04x06 - Fatal Obsession

[bunniefuu]

♪ The new boy ♪

♪ in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives downstairs ♪

♪ and it's understood ♪

♪ he's there just to take good
care of me ♪

♪ like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs ♪

♪ and our rights and I see ♪

♪ I want Charles in charge
of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs and our rights
and I see ♪

♪ I want I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge of me ♪♪

- Is it the ten of hearts?
- No.

- Is it the jack of hearts?
- No.

- Is it the queen of hearts?
- No.

- Is it the king of hearts?
- No.

Adam, you've been doing this
stupid card trick all day,

and you haven't gotten
it right once!

You've already guessed

theres only one card left!

[doorbell rings]

- Hi.
- Take a card, Buddy.

Now look at your card,
is it the ace of hearts?

How did you do that?
That's a great trick Adam!

- Thanks!
- Is Charles here?

No, I think he's still
chaperoning this kids

on the camping trip.

[doorbell rings]
Doorbell.

- Hi.
- Hi, uh, is Charles here?

No, but I'm his friend, Buddy,
and I'd be glad
to buy your cookies.

Charles and I shared a tent
last night,

and he left these behind.

It was really very romantic,
when the rainstorm hit,

the wind blew my tent
into the lake,

I thought I was gonna drown,
but Charles just picked me up

in his strong arms and carried
me right into his tent.

Has anyone seen the blender?

Oh, I know you,
you work at Fletcher's,

I come in all the time,
I'm Jaime.

Of course,
Charles told me all about you,

but I had no idea
you were the same Jaime.

- Oh, how do you know Charles?
- She was on his camping trip.

- They shared a tent together.
- And now she has
his underwear.

Okay, well Charles should be
home any minute.

so why don't you wait for him
in the kitchen.

I'll show you what I'm making,
you will love it.

Great!

I thought Charles said
the camping trip

was a class project.

I know, I wonder what he gets
to do for extra credit.

Hey, woo, boy am I glad
to be home.

And you can't believe the bad
luck we ran into, Buddy.

As soon as we got all
the tents set up,

a big rainstorm hit and blew
the other counselor's tent

- right into the lake.
- No!

Yeah, and then the counselor
ended up sharing

- my one man tent with me.
- Gee, what a catastrophe!

Why don't you tell us about the
other counselor, Charles.

Just some other student, uh,
tell you the truth,

I don't even remember what the
other counselor looked like.

Maybe that'll refresh
your memory.

Oh... hi.

Hi, you're probably wondering
what I'm doing here.

I'll give you a hint.
You left them in our tent.

Okay, all right, Adam what are
you doing sitting around here?

Don't you have, uh, homework
to do, and sleep to go to?

There you go, move it!

Uh, thank you for bringing my,
uh, camping wear back.

It was nice to see you again,
I'll, I'll see you again

- on campus someday.
- How 'bout Monday for lunch?

Uh, well, well,
what am I doin' Monday?

Charles is having lunch with
Stephanie on Monday.

That, that, that's right.

Okay, I'll tell you what,
I'll give you a call,

and we can decide
on a date then.

I'll never forget last night
Charles, the storm, the tent...

it was wonderful, and I know
you'll never forget it either.

Why not, he forgot his
underwear, didn't he?

Then I'd better make sure he
doesn't forget me.

Goodbye for now.

Charles, did you see
that look in her eyes?

That woman is after you, it,
it's like a fatal attraction!

What went on up there
last night?

- Nothing!
- Oh, really?

Well, it seems to me that
passion was in tents.

Aha, oh, ya get it,
in tents, T-E-N-T,

I'm sorry, I can't help it, my
mouth is totally uninhibited!

Yeah, and your mind
is totally uninhabited.

So is your underwear!

All right, pick a card,
any card.

- Okay.
- Okay, now memorize it.

- You got it?
- Yeah.

Put it back in the deck,
put it back in the deck.

Now, I am going to write
the correct answer

on this piece of paper.
Chp, chp, chp chp chp...

Was your card
the three of spades?

- No.
- See, it says no, I was right.

Hey, that's
really great grandpa!

