02x16 - The Babysitter

[bunniefuu]

♪ There is more to life
than what you're living

♪ So take a chance
and face the wind

♪ An open road
and a road that's hidden

♪ Brand new life
around the bend

♪ There were times
I lost a dream or two

♪ Found the trail
and at the end was you

♪ There's a path you take
and a path not taken

♪ The choice is up to you,
my friend

♪ Nights are long
but you might awaken

♪ To a brand new life

♪ Brand new life

♪ Brand new life
around the bend ♪

♪ For all the girls
who loved you... ♪

Hey, hey, hey.

Ha! Tony,
what do you think?

TONY: Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Is this okay
for the PTA meeting?

Ooh, terrific, terrific.
Very parental.

Well, that
takes care of the P.

What about the T and A?

Angela!

You've been hanging out
with your mother too much.

-Well...

Oh!

Hello?

Oh, hello, Mrs. Ryan,
how are you?

Angela,

Jonathan is using my
blow dryer on his hamster.

Jonathan!

I gave him a bath.

-I wanted him to look nice
and fluffy for the babysitter.

Angela, you got to see
this hamster's hair.

It's puffed out to here.

He looks like Don King.

I hope it heals fast,
Mrs. Ryan.

Nah, nah, I don't think the
Johnson kids got rabies.

Uh-huh. All right.

Look, I'll tell her.
Bye-bye.

As you might have guessed,
Mrs. Ryan can't make it.

Oh, no.

Where are we gonna get
another babysitter?

TONY: Uh...

Mother!

How nice to see you!

Forget it.

What?

I am not babysitting.

You never let me bring
my boyfriends over.

Mother, Tony and I have
a very important meeting!

Well, I have a date.

Mother, are those
Grammy's diamond earrings?

Oh, must be very special!

He is. He's a jeweler.

And does he know his karats!

On the other hand, perhaps
I should go with naked lobes

and let him dress them.

You're always thinking.

Well, who's going to babysit?

Well, uh...
What about Samantha?

Mother, Samantha's
never babysat before.

I think that
might be a problem.

Not for me. I'm leaving.

Can I, Dad?

Yeah, yeah, can she?

Uh... Kitchen?

-Kitchen.
-Yeah.

-Eavesdrop?
-Eavesdrop.

I think it's a terrific idea,
don't you?

-Well...
-Oh, come on, what's
the matter with you?

-Don't you trust my daughter?
-Well...

Angela, we're gonna be
a couple hours, that's all.

I mean, what could happen?

Have you ever seen
Halloween II?

Tony, it's a very big
responsibility,

Samantha's only


Okay, okay, you're right,
Angela, you're right.

You go out there
and tell that little girl
you don't trust her.

You could be
responsible for the scars

she has to carry
through the rest of her life.

Tony, don't you think
you're over-dramatizing?

Actually, I was
playing it down, Angela.

Well, we'll just be over
at the school.

Oh, all right.
She can babysit.

SAM: Yay!
JONATHAN: Hurray!

Samantha,
as you might have heard,

we have the utmost
confidence in you.

Just remember,
Jonathan's eight years old

and his life
is in your hands.

Hey! That's why I get
two bucks an hour.

-$1.50.

-You know where
we'll be if you need us.
-SAM: Mmm-hmm.

-Dr. Rowley's number is
right there by the phone...
-Okay.

-By the police, the fire
department and the paramedics.
-Okay.

And the National Guard.

Goodbye, Mom.

Goodbye, my darling.

Come on, I mean,
what happened?

This turned into
One Life to Live here?

Let's blow this firetrap.

Just kidding. Just kidding.

Now, Sam, no TV until
you finish your homework.

-Stay off that phone
and no kids in this house.
-Dad!

You forgot
"Don't open the door
to a man with an ax."

Or a chainsaw.

I love you.

Bye.

Okay, they're gone.

Let the good times roll!

Jonathan, your mother
left me in charge.

Yeah. Pretty dumb, huh?

You want to make Jell-O
in the bathtub?

No!

I want you to do your
homework, young man.

What about your homework?

Jonathan!
Jonathan, Jonathan.

See, I'm the babysitter.

I... I have too much
responsibility to do homework.

Now, march.

Mom, come back!

Hello, Chad.

Yes, yes, I do look
good in diamonds, don't I?

Oh, well...

Jonathan!

Jonathan, what are you doing?

My science homework
like you told me to do.

I just proved that metal
is harder than M&M's.

Ooh, Grandma's
diamond earrings!

I wonder what's harder,
a hammer or diamonds?

You wouldn't dare.

Now give me the earring.

Don't have to.
They're my grandma's.

Jonathan, I want the earring.

Here it is! Come and get it.

Jonathan,
I want the earring now!

Okay. Catch!

-Ah, you missed!

Jonathan...

You just threw Mona's earring
down the drain!

Uh-oh.

What are we gonna do?

I don't know.
You're the babysitter.

I'm just a kid.

Yeah, well, I hope he's got
long, skinny fingers.

It's Chad McCann!

