06x13 - Sam Accelerates

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

♪ there's a time for love ♪
♪ and a time for livin' ♪

♪ so take a chance
and face the wind ♪

♪ an open road and
a road that's hidden ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

♪ there were times ♪

♪ i lost a dream or two ♪

♪ found the trail ♪

♪ and at the end was you ♪

♪ there's a path you take
and a path not taken ♪

♪ the choice is
up to you, my friend ♪

♪ the nights are long
but you might awaken ♪

♪ to a brand-new life ♪

♪ brand-new life ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

Okay. Okay.

Which one is screaming,

"I'm looking
for a good time?"

Angela, the last time

One of your dress
had a good time

Was when it pressed up
against tony's suit

At the cleaners.

Wear the red one, it's sexier.

I'll wear the blue.

I don't want to give dwayne
any ideas.

Dwayne?
Dwayne mundello?

That client
who looks like

A middle-aged
howdy doody?

I feel sorry for him.

He's so awkward
with women.

Oh, do you know
what happened

At the last sales meeting
we went to?

Let me guess.

Buffalo bob said,

"Come back here
with that dummy."

No, he got this strange
sneer on his lips

And he tried
to kiss me.

Forget the dress,
wear garlic.

You guys are not
gonna believe this.

Today my guidance
counselor said

That my psats
are so good,

That I qualify
for the asp.

That's wonderful.

You must have had
terrific nmsqts.

And a great gpa.

This is giving me pms.

Would you please
talk in words?

My grades
and my test scores

Are high enough
to qualify

For the accelerated
scholastic program.

That is so terrific.

Do you know? Only the best
and brightest students

Are asked to join.
I was in it.

Do you wanna hear
the best part?
Uh-hmm.

I get to graduate
from high school

A year early.

Uh-oh.

You know how
your father feels

About you
growing up too fast.

Or at all.

Oh, am I glad
you're here.

You're never believe
what happened to me today.

I'm in the men's room
at school, right?

When all of a sudden,

Six giant guys
come bursting in,

They're all wearing
dark shades

And carrying
walkie-talkies, right?

And then--
and then he came in,

As big as life,

Standing as close
as I am to you.

Who?

The heavyweight champion
of the world.

You met
"iron" mike tyson?

Oh, met him, mona?
Met him, huh?

Are you kidding?

We stood
shoulder to shoulder, huh?

You know what?

He may very well
be a lefty.

And then he spoke to me.
Well, what did he say?

He said,
"where are the paper towels?"

It was, ah, incredible.

Um, dad,
tony: yeah.

I've got great news.

What, honey?

I was accepted
into the accelerated

Scholastic program
at school.

Oh, honey, that is...

You know sweetheart,
every time I think

That you've made me
as proud

As I possibly can be,

You go out and do something
that makes me even prouder.

Oh, sweetheart,
I'm so...

Ohh.

And I get to graduate
from high school

A year early.

A-- a year?

A-- a year?

You're saying a year?

Yes, dad, a year.

A year? A-- a year?

Do you know
what that means?

It means she's
going to graduate

A year early.

But honey, you're--
you'll be missing your prom.

You'll have to--
you have to leave

All your--
all your friends behind.

You'll-- you'll miss
that all-important

Goof off senior year.

Dad, I don't mind.

I've already been
to a prom.

And I'll make
new friends and...

Believe me, I've goofed off
plenty in my day.

Oh, gee, i--i don't know,
I mean, a year.

I mean,
a whole-- it's a year.

Remember when my grades
weren't so good

And you gave me
this pep talk saying,

That if I tried
my hardest,

I could be smarter
than even smart kids?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, I've done it.

I'm officially smart.

Oh, well,
I guess you have, huh?

Hey, not for nothing,
you know,

Apple trees
make apples, you know.

I, uh,
I don't mean to brag,

But i-- I did skip
the second grade.

You never told me that.

Well, uh,
it all evened out

When I spent two years
in the 10th, you know.

So it's settled?

You're okay with me
graduating from high school

A year early?

Well, it's kind of,
you know, a new concept,

But, uh,
but it's--it's growing on me.

It's--it's growing,
it's growing.

It's here.
[Chuckles]

Okay, sweetheart,
I'm--i'm with you all the way.

And, hey, I am
officially proud of you.

Oh.

Oh, hiya, guys.

You know, I'm never gonna--

My french class
is driving me nuts.