And, it is almost
absolutely foolproof!

Charles, I think you've got
a big problem.

Lembeck's just the fool
to prove it.

What are you gonna
tell Stephanie

about the camping trip?

Nothing Buddy,
because nothing happened.

Charles, the girl had her hands
on your Fruit of the Looms!

Hey, Buddy, pick a card,
any card.

Okay, now, I'm gonna write
the correct answer

on this paper.

Okay, was your
card the three of spades?

That's amazing Adam!

Why can't I do
these tricks right?!

Look, Buddy, Stephanie is on
her way over here, okay.

There's no need for us to
mention what happened,

on the camping trip, okay.

I'll just tell Alex
to stay out of my life.

- Her name is Alex?
- Uh-huh.

Charles, that was
Glenn Close's name

in the movie Fatal Attraction !

- Oh, please.
- Don't you remember

what happened when
Michael Douglas
tried to dump her

after a one night stand?
She boiled his bunny!

Will you stop it, Buddy!

All right, I'll just tell,
tell Alex that Stephanie's

the only woman for me,
and that'll be the end of it.

Sure, that's what
Michael Douglas thought.

How come there is never any
decent food in this house?!

It is all fattening, and I
can't eat any of it!

You know why, because I'm fat!

[doorbell rings]
What?!

Jaime, you're, you're beautiful,

where'd you get the idea
you were fat?

I looked in the mirror.

Charles, there's a young lady
to see you.

Oh, good, that's Stephanie,
come on, Buddy.

- Jaime, you are not fat.
- Actually, you're short.

Oh, great, I'm short and fat!

Hi, stupid me, when I left last
night I forgot my scarf.

Oh, your scarf, well, well,
let, let, let's find

that little sucker,
shall we, Buddy?

- Nope.
- Nope.

- Not here.
- Not here.

Well, maybe you left it
somewhere else.

It was very nice
to see you again.

I've got an idea,
as long as I'm here,

why don't we have that date.

Look, uh, Alex, I'm gonna be
very honest with you, okay?

Now, now, don't take
it personally,

it's not like you're being
dumped or anything.

Right, you see I, I
happen to have a date

with Stephanie Curtis today,

and she's this girl
I've been seeing,

you know, for about two months,
and still am.

That is, if you don't mind.

I understand, Charles, I
couldn't expect a guy

as cute as you,
not to have a girlfriend.

I'll be seeing you... soon.

- Hi, Charles.
- Hi.

Did that girl bring back
some more of your underwear?

No, she thought she left
her scarf here.

Oh, sure, and Jessica Hahn
thought that Jim Bakker

was really doing
missionary work.

Is this her scarf?

Yes, yes, thank you,
you see that, Buddy?

She did leave her scarf here!

No she didn't, uh,
she just put it there right now

when grandpa was getting you
guys from the kitchen.

Charles, she planted it,
don't you see!

Doomsday Productions proudly
presents, Fatal Attraction !

[doorbell rings]

- Stephanie, hi.
- Hi, Charles.

- Charles, do I smell perfume?
- Perfume, uh...

- Uh, uh, the, the Avon lady!
- Right, right, she just left.

Really, did you buy anything?

Uh, yes I did, um, yeah,
I, I, bought this scarf.

- Ooh, for me?
- Uh, no, it's for me.

Right,
wear it in health, Buddy.

Thank you Charles, good day.

Charles, what's going on?

I don't know, all of a sudden
he has this thing for silk.

Let's try not to think about it,
shall we?
Come on.

♪ ♪

So, what do you say we do
something hot this weekend?

Hmmm, we could, uh, drink
some hot chocolate,

we could, uh, eat some hot
popcorn, and rent a hot movie.

Okay, let's see how about,
um, Fatal Attraction ?

Why'd you say that?

Because, I've always wanted
to see Fatal Attraction .

- Hi, Stephanie.
- Hi!

Um, this is
my little nephew, Anthony

- and he wanted to meet you.
- Hi, Anthony.

Wha-wha-wha,

Wha-wha-wha, what kind of ta...
nobody says wah-wha-wha!

