04x18 - A Sting of Pearls

[bunniefuu]

[♪♪]

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there
just to take good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I see ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I see ♪

♪ I want, I want Charles
in charge of me ♪♪

Charles,
nobody has ever beat Eric Loomis
two games out of three before.

He's number uno.

I mean,
how can you even think
of eating?

I can't, Buddy.
I'll eat without thinking.

Hello.
[both] Hello.

How are you?
[both] Fine.

No, that's no good.
That's the first place
she'll look.

Hmm, what about here?

No, no, she'll find it
when she's cooking.

What about my room?

No, she's always in there
cleaning up.

No place is safe.

Can I help you
with something, sir?

No.
- Fair enough.

Wait!
Maybe you can help me.

I've got a problem,
and I can't solve it.

I'll have to wait, Mr. Powell.

Charles has to play ping-pong.

Ping-pong?

Not just any ping-pong game.

It was the best Two-Out-of-Three
Championship Match.

Charles in right.
He beat Eric Loomis yesterday.

And if he beats him
again today,

he'll be
the new school champion.

Oh!
Who cares?

Charles.
My son sent this pearl necklace
from Japan for Ellen's birthday.

Now,
if I hide it in the house,

she's liable to find it
before her birthday
and ruin her surprise.

Mr. Powell,
why don't you let Charles
hide the necklace in his room?

Mrs. Powell
never goes down there.

Any idiot could figure that out!

You're right, Lembeck.
An idiot just did
figure that out.

Charles, I want you
to hide this in your room.

Uh, yes, sir.
But I don't want to--
- Thank you.

And guard it
as if your life depended on it,
because it does!

Oh, Charles.
Boy, am I hungry!

Oh, here you go, Adam.

We need to fatten you up
before Christmas, anyway.

[phone rings]

I'll get it.
- I'll get it!

Hello?

Who?

Where are you?

Great!
Sure, come right over.

We'd love to see ya.
Okay, bye-bye.

Sarah, Adam, you'll never guess
who's in town?

Julie Mercer!

Julie Mercer?

The mass m*rder*r?

No, the babysitter.

Our old babysitter?

And she's on her way over.

That's wonderful!

Julie Mercer was our babysitter
four years ago,

when we lived in Florida.

She was almost as good as you,
Charles.

What do you mean, Adam?
She was as good as Charles!

Hi, everyone.

Oh, Jamie!
Guess who's coming over?

Julie Mercer, the babysitter,
not the mass m*rder*r.

Our Julie Mercer?
She's here?

Yeah,
and she's in town for a few days
and she wants to see us.

I said that Julie
was almost as good as Charles,

and Sarah said
she was as good as Charles.

So, who's right?
- You're both wrong.
She was better than Charles!

Jamie, please, please.
Don't butter me up like that,
all right?

Oh.

Gee, I'm sorry, Charles.

Okay, let me put it this way...

Well, I guess there's no other
way to put it.

She was better.

Well, thank you
for softening the blow.

Excuse me.
Come on, Buddy.
We gotta go destroy Eric Loomis.

Eric Loomis, the mass m*rder*r?

[♪♪]

Okay, relax, Charles.

Think about the game

and try not to worry
about the fact that,

Julie Mercer is after your job.

Buddy, don't be ridic--

You're taking
the hair off my arm.

Will you knock it off?

Now, look,
Julie Mercer told Mr. Powell,

she's only gonna be in town
for a couple of days, all right?

I am not worried
about losing my job.

Of course you're not,
sweetheart.

You're just tense
about the game.

Mom, I-I just need to be alone
for a few minutes.

That's not a good sign.

No, he seems
to be falling apart.

Now, sweetheart.
- Yes?

Relax.
- Okay.

Remember, it isn't whether
you win or lose that counts.

It's how well
you treat your mother.

Oh, Charles, almost forgot.

Eric Loomis wants to make
a side bet.

If you win the tournament,

he'll type all
of your school reports
for the next semester.

If you lose,

you'll have to work
his part-time job this weekend.
- Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine.

But, whatever you say, okay.
I have a lot on my mind.

Charles, Buddy,
this is Julie Mercer.

Oh, my God!

Well, hello!

You are the best babysitter
I've ever seen.

And I've seen plenty.

I used to be a baby, you know.

Thank you.

Hi, I'm Charles.

Charles.

Well, the kids have been
telling me a lot about you.

Well, they certainly haven't
told me enough about you.

Oh, thank you.
I think.

You know, I...
Julie, it's a shame

that you can only stay in town
for a couple of days.

Well, actually,
I don't have to go back.

I've been thinking about
changing schools anyway,
and it kinda hit me.

Why don't I just move here
and go to Copeland College?

