04x07 - Walter Gets a Dodo

[bunniefuu]

[theme music playing]

♪ The new boy ♪
♪ In the neighborhood ♪

♪ Lives downstairs ♪
♪ And it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just to ♪
♪ Take good care of me ♪

♪ Like he's one ♪
♪ Of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs ♪
♪ And our rights ♪

♪ And I see, I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs ♪
♪ And our rights ♪

♪ And I see, I want ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge of me ♪

-Charles, come on.
-All right, just--

Just a few more seconds
and I'll be ready.

-Charles, I don't have time
for this. I gotta go.

-No, Adam. You can't go.

-Yes, I can.

-Can't.
-Can.

-Can't.
-Can.

-Can't.
-Can.

[arguing over each other]
-Hey, hey, hey.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-[continuing arguing]

Knock it off!

Let the child do
what he wants to do.

-Hey, I'm not a child.

-I was talking about Buddy.

Let him do
what he wants to do.

It'll only take
a few minutes, okay?

-Oh, Charles, what's the use?

It's all gonna
fall apart on me anyway.

I mean, something will come up
at the last minute

and you'll back out on me.

-Nothing, will come up, Buddy.

I promised I'd run your
slide show tonight, and I will.

-No, you won't.
-Yes, I will.

-No, you won't.
I spent two weeks on a bus

taking pictures of
every Civil w*r b*ttlefield

I could find.

I'll have my screen all set up

and nobody
to run my projector.

Do you know how boring it is
to stare at a blank space?

-Of course, I do.

I've been staring at your head
for years.

Come on, Buddy.
Now, trust me.

Nothing will come up.

-Charles, we really
have to go to school.

-Yeah, why do you
need us here, anyway?

-I told you, Jamie.

Buddy has to
practice his assignment

and he wants to experiment
on you kids.

-I thought there was a law

against animals
experimenting on people.

-Well, there isn't, Jamie.

Now, will you please let me
run through this just once?

Just in case
Charles doesn't let me down?

Slide one.

[double click]

The Battle of Gettysburg.

-That's a picture
of a girl in a bikini.

-Yeah, and she's
really hot, too.

-She can't be too hot.
Not in that.

-Buddy, your report
is supposed to be

about the Civil w*r.

-It is.

This is one of
my lovely assistants.

Just think of her
as a sexy signpost,

pointing the way
to the b*ttlefield.

-Do you think your professor's
gonna buy that?

-No, but knowing him,

he'll probably
want to borrow it.

-Charles? Don't forget to--

What?

What are you showing
my grandchildren?

-Well, uh,
they're pictures Buddy took

of famous Civil w*r battles.

-Yeah, grandpa.
That's Miss Gettysburg.

Uh, she's a signpost.

Um, she's pointing
the way to the b*ttlefield.

-Yeah, well, no wonder

the Union Army
had it so tough.

She's pointing in two directions
at the same time.

Kids, go to school.

Charles, turn that off.

And Charles, don't forget
to pick up my uniform

at the dry cleaners
this afternoon.

Tonight is the annual Grand Ball

of the
John Paul Jones Society,

and I want to look my best.

-Charles, did you hear that?
He's going out tonight.

That means you're gonna have to

baby-sit the kids.
-No, I won't.

-I knew something would come up.

-Buddy, Buddy, relax.

Now, the kids are going
to a game tonight.

Nothing will come up.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Oh, uh, hello, Professor Bunt.

-Something came up!
-Would you shut up?

Uh, no sir, that was my dog.

Uh, yeah, uh--

Yes, sir. Okay,
I-I'll be right there.

All right, goodbye.

All right,
Buddy, nothing came up.

Professor Bunt
just wants to see me, okay?

Now, we'll come back here

and we will practice
your slide show, okay?

-We can't.
Something will come up.

-Nothing will come up.

[knocking on door]

Professor Bunt?
You wanted to see me?

-Yes, yes, Charles.

My sister'll be coming here
from Chicago

and I want you to entertain her.

-How?

-By airplane.

-I meant how would you
like me to entertain her?

-Oh, just show her around town.

You know, do whatever you think
she'd enjoy.

I trust your judgment,
Charles.

-When?
-Occasionally.

-No, sir, I meant when would you
like me to entertain her?

