04x01 - No Nukes Is Good Nukes

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives down stairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there
just to take good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing ♪

♪ I want
Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights,

♪ And I sing ♪

♪ I want, I want
Charles in charge of me ♪♪

Alright, okay, Buddy.
Buddy please, look, time is up.

Time is up.
I'm going over to Trudy's.

Charles,
Trudy is just another coed.

You volunteered to help me
with my history final.

Yeah, but as a favor.
Not as a career, Buddy.

Now I also promised Trudy
that I would help her

with her costume
for the campus carnival.

What costume?

I thought you said she was
going as the tattooed lady.

She is.

Trudy is an art major.

She can draw her own tattoos.
What does she need you for?

For those
hard to reach places.

But hey, come on.
I'm not gonna sit here and wait

while you try to memorize
history answers.

Charles, I'm ready now.

I've absorbed
the entire chapter.

I have a mind like a sponge.

No.
You have the mind of a sponge.

Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

Go ahead, ask me anything.

Huh, alright fine, um.

When was the Boston Tea Party?

I don't know.
That's it, I'm calling Trudy

and I'm telling her
I'm coming over.

The Boston Tea Party
was in 1773.

Oh, that party!

Charles you didn't tell me
you meant that party.

Party?
Who's having a party?

Oh, some people
up in Boston.

But don't change clothes
I think it's over by now.

Jamie,
The Boston Tea Party
wasn't a party.

Oh, I know that.
It was the protest
against the tax on tea

and it didn't do any good.

Protests never do any good.

How can you say that?
They do a lot of good.

Trudy's line is busy.

The late
Bertrand Russell said,

"Only protest
gives a hope of life."

Yeah, what do you think
of that, Jamie?

Well I think
if Bertrand Russell
was so smart,

why is he dead?

Charles say something.

I can't.
Trudy's line is still busy.

Tell Jamie
that I'm right about protests.

Oh, okay Jamie, uh,

this country
wouldn't even exist

if it weren't
for protesters, alright.

We have the right
and the duty to protest

when we think
that our government is wrong.

Yes, thank you, Charles.

I can't believe this.
This line is still busy.

Hey maybe she's trying
to call me.

Why would she, Charles,
you're boring.

[Mrs. Powell]
Hi, Charles.
Hi, Buddy.

Oh, Buddy,
give me a hand here.
Hi, Mrs. Powell.

[Buddy] Hi, Mrs. Powell.
- Oh, thank you.

[phone rings]
Thank you.

Oh what?
Here I'll get it.

Hello?

Hi.

How are you?
Where are you?

What?

Oh, uh, no.

Uh, could you hold on a second
and I'll change phones.

Uh, Buddy would you mind
hanging this up for me?

Oh sure, Mrs. Powell.

Thank you.

Buddy.

Wait till she picks up
the other phone.

Oh, okay.

Buddy.
- Charles.

That was a man's voice
on the phone.

Now think about it.

Mrs. Powell
sneaks to another phone,

her husband is away
in the Navy,

there could only be one answer.

Mrs. Powell has a boyfriend.

Buddy, tell me something.

Do you have thought processes,

or does these ideas just fall
through the hole in your brain

and role out of your mouth?

I don't know.

Wow.

♪♪

I'm telling you Charles.

Please.
- I'm telling you.

Can you stop now, come on?

Look I'm busy
visualizing myself

putting another coat of paint
on Trudy tonight, okay?

I don't want to hear
anymore talk about
Mrs. Powell's boyfriend.

Well you should
because Mrs. Powell...

Mrs. Powell happens to be
a happily married...

Wow.

Did you see what I saw?

No.
No, Buddy, and neither did you.

Jamie, hi!
- Hi.

[Charles]
Hey, where you going?

Um, I want to get something
to drink.

Uh, well you know what.

Why don't you go downstairs
to my bathroom?

There's plenty of water
down there.

I want to go into the kitchen.

[stuttering]
Well you can't.

Why not?

Because...
- Um...

