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01x36 - Haunted RV

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Uncle Grandpa". Aired: September 2, 2013 – June 30, 2017.*
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Uncle Grandpa is a magical shapeshifting person that stops by children's houses every day to see how they are doing.

01x36 - Haunted RV

Post by bunniefuu »

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

Uncle grandpa: good morning!

Good morning.

Good morning.

Grft: [ roars ]

Uncle grandpa: good morning.

Good morning!

All: trick or treat!

Trick or treat!

Trick or treat!

Trick or treat!

[ Indistinct talking ]

Uncle grandpa: welcome one

And all to uncle grandpa's

Haunted r.v.!

Step right up and test your

Nerves against the most

Bone-chillingful,

Spine-tinglingest,

Goose-bumpley, horrificial...

[ Ducks quack ]

...super-duper spookified,

Haunted house on wheels!

Belly bag: it's really scary!

Whooooo!

[ Chuckles ]

Uncle grandpa: that's right,

Belly spider!

So, who's gonna be the first

Kids brave enough to explore the

Horrortorium?!

[ All gasp ]

We'll take that challenge!

[ Gasps ] teens!

Out of my way, pip-squeak!

Gimme that!

We've been to
allthe haunted

Houses in town, and ain't none

Of them's scared us yet!

Yeah!

They're all for little

Babies.

[ Muffled ] yeah!

But since you're

Uncle grandpa,we figure your

Haunted house will at least be

Weirder than the rest.

[ Munches ] what he said!

Uncle grandpa: you jaded

Juveniles are in luck!

There's chills aplenty right

Behind this door!

Follow me -- if you dare!

Come on in.

Try not to wet yourselves as you

Quake in fear at the r.v. Of

Doom!

Let me show you around.

Prepare to witness the horror of

Mr. Gus' creepy clown corner!

[ Gasps ]

Mr. Gus: you probably think

I'm a funny clown.

[ Blows ]

But you better not laugh at me

'Cause when people laugh at

Me...

I take their heads...

With this!

Like this!

Lame!

That's the scariest you

Got -- some painted-up lizard

Guy?

Uncle grandpa: not creepy

Enough, huh?

You guys are toughies.

Belly bag: let's see how

Tough they are when they witness

The spirit that haunts these

Halls!

Uncle grandpa: [ gasps ]

That's pretty scary, right?

Grft: [ farting ]

[ Scoffs ]

Ghosts don't toot rainbows!

Grft: [ farting continues ]

Don't worry.

I got this.

Watch!

Grft: [ growls ]

[ Farting ]

[ Roaring ]

Nice giant, realistic, flying

Ghost, grandpa!

Uncle grandpa: I guess psycho

Clowns and spooky spirits

Aren't...

Uncle grandpa #2: scary

Enough for you skeptical teens.

Well, follow me for something

Reallyscary.

They say this thing is haunted.

Pizza steve: oooooh!

Uncle grandpa: haunted by the

Undead corpse of the discarded

Soulless slice!

It's zombie pizza steve!

Pizza steve: I smell...

I smell wet, gooey teenage

Brains!

Uncle grandpa: aah!

Aah!

Aaaaah!

Eee!

That is solame!

This isn't brains!

It's spaghetti!

Pizza steve: [ slurping ]

[ Pop! ]

Mmm!

Brain food.

Come on, guys, we're out of

Here!

Uncle grandpa: let me get

This straight!

You're saying you didn't like

Our super-spooky haunted house?

Why was it so lame and

Boring?!

Yeah!

You're uncle grandpa.

You're magical and crazy.

Yeah!

Uncle grandpa: what?!

I'm not crazy!

I'm the most normal guy I know.

[ Swish! Ponk! Ting! ]

I don't want to let you precious

Children down!

You deserve a haunted house that

Only the [finger snaps] craziest

Brain can think up!

I know what we need!

Hey, frankenstein!

