04x19 - Walter's w*r

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives down stairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ he's there
just to take good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights
and I see ♪

♪ I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs
and our rights and I see ♪

♪ I want, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪♪

Yeah, this is great, Buddy!
No classes, no baby sitting,

no responsibilities
of any kind!

I love having a day off!

Gentlemen, an amazing thing
happened to me today!

What happened was,
I met a woman.

You know,

I haven't felt this way
about a woman, since, well,

since I lost my dear wife.
I think I'm in love.

Oh, that's great, Mr. Powell.
Where'd you meet her?

At the bank.
I went in to cash a check,

and there she was,
carrying a copy

of "The Great Battles
of World w*r II."

Well, we got to talking and,
uh, her name is Julia,

and she's coming over here
tonight!

- Well, congratulations!
- Way to go, Mr. Powell!

Thank you, thank you.
Now, Charles,

those World w*r II souvenirs
I told you about,

you know, the ones I told you
to get rid of, where are they?

I got rid of them.

Why would you do that!

Because you told me to,
Mr. Powell.

You said that you were tired
of living in the past.

I am, I am,
but Julia' a World w*r II buff,

and when I mentioned
my w*r souvenirs,

she got very excited.
Heh-heh-heh-heh.

I mean, these are priceless
collector's items.

I told her
I have the scarf

that Jimmy Doolittle wore
on the bombing raid over Tokyo.

And, an undetonated b*mb
from the attack

on Pearl Harbor,
and a Japanese flag
from the battle of Okinawa.

Now, if I don't show her
these things,
she's gonna think I'm a liar.

Maybe, there's some stuff
I overlooked.

- I'll go check out back.
- Oh, it's no use.

Julia's coming over here
to see priceless trophies,

and Charles threw them away!

Aye, chill out, big guy.

You know what I would do
if I were in your position?

No, tell me Lembeck, so I can
avoid it like the plague.

Well,
if I wanted to impress a woman,

and somebody had thrown away
my old souvenirs,

I would buy
some new old souvenirs.

Lembeck,
what you're suggesting

is dishonest, immoral,
and unethical!

I know, sir.
And it's never failed me yet.

I'm not trying to con Julia.
I mean, she's more than a date.

She touched my heart,
made me feel young again.

I want her to respect me.

Oh, in that case, you're gonna
have to flat out lie to her.

Lembeck...

Wait, I-I was right,
I didn't throw everything away!

- I found stuff in the garage.
- Oh, good man, good man!

Let's see what we have...

Cartridge shells,
my old canteen, and my hat.

Charles, this is junk.

You kept the junk, and you
threw the good stuff away!

Well, uh...

Wait a minute, wait,
what about your friends

down at the
John Paul Jones Society?

Some of those guys
were Navy men, weren't they?

You could borrow
some of their souvenirs!

Charles,
you're as bad as Lembeck.

I'm not trying to deceive
Julia.

No, no, you wouldn't be.
You would just be showing her

souvenirs that symbolize
souvenirs that you really had.

That's right!

Now, that's not deception
it's uh, uh, uh...

[ both ]
Improvisation!

- There you go.
- I'll do it!

Charles, Charles, I-I still
think I have that sword that I,

that belonged
to Admiral Yamamoto.

Yeah, see if you can find it
up in the attic, will you?

- Yes, sir.
- Oh, and Charles, Charles,

I want this place
straightened up from stem

to stern, get the kids to help
you, and get rid of that junk.

But, Mr. Powell,
it's Charles' day off.

Good, then he'll have plenty
of time to clean the house.

Oh, Charles, I'm gonna bop over

to Kevin Holloway's house
for a while, okay?

Okay, first, bop upstairs
into the attic and see

if you can find
your grandfather's
Japanese sword, okay?

What's in it for me
if I do it?

The chance to avoid the horror
that awaits you if don't.

Listen, Jamie,
I need some help today.

Jamie!

Oh, no!

No!
No, no way!

Jamie, your grandfather
has a date tonight

and he told me
to keep the house spotless!

You just added a spot.

