01x16 - PANTelevision/Infinity Braid

[bunniefuu]

-[♪ opening theme music playing]
-♪ StuGo ♪

♪ StuGo ♪

-♪ StuGo, StuGo, StuGo ♪
-♪ StuGo ♪

♪ StuGo ♪

[singer laughs]

♪ StuGo ♪

♪ StuGo ♪

[echoing] ♪ StuGo ♪

[enthusiastically]
Who wants some tasty bacon?

[sneezes]

All right, the bog dog got
his medicine,

but you've all been exposed
to cave dog flu.

Yeah. You kids are gonna
have to quarantine

for at least a day
to see if symptoms pop up.

Symptoms? What symptoms?

Uh, we got whimpering,
butt scoots,

eating stuff out of the trash.
You know, dog stuff.

Best to stay inside.

But I felt bad,

so I brought you
a little something to keep you ocupado.

[wheels squeaking]

It's a... It's a TV.

Why is it so thick?

Now, this isn't
a normal television.

This is Pantelevision,

the island's
own closed-circuit cable

you can't see anywhere else.

And we wanted to give
the mutants something to do,

so they don't rise up
and overthrow Lullah.

-[static]
-[male voice] The rubber bands are off,

-and we've got a rodeo going, folks!
-[crowd cheering]

[snake mutant on TV]
Welcome to Snake Reviews Rocks!

-It's hot!
-[static]

Welcome back to What Are
The Clouds Trying To Tell Us?

-Pretty groovy, huh?
-[music on TV resumes]

[chuckling] Okay, I'll be back
to check on you later.

[flamingo mutant on TV]
They're real shy today.

-[piano music continues]
-What else is there?

Okay, we're gonna be doing
a beautiful little recipe slop.

-Nice, the circles, that's it.
-[slop sloshes gently]

-[continues indistinctly]
-Okay...

Hey, look at me!
I'm the queen. [laughs]

Ow. Ow, ow, ow!
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh! Ow!

-[♪ hillbilly music playing]
-[Catapult Kevin reading]

Welcome to my travel vlog!

Let's see
where we're going today.

-[yelps]
-[music stops]

[distorted male voice reading]

-[smooches]
-[♪ romantic music playing]

-[smooching continues]
-[exclaiming in disgust]

What else is on?

[♪ Hand Holders
theme song playing]

-Whoa! [chuckling] Oh.
-[♪ theme song continues]

[exclaims softly in amazement]

Hey!

Ooh.

[female announcer reading]

[all murmuring in awe]

[indistinct conversations]

[sighs in frustration]

Frogatha J. Pickleback,

no one is ever gonna hold
your hand.

Uh, no doy!

Maybe because it's poison,
Frogatha.

-[snickers] Yeah! [snickering]
-[laughs smugly]

[nervously] Oh, hi, Bethany.

You... You look cute today.

-[engine revving]
-[gasps]

[engine revs]

Hey!

[gasps] He wants
to hold her hand!

-[others] Shh!
-Shiny!

It's Big Mitchell.

Whose hands do you think
he's gonna hold?

Oh, uh...

Hi, Big Mitchell.

Ayy!

[inquisitively] Ayy.

Uh, hands off, Frogatha!

His hand is mine.

[annoyed] Ayy...

Hey, I just wanted
to check in real quick.

[all exclaiming
and clamoring angrily]

So, how's everyone feeling,
huh? It's been 24 hours.

A whole day?

That was amazing.

[softly] I need more.

[chuckles] Yeah.

Any symptoms of dog flu?

If not,
I'll be taking this back.

Gotta catch up on my stories.

[all feigning barking
and growling]

-[barking continues]
-[grunts] Back! Stay back!

Hurry, guys.
We gotta see what happens.

[smooches] Ah!

-Okay. That's enough.
-No, no! No, wait! I need it!

What channel
was Hand Holders on?

I don't know, just keep going.

-[male voice] It's Tara's Greatest Hits!
-[dolphin squeals]

[male voice]
Featuring such songs as...

-[male voice] "Ee Ee Squee Click Ee."
-[raspy singing]

[male voice]
"Eeeeeeer Eeee aarrrrrr" Remix...

-[squealing]
-[male voice] ...and "Teeteetee Hnnnngg,"

-"Keep our names out your blowhole."
-[raspy squeal]

[male voice] Also featuring
a human sibling.