-Tonight. Now, look it.
Here's her picture

and her hotel phone number.
-All right.

Uh, Professor, unfortunately,
I'm gonna be busy tonight.

-I know. You'll be busy
entertaining my sister.

I'd do it myself
but I'll be up in Massachusetts.

I'm meeting with
Dr. Roger Layton of Harvard.

He grants every professorship
in his department

and he's also engaged
to my sister.

-[chuckles]
Well, Professor,

as much as I'd hate to
hold back your career,

I-I promised Buddy Lembeck

that I would
help him out tonight.

-Buddy Lembeck?
That dopey kid?

-[chuckles] He may be dopey,
but he's my best friend.

-That's the silliest thing
I've ever heard.

Charles, sit down.

Are you aware
that a student teaching position

is opening up
and it pays $10 an hour?

-Uh, yes, sir,
I am aware of that.

-There are only two candidates
for that position, Charles.

You and the person who
entertains my sister tonight.

-Well, as tempting
as that sounds, sir,

I-I really
can't let Buddy down.

-Is he in a position to keep you
from getting your degree?

-Uh, no,
but I gave him my word.

-Who cares?

Charles, I want
my sister to be happy.

She's very shy.

And if I come back
and find out she spent

the entire evening alone
in a strange town,

I'll be furious. Understand?

-Yes, sir, you're telling me
that your sister is bashful

and if I don't make her happy,
you'll be grumpy,

but unless she gets sleepy,
I won't be able to help dopey.

-Now, cut that out!

-I'm sorry, Professor,

but I can't get out of
my prior commitment.

-Nonsense. Where there's a will,
there's a way.

Now, I've got the will,
so you'd better find a way.

[phone rings]

Excuse me.

I have a long distance call in
to Rochester...

New York.

Hello? Oh, Rochester.

Yes, go ahead
and put the call through now.

That'll be all, Charles.
Go away.

-Who's he remind me of?

-I knew
something would come up.

I knew
I couldn't count on you.

-Buddy, you can count on me.

I gave you my word
and I'm gonna keep it.

-You can't.
You have to entertain

Professor Bunt's
sister tonight.

-No, he just doesn't want her
to be alone tonight, Buddy.

It's so simple.

All I have to do is find
somebody else to entertain her.

-Who is somebody else?

-Anybody but me is someone else.

All I have to do is find a guy
who's charming, sophisticated,

nice-looking, gullible,
and desperate.

-Oh, Charles. You picked up
my uniform. Thank you.

-You're more than welcome,
Mr. Powell.

Now, may I say that tonight,

you're gonna look
absolutely k*ller at this dance?

-Oh, yes, quite right.

When your date
sees you in that uniform,

she'll break right into
the theme of Gilligan's Island.

-Oh, yeah.
-Oh, yeah.

-I don't have a date.

-No date?
-No date?

-Did you hear that?
-Did you hear that?

-That's pathetic!

-No, Buddy, that's not pathetic.

Mr. Powell just can't take
any woman to this dance.

He's got to take
a special woman.

A refined woman.

A cultured woman.
An educated woman.

-Oh, yeah.

A-A beautiful stranger.

-Will you stop? I don't know
any women like that.

-Show him, Charles.
-No way, Buddy.

-Show me what?
-Uh, just a picture of a woman.

-Of a beautiful stranger.
-This one.

Hey, that is a good looking
woman. [chuckles]

-Yeah, she's--
she's new in town.

She doesn't have
a date tonight, either.

-Oh, now, Buddy, come on.
She's Professor Bunt's sister.

You know, she's a refined,
cultured, educated woman.

She wouldn't want to
go to anything

as frivolous as a dance.

-[clears throat]
I resent that, Charles.

Any woman would be honored
to go to the Grand Ball.

[chuckles]
-I'm sorry, sir.

You know, maybe
she would want to go.

Nah, nah, I don't think so.

-Oh, oh, now, come on, Charles.

It-- It--
It couldn't hurt to ask.

-No, no, no.
It couldn't hurt to ask.

-[inhales] Ah, I don't know.

Oh, all right, Mr. Powell.

I wouldn't do this
for anyone else in the world,

but for your sake, I'll ask her.
All right?

-Good. Good, good.
But-- But don't beg.

Walter Powell never begs.

