Melaleuca (2026)

[bunniefuu]

(WATER SPLASHES)



There is no one you need to be.

There is nothing you should be doing.

There is nowhere you need to go.



You are in a state of arrival.

The destination.



You are not lost.

You are not lost.

You are not...



(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

(ROCKING CHAIR CREAKING)

(FIRE CRACKLING)

Him. Right there.

- This guy?

- PATRICK: Mmhmm.

Takes your black piece. King me.

(ROCKING CHAIR CREAKING CONTINUES)

You know, you take out that back wall,

extend it 20 feet, open up the kitchen,

you get the marble top

island, high back stools.

Just one bathroom here?

- Yeah, just the one.

- Yeah, I figured.

Add an en-suite, lose

the Jesus fan club sh*t,

and yeah, you might

have had something here.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(WOMAN SIGHS)

I should probably check on her.

Oh, no, none of that

says, "Hey, let's chat."

What the hell is happening?

This is like actually insane.

Yeah, I never took you as

being so wet behind the ears, doc.

What the hell does that mean?

Well, I always thought it meant nave,

but I guess in this context it could al...

No! I know the expression,

but in... in what way am I being nave?

That I didn't predict the

end of the f*cking world?

Hey, hey, I get it, man.

I just guess I kind of

saw it coming, you know?

So I don't really feel like I was caught

with one foot off the curb.

Now, look, I know you

have a lot to process,

but as far as you and I are concerned,

this arrangement right now is untenable.

We need to talk next steps.

You're not gonna k*ll me, right?



WOMAN 1: (VOICE OVER) It

was said that she was unique once,

an achiever, though lately more often

described as a pariah, an outcast.

Like the melaleuca tree, she was perceived

as an invasive species, a

thing that didn't belong to...

Wait, don't pariah and

outcast mean the same thing?

(PHONE RINGING)

- Hey, girl!

- CANDICE: (ON PHONE) Misha.

How's it going?

CANDICE: (ON PHONE) I've been calling.

- Oh, you did?

- CANDICE: (ON PHONE) Yes.

I'm like horrified to check my voicemail.

It gives me total anxiety, you know?

Did you email me?

CANDICE: (ON PHONE) Many times.

Jesus, f*ck. What day is it?

I've like been totally immersed in writing.

I lost track.

MISHA: No, yeah, it...

It's coming along great.

Yeah, it's um, expanded.

CANDICE: (ON PHONE) Expanded?

MISHA: Its scope is wider.

CANDICE: (ON PHONE) Huh.

MISHA: But it... it's still

in the same story vein.

CANDICE: (ON PHONE) So first looks?

MISHA: For sure.

CANDICE: (ON PHONE) Second

book, Misha. Everyone's waiting.

MISHA: Yeah, I... I know.

I know it's a bit behind.

CANDICE: (ON PHONE) A lot.

MISHA: Okay, yeah. A bit. A lot behind.

CANDICE: (ON PHONE) We've

given you a sizable advance, Misha.

MISHA: Of course.

MISHA: No, you're right.

CANDICE: (ON PHONE) Two weeks.

MISHA: Two weeks?

For the first four?

Five chapters.

CANDICE: (ON PHONE) Is that doable?

Yeah. Yeah. No, totally, you got it.

CANDICE: (ON PHONE) Great. Can't wait.

Okay. Bye, girl.

(DROPS PHONE)

(DEEP BREATHS)

Oh my God.

Like Christ, I wish it was lice.

At least with lice you shampoo them,

you comb through their hair,

you send 'em back out, right?

This is like forced confinement.

ROBBIE: (ON VIDEO CALL)

Who is it, man? Who's the culprit?

Tell us, come on.

They just send a blanket

email saying a kid that's

in the same homeroom

as your kid has tested

positive, yada, yada, yada.

It's bullshit.

(BABY CRYING)

JAMIE: (ON VIDEO CALL) Knock it off!

They're f*cking biting each other.

It's a new game.

Dude, you don't know how

good you have it, you know?

Wait until they start

talking back, you know?

They get boners.

