02x10 - Fat Like Dat

[bunniefuu]

♪ Martin ♪

How y'all been? ♪ Martin

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

Yo, man, why are we watchingbarney?

Where's the remote?

It's over there on the tv.

Cole, get that for me?

Yo, tommy, get the remote.

I ain't getting it. I got it last time.

So nobody's going to get the remote.

No.no. I ain't. I already did.

I'll get it, o.k.?

O.k.

Watch my chips.

What? Oh. Me and gina had a long morning.

Sounds to me like you're out of shape there, pal.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Tommy, out of shape?

Yeah.

I don't know if you noticed,

But you need to be shopping for a bra.

Whoo!

Yeah, yeah. Yesterday when you wore the tank top,

I was trying to sneak a peek.

Hey, stop.

But, martin, what about the back of your neck?

What about it?

Look like a pack of hot dogs.

Oh, bro! Yo, tommy, get the mustard.

Get the mustard!

Get the mustard.

Give me a bite.

You know what? Fellas, listen. Listen to us.

Why are we arguing?

All three of us are out of shape.

We really need to go work out.

You sound like gina,

Always wanting me to go

To one of her exercise classes.

Word up, them classes are whack.

Yeah.

Got a bunch of sweaty women.

Yeah.

Jumping all around with...

With tight clothes on

And things jiggling, you know,

In all the right places.

So w-when-- when do we start?

Tomorrow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

Y'all better not embarrass us.

Florence will be here. Excuse me.

Whoo!

How you doing, girl?

Martin, baby, you've never done this,

So you should stretch.

You could hurt yourself.

Stretch?

Yeah.

Ouch! Oh! I think I pulled a muscle.

Tommy, please, help me down.

Oh, damn. I didn't-- I didn't--

Bam. I didn't stretch.

Ha ha ha!

I'm sure you're right, martin.

You guys are strong, athletic men.

You'll do just fine.

Thank you. We will be all right.

Hello, everybody. Whoop. How you doing?

Florence.

Hey, pam. How you doing?

Welcome to step aerobics level .

I see we have three new men

Joining our class today.

Mm-hmm.

Get rid of the food.

See? On her bad side already.

Welcome, gentlemen,

And good luck.

Thank you.

Good luck, martin.

You'll need it, tommy.

Uh, flo-jo, kick the music.

And , , , .

And up and down.

And up and down.

And up and down.

And up and down.

And up and down.

And up and down.

Look, gina, no hands.

I'm a wild boy.

All right. All right.

That was a great warmup.

Now let's pick up the pace!

Come on! Come on, people! Work with me!

Yo, man. They're starting to notice.

Get up. You're making me look bad.

Yo. Yo. I can't feel my legs.

O.k. So what I'm going to do

Is work here on my back a while.

I'll be with you, man.

Yo, tommy, cole's a punk, man.

It's just me and you, brother.

Just me and you.

Tommy.

Tommy, look, man, get up, all right?

Don't let them break you, o.k.?

Have some pride. What's your name?

What's your name?

Toby!

Damn.

You all right, martin?

Yeah, gina, I'm cool.

You broke my boys, but not me.

Don't worry, baby. I'll be all right.

Baby.

Honey--

Boy, what are you doing?

Stop the music!

Stop the music.

You're pathetic.

Why don't you just quit?

Why don't you and your, uh...girlfriends

Go crawling back to your couches

To your forties?

'Cause you make me sick.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Leave him alone now.

He can't help who he is.

Come on, baby. It's o.k. Quit.

If you want to quit, that's your prerogative.

I'm just trying to--

That's right, martin. Just quit, you know?

'Cause you is a punk--

P-u-n-k. Punk!

Ain't he a punk?

Punk.

So...

So y'all think I'm a punk.

Oh, yes.

Y'all think I'm soft.

Soft. Yeah. Uh-huh.

I think y'all think I'm acting like a b*tch.

Yeah. Uh-huh. I'll say.

