02x09 - To k*ll a Talking Bird

[bunniefuu]

Rtunities are low.

Rtunities are low.

You know what I'm saying?

So we got to roll 'em.

Your turn, brother.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

Shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em up...

Shake!

Yeah!yeah! Yeah!

Aww! Aww!aww!

That's the sixth time!

[Martin] pay up.

Uh-oh!

What--what is going on?

What all--

Gina, I'm glad you're here.

These kids just broke in here.

What's up with that?

No, they didn't, roscoe.

All right, all right. I was trying to get paid,

But don't worry, gina.

I'll give you your cut.

You look like you need some new shoes.

You want to play?

Boy, give me these dice!

Look at my house!

You--you--you...

Roscoe, these dice are loaded.

No, they're not.

They are, too. Gina, look at this.

Look...look.

Hey, man.

Why you rubbing up on me, arthur, man?

We grew up together.

Ask me if I'm the one.

Are you?

No, I'm not. You should know that.

She the one, man.

That's right, man.

She is the head of operations, arthur.

If you the head, I want my money back.

She get a lot of money

From bootlegging and running numbers.

No, no, no! Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

[Kids yelling]

Captioning made possible by warner bros.

♪ Martin ♪

How y'all been? ♪ Martin

♪ Martin ♪

♪ Martin ♪

Here you go.

Come on up in here.

Now don't be getting all shy.

Gina!

You back from taking your mother to the airport already?

Baby, mama's downstairs in the car.

She wanted us

To take care of ruby while she's gone, o.k.?

I don't want to take care of her bird.

It's just a bird. Whazzup?

Your mother is always imposing on us,

And you never say no.

You jump for her.

I do not jump.

[Car horn honks]

I gots to go.

See that?

Yes, I see, gina.

She's my mother. I respect her. You should, too.

Why? She doesn't respect me.

She didn't even come up. Your mother's rude.

Gina, don't go there on moms, o.k.?

Moms is not rude.

[Car horn honks]

[Mama] don't be wasting your time

With that apple-headed heifer!

I'm going to miss my plane!

I gots to get me a window seat!

Gina, I got to go.

Martin, what about her?

Gina, it's a bird!

It's a parrot, o.k.?

You talk to it, it talks back, o.k.?

You always talking, blah, blah.

Now you got somebody to listen.

Baby, it's a bird. Squawk! It's a bird.

Wait, wait, wait!

She got a nerve leaving this bird up in here.

You are kind of cute, though.

Pretty bird. Nice bird.

Not like that old mean mama payne, huh?

Aww...heifer.

Did she just...

Aww...heifer.

Shut up!

Heifer.

Shut up!

Heifer.

I'm warning you. Shut up. Shut it up!

Heifer, heifer, heifer, heifer.

That's it!

That's it! I warned you.

You are hot wings, do you hear me, hot wings!

Gina.

What?

What are you doing?

Getting ready to make some dinner.

Can you pluck a parrot?

Look at you, carrying around a skillet,

Like you're going to cook something up.

Come on over here, girl. Sit down.

Tell me what's the matter.

Martin, the bird has been calling me names all day.

It called me a heifer.

The bird calls everybody heifer.

It's the only word the bird knows, babe.

Muscle butt.

The bird-- what did you say, rube?

Martin, that was about me!

Well, you have been

Hitting the stairmaster kind of hard lately.

I'm sorry, but the cheeks are so tight,

It looks like you could pick up

A cherry by the stem.

No. Don't say nothing to me.

You're not even understanding my plight.

I am understanding your plight.

Baby, baby, come on.

Girl, stop it now.

What would the bird be calling you names for?

It's your mother's bird, martin.

Think about it.

Here we go with that mother stuff again.

You know what? You're paranoid.

[Knock on door]

Oh, man!

The bird's got a g*n!

Now, what would the bird have a g*n for?

The g*n would be heavier than the bird.

Some damn thing don't make no sense.

Hey. Come on. Hey.

Is she still talking about that bird?

She called three times today.

What you two talking about?

I was just letting pam know

If she oils her buckshots,

It's a little easier on the neck.

That's all that it was.

I was letting martin know

I'm about to drop-kick him.

Oh, o.k. That sounds about right.

I got to get ready to go now. Love ya.

All right.

Look, I'm serious about the buckshots.

I'm serious about the drop-kick.

O.k. All right.

You know, there's a couple of horse stables

Missing their tail.

