same here.

And we can't keep

Our hands
off each other.

So when is easter
this year?

Is it march? April?
I can't keep up.

I know
it's after lent.

Oh, no.
Another slow one.

I wish they'd play
something with a beat.

A little motown
would be nice.

Ooh.
You got it.

♪ i got sunshine
on a cloudy day ♪

You're lucky,
yours doesn't do this.

♪ when it's cold
outside ♪

♪ i've got the month
of may ♪

Brad: so you get
to [indistinct]

Yeah. Maybe we should start
a support group.

♪ my girl ♪
♪ my girl ♪

♪ my girl ♪
♪ my girl ♪

That's--start
a support group.

Absolutely, yeah.

It is so great
meeting a couple

We can relate to.

Oh, well, we're not
exactly a couple.

Oh, did you
just start dating?

Well, this isn't
exactly a date,

Although we have
dated in the past.

Once. Last year.

Well, now you know
all about us.

All this chatter
has made me thirsty.

How about
some club sodas?

Oh, I'll give you a hand.
You behave.

You, too.

Tony?
Yeah?

Tony, check this out.

Why, why, why,
why, what?

Oh, brad,

This is so sudden.

I don't know
what to say.

I am going to propose
to jane tonight.

Wow. That's terrific.
What a great ring.

And I know what
you're thinking.

What kind of jerk
takes six years

To decide to propose
to the woman he loves?

I know guys
who've taken longer.

No, no. Don't make
excuses for me.

I think I know
what my problem is

I can't make
a commitment.

No, no, no.
Maybe it's not that.

I mean--i mean maybe
the time wasn't right.

Or there were other
distractions in your life

Well maybe the fact
that you two work together

Complicated things.

Naw. I just can't
make a commitment.

You think?

Definitely.

It's about time I started
acting like a man.

Oh, come on.

What kind of crack
is that, man?

Oh, I don't want you
to be too hard

On yourself,
you know.

I think brad is
going to propose.

Wow, oh,
that's wonderful.

He seems like
a great guy.

Oh, he's the best.

He's warm, he's witty,
he's sensitive...

Why am I so scared?

Well maybe it's because
your relationship

Is so great now,

You're afraid
any change will ruin it.

Or maybe you're afraid
marriage won't fit

Your expectations
or maybe it's because--

Wow, you've thought
about our relationship

A lot, haven't you?

Oh, hey, here they are.
Hi, girls.

Here. Right here.

Whoo...

What? What?

Nothing,
nothing.

Yeah? Well, hmm...

What?

Something, something,
but I'm not telling.

Oh, thank you.

I was going
to do this

When we were alone,
but I can't wait.

Jane,

Will you marry me?

Yes.

She said yes!

Isn't it
wonderful?

Oh, angela!
Oh, tony!

Oh.

Whee...

Going bowling?

Oh, h* h* h*.

No, it's another night
at the paradise ballroom

With bobby and sissy.

You guys have seen them
every night this week.

Aren't you
getting sick of them?

More to the point,

Aren't they
sick of you?

h*, h*, h*.

Are you kidding me?
We get along famously.

Famously.

They're fun,
they're lively,

They're intelligent,

And they don't have
any friends either.

That explains
the attraction.

You know it's wonderful
when you meet new people

And you just click,
instant friendship.

Oh, yes.
That's what happened

With me and
betsy ann mcguire.

We met in the third grade
spelling bee.

I mean we hit it off
just like that.

We were
both finalists.

How odd that...

Right before
the last round,

They found
her body floating

In lake schenectady.

She could spell
that, too.

Ironic, isn't it?

I think I'll go
polish my trophy.

[Doorbell rings]

Strange.

Hey, hey!

Hey!
Hi.

Oh, you
look gorgeous.

I beat you to it.

We're sorry, we're late.
It's been a crazy day.

Okay.

Planning the wedding,

And looking
for a house,

Trying decide
on a 20-year mortgage

Or 30-year mortgage...

It's like
we're making plans

That will affect
the rest of our lives.

Honey, we are.

Oh, hey, hey,
just remember,

There are no
interest payments

On your love.

Very sweet.

Hey, hey, and you know
what else?

We got you guys
an engagement gift.

Oh, I love presents.

Oh, let's see.

Oh, a picture
of you, tony.

Well...

No, no, the gift
is the frame.

Why did you put a picture
of you in there?

Well, it was--
it's a lot cuter

Than that kitten
climbing out of a shoe,

You know.