Beady-bead...

You done started something.

See what you can--

Flo-jo, kick the music,

And let's get to stepping.

You won't last five seconds.

Somebody done told you wrong.

Kick it!

Rise and shine, gina!

Rise and shine!

All right, gina. Time to do your road work.

Boy, are you crazy?

It's : in the morning.

Baby, you just woke up.

Yeah, yeah.

All right?

Now, gina, we are half an hour behind schedule.

Let's get going.

Your body fat is way too high,

And that's a damn shame.

Let's go.

Hey, martin, w--

What?

Women have more body fat than men, o.k.?

You and oprah can believe that if you want.

But you better watch it, gina,

Or d*ck gregory will be here with a crane

Trying to hoist your big a*s out the door.

Shut up, martin.

Ever since you went to that aerobics class,

You've been on this health kick,

And I'm tired of it.

Oh, you're tired of it.

You ain't tired of it.

I'll tell you the problem--

Gina, you're tired of destroying yourself,

Because you are doing that--

Your mind, body, and soul.

I can't stand to watch it no more.

Bam.

Don't watch, because I'm getting ready

To make me some bacon and eggs.

Gina, feel me, love me.

Did you say bacon?

No, no. Not the pork.

Not in my house, gina, o.k.?

Lips that touch swine will never touch mine,

Girl, because I feel so divine.

Martin, where-- where's all the food?

There's nothing in here but vegetables.

Gina, I threw all the junk food out.

Check the freezer. I got something for you.

What--

What is this?

Uh, frozen broccoli pops.

Don't eat them all at once.

That's it. I'm going down to porky's bacon barrel,

And I'm getting me a sandwich.

Don't do that. No, girl, girl.

I will see you tonight at the gym.

We'll talk about it.

Yo, man, remember me?

Brother man. I'm upstairs, fifth floor.

O.k., Brother man from the fifth floor.

No, you did not just come out of my bathroom.

We ain't got no hot water upstairs,

So I just came down to use your shower.

I guess I shouldn't have done that, huh?

Y-y-y-you're damn skippy, brother man.

You know, brother man, I got my lady in here.

I don't know what you're used to, bro, o.k.?

But where I'm from,

Coming up into people's house unannounced

Will sure enough get a cap in your a*s.

My bad.

You damn right, it's your bad.

What makes you think--

You can walk up-- come up here--

Hold up. Hold up. Hold up.

No, you do not have on my robe.

Guess I shouldn't have done that.

My robe, bro man, my robe.

Brother man, raise up-- I mean raise out.

Raise out, brother man.

Just roll, man, o.k.?

Keep the robe. I'll get it later.

Guess I'll go out the way I came in.

Hey, you know?

You know--

I--i'm going to get mine. I'm going to get mine.

Ahem.

Stan, what are you doing here?

Gina, I'm just here

To show off my leopard.

Women find it irresistible.

Can you feel the power of the jungle?

No, but we can smell it.

Forget you.

What about you, sean?

What you doing here?

I got to get in shape for this weekend.

I've got to move my trailer

To the other side of the park.

What's so hard about that?

I don't have a car.

Get him away from me.

Sean, go that way.

Back to the back.

Hey.

Y'all almost ready?

Excuse me.

Hoo!

Mr. Jack la lanne,

Where's our real instructor florence?

Beady-bead, all right.

Florence hurt her ankle this morning.

I told her I'd take over.

Now excuse me.

You, you, you...

And you. Bow.

Bam. Bow. Bow.

Uh...bow. All right.

Uh, listen up.

Take a good look at these ladies,

'Cause that's the last time you going to see them.

Ladies, get out.

What did we do?

What do you mean, what did we do?

I saw you at rollo's chicken shack last night,

Eating all that chicken.

Lips so greasy, looked like you had armor-all on them.

O.k. Outta my sight.

Outta! You work it out, then.

Work it out, then, huh?

All right. Now that they're gone...