[chuckles]

Of course, on the other hand,
you're not Walter Powell,

so if you have to,
go ahead and beg.

[chuckling]

-Yes!

-No, Charles,
you don't understand.

If Professor Bunt's sister
is too refined for Mr. Powell,

you'll end up
entertaining her tonight.

-Are you kidding, Buddy?
Mr. Powell loves refined women.

And don't worry, be happy.

I'm running
a slide show tonight.

-I don't know, Charles.

The fat lady didn't singed yet.

[doorbell rings]

It's probably her now.
Charles: All right.

-Hi. I parked my Harley
in your front yard,

but it rolled into
your petunia bed.

I hope this is mud on my boot.

-Um, could I help you?

-Yeah. Take this helmet.

I hate wearing it, but it
keeps the bugs off my teeth.

Hi, I'm Lyle Bunt's sister.

-You're Professor Bunt's sister?

-Yeah, isn't that
a kick in the head?

[laughs]

-Oh, uh. [chuckles]

Hi, I'm-- I'm Buddy--
I'm-- I'm Charles.

And this is Buddy.

-My name's Dodo.

-They named you
after an extinct bird?

-No, they named me
after my extinct mother.

Her name was Doe,
so they called me Dodo.

Lucky for me
her name wasn't Dew.

[laughs]

-[chuckles]
Oh, yeah, I'm a dead man.

-Hey, I am real excited about
this John Paul Jones thing.

[exaggerated] I love to dance.

[singing melody]
♪ Ra-ra ra-ra da... ♪

[continues singing]

Ah, relax, kid.

You'll talk about this
in years to come.

[Charles dry chuckles]

Doo.
-Adam, say hello to Miss Bunt.

She-- She's your
grandfather's date.

-You're my grandfather's date?

-You bet your sweet--
-Ah, yes, yes, yes, yes.

She's your
grandfather's date, Adam.

-Does Grandpa know that?
-Well-- Well, sure, Adam.

He just hasn't met her yet.

Well, uh, good luck, Charles.

Uh, I don't want to be late
for the game.

-Uh, yeah, well--
-Bye.

-All right, yeah, well,
look, we gotta be going too,

uh, Miss... Dodo.

[chuckling]

Um, look, Mr. Powell
will be out in a few minutes.

Why don't you wait right here?
It was a pleasure meeting you.

Mr. Powell, you're on!

-Ciao.

-Young lady,
if you're from the garage,

you're a little late.
I had to change the oil myself.

-[laughs] I love a man
with a sense of humor.

I'm Dodo.

-I'd have bet my life on it.

-I'm your date tonight.

-Charles!

-Charles, I can't believe
they loved my slides.

I'm sure to get an A.
-Well--

-What I really can't believe is
that you didn't let me down.

-Well, I hope you're happy,
Buddy,

because when
Mr. Powell gets home,

he's gonna--

-Uh, this isn't
the way it looks.

-Looks like it looks to me.

-Oh, no.
You don't understand, uh--

Dodo and I--

Dodo and I
are gonna be married.

-I'm telling you, Buddy,
Professor Bunt

is-- is a ticking time b*mb.

The second he finds out

that his sister Dodo's
gonna marry Mr. Powell,

he's gonna explode in my face.

-That's why we've gotta stop
Mr. Powell from getting married.

-Oh, I can't do that, Buddy.

Mr. Powell
has found a soul mate.

You know, he's found
a-- a woman to share his life.

-It's a woman that he's
only known for one day.

What if he
didn't mean to propose?

We've all lost our heads
in the heat of passion.

-I don't know,
it's kind a hard for me

to picture Mr. Powell
in the heat of passion.

-Yeah, you're right. I usually
picture Kathleen Turner.

-You know, Buddy,

somebody blew out the candle
in your pumpkin a long time ago.

Look, if Mr. Powell is happy,
I can't spoil it for him.

-Yeah, but what if he isn't?

Professor Bunt can ruin
your entire college career.

Now, before that happens,

I think we should make sure
that Mr. Powell is serious.

-You know something,
maybe you're right.

You know, may--
maybe Mr. Powell

just got carried away
last night.

Maybe-- Maybe he's
not happy at all.

-Charles, my boy.

I am the happiest man
in the entire world.