You pulled ahead in the

smart department, you know?

Doctor, hot wife, no kids.

Well, yeah, how's that

going, the kids thing?

(SLURPS DRINK)

JAMIE: (ON VIDEO CALL) Whoa, who

picked mango stout? f*cking horrible.

WOMAN 2: (ON TV) Oh,

really? That's wonderful news.

WOMAN 3: (ON TV) Girl, did you...

MAN 1: We uh... we talked about it.

It's... it's... it's... it's taking shape.

ROBBIE: (ON VIDEO CALL)

What the f*ck does that mean?

MAN 1: She's in the

middle of writing a novel

and it's going good.

So we just decided

it's not the best time for us is all.

We? We? Jay, are you hearing this?

Watoosh!

That is so sad. So sad.

The juice in those berries

doesn't stay fresh forever, man.

(JAMIE CHUCKLES)

JAMIE: (ON VIDEO CALL) Yeah,

you don't want to be that old dad,

at the kiddie pool.

(CHUCKLES)

MAN 1: Hey, Tux.

JAMIE: (ON VIDEO CALL) What do

you want? You need to go back to bed.

Let's go! Back to bed.

I'll be right back.

f*cking Tuxley. It's like

the worst name, right?

Hey, did Jay tell you?

Mom's uh, selling the cabin.

What?

Before the uh, real

estate agent lists it, so.

Yeah, but like dad built it.

ROBBIE: (ON VIDEO CALL) Oh,

hey, look at this dipshit realtor I found.

More like king of c*ck country.

Anyway, I got to go take a

piss. You hold down the fort.



(DOOR SHUTS)

Hello?

Meesh?

(DISHES CLATTERING)

(WATER RUNNING)

So how was your day?

Fine, great.

Hey, so my mom's selling the cabin, eh?

I was thinking it might be

cool to go back one more time

before she sells.

- Back implies having been.

- MAN 1: Right.

MAN 1: (SIGHS) That's what I meant.

I'm... I'd love for you to see

the place before it's gone.

It sort of feels like an

afterthought for Beverly

to invite me now.

MAN 1: Mom won't be

there. It'll just be you and me.

What do you think?

A little romantic working holiday?

Might be good for you,

too. Get out of the city.

Yeah. Sounds like something.

Chutney?

Yeah, it's uh...

What's that?

Don't know. It was in the hallway.

(RIPPING)

MAN 1: What is it?

MISHA: Ce's book.

(SIGHS)

"First edition of my third novel.

Can't wait for us to be book

touring the world together.

Forever and always, f*ck the d-bags

from creative writing. Love, Cece."

Okay, yeah. f*ck it. Let's go.

Awesome.

I can clear my schedule next month.

No, let's go now, tonight.

What?

I have surgeries booked.

Can't you tell Joy that...

That something came up

with your mom and we have to leave town

for a bit to help out?

Come on. Let's be spontaneous.

Let's put our knees before the knees

of everyone else.

What about your deadline?

MISHA: There's power. I

can work from there, right?

Hi, mom.

Hi, mom!(CAR DOOR SLAMS SHUT)

Ah, You're on my leg.

Um, I missed you, obviously.

Um, I just wanted to call to say Arn and I

are gonna go out of town for a bit

and he thinks there won't be

much in the way of reception.

No, there isn't.

Everything's good. Talk soon.

(CAR DRIVING PAST)



(GROANS)



(SIGHS)

Right. So it's a sh*thole.

(FOOTSTEPS)

(PAPER CRACKING)

(MUNCHES)

Sour Patch. Jelly Beans.

Ha-ha! Gutbusterz!

I haven't seen these in...

Dotte, the place hasn't changed a bit!

MAN 2: (ON RADIO)

Those first cases in Toronto...

What's that?

ARN: I said the place is

exactly as I remember it, as a kid.

Yippee.

I used to come here all the time.

Me and my brothers. Uh, Beverly's boys?

You're the one who

pissed at my ice machine!

No! No.

I was the one they locked in there.

(DELL COUGHS)

DOTTE: That it?

