05x15 - First Date

[bunniefuu]

[Theme music playing]

Singer: ♪ there's a time for
love and a time for livin' ♪

♪ so take a chance
and face the wind ♪

♪ an open road and
a road that's hidden ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

♪ there were times ♪

♪ i lost a dream or two ♪

♪ found the trail ♪

♪ and at the end was you ♪

♪ there's a path you take
and a path not taken ♪

♪ the choice is
up to you, my friend ♪

♪ nights are long
but you might awaken ♪

♪ to a brand-new life ♪

♪ brand-new life ♪

♪ a brand-new life
around the bend ♪

I can't believe that guy,
that was the longest speech

In the history
of advertising.

You know, he's probably
still talking.

Yes!

Oh, mother,
you're here.

Yes, dear, I'm here
quite a lot.

It's kind of
like home to me.

So, how were the ad awards?
Win anything?

I was runner-up
in one category.

Ohh, what did the
winner get...

Twins?

Mother, this is
my date.

Bart.

Nice to meet you.

Mona.

Well, thank you.

Thank you
for the special evening.

It was special. Thank you.
Yeah.

Oh, and, angela...
Yeah?

There's just one thing
I'd like to ask you.

Yeah.

How would you like
to pay for this...

Visa or mastercard?

Oh, uh--well, I just, uh,
just send me the bill.

Okay.

Thanks.

Thanks so much.
It was just fabulous.

Thank you.
Thanks. Bye-bye.

I am shocked.

Oh, mother, single women
executives

Hire escorts
all the time.

No. I'm saying
you got gypped.

I mean, you pay
for a car wash,

You don't leave
before the buff and polish.

Mother, I didn't do this
for a buff and polish.

I was not going to go
to those ad awards all alone.

And everybody including tony
was busy. No big deal.

I know, I know.

But I would just like
to see my daughter

Go out on a real date--

Where the guy pays?

Well, so would i,

But you know my schedules
been so crazy

I don't have time to meet men.

Tell me about it.

You could convert
your bedroom

Into a sensory
deprivation tank.

Well, I'm perfectly
comfortable with my life

Exactly as it is
right know.

And if you tell
anyone about tonight,

I will make an orphan
out of me.

♪ do do do do ♪
oh, hi.

Ooh, angela,
you look very nice.

So, how was the affair?

Costly.

Super. Just super.

Well, um, I'm sorry
I was busy.

Angela: ohh, that's all right.

I took an old
business associate of mine,

A terrific guy--brad.

Bart.
Bart.

Uh, he, uh, likes me
to call him brad.

Uh, whew!

I, uh--i'm beat.

Well, good night.

What's with her?

Oh, I can't tell you...

But I'll answer questions
if they're specific.

And you ask exactly
the right thing.

Okay, okay. Let see.

Where did--
angela paid a man

To take her out tonight.

Gee, I worded that
perfectly, huh?

I mean, my own daughter
hiring an escort.

An escort?
You're kidding me.

I mean, angela's funny,
and she's beautiful,

And she's smart and...

Beautiful.

You said
beautiful twice.

Well, uh, she's two times
beautiful.

What I mean is,

I mean, any man would be proud
to take her out.

If she could
find a man.

Poor thing.

Well, mona, the poor thing--

I mean, isn't that
a little strong?

Tony,

You know, when the escort
left tonight,

Angela tried to be
very cavalier,

But I could see
through her facade.

You know angela.

Laugh, clown, laugh.

Aw, poor thing.

Well, what
could we do?

Well, we could
get her a date

With a strong,
comforting man

Who could restore
her self-esteem.

She needs to feel

Like
the attractive woman

That you seem to think
she is.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait a minute, mona, mona.
I see where you're going here

And I don't think I like it.

Why not?
It's perfect.

You're strong.
You're comforting.

You're hallway
close.

Well, I don't know.
You know, me and angela
on a date.

You know, we're friends,
you know?

But then again,
friends do date,

But if we dated,
would we still be friends?