But we love the frame,
don't we, honey?

Oh, I like
the picture, too.

Where'd you get
that sailor's cap?

It came
with an eye patch.

Oh, oh, hey, let me
polish that up for you.

Oh, that's okay tony.

I can do it.

No, no, I got--
I got a new chamois

I'm dying
to break in.

Come on along
here.

Oh, brad,
she is so adorable.

Yeah. I can't wait

To spend the rest
of my life with her.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

I just--i had
to do that.

All right guys,
what do you say, huh?

Let's--let's really get
a leg up

And have some fun
tonight, huh?

Angela, your lipstick
is so smudged.

Uh, hey, angela, angela,
is there something wrong?

You didn't say a word all
the way over here in the car.

Uh, tony,
actually there is

And you are not
gonna believe this--

Uh-uh-uh.
No secrets among friends.

What is it, angela?

Uh...

The chimes of freedom
are ringing

Throughout
eastern europe.

Thanks for
the update, angela.

That's great.

Come on,
come on,

Sit down.

Thank you.

Hey, brad.
Here we go, huh?

Angela, please,
spread out.

I, uh, I like

To be close
to you, tony.

Awe, brad, there's
loving in the air.

You know it.

We got
to dance.

Oh, no, you don't.

He promised the
first dance to me.

Oh, that's right,
angela.

I got to boogie down
with the bride-to-be, huh?

Tony, I really
have to dance!

All right,
all right, angela.

Brad, she's all yours, huh?

Hey, and once you feel
this woman in your arms,

I'm gonna need a crow bar
to get her away from you, huh?

After you, jane.

Okay.

Back off, hot lips!

About before, angela,
I was out of line.

You were
over the line.

You were over the line,
you erased the line.

I--i'm sorry.

I don't know
what came over me.

I've never done anything
like this before.

It must be the wedding,

The stress
of the wedding.

I apologize sincerely.

I'm a wreck.

We can't decide
about the wedding.

I mean do we go
for sunset on a rooftop

Or sunrise
in central park?

Well, all--all,
I could say

Is either way
it will be great

Because you and brad
will be together

For the rest
of your lives.

Right.

Oh, tony.
You're so sensitive.

No, no. Really...
Really, I'm a cad.

Tony, what are
your pants made of?

Excuse me?

I just love
the way they hang.

Excuse me?

I wish brad had
a pair like this.

They're on sale
at sears.

Well, like this afternoon,

We're going over
the guest list,

And we can't even agree
on a church.

And I'm telling
you, angela,

I just freaked out.

Oh, well, I can relate
to prenuptial stress.

Oh, the night
before my wedding,

I had a terrible,
terrible anxiety attack.

You know what I did
I took a deep breath

And I said, these fears
are temporary.

Right.

But then of course
so was my marriage

But--i'm--i'm sorry.

That's not gonna happen
to you and jane.

You're perfect
for each other.

Uh-huh.

Oh, look, you're gonna live
happily ever after.

Yeah.

You're gonna be as one,
forever and ever.

Yeah. Yeah.

And ever.

Wha-what
are you doing?

I'm writing a message
on your back.

That was
the first letter.

That better not
have been the letter

I think it was.

I don't know,
an m?

No, dummy,
it's an n.

Well an m, an n,

Who can tell
on a back, you know?

I'll just whisper
what the message was.

You know
how to spell that?

Bye-bye.
Wonderful time.

Yeah, listen,

Uh, sorry to cut
the night short.

I'll call you
when my knee unlocks.

Tony, your tricked knee
kept switching

From one leg
to the other.

That's the trick,
angela.

Hey, I'm just trying to get
away from those people.

You don't know
the half of it.

Oh, no, no, no,
you don't know

The half of it.

Jane should not
be getting married.

There is a third party
in the mix.

I know, I know,
and I'm partly at fault.

Why do my pants
have to hang so great?

What are you
talking about?

What are you
talking about?

Brad wants me.

To do what?

Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

Are you saying
you're the third party?

Who else?
Me.

You--jane made
a play for you?

Oh, my! Poor jane!
Poor desperate jane!

Desperate?

Yes.

She was flirting
with you

To get back at brad
for flirting with me.

Oh, angela, maybe she found me
incredibly irresistible.

You know,
that happens.

Yes, tony,
I'm sure it does.

However,
he was writing

Lewd messages
on my back.

Who?
So was she.

Who?

He wants a picture
of me wearing nothing.

Why?

Who are you
talking about?