That's what they had.

Oh, jeez.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh, also, very random question,

but I found an old typewriter

and the ribbon's dried up.

(TYPEWRITER BELL RINGS)

(TYPING)

MISHA: (VOICE OVER) She was, it

turned out, nothing like the f*cking tree.

In fact, she was just a

woman. A very stupid woman

who'd forgotten the time-worn,

if a little overused parable,

wherever the f*ck you go, there you are.

(TIPS)

(FLICKS SHEET)

(COUGHS)

f*ck.

Yep. Yep. There you

go, a typewriter ribbon.

Huh.

DELL: We used to have a guy, writer type,

used to come in here

every morning for a coffee

and a crossword, you know, right at the end

of the counter there.

And he'd go on and on

about how he'd write things

in longhand, you know?

And then he'd complain

because they made him switch

to typing, yeah.

So now he has to go to the town

and get his ribbon and all that.

He keeps whining.

So finally, I get some for him, you know?

And damned if he doesn't

punch his ticket that same week.

(SCOFFS)

Jeez. Freaky.

Yeah. Cancer. Yeah.

They took out his bladder,

but he couldn't stand the indignity

of pissing in a bag. So

he blew his brains out.

(LAUGHS)

Yeah. Yeah, he did.

You have a nice day.



(DOOR OPENS)

- Morning!

- Morning.

ARN: Ready for the tour?

I think I took it already.

And?

It's cute.

I told you, it's a fixer-upper.

So you want to go whack some nails?

Um, I'm sort of on the

clock, so I should probably

get back to it.



(LEAVES RUSTLING)

(SQUEAKING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(MUNCHING)

(HAMMERING)

(BANJO PLAYING)

(WOOD HITTING THE GROUND)

(LEAVES CRUNCHING)

(VACUUM WHIRRING)



Still can't believe mom

is selling this place.

Oh yeah, by the way, can you stop calling

both our moms, mom?

It makes it sound like

we're siblings who f*ck.

Oh, come on! You know what I mean.

Yeah, I know what you mean,

but you know what I mean.

Let's not be those people.

15 for two.

I just loved, love this place.

Figured it'd be kept in the family.

You know, passed down

to me, Jamie, and Robbie.

Our future kids?

(FIRE CRACKLING)

Go.

15-2, 15-4, and a run of three is seven.

You don't have to count

your hand out loud, you know.

Well, that's how I was taught,

so that I don't miss any points.

ARN: Except you did.

Your jack is the same suite as the cut.

Ugh, ugh, I hate that stupid rule.

What are you doing?

You missed the point and I caught it.

It's called, "muggins".

Yeah, I know it's called, "muggins".

Nobody plays that way.

If you were in a crib tournament,

that's the way, everybody would be playing.

I would k*ll myself from embarrassment.

I didn't make up the rule.

So, don't follow it.

Okay.

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

You wanna read?

No, I'm tired.



You don't think your mother

wants you to succeed?

I don't think she'd equate

attention with success.

You do have an audience, right?

People who care about what you have to say.

Maybe. I don't know.

Maybe she's right. Maybe I fluked it.

Has she said any of this to you?

Okay. Pivot. If you weren't a writer...

I'm sorry, did you just say pivot?

If you weren't a writer or

even perceived as a writer.

How would you see yourself?

I'm not sure I understand the question.

Well, I think that's worth thinking about.

Have you tried the meditation app yet?

Um, no. I haven't had time.

THERAPIST: (ON VIDEO CALL) We make

time for things that we care about, Misha.

Keep putting the work in.

And remember, there's

nothing you need to be.

(WAVES CRASHING)

(HAMMOCK CREAKING)

MAN 3: (ON EARPHONES)

You are in a state of arrival.

The destination is wherever you are.

Your existence is distinct.

(CROWS CAWING)

(g*nsh*t)

Well, that answers that.

Answers what?

Does a*mo expire.

I don't remember you asking that.

This is nuts to me. How

did Hemingway do this?

Pull the trigger with his toes?

Hey, don't do that!

