02x16 - Mama Mia

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

♪ The new boy
in the neighborhood ♪

♪ lives downstairs
and it's understood ♪

♪ He's there just to take
good care of me ♪

♪ like he's one
of the family ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ and I sing, I want ♪

♪ Charles in charge of me ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ and I sing, I want ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪♪

♪♪

But, Mom, everybody says
it's a really good movie!

Yeah, everybody!

All my friends have seen it.
I hear it's very...

educational.

Jamie, the critics have used
words like "Horrible," "Gross,"

"Terrifying," and "Yuck,"
but never "Educational."

Alright,
I'll see you all later.

Charles, have you seen
"The Animal?"

You mean Adam? Yeah,
he's playing in the front yard.

No, not Adam.
The movie, "The Animal."

Oh! That animal, yeah, yeah,
I saw it last week.

Was it educational?

Well, it could be.

If you wanna learn
how to use a chain saw...

on your friends.

You see?
It's an R-rated movie,

and you can't go unless
accompanied by an adult,

and that is not
gonna happen.

Yeah, plus, that movie'll give
you nightmares for a month.

Thanks a lot, Charles.

Come on, I need your
girls' help in the kitchen.

I wanna make sure
that dinner is ready,

when Charles' mother
gets here.

No, wait, Mrs. Powell,

I-I'm taking my mom
out to dinner.

She's expecting me
to pick her up at the hotel.

Oh, well, Charles, there's
been a change of plans.

You see, your mother phoned,

and said that you
invited her to dinner,

so of course, I assumed
that you meant here,

and I said
we'd love to have her,

and she said
she'd love to come.

I'll have to call her and
tell her there was a mistake.

Charles, we didn't get
to meet your mother
the last time she was in town.

We would love
to meet her this time.

- Meet who?
- Charles' mother.

We invited her to dinner.
I told you, Dad.

Wouldn't you like to slip
into something a little less,

comfortable.

I didn't know
it was gonna be formal.

See, my mom wouldn't wanna
cause all this trouble.

It is no trouble, Charles.

[doorbell rings]

Doorbell.

- Mom!
- Oh, there's my baby boy! Oh!

- Come on in!
- Oh, you sweetheart!

I want you to meet everybody.

Oh, hello!
You must be Ellen!

What a pretty lady!

Oh, well thank you,
and obviously you're...

Just call me Lillian.

You must be Wally.

Just call me Walter.

Is this a face, huh?

Mom, not in front
of the Powells.

Here, Lillian, come on in.
Let me take your things.

I am so glad
that you could come.

I was beginning to think
that you didn't exist.

Oh, so was I, but you know,
I knew my baby boy was busy.

Going to college and
working himself half to death.

Honey, your hair
is standing straight up.

Girls, come on in
and meet Charles' mother.

- Hi.
- Hello, Mrs...

Uh! Just call me Aunt Lillian.

Okay, hi, Aunt Lillian.

Oh, Mom, the roast
is about done.

Oh, thank you.
Everybody, please sit down,

and make yourself comfortable
and excuse me.

Well, let me see,
I bet, uh,

you're Jamie and you're Sarah.

Right!
How'd you know?

Your Aunt Lillian
knows everything.

Uh! Uh!

Don't tell me,
you're Adam!

Okay, I won't.
I promise.

[laughing] Don't worry,
Adam, this is my mom.

You just call me Aunt Lillian.

Hey, scuz, you better go
wash up for dinner.

Come here, Adam.
I wanna talk to you.

No, Mom, he's gotta
wash up for dinner.

This, coming from a boy,

who once went three weeks
without taking a bath?

- Really?
- Mom.

Come on, sure,
he was nine years old.

I noticed he was turning
prematurely grey.

Not his hair, just his body.

Every night he was
filling the bathtub,

and draining the bathtub.

What he wasn't bothering to do
was get into the bathtub.

I can't believe you'd do that.

Yeah, Charles,
how could you?

I came from a bad family.

He came from a wonderful
family. He's a mutant,

but I love him anyway.

Don't I, Doodlebug?

Doodlebug?

Oh, yeah.
I always call him Doodlebug.

Doodlebug!