But am I really
being a friend

If I date,
if we don't date, if we...

Uh, would you like me
to leave

While you discuss this?

Oh, no, no, no.
We're through. We're through.

So, you really think
that this would help, huh?

Oh, trust me.

All right.
Well, hey,

I'll give her
a night to remember.

Well, at least take her out
to dinner first.

Good morning, guys.
Good morning.

Uh, angela's not
down yet?

No. Why? What's up?

Oh, nothing, nothing
I'll tell you later.

Okay. Catch me
after you ask angela out.

How did you...

Oh, grandma woke up us
last night to tell us.

Tell you what?

Do it, tony.
I dare you.

Jonathan, grow up.
Come on. Get out.

Oh, can't you be a little mature
about this, please?

Nyah... Hee hee hee.

What's going on?

Oh, nothing.
You know those kids.

Yeah.

Uh...

Gee, angela, you look good
especially pretty

This morning.

What did you do
to your hair?

I sweated on it.

Well, it works.

Um...

Hey, angela,

You want to go out
tonight?

Oh, yeah. I love too.

Really, great.
Great.

We can have dinner
or something, huh?

Oh, yeah, let's all go
to that new mexican restaurant.

All right.

All who?

All of us, you know,

You, me, mother, the kids.

Oh, yeah, we could do that.
We could do that

Or, uh, or we could do it
without them.

You know, just, uh,
you and me.

Why?

Why? Well, why?
Uh, why not?

I mean, a woman like you

Deserves a night out
on the town.

You mean a date?

Yeah, a date.

Why?

Why? Well, because
we've never done

Anything like that before.

Oh, yes, we have.

Don't you remember,
jonathan fixed us up

At that restaurant
chez rene?

Yeah, well, that was
a misunderstanding.

And what about
last year's ad awards.

Well, that was business.

Um, what about the time
we went to see 101 dalmatians.

That was a cartoon.

Um, what about the time--

All right, fine, fine.

Let's not go
on a date.

We've been
on millions of dates.

Well...

We never have been
out on a date date.

So you want to go,
or what?

Yes.

Good.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Whew.

And I thought
this is gonna be rough.

Hey, tony, it's me, angela.
No big deal.

Yeah, no big deal, huh?

Sheesh...

She sure is
taking her sweet time.

Well, you know women.

Hey, jonathan,
how do I look?

Does this tie work?

Hey, it works great.

How about the jacket?

Tony, you're
too nervous.

Come here, pal.

Yeah, pal?

You know, you haven't
dated in a while.

So let me give you
a little advice.

Well, I appreciate that.
Thank you jonathan.

I have
this great move

For putting your arm
around a girl.

It's... A yawn...

Mmm...

Stretch...
And reach.

Then you land it
on her shoulder.

It's really
romantic.

I used it on wendy fisher
in science class.

Well, did it work?

Oh, sure. Of course,
she was still

Under the effects
of the ether.

Angela: okay, ready.

Fantastic.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yes.

And it's nice as the other six
you've tried on.

Oh, no, no, no.
He's seen me in this.

He's seen you
in everything.

And what he hasn't seen you in,
he's rinsed by hand.

This isn't right.

Oh, angela, come on,
angela, tony is waiting.

Oh, yeah,
would you go down stairs

And tell your father
I'll be right down.

Nope, nope.
Can't lie to him.

Try.
Okay.

Thank you.

Uh, jewelry.

So, where is
tony taking you?

Well, he's being
very mysterious.

All he said was
that it's nice.

Probably some little
romantic place.

Does this
say romance?

Undo a button.

You know mother, I just can't
help wondering what this
could be leading to.

Oh, angela,
don't wonder.

Just let it happen.

Then again, maybe
it's leading to nothing.

Angela, look,
just have fun.

Stop analyzing
this to death.

Thank you, mother.
You are a comfort.

Thanks.
Well, I'm off.

Oops.
I almost forgot.

Don't walk out the door
without one of these,

'Cause you can't
be too safe.

A wash 'n' dry?