[ Air whistling ]

[ Moans ]

Uncle grandpa: I don't know

Anyone crazier than

Frankenstein.

Hey, frankie, I was wondering

If I could borrow your mad

Monster mind.

[ Moans ]

Uncle grandpa: yippee!

I'll just go through you

Chassis.

[ Grunts ]

[ Squish! ]

Uncle grandpa: got it!

[ Grunting ]

[ Ting! ]

Thanks, frankenstein!

[ Squeaky voice ] it's all

Good!

[ Spits ]

Uncle grandpa: [ humming ]

[ Clatters ]

[ Humming continues ]

[ Electricity crackles ]

That takes care of that.

Um, is something supposed to

Happen?

Uncle grandpa: oh, yeah.

There we go!

[ Snorts, hisses ]

[ Shrieking ]

[ Roaring ]

[ Roars, spits ]

[ Roaring ]

[ Lightning strikes ]

Uncle grandpa: so, what do
you think?
Is it scary yet?

[ Chuckles nervously ]

Uh, I've seen scarier.

Anyway, we've still got a whole

Evening of pumpkin smashing and

Other assorted halloween-type

Mischief planned, so we should

Get going.

Nonsense!

Come inside, suckas!

[ All screaming ]

Uncle grandpa: well, that was

A resounding success!

They seemed pretty scared!

I guess I'll go unplug the brain

Now.

[ Roars ]

Uncle grandpa: shh!

Quiet.

[ Cicadas chirping ]

You're not gonna believe this,

But frankenstein's brain's gone

Haunting.

It's probably up in there,

Giving those kids the scare of

Their young lives.

[ All screaming ]

Mr. Gus: shouldn't we go

Rescue them?

Belly bag: aw, man!

Do we haveto?

[ Door creaks open ]

Uncle grandpa: yoo-hoo!

Anybody home?!

Wow!

Good job, frankenstein's brain!

I'm not sure where anything is

Anymore.

Which way should we go?

[ Rattling ]

[ Roars ]

Mr. Gus: let's go thatway.

[ Zip! ]

[ All screaming ]

Uncle grandpa: [ gasps ]

I think that's beary nice over

There!

Hey, beary, have you seen

Frankenstein's brain anywhere?!

Brains?

Brains!

[ All screaming ]

[ Zip! Zip! ]

Uncle grandpa: aaaaah!

Tiny miracle!

Did somebody say -- oh, hey,

g*ng!

Uncle grandpa: are you a

Spider for halloween?

No, I was vacuuming cobwebs,

And I got stuck.

Uncle grandpa: did you happen

To see a brain about this size

Come through here?

We need to unplug it and save

Some kids from this creepy

Haunted house.

Well, I thought I heard some

Screaming from behind that big

Door over there.

[ All screaming ]

Uncle grandpa: cool, thanks,

Tiny.

Come on, guys!

Good luck!

[ Spider chitters ]

Mr. Gus: [ grunting ]

It's locked!

Need to get in, do you?

[ Tink! Tink! Tink! ]

Iwill open this cage and give

You the key if you give to me

These kisses three.

[ Murmuring seductively ]

Pizza steve: I am notkissing

That thing.
Mr. Gus: me neither!

Belly bag: maybe we should

Draw straws!

Uncle grandpa: I already drew

One, but I don't see how that

Will help us decide.

Pizza steve: I don't know.

I'm thinking maybe belly bag

Should do it.

Belly bag: ihave standards!

Uncle grandpa: I heard

Mr. Gus is a good kisser.

Mr. Gus: while that rumor may

Be true, doesn't mean I have to

Do it!

[ Indistinct shouting ]

Pizza steve: I definitely

Don't want to!

Grft: [ roars ]

Uncle grandpa: oh, good job,

Tiger!

Grft: [ farting ]

[ Gasps ]

[ Sighs ]

Uncle grandpa: [ smooch! ]

[ Giggling ]

Uncle grandpa: holy moly!