That's so cute!

I've never pictured Charles
as a little boy before.

Well, he's still
my little boy.

Adam,

I think you should go
get washed for dinner.

Okay, Aunt Lillian.

Hold it, Adam.

I think you should go
get washed for dinner.

Okay,

Doodlebug!

I'll tell you,
when Charles was Adam's age,

I thought he was brain dead.

No. I couldn't even send him
to the grocery store.

By the time he got there,
he forgot what I sent him for,

but he turned out alright.

He certainly did.
You must be very proud of him.

Oh, yeah, I'm very proud.

I look at him now,
I see an independent, mature,

intelligent, grown man.

Eat your green beans
or you don't get any dessert.

You're too thin!
He's too thin!

He eats, Lillian, believe me.
He eats more than I do.

Well, how come he's so skinny,
and you're so...

...so un-skinny?

I'm just naturally
better built.

I had 35 years
in the United States Navy.

Really?

Oh, when I first met
my late, darling husband,

he was in the Army.

Sorry to hear that.
Excuse me.

Uh, he meant that it must have
been very difficult for you
losing your husband.

Oh, Ellen, I didn't lose him.
He's right here.

Yeah, my mom
doesn't accept grief.

You know,
when I was a little kid,

she used to tear out
the last page,

to every sad book I owned
and wrote all new endings.

- Really? Like what?
- Yeah, well,

like in my copy
of "Gone with the Wind,"

Rhett goes back to Scarlett,

and they open a southern
fried chicken restaurant.

But, why did Rhett
go back to Scarlett?

Frankly, my dear,
he did give a damn.

Call me crazy,
I love a happy ending.

Hi!

- Hey, Aunt Lillian!
- Oh, Buddy, sweetheart!

No, no, no, no, no.
Please, don't squeeze my face.

I just shaved,
and I lost a lot of blood.

GIve me a hug.

I just came down
to drag Charles to Sid's,

but I can see he's busy.

Oh, no, he's not busy.
Go play with your friends.

It'll give me a chance
to talk to this lovely family.

Talk?

About what?

Charles, sweetheart,
I wouldn't embarrass you.

Have I ever embarrassed you?

Is this a face, huh?

Isn't he?

Bye.

[imitating Lillian]
Is this a face?

What're you so bugged about,
Charles?

Your mom's only gonna be here
for five days.

Besides, I love her!

I think she's a real kick
in the pants.

I love her, too, Buddy,

but mine are the pants
she's kick in the.

Charles, that's what
mothers are for,

to nurture you
when you're young,

and humiliate you
when you grow up.

She won't let me grow up.
Every time she's around,

I feel like
I'm these many years old.

Six, Buddy.

Charles, look, you're never
gonna get respect from someone
who's changed your diapers.

They've seen your
shortcomings.

Charles, you have to
forget about that,

and get back to the
important things in life.

For instance, I got us invited
to a great sorority party
tomorrow night.

Oh...

I can't go tomorrow night.
The Powells are going out.

I gotta watch
the kids tomorrow.

You're on kind of, uh,
a reverse roll, aren't you?

I know, that's why
I come to Sid's.

This is the only place I can
come to and regroup my forces.

- Yeah.
- I mean, as we're
speaking, Buddy,

my batteries are recharging,
you know?

Charles, there's
available women in here.

I-I-I can feel it.

They're... They're...
They're right...

Wait, wait a minute.
Right... right there!

Beam me up, Scotty.

[Scottish accent]
She needs more power!

Let's do it!

Oh, Patti!

Boy, am I glad to see you!
You know...

You're one of the few women
who'll believe what I'm
about to tell you.

You're probably
the only woman,

who'll believe
what he's about to tell you.

I see what you mean, Charles.
Sid's is our place.

That's right, Buddy.
When we come here,

nothing can go wrong.

You didn't used to
like blondes.

Hi!

We brought Aunt Lillian down

to show her
where you hang out.

We're not gonna stay long.
We didn't come to spy.

Okay.

I can't help it.

Look at this face!

Hey, Bonnie Carver's sister
is 18.

She could take us to see
an R-rated movie!

But, Mom said we couldn't go.