What? It's not loaded!

(CLICKS g*n)

I'm sorry. It's how my dad taught me.

The second you don't respect this thing...

So this time.

(c*ck g*n)

Butt it up against your shoulder.

Blade your body.

Line up the dot between the two sites.

MISHA: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I've seen enough Mark Wahlberg movies.

Hold your breath. Buck your rectum.

Squeeze the trigger.

(g*nsh*t)

- f*ck!

- Here, let me see.

(c*ck g*n)

So, I butt it up right

here. Just kind of plug it

into my shoulder, right below the clavicle.

Now, when you go to squeeze the trigger,

your nervous system is primed to the hilt.

Your adrenaline's pumping.

'Cause you know there's gonna be a bang.

But just stay steady, solid and...

(g*nsh*t)

Surgical.

(c*ck g*n)

Here, try again.

(SIGHS)

Question.

If you lost your medical license tomorrow,

what would you do?

What? That would be devastating.

For what?

I don't know, malpractice.

You cut off the wrong leg or something.

(g*nsh*t)

That's not how it works.

An amputation is an extremely planned...

Yeah, okay, I know.

It's just a hypothetical.

Well, we'd talk.

And we'd figure out what my options are.

Whether I could appeal it or...

No, no, no, no, you're not getting it.

Okay.

What are you doing?(c*ck g*n)

You get up, you make

a coffee, and you go to...

Insert answer here.

(g*nsh*t)

(c*ck g*n)

I don't know.

I think I'd still be helping

people in some capacity.

Because it makes you happy?

ARN: Yeah.

I guess in a roundabout way it does.

Gives me a sense of purpose.

Purpose?

(g*nsh*t)

- (CAN RATTLES)



(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

No, no.

Oh, come on, man.

I love this shirt.

Misha!

What do you know?

Uh, you're gonna have to be more specific.

How bad is it?

About five days ago.

I come up to Harbor's Inlet for a showing.

It's a nice place, half cab, three bed.

Asking is a bit high, but you know,

they seem motivated.

Except, they never show.

So there I am.

And I get a news alert.

And another, and another.

So I call my assistant to figure out

what the f*ck is going on, and...

(SIGHS)

So? What did they say?

Well, what's in it for me?

You're our prisoner!

Hm, in a way.



(BANJO PLAYING)

Is that your to-read pile?

Already read.

I should probably check in with work

and mom, and... and your mom.

(BOOK THUDS)

Um, everything okay?

Its... it's just, it's really f*cking good.

It's f*cking. Wow, Jesus.

Do you need...

Like, with a title like that,

it's primed to be pure masturbatory tripe.

Do you want to sit down maybe?

I always thought Cece

was full of sh*t, you know?

Like, like being a

writer was an affectation.

(LAUGHS)

What is it? What's that sh*t they say

about... about people in glass houses?

Sit. I'll get you some water, just breathe.

(MISHA SIGHS)

ARN: You okay?

What Cece does has

nothing to do with you, okay?

It's not a competition.

(GRUNTS)

Hey, do you want some good news?

(KEYS JINGLE)

ARN: I'm gonna tell

mom not to list the cabin,

because I'm buying it for us.

Why?

Why what?

Why would you do that?

I thought you liked it here.

I... I love this place

and I want us to have it.

I want our kids to have

it, it's the next step.

What kids?

So, what you told me last year...

I said I might be ready in a year.

Who in their right mind would bring a kid

into the world right now?

Then when?

Then when what?

ARN: When are you gonna be ready?

Look, I know you're focused

on your career, but people manage

to have careers and kids.

- They do.

- Yeah, men do.

Look, all I'm saying is,

maybe there won't ever

be a time when the stars align.

I'm ready, you know I am.

This could be really good for us.

I don't want to be that couple

that has kids to save their marriage.

(FOOTSTEPS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

I'm going into town, do you want anything?

You mumble when you sleep, Meesh.

Told my mom I'd check in.

Okay.