Missing their tail.

Whoa. It's freezing in here.

I'll close the window.

Yo. That was a good workout, girl.

I needed that.

How many sit-ups did you do?

Four.

That's between us.

I think we deserve a little treat.

Bring it on out.

Hey.

Ahh.

Here we go.

I didn't know that bird had me so stressed out.

It's not the bird.

It's martin's mother.

She's really horrible to me,

But I can't talk to martin about it.

He thinks she's clair huxtable,

But with a mustache. She got a little goatee.

Hey-o.

Bootie.

So, what's up, baby?

My snookums all right, huh?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm o.k.

No, gina, you're not o.k.

Martin, she has a problem with your mother.

I suggest you handle it.

Pam!

No, no.

Pam, I've got a problem

With your breath smelling like train smoke.

I suggest you handle that.

Ooh, ooh.

Yo, you talking about mothers

And having problems,

Maybe I could give you some advice.

Big shirley and moms could not stand each other at first

Until they figured out

They had one thing in common...

Chicken fingers.

And that worked?

Yeah, until that one time

There was one left in the box.

All hell broke loose.

I--i never really had a problem with mothers.

Fathers were the ones that couldn't stand me.

They always thought I wanted to do something nasty with their daughters.

You were trying to do something nasty with their daughters.

Yeah, but they had no right to prejudge me.

Whoo! Uh, pam, looky here.

You used to have boyfriends.

I know this.

Did they get along with your mother?

If you really must know,

Yes, she loved them,

Especially the last one.

Now he's my stepfather.

What? That was your mom? Ah-h*.

I seen that on montel.

Shut up.

Yeah, well that's all y'all moms, o.k.?

O.k.? Because my moms is perfect.

Everybody loves my mama except gina, right?

♪ Nobody love me but my mom ♪♪

So--so y'all got a problem with my moms?

O.k., Gina, you the one that's leading the l*nch m*b.

What's up with moms?

O.k.

She calls me heifer.

Oh, come on, you're being too sensitive.

Next time moms calls you heifer,

Come back with something real clever

Like "ha ha. Miss payne,

You something else. It's real cool."

Cole, you're scratching your head.

What's up with my moms, man?

She hits me.

Come on, man, you ain't no punk like that.

That's mama playing. That's love taps.

I mean, I don't complain

When I'm kickboxing with your mom.

Bam, bam, bam.

Right? You know?

Gina, martin's never going to understand where you coming from.

I suggest you talk to her yourself.

I've tried,

But I don't know where to begin.

You could talk about ruby.

I hate that bird.

What would I say?

Maybe you could explain that...

Ruby dead!

Why, baby?

Why you k*ll my mama bird?

Martin, I'm so sorry.

I didn't mean to, honey--

Oh, please, come on, gina, with the lies.

You k*lled my mama bird

Because you hate my mother.

I hate your father,

But the damn dog's still alive.

Ruff-ruff's still running around for a leg to hump.

When gina left the window open,

She didn't know the bird would freeze to death.

[Indian accent] oh, this is terrible tragedy,

But, uh, since the bird is dead anyway,

Anybody got any shake 'n' bake?

Whoo-ha-ha-hoo!

Whoo!

Whoo-whoo-whoo.

Martin, it was an accident...

Wasn't it, gina?

Yes, pam, yes.

Martin, I'm so, so sorry, o.k.?

I didn't mean to.

Look, baby, it's my mama bird, o.k.?

O.k., My mama bird, baby.

Just forget it. The bird is gone.

She's in a better place, we hope, o.k.?

But what you got to worry about is my mama.

You got to worry about my mama.

Oh god, she's going to hate me.

No, gina, mama already hates you.

Now she's going to get the slicing.

I know my mama.

Oh, no. What am I going to do?

Here, look,

Why don't you just tell her the truth?

That's the dumbest excuse

I've seen in my damn life.

Or, or, or...

You could lie.

I like that idea better.

No, I don't lie to my mama.

I do. We're going down to the pet shop, right?

We could get a bird that looks exactly like ruby.

You know what, gina? I'll tell you like this.

You better hope that works

Because if you don't, that's your a*s, o.k.?

Cole, give me the bird.

Well, babe, I mean you left the window open.

How can I help you?

I'll get straight to the point.

We want a parrot.

Ahh. Do you know what variety you're interested in ?

A yellow and green one.

I'm sorry. You need to be more specific.

O.k. It talks.

