05x25 - Fair Exchange

[bunniefuu]

[♪

[♪ theme

[♪ theme music]

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ Lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just
to take good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days ♪

♪ and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days ♪

♪ and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of me ♪♪

- Buddy.
Buddy, Buddy, stop!

Buddy, stop, you can't afford
to lose any more air.

Your brain's not getting enough
oxygen as it is.

- Oh, I'm not--I'm not
losing air, Charles.

I'm gaining money.

I got a job entertaining
some kids at a birthday party,

and I was practicing making
my balloon animals.

Here's one I finished, see?

- Is that the entire animal?

- Yeah, it's an amoeba.

- Charles, is Jamie home yet?

- No sir, she should
be here soon.

- Hey, Mr. Powell, look,
I made a one-celled animal.

- Lembeck, you are
a one-celled animal.

I wish you'd get back
in your cell.

- Hi.
- [all] Hi, hi dear.

- Guess what, Grampa?
Sherry invited

Melissa and me up to her folks'
summer cottage for the week.

Sherry's mom will be there,
and I really want to go.

- Oh, uh...
- Oh, you know,
Jamie sweetheart,

um, your granddad got a letter
from your Aunt Elaine
and your Uncle Steve.

- Yeah, they invited you
to Albuquerque
on your week off.

Now, we don't want
to disappoint them.
Besides,

you love your cousin Amanda.

- I've never even met
my cousin Amanda.

Besides, you know,
I'd be miserable
in Albuquerque, Grampa.

Please, don't make me go.

Charles, talk to him.

- [clears throat]

Sir, I don't mean
to butt in, but, uh...

You know, Jamie's really been
looking forward
to her week off, and...

Maybe Sarah would like
to go to Albuquerque.

- Sarah, oh no, I doubt it.
She hates traveling.

But someone should go.

Well, if you want to ask her,
I'll send Sarah in.

- Hi.
- [Buddy] Hi, Adam,
look what I made.

Do you know what it is?

- Uh, yeah, I recognize it
from biology class.

- Right!
- It's called an intestine.

- Charles, I know you're
trying to save Jamie

from going to Albuquerque,
but listen.

You be gentle with Sarah,
you know she's very sensitive
to pressure.

- Don't worry, Mom,
I know exactly how
to handle her.

- Okay.

[sighs]

- Charles, you wanted
to see me?

- Sarah, sit down.
Listen.

How would you,
a budding young writer,

like an educational,

all-expense-paid trip

to beautiful, historic

old New Mexico?

- No thanks.

- Well, actually, your granddad
wants you to go visit
your cousin Amanda.

- Oh, okay, I'll go.

- Mom!

Oh...

Hey Melanie,
is Mom home?

- No, but Amanda is.

She's on the phone.

- Nice attitude.

Amanda!
Amanda?

Oh...

Amanda!
- What?

Michael, where is cousin Jamie?

- How should I know?

I waited at the train station
for an hour.

She didn't show up.

- At the train station?

Michael, Jamie is flying in
from New Jersey.

- Oh...

I thought Mom said
the train station.

She must've said
the "plane" station.

Oh...

- Oh, Melanie,
what are you doing here?

I thought you were going
to Tina's house
after school today.

- I'm never going
to Tina's house again.

- Don't push me!
- Shut up, Michael.

- [groans]
Come on, Michael, you got
to go to the airport.

You know, if I'm willing
to share my room with Jamie,

the least you could do
is go pick her up.

- Wait a minute.
Share your room?

Thought Mom made you do it.

- Oh yeah?
Well, let's just see
how anxious you are

to share your room when
the foreign exchange student
gets here.

- What foreign exchange student?

- The one Mom invited
to live with us.

- She didn't tell me!

Oh...

Is this, like, another one
of her charities?

- No, it's the A.F.S. program.

It's the American Field Service.

American kids go to school
in foreign countries,

and foreign kids
come over here.

Yeah, we're getting
a student from Romania

named Nikki.

- Does this mean I have to go
to school in Romania?

- No!
It means you have
to go pick up

our cousin Jamie
at the airport.

- [grunts]

Okay, I'm going!

Oh...
But first,

I got to get some food.
I haven't eaten since 3:00.

- It's been two hours
since your last feeding?

No wonder your head
doesn't work.

- Right.
Thanks for understanding.

- Michael!
[door bell]

- Hi!

