01x01 - Schweres Erbe

[bunniefuu]

So, what did her in?

The cigs or the alcohol?

Most likely both.

Requiescat in pace.

Not as honorable as in battle,

But indeed a
pleasant way to die.

Hmm, there's other ways.
- You don't say.

Mammoth.
- Shh, it's starting!

What kind of jokesters are you?

We are the ghosts of
the House Donnerhall.

I am the ghost of your
great-great-great-grandmother.

Delighted to finally
make your- Ghosts?

I knew it.

You never let me sleep in peace.

The constant rattlin'
an' flickerin'!

Oh, when I get you.

Thank God.
- Yes, she would not have corresponded well with us.

You can't choose your relatives.

Maybe we should say
some nice words anyway.

I could enrich this memorable
moment with a requiem.

I'll take her quarters.
- Typical Roman, you have to occupy everything. I get her room.

A little more respect.

After all, she was the last
living member of my noble house.

I am entitled to the room.

Guys!

Someone just passed away.

Yes, of course.
- Rock, paper, scissors for the room?

- Rock, paper, scissors.
- sh*t.

Rock, paper, scissors.

Rock, paper, scissors.

Ha! Victoria!

If I have to do another
apartment viewing,

I'm gonna go crazy.

Felix, this has to work out,
it has to. Do you understand?

Charm cannons locked and loaded.

Target acquired.
- Attack.

Perfect credit score,

We don't have any
pets. And no children.

And we have a very good salary.

87 applications. Who's supposed
to find an apartment like this?

We still have a chance
of one in eighty-seven.

♪ Phone rings ♪

Huh. Küper?

What?

Subtitle: WDR mediagroup GmbH on behalf of WDR
translation: rovermcfly beta reader: average-imperfection

And here, all the way in the
bottom corner, that's you.

The correct term would
be 3rd degree step-niece.

No, great-cousin-in-law. Or...

Something-in-law.

The point is, Mrs. von Donnerhall
had no direct relatives left.

You are the only one.

The sole heir.

If this is supposed to be a
joke, I don't find it funny.

It is not.

This property now
belongs to you.

It even has its own lake.

Small horse.
- Knight.

Knight.

Hop, hop.

Checkmate.

No, Urs. We're playing
by Russian rules.

So you can't make that move.

What is Russian rules?

I told you, at the
beginning. Didn't you listen?

When Cinderella's shoe fit,
she had to marry the prince.

Although she thought he stank
like a half-decayed raccoon.

When Cinderella told
him that one day,

she was put on the
pyre and burned alive.

But her ghost swore revenge
and k*lled the prince.

And the courtier and the
stepsisters and the fairy godmother.

With a hammer.

Everyone. She k*lled everyone.

And they all lived
happily ever after.

Thank you so much Griet,
that had a... personal touch?

There's nothing like a beautiful
fairy tale with a happy ending.

I am confused. How was the ghost
able to k*ll all these people?

With hatred.

Okay, let's continue
with the program.

Joachim already signed up
to tell jokes tomorrow..

I've got some that I'll need to see your
IDs for first, if you know what I mean.

You always understand what he means.
- Let's move on to the next point.

Miscellaneous. Who's
got something? Me.

Since I moved into
the new room...

That you-

That I won fair and square in a
game of rock, papyrus, scissors

...I've been
deprived of my sleep.

Because you, Adelheid, are sleepwalking and
screaming in the middle of the night like a maniac.

I beg your pardon! That
is a malicious lie!

Adelheid?

Adelheid?

Hans?

Hans, what...

With respect, she has been doing that all her life.
- All her death, you mean.

I'm a light sleeper.
Like any good warrior.

Ohh, perhaps the down pillows are
too hard for the gentleman as well?

I will not be mocked.

She disturbs all of
our night's sleep.

I can do whatever I
wish. It's my house.

I was here long before you, Adelheid.
- In a Roman encampment.

That's completely different.
- Exactly, there were no windows.

Do you think you can
water ski on our lake?

I don't know, we will... sea.

Come on, that was a good one.