The funniest thing,
you know, Buddy,

I was just gonna suggest that!

Of course, before I enroll,
I'm gonna have to find
a good job.

[Buddy hums "Jaws" theme song]

[whistle blows]

Attention, ladies and gentlemen.
Attention.

We now present Game Two
of the Ping Pong Tournament.

Eric, the reigning champion.

Who lost Game One yesterday,

must once again face
the brash, young challenger
from Pennsylvania,

the Scranton Smasher,

the next President
of the United States,
my son, Charles.

Gentlemen.

Start your paddles!

[♪♪]

Hey!
Hi, Mr. Powell.
Hi, Adam.

I lost it, but I'm not worried.
There's always tomorrow.

You lost it?
You lost my necklace?

I lost the ping-pong game.

Don't change the subject.

Charles,
I'm sorry about your loss.

His loss?
What about my--

Charles,
if you've lost that necklace,
you're fired!

Sir, I didn't lose the necklace.
I lost the ping-pong game.

What necklace?
- Necklace?
Yeah, what necklace?

The one you're gonna
fire Charles for, if he lost it!

You weren't supposed
to tell them about the necklace!
- I didn't.

Yeah, well, it's too late now.

Kids, your dad sent your mother
a pearl necklace from Japan.

And, uh, Charles
was supposed to hide it
until her birthday!

I did, sir, it's inside
my 1975 Spelling Bee Trophy.
- Shhh!

Don't tell them
where you hid it!
It's a secret!

Want to know
what the winning word was?

Quixotic.

Q-U-I-X-O-T-I-C.

Quixotic.

That's very nice.

Would you like to know
what the new word is?

Mum!

Mum's the word.
About this whole thing, okay?

Now, let's get ready for dinner.

Uh, Mr. Powell,
why don't you relax, okay?
I can fix dinner.

Oh, that's very nice of you,
Charles but...

I've already done it.

Oh!
You cook, too, huh?

She certainly does.
And let me tell you,
she is the best!

So I've heard.
Constantly.

Julie's the best at everything.

Oh, I give up!

What's a half a dozen,
times half a ton,
plus half a gross?

Well, let's see, Adam.
That's, uh...


Yeah, that's what I got.

Thanks, Charles!

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, why can't
I keep my big mouth shut?

I don't know.

I'm joking.

Now, Charles, don't forget.

I'm cheerleading
at the Homecoming Game tonight,
and I expect you to be there.

Oh, I forgot, Jamie.

Charles, I was counting on you.

Yeah, I know, but I'm having
a post-ping-pong party
in the pacement.

Uh, the basement!

Would you like to come?

Oh, I'd love to...

... but I promised Jamie
that I would go to the game.

Oh, of course you did.

And after the game,
there's gonna be a big dance.

Well, why don't we all go?
You?

Uh, I'm not really into dancing.
- Yeah, that's true.

I've tried
to teach her many times,
and it hasn't worked out well.

Ah!
No problem.

I'll show you a few easy steps.

Oh, Charles?
May we use your room?

Hey, sure!

Mi casa es your casa.

My room is your room.

My job is... my job.

Hi, Anthony and I
brought some food over
from the diner.

You'll need it
for your party tonight.

It's out in the car.
- Oh, thank you!

Charles,
I'd be happy to unload
the food for you.

Thanks, Anthony.
- Don't thank me.

Pay me.

The law says
I get the minimum wage.

If the law knew what I knew,
You'd be doing minimum time
in maximum security.

Anthony, you unload the food.

Sure, Auntie Lillian.

[mocking Anthony]
Sure, Auntie Lillian.

Charles, be patient.

Anthony
is your late Aunt Rosemary's
only child.

Oh, oh.
That explains it, Mom.

He's Rosemary's baby.

Charles, come see
the neat dance step
Julie's teaching me.

Oh, oh,
I can't right now, Sarah.
I have to help Jamie here.

Oh, go ahead, Charles.
You'll just be in my way.

If there's one thing I can do,
it's serve food.

I also do expert mopping.

[♪♪]

[music stops abruptly]

Buddy.

Buddy!

The music stopped.

I know that.

I'm just straightening
my underwear.

It won't help.
It's your mind that's twisted.

You know, Charles,
I think it's pretty neat
that you can party like this,

even though Julie Mercer's
trying to steal your job.

Buddy, she's not trying
to steal my job, okay?

She just happens
to be very efficient.

And-and nice.

And smart.
And beautiful!

Egad!
She's even got you foolded!

You've got to beat her
at her own game.

What game?

It's the oldest trick
in the book.

She's using her excellence
to expose your mediocrity.

You can't afford any mistakes.