All these words
I'll never learn

With the le,
the la, the les...

Not to mention il,
ils, nous, vous, tu.

And don't forget
everybody's favorite--

[Gurgling]

My mouth just wasn't
made for french.

Mine was.

You learned italian.
Well, that was easy.

When I was a kid,
they yelled at me in italian.

You want me to yell
at you in french?

antoine! Antoine!

It's not the same.

So, uh, how--
how's the college search going?

We're trying
to find one

With an enriched
academic environment.

Checking
male/female ratios, huh?

Boy, mr. Micelli
that mind of yours

Is razor thin.
Tony: [chuckles]

No, no, no.

That's sharp, bonnie.
Razor sharp.

Thank you.

Let me--let me see
this list here.

What do you got--
what you...

Oh, ucla. Hmm.

What's wrong
with ucla?

Oh, nothing, nothing.

Maybe someday
they'll find out

That smog
is good for you.

Dad.
Oh, no, no.

Hey, it's your list.
Anyplace you want to go--

Arizona?

Sam, aren't we picking
any schools

That aren't out west?

Sure, some are in europe.

What?
That's nothing.

One of them
is in switzerland.

But sam...

Bonnie,
in years to come,

When you're refrying beans
at the taco barn,

You will look back
on this discussion

And not remember it.

Don't be so sure.

Sam, i--i can't afford

To send you to switzerland
for school.

I can't even afford
their chocolate.

Dad, don't worry.

I'm not going
to any school

That won't offer me
a scholarship.

Oh, sam, accelerating,
I like.

Accelerating


I'm not sure about.

Dad, you see,

That's why they call it
going away to college.

Because you actually
go away.

So far?

Dad, I know this
is hard for you.

But I promise before
I make my final decision,
we'll talk.

Now, you have a french
major test tomorrow,

Young man.
Oh, yeah, geez.

I'll be up
in a little bit

To help you
conjugate verbs.

Oh, sam,
you're so smart, you know?

No wonder you're going
to college early.

You'll probably
graduate before me.

Hey, hey, sam,
just remember them

Three little words.

I know, I love you.

No, no,
university of connecticut.

You guys have
the neatest relationship.

Yeah, well,
we kind of grew up together.

It'll be really weird
for him when you go,

And he'll be so lonely.

Maybe at first.

I mean,
but he'll be okay.

He'll always
have angela.

They'll always
be together.

How do you know that?

It's not like
they're married.

[Chuckles]
it doesn't matter.

They're like two peas
in a pod.

You know, that raises
an interesting question,

Are there really only
two peas in a pod?

And how come they don't say
three peas in a pod?

Bonnie.

Oh, sure. When I try
to get intellectual,

You look down on me.

Thank you, dwayne.

No, thank you.
It was a wonderful date.

It wasn't a date,

There were


It was
a sales meeting.

We went in the same car.

I'll give you that.

Well, good night,
dwayne.

Uh, aren't you
going to ask me in?

Well, uh, you know,
it's getting kind of late

And I have a
very big day tomorrow.

What is that
enchanting scent?

It's ban roll-on.

I don't--
I don't wear perfume.

It gives me a rash.

I'm thinking of doing
something rash, myself.

Don't.

Good night, dwayne.

What is she doing
with that guy?

They were kissing.

You've really
gotta get out more.

What about dad?

Oh, yeah.

Looks like there's another
pea in the pod.

Hey, nimrod.

I was wondering...

...what do you think
things are gonna be like,

Once I go away
to college?

The same,
only a lot better.

Are you gonna miss me?

I mean, we are kind of
like brother and sister.

Please,
not while I'm eating.

I was just wondering...

...if you think that
your mom and my dad

Will ever get married?

Married?

Well, it just seems to me
that it's time for them
to make a commitment.

I mean, they do belong
to together.

Oh, I see
where you're going,

Well, listen up, missy,

The house, the jag,
and the business,

They're all going to me.

Then I might as well
take this.

[Mr. Lonely plays]

♪ lonely ♪

♪ i'm mr. Lonely ♪

♪ i have nobody ♪

♪ for my own-ah ♪

Good morning.
Good morning, dad.

Sorry. I, uh,
I was just singing.

What--what's with the cereal?

It's my legacy.

Come here.
Look honey,

Since, uh--
I was thinking,

Since you got your mind set
on going away to college--

Not that I want you to,
but since you do,

I, uh, I figure
every christmas

I'll scrape together the money
to fly you home, you know,

Of course, if you were
in the tri-state area,

The money I could save
on plane fare

Could probably
buy you a miata,

But hey,

That's, uh, you know,
that's your decision.