Get this beautiful two-CD
set today!

This isn't Hand Holders.
Keep going.

Now, join us as we watch the inaugural
launch of the Mutant Space Program.

Uh, uh...
are we rolling?

Uh, can you put a thing up
on the, uh, on the thing?

[mutanaut on TV] Whoo!

[shrieking] Oh! This is
a wonderful miracle!

[yelling] My final form!

Pants. They're more
than just something to obscure your fanny.

They're an art form.
That's why I invite you

to my Mastercrease Collection.

The Double Crease,
the Waffle Crease,

-Sunrise Impression.
-[distorted male voice reading]

[Muscle Mouse]
Rendezvous in Rio.

Senor despair.

What am I doing?

What is this slop show?

[sighing] Oh, this is
so hard for me.

[Catapult Kevin reading]

[♪ hillbilly instrumental
music playing]

[music stops]

[screams]

[♪ upbeat brass music playing]

[♪ electronic dance
music playing]

[female chef]
And that's the kind of golden brown sizzle

we look for in a "Chip burger."

Look at those beautiful
meat boys.

Now let's let that sizzle
while we work on dessert.

A mint chocolate "Chip" sundae.

Miss you, Chippy!

-Oh!
-Ooh!

Shut up, you guys.

It is Dogter Loola's Knews!

[grunting in effort faintly]

[grunts, pants faintly]

[seagull squawks distantly]

[muffled] Good morning, a... zero percent
of our... [continues indistinctly]

[squawking]

[in sing-song voice,
stammering] ♪ Please ♪

[sings off key] ♪ Send help!
There's a monster in here ♪

-♪ That can only be placated ♪
-[♪ upbeat music playing]

♪ With [stammering] dancing! ♪

[breathing raggedly]

[prolonged] Ayy!

Ooh, ooh, ooh!
Stop! There it is!

Ayy...

You want to hold my hand?

But my hand is poisonous.

And it has
a tragic backstory!

My friend
who I've known longer than anybody else,

I treasure every moment
with you.

[slimy touch]

-[EKG flatlining]
-They died from hand poisoning.

-[♪ sad piano music playing]
-Frogatha, I'm sorry about your friend.

-Thanks, Dad.
-[slimy touch]

[EKG flatlining]

[sobbing]
I gotta get out of here!

[EKG flatlining]

-[flatlining continues]
-Oh, dang.

Eh, ayy.

Okay. But this...

this could be
the last hand you ever hold.

♪ I want to hold your hand ♪

[female announcer reading]

-[groaning] Oh, come on!
-Oh, come on!

Firstly, the fact that they
are making us wait is a crime,

and I'm going to sue.

Secondly, I cannot believe
this is finally happening for Frogatha!

[others] Yay!

Well, sounding good in here.

Allow me to join you
in saying, "yay,"

because I can finally take
the TV back.

[laughs nervously]
We weren't saying, "Yay!"

We... We were saying
that thing all... all dogs say.

"Yarf"?

-Oh, yeah. Of course. Yarf, yarf.
-Oh, yeah! Of course. Yarf.

Ooh, I do
constantly say "yarf."

Nah, but you'd all be well
into the trash-eating phase by this point.

[flies buzzing]

[all stammering nervously]

I'm taking that TV.

[all gobbling
and munching viciously]

Holy yarf! It's worse
than I thought!

I'll see if I can get you
some medicine!

-[gobbling continues]
-Oh! And pick up some

of that double-chip
mint ice-cream while you're at it.

[Sara] Yeah,
chop-chop! Go get it! I want three scoops!

-[Merian whooping]
-Hmm.

Whew! Okay, he's gone! [gulps]

Come on, let's see
what else is on!

-Whoo-hoo! Yeah!
-Yeah. We got to get back at it.

[♪ upbeat brass music playing]

The baby...

[distorted] What else
haven't they told us?

[grunts in effort]

[strains]

-[grunts]
-[grunts, groans]

I believe.

[male voice singing]
♪ Stuco! ♪

[male voice chuckles]

I'm Pliby.

[audience laughs and applauds]

Larbie, as well, is here.

[audience laughs and applauds]

[audience cheers
and applauds]

-[applause continues]
-[cheering and whistling]

Francis.

-[audience cheering on TV]
-Oh. That's what that was for?