Charles, Charles.

You're taking a big chance,
having a party in the same room
with valuable jewels.

Don't worry, sir.
The necklace is safely hidden
away right here.

Good!
Just make sure
it stays that way.

You know, I think Mr. Powell
worries too much.

I don't know why people worry.

I never worry.
You know why?

Because I never let
anything throw me.

The necklace is gone.

Ah!

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

Okay.

We know the necklace
was inside the house
when it was stolen.

Which makes it
an inside job.

Wouldn't you agree, Suspect?

Okay.
I confess.

I stole the necklace.

Lady Bentley saw me take it,
so I had to k*ll her.

Then, when Higgins got wise,

I k*lled him, too.

So, sue me!

[Charles]
Hey.

Kids, uh, did you guys have fun
at the game last night?

Yeah, Julie's really fun.

A lot more fun
than Inspector Lembeck.

He's been interrogating us
about this big, jewelry heist.

Had to tell them
about the necklace,
didn't you?

Well, Charles,
why don't you just question

the people who were
at your party last night?

I'm going to, Jamie.
I'm doing everything
I can think of.

I just searched my room
for three hours and now,

I'm gonna search
the rest of the house.

No, Charles, not now.

You have to play ping-pong
in one hour.

I'll tell you what.
I'll talk to the people
who were at the party

while the kids search
the rest of the house.
What do you say?

Fine, fine.
Thank you, Buddy.

Kids, do me a favor.
Please don't tell anybody,
all right?

I just need
a little bit of time.

Buddy.

Don't accuse our friends.

Just ask them if they saw
a little, black, jewelry box.

Charles,
we can't afford to p*ssy-foot.

If Mr. Powell finds out
that you lost the necklace,

then he'll fire you...
- Yeah.
- ... and hire Julie Mercer.

All right.

All you have to do
is beat Eric Loomis
at ping-pong.

If you don't,
you're gonna have to work
his job at the hot dog joint.

Don't worry about the necklace.

I'm on the case.

Be there!

Aha!

Charles,
don't ever do that to me, again.

Did you win the game?

No, I didn't win the game,
Buddy.

How could I?

I was too worried
about the necklace

to think about
the stupid ping-pong game.

Oh, no.
That means
you're gonna have to work

Eric Loomis' job
at the hot dog joint.

I don't care
about that right now, Buddy.

Did you ask the people
that were at the party?

Yeah,
I asked everyone
that was at the party,

but they wouldn't confess.

I even tried to
strip search Mary Lou Wagner.

First, she hit me with her
constitutional rights,

and then she hit me
with her '86 Camaro.

It serves you right.

What were you doing in my bed?

Oh, I was setting a trap.

The criminal always returns
to the scene of the crime.

For what?
To sign autographs?

That's the dumbest thing
you've ever said, Buddy.

The criminal is returning
to the scene of the crime!

[Charles and Buddy]
Aha!

Aha, what?

Anthony.
What are you doing here?

I came over to pick up
the dishes from your party.

That's right.
That's right.

You were the one
who served the food last night.

You were down in the basement,
alone.

And now,
Mrs. Powell's necklace is gone.

Aha!

Hey, I was here last night,
but I wasn't alone.

Julie was here.
- Aha!

No, no, no, Buddy.
Sarah was with Julie.

Julie was teaching her
how to dance.

When I walked in, she was alone.
Sarah came down later.

Aha!

Julie is not the type of person
who would steal.

But I know who is.

Hey, Charles.

I might rip you off,

and you know
I'd rip Buddy off but,

I wouldn't steal
from the Powells.

Honest.

All right.
All right.
Go on, beat it.

I'll take the dishes
back myself.
- Thanks!

Oh, and, uh, Charles.
- Yeah?

I'm really sorry
about your loss today...
- All right.

... at the ping-pong tournament.

It was heartbreaking.

I wanted to die.

You bet on Eric Loomis,
didn't you?

That's beside the point.
- Oh, come on!

Goodbye, Anthony.
Get out of here.

You'll be asking me for money
before this is over.
- Right, okay, fine.

Charles.

I'm gonna tail Anthony.
- Hmm-mmm.

Remember the criminal always
makes one fatal mistake.

And mistakes are my specialty.

[screams in pain]

[knocking]

Come in.

Charles,
I've been helping the kids
look for the necklace,

but we can't find it anywhere.

Oh, the kids told ya, huh?

Did you tell Mr. Powell?

Of course not!

I guess the good thing is
if he does fire me,

at least he has somebody
to take my place.

Me?

Oh, Charles.
I could never take your place.

Kids are crazy about you.

Crazier about you,
and uh...

I can't say that I blame 'em.