So you mean
you, angela, mona,

And jonathan and I

Will always spend
christmas together?

Well, maybe, maybe not.

I mean, you never know
what they're gonna be doing.

They may have plans
of their own.

Yeah, but wouldn't
their plans include you?

Well, maybe, maybe not.

But one thing's for sure...

My plans will always
include you.

Don't you think,
it'll be weird for us

Not to spend
so much time together.

Oh, ah...

Sounds like somebody's
starting to have second thoughts

About going so far away
for college, huh?

Dad.
What's the matter?

Swiss u. Isn't sounding
so hot anymore, huh? [Laughs]

No, dad, that's not it.

Okay, okay. Anything you say,
miss accelerator, huh.

Hey, look,
I gotta get to school.

You're nipping
at my heels, huh?

By the way...

Have I told you lately
how proud I am of you?

Yes, but I'm sure
that won't stop you

From doing it again.

Hey, hey, I'm finished.
I'm finished. And I forgot--

I forgot to tell you.

Mwah. I'm so--
I'm taking the cereal.

Oh, morning, sam.
I'll see you tonight.

Um, angela,
can I ask you a question?

Uh, well, can it wait, honey?

Actually, I have--i have
a big meeting in the city.

What are your intentions
towards my father?

Let's talk.

[Sighs]

It's just...

You've known each other
for a while now.

Yeah.

And you live together.

I--i mean, you know,
you don't live together

But you do live together.

Yeah.

And i...

I always thought

That you guys
would get married.

Yeah?

So?

Well, uh, we--we did
talked about it once.

Remember when we
were all in jamaica?

Was that while you and dad
were making out on the bench?

Well,
we weren't making out.

We were talking
passionately.

No! We were
passionately talking.

We weren't passionate.
We were sincere.

How much did you see?

Not much.
The people from the tour bus

Were blocking our view.

So...

What did you guys decide
about marriage?

We decided not to decide
for right now.

Do you know when
you might decide?

I'd--i'd say soon.

No, no,
i--i shouldn't say that.

Probably later.

So the only thing
you could say for sure is...

Sooner or later.

Okay. So sooner or later
your gonna to decide

Whether you may
or may not get married?

Exactly.

I'm so glad
we cleared that up.

Oh, sam, honey,

I'm--i'm sorry
for being so oblique.

It's just, uh...

You know,
your father and I

Have this very
complicated...

Open-ended evolving
relationship

That's kind
of in flux,

And, um, we just
don't know

Where it will
end up.

Understand?

I think I do.

Ooh. [Laughs]

Ooh.

[Chuckles]

Sorry.

[Grunting]

"Waiter, water please."

garcon, carafe d'eau
s'il vous plait.

"Waiter,
two coffees please."

garcon, deux cafes
s'il vous plait.

I'd like to stop now.

je voudrais arreter
maintenant.

No, no, I mean I'd really
like to stop now.

non, non. Tu comprends

je voudrais arreter
maintenant.

Tony!

tony!

Hey, look what
just came for mom

From some guy
named dwayne.

[Tony and mona laughing]

Oh, poor angela.

Yeah, you know they say

Into each life
a little dwayne must fall.

That's pretty funny
but the joke wouldn't work

If his name was larry.

You rotten...

Hi, there.

Mona: hey, kiddo,
how was school today?

Good. Real good.

Real, real, real good.

Well, I see that
thesaurus I got you

Is paying off, huh?

I dropped
the accelerated program.

You--you dropped out
of the program?

Why? I mean, I thought
you were so excited

About going
to college early.

Dad, it was too much work.

I mean, the pressure
was k*lling me.

I'm really stressed out.

I was having
accelerated nightmares

Where people were walking
very fast to class

And I was in slo-mo.

Are you naked?

No.

Oh. Can't relate.

Honey, if--if the, uh,

If that program
was too much pressure,

Then, yeah,
by all means drop it.

You know, it's very admirable
and very adult of you

To recognize
your limitations.

Have I told you
how proud I am of you lately?

Not for the past
six or seven seconds.

Oh, the--the poor kid.

This--this must be
really rough on her.

Aw, you love it.

You get to keep her
one more year.

Yeah, right!