What do you mean,
that kid on Happy Days

always says wha-wha-wha!

Well, what did he know?
He was a weenie!

Charles, Anthony didn't mean
any disrespect.

He just couldn't resist
Stephanie's fatal attraction.

Why'd you say that?

That is a coincidence, Charles
and I were just talking about

renting Fatal Attraction
this weekend.

- Oh!
- I've never seen it.

Oh, it's one of my
favorite movies.

Well, let, let, let's not spoil
it for her, okay mom?

Well, of course not,
I wouldn't spoil it,

but let me just say this,
Glenn Close is terrific!

She really had me scared.

Yeah, she's my idol,
what a great moment,

I mean, when she boiled that
rabbit... I actually wept.

Charles, I need one minute
of your time.

Oh, okay, what's up?

Oh, honey, oh, please sit down
here, we, we have to leave.

Okay.

All right Sarah, one minute
and counting, what is it?

It's Jaime,
she's starving herself.

She thinks she's too fat, so
she's not eating at all!

- You've gotta do something.
- Oh, okay, all right, Sarah,

I'll, I'll go home
and I'll talk to her, okay?

- Thanks.
- All right,
I'll see you later.

I've got a class to go to,
Charles.

- Oh, all right.
- I'm late.

- I'll see you later, too.
- Bye.

- Hi, Buddy!
- Yeah, that's what you think!

Charles,
I just saw that girl, Alex,

watching you outside the diner,
through the window.

When she saw me coming,
she split!

Well, that's what I'm about
to do, Buddy.

I gotta go home
and talk to Jaime.

Don't worry, come on,
this whole thing with Alex,

it, it's a thing of the past,
it's over,

I'll never see her again.

But you will, Charles,
she's out there somewhere...

... following you.

Oh, don't be ridiculous, Buddy,
she wouldn't dare follow me!

That was not Alex in the
backyard, that was Mr. Powell.

Now, think, I know it's hard...

Does Alex look like Mr. Powell?

How would I know, you're the
one who shared a tent with her.

Hi, Charles.
Hi, Buddy.

- Hey.
- Nice outfit, Jaime.

Oh, thanks,
I've just been exercising.

Oh, that, good, that reminds
me, I have to talk to you.

Look, Jaime, the this is, uh,
I think your getting too thin.

- And too tall!
- Oh, relax, Charles.

I don't have to worry
about my weight anymore.

I just got my own nutritionist.

I met her at
Fletcher's Health Food Store.

And she's gonna stay
right here in the house

until I work out
my food problem.

Jaime, do you know how much
that's gonna cost you?

Oh, nothing, see she
volunteered to do it for free

because she likes me, and
because she's a good person.

She's also a good friend
of yours.

Hi, Charles, looks like
you're going to be seeing

a lot more of me from now on.

Hide your rabbit.

Uh, Alex, this is, this is
very nice of you.

It's my pleasure,
I want to help Jaime!

Isn't she great, Charles!

Look, okay,
why don't you guys talk

while I go upstairs
and do my aerobics?

Buddy, could you run to
Fletcher's for me?

I'm making Jaime a health drink
and I need some wheat germ.

I'll, I'll go!

No, I need you here
to show me where things are.

Buddy can go, can't he?

Well, uh, no, not really,

Buddy, uh, Buddy, Buddy lost
his driver's license.

That's okay, Fletcher's is only
two blocks away, he can walk.

- Uh, Charles?
- Go, but hurry back!

- Right!
- Uh-h-h-h.

- Well, here we are.
- Uh, no n-n-n-no, we aren't.

Yes we are, you know as well as
I do that this was inevitable.

Don't fight it.

Look, Alex, come on, look,
I-I-I, I'm getting a feeling

that you're not really here
for Jaime at all.

An, an, and I don't think
that's fair to her.

Sure it is, I'm perfectly
capable of taking care of
Jaime, and you.

But, no, look, look, Alex,
I am deeply involved

in another relationship, okay?!

After what happened
on our camping trip?

Nothing happened
on our camping trip!

I slept on my side of the tent
and you slept on yours!

I am dating Stephanie,
do you know what that means?