(DOOR CLOSES SHUT)



(WINGS FLAPPING)

(PANTING)

(LEAVES RUSTLING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(GRUNTS)

- (GLASS BREAKS)

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS, GROANS)

(DOOR CLOSES SHUT)

(KNOCKING)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(DOOR SWINGS OPEN)

(ARN SHRIEKS)

You got three seconds

to turn your a*s around

or I'll paint my porch with it!

(SPITS) -D... don't, don't sh**t!

You're here to raid our supplies!

What are you talking about?

You think because Dell's laid off

I'm a pushover?

We met in desert storm, you sh*t!

We f*cked with S*ddam!

I was here a few days ago, the candy guy!

Please I can help!

Who do you think you are, Jesus Christ?

I'm a doctor, if he's... if he's sick,

I can... I can look at him

(LAUGHS)

The only help for Dell's a quick death,

Lord knows I can't do it.

Please. Let me try.

(DOOR CREAKS)

Don't you come around

here no more, candy man.

(CAR DOOR SHUTS)



Hello?



(SIGHS)

(TWIG SNAPS)

(CHUCKLES, SIGHS)

(PANTING)

What the f*ck. She's

outta her f*cking mind.

(PANTING)

(PHONE RINGS)

Oh God.

(PHONE CONTINUES TO RING)

ARNOLD: Hello.

BEVERLY: (ON PHONE)

Arn... are you Arnold? Arn?

Mom? Mom. Mom.

BEVERLY: (ON PHONE)

Arnold! You're alive! Are you sick?

Where have you been?

Why didn't you call me?

I have been praying nonstop that you,

you know your brothers are here.

Where are you right now?

Mom. Slow down.

Just... just tell me what's happened.

BEVERLY: (ON PHONE) Tuxley, put that down!

Everything's gonna be fine, sweetie.

We're going down to the

bunker for a year to be safe.

Just like Noah's Ark.

When can you get here?

What... what... what bunker?

BEVERLY: (ON PHONE) The bunker, Arnold.

The one Pastor Dan built

in the church basement.

Remember the bake sale

that we put on to raise funds?

I made those snicker doodles. The bunker.

Are we sure that's necessary?

Wait, are we sure that's necessary?

BEVERLY: (ON PHONE) Jamie,

will you get your son off that?

Robbie, here talk to your brother.

Okay.

ROBBIE: (ON PHONE) What's

up, dipshit? Where the f*ck are you?

Robbie, Robbie,

things aren't really that bad, right?

Mom's just overreacting.

O... okay. Okay. Okay.

Look, I'm already a

little bit freaked out here.

You guys are just messing with me.

Right? Right?

Listen, get here before Wednesday

when they seal it up, okay?

Robbie, Robbie, wait.

ROBBIE: (ON PHONE) And

avoid contact with anyone.

Wait, just, hang on.

ROBBIE: (ON PHONE) I

mean it. Don't trust anybody.

Oh! One more thing.

Whatever you do, don't...

What? What? Robbie? Robbie? Robbie?

(PHONE CHIMES)



(TYPEWRITER TYPING)

One second. Oh my God.

(GROANS)

Okay, just. Actual craziness.

Huh?

And I had this surreal soul session

with a fawn or doe and we locked eyes

and I just feel like, I get it.

I... I... I don't know how to describe it.

It's... it's beyond words,

but I just feel like I can't stop.

Is that... do you mind?

Okay.

Oh, hey, um...

I just want you to know

that I didn't forget about last night.

And we can talk about it soon. I mean that.

But I'm just finally out

of my g*dd*mn head,

and I'm sort of on a tear,

so I don't wanna lose it,

you know?

Yeah, yeah.

Go. I'll be here.

(KISSES, SIGHS)

(TYPEWRITER TYPING CONTINUES)

f*ck. What the f*ck are you doing?

f*ck are you doing? She's

happy. She's on a tear.

Yeah, yeah, maybe we...

We could just stay out here.

(GIGGLES)

ARNOLD: Oh f*ck.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

MISHA: (VOICE OVER) But

there was always the exit ramp

for if things ever got sticky, too real,

she could fall back

on his, except that door

was closed now.