Go get a damp cloth, hold it!
What is this stuff?

It's cranberry juice.

Charles, cranberry juice

isn't gonna come out
with just water.

You're gonna have to send it
out to be cleaned.

Oh, no,
Grampa is gonna k*ll me.

Charles, you can't tell him!

What, Jamie, come on,
he'll see it!

No, no, wait a minute,
I've got it,

why don't you just turn
the cushion over?

We can't.

I spilled Grape juice
on the other side.

Well, that ought to ruin
Mr. Powell's date.

Oh, you're right, Buddy.

And, this date means a lot
to Mr. Powell.

All right, look,
call the cleaners.

Have them send somebody
over here, right away!

Okay, thanks, Charles.

Hello?

Hi, sweetheart.

Bye!

Uh, Adam's upstairs looking
for your sword, Mr. Powell.

Good, I called some friends
at the John Paul Jones Society.

One of them's got
the old flyer's scarf,

and the other's got the b*mb.
Now, all I need
is the Japanese flag.

Julia's gonna be thrilled!

Charles, Charles, I told you
to get rid of that junk!

Oh, uh, yes, sir.
Buddy!

Charles,

I appreciate your help,
keep up the good work!

Heh-heh-heh-heh.
Keep up the good work!

Julia will be here at six!

Well, I think I'll go call
the cleaners from the kitchen,

in case Grampa comes back.

Hey Charles, I found Grampa's
old Japanese sword!

Banzai!

Oh no!

Grampa's going to k*ll me!

Yeah, well,
not with this sword he isn't.

Adam, your grandfather needed
that sword to impress a woman!

That's
Admiral Yamamoto's sword!

Tell him
Admiral Yamamoto broke it.

What?
I'm not going to lie to him!

Charles, great news!

The cleaners said
that they can remove

my cranberry juice stain
from the couch.

They're sending a man over
to do it.

Cranberry juice stains?

Does Grampa know about this?

No, you little goober,
and he's not going to!

Charles is going to get this
cleaned before Grampa sees it!

That's not fair, Charles.

Hey, I want the same break
you're giving
the cranberry juice princess!

No deal, Adam!

No, wait a minute, Charles,

I-I've got this new stuff
called Goofy Glue.

I can fix this sword
so it'll look as though

nobody had ever broken it
at all.

No, no, no, no way, Buddy!
I'm not going to get involved
in a cover up, okay.

All right, I guess Mr. Powell
will never get the chance

to impress the woman he loves.

All right, Adam,
Buddy will fix the sword.

But, I'm only doing this
for your grandfather!

- Thanks, Charles!
- All right.

I just have on question.
What?

The cleaners said they were
gonna charge $37.95

to remove that spot.
Well, I have the 95 cents.

Does anybody have
thirty-seven dollars?

Well, I guess I could ask my
mother to loan me the money.

First,
I gotta throw this stuff away.

Oh no, Charles,
you can't do that!

The last time you threw out
Mr. Powell's souvenirs,

you got in trouble!

You're right, Buddy,
I can't throw it away.

No, Charles,
you have enough on your mind.

Let me not throw it away.
It's the least I can do.

Yes, it is.

I'm helping.

Well, if you see him,
please tell him to come home
right away!

Charles, where have you been?

There's an emergency
in the living room!

Oh, what is it?

Oh, Jamie, Jamie, what's wrong?

Sarah, does, uh,

does the emergency
have anything to do

with the furniture?

Yeah, pretty much.

Ah, good, okay,
all right, good.

Now, what, what was it,
was it a burglar?

No, Charles, it was two men
from the cleaners.

They said the spot was bigger
than they thought.

They said they had to take
the couch back to the plant
to get the stain out.

Well, where's the chair?

They said
they would have to clean
the chair to match the couch.

Jamie was upstairs,
so I said okay

because I thought Grampa
had sent for them.

No, your grandfather doesn't
know anything about it, Sarah!

He's got a date tonight, and
he's bringing her over here!

I know, Jamie told me just
before she went into shock.