[Buddy]
Charles.

Because Jamie,
Buddy and I are, er, uh,
we're practicing a fire drill

and we just want to see how fast
we can evacuate the house, see.

[Jamie screams]
Charles!

What the hell is going on here?

Jamie!
- Grandpa!

[Charles] Mr. Powell?
- Daddy!

Daddy?
- Robert you're home!

Charles, you're dead.

[Robert] Oh Jamie honey,
I'm so glad to see you.

Daddy, I missed you so much.

Oh, I never thought
I'd get home.

Excuse me, what are you doing
with my daughter?

Uh, that's called
a firemen's carry.

Charles, Buddy,
this is my husband Robert

and honey, this is the Charles
that we told you so much about.

Well, it's a pleasure
to finally meet you, sir.

Oh, it certainly is.

You know , I wouldn't
have known you from Adam.

Well actually I would,
he's the shorter one.

Mom,
how come you didn't tell us
Dad was coming home?

Well, your Dad
didn't want me to.

He was afraid the Navy
would change his plans.

Well, the good news
is the Navy is trying to arrange
permanent berthing

for my ship
at Staten Island.

Someone's berthing a ship?
Ow.

That way, uh, I'll be able
to get home more often.

That is,
if those stupid protesters
don't foul me up.

Protesters?

A group
of anti-nuclear activists
have been blocking the pier.

I had to leave my ship
by helicopter.

The nerve!
Imagine protesting against
your own country's navy.

Those swine.

They ought to be keelhauled.

Oh, don't be too hard
on them, Charles.

Some people think this country
wouldn't even exist
without protesters.

Yes, and some people
talk too much.

What time does Adam
and Sarah get home?

Well they should be home now.
Charles?

They should be home now.
- They should be home now.

Why aren't they?

Why aren't they?
- Why aren't they?

Uh, sometimes they stop
off at the diner after school.

Sometimes they stop
off at the diner after school.

- Sometimes they stop
off at the diner after school.

And Charles can go pick
them up.

I can go pick them up.
- Charles can go pick them up.

Let's go pick them up, Buddy.

Oh no,
you go ahead Charles.

I'm gonna stay
and entertain Commander Powell.

Let's go pick them up, Buddy.

Entertain him,
you don't even know him.

There something wrong with you?

He seemed nice enough for me.
- That doesn't make
a difference!

Commander Powell
is gonna k*ll me.

Oh, this is great.
They're not here.

Who?

Simon and Garfunkel.
Who do you think, Buddy?

Sarah and Adam.

Mom.

Oh, hello boys.

Commander Powell is here.

He is?
Oh, that's wonderful.

I bet those kids are thrilled.

Well one is thrilled,
the other two are unthrilled.

No, I'm unthrilled because
the other two aren't home.

Mom, have you seen them?

Oh yes, many times.

Hi.

No, Adam.
Adam look at yourself.

I can't.
I have mud in my eyes.

Adam, have you been
bobbing for earthworms?

No.
It happened at school.

You're so lucky.

We didn't have mud wrestling
when I was in Junior High.

This is bad timing, Adam.
Your father's home.

He is?
Alright!

No no, wait a minute.
You can't go home
looking like that.

Now listen to me.
This is the first time
I've met your father

and I have to make
a good impression, okay?

I want you to go
in the bathroom
and clean yourself up.

Wait a minute.

Where's Sarah?

I don't know,
I didn't see her
in school today.

She probably cut class.

Sarah.
Sarah never cuts class.

Charles sweetheart,
calm down.

Sarah's a big girl,
she'll find her way home.

Unless of course,
she's been hit by a truck

and is laying in the gutter
somewhere.

How could you think
of things like that?

I'm a mother.

[clanging of pots]

And a restaurant owner.

Excuse me.

Charles, here's my plan.
- What?

We'll get Adam cleaned up,
you take him back to the house,
and I'll go back to my dorm.

Yeah?
And then?

Well and then
I won't be around

when you tell Commander Powell
that you lost his daughter.