No, she said we couldn't
get in unless we were
accompanied by an adult,

and she said that's
not gonna happen,

but it could happen.

If you go,
you'll have to take me.

[sigh]

You guys are dawdling again.

Come on, let's put
these dishes away.

Adam, eat your vegetables.

You never ate
all your vegetables.

I've eaten plenty
of vegetables in my time.

Not according to your mother!

Look, Adam, I don't need this.

I was invited to a
very hot party tonight,

and I didn't pass it up
just to watch you
not eat lima beans.

Oh, that's telling him,
Doodlebug!

[sarcastic laughter]

Okay, you laughed it out now?

Alright, let's drop
the Doodlebug stuff.

Your mom's gone,
I'm in charge.

Now, I'm the adult.

You're the children.
Got it?

Hey, Charles is an adult!

He can take us
to see the movie!

What movie?

Oh! Oh!
I get it.

Now that your mom is gone,

I'll take you
to see "The Animal."

In a pig's eye you will!

You're not gonna take
my grandchildren
to see that movie.

You wanna scar 'em for life?

No, sir, but I've thought
about bruising them
for a few days.

- What?
- I'm kidding, sir.

I have no intention of taking
them to see that movie.

Oh, that's more like it.

If everything's
squared away here,

I'm off to my poker game.
I'll see you later, huh.

- Okay.
- [kids] Bye-bye, Grandpa!

Alright, let's put
these dishes away.

Hello!

Let's put these dishes away!
Come on!

It's like
"Night of the Living Dead."

Let's go! Move it!

Hey, Charles!
You're saved!

Hallelujah.

Hi, ya kids!

[kids] Hi, Aunt Lillian!

[giggling] Hi. Oh.

Hello, handsome.

Oh, look at that skin,
that hair, what a beauty.

Jamie, I'd k*ll
for those eyelashes.

Mom, what're you doing here?

Did ya hear that?

Does he say he's glad
to see me?

Come, give Mommy that kiss!

Charles, sweetheart,
Buddy called me and told me,

there was an important party
you wanted to go to.

You go ahead and go.

I'll take care
of the children.

Oh, Mom, I couldn't let you
do that because...

- [kids] Yes, you can! Yes!
- ...the children need me.

Come on, Charles,
Aunt Lillian wants to help,

and it's your duty to let her.

Yeah, go ahead, Charles.
Mom won't mind.

- She likes Aunt Lillian.
- So do we!

- Well, I-I guess I...
- Oh, Charles, go ahead.

It'll be fine.

Mom. Mom.

I really hate it
when you do that.

I forgot.
You're a grown up.

[laughing]
Alright, let's go, Buddy.

Don't forget
to take your jacket.

Okay.

So,

what would you
like to do tonight?

There's a really good movie
playing downtown.

Would you take us?

You got it!
Come on!

Nice!

And then, Camille
began to cough,

and cough and cough
and cough and cough,

and then the
cough medicine kicked in.

Her sore throat went away.

She jumped out of bed
into her lover's arms.

She quit smoking.

She began to jog.

They lived happily ever after.

- Hi.
- Oh, Doodlebug! Sweetheart!

- How was your evening?
- Oh, it was great.

- How was your evening, Sarah?
- Terrific!

Aunt Lillian was just telling
me the real story of Camille.

Oh, yeah, she quit smoking.
That's great.

Shouldn't you get ready
for bed?

Do I have to, Aunt Lillian?

Oh, I don't think it would be
such a bad idea, honey.

Okay.

- Goodnight!
- Goodnight, sweetie.

So, Charles,
how was your date?

Nice girl, Mom.

High moral standards.

She wants to be a nun.

Charles, your nose is growing.

Oh, what a night.

Oh, hi, Lillian!

- Ellen, you work this late?
- I'm afraid so.

Well, Charles,
how is everything?

Oh, good, uh, I went out
tonight, Mrs. Powell,

but my mom took care
of the kids.

Oh, Lillian,
that is so sweet of you.

I tell you what.
I am starving.

Why don't I fix us all
a late night snack?

- Only if I can help.
- Great!

Charles,

come here, now,
you just sit down and relax.

You are in deep trouble.