The good news is, the cleaners

said they'd have our furniture
back before five o'clock.

Then, why is she catatonic?

They said, it's gonna cost one
hundred and forty-nine dollars.

What?
A hun...

Is that the receipt?
Gimme this!

$149?!
You know what that is?

That's the old
bait and switch trick, Sarah!

Well, it's not gonna work!
Know why?

Because, they don't know
who they're dealing with.
Hold that!

Hi, how you doin'?
Listen, I'm calling

from the Powell residence.
You have our furniture.

Yeah, listen, you quoted us
a price of thirty-seven dollars

and ninety-five cents,
and that's all I'm paying!

That's right.

That's right,
you got it.

You got a deal, goodbye.

You were great, Charles!

You mean, they're only
going to charge us 37.95?

No, it's a hundred
and forty-nine dollars,

or we'll never see
our furniture alive again.

Sweetheart,

I already loaned you fifty
dollars no questions asked.

Now you need a hundred more?

You're not gambling, are you?

No, no, of course not, Mom.
The money's not for me.

It's for Mr. Powell.
He met a woman.

And she costs
a hundred and fifty dollars?

No, no, the money isn't for
the woman, it's for the couch.

Wouldn't it be cheaper
to buy a sleeping bag?

No, the money isn't for the
couch, it's for the cleaners.

I see.
Walter met a woman

and she's taking him
to the cleaners.

No, no, no, Ma, see...

Jamie had a glass
of cranberry juice...

Stop!

You win.

I will give you
a hundred dollars

not to tell me why
you need a hundred dollars.

Thanks, Mom.
And you're not giving it to me,

you're loaning it to me.
I'll pay you back, I swear.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Oh, hello, Lillian.

Charles, I called home
to see how you were doing,

and Jamie said,
you were down at the diner.

Did you clean the living room?

- Uh, are you going home
right from here?
- No.

Then, the living room
is spotless.

Oh, Charles,
you better get back
to the house.

They're delivering the b*mb
as we speak.

Did Adam find the sword?

Uh, yes, sir.
As I recall, he did.

Wonderful, now all we need
is the Japanese flag.

Situation is very good,
Charles.

Tonight, is going to be
memorable!

Goodbye, Lillian.

A b*mb, a sword,
a Japanese flag...

Now I know what the money's for.

You should have told me
Walter needs psychiatric help.

No, Mom, he needs those things
for this woman.

Well, let's hope her name isn't
Pearl Harbor.

I'll explain later, Mom.
I gotta go.

Charles.

Buddy, you glued the sword
back together.

That's the good news.

What's the bad news?

Well, you know, that Goofy Glue
really sticks like iron.

I got just a little bit of it
on my hand, and uh...

No, No, You glued the sword
to your hand!

Well, Sort of.
[ fake laugh ]

Charles, the Goofy Glue label

says that it can only be
removed surgically, and I was,

I was hoping that you would
take me to the hospital.

I tried to drive myself,

but every time I made left hand
turn signals I heard screams.

No, no, I can't take you
anywhere, Buddy.

I gotta get home!

Charles, you got to go home
right away!

I know that.
I have to go pay the cleaners!

Why aren't you waiting
for them!

Well, a man brought an
undetonated b*mb to our house.

Oh, good, he was supposed to.
It's your grandfather's friend.

We know,
but, when he was taking

the b*mb out of the crate,

I accidentally bumped
in to him.

The b*mb fell through the
coffee table.

It's stuck there,
and it's all my fault.

There's a b*mb
in the coffee table?

Hmm.

The um,

the-the woman
that your grandfather loves

is coming over
the house tonight,

and there's a b*mb
in the coffee table?

[ squealing ]

That...
get away from that thing!

Listen to me, all right,
your grandfather

is gonna be here any minute.
Go in the kitchen, please,

and make sure
everything is okay!

All right, Buddy, we uh,

we gotta get this thing
out of here.
Give me a hand.

Do you want the good hand,

or the the one
with the sword attached to it?

I really don't care.
[ doorbell ]

That's Mr. Powell, we're dead!

No.