Please don't hurt him,
let me do it.

Dad!

Dad, I missed you so much.
- Oh, Adam.

I missed you, too.
Wow!

Boy you're growing!
I mean, look at you.

You look terrific.
Come here.

Where's Sarah?

Sarah?
- Yeah.

Oh, oh, Sarah.
You-you-you mean the tall one.

Uh.
Well, she's probably...

Uh.
Jamie where's Sarah?

Beats me.
She's always home by this time.

Yes, but not always.

Wait a minute, Charles.

Yes, she is always home
by this time.

Yes, but sometimes she isn't.

And this just happens to be
one of those times.

I'm getting dinner started
so I could use a little help
in the kitchen.

Follow me, Sailor,

and I'll let you
peel my potatoes.

[Robert] Mmm.

I'll follow you anywhere.

Uh Charles, the minute Sarah
gets home I wanna see her.

[Charles] Yes, sir.

Alright you guys, we have to
track down Sarah, okay?

Go where she hangs out,
call all her friends,

leave no stone
unturned alright?

Let's go.

Get right on it, Charles.

Adam.

My reputation with your father
is at stake here.

You're not going to find Sarah
by watching T.V.

I just did, look!

[crowd on T.V. chanting]
Heck no, we won't go.

[Jamie] Hey, that is Sarah!

[crowd chanting]

[Charles] What's she doing?

[Adam] She's getting busted.

[newscaster]

were arrested today
while protesting

the Navy's plan
to berth U.S. warships
at Staten Island.

No, no.

Shut this, there's now way
this is happening.

Shut this off.

I can't believe it.
She's protesting against
your own father's ship.

How could she do that?

You told her to.

It's our duty
and right to protest

when we think
our government is wrong.

Remember?

This is no time for you
to develop a memory, Jamie.

Lighten up, Charles.

What's the worst
that could happen?

It's happening.

Your father's in a lather,

Sarah's in the slammer,

and I'm in the dumper.

Why should I thank you?

I didn't want you
to get me out of jail, Charles.

Do not use the words
Charles and jail

in the same sentence again,
okay?

Now I told your father
that you were on
a museum field trip.

Why?
I'm proud of what I did.

Please, you cannot be proud
of protesting
your own father's ship.

Yes, I can.

If my father is on a ship
that has nuclear weapons

I have to protest against it.
You said...

Why, why does everybody
remember what I said this time?

Sarah, if your father finds out
what I said and what you did.

You'll be looking
for a new home

and I'll be looking
for a new job.

Oh, well, I don't want you
to get in trouble Charles.

[Charles] Thank you.

On the other hand,
I don't want to act
like I'm ashamed of my actions.

Fine, fine be proud
of your actions

but be inwardly proud.

Outwardly be smart

and don't wreck our lives
with your inwards.

Okay for your sake,

I wont tell him.
- Alright.

He wont find out.

Unless..
- What unless?
I hate unless.

Charles I know
where Sarah is!

She's right here in the house.

[Robert] Sarah!

[Sarah] Oh Daddy!
Oh I missed you so much.

Oh, I missed you, too, honey.

Charles it was amazing.

I was watching T.V.

Fred Flintstone was just
sliding down
the dinosaur's tail,

when they interrupted
for a special news bulletin

and I saw Sarah
getting hauled away
by the cops.

I know, I saw it.

You did?
- Yeah

Then tell me.

How does Fred Flintstone
do that without
hurting himself?

Charles,
is everything cool?

Uh yeah, I think so, Jamie.

Sarah's upstairs.
The cops let her go.

I just have
one small problem now.

Sarah said that your father
wouldn't find out unless.

Unless what?

I don't know.

She didn't finish
the sentence.

Maybe she was talking about
the T.V. interview.

What T.V. interview?

Well it was on a promo
for the late news.

Sarah was telling the reporter
that you influenced her
to protest.

Dad won't find out unless...

Unless he watches
the 11 o'clock news.