Sure, and I'm Don Johnson.

The diamonds are in the sink,
Chad McCann is at the door!

Okay.

I can handle this, right?

No biggie. Okay.

Ready?

-Hi, Samantha.
-SAM: Ah!

What a surprise!

Jonathan, look who it is!
It's Chad McCann. Huh.

I heard you were babysitting.

Oh, where'd you hear that?

Hey, the grapevine
ends in my ear.

This is the coolest guy
in your junior high?

Can it, squirt.

Kids!

We dropped a diamond
earring down the drain.

"We"?

Hey, I can fix that.
No problem.

Wait a second.

I can't let you in.

What does the
earring look like?

Well, it's a diamond,
uh, about a half a karat.

What difference does it make,
just hand me
all the earrings you find!

Is this it?

Oh, Chad, you're wonderful.

Why fight public opinion?

Oh, brother.

While I'm down here,

these pipes are
really full of gunk.

I'm so embarrassed.

Oh, no.

I don't believe this!

What's the matter?

There's something
stuck in here.

Well, what is it?

My hand.

You're stuck?

Uh, I think I'd better
brush my teeth

-and get ready for bed now.

It's really caught in there.

Ah.
Do you want me to help?

I'm really sorry.

It's okay. It didn't hurt.

You can't be stuck!

My dad's coming home!

What am I going to do?
How am I going to
get out of here?

I have algebra to do. Ow!

Chad, are you losing
your cool?

CHAD: No!

If I only had the right tools.

Wait! I know!

I'll call Marci!

Her dad has a workshop
with everything.

Just stay there.

Where am I going?

Hey, Marci?

You'll never guess
what I have under my sink.

No, besides the mouse trap.

CHAIRWOMAN: If you want your
child to care about school,

you have to
show that you care.

That's why I am
so delighted to see
all of you involved parents

here for tonight's discussion
on parent apathy.

TONY: Oh.

You know, I think
it's a darn shame that

more parents aren't involved
with their kids.

I don't even have kids,
I just come for
the sponge cake.

Tony, I think I should call
and make sure
everything's okay at home.

Angela, we're supposed to be
involved parents here.

Would you forget
about the kids?

Oh! Thanks, Marci.
You're the best. Bye.

You have Chad McCann
under your sink

and you won't even
let me in?

Marci, I'm not supposed
to let any kids in the house.

You let him in.

Hi, Chad.

Hi, Marci.

Well, as long as
it's just you.

Hi, guys!

Hi, Chad!

-Marci!
-Okay.

So I mentioned it to Robin.

But I told her not
to tell anybody.

Hi! Where's Chad?

Ooh! Hi. Nice jeans!

-Ooh, I never knew
his feet were so big.

Look, guys,

I'm real happy you're
all having such a good time,

but you got to get out
before someone comes home.

Ooh, it's too late!

Bless me, Father,
for I am in big trouble.

Hello? Sam?

It's Mona!

Quick! Chad, scrunch up,
pull your feet in.

CHAD: I can't!
SAM: Want to bet?

-Okay. Outside everybody,
and be quiet.
-Shh. Shh. Shh.

-Okay.
-She's gonna hear you!

I thought that he should
see that I like nice things.

Good.

Good idea, Mona.
Have a great time.

-Mmm-hmm.

-What are you doing?
-I'm thirsty.

I thought I'd get a drink.

-Okay, guys, she's gone.
-Oh, that was a close one.

How you doing in there?

My legs are numb.

We've got to do something.

Let's make popcorn!

All right, let's party!

Speaking as a parent
of a 13-year-old,

I can say one thing
for certain.

A little club soda,
twist of lemon,

those stains will
come right out.

He's better than Heloise.

Oh, in many ways.

In fact, she calls
me for hints.

-Oh!

Excuse me,

Tony, could we please
go home now?

Angela, I'm in the middle
of a very important
conversation here.

Mellow out.
Excuse me, excuse me.

Aren't you the least
little bit concerned?

No, I have... I have
complete faith in Samantha

and Jonathan.

They're good kids!

Yeah, you're...
You're right.

I guess it's time
to cut the cord.

I'm Mike McCann,
Chad's father.

Oh! How you doing?
Sit down, sit down.

You know, I've got
to meet this kid!

I've heard so much about him.

I thought maybe he got there
tonight before you left.

There? There where?

Your place.

He was, uh,
going over to see Sam.

Oh, that's too bad,
because, uh,

Sam was babysitting
and she promised me,

you know, no kids
in the house.

Well, that kid of mine
is a real charmer.

Girls just can't say no
to him.

Excuse me.

Come on, Angela.
Let's go home.

What is it? Is there trouble
at home?

No, no, no, but there
will be when I get there.

Let's go, come on.

-Would you keep it down?

So, how are you doing
down there?

You want some more soda?

Uh, maybe I better not.

Right.

Guy, have a little butter,
why don't you!

Ah, ah, ah, that's enough.
I'll break out.

How much butter did you make?

-Just a pound!
-Ugh.