Let's get it on.

Ooh!

[Aerobic music plays]

Gina. Gina!

Gina, he's out of control.

Do something about him!

I know. I think I got an idea.

Now, that was the warmup.

Let's pick it up!

Screech! Switch!

What's up, baby?

Thought we, uh, were going out to eat.

I thought we'd stay in and celebrate.

I have seen the light.

I'm going on the martin payne program

First thing tomorrow.

See, girl? Standing by your man.

You go, girl.

I'm going.

Where you want to go? I'll drop you off.

Hey...

I'm going to get in shape just like you, baby.

Let me feel that rock-hard stomach of yours.

Love me, adore me.

Whoo! Oh, baby, you flexed.

You think good thoughts. You do good things.

Got my plate for me.

You juiced my beets the way I like them?

Of course I did.

Here's your health, huh?

Uh, baby...

Gina, what you got there?

Oh, this?

Yeah.

This is just nasty leftovers--

Some mashed potatoes, steak, yams.

I'm trying to get it out of my system

So I can start my diet. Isn't this nasty?

Yes, it's nasty, gina,

And it's fattening, too, huh?

I mean, two types of potatoes?

Huh?

Why don't you take the fat,

Put it where you want the fat to go?

That's where it ends up.

I know, baby. I know. This is so nasty.

But it tastes so good, martin.

Yeah.

Oh, baby, how you enjoying your rice cake?

Oh, these are cool.

Got a little seasoning on them.

The seasoning.

The seasoning. Martin, thank you.

I almost forgot my seasoning.

Put it on my meal.

Mmm.

Is it-- is that gravy?

Ooh.

You'll splat the gravy right on the thing.

Ooh.

Now you're going to take it towards the meat?

Wow, gina.

Look how it's hitting the meat.

Now you're going over your potat--oh.

Mm-mm!

Boy, I'm going to tear this up.

Martin, I'm going to tear it up,

Tear it up.

Mm. Mmm...

Ohh!

Oh, ba--baby, baby,

You got a little gravy on your thing.

Let me get that off with the rice cake.

Girl, I'll get it off.

Martin, let me take care of this

In the bathroom, o.k.?

I'll wash it right off.

Uh, you're enjoying your celery?

You think I'm not, gina?

Baby, let me explain something to you, all right?

I don't live to eat.

I eat to live, huh?

Think of how powerful I just came.

I will, martin.

You're so wise.

What?

[Muttering]

Don't break now.

Oh, damn! Oh.

Yeah. Don't break, don't break,

Don't break, don't break, don't break.

Martin, you all right?

I'm cool, gina.

You enjoying your dinner, baby?

Baby, I know what you're trying to do,

And it ain't going to work, gina,

Because I'm not going back

To what I was.

[Bell rings]

What's that?

Nothing.

Gina, don't tell me nothing.

I know that smell.

It's nothing, martin.

It's just your mama's raisin butter biscuits,

That's all it is.

Not my mama's biscuits!

Not my mama's biscuits, gina.

I don't know why that woman brought these biscuits by.

She must not have known, martin,

That you're on this strict diet,

You know what I'm saying?

You know what I'm going to do?

I'll throw these away.

No. Don't you throw those away.

Those are perfectly good biscuits.

Well, baby, I don't want to tempt you now.

Somebody might want to come by, have a biscuit--

Brother man, anybody, I don't know.

Martin, it's all for the best now.

Those are good biscuits, damn it.

Come on. Give me some of these!

Yes, baby!

Oh, my baby's back! My baby's back!

My baby's back, yes.

Wait in the room. You're next.

Gina!

Huh?

Get the gravy boat.

We can do some things.

Excuse me while I go sop her up.


Martin. Martin, why are we watching this again?

Where's the remote?

On the tv. I'm not getting it.

I ain't getting it, either.

Y'all a bunch of lazy punks.

Can't even get up and get the remote?

I'll get it, o.k.?