Brad and jane.

They both made
a pass at us.

Each of them.

Oh, bobby and sissy
are naughty.

[Telephone rings]

I got it.

Well, there's got to be
a logical explanation

For their behavior.

Oh, yeah, there is.
There is. They're nuts.

They're pixelated.

They're dipsy
in the doodle.

Cuckoo. Cuckoo. Cuckoo.

Tony, there's got to be
more to it than that.

Cuckoo.

Tony, please.

Oh, angela why did I have
to give them

That cute picture of me
in the sailor's cap?

Thank god I wasn't
wearing the eye patch.

All I can say is that
these two people

Should not be
getting married.

Oh, you're telling me.

Could you imagine
this wedding?

I mean, I mean, brad flirting
with the bridesmaid

And jane pinching
the priest.

I've got to wrangle
me an invitation.

Get out of here.

Oh, it is so obvious
what it is.

The idea of being tied
to one person

For the rest
of their lives

Freaks them both out.

They're afraid
of commitment.

You know brad let
something slip

That leads me to believe
the same thing.

What did he say?

He said he was afraid
of commitment.

Brad and jane
just called

They're on
their way over

You left your purse.

Oh, my god, no!

They're
bringing it back.

Chill out.

You know, maybe this is
a blessing in disguise.

You know, maybe we'll get
a chance to clear the air,

Have an open frank discussion
about their problem.

Oh, I don't wanna talk
to those people.

I didn't want
to see them,

[Indistinct] my mind.

Tony!

Tony, where
is your compassion?

Don't you see,

When jane was playing
with your pants,

It was a cry
for help.

I heard it called a lot
of things, angela.

But that's
a new one.

Well, hypothetically
speaking,

If you were engaged
to be married

And you found out
that your fiancee

Was flirting
with another man,

Wouldn't you
want to know?

Well, of course
absolutely.

Then I could
k*ll her, k*ll him,

Get my ring back,
and then be on my way.

Hypothetically
speaking of course.

Of course.

And if you fell
for a ravishing,

Beautiful woman,

Your fiancee would
have the right to know.

Well, yeah.
Sure, angela.

But this is what you
call a moot point.

Because when I make
a commitment, it sticks.

Well, I'm the same way,

But not everybody in the world
is like us, tony.

Uh, I just think
that jane maybe scared

Of the finality
of it all.

But there's really nothing
to be scared of.

Well, she's gonna
be looking

At that man's face,

Attractive
though, it may be,

Every single morning
for the rest of her life.

You know, you--you might
have a point here.

I mean brad's got to have
his doubts, too.

I mean he'll be permanently
indentured to one woman

For the rest
of his life.

And I'm sure

Jane must feel like
she's living in a void.

No light, no air,
no space to move

Well she might
as well not buy

Sexy underwear anymore.

Then, what about brad?

Don't you think
he feels that way,

Like he's underwater?

Like, he's sinking
into the abyss.

Like there's no oxygen.
He can't breathe, you know.

His--his eyes start
to bulge.

And then, suddenly,
his lungs explode.

Glub!

He's married.

Is it me,

Or is it stuffy
in here?

Like a coffin!

Ahh...
Ahh...

Oh my god.
It's brad and jane.

Oh, no.
What are we gonna do?

Get down. Get down.

What?

Tony?
Shh. Shh.

[Doorbell rings]

Tony, we can't
do this.

This is ridiculous.

We can't hide
and cower in the dark.

Okay, angela,
okay, come on.

Let's be adults.

Let's be adults.

Thank you.
Just a couple--

We have got
to deal with this.

I know. You're right.
You're right.

You're right.
You're right.

Get some help.

Well...

That wasn't so hard.

Uh, you know,
uh, angela,

What?

You know, maybe,
uh, brad's lungs

Wouldn't explode if--if he found
the right woman.

And maybe jane
would still buy

Sexy underwear if she
found the right man.

Yeah.
Yeah.

Well. So, wanna go
to the movies?

Nah.

How about, let's stay in.
Too many weirdos out there.

Tony: who's the boss?
will be back in a moment.
Stick around.

You know,
not for nothing, angela

But, uh, I don't--

I don't get it
how this guy brad

Could just grab you
and kiss you like that.

Yeah? Well, he did.

Yeah, well then
you know, not for nothing,

But that stuff only happens
in the movies.

And you know it.

Well, tony, it was just
like he just turned and...

Angela?

Your lipstick's
smudged.

Yours, too.

[Theme music playing]