♪ Could be presents ♪

♪ Could be food ♪

♪ Let's see what's coming
out of Trent's Tube ♪

[oozing]

[happy high-pitched voices]
Cranberries!

[distorted male voice reading]

Are you old?

-[♪ soft classical music playing]
-Like, old, old?

Then come live out
your waning days on...

-The Leg Farm!
-[♪ rave music playing]

Enjoy our relaxing farm areas!

The toes garden!

And reflecting pool!

For glory!

[Catapult Kevin reading]

[♪ hillbilly instrumental
music playing]

[yells]

[♪ mysterious choral
music playing]

[♪ mysterious choral music
continues playing on TV]

[gasps] What are we doing? We could be
missing the Hand Holders finale!

-Aw, let's go back.
-[all exclaiming in panic]

-[♪ romantic song playing]
-♪ Hold your hand... ♪

Yes! We didn't miss it!

-[♪ song continues]
-[breathing raggedly]

[strains]

[breathing heavily
and grunting]

-[Big Mitchell strains]
-[female singer] ♪ Oh... ♪

[shark mutant reading]

[Chip screams, muffled]

We've just received footage
of Mr. Okay

at the top
of the biggest cliff on the island,

which he was only on top of

because some kids
sent him there to get something.

Hey, [laughs sheepishly]
that's us.

One super-slippery
mint chocolate chip ice-cream.

Whoops! Whoa! Whoa, whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

We now join Mr. Okay's fall
to his death,

already in progress.

[screaming]

-[Mr. Okay continues screaming on TV]
-Oh! What have we done?

It's all our fault.

Okay, we need to clean up the evidence
before Lullah finds out. Okay?

-Mr. Okay!
-[Mr. Okay] Ahhh!

Ah, as I suspected.

You're not sick at all.

Uh... [chuckles nervously]
Yarf?

Please don't.

I hope you kids
learned something today.

Faking sick is one thing.

But taking advantage
of another's generosity?

That's just plain rude.

And because of you kids, I missed
today's episode of Scrampled Eggs.

[softly] It was a good one.

They're all good ones, Chip!

I'm taking
the TV back immediately.

But the Hand Holders finale
is on!

That's right now?

[female announcer on TV]
Back to the finale of Hand Holders.

Ayy...

[breathing heavily]

-[gasps]
-[utters nervously]

[breathing heavily]

[Big Mitchell straining] Ayy!

[exclaim nervously]

-Hmm.
-[exclaims nervously]

-[Big Mitchell straining]
-[Frogatha grunts]

-[voice trembling] Ah... Ah!
-Come on...

-[Mr. Okay] Hold it!
-[exclaims nervously]

[yelps]

[straining] Catapult Kevin!

[all groaning] No!

I do love your show, though!

Oh, yeah!

Oh, this? I call it
"the Frost Daddy."

Because this is
how my daddy looked in high school.

[scatting softly]

[grunting, scatting]

[grunting softly]

Left side.

[scatting]

I call it
the "Deserted Island."

Every hair on my head
is pulled

into the tightest ponytail
possible.

A little hard
to blink, though.

Hmm. Right side.

-Certainly!
-[shuddering, grunts]

-Wow, Chip! Your hair turned out great!
-[pants]

Mr. Okay parked his truck
on my head.

I had to build my own car jack
out of coconuts.

I haven't had food
or water in so long.

-Right side.
-Huh?

-Ahem!
-[thudding]

-Presenting the Poodle Cut. [chuckles]
-[Larry clapping] Ooh!

Thank you, thank you.
[chuckles]

I graciously accept
center stage.

Yeah, your hairstyle is the best, Sara.

Hey, could I get some of that?

I mean, I would. But this is,
like, the eye spray, not the mouth spray.

This is for eyes.

[Chip] Ew!

You didn't have
to give me a wet willy!

[Merian] I didn't!

Ahem, ahem. Ahem!
You may paint.

Wait, wait!
Pliny's not here yet.

Once Francis starts painting,

she won't stop
till she's done.

My relentless perseverance
was remarked upon at the conservatory.

[Pliny shouting] I'm here!
I'm here!

Don't worry, buddy.
I saved you a great spot, left of center.

[gasping]

Wow!

[hair swishing]

[breathily] Wow!

[laughs] I call it
"the rigatoni."

-[cheers]
-Thank you, thank you!

I was inspired by
how much I like rigatoni.