What did you
think it was?

Let's not analyze
this to death.

Sam, I though you said
she was gonna be right down?

I lied.

attenzione.

attenzione.

I give you
ms. Angela bower.

Ta-da!

Don't milk it,
dear.

Oh, wow. You...

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

Shall we go?

Oh, not yet.
One minute, one minute.

[Knocks on door]

Who is it?

Tony micelli.

Well, hello.
So ni...

Oh.

For you.

Thank you.

Oh...

You have such
a lovely home.

And so clean.

Thank you.
Shall we?

Sure. Oh,
wait a minute.

You didn't tell me
you had children.

Does it
make a difference?

Well, I guess I could learn
to love them.

All: go!

Tony: ohh, angela,

Check out this place, huh?
I hear it's great.

I hear even the waiters
are funny. Ooh...

Is, uh,
something wrong?

Oh, no. I just wasn't expecting
a comedy club.

Oh. So you're
disappointed?

No. No. It looks like
it'll be fun.

Okay.
This way.

Oh. Oh, miss, miss.

Maybe you can give us
a table up front.

It's sort of
a special night for us.

Then what are you
doing here?

Did you hear that?

"What are you
doing here?"

She's a crazy woman.

Over here.

Come on angela.

Tony, right in front
of the stage?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Look,

Nothing's too good
for our first date, huh?

Thank you.

I'll get to you
when I can,

I got twice
the load tonight.

Our other waitress
got mono.

Mono.
She's k*lling me.

So? So far, so good?

I could stay
like this all night.

I knew
you'd like it.

Not that.

My arm is stuck
to the table.

Well, uh...
We can leave.

No, that's all right.
I came prepared.

Well, uh...
Anyway, uh,

How are things
at the office?

Uh, tony...

Since this is
a date date,

Could we not talk
about the usual stuff,

You know--you know, the school,
and work, and the kids?

Okay, okay. No school,
no work, no kids.

We'll talk about
everything else.

I bet you there's lots
of little things

We don't even know
about each other.

Let's discover them.

Sure, sure, like,
I never told you

That funny story about me
and joe garagiola.

No, you didn't.

Now, you told me the one
about stepping on his foot,

But what's
the funny one?

Well, that is
the funny one.

Forget stories.

There are lot
of little things--

Now for instance
I bet you don't even know

What my middle name is.

Katherine.

But I bet you don't know
why it's katherine?

Uh, it was your maternal
grandmother's middle name.

All right.

I bet you don't know
my favorite author,
beatles song, color?

Jane austen,
hey jude and green.

What shade?
Emerald.

When I was 7 years old,
our gardener--

Ben.

Gave me a little kitten.

Black persian.
One eye crossed.

What was the name...
Little whiskers.

...of the gardener's wife?
Ben never married.

Wow.

Oh, wow.

This is scary.

But kind of nice.

But still scary.

Hello, everybody.

I'm andy drake.
Welcome to gutbusters.

Ladies and gentlemen

Before I begin,
I want to say

This is a very exciting
night for me.

Just a few minutes ago,
I signed a deal

With columbia records.

Thank you. Thank you.

They mail me the first album
in six to eight weeks.

Hey, I love this guy.

Sir,
what's your name, sir?

Oh, uh...

Tony, tony.

So, tony tony,
who's the lady lady?

Oh, this is
angela angela.

Hey, I work alone.

Oh, sorry, sorry.

It's good, eh?

You see, angela,
if we didn't sit here,

He would never have
called on us.

So what are you doing
with this guy?

Um, we're on a date.

Oh, yeah,
I had a date last week

The girl said
no petting.

So I left my dog at home.

So, how long have you guys
been dating?

This is our first date.

Oh, and how long
you've known each other...

Uh, well,
five years.

Ooh, fast mover, tony.

When's your second date--


So tell me--
how did you two meet?

Uh, I work for her.

Oh. Uh...
What do you do?

Uh...

I'm, uh...

I'm her housekeeper.

You're dating
your housekeeper?

