04x04 - Patter of Little Hooves

[bunniefuu]

Hello, I'm Mr. Ed.

A horse is a horse, of course, of course.

And no one can talk to a horse, of course.

That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mr. Ed.

Go right to the source and ask the horse.

He'll give you the answer that you endorse.

He's always on a steady course.

Talk to Mr. Ed.

Let's see, let's see.

No, no, that's not right.

This puzzle is a tough one.

Better check it from another angle.

It's either a tall rowboat or a small giraffe.

Oh, my.

Hi, Ed.

How are you coming along with the contest today?

I sent in the other ones, but this last picture's got me stumped.

You think I'm looking at it from the wrong end?

Could be, but that's the only one you can see with.

Very funny.

We've got to get the answer in the mail by 6 o'clock,

or we lose the $10,000 prize.

Help me, Wilbur.

Ed, I would love to help you, but Mr. Rasmussen

of the Animal Regulation Bureau

is coming by on his annual inspection.

I've got to get your stall cleaned up.

Wilbur, what's more important,

a clean stall or a dirty $10,000?

Ed, I told you, the inspector is coming.

$10,000?

Yep.

Looks a bit like a rabbit, doesn't it?

But a rabbit doesn't have five feet.

Not unless he's carrying one for good luck.

Oh.

Oh, hello there, Mr. Post.

It's me, Mr. Rasmussen.

Oh, it's Mrs. Post.

Must be a light here.

Did you get the notice from the Animal Regulation Bureau?

Yes, my husband is expecting you.

Won't you come in?

Thank you.

Mr. Rasmussen,

don't you think you ought to wear your glasses?

Oh, I don't really need them.

Of course.

You see, Mrs. Post, I'm a bachelor.

Unattached.

And Mr. Post sometimes has some very pretty clients here.

And the ladies think I look younger without them.

Let me show you to his office. Here's your hat.

Oh, never mind.

I'll find my way.

Huh?

Put this piece here.

Mm-hmm.

And this one here.

Begin to take shape now, isn't it?

Yeah.

These newspaper contests are easy

if a horse and a man put their brains together.

There we are, Ed.

It's a flower.

Yeah.

Mr. Post?

In here.

That's Mr. Rasmussen.

Come on, back in your stall and make like a horse.

Uh...

Now, don't gab too long.

Hello, Mr. Rasmussen.

Nice to see you again, Mr. Post.

You'll have Mr. Ed, of course.

Yeah, yes, yes.

We can never part with him.

Like a member of the family, hmm?

Yeah, well, he's got the longest reach at the table.

Oh!

Excuse me.

Sure is an intelligent-looking animal.

You're looking at his best side.

Well, I guess everything is all right here.

See you again next year, Mr. Post.

Uh, yes, yes, Mr. Rasmussen.

My hat, please.

Oh, I'll get it for you.

There we are.

Mr. Rasmussen,

don't you think you should wear your glasses?

Oh, no.

I never know when I'll run into somebody.

I'll, uh, I'll see you to the door.

Must be the light here.

Goodbye, Mr. Post.

That guy spends more time on the ground than on his feet.

Now, let's get that picture in the mail, Wilbur.

Yes, okay.

Wait a minute.

The contest rules say we have to identify the object.

Now, I don't know whether this is a tulip or a dahlia.

Gee, Wilbur, you humans are supposed to be so smart.

Well, you don't know what it is.

I'm a dumb animal. What's your excuse?

I'll take this over to Roger Addison.

He's the expert on flowers.

Uh...

Good shot, Addison.

You got him right between the eyes.

Darn bugs.

When it comes to protecting my roses, I become a merciless k*ller.

Oh, I wish you felt the same way about me.

I do.

You touch my roses and you'll get the same thing.

No doubt about it, my dear.

In just a few weeks, all of Santa Barbara will be talking about the Addison rose.

I was hoping you'd name your rose after me.

I did.

Your name is Addison.

Well, it's really your name.

My dear, if my name is good enough for charger counts, it's good enough for roses.

I was hoping you'd call it the K-Rose.

K-Rose?

Oh, no, no, no, no.

K doesn't have a rosy sound.

K-Rations, KP.

It's got more of an army flavor.

Now, when you were courting me, you didn't exactly treat me like an old duffel bag.

Hi, K.

Just call me Sergeant.

Has she been drafted?

We were just having a little discussion about naming my flower.

Oh, speaking of naming flowers, Rog, could you tell me the name of this one?

Oh, I'd be glad to.

Uh...

Gee, I don't know.

Gee, I don't know. It must be some kind of Italian flower, huh?

Well, it could be a Trollis Fidelis.

Maybe a Ritual Fidarius.