-Oh, Mr. Powell, Mr. Powell,
um, uh, could we, uh--

Could we talk about this?

-Talk? Not now.
Dodo's waiting outside.

-Oh.
-Wally.

If you don't stop
lolly-gagging around,

I'm gonna have to
jump-start your body again.

[laughing]

-Isn't she something, huh?

Right now we're going cycling.

I can't remember
when I've had a better time.

Thank you, Charles.
Lembeck, me darling.

Wait for me
my little pedal pusher!

-Charles, you didn't ask him.

-I couldn't, Buddy.
Come on, did you see the man?

He was happy.

-But Professor Bunt won't be.

You said he was
a ticking time b*mb, remember?

-Uh, there's nothing
I can do about it, Buddy.

I'm just gonna have to go down

to Bunt's office
and tell him the truth.

-Tick-tick, tick-tick,
tick-tick, tick-tick--.

[strings strumming]

-Hi.

-Charles, I'm furious. Sit down.

My sister tells me

she's not gonna marry
Roger Layton.

-Yeah, uh, Professor,

there's something
I've got to tell you.

-Let me tell you something.
Get up.

Dodo says
she's met another man.

You were in charge
of her last night, Charles.

-Yes, I know.
That-- That's why--

-Don't interrupt.

Since you were in charge,

I want you
to find this other man

and put an end to the affair.

-I-I can't do that.

-You'd better do it.
If you don't,

I'll haunt you
for the rest of your life.

If you--
-May-- May I say something?

-No, I've heard enough.
Now, you've got your orders.

Go out and k*ll somebody.

-[chuckles dryly] Yes, sir.

Who does he remind me of?

Jamie, come on.

Next to my problem,
your problem is nothing.

Thank you.
-What's your problem, Charles?

-My problem is so big, Sarah,

there's not enough room
in my mouth to talk about it.

-Oh.

What's Jamie's problem?

-Jamie doesn't have a problem.

Jamie's just upset

because your grandfather
has a girlfriend.

-What's wrong with that?
I think it's very romantic.

-You think going through
a car wash is romantic.

Face it, Charles.

You don't want Grandpa
to marry Dodo.

-Hey, come on,
don't put words in my mouth.

You're the one who doesn't
want him to get married.

-I didn't say that.
I just think that

people should get married
when they're young.

-Hi, Charles. Hi, Jamie.
Is Dodo here?

I am dying to meet her.

-Nah, she's out with Mr. Powell.

-Yeah, it's really embarrassing.

-Excuse me, but your grandfather
is not embarrassed.

-I am. I mean,
Grandpa is my grandpa.

I don't want to see him
make a fool out of himself.

-Jamie, it sounds to me
like your granddad is happy.

You know, honey, happiness
is not that easy to come by.

If we're lucky enough
to find it,

we'd better hold on to it.

I certainly found that out

when I lost
my dear, sweet husband.

-You know something, Mom,
you're right.

And Mr. Powell is happy.

-Well, there's only one thing
that could make him happier.

And that's
if we're happy for him.

-Yeah, I'm sorry.
I am happy for him.

Thanks, Aunt Lillian.
-Okay.

-Hi, Walter and I raced home.
I won.

-Oh, uh, Dodo, I'd like you
to meet my mother.

-Oh, hi.
-Oh, hi.

-Boy, are we having fun.

-Mr. Powell,

for whatever it's worth,

and no matter how it affects
the rest of my entire life,

I'm-- I'm very glad
that you're getting married.

-Oh, thank you.

-And Dodo,

I know that you'll be very close
to your grandchildren.

-Silly, I don't have
any grandchildren.

-Not now,
but when you marry Mr. Powell,

his grandchildren
will be your grandchildren.

-He's right, Dodo.
These kids will love you.

You're someone
they can call Grammaw

and really mean it.

-Grammaw?

-Or Granny.
Whichever you prefer.

Are you all right?

-Um, oh, sure. [chuckles]

Yeah, sometimes
I get dizzy spells

when I'm not even dizzy.

[laughs]

Uh,

excuse me, do you mind
if I use your phone?

Usually when this happens,
I call up a friend of mine.

We sing doo-wop songs
to each other.

-Buddy, look, I'm not even
gonna try it, all right?

No matter what
Professor Bunt does to me.