Jamie?

- Amanda.

- You look
just like Jamie.

- Do you mean
my cousin Jamie?
Do you know her?

- She's my sister.
I'm your cousin, Sarah.

Jamie couldn't come,
so they sent me.

- Oh, well it's so nice
to meet you.

Come on in.
See, my mom isn't home yet,

but you can just have a seat,
and I'll go get
my sister, Melanie.

- Exactly...

- Don't tell me.

You're Nikki.

- Sarah.
- Sarah?

That must be
Romanian for "Hello."

I... Am... Michael.

You... Share... Bedroom...
With... Me.

- No... I... Don't.

- Cool, you speak English!

- I know.
I'm your cousin.

- Uh-oh...

- Melanie, this is
our cousin Sarah.

- Oh, hi!
- Hi!

- Ow.
- Ow!

- Ow, ow!
- Ow, ow!

- Stop it!
Michael!

Jamie couldn't make it,
so Sarah had to come
in her place.

- Oh great,
everybody's home.

Nikki, I want you
to meet my family.

These are my children.

Amanda, Melanie,

Michael, and...

And the other one.

- Oh Mom, this is
Sarah Powell.

- Oh, good.

I was pretty sure
I only had two daughters.

Hi, Sarah, I'm so glad
you could come.

Kids, I want you
to say hello

to our foreign exchange student,

Nikki Kovacs from Romania.

- [all] Hi, hello!

- "Sarah!"

That's Romanian
for "Hello."

- Morning, Nikki.

What are you doing?

- I am ready
for breakfast.

- Good morning.

- Mom, Nikki's
expecting breakfast.

- Breakfast?
- Yeah.

Um, Nikki...

See, we don't usually have
a formal breakfast,

you know, we all kind of just
grab something from the kitchen.

- Oh no.

I have embarrassed you
and humiliated myself
beyond belief.

- No, no, no, no,
not at all!

Uh, you sit right there,

and I'll make you my specialty.

Poulet de Mer.

- Oh, Poulet de Mer?

Sounds delicious!
But it's too much work for you--

- Oh no, not really.

See, it's frozen fish sticks.

Cooking is not
Mom's strong point.

- Good morning.

Let's see, you're sitting
at the dining room table.

Honey, would you tie
Daddy's tie?
- Oh, sure.

- We are waiting
for breakfast.

- Mrs. Colfax is making
Poulet de Mer.

- Fish sticks?

That could be your first
mistake in America, pal.

Look, I've got to go, honey.

If anybody needs me,
I'll be at the office.

- But Dad, this is Saturday.
- I know.

Somebody's got to work overtime
to keep you in shopping money.

- That's right,
what are you waiting for?
Get going.

- Bye sweetie.
Have a good day, Nikki.

- Goodbye, Daddy!

- Mom says we have
to have breakfast.

What's the deal?

- Oh, I've caused you all
incredible discomfort.

I go back to Romania!

- No, no Nikki,
it's okay, really!

- What are you guys doing
at the dining room table?

- Well, Mom would
like us to eat

sitting down today, yeah.

She's making her specialty,
Poulet de Mer.

- Fish sticks?

For breakfast?
Eww!

- Here you go, g*ng.

Listen, I got to run.
I got to get to work.

- You won't be joining us?

- For fish sticks?
You got to be kidding.
Goodbye, guys

- It's very interesting
how you talk with your parents.

So open.

As if they were
your friends.

- Well, Nikki, aren't you
friends with your parents?

- No, in my country,

parents are parents.
Friends are friends.

It's two different things.

- In my country,

friends are all dirtbags.

Especially Tina.

- Now, I thought Tina was
your best friend.
What happened?

She was my best friend,

but now she's got
a new best friend.

- I wish you could talk
to Charles.

He's the college student
I was telling you about.

He gives us really good advice.

- Yeah?

Michael, why don't you
ever give me good advice?

- Ow--ow!

- Hey, I've got my own problems!

I can't continue going to school

unless I get a pair
of Apollo Pump-Ups!

- What is "Apollo Pump-Ups?"

- Oh, high tops.

Oh, you know,
like basketball shoes.

See, they're very "in,"
but they cost

about 150 dollars a pair.

- That's my problem.

- Ah...
Melanie has problem.

Eh, you have problem.

And I have solution.