Yes, it means
you'll have to tell Stephanie

the truth about us.

Oh no, I don't believe this,
I don't believe this!

Alex, you are not listening
to me!

And you're not listening
to your heart!

- Maybe this will help.
- But...

Charles, I can't prepare
Jaime's meals

if you keep trying to kiss me,
I may have to ask you to leave.

What, n-no, I'm gonna have to
ask yo to leave, Alex.

I'm sorry, but I don't want
you here.

All right Charles,
goodbye, Jaime.

Jaime, wait no!

Charles, you've got
to apologize to Alex.

How could you kiss her
and then ask her to leave?!

Alex was saying,
the o-only things

th-that she wanted you to hear.

You see, she's not here
for you at all, Jaime,

she's here for me,
the woman is obsessed!

You know, you have
a major ego problem.

You think Alex is helping me,
because she's in love with you?

You're the one who's obsessed,
huh, you just won't be happy

- until you destroy my life.
- That's not true, Jaime!

I could be happy
long before that!

Alex caused this whole problem

and now Jaime thinks
I'm trying to destroy her life.

- I, I had to throw her out!
- Jaime?!

No, Alex, she's the one who
would destroy Jaime's life,

- Buddy, she's a crazy woman!
- Jaime?!

No, Alex, I'm talking about
Alex, forget about Jaime!

- I thought you threw her out?
- I did.

Then what are you getting
so upset about?

- Jaime!
- No, Alex, you told me to
forget about Jaime.

I can't forget about Jaime, she
hasn't spoken to me all week.

Well, the good news is,
I haven't heard from Alex

all week either, but she could
just like pop up at any minute.

- Jaime?
- No, Alex!

Boys, I have wonderful news!

This morning, the sweetest girl
came by the diner

and she volunteered to give me
health food recipes.

To make a long story short,
I hired her.

No, no, no, mom you can't,
you didn't!

Son, I can, I did.

Wait 'till you meet her,
you're going to love her!

Uhp, here she comes now.

Buddy, Charles,
say hello to Helene.

Helene, oh, Helene!

Welcome aboard.

Charles, I said you'd fall
in love with her,

I didn't mean for you
to do it in the diner!

Helene, let me welcome
you aboard!

[slapping sound]
Ow!

I think you both need a hobby.

Buddy, that was Helene,
I am free!

I'm free, now all I have to do
is take care of Jaime, listen.

I got a date
with Stephanie tonight.

Why don't you get a girl,
bring her along,

we'll have
a little victory party!

Oh, Charles,
I don't have a date.

Oh, no problem, Stephanie
will get a girl for you!

Oh, okay, oh, wait a minute,
I forget,

what is it we're celebrating?

The fact that that woman
is out of my life!

Jaime?

Yes, you see, I've gotten
rid of Jaime and Alex.

That leaves only one thorn
in my side!

Stephanie?!

Tonight is my night, baby,
no Alex problems,

no Jaime problems,
no problems at all.

- Charles, I have a problem.
- No you don't!

Yes I do, I'm, I'm not good
with blind dates!

No, no, Buddy, come on, this
is not just any blind date.

This is Stephanie's friend, you
have nothin' to worry about.

She only hangs out
with nice girls!

That's my problem, I don't!

[knocking on the door]
Oh, that's them, uh, come in!

Hi, Charles, Buddy,
I would like you to meet

- my new friend, Alex.
- Hi... Charles...

Stephanie, you didn't tell me

this was the Charles
you were dating.

- Oh, you two have met?
- Repeatedly.

Uh, yeah, um, uh, Alex is,
was helping, uh, Jaime

- with her diet.
- Oh.

How long have you two known
each other?

Oh, just a couple days, you
know it was the weirdest thing.

I was sure someone had stolen
my student I.D. card

from my purse, but Alex found
it on the tennis court

and returned it to me.

That's very clever
of you, Alex.

The main this is, Stephanie
and I have become good friends.

Right, okay, Charles,
where is that popcorn?

Oh, uh, I forgot it upstairs
in the kitchen.

Okay, Buddy,
let's get it popping.