No, look-- look, Mr. Powell,

he deserves
some happiness, right?

I mean-- And if he
wants to get married,

more power to him.

Oh, Buddy, let me call you back.

All right, bye.

-Charles, have you
ever been kayak racing?

-[chuckles] No, sir.

-Yeah, well, don't.

There's whole parts of my body
that won't speak to me.

Oh! Charles--

Charles, I got a problem.

Dodo is wearing me out.

-Have you told her that?

-No, not yet. I haven't
got the strength. [chuckles]

[doorbell rings]

-Don't move a muscle. I got it.

Hi.
-Hi, Chase.

Walter,

I need to talk to you.

-Oh. [grunts]

Oh. Thank you. I need to
talk to you, too, Dodo.

[doorbell rings]

-Don't move, I got it.

-Aha!

I followed you, Dodo.

I thought maybe you'd
lead me to your mystery man.

-What mystery man?

-I think he means you, Walter.

-Charles?
You knew about this?

-Yes, Professor. I'd like you
to meet Walter Powell.

I-I set up
Mr. Powell with your sister.

-That's an act you'll regret
until your dying day.

Dodo, you are not
gonna marry this man.

-I beg your pardon.

That's not your decision
to make.

-No, it isn't.

-Well, it's certainly
not one you can make.

-I'm her fiancee.
-I'm her brother.

-I'm her.

-That's true, she is her.

-Dodo, what do you want to do?

-That's what I came
to talk to you about.

Walter, you're a wonderful man,

but I'm just not grown up enough
to be a grandmother.

Walter, I want to marry you
but I can't.

-You can't?

-You can't?
-No.

-Oh, Dodo,

I can't tell you how much
I'm hurting right now.

Dodo: Oh...

-Of course,
I was hurting before too.

Maybe it's a blessing
in disguise.

-Of course it is!

-Of course it is!

Now, she can marry Roger Layton.

-Forget it, Lyle.

You'll have to get into Harvard
without me.

I learned a lot of stuff
from Walter.

Men can be fun.

Oh, Roger's no fun at all.

I-- I can't marry
an unfun person.

-Of course you can't.

-Charles, I hold you
directly responsible for this.

By the time
I get through with you,

you won't even be able to
get a job

as a ventriloquist's dummy.

-Well, I'm certainly glad
that's not my major.

-Lyle, I thought you
wanted me to be happy.

-I do.

-Well, Charles kept me
from marrying Roger

and that makes me happy.

-You see that, she's happy.

-You punish Charles
for making me happy,

you'll make me
extremely unhappy.

-Mm. Unhappy.

-So, which would you enjoy more?

Punishing Charles
or making me happy?

-Hmm.

-Lyle!

-I'm thinking!

All right, Dodo,
you win, as usual.

Charles, I'm gonna forget
this ever happened.

If my sister is happy,
I'm happy.

-All right, well,
if you're happy, I'm happy.

That is, of course,
if Mr. Powell's happy.

-Well, I guess I'll be happy.
As soon as my body heals.

-Walter, we will meet again.

But until then...

hang in there.

-Goodbye, everybody.

-Mr. Powell, I'm sorry.

-Don't be!

Charles, it's been
a wonderful three days.

Because of you, I'm gonna
start dating more often.

Preferably, women who are
in worse shape that I am.

-I'm glad
you feel that way, sir.

Put it there.
-[screams] Oh.

[theme music playing]

-[knocking]
-Come in.

-Hi, Charles.
-Hey.

-Oh, Mr. Powell.

I just came by to ask you

if I could be
best man at your wedding.

-Oh, Buddy, there's, uh--

There's not gonna be
any wedding.

-Oh, no!

She dumped you, eh, Mr. Powell?

Well, believe me,
I'm an expert on that subject.

Now the only way for you
to get over it

is to keep yourself busy
and-- and I'll help you.

Now, here's my plan.

On Monday,
we could go rollerskating,

and on Tuesday,

I'll teach you
how to skateboard.

And on Wednesday,
we could go trail hiking.

-And on Thursday,
we can go to your funeral.

-Charles, those sports
aren't dangerous.

-Trust me.

-I think today I'll go jogging.

[Charles chuckles]

[theme music playing]

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ Of our wrongs ♪

♪ And our rights ♪

♪ And I see, I want ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