♪ oh, dwayne dwops
keep fallin' on my head ♪

Oh, great news.
Great news.

Uh, we're gonna have sam
around here
for an extra year.

What happened?
Oh, well...

I--i guess she's nervous
about leaving the nest.

And who can blame her?
You know, when you got
a daddy bird like me?

Oh, by the way,

You got some flowers
from dodo bird.

Oh dear,
how does this happen?

I don't give them
any encouragement.

Well, angela,
your--your very being

Is provocation enough,
you know?

Yeah, but still...

Hi, is sam home yet?

Tony: oh, yes, sweetheart.
She's upstairs.

Ooh! Nice flowers.

Are they from the guy
you were kissing last night?

You were kissing
howdy doody?

No, howdy kissed me.

Oh. Oh, really?

Maybe I'll just
go upstairs.

Oh. Oh,
I get it now.

Sam saw us kissing.

And that's why she asked

If you and I
were getting married.

Wait a-- sam asked you
if we were getting married?

Really? Well,
what--what did you tell her?

What--what do you mean
what did I tell her?

What would you
have told her?

Well, I would have
told her that, uh,

The subject has come up,

But, uh, we, uh, you know,

We haven't made up
our minds yet.

Oh, that's what I told her.

You told her that?
Oh, my god!

I gotta go
talk to her now.

And you, mind where
you put them lips.

[Knocks on door]

Uh, oh bonnie, uh...

Can i--can I speak
to sam alone please?

Oh, sure.
Tony: thanks.

Um, sam...
Mr. Micelli?

Yeah?

Don't be sad.

I'm sure mr. Doody
means nothing to her.

She told you
what we saw last night, dad?

I'm sorry you had to
find out this way.

But if it's any consolation,
I know you could take him.

Oh.

Sam, sam, don't worry
about that guy

He's just a client.

Angela's
has no interest in him.

But what if some day

She does meet a guy
she's interested in?

Well, uh, I could probably
take him, too. [Chuckles]

What if you can't?

Hey sam, I mean, look,
let me tell you.

If--if, for some reason,

Things didn't work out
between me and angela,

I--i could find
companionship on my own.

Hey, I got good hair.

I got most
of my teeth.

That alone in sicily
would make me a great catch.

So come on, sweetheart,
what's--what's really going on?

And--and wait a minute,
does this--

Does this have
anything to do with you

Dropping out
of that program?

No, no, no. I dropped
the program because--

Because i--

Because of you.

Me?

But why'd you--why me?

I just--

I don't want to go away
to college

And leave you here
all alone.

Oh, sam.

I won't be alone.

I'm scared you'll
end up an old man

Eating turkey
on thanksgiving

In a self-serve
cafeteria.

Sam, you're
depressing me.

But I mean, even if
that was going to happen sam,

What did you think
you'd accomplish

By staying with me
another year?

I just want
the extra time to--to...

To what? To make sure
I have somebody,

To make sure
I'm taken care of?

[Scoffs] well, how did you plan
on doing that, honey?

I don't know.

That's why
I need extra time.

Sweetheart,
look, hey,

I raised you
to have a life of your own,

And--and let me tell you,

I love you
for worrying about me,

But it's your turn now.
It's your time,

So sam,

You want to go to college
next year?

Yeah.
All right then.

Tomorrow you go in

And you see
your guidance counselor

And you get back
in that program.

Are you sure
you'll be okay?

Hey...

See? Teeth.

Thanks, dad.
All right.

And one more thing,
honey.

I've been thinking,
and...

Any school that you wanna
go to is okay with me.

I mean it and this time,
I really mean it.

So you're not gonna try
to talk me

Into going to a college
near home?

Of course not, samantha.

You know,
part of the college experience

Is being away from home.
So go.

Go far, far away.

Dad, reverse psychology
is such an old trick.

You taught it to me.

Sam, I am not using
reverse psychology.

Really? So you do want me
to go away to college?

Oh, this is great.

I have to go tell bonnie.

This is great.

Damn. She's too smart.

Tony: who's the boss?
will be back in a moment.
Stick around.

Hi. How was school?
Oh, it is great.

You know, I can't believe
how popular I am.

I'm mr. Popular.

Everybody wants me to do
my mike tyson imitation.

[Doorbell rings]
hey, I'll do it for you.

Let me get this.
I'll do it for you.

I hear some little guy's
running around
making fun of me.

Are you him?

Uh... Jonathan?

[♪♪♪]