Frankenstein's brain is out of

Control!

[ Roaring ]

[ All screaming ]

[ Electricity crackles ]

Uncle grandpa: oh, no!

The brain grows by feeding on

Fear!

Pizza steve: and all this

Time, I thought the brain grew

From trivia.

Mr. Gus: I think we just got

To disconnect those jumper-cable

Thingies.

Pizza steve: stand back,

Guys.

I'll take down this

Wack-brainiac with some italian

Karate!

Wah-tay!

Wah-tay!

[ Growls ]

Pizza steve: waaah!

[ Breathes heavily, clears

Throat ]

I didn't really get scared, more

Just cautious.

Mr. Gus: oh, yeah?

Then why is it growing again?

Pizza steve: must feed on

Fear andcaution.

Uncle grandpa: I know!

I can't get scared with my eyes

Closed!

Belly bag, laser hammer me!

Belly bag: here you go!

Uncle grandpa: [ screaming ]

[ All screaming ]

[ Electricity crackles ]

Uncle grandpa: darn it!

Mr. Gus: hey, brain, you

Ain't the only one here who's

Oversized and powerful!

[ Roars ]

[ Roars, grunting ]

[ Roaring ]

Mr. Gus: aah!

[ Zip! ]

[ Electricity crackles ]

Mr. Gus: well, I tried.

Uncle grandpa: guess it's

Your turn, honey.

Grft: [ roars ]

[ Farting ]

Pizza steve: come back here,

You scaredy cat!

Come back and take me with you!

Uncle grandpa: let her go,

Pizza steve.

Please save us,

Uncle grandpa!

Mr. Gus: well, how can we

Save them when every time that

Thing scares us, it gets bigger

And stronger?

Uncle grandpa: hmm.

I got it!

Belly bag, hand me a light bulb.

Belly bag: here you go!

[ Ting! ]

Uncle grandpa: I got it!

We just need to put our minds

Together!

[ Roars ]

[ All screaming ]

Uncle grandpa: hey, brain

Monster, you're not so scary!

[ Roars ]

[ Roaring ]

[ Spiders chittering ]

[ Roars ]

[ Chain saws buzzing ]

[ Roars ]

Uncle grandpa: all right,

It's working!

Pizza steve: great idea,

Uncle g., Putting our minds

Together.

Mr. Gus: yeah!

Now our vacant bodies can't

Process fear.

Ha ha!

Uncle grandpa: uh-oh!

Time to look away!

[ Zip! ]

[ Roars ]

[ Blip! ]

[ All crying ]

[ Hissing ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Electricity crackles ]

Uncle grandpa: almost there!

[ Roaring ]

[ Roaring ]

Uncle grandpa: [ yawns ]

[ Poof! ]

[ Roars ]

[ Electricity crackles ]

Uncle grandpa: now!

[ Zip! ]

Pizza steve: [ shouts ]

Mr. Gus: [ grunts ]

[ Swish! ]

[ Pop! ]

[ Poof! Twinkle! ]

[ Poof! Twinkle! ]

Aah!

[ Poof! Twinkle! ]

Oh?

[ Clatters ]

Lunch!

[ Poof! Twinkle! ]

Love!

[ Twinkle! ]

[ All screaming ]

Babies.

[ Screaming continues ]

Pizza steve: guess we showed

Thema thing or two about

Scary.

Mr. Gus: why did you say that

In pizza steve's voice?

Pizza steve: I don't know.

Maybe uncle g mixed our brains

Up when he put 'em back in.

[ Moans ]

Uncle grandpa: hey, guys, one

Of those teenagers left their

Bag of candy!

Should we eat it or switch our

Brains back first?

All: candy first!

[ Moans ]

Uncle grandpa: [ mumbling ]

Happy halloween, kids!


[ Up-tempo music plays ]

That was quitedelicious.