[Buddy yells]

[announcer] And now
the 11 o'clock report

with Tom Burnside
and Brenda Farrel.

[Robert] Honey,
I saw the news last week.

I haven't seen you
in four months.

Sweetheart, the children
will be asleep pretty soon

so while we wait,
we might as well
watch the news.

Hmm, alright.

[knocking]

Come in.

Hi, Dad.

I'm just dying to hear
about all the places your ship
has been lately.

Like the Persian Gulf.

Why, I'll tell you
about the Persian Gulf...

Hey, whoa whoa!
Isn't it past your bedtime, huh?

It's only noon
in the Persian Gulf.

No, you're not gonna get away
with that one.

We'll talk about it tomorrow.

Goodnight sailor.

[knocking]

Come in.

Hello Mother,
hello Father.

I was hoping you guys
were still awake.

I can't sleep.

Something bothering you, Jamie?

Yes.
A college, yeah.

See, I'm not sure
whether I should major

in Astrophysics or
Marine Biology.

Marine Biology?

Jamie, you almost flunked
science last semester

because you couldn't touch
a frog.

[Jamie] Oh yeah well,

I guess that narrows it down
to Astrophysics.

Or maybe Philosophy,

you don't have to touch frogs
in Philosophy.

You just think about 'em.

Jamie, can we talk
about this tomorrow?

Your mother and I
would really like
to watch the news.

[knocking]

[Adam and Jamie]
Come in Charles.

Hello, you two
happily married people.

I just came by to see
if you wanted
a little late night snack.

Would you like mustard or mayo?

No, thank you, Charles.

No, we really want to
watch the news.

Ah, the news.

Of course,
well come on,
young ones,

your parents really want to
watch the news.

Goodnight Mom,
night Daddy.

[Robert] Goodnight, night.
[Adam] Night Dad.

Okay, goodnight everybody.

Well okay the news is on,

since you won't be wanting
this sandwich anymore
why don't I just go down--

Oh, oh I'm sorry,
look what I did.

I pulled the plug
out of the television.

Oh and darn, I bent the plug.

I'll tell you what,
why don't I go downstairs

I'll get a pair of pliers...

[both]
No!

Charles really
it can wait till tomorrow.

Oh, okay then.

Goodnight.
[Robert] Night.

Is it always like this?

No, tonight's been
relatively quiet.

Charles, what happened?

Uh-ah,
I sabotaged their television.

Now I can go
retouch Trudy's tattoodies.

Charles,

what if Commander Powell
watches this T.V.?

No way Buddy.

If you'd been at sea
for four months

would you leave
Mrs. Powell alone?

I'd have to,
her husband's home.

It's like
talking to toothpaste.

I'm trying to watch
the late news.

My T.V. went
on the blink again.

Oh well,
that's too bad sir.

Perhaps you'd like
a sandwich instead.

No, thank you.
I'm gonna watch
the news right here.

Uh you don't want to
watch that Mr. Powell.

I saw it, it was depressing.

Oh yeah, you wouldn't believe
how depressing, sir.

It's fires, and then floods,
robberies...

Protesters.
- Strangulations.

Right and if you want to know
anything about world events,
ask me!

I can even give you
the weather forecast.

So could I.
If you don't get out of the way,

I forecast scattered bruises
with early morning pain.

[news reporter] That's the story
on the anti-nuke protest
on Staten Island.

And that's our news
for tonight.

See, you made me miss
the protest story.

I hope you're happy!
[chuckling]

Why am I lying?

I hope you're as miserable
as I am.

I'm going over to Trudy's
before anything else happens.

Now Charles,
nothing else can happen.
Un-unless...

Unless what?

... Unless Sarah
finally breaks down

and tells her dad the truth.

You know Buddy,

people often ask me
why I have you for a friend.

And I tell them
it's because

I'm not allowed to keep
chickens in the house.

No eggs for me, Charles.

I don't want to be late
for today's protest
at Staten Island.

Sarah!
Wait, are you nuts?