No, Mr. Powell has a key.

That, that's got to be
the cleaners!

Hey, furniture!

Yea, I got a couch and a chair
here, on the front doorstep.

They're C.O.D.
There you go, where do I sign?

Right there.
So, where do you want
this stuff?

In the living room.

Hey, is that a real b*mb?

Of course it is.

You put a fake b*mb
in your coffee table,

people think you're poor.

You wanna bring the furniture
in now?

Ah, can't do it, union rules.

My partner and I
go on our break at 5:30.

It's 5:30.

- We'll be back in an hour.
- No, wait, what, no!

That's too long, an hour.
We need the furniture now!

Can't do it, union rules.

You want that furniture
in here now, you do it yourself.

I can't believe my life.

Hey, you know, he doesn't
have to take that from you!

That's right, I don't have to
take that from you!

I don't have to take that
from him, do I?

No, you know why,
cause we're gonna bring

this thing in ourselves!
Come on, Buddy!

Charles, Charles, oh no!

Okay, all right, Buddy.

All right, now pick up
the back end,

pick up your back end, Buddy,
and turn it, swing it over.

Buddy, push it, come on!
Will you push it, please!

What are you doing
in the house?

You're supposed to be outside!

Well, how can I push you
if I'm outside
and you're inside?

Charles, shouldn't the sofa
be in the house?

Yes, Jamie, it should be,
but it's stuck in the door!

We still got about
eight minutes!

No you don't, Grampa
just pulled into the garage.

What?

Oh no, all right, look, just
keep him in the kitchen, okay?

Tell him, tell him that his
date isn't here.

Talk about World w*r II things!
- Okay.

- All right, let's go.
- I don't like your attitude.

Will you please help me
with something!

All right.

Get behind me and push.

All right, push!
Oww, watch the sword!

Charles...
Charles, I've got it.

We soak the couch
in melted butter,

and then
it slides right on through!

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Julia.

Julia who?

Julia Meyers.

- I don't get it.
- Get off the couch!

Hi.
Buddy, this is Julia, uh,

Mr. Powell's date.

Would you like to come in?

Oh, okay, um...

Should I crawl across it,

or do I get extra points
for jumping over it?

Well, why don't you uh, why
don't you crawl across it,

I'll give you a hand.

Okay.

Here goes.

Oh.

- You okay there?
- Oh, thank you.

I just don't see why
you don't open this door.

Well, we don't open that door
because that door is stuck.

How are you?
I'm Charles, I-I work here.

And I'm Buddy,
I help him work here.

Well, If Walter's going to keep
a couch in the doorway,

I guess he's gonna need
all the help he can get.

Uh, that's not a couch,

It's a
Japanese Friendship Bridge.

Yes, in honor of our
peace treaty with Japan.

Yes, the one they signed
with Mr. Powell

at the end of World w*r II.

He was on
the battleship Missouri?

Why do you ask?

Oh, well,
because that's where

the surrender ceremony
took place in 1945.

Uh, right, and this
is the sword that Mr. Powell

took from Admiral Yamamoto
during that ceremony.

I believe Admiral Yamamoto
was dead in 1945.

He was, stone dead.

And that's why
he didn't put up more of a fight

when Mr. Powell took his sword
away from him.

That's very interesting.

Is that a b*mb?

Uh, yeah, that,
that's a Japanese b*mb.

Yes, and it gets much better
gas mileage

than those American bombs.

Charles,
we can't hold him much longer!

Hi.

Uh, Jamie, this is Julia.
Your grandfather's date.

Nice to meet you, Jamie.

Oh, the pleasure's all mine.

Grampa should be here
any minute now.

Charles, why don't you show
Julia this Japanese flag?

For what?

It's very large.

You and Buddy
can hold it up for her.

- In front of the couch.
- Oh, right.

Yes, thank you.
She's a bright girl.

Here ya go, come on Buddy,
give me a hand with this thing.

Excuse me, I have to,
I have to wash my hair.

Charles, Grampa's coming.

Uh, Sarah, this is Julia,
she's...

Hi, excuse me.