Charles, you just don't realize
how valuable you are.

Well, I don't like to brag.

I'll bet you, you're good
at everything you do.

Uh, when I was 11,
I won a spelling bee.

Want to know
what the winning word was?

It was--
- Shhh.

Quix, quixotic.

[♪♪]

[♪♪]

Charles, front and center!
[Charles] Coming up, sir.

Uh-uh.

Yes, sir.
- Ah.

Oh!

You know,
if you really want
to impress a date,

you should dab a little ketchup
behind your ears.

I don't have a date, sir.
I, uh...

I lost the ping-pong match
and the bet,

so I have to take over
Eric Loomis' job.

"Hi!

I'm Mr. Teeny-Weenie.

Care for a teeny weenie?"

No, thank you.

What I would really like
is a necklace.

Who wouldn't?

Hi!

Cute suit, Charles.

You're on a roll.

Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to interrupt.

Oh, that's all right, Julie.

Now's the time for the necklace.

Uh...

Well, sir,
I-I don't have it on me.

Well, then, why don't you go
downstairs and get it?

Well, it's-it's not downstairs.

Well, wherever it is,
I'd like it.

Sir, the truth of the matter is,
I-I don't have it at all.

[Mr. Powell]
What?

Charles, if you've lost
Ellen's birthday present,
you're fired!

Wait a minute.
What's this?

Nice outfit, Charles.

Did you find something
or did you lose something?

Uh, I thought I felt something.

All right, Mr. Teeny-Weenie.

You have five seconds
to put that necklace in my hand.

Um... Mr. Powell,
I-I don't have the necklace.

Five, four, three...
- Hi.
- ... two--

Nice outfit, Charles.

Here you go, Charles.
All gift-wrapped.

Gift-wrapped?

Yeah, you asked me
to have the necklace
gift-wrapped, so I did.

Oh, why didn't you say so?

Good job, Charles.
Thank you.

[Charles]
Jamie.

Jamie.
What was in that package?

The necklace.

I found it in the sofa.

Yeah, where Julie hid it.

Julie stole the necklace?

Of course not, Adam.
The reason she put it in the
sofa was because...

Well, you know,
uh...

Jamie, why did she
put it in the sofa?

She hid it in the sofa,

so she could be
the one to find it

after you supposedly lost it.

No way!
No way.

Julie, tell Jamie she's wrong.

Yeah, Julie.
Tell me.

Julie?

Oh.
Sorry, Jamie.

I-I can't believe you.
You-you wanted Mr. Powell
to fire me?

Grow up, Charles!
That's the only way
that she could get your job.

It-it isn't his job.
It's my job!

I came out here so we could be
all together again.

I-I did this
because I love you guys.

I don't get it.

This means that Buddy was right.

He's never right.

That makes me sick.

Charles,
I just wanted my job back.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

Specially after
what happened today.

What happened today?

Nothing very important.
Apparently.

Please, don't hate me.

Hey-hey!
Come on,
what do I look like, a fool?

Look.

We all get burned once in while.

It just so happened that
I'm the one who fell for it.

So, uh, can't very well
hate you, can I?

No, I don't hate you, either.

I'll just never trust you again.

None of us will.

I'm sorry.

Well, I better start packing.

I'll come back later
and say goodbye.

Kids, and I'm sorry things
turned out the way they did.

Yeah, so am I.

Well, there goes
the best babysitter we ever had.

She could've taught us a lot.

How to put on make-up.

How to sew.

How to steal jewelry.

Ah!
But,

could she teach you
how to be a weenie.

I never thought of that.

I take it back, Charles.

You're the best babysitter
we ever had.
- All right, thank you.

All right, come on.
Watch it, you're smearing
my mustard.

Yeah, go make dinner.

You're okay, Charles.

Adam.

Come on, this is not funny.

Sarah?
[♪♪]

Jamie!
Help me.

[♪♪]

[in a tiny voice]
Help me.
Help me.

[in normal voice] Jamie!
[doorbell rings]

Come in.

Hey, Charles!
- Buddy.

Oh, looking good!
But you're late for work.

You'd better move your buns.

Yeah, funny.

Pick me up!
Pick me up.

[struggling]

Buddy, thanks!
You know what?

Julie left,
the necklace is back.

You were right all along.

I know, I'm always right.

Hey!
You know, that's a great outfit.

Imagine the kind of women
you can meet in a suit
like that.

Hey, you're right.
You know, girls like guys
in uniforms.

Tell you what.

I'll put on
my French fry costume

and we can go
as a balanced meal.
[Charles laughs]

[♪♪]

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I see ♪

♪ I want, I want Charles
in charge of me ♪

[♪♪]

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪

[fanfare]