Pliny, you should
totally be center-stage.

-Oh, yeah.
-Oh, yeah. Okay.

Hey, wait!
I'm supposed to be--

[grunts]

[Larry, Merian and Chip exclaiming in awe]

[whimpering]

[whispering] Let's see
who is the star.

I begin.

[grunting in distress]

[yelling] Wait! Don't start!

My poodle cut was just a...
a warm-up. [pants]

I've got something
much better coming.

She can't hear you, Sara.

[softly] Francis has entered
her fugue state.

[Merian] She paints
each line meticulously from the bottom up,

like an inkjet printer.

[inkjet printer whirring]

[Merian] It'll be an hour
before she makes it to our ships.

-[muttering] Then I still have time.
-Uh, for what?

-[♪ dramatic beat]
-To see my barber.

[poodle whimpering]

But then, of course,
Pliny shows up with a dang rigatoni!

[groans] It was supposed
to be my day.

-Aw, honey.
-I'm just happy you could squeeze me in.

I'm sure you're
in high demand.

Yeah.

Dog Do's!
Get your Dog Do's here!

Yeah, I had to...
move some stuff around.

Poodle's too pedestrian!

I need something
with more "oomph"

if I want to rig
that topatoni!

[coughs] Okay, yeah.
Yep. [clears throat]

Which one is jumping out
at you?

No more Dog Do's! [grunts]

We need to go bigger,

and bolder. I want some
of that artsy weirdo stuff,

like when you parked
your truck on Chip's head!

-When I what?
-My hair should be a monument

to the art of barbery!

[yelling] A monument!

Oh, I think I feel
a hot Dog Do coming on.

[♪ heavy metal
instrumental music playing]

[snarls, growling]

[inkjet printer whirring]

[Sara] Ahem!

-[♪ mystical music playing]
-Presenting the "Hairamid of Giza"!

Huh?

-Whoa!
-Wow!

Wait,

Pliny, what's that
on the back of your head?

Oh, you spotted that, huh?

That's my lasagna mullet.

'Toni in the front,
lasagna in the back.

-Guys? Hairamid of Giza?
-[all exclaiming in amazement]

[Sara groans]

[♪ heavy metal music playing]

[grunting, panting]

Just in time for hair o'clock!

-[clock chimes]
-[bird cuckoos]

-Wow!
-[breathily] Wow.

Pliny, am I imagining things

or are your braids
little raviolis?

[sniffing] Even smells
like them.

[gobbling]

Some have clams.

[growling in frustration]

-[♪ heavy metal music playing]
-[mechanical buzzing]

Okay. [pants]

Are you ready
for real this time?

All aboard the hairousel!
[coughs, clears throat]

[in sing-song voice]
♪ With hair confetti finish ♪

[party blown trumpeting]

[confetti swooshing softly]

[sneezes]

Sweet Sparky Joe!

-That is real marinara! Mmm!
-[growling]

[gasping]

She's almost at the head.
I'm running out of time!

Braid!

-[creaking]
-Braid like your life depends on it!

That's all I can do.

I... I can't go any further.

I asked for
the Andromeda Galaxy!

This is just a stupid circle!

I need more!

[shrieking] More!

Every hair you have
is in this braid!

There is no more!

I must be in the center
of that painting!

[straining] I'll do anything!

Oof. Um...

Well, there is...
one... thing.

[yelling] Whatever it is,
I'll do it!

[metal cuffs clank]

Sign this waiver.
There is a considerable risk.

[Sara, impatiently]
Oh, my gosh. Just hurry up!

[Dr. Lullah]
I call it "the Large Hairstyle Collider."

It volumizes hair
by giving the person access

to all the hair
they've ever grown

-in their entire life!
-[buttons beeping]

And maybe more.

-[keys clacking]
-[machine beeps]

-[thunder cracking]
-[shuddering and grunting in distress]

-[continuous shuddering and grunting]
-[laughing maniacally]

[howling]

[machine powers down]

[♪ dramatic and tense
music playing]

[triumphantly] A-ha!

[energy pulsating]

[grunts groggily]
What did you do to me?

I've accessed
not just all your past hair,

but all the hair all of your ancestors
have ever grown for all time.

A temporal hair tunnel, leading to
the very origins of hair on earth!

-Wait, what?
-I'm going in!

[hair tunnel whirs]

[footsteps receding]

You signed the waiver.