- Adam, say hello..
- Hello!

Oh, Julia.

Julia, they didn't tell me
you were here.

Oh, hello, Walter.

Well, these nice young men,
were just giving me

a guided tour of the
Walter Powell w*r Memorial.

Oh, good, good.
Oh, you saw my flag.

Sit down, Julia.

Uh, excuse me.

Charles, where's the couch?

You mean,
the Japanese Friendship Bridge.

I beg your pardon.

Charles, what is this?

Oh, uh,

that-that-that, sir is your uh,

that-that's your-your souvenir
b*mb in coffee table.

Uh, I was just about to tell
Julia that-that this table

was in the officer's club
when the Japanese attacked
Pearl Harbor.

See, what happened was,
the b*mb came

right through the roof
and landed right in that table,

and Mr. Powell took the whole
thing home as a souvenir.

Oh, yes, yeah, it was a
terrible experience,
you see I...

Charles, what's going on?

Oh, Buddy,
it's not going to work,
lower the flag.

Charles?

Well, sir, uh,

see, you know, you told me
that you had a date

and you wanted to keep
the house spotless,

and I discovered
that there was a spot

on the couch, and, well,
that's when the cover up began.

No, no, no, no.

No, the cover up began with me.

Julia, I'm going to be honest
with you, uh...

None of these souvenirs
are real.

No, but,
he did have some real ones.

What happened was,
I threw most of them away.

And this is all he has left.
You see, he has uh,

shells from real b*ll*ts
that he fired at the enemy,

and uh, this is the hat
that he wore in the actual w*r.

And, uh, the canteen that he
drank from during real combat,

and uh, oh,
and this case that he...

Mr. Powell,
what's in this case?

Oh, uh, never mind.

What I'm trying to say is that,

well...

even my real souvenirs weren't
necessarily authentic.

But, Mr. Powell,
this was Admiral Yamamoto's
sword wasn't it?

Well, it could've been.

I think I over emphasized
the importance of my souvenirs

because, well,

I wanted to impress you.

Walter, I was impressed
with you

before you even spoke to me.

Mr. Powell, are you saying
that this medal isn't real?

No, that's real but...

May I?

Buddy, why don't we get these
nice people something to drink?

Oh, no, I want to hang out
for a minute.

- What happened here?
- I don't know.

Come with me.

That's no big deal.
I was, I was 17 years old.

I mean, they gave me that medal
for being young and reckless.

To Seamen Walter Powell

for extraordinary bravery
in combat.

Seamen Powell,
although seriously wounded,

dove repeatedly into waters
covered with burning oil,

and saved the lives of three
of his shipmates.

Walter, you're a hero.

Oh no, no Julia.

My best friend died
in the water that night.

Believe me, he was a hero.

That's ancient history.

Julia, I want to be a man
of the 90's,

I don't want to live
in the past!

Oh, I don't blame you.
You shouldn't live in the past,

but, uh,

well, it couldn't hurt to go
back there once in a while

and visit old friends.

Well, thank you.

I like that.

You know, that-that-that
Japanese sword

could really have belonged
to Admiral Yamamoto.

Oh, well,
I think it probably did.

Uh, would you like some
cranberry juice?

Oh, no thanks.
Let's go, Julia.

Oh, but I will take that sword
back, Lembeck.

No, no!
Ahhh!

Oh, all right, all right!

If it means that much to you,
keep it, keep it!

Buddy,

we're not playing Fish,
we're playing Gin.

I know, but it was worth a try.

See you later, Charles.

Hey, where are you going?

Over to Cindy Wilson's house.

Oh, all right, have fun.

I'll try.
I went over last night and we
ended up sleeping together.

- What?
- Adam, you didn't.

Well, yeah, see we watched
The Last Emperor on television,

and it was so dull,
we fell asleep.

We slept together
for the whole movie.

Oh, well, don't ever let that
happen again.

I won't.
It was really boring.

- I'll go rent The Last Emperor.
- I'll call the girls.

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge of our days
and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights
and I see ♪

♪ I want, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