I need a little more to go on.

I can't--

You need a little more? You need a little more?

O.k., Can you see it now?

Oh, my god.

This bird's dead. You k*lled it.

How come when you see a dead bird,

You always assume the black man did it?

How come the black man always got to k*ll the bird?

How come it can't be the black woman?

It was a mistake.

Baby, don't feel bad.

You didn't mean to do it.

Everything's cool, all right.

Between us,

She took him out.

Can you give me another one?

Follow me.

All right. Cool.

How 'bout this one over here?

Martin, come here.

This one looks just like ruby.

We'll take this one. How much is it?

$,.

Cool. Let me get my checkbook.

Do you have that much money?

No, but I've got the $ it will cost

To put a stop payment on the check.

Martin--martin, no.

Just look pretty. I'm trying to help you out.

This is crazy. I'll tell your mother the truth.

Gina, don't do that.

I love you too much to lose you.

If I want her respect, I have to stand up to her.

That's why she walks all over me.

I got to do this.

You sure?

O.k., Fine, fine, fine, gina, all right.

I guess that's the only way

Mom's is going to give you your props.

Yeah, baby.

Do you think you could be there with me?

Hell, no.

I didn't k*ll no bird, all right?

You want to talk, you talk,

But I'm telling you, baby,

This relationship-- I don't know.

[Knock on door]

Well, I don't have to ask where martin is.

I'm sure he's out getting enough feed for his heifer.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'll get my ruby and go.

Oh, mrs. Payne, look...

I have to tell you something.

Unless you're going to tell me

You're moving back to skeezerville, I don't care.

Now, move, light skin, move.

O.k., Mrs. Payne, look...

I know we've had our differences,

But all I wanted was for you to like me.

Apple head, cut the bull.

What do you want to tell me?

You need to sit down.

Hell, no. Uh-uh.

Mama's feets stay planted.

I might have to bring two to the body then to the head.

What you want, gina?

Mrs. Payne, ruby is dead.

Dead?

Yes,

She is.

I put her in this shoebox.

Uh, oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Damn, damn, damn!

[Screaming]

Take me, lord!

B-b-b-b-b.

Mama's bad, gina.

Now, just tell mama what happened.

O.k.

It was an accident, right?

I left the window open,

And--and she froze.

That's what happened.

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did.

You didn't.

Yes, I did. I probably did it on purpose.

You didn't. Martin k*lled my bird.

No, he didn't. It was me.

Because, gina, lord knows if you had hurt my ruby,

If you had hurt my bird,

I'd grab your apple head,

And I'd slice and dice it

And kick it

And tear it up.

And I'd grab it like this, and...

I'd probably be like this.

No, you didn't.

No, you didn't, gina.

Now, what--what were you going to tell me?

Well, what can I say?

You saw right through me.

That wasn't hard, as light as you are.

You tell martin...

I'll deal with him later.

O.k., You do that.

Lord.

All I wanted was chicken today.

I just--i just...

Oh, no.

Damn, damn, damn!

Oh! Oh!

Gina, lying to protect my boy...

Girl, if you keep it up,

I might learn to respect you

In spite of your evil ways.

Damn, damn, damn!

Aah!

Oh, god, thank you.

Thank goodness it's over and nobody got hurt.

Whoa.

[Martin] hey, mama... Uh...

Did gina tell you what happened?

[Slap]

No!

[Banging on door]

Let us all say...

Amen.

[Bird call]

Man, she looks so peaceful.

I'd swear she was sleeping

If it weren't for the smell.

Uh, stan...

Mother's in the room laying down,

And she wanted me to thank you for the lovely service.

You know, ruby wasn't just a bird,

You know, my mama bird,

And...ruby was family, stan, so thank you.

I know this is a difficult time

For you and your family,

But there are certain expenses

Associated with the funeral.

Hey, I understand, all right.

Business is business. Mama gave me a check.

Whoa. Sean, let's go.

Let's leave martin and his family to grieve.

Time to lay the beloved to her final rest.

Do you want to say something before we go?

I love you, ruby.

Uh, everybody please say goodbye to my mama bird.

Bye, m-m-mama bird.

♪ How do I say goodbye ♪

♪ To what we had? ♪

♪ I thought that we'd get to see forever ♪

♪ But forever's gone away ♪

♪ It's so hard ♪

♪ To say goodbye ♪

♪ Since my mama's bird ♪

♪ Has gone away ♪♪