03x26 - Wedding Bell Blues

[bunniefuu]

Pam, I can't believe it.

Only three days till the wedding.

I just feel like everything's going to be perfect.

[Knock on door]

Could you get that for me?

Hit it!

All right!

♪ Oh! Oh! ♪

♪ Da da da da ♪♪

♪ I say jerome's in the house ♪

♪ I say jerome's in the house ♪

♪ I say jerome's in the house ♪

♪ Look at the white dude, look at the white dude ♪

♪ Jerome's in the house ♪

♪ In your mouth, watch your mouth ♪

♪ Without a doubt ♪

♪ Jerome's in the house ♪

♪ Watch your mouth ♪♪

Jerome, what are you doing here, man?

Oh, wow. Hold on.

Slow your roll, less junk in the trunk,

Speed bump rump,

And I takes a peek.

Now, word on the street

Is redbone and big mouth stopped shacking up,

And you're getting hitched.

Is it true what they say, redbone?

Is it true what they say?

Yes, jerome. And?

So what's the matter?

You can't call nobody?

Where's my invite, mellow yellow?

Uh, yeah.

I didn't know where to send it.

Don't stress,

Because romy roam ain't got no address.

Jerome, is there anything else that you want?

Yes, there is,

But not with you, red.

Look here, junk,

If you want to get with a winner,

Why don't you drop that baldheaded chicken dinner?

What do you mean?

What do you mean what I mean?

I'm talking about me and you doing the double-ring thing.

Look, after gina and big ears stroll down the aisle,

Me and you just slide in behind them.

"I do. Yes, I'll marry her.

I'll make the big. I'll make the right."

Hear what I'm saying to what I'm saying?

Jerome...

I even wrote my own vows.

Would anyone like to hear them?

Not particularly.

Wouldn't you like to hear them?

All right, jerome. Fine.

Go ahead.

All right.

O.k., I say in these vows

That I promise to love...

Honor...

Obey...

And hit it twice everyday...

Even four times on sunday.

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

♪ Lawrence ♪♪

We're going in three minutes,

What do you mean you can't do my hair?

I can't walk down the aisle like this.

You're booked up?

Look, please.

I do not care about a convention.

O.k., Lady, I need for my--

Hello?

She hung up on me.

Everything is going bad before my wedding.

Calm down.

I could hook you up.

No, no. No. Don't touch me.

I need a professional, o.k.?

And I think I know where to go.

Don't tell me you're going to ask sheneneh.

I got no place else to go.

What's wrong?

Is it... Is it true that...

That you getting married?

Oh, baby, yeah.

Is that what's wrong with you?

You love him?

Yes, I do.

I love him. I do.

You happy?

I'm happy,

But we'll still be friends, sweetheart.

We'll always be friends.

When my mama told me,

It came as a shock.

You can always come over.

You know you come over uninvited all the time.

You can still do that.

Can I ask a favor?

Could...

Whatever you want, you can have it.

Have my baby?

What?

I'm drinking a lot of milk,

And I'm growing everyday.

Boy, you ain't growing in the right places.

But I love you.

But I love you,

And I just want to be with you.

I even wipe my nose with you.

Please! I love you!

Get off my door!

I can't go out there to get my hair done.

Roscoe's not finished.

And you will see me again.

Later.

Oh, yeah.

Well, lookie, lookie, lookie.

If it ain't stinky

And the little rascal.

Sheneneh, look.

I don't know how to ask you this.

Look, we need our hair and our nails done

For the wedding.

Nobody else in town can do it.

I didn't even get an invite

To your little wedding, o.k.?

You just going to come up here

And ask me to do your hairs?

No. You must be out of your damn mind.

Oh.

All right, all right.

All right!

Would you like to come?

No, that's not the way.

Did all your other guests

Get invitations like that?

Did they get invited like that?

Sheneneh wants to be invited...

A little nicer.

I want to be invited a little nicer.

All right, sheneneh.

Sheneneh.

Would you please...

What?

Grace your presence

At my wedding?

That would be nice.

Oh...

Sorry, but I can't.

I can't make it.

Your invitation is too late.

Did not come quick enough.

Put a stamp on it in the mail

And leave it in the mailbox

Because it did not come quick enough.

I would come, but I'm going to be

At the detroit toenail decorating competition.

Look, sheneneh, just do us this favor, all right?

No. You know why?