[footsteps approaching]

-[baby mammoth trumpets]
-Yee-haw!

They said there was no practical
application for the Infinity Braid.

But look who has
a baby mammoth!

We're done here. Release her.

Wait, you...
you never said... [gasps]

Hang on.

I am feeling this. Oh! [gasps]

Behold what science
hath wrought.

-Oh, my gosh!
-What... is... that?

[gasping audibly]

[choking]

The depth!

I've never seen
a tube that deep.

It's like
an infinite rigatoni.

An "infinitoni."

Sara, you should take center spot.

-Okay.
-[grunts, thuds]

[humming tune]

[exhales sharply] I hope
I made it in time.

Don't worry.
She still has to paint the heads.

-Hey, mind if I pop in for a quick look?
-Go nuts.

[hair portal whirs]

[chuckling] Whoa!

[echoing] Hello!

[chuckles] Neat.

[past Chip] Hey, could I get
some of that?

[past Merian] I mean,
I would, but...

-[continues indistinctly]
-[Larry] Whoa! It's this morning!

[past Merian]
...not the mouth spray.

This is for eyes.

Is this real?

[sucking]

Ew!

You didn't have to give me
a wet willy.

I didn't!

[giggles] Neat.

-[rumbling]
-Wha-- [exclaiming in distress]

[Larry whimpering, screaming]

-[grunts]
-Larry, what is it? What's wrong?

[Larry] Something's coming out
of the portal!

-[trumpeting]
-[all scream]

[Chip] It's a great big mammoth!

[all continue screaming]

Stop! Everyone! [straining]
We need to finish the painting.

[mammoth trumpets]

[inhales]

[screams]

[both] Larry!

[grunts] No, no, no!
Not again!

-[trumpeting angrily]
-[screaming]

[pops]

[speaking indistinctly]

-[exclaims in panic] I'm out of here!
-Pliny, wait!

[shrieking]
What about the painting?

Okay, uh, well, if the painting
means that much to you, Sara,

[slurping]

[screaming]

-Just let her have the sauce.
-[screaming continues]

[shouting] What if she
doesn't stop with the sauce?

Argh! Oh...

Fine! I'll star
in this painting without any of you!

-[Francis] Finished.
-[gasps]

Ooh, ooh! Let me see!
Let me see!

Oh...

I ruined everything.

-You sure did.
-Oh...

If I get everyone back,
will you paint another one?

No, I don't think
I'll ever paint again.

[sighing in despair]

You're right, Mama.
It is time to fix this.

-[mammoth trumpeting]
-[Dr. Lullah] Stop! You're k*lling me!

[screams]

-[laughing hysterically, whoops]
-[trumpeting angrily]

Fine, you win.

Mr. Okay, release the calf.

[sighing grunt]

-[trumpets]
-[trumpets happily]

What a waste
of a perfectly good baby mammoth.

[gasps] What are you doing?

I'm gonna fix the past.

So, eat eggs, Lullah!

[portal energy pulsating]

Oh, boy. Some birthday
this turned out to be.

-It's your birthday?
-[portal whirring]

[chuckles loftily]
Wait till they get a load of this hair.

[power surging]

[both screaming]

Sara, [pants] I'm you from the future

but I inverted myself
to my own quantum rigatoni.

-I understand.
-[gulps] This is us

if we continue down this path.

Awesome!

Yes, but it wasn't worth it!

We were the stars
of the painting,

but only because we had
no friends left.

Plus, I had to destroy
the universe.

Oh. I like the universe,
[softly] and our friends.

[whispering] I am glad
you understand.

[clears throat] I'll go explain everything
to our secret hidden twin.

[Sara's voice] Don't bother.

I've been here the whole time.

-[both] Oh, yeah!
-Yeah!

-Oh, that was a good one.
-[all chanting] Sara! Sara!

-[chanting] Sara! Sara!
-Now, come on,

let's shave your head so you match.

Ah, there you are.

Wow! Interesting hair.

Maybe Sara should take center, guys.

Don't move! [nervously]
Uh, yeah...

I... I don't want
to mess up Francis' painting.

[clears throat]
Or the universe.

[clears throat]
Uh, yeah, me neither.

Take it away, Francis, my buddy.

The artist starts
when they're ready.

Okay, I'm ready.

[inkjet printer processing]

[♪ theme music playing]