Oh, that's too much.
Get rid of it.

Gee, okay, but
it seems like such a waste!

-SAM: No!
Not down the drain.

Oh, gross.

Julia!

I'm free.

-I'm free.
-You're free!

Aw.

I, uh... I didn't mean to
get butter on you.

That's okay.

Better put this pipe
back together.

Yeah, I guess you better.

I'm never going to wash
this shirt again.

Aw.

Hey, Sam!

Jonathan, I thought
you were in bed.

I was, but the car
woke me up.

Why don't you...

Car?

What car?

A late model red Jag.

Dad and Angela are home?

That's my guess.
Good night, everyone.

-You know, Sam, maybe
we should leave.
-Yeah.

Good idea, Julia.
Out, please.

Hurry up. Out, out, out.

Hey, you want me to explain
things to your old man?

No! You're only 14.

You have your whole
life ahead of you.

GIRLS: Bye.

CHAD: Later.
SAM: Later.

-Hi.
-Hi.

-Hi.
-Hi.

Yo.

Look what I found
in the driveway.

Oh! Look!

It's all my friends!

How have you guys
been, anyway?

And you.

And you.

You, I don't know.

Dad, I'd like you to meet
Chad McCann.

How do you do, sir?

Chad McCann,
nice to meet you.
Hit the road.

I'm a man
of few words myself.

-Bye.
-Bye!

-Bye.
-Bye.

Later.

Much later.

Samantha, I am not only
incredibly disappointed
in you, but...

But think about what you've
put poor Angela through.

She's really upset!

Well, Jonathan is sleeping
like a baby.

-Everything is fine.

Well, all's well
that ends well.

Let's leave Shakespeare
out of this.

All I know is you better have
a great explanation

for what went on here tonight.

Oh. Hi, Mom.

What's going on?

Did something happen
while I was sound asleep?

No, it's nothing for you
to worry about, sweetheart.

Spill it.

Okay.

-Well, see,
Chad stopped by.
-Mmm.

And I told him,
Dad, I told him
he couldn't come in.

But he said
he could fix the sink

and that it would
only take a minute.

-What's wrong with the sink?
-Uh...

Well, it's kind
of hard to say.

Well, give it a shot!

Something got stuck in it.

"Something"? What something?

You could say
it's like a karat.

A carrot?

Actually, it is a half
a karat.

What happened
to the other half?

Was Bugs Bunny here, too?

Wait a minute.

I have something to
say about Sam

and what happened tonight.

Well, what do you want
to tell us, sweetheart?

Well...

Sam is the best babysitter
I ever had.

That's it.

That's very nice.

All right, young lady, I don't
know what went on, but I know

it doesn't take four girls
and Chad McCann

to get a carrot, or a half
a carrot out of the sink.

Now, you're grounded
for a month, a month.

Now get in there and let's
clean that kitchen. Let's go.

I'll help.

Isn't he sweet?

Yeah, he's a real angel.

Tony, aren't you being
a little too harsh on her?

Me, harsh? Ha!

When you were a kid
and babysitting,

did you let boys
in the house?

No. Never!

I would have.

She's lying to me, Angela.

Well, Tony!

If I were a little girl
and I was looking into
your frightening face,

I might be
tempted to lie, too.

This face?

Frightening?

How come you didn't tell
what really happened, Sam?

I knew that I was
in trouble for sure.

And I didn't see any reason to
get you in trouble, too.

Wow!

Well, you know,
I figure...

You're as close
as I'm gonna get
to having a little brother.

Jonathan, I'm trying
to clean up the kitchen!

What are you doing
with the onion?

Getting you an early parole.

Frightening?

This face is the soul
of compassion.

Oh, Mommy!

What is it, sweetheart?

It's all my fault! I did it.

It was me, me, me!

Oh. Calm down!

Honey, calm down!
Tell us what happened.

I should have told the truth.

Sam was trying to protect me.

I dropped Grandma's
earring down the sink.

Diamond earring, a karat.

A half a karat.

Ooh. Tricky, Sam.

Punish me. I deserve it.

I should never have let
Sam cover for me.

I should've told the truth.

-Oh.

Yes, my darling angel,
you can have cookies, too.

Take it easy on the kid,
will you, Angela?

Well, these cookies
won't taste any good

without someone
to share them with.

All right, all right.

You're off the hook, too.

-We'll get some cookies.
-Thanks!

You're real good, kid!

I know.

-Onions?
-Onions.

Oh, they really stuck up
for each other.

Yeah, they really did.
That's terrific.

It is, it sure is.

How much of that story
do you think is true?

Maybe all.

Maybe not.

-Some?
-Enough.

That's what I thought.

TONY: Who's the Boss?
will be back in a moment.
Stick around.

Ten-hut!

Kitchen ready
for inspection, sir.

Stick out that chest, soldier.

Ready?

At ease.

Uh-huh.

All right, everything
looks ship-shape.

-Company dismissed.
-Yay!

Company, halt.

Forward, kiss!

Ah!

I love today's army.