Because you never really told sheneneh

How good I am.

How good am i?

I said how good am i?

You know it's very hard for me to do this.

Say it!

O.k., Sheneneh...

You're the best hair stylist

In the whole wide world.

Oh....

Thank you. Excuse me.

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me.

You really are.

Turn around. Let me look--ooh!

You couldn't perm that down first

Before you asked me?

O.k., All right.

Well, what is it that you want then?

Do you want a jheri curl?

Afro puffs? What, gina?

I need something really fly.

I need something really special

For my wedding day, o.k.?

Sheneneh, just do gina's hair

And do my nails,

And don't mess us up.

Don't be threatening me

Because can't nobody mess you up.

Mother nature already did that.

Come on, gina. This way.

Voila!

I mean, all done.

Are you sure?

You going to let her get married looking like that?

What? Looking like--

Oh, my god.

It's beautiful.

Sheneneh! It's beautiful!

Well, it's all right,

Considering whose head it's on.

Thank you so much.

I really appreciate it. You are so sweet.

Don't you think you overstepping your bounds?

Don't get dropped, o.k.?

None of these.

None of these.

Hey, hey. Come on in.

Hurry up. Hurry up.

Come on in before somebody else decides

To come on in, too.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Gina, who are all these people?

Oh, my god.

These are all martin's relatives.

There are no more hotel rooms

Because of some stupid convention.

We'll sleep in the car,

But we definitely aren't staying here.

Yes. We'll find someplace.

No, you guys. I'll find a place.

Oh!

Oh, damn.

Mr. Waters, mrs. Waters, hello.

Excuse me.

Uh, baby.

What?

Damn. All your relatives?

I don't know these people.

Thought they were your family.

I don't know none of these people, gina.

Ain't no kin to me.

This has been happening all day long.

Hey, hold, hold.

Ain't no kin to me. I'll find out.

Whoa, whoa. Pardon me, man.

Who are you?

We the big country paynes.

Got some hammocks, some pig feet.

You never go to nobody's house

Without bringing them something.

We are the motherland paynes.

Is this the only bathroom you've got?

Hold it. Hold it.

You mean to tell me

They don't have no bathrooms on the plane

From the motherland?

No, and the flight was hours.

Don't worry. We brought our own incense.

Look, just handle your business, all right?

Just do what you got to do.

Got this.

Sonny, how you doing, cuz?

Hey, baby. It's your day.

Whazzup?

All right.

All right.

Sonny, don't start it.

Be cool.

I was just looking.

O.k.

Gina, baby, this is crazy.

I thought we were going to have a small wedding?

Your mama invited every payne in the world.

You don't see my family sitting up in here.

Compton paynes in the hiz-zouse!

Better recognize!

It's time to get to stepping.

We got to get to stepping.

We outta here. Y'all can hang.

Hey, y'all can have it crazy.

Hey, baby, eddie murphy.

It's eddie murphy, baby.

I just loved you

In coming out of africa.

Whoever said that is right.

Get down.

Gina, if one more uninvited person comes up

To our family dinner, baby, I'm going off.

Baby, just be nice. It's almost over.

Anyway, where's your mother?

Uh, she couldn't make it.

She had to get her car fixed.

She doesn't have a car.

All right. She don't like you.

My cousin and his two wives rolled into town.

Can they come to the party?

No.

No, let me restate that.

Hell no.

Martin says it's all right.

Thanks a lot, martin.

Your television show is the word on the street.

Watch out. Let's go, baby.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Can I have everybody's attention, please?

I'd like to propose a toast

To my best friend gina.

May tomorrow be the happiest day of your life.

And to martin, try not to show up

So she can enjoy it.

Oh, no.

Clink, clink, baby.

Clink, clink.

Well, I want to thank you, too, pam,

For cutting your hibernation short.

I know grizzlies like to sleep all year long.

Hear ye,

Hear hey.

Well, I want to thank all y'all

Who were invited

And all you freeloaders whose asses weren't invited.

Want to thank you anyhow,

But most of all,

I want to toast my bride.

Here's to you, boo.

I love you, baby.

Love you, too, baby.

All right, now. It's my turn.

I want to make a toast

To all the lovely ladies up in here,

And especially to them waters women.

Y'all know y'all got

Some big, old, corn-fed asses on you.

Whoo-whee!

Gina, I'm very sorry, honey,

But some of these paynes are disgusting.

Mom, please.