There was only the leap

into the great unknowable.

"There is no future. No past."

She said.

She didn't need to know

where it was all going,

and for once... You f*cking kidding me.

(VOICE OVER) That didn't scare her.

(LAWNMOWER RUMBLING)

Hey, Arnold!

(INDISTINCT SPEECH)

MISHA: Yeah? Cool.

(LAWNMOWER RUMBLING CONTINUES)

(ALARM RINGS)

Misha?

MISHA: One second.

- Hey.

- Hey.

We have to talk.

Okay, yeah. Oh, your tea's ready.

Um, okay, I have something to say

and I... I don't know if it's

gonna make any sense.

- Okay, keep up the, uh.

- Yeah, yeah, okay.

(CHUCKLES)

- (SLURPS DRINK)

(GULPS)

(MISHA LAUGHS)

(GRUNTS)

Are you gonna eat it?

Ugh, what?

Suit yourself.

Wait.

Ooh, f*ck, that's good.

Sorry. Was that shrooms?

MISHA: Yup. You got it.

Are you on mushrooms right now?

Um, I am currently beginning to peak.

So yeah, that is a correct fact.

Oh, I was gonna wait

for you to finish mowing,

but then, I...

Feels good, right?

Seriously though.

Like this f*cking cabin,

I can really see us here.

Like this is ours.

Oh.

(FIRE CRACKLING)

MISHA: No, no, no, no,

you're not getting it, okay.

The game is to make

up a flavor that doesn't...

It shouldn't exist.

Like um

ketchup, banana.

(CHUCKLES)

Okay, got it.

Sriracha marshmallow.

That's the money.

(MISHA LAUGHS)

MISHA: How are you eating right now?

I can't even swallow my own spit.

You know, I wrote like 20 pages today.

I can't wait to give it to Candice.

So she can cram it in her cram hole

and shut up, 'cause I'm Misha f*cking Dias.

And they're gonna put on a book tour,

and I'm gonna do book readings.

Lemon meringue hummus. Yeah.

(MISHA LAUGHS)

Oh, I thought they were

ants. But it's just stubble.

Oh, but they are moving, just so you know.

When are you back at the hospital?

- Where?

- Work.

Work.

When... when are you...

Oh God. The hospital.

All the people.

I have to help them.

You're essential, babe.

Without you the world spirals out.

No days off.

Essential.

Non-essential. 'Bout says it.



Hey.

Hey, yo, what's up?

You're up early.

It's past 11:00.

Oh.

How's your head?

Oh, not great.

Yeah, mushrooms and a dozen oranges

will do that.

You need something?

You look busy, I'll um...

Come find me when you're done?

Yeah, just wrapping up.

Oh, wait, I boiled some eggs if you want.

Okay.

(DOOR CREAKS, SHUTS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(KEYS JANGLING)

Oh! Hey.

- Hey.

- How's it coming?

Great, actually.

I wanted to see if we needed anything.

Oh, you need something from town?

I'll go!

Actually, I... I need to

talk to the old mums,

face to face.

Can it wait?

Not really.

Remember that deer I told you about?

Uh-huh. Yeah. You saw a deer.

So I think I know what's blocking me.

You know, it's like, I didn't think

my voice mattered, but

I was making excuses.

You got all that from a deer?

Sure. Why not?

It's like a deer doesn't ask itself.

"Am I doing this right?

Am I being the best deer I can be?"

It just f*cking does. Just knows.

I don't see what all that

has to do with your mom.

Well, see I've been

projecting, using her as a proxy

to like break me down.

Tell me I can't do it.

But that's not her voice in my head.

It's mine.

Anyways, it's put up this wall between us

and I just want to tell her, we're okay.

Also, I got to get these pages to Candice,

so she can stop blowing

steam out of her cartoon cat ears.

Hey, Misha. Listen, uh, look,

I uh, love that you've experienced clarity

out here or whatever, but

uh, you... you can't go back.

(SCREAMS)

- What the f*ck, Arnold!

- ARNOLD: Ah!

Okay. I'm gonna...