Tonight, when everybody gathers
around the dinner table,

you all state your problems,

and your parents
will solve them.

- Well, you see,

our family doesn't gather
around the dinner table.

Everybody's too busy.

- Yeah.
I have a big date tonight.

- So do I.
- O-o-oh?

Who with?
Danny Martinez?

- No!
Why would you say that?

- Hey, everybody sees you
talking to him all the time!

- So, I happen to like
Danny Martinez.

But you know
I can't date him,
even if I wanted to.

- And you do!

- Why can't you date him?

- Well, see, Danny's
from a different background.

- Oh no.

You mean he is Croatian?

- "Croatian?"

No.

Danny's family
is from Mexico.

- Oh, Mexico!
Beautiful.

Well, now, everybody
has problems

to discuss with parents
at dinner table tonight.

- Nikki, my parents couldn't
help me with my problem.

Besides, I mean, I told you.
We're all too busy tonight.

- Mm.
It's too bad.

In Europe,
we have great respect

for older people.

We learn from
their wisdom.

Of course, if you are
too busy for wisdom,

maybe you can get along
without it.

- Oh, well...

Yeah, I guess it would be
kind of nice

to talk to Mom and Dad
for a change.

Hey Michael!

We are having dinner
with the family tonight,

so break your date.

And that is an order.

- Oh, wow!

Does this mean Mom's
going to cook?

- No no no no no!

I cook authentic
Romanian food.

- Well, I'll help you.
- Perfect!

- Michael, what's
a "Croatian?"

- A "Croatian?"
It's, uh...

You know, like,
a lobster or a crab.

- Oh.

But I thought those
were called "crustaceans."

- See, that's why
I'm in high school,

And you're not.

Melanie, does this
smell kind of funny?

- Michael, you fever blister!

- Oh...

Nikki and Sarah said
that dinner's almost ready.

- Oh, good timing.
Mom just pulled up,

and Dad should be here
any minute now.

This is so exciting.

- Hi kids.
[groans]

Listen, I'm in kind
of a rush right now,

I really don't have time
to chat with you--

- Oh, that's okay, Mom,
because we can chat
at dinner tonight.

Nikki made Romanian food,
and the whole family

is going to sit around the table
and, you know, eat and talk.

- Oh, well,
that sounds great, sweetheart.

But your father and I have to go
to this World Fund
charity thing tonight.

I'm sorry,
maybe some other time, huh?

- Whoa!

I am like totally bummed,
you know?

I broke a big date for nothing.

You got any more
good ideas, Amanda?

- It's not my fault.

This is all Nikki's fault.

[sighs]
I don't know why
I listened to him.

You know, he doesn't
understand our family at all.

He should just
go back to Romania.

- [Sarah]
Charles, we really need
your advice.

Well, I'm having fun,
but no one else is.

- Oh, well...
That's nice.

Call me anytime.
Goodbye.

- Wait, it's not nice.
Aunt Elaine and Uncle Steve

can't come to dinner.

Michael and Amanda blame Nikki
and he doesn't know
what to say.

- To Aunt Elaine?

Oh...

Um, have him tell her
the truth.

- Good idea!
Charles, you're a genius.

- Thank you.

Who is this?

- Oh, Charles, quit kidding.

- Okay...
Goodbye.
- Okay, bye.

Charles says you should
talk to Aunt Elaine

and tell her the truth.

- Oh, hi kids.
I thought I heard
Steve come in.

- Talk to her, Nikki.
Excuse me!

- Uh, Nikki, if you want
to talk to me about something,

I suggest you hurry,
I'm running a little late.

- Hurry?
Okay, eh...

[very fast]
We want you and Mr. Colfax
to join us for Romanian food!

- Well--well, we'd love to,
but my husband and I

have to attend
a charity dinner tonight.

It's for a very worthy cause.

- Mrs. Colfax, forgive me
for slowing down,

but I think maybe you have

three worthy causes
right here in this house.

Amanda, Michael, and Melanie.

They planned
family dinner because

they need charity
from their parents.

They have problems,
Mrs. Colfax.

- Don't say it!
I know, I have ten minutes
to get dressed.

- Steve, wait!

Charity begins at home.

- How much do the kids
need this time?

- They don't need money.
They need us.

We are having dinner
with our children tonight.

Sarah, Nikki?

The food was absolutely
delicious, thank you!
- Mm-hmm.