Let me guess,
you're on the rebound
from the pool man.

Okay. I think we've bothered
this nice people long enough

Let's give them a hand,
huh, folks?

So, uh, what's your name pal
and what do you do?

Uh, my name is earl.

I'm an accountant for a savings
and loan association.

Okay.

You know, this housekeeper thing
fascinates me.

So--so tell me,

How often does tony
come to your house?

Once a week,
twice a week?

He lives with us.

"He lives with us."

Very convenient.

Wa-wa-wait a minute.
Wait a minute, who's us?

My mother, my son,
and his daughter.

My daughter,
my daughter.

What's this, a commune?
Where does the goat sleep?

Hey, pal--

Tony, don't make this
any worse.

Look guys,
I don't want to say anything,

But you guys have
a really weird relationship.

Oh, hey, andy,

There's nothing weird
about our relationship.

Five years, and you
finally ask her out?

What's the occasion,
celebrating a new vacuum?

Hey, hey. There happens
to be no occasion.

Angela's just happens to be
working very hard lately,

And she hasn't had any time
for a real date.

What do you mean,
a real date?

Oh, nothing.

You know, you had
a couple real dates.

Did mother tell you
about last night?

An-angela,
there is no shame

In hiring an escort.

Yeah. Not if you're
desperate.

So that's what this
is all about.

No, no, it's not what
this is all about.

Oh, this isn't a real date,
this is a pity date.

It's moments like this

That make being
a comedian all worthwhile.

Hey folks.
I got to thank you.

Thank you so--

[Applause]

Thank you.

Thank you.

Oh, the car
just pulled up.

Oh, let's see if they
kiss good night.

No, no, no, no.
We can't do that.

We have to turn
the light out first.

Oh, here they come.

Well,
we're home.

Go to hell.

Lead the way.

What a waste
of a wash 'n' dry.

Hi. Uh, you okay?

Hi. I'm fine.

I just came down here
to get a drink.

Is, uh...

Is your hand okay?

I said it was fine.
See?

Yeah, well,
can you do this?

Of course.

Well, can you--
can you do this?

Not bad.

Better get some
ice on that.

I told you I'm fine.
I know what I'm doing.

Here, let me help you.

I don't want your help
and I don't want your pity.

Hey, let's get something
straight right now, angela.

I didn't take you out
because of pity.

I took you out because
you're beautiful, you're smart,

You're funny,
and you're beautiful.

You already said
beautiful.

I know.
I said it twice,

I always say it twice.

So if that makes me
such a terrible person,

Then sh**t me.

Tony?

What?

Will you help me
wrap up my hand?

Please?

You know, angela...

Here, put this on your fingers.
Thanks.

There's only one thing
I got to say to you.

You know, when you lead with
your right hand,

You keep your elbow in
then you drop it on the guy.

Gotcha.

Tony?

Yes?

Do you think you'll ever
ask me out again?

Well?

I'm thinking.

Ooh!

Now you see, that was better.

You kept your elbow in
that time.

All right, yes, yes.
I'll ask you out again,

But please, next time
let's not call it a date.

Good idea.

Oh, hey, look, look.

The marx brothers.
My favorite.

I knew that.

Singer: ♪ say,
have you met lydia ♪

♪ lydia,
the tattooed lady ♪

♪ she has eyes
that folks adore so... ♪

Tony?

Hmm?

You think that
comedian was right?

You think we have
a weird relationship?

No.

Tony: who's the boss?
will be back in a moment.

stick around.

All right. Come on g*ng.
Let's hit it,

Let's move it, let's do it.
Casa adobe awaits.

Sorry dad, can't.
I'm going to bonnie's to study.

And I'm going
to steven's.

Sorry, I just ate.

Well, I guess it's us.
Guess it's a date.

Oh, sorry,
it's not a date.

Yeah,
it's a meeting.

It's an excursion.

It's like an outing.

It's two people sitting
in the same booth

Eating tacos.
Okay.

Let's order in.

[Theme music playing]