Might even be a Drino Aquarius.

Yeah.

Well, never mind, Rog. I'll just take it down to the Public Librarius.

Sorry.

You shouldn't put rubber bottoms on these things, shouldn't you?

Well, I'll look somewhere else while I'm here.

I beg your pardon. I don't want to bother you, but are those the F's?

See, I'm looking for a D.

I'm in a jigsaw puzzle contest.

So am I.

Thank you.

Thank you.

This is a library, not a drive-in movie.

They found us out.

Oh, hello.

Oh, look, I'm awfully sorry, but I was looking up flowers, you see,

and this drawer is F for flowers.

You see, I'm in a puzzle contest, and I've got less than an hour

that I have to identify.

Lady!

Just... You know what?

You will just have to keep quiet.

Please, I'm trying to find a book to identify this flower.

You will find it in Hammond's book on gardening.

Thank you.

Is that Hammond's book on gardening?

No, it's a textbook on thermostatic controls and mechanical engineering.

Let me know how it comes out.

I'll move my things off the seat for you.

Are you a student here at the university?

No, my wife and I are graduates.

That isn't Hammond's book on gardening.

Uh-uh.

No. Well, those petals are too fat and the stem is too thin.

Let's turn the page.

Now I've lost my pencil.

Oh, I'll get it. I'll get it.

You continue looking for our flower. We've only got an hour.

I'll get your pencil.

It's been two weeks now since the contest ended, Wilbur.

Why doesn't the newspaper send us the money?

Oh, it could be some technical reason, like we didn't win.

But we got the name of the flower. Addison found out for you.

Ed, you've got to be more patient.

Look, excuse me. I'm working. Do you mind?

You'll find out soon enough how you made out.

Those contests are all over the place.

They're all fixed. The editor's sister always wins.

Ed, you've got to learn to trust people.

See, if human beings were that suspicious of horses,

Santa and me, there would be one big parking lot.

Are you in there, honey?

Yeah.

Excuse me.

Honey, wonderful news.

You're a winner in that newspaper contest.

No kidding!

Wilbur, guess what you won.

$10,000!

No, you were the 21st winner.

Huh? 5,000? 3,000? Two? One?

How much do I owe them?

Honey, you won a prize, but it's not money.

Shut your eyes.

What for?

You'll see.

We're ready, Kay.

Now, just a minute. Don't open your eyes.

I'll tell you when.

All right, I won't.

Okay, open your eyes and look at your prize.

I won Kay?

Oh, no.

Holy cow!

I mean, a pony.

Oh, no, Wilbur, it's not a pony.

He's fully grown and very, very rare.

He's a real miniature horse.

That's beautiful.

This is my prize. I won a miniature horse.

Oh, isn't he a little doll?

One more and you'd have bookends.

His papers say he's from South America.

Look, darling.

His name is Piquito.

Isn't he the most adorable thing you ever saw?

He's so tiny. I wonder what he eats.

Probably eats hay through an eyedropper.

I wonder what Roger will say when he sees Piquito.

When is he getting back from Santa Barbara?

Tomorrow.

He called and said he was tied up with committee meetings.

But anyway, he'll be so busy getting his roses ready for the flower show,

he won't even know Piquito's here.

Oh, honey, let's put him in with Mr. Ed.

See how they get along.

Oh, Ed will love him, sure.

Come on, Mosquito.

No, no, Piquito.

Piquito, Piquito.

There you go. Come on.

Oh, you've got to be kidding me.

Oh, gee, I forgot.

The man is waiting for me to sign the receipt.

I'll be right back.

You know, I'd better get home, too.

You know, I promised Anderson I'd feed his roses.

If they miss a meal, their little stems begin growling.

Hello, Ed.

Do you feel badly about losing the $10,000 prize?

Oh, no, Wilbur.

He's beautiful.

He's gorgeous.

He's perfect.

A Reader's Digest version of me.

Oh, you cute little thing.

Oh, that's nice.

Hello?

Wilbur, can they hang a horse in California?

No, I didn't do anything.

It's Piquito.

What did he do?

Anderson's prize roses?

Well, how many did he eat?

He left a trail so long, it looks like the Rose Parade.

Ed, this little fella's eaten up half of Roger's prize roses.

Anderson will be furious.

He'll make us sell Piquito, won't he?

Sell him? He's liable to barbecue him.

Wilbur, you jump on my back,

Piquito jumps on yours,

and Mexico, here we come.

It's no use, Ed.

Now, when Roger gets back,

I'm just gonna have to tell him the simple truth.

Well, couldn't you tell him a simple lie?

No.

You see, sometimes when you tell a man the truth,

he respects you for it.

Who knows?