Earlier this evening
I stopped at a red light,

right in front of the theater,

that was showing that movie,
"The Animal."

Guess who I saw?

My little grandchildren
coming out of that theater!

- Tonight?
- Yes!

They went to see
that movie tonight?

Oh, don't play innocent
with me.

Did you happen to see
who was with them, Mr. Powell?

Yeah, well, the light changed
before I actually saw you,

but I know it was you
who took them to that movie,

and don't deny it!

No, sir, I won't.

I don't know
what Ellen's gonna think
when I tell her this.

I almost hate to tell her.

She trusted you, Charles.

[sigh]

Charles, sweetheart, Ellen
was gonna make you a sandwich,

but I told her you'd have
hot cereal instead, right?

Mom, how could you do it?

Okay, I was wrong.
You'll have the sandwich.

No, Ma, you come
into this house...

You come into this house,
and the kids don't respect me,

Mr. Powell is mad at me,

Mrs. Powell is gonna be
mad at me.

Hey, I'm getting a little
ticked off at you myself.

No, Mom.

Y-Y-You've undermined
my authority.

You've embarrassed me
in front of an entire family,

and if you hadn't
been here tonight,

I wouldn't have this problem
with Mr. Powell.

- What have I done
that's so wrong?
- Everything!

Mom, Mr. Powell knows
where those kids went tonight,

and he thinks I did it.

- Oh, that's easy to explain.
- How could you take
those kids to that movie, Ma?

- How could you do that to me?
- I can explain, I...

I don't really think
you're really interested in,

listening to my answer.

Maybe I oughta
just go back to the hotel.

Maybe you should.

- You think I should be
out of your life.
- I didn't say that.

I'm your mother.

I never hear what you say.

I only hear what you mean.

Mom, wait...

For what, Charles?

If this was a book,
I could change the ending.

I hate to admit it,

but real life doesn't always
have happy endings.

♪♪

Charles, why don't you
just go back to the hotel,

and talk to your mom?

I tried that, Buddy.
She wouldn't come to the door.

When I tried to get her
on the phone,

the hotel operator
answered the phone.

She asked who it was.
I said, "Charles."

She said, "Forget it.

Why would a mother
want to talk to a son
that treats her like dirt?"

If I were you, I'd go back
to the hotel and crawl,

beg for her forgiveness.
Tell her you're sorry.

What for?

What do I care what a
hotel operator thinks?

I'm talking about your mother.
Snap out of it!

[sigh] Alright.
Suppose I do find her,

what am I supposed to say
to her, Buddy, huh?

"Mom, I'm sorry,

that I got upset because you
undermined my authority,

destroyed my credibility,

and then took the kids
I was supposed to watch
to a slasher movie,

which will probably
get me fired.

Ah, gee, Mom,
could you ever forgive me?"

Come on, Charles,
you don't really think,

that Mr. Powell's
gonna get you fired, do you?

I don't know.
I haven't seen him yet, today.

When I woke up,
the house was empty.

You know, I bet they moved
just to get away from me.

You are losing it.
Come on,

try forgetting your problems.
Try having a little fun.

I may never have fun again.

Oh, I think you're
about to change your mind.

Oh, forget it, my mommy
won't let me play with girls.

This is Sid's, remember?
This is our playground.

- Your mother isn't here!
- Oh, yes she is, Buddy.

You may not be able
to see her,

but she is definitely here.

Consider, if you will,
Charles,

the average American
college student,

who, believing his mother
was in every pizza he ordered,

slipped quietly into
"The Twilight Zone."

♪♪

[doorbell rings]

Oh, Lillian, come in.

Hi, i was here earlier,
but no one was home.

Yes, well, I, uh,
don't know where Charles is.

That's okay, you're the one
I wanna talk to.

- Oh?
- Yeah.

If you have a problem
with my son,

I'd like to hear about it.

He says he's in trouble
with you.

Now, why should that be?

Well, my problem with Charles
is purely professional.

Your problem with me
is purely personal.

Oh, I don't have
a problem with you.

Don't count on it.

Mom. Mr. Powell.

Yeah, uh, Charles,
I wanna talk to you, um,

after your visit
with your mother, of course.