Charles I have to stand up
for what I believe in

and I believe in
no nuclear weapons.

Yes, yes, but we're talking
about your father's ship.

Morning.

And what a great ship it is.

Daddy,
you're wearing your uniform.

You're not leaving?

No honey, I just have to go
up to Staten Island
to check on my ship.

That is,
if I can get past
those protesters.

Daddy about those protesters,
I have a confession to make.

Now Sarah,
you don't have to confess.

Nobody will blame you
for wanting to strangle
those people.

They're lunatics,

but you must forgive them
because they don't realize

that it's your father's ship
that they're messing with.

Sarah, I didn't know you felt
so strongly about those people.

Well I do Daddy, because...

... I was one of the protesters,
I got arrested.

Excuse me.
- Hold it, Charles.

Don't you move.

Did you know about this?

Uh, about this?

Did you know my daughter
was arrested protesting my ship?

Not just your ship,
but any ship that's equipped
to carry nuclear weapons.

Then I take it,
that you're opposed
to nuclear weapons.

I hate them, they're horrible
and they're dangerous.

Only if they explode.
[laughs]

Sweetheart,
I hate them, too.

Who doesn't.

I wish
nuclear weapons didn't exist,
but unfortunately they do.

That's why
we should destroy them.

Look, as long as both sides
have the b*mb,

then neither side can use it.

Do you understand that?

No, that's not true.

Sooner or later, some maniac's
gonna push the button.

I don't believe this.

Excuse me Commander Powell,

I'm the one that encouraged
Sarah to protest so...

... this is not her fault.

This-this is all my fault.

Don't apologize,
Charles.

You said we have the right
and the duty to protest

when we disagree
with our government.

I said that?

Yes!
Did you mean it or didn't you?

Uh, yes Sarah,
I did mean it
and I still do.

It's one of the principles
behind our Constitution

and the least we can do
is stand up for that principle.

Huh, I could be wrong.

I'm probably wrong, you know
I-I-I Sarah, I'm dead wrong.

No, Charles, you're not.

I'm also a big fan
of the Constitution.

And I want my children
to always stand up
for what they believe,

even if I disagree with them.

You mean, you're not angry?

With you, sweetheart?

Never.

I'm not thrilled
with what you did,

but I am proud of you
for doing it.

Come here, come here.

Oh, what about Charles?

Hmm, oh no.
I'm not angry either.

Good,

because I have to tell you
from what I've seen,

you're a good influence
on my children.

Thank you, son.

Thank you, sir, and uh...

They're...
they're fine children,

and
they have incredible memories.

Hey everybody,
come in here, quick.

Charles,
you have got to see this.

What's going on?

Look, it's Buddy.

[news reporter]
And although the Navy
has come to am agreement

with the demonstrators
at Wadsworth Naval Base,

some protesters
are still refusing to leave.

[Buddy] And I'm certain
that I met you

at a Stop Pollution rally
last month.

Now, why don't we
get together later

and we can talk about
holes in the ozone layer.

Hey.
Hey, he's with Trudy!

That's my Trudy!

[Buddy] Excuse me,
but can I have a minute here,
please.

No, I'm trying to get
some cooperation here.

[Sarah] Now it looks like
you have to go get Buddy
out of jail.

Yeah, but first
I'm gonna give him one
to five years to think about it.

♪♪

Charles, thanks for
bailing me out of jail.

I went down there for Trudy.

You were an afterthought.

You know,
life looks different

after you've been
in the slammer.

Buddy, you were in jail
for 20 minutes, please.

- It was a grueling 20 minutes.

My cellmate was
a huge, mean biker.

I had to show him who was boss.

It wasn't pretty, Charles.

But I think it'll be a long time
before he messes with me, again.

[Charles]
Yeah.

Oh hey, Buddy.

There's some guy outside
on a motorcycle.

He told me to tell you,
that your check bounced.

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge
of our wrongs and our rights ♪

♪ And I sing ♪

♪ I want, I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge of me ♪

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪

[fanfare]