Yeah, it was. Yes,
it was a good one.

Hey, you know what
I was thinking?

Instead of renting out
a few rooms on Airbnb,

How about we convert the
entire house into a hotel.

Woah, yes! One of
those haunted hotels.

No, like, a real hotel.

Oh, right. Yeah, sure!

A private lake!
- Freaking awesome!

We all live here together.

So, let's find a compromise.

Couldn't you jump
before bedtime?

There. Box. With wheels.

Smoke pipe. Vroom, vroom. There.

Who that?

Judging by the
car, average Joes.

Probably severely underinsured.

I would have talked them into quite
the package back then, let me tell you.

Gouge out both my eyes,

for never again will they
behold such enchanting beauty.

My God, this is amazing!

Whoah.

Do you know what starts exactly
like this? Horror movies.

A young, extremely
handsome couple

Moves into an old mansion
with some crazy history.

They are completely blown
away, a dream come true.

Inexplicable
phenomena, noises, apparitions.

At first they laugh about
it, but not for long.

And the man always dies first.

My God.

Oh, my God.

It's incredible!

It's a real fairytale castle.

Our fairytale castle.
All to ourselves.

What did this person say?

May I, Lady von Donnerhall?
- With pleasure.

Maybe she's related to you,
Adelheid? Wouldn't that be great?

Humbug. She can't be
related to me. Look at her.

She dresses like one of...

...of low status.

Wow.

So many books.

We could sell them, they're
probably really valuable.

Philistine. You don't offer a
collection like this for sale.

Great idea.

On the other hand...
Who needs books?

Wow.
- Sick.

Why does she keep saying "Wau"?

Like a dog.

We should give them a chance.

Don't they seem nice.

Wow, there's fish in the pond!

Ah!

Everything OK?
- It's fine, it's fine.

Dude, those are some whoppers.

They didn't do it on purpose.

They seem really sweet.

And we have more
than enough space.

I'm telling you, this will
be the sickest hotel ever.

What is hotel?

Urs, a hotel is...

Make dead. Both.

I hear your suggestion, and I
understand the impulse, but...

Should we really do that?

Violence is never the answer.
- Violence is always the answer.

Rome did not hug its
way to an empire.

I also plead that
we end their lives.

Well, her life, not his.

Let's gather some ideas, and then
we can return to the first one.

Okay, let's return. I'm already here.
- Yes. Make dead.

I have another idea.

And please consider it for
a moment before you say no.

We are ghosts, after all.

We could... haunt.

Ah!

You scared me.

Uh, coffee?
- Mh. You're a hero.

How was the first
night as a feudal lady?

I slept like a baby.

And you? Any apparitions?

No. I've never had
such a quiet night.

I hereby declare this house
officially haunt-free.

Hear, hear.

Claudius?

Claudius, we must
protect our house.

Amat victoria curam.

Victories love preparation.

Before we go into battle,

We should gather our
offensive capabilities.

Urs.
- Yea.

Oh.

Perfect. Griet.

When I walk through
people, it smells,

like they're right inside
the fiery pits of hell.

Excellent, very scary.

Last but not least, we come to our
most dangerous weapon. Joachim.

Oh, well...
- Yes, show off your skill.

- Come on, show it.
- Please, go ahead.

Well, if you
insist, I mean sure.

Gimme a sec. It's harder when someone's watching.
- Focus.

Bravo. Bravo.

Bravo. I also
have a suggestion.

We could ask the terrifying little
girl from the attic for help.

Oh, that's not necessary.
- That is not necessary.

We should save that option
in case all else fails.

As the absolute ultima ratio, as it were.
- Yeah.

Good. Let the haunting begin!

We used to sound
trumpets at such moments.

Felix!

The water is freezing!

Friedrich, privacy. We
discussed it, remember?

I didn't
lay eyes on anything.

Yeah, yeah. Is she coming?
- Um...

Well, now you can check.

She's coming. She's coming!

Urs, fiat lux.

The light.
- Oh, yea.

Griet? Griet?

Griet, now you.