I-I-I can't, uh-uh, I don't
have a driver's license?

Okay, I'll pop the corn

and you watch out
for the state troopers.

Charles can stay here
and talk to Alex.

So, I wonder how long it'll
take before your corn pops.

Well, let, let's, let's stop

before my-my corn
does pop, okay?

Um... look, Alex,
look, I, I told you.

You're a very attractive woman.

You don't have to throw
yourself at a guy
who doesn't want you.

But, you do want me Charles,
just as I want you, admit it!

No, I... y-you're wrong, Alex,
I don't want you.

An-and I don't like the way
that you, you tried

to use Jaime to get to me.

Now, she was counting
on your help.

Oh, come on, Charles, Jamie's a
self-centered little fool

who's only concerned
about her looks.

She doesn't need me, you do!

Hi, Jamie.

Jamie, honey,
I was hoping you'd be home!

Buddy told me
you'd be down here,

I just wanted to say hello.

Good, how's your diet doing?

Much better... you know,
I just figured out a way

to get rid of 120
unwanted pounds... you!

I should have believed Charles.

He said you were obsessed,
and he was right.

Me obsessed, what about you?!

You have a figure that most
women would k*ll for,

and you think you're fat!
You're the one who's obsessed!

Ar-are you saying
she's not fat?

Of course she's not fat,
she never was.

So, you were pretending
to help me, to get to Charles.

So, I'm sure a lot of women
are after Charles.

I certainly wouldn't call that
being obsessed.

No, but, he turned you down,
and you kept going after him.

That's being obsessed!

Checkmate.

Look, Alex, um, the thing is,

if I had met you
before I met Stephanie,

it, it, might have been
different, but, we didn't meet,

so, you know, ther-there's
really no chance for us.

- Honest.
- And Charles never lies.

Well... it looks like
I've made a fool of myself...

I'm sorry.

Okay, uh, let's watch
the movie.

Come on, Buddy,
I want you to take me home.

Why, what are you gonna
do to me?!

I haven't decided,

but, I'll tell you
what I'm not going to do.

I'm not going to fall in love
with you,

I'm not going to become
obsessed with you,

and I'm not going to think
about you in the morning.

Uh, wouldn't that be
an incredibly shallow,

- meaningless relationship?
- Absolutely.

I can live with that.

- Rrr-hmm.
- Did I miss something?

Oh, no, no, no,
nothing important.

I'll, I'll tell you
all about it later.

I think it was important,

you know,
I really learned something.

Good, Jamie,
what did you learn?

One of the most important
things in life, I'm not fat!

Well, I was hoping
that you had learned

to stop
thinking about your body,

and start thinking about
your attitude.

Oh, yeah, well that too.

From now on, I'm gonna be
kinder, gentler,

and much more loving
to everybody.

- Here, take a card.
- Take a hike!

Right.

- Jamie, take a hike.
- Right.

- Well, I guess that leaves us.
- Huh-aww!

So, did you rent
Fatal Attraction ?

No, no, I didn't have to...
you know why?

Uh, uh.

Because, you're my
fatal attraction.

Charles, something is going on,
now tell me the truth.

How well do you know Alex?

I, no, uh, I don't know her
well at all!

She's, uh, she was, uh,
just Jamie's nutritionist!

[knocking on the door]

- Come in.
- Charles?
- Yeah.

I've been doing some
investigating,

and I figured something out.

Now, I thought
I should warn you.

I don't think that woman
left her scarf by accident,

the other night, I think she
planted it here.

- What woman?
- Uh, the Avon lady.

- Alex is the Avon lady?
- Yes, and a nutritionist.

But, she had your underwear.

Yeah, she also takes
in laundry.

Then why'd she spend the night
in your tent?

- Well, I...
- Hold it!

Alex, the nutritionist,
Avon lady who takes in laundry,

spent the night in your tent?

Sarah, why don't you go find
Adam, and take a card?

I don't want to,
Adam's tricks never work!

Neither do yours, Charles!

No, but, Stephanie, Stephanie!

Big mouth,
Stephanie wait a minute!

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ and I see I want I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪ ♪