Hey, Walter.
Come back.

I told you,
I'm not here to visit.

I wanna talk to you
about last night.

Mom, don't.
I can take care of myself.

You take care of yourself
on your own time.

- This is my conversation.
- Mom.

This is between me
and Mr. Powell.

I'm the one
who's responsible.

Charles is right, Lillian.

You see, I warned him
not to take the children
to that sleazy movie.

- But he didn't, Grandpa.
- Yes, I did.

- No, he didn't!
- Yes, he did!

It's all my fault.

No, it's my fault.

I conned Aunt Lillian
into taking us.

Aunt Lillian?
Where was Charles?

Well, he wanted
to go to a party,

and I wanted to babysit.
It all turned out great.

Well, why would you take
the kids to an R-rated movie?

- I didn't know it was
an R-rated movie.
- Ah...

I asked them what they
wanted to do.

They said they wanted
to go to the movie.

I said, "Which one?"
They said, "The Animal."

I figured it was a
Walt Disney nature film.

Mom, it's a slasher movie.

Didn't you notice there
were no chipmunks?

Charles,
we didn't see the movie!

- I saw you see it!
- We saw two minutes worth.

In the opening scene,
a girl walks out of the
bathroom in her underwear.

A guy with a runny face
comes from behind the door,

with a soldering iron.

The girl screams,
the kids covered their eyes,

and I hauled their buns
out of there.

That must have been
when Mr. Powell saw them
coming out of the theater.

I guess so.
We came home,

and Aunt Lillian told us
all about your childhood.

We had a lot of laughs!

I was gonna tell you, Grandpa.

I didn't want you to blame
Aunt Lillian.

I didn't.
I blamed Charles.

Oh, good.

No, no, that's not good,
Jamie.

Look,

from now on,
I want you and Sarah and Adam,

to do whatever
Charles tells you.

He's a bright, young man,
and he can teach you a lot.

After all, he was trained
by the Master.

Okay, Aunt Lillian.

Charles, I'm really sorry.

- It was all your fault, Adam!
- Yeah!

It was not!

Charles, I was wrong,
and don't let it happen again.

Appreciate what you said
to the kids.

My pleasure.

Well, I guess your problem
is solved.

Uh, Mom, hang on a second.
Let's, um...

Let's talk about our problem.

- Our problem?
- Yeah.

There's no "our" problem.

If you've got a problem with
me, I'll, I'll let you alone.

No, Ma, I don't want you
to leave me alone.

What I want is to be
what I am,

and what I am is not
a little kid.

This gonna be another lecture?

No, Mom, I-I was hoping
it could be a conversation,

between two mature people who
happen to be mother and son,

not mother and child.
Mother and son.

I knew it was gonna be
another lecture.

Sooner or later, you're
gonna have to let me go.

Charles, I can't let you go.
You're part of me.

If I let you go, it'd be like
letting myself go.

Well, then, at, at least
let me grow.

I could live with that.

So could I.

You know, Ma, I think we could
become good friends.

Good adult friends.

I'll try.

Okay, I'll do it.

But, th-th-there's just...

There's, there's something
missing.

There's a-a little, tiny
phrase I-I'm not hearing.

- Mom, I love you.
- That's the phrase!

I just couldn't sleep.
Every time I close my eyes,

I see that guy
from the horror movie.

- You know, the one with the,
- [both] runny face.

Yeah, well, that's
because you don't know
about the happy ending.

See, in the end,
the runny face turns out
to be a Halloween mask,

and the girl he was chasing
tears the mask off,

and you know who it is?

It's her long lost
wacko father.

Yeah, yeah, and, and the shock
of seeing his daughter again
restores his sanity,

and they live
happily ever after.

Thanks, Charles.
I like that ending.

- Good.
- I'm okay now.

- Then go to bed.
- Okay.

[pounding on door]

Alright.

[growling]

How ya doin', Buddy.
I'm gonna make a sandwich.

You want anything?

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our days and our nights ♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪

♪ of our wrongs
and our rights ♪

♪ and I sing ♪

♪ I want ♪

♪ I want Charles
in charge of me ♪

♪♪

♪ Charles in charge ♪♪