ARNOLD: Don't touch it,

don't touch it. Oh, I'm stuck.

Ah! Go get a saw.

- A saw, saw?

- A saw.

Hey, I'm... I'm gonna go get help.

No, no, no, it's too far.

- What about the neighbors?

- Barb and Clem?

They're just up the road, right?

Yeah, but no, wait. Wait!

Yeah, I won't be long. I won't be long.

No, Misha! Wait!

We don't know what's out

there, it could be dangerous.

(PANTING)

Hello!

Clem!

(KNOCKING)

Barb! Oh, come on.

Hello! I need help!

(GRUNTING)

(PHONE CHIMES)

I know!

(DOOR RATTLING)

f*ck. f*ck. Come on, f*ck! f*ck!

Wait.

- What the hell are you doing?

- (SCREAMS) Jesus.

Okay, uh, sorry, it's an emergency.

I didn't think anyone was here.

Are you all right? Is somebody after you?

What? No. It's my husband.

He... he got his leg caught.

We... we need a saw.

You're gonna amputate his leg?

MISHA: Jesus Christ. No!

I don't know exactly...

He told me to get a saw. So

like please can I borrow one?

MAN 4: You're not infected, are you?

What?

How long you been out here for?

Honestly, man, I have

no f*cking clue. A while.

Why?

I'm just renting this cabin.

I don't actually have a key to the shed.

So, come on.

(BANGS)

- Whoa, whoa.

Okay.

Okay. Let's grab a selection.

I don't know what I'm walking into here.

You're coming with?

Well, yeah, you look like

you could use some help.

You know what? Just grab whatever you need.

I'll get a bag.

So you said, you've been out here,

for a while?

What you been up to?

Um, I'm writing a book.

Oh, no sh*t. Hey, I'm a writer, too.

ROBBIE: (VOICE OVER) Listen get here before

Wednesday when they seal it up, okay?

Avoid contact with anyone.

I mean it, don't trust anyone.

MISHA: Arnold!

I'm back!

Don't take another step!

Whoa, whoa.

What the f*ck, Arnold?

You know this guy?

He's Patrick.

Who the hell's Patrick?

So does that relic even work?

Oh, it works. Used it just the other day.

I can't believe you

pointed a loaded g*n at us.

I was worried about you.

Worried, why?

How do you unload this?

(CLICKING g*n)

Uh, let... let me do

that. Don't worry about it.

Oh, actually, you might know this.

Arnold was wondering, does a*mo expire?

ARNOLD: I was just kidding, Meesh.

No, you weren't you asked me...

You know, it's odd.

I've never known Clem and

Barb to rent out their cabin.

Well, you haven't been

up here for a few years.

Yeah, and with Clem's health and all,

they come out here less and less.

Holy sh*t. Look at that.

(CHUCKLES)

Gutbusterz. Wow!

I haven't had one of these in years.

He can't stop shoving them down his throat.

They... they still sell them

down at Dell and Dotte's.

You know the place?

Well, yeah, of course.

(CHUCKLES)

So You're a writer, huh?

I am. Yeah.

Sling and Snare, it's a

hunting and fish mag.

You ever heard of it?

No. Not my taste.

What is your deal?

Anyways, thanks for stopping by.

Yeah. Yeah, I guess I

better be getting back to it.

Thanks again for all your help.

Yeah, of course. Yeah,

good luck with your book.

Yeah, you as well. Good luck with your...

(THUDS)

What the f*ck, you psycho!

- He's not who he says he is!

- Is that, 'cause I was flirting?

What do you mean he's

not who he says he is?

You were flirting with him?

So, who is he?

The King of Cottage Country.

The f*ck does that mean?

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

I was going to tell you, I swear.

You're kidding, right?

This is just you with your

f*cking Onion articles?

Arnold.

How are you only telling me this now?

You were just happy for

the... for the first time in,

I swear, I meant...

We have to go back. We have to go.

There's... there's nothing to go back to.

It... it's everywhere.

There is a place we can go.