- You're welcome.

- And now that we've had
a wonderful dinner,

uh, you kids have anything

special you want to tell us?

You know, any, uh...

Uh...
[stammers]

Problems?

- I do.

Tina was my best friend.

Now she hangs out
with Julie all the time.

My problem is,

how can I k*ll Julie,
and not get arrested?

- I thought you liked Julie.

- I do,

but I don't like her
being Tina's friend.

- Well...

You could always put
Tina in a cage
and keep her in your room.

Oh, but then you'd have
to feed her,

and we all remember
what happened
to the pet turtle.

[laughter]

- Dad, this is serious.

- I know, I know.

I suggest

you invite Tina and Julie
over to the house

for a little party.

Who knows?
By the end of the party,

you might find
you have two best friends.

- Well...

Okay.

But if this
backfires on me,

I'm holding you
personally responsible.

- Okay.

- Thanks.

I'm going to go call Tina.

- Michael, do you
have a problem?

- Me?

Oh, uh...

Yeah!

You see...

I really need
a new pair of high-tops,

so I want to get
some Apollo Pump-Ups.

- Oh, Apollo Pump-Ups!
I know these shoes.

Eh, in Romania,
department stores charge


This is why I love America.

Over here, they cost--
pfft!


of high-tops?

- No, Dad!
Only 150 dollars!

Besides, you see,

they're not just
a pair of high-tops.

They're my passport
to success.

- [a la Michael]
Oh... I didn't know that!

- Yeah!

- I'll tell you what, Michael.

You come work in my office

every Saturday afternoon
for a month,

and you'll earn
your Apollo Pump-Ups.

- Work?

Whoa, radical concept, Dad!

Can I get back
to you on that?

- [a la Michael]
Like, okay.

- How about you, Amanda,
any problems?

- Yeah, one big one.

See, there's this boy named

Danny Martinez in my class.

And I'd really like
to date him, but...

Um...

Danny comes from Mexico.

- I understand this problem.

- Eh, I once wanted to date
a Croatian girl,

but my parents
would not allow it.

They threatened
to disown me.

- I don't understand.

What's wrong with dating
a Croatian girl?

- I don't know.

But what is wrong
with dating Danny Martinez?

- Amanda, is this
your real problem?

Are you worried
your parents will disown you?

- No, I--

I guess my problem is I just
don't know what they'd do.

- Sweetheart...

You know...

This might be
the first mature decision
you've ever had to make.

But it should be
your decision.

Not your mother's,
and not mine.

If you start
dating this boy,

it might be wonderful.

But you might have
to pay some heavy dues.

You and Danny might both
lose some friends.

But you're not going
to lose us.

- Ever.
And that's not a threat,
it's a promise.

- You know, this family dinner
was a great idea.

We should all do it
again sometime.

- Yeah, why don't we
get together once a year
for a reunion?

- We'll call you, Michael.
- Excellent!

- And, I'd really
like to thank Nikki

for bringing us
together like this.

- Mm-hmm!
- Oh, please.

Please, I propose a toast.

I wish to thank this family,

eh, for teaching me
that no matter where
people come from,

we are all basically
the same.

I drink to sameness!

- Hear, hear.

[glass shatters]

- Cool!
- Michael!

- Left, right!
Left, right!
Left, right... [etc.]

- Mr. Powell,
what are you doing?

I am trying to get
Lembeck in shape.

Move it, Lembeck.
Left, right, left right,
left right...

- Look who I found
in the airport!

- Sarah!
- Hey, how you doing?

- Oh, fine!
- Oh, it's good to have
you back, Sarah, get in there!

- Welcome home, Sarah.
- Oh, thanks.

- How was Albuquerque?

- Oh, great!
I'll tell you all about it

tonight at the dinner table.
- Okay.

- Right now, I want
to go tell Mom and Jamie
about Cousin Amanda.

- Oh, they're up in your room
waiting for you,

I'll take your bag.
- I'll help you, Walter.

You know, Charles,
I think I'll visit
my cousin Amanda next week.

- You have a cousin Amanda?

- Yeah, he's a terrific guy.

Strange wardrobe,
but his heart's
in the right place.

- Move it, Lembeck!
Left, right, left, right,
left, right...

[♪ theme music]

♪ Charles in charge
of our days ♪

♪ and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights ♪

♪ And I see,
I want ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of me ♪

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