Yeah, they got the right last name...

Payne.

What did you say? You want some pain?

Wait, wait. Hold up, fool.

Them's my people.

Don't make me jump you.

Because compton's definitely in the hiz-zouse.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Wait a minute!

Wait a minute!

Hold on!

Hold on!

Hold on!

Hold on!

Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!

Hyah! Hyah!

Hyah!

O.k., Now, damn it!

This is about me and my wife to be, o.k.?

Y'all ain't going to be fighting up in here.

Now, everybody, please take a seat,

And let's eat like family.

Just sit down, o.k.?

Ease up, mr. Waters.

You's a grown man.

Come on, mr. Waters. Damn.

Big country, cut it out, man.

Sit down. Sit down.

You old like a vulture.

Sit down.

Before I'll be a member of this family,

I'll start capping in here.

Shut up!

So, tomorrow's the big day, huh?

You nervous?

Please, tommy.

What's my name?

That's my boy.

No, I'm serious, man. What is my name?

Why am i...what...

Martin, I can refresh your memory.

You're the eight dwarf nappy, remember?

Not now, o.k.? This is not a good time.

I don't mess with you on groundhog day.

Why do you want to start with me in the church?

I'm about to take on something much bigger.

Can't you understand?

Excuse me, but I think you're sitting

On the wrong side.

You don't want to tell me where to sit

Because I'll get up in you

Like a pair of tights.

You want some of this, boy?

Oh, you going down today.

Hold on, now! Hold on!

Come on, now.

Y'all are getting ready to fight again.

You a grown man. Suck it up.

Ignore him. That big country.

Big country, k*ll that, man.

Damn.

I'm serious.

If this is going to be like this today,

Can you imagine what it's going to be like at our wedding?

I am not trying to see

What it's going to look like.

Girl, I told you I will get with you

At next friday's bingo game.

Good evening, everybody.

Martin, you and your posse

Can go on and step to their places.

You ain't got to be saying me and my posse.

You and your little buddies.

O.k.

O.k.

Take this onionhead boy, too.

You lucky we use you at the wedding.

Be cool. O.k., Baby, I love you.

Ain't going to be no more fights.

Praise the lord.

Right.

O.k., Everybody, boom.

See you later, nappy.

Howl at you.

You take care.

You didn't give me my check yet.

Take care of her.

Gina, baby girl,

Would you and the bridal party

Kindly take your places?

Yeah, we're going.

Oh, boom-shaka-laka.

But martin's mother hasn't arrived yet.

While we are waiting for mother payne,

I would like to address the congregation.

As you know,

The photographs that have been circulating

In the tabloids,

I just want to let y'all know

That's not me.

That's my cousin boudreau.

We look an awful lot alike.

I'm totally innocent.

[Motorcycle revving]

Here she is. Here she is.

Mother payne, my favorite cousin.

Come on in here, girl.

Oh, dear, I hope she doesn't make a scene.

Whaa!

Whoo!

Ooh!

Hi!

My babies. My cousin. Hi.

Lord, I'm here for my baby's wedding rehearsal.

He's getting married.

I can't believe it.

I didn't think it could get any worse.

Don't make me get to cutting.

Don't make me go to a funeral and a wedding

In the same damn day.

You back up off of my man.

You want some?

All right, come on.

Come on, y'all. Come on.

Sit your asses down! Everybody!

[Arguing]

Hey, hey!

Don't start none, there won't be none.

There won't be none.

Oh, lord, she got my pressure all up.

Watch it. Watch it.

O.k. Don't push me, all right?

Kick up with the music. Let's start now.

[Playing here comes the bride]

Martin, tommy, y'all come out now.

Martin, tommy.

Uh, your turn, gina.

Where is my schnookums?

Damn that!

Where's my martin?

Where's my martin?

Uh, hey, look, y'all. Look at this here.

Martin, gina, tommy, and pam done rode out of here

And left this note.

"Dear friends and family,

"Since y'all can't get along,

"We decided to move along.

We out."

Oh, lord!

She done stole my boy

And left the country.

Aah!

♪ This little light of mine ♪

♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

♪ This little light of mine ♪

♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

♪ Let it shine ♪

Whoo!

♪ Let it shine ♪♪

Somebody give me some money.

Mama payne, mama payne,

Are you going to be all right?

Little applehead...

Has stole my boy.

Damn.

Damn.

Damn!