Roger may be understanding.

Understanding?

Wilbur, I demand that you get rid of that undersized little cannibal.

You know the city ordinance against having two horses in one residence.

Roger, please, look, wait a minute.

Remember the words of that great American Ben Franklin.

When angry, count to ten before you act.

When very angry, count to a hundred.

One, three, six,

eight, nine, two.

What kind of counting is that?

That's the phone number of the Animal Regulation Bureau.

That's a toll call.

Wilbur, is it true?

Only one horse to a house?

I'm afraid so, Ed.

Then get rid of me, Wilbur.

Paquito needs your guidance.

No, I couldn't do that, Ed.

Poor little fellow. Look at him.

He's no bigger than a little dog.

A dog?

Hey!

Well, I'm back again, Mrs. Post.

Ah, Mr. Post.

Oh, must be the light here.

We weren't expecting you till next year. Something special?

Well, there seems to be a little trouble.

I'm afraid so, Ed.

Are you alone?

Yes, but I'm expecting a very beautiful client.

Oh.

What can I do for you, Mr. Rasmussen?

Oh, well, we've had a little complaint, Mr. Post.

It seems you've acquired a second horse.

And you know, that's against city regulations.

A second horse? Where did you hear this?

We are not allowed to reveal the identity of the complaint.

Roger Addison.

Exactly. Roger Addison.

Remember, Mr. Post, you said it.

Now, this second horse is described as being about 30 inches high.

Oh, horse? No, you must mean Fido.

Fido?

A very wonderful dog.

All right, come on, Fido. Come on, baby.

Heel, heel, heel.

That's the boy.

He's an oversized French poodle.

He seems to look a little like a horse.

Thank you. A lot of people say that.

But I always say that if you feed a dog well and give him plenty of fresh air, exercise and sunshine,

well, there's no telling what he'll grow into, how big he'll grow into.

He feels like a horse.

Yeah, well, that's my fault. See, I didn't give him a nice haircut this week. I skipped it.

He sounds like a horse.

Up, up, up, up, up.

There. You never heard a horse bark, did you?

No. Does he do any tricks?

Does he do... Sure, just a minute.

Come on, Fido. There we go.

All right, now, Fido, I want you to sit up.

That's a boy.

Sit up and pray.

Isn't that beautiful?

Now, hit the man's foot. Hit the man's foot.

Hit his foot.

Oh, boy, isn't that wonderful?

Ever see a smart dog like that?

Incredible.

You should enter him in a dog show.

You ought to see him fetch.

I'll go in the kitchen and get a bone.

Easy there, boy.

Down. Nice doggy. Nice doggy.

Nice doggy.

Down. Nice doggy.

Down. Nice doggy.

Nice doggy.

Nice doggy.

He's very friendly. I see him jump into our bed every night.

I see you got here, Mr. Rasmussen.

Did you tell him to get rid of that second horse?

Is that you, Mr. Rasmussen?

Why, of course it's me.

Mr. Rasmussen, you must be nearsighted.

This isn't a horse. It's a dog.

A dog?

Atta boy. Roll over.

Sit up.

Heel. There.

Did you ever see a horse do things like that?

Mr. Rasmussen, put these on, please.

Roger.

Paquito doesn't have any place to stay.

I mean, he didn't know what he was doing, Rog.

Look, give me a little time, huh?

I'll find him a new home.

Uh...

You're right, Mr. Rasmussen.

I am nearsighted.

Goodbye, Fido.

Or Moomer.

In the future, keep Fido away from my roses.

Right.

Thanks a lot, huh?

He's a nice fella,

but a little vain about wearing glasses.

Well, some people are like that.

Goodbye, Mr. Post.

Goodbye, Mr. Rasmussen.

Goodbye, Fido.

My hat, please.

Yeah, all right.

He doesn't need glasses.

He needs a crash helmet.

Hi, Ed.

Ah, I was just over at the Ferguson's.

Oh, you should see Paquito.

He's having a ball with their little boys.

Oh, I'm glad.

You think the little fella will be happy living with them, huh?

Oh, sure.

You know little boys, they love dogs and horses.

Yeah, and then they get older and it becomes girls.

Then they get married and it's back to dogs and horses.

A horse is a horse, of course, of course

And no one can talk to a horse, of course

That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mr. Ed

Go right to the source and ask the horse

He'll give you the answer that you endorse

He's always on a steady course

Talk to Mr. Ed

People yakety-yak a streak

And waste your time a day

But Mr. Ed will never speak

Unless he has something to say

A horse is a horse, of course, of course

And this one will talk to his voice, his voice

You never heard of a talking horse?

Well, listen to this

I am Mr. Ed

This has been a Filmways presentation