Forward with courageous steps.

Ugh, so musty.

Better.

Joachim, age quod agis.

It's your turn. Go on.

It's so much bigger than the cup.
- Great.

Poems will be written about you.

Why did we decide
against k*lling again?

Let's whip this old
thing back into shape.

I like your dirty talk.

Pose. Pose. Pose.

Our beloved chateau will
degenerate into a brothel.

You think so? I
would be in heaven.

I did stupid.
- No, Urs.

Just because at first
you don't succeed,

you don't have give up.

Correct, Svenni. We lost
the battle, not the w*r.

Urs, follow me.

It shouldn't look like a
lapsus, like happenstance.

It has to look like
evil forces are at play.

Ah!

Emma?
- Lapsus?

More like exitus.

Emma? Emma?

Emma, ​​can you hear
me? Come on. Emma?

Hey, hey, Emma.

Can you hear me? Can
you hear me, Emma?

Emma.

Emma, ​​can you hear me?

Hey. Hey, hey. It'll
all be okay, Emma.

It'll all be okay.
Can you hear me?

Emma? Emma, ​​can you hear me?

Emma, ​​can you hear me? Emma?

Bad conscience now.

Oh, that's what we call
light collateral damage.

They won't be back anytime soon.

And we finally have our
well-deserved peace and quiet again.

Hans? Hans, what...

This is humbug.

What's supposed to be helpful
about talking about my feelings?

What we don't process during
the day, we process at night.

I don't know what the
point of this is either.

Claudius, you told
me, that every time,

just before she jumps,
Adelheid says "Hans, Hans."

Indeed. Very loudly.

Wasn't that the name
of your husband?

Yes, and?

I don't see how that's
supposed to be connected.

Is it possible that maybe
you miss him, Adelheid? Hmm?

Miss him? Miss him?

I miss my dog ​​Poldi.

I miss my rose garden.

And I miss my favorite slippers

made of cuddly rabbit fur.

And I miss those things 1,000 times
more than I miss this wretched monster!

I think we are making
great progress.

Hans?

Hans, what...

For f*ck's sake. Language!

Ugh, hospital food, man.

At least you get room service.
- 5 stars.

I'm glad you're not dead.

Although the doctors said it
was pretty close, didn't they?

Come on, let's go home.
- Felix, I have to get dressed first.

Uh, yeah, sure.
Sorry. Of course.

Here.

And here.
- What's up with you?

Nothing, everything's
fine. I'm just so happy.

Yay.

Okay.

Hop. Mate.
- No.

Russian rules.
- This time we're playing by regular rules.

Urs, didn't listen again?

By Caesar's warts. Look.

Thank you for taking such
good care of everything.

Yes, of course.

I've been thinking a
lot at the hospital.

Let's not rush into anything.

We'll take time to decide

What we want to
do with the house.

Yes. Totally.

And we should also
consult someone,

because everything has to
be really well planned.

Yeah.

Hey, I gotta confess something.

While you were at the hospital,
I took out a few loans.

That means I'm
heavily in debt now.

And the renovations are much bigger
and more expensive than we thought,

and start today.

I wanted to surprise you.

Yes, it's certainly a surprise.

I'll let you process this.

You're Mr. Pitt? Then let's
get started right away.

I already started
on the second floor.

Why are all these menials
coming into our house?

They've brought reinforcements.

Urs don't like.

I'll go and check
out those guys.

That's not what I meant.
This is a black hole.

Please, tell your people,
not to drill a single hole,

until I had a talk
with my boyfriend.

Ah.

Felix. Sorry, I just need to talk
to my boyfriend alone real quick.

And I already told your boss,
nothing's gonna happen here.

My boss?
- Downstairs.

Felix. What the f*ck?

We're building our own hotel.

But it's going way too fast.

Sure, we're going in headfirst.

And it will be a lot of work.

A lot of work. A
lot, a lot of work.

Then the unbearable financial pressure
and the strain on our relationship.

But that's what we've always
dreamed of. Our own home.

And we have each other.

Hello.