(GRUNTS)

(LAUGHS)

Ah, it really takes the wind

out of your f*cking sails,

doesn't it?

(LAUGHS)



(STATIC)

(INDISTINCT SPEECH ON RADIO)

(PHONE ALERT CHIMES)

I should probably check on her.

Oh, no, none of that

says "Hey, let's chat."

We need to talk next steps.

Next steps, um,

well, we have a place.

A safe place um, a bunker.

Damn, I thought I was a prep

per. That's legit, you build that?

No, my um, mom's pastor.

Hmm, okay. That's good.

Yeah.

Look, I know we got off to

a bit of a rocky start here,

but I'm just gonna throw this out there,

I... I think we can let bygones be bygones,

you know, you go your way and all that.

You're not gonna k*ll me, right?

What? No, I would never k*ll you.

Jeez!

(LAUGHING)

Wait, were you gonna k*ll us?

- Oh my God!

- Look, doc.

I want to sh**t straight with you, okay?

Man to man, but we got to be able

to trust each other. Okay, you feel me?

Okay.

Okay, cards on the table.

Yeah, yeah, no, I was gonna k*ll you.

When I found out that you were hurt,

I was gonna follow her

back, take care of you,

and then you know,

figure sh*t out with her.

She's a decent-looking girl.

She's got some

childbearing years left in her.

Seriously?

But why k*ll me, for God's sake?

Why not help me? I'm a... I'm a doctor.

We could band together like logically...

PATRICK: Band together?

Would you listen to yourself, man?

You know who f*ck people over? People.

You know who stabs people in the back?

People.

You know who drags people's

name through the mud on Twitter

after a messy divorce?

My f*cking b*tch of an ex-wife Janine.

That's who. Who apparently is people.

At the end of the day, people

look out for numero uno.

So what, I'm the as*h*le now

for beating them to the punch?

For murdering people? Um, yeah.

- Oh.

- You kind of are.

And... and what's the point of it all,

to be the last man standing? Then what?

Oh, I never said that.

Then what are you saying?

You know on airplanes,

how they say to put your mask

on before you help someone else?

That it?

What the hell are you talking about?

PATRICK: I'm the investment

of the human race, doc.

To get to the other side of this thing.

Now, I know for a f*cking

fact that I don't sh**t blanks.

Now I got to protect that

investment and outlast this way.

So it's that whole,

"Let's all band together

and do our part", beta c*ck bullshit

that's gonna dilute the

future of the species.

Not everyone is meant to survive.

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

ARNOLD: Did you get a hold of her?

I spoke to my Aunt Rosa,

my mom died yesterday.

Rosa's sick.

I don't think she's gonna make it.

Why didn't you tell me?

Don't give me that "You

looked so happy" horseshit.

I... I was scared.

I didn't want to lose you.

But that's not you.

You look at a problem

and you find a solution.

I'm the one that's

supposed to hide from reality.

Can't be both of us.

I'm sorry.

You robbed me of my chance to say goodbye.

You took that from me.

The cities are f*cked.

There's nothing to go back to.

There's a place.

I heard.

Where are you off to in such a hurry?

I gotta make a phone call.

We're gonna be leaving shortly.

Aw, but we were just getting

to know each other. Shucks.

(FIRE CRACKLING)

(CREAKS)

(MANUSCRIPT THUDS IN FIREPLACE)

That bad, huh?

You smoke?

I do.

(SNIFFS, CLEARS THROAT)

(LIGHTER FLICKS)

You mind?

So why'd you junk it?

Who the f*ck's gonna read it?

So you... you were gonna k*ll him,

and f*ck me, that it?

Or raise a brood of little monsters

and live happily ever after?

(CHUCKLES)

Married long?

Hmm.

How long were you planning on milking it?

Excuse me?

Well, it's obvious you don't like the guy.

Blind man galloping on a

camel could see that sh*t.

Now what I can't figure

out, and for the life of me,

I can't see what would have brought

you two together.

You act more like brother and sister.

Now the way I see it...

He was different than

the other guys I dated.

He was kind to me.

And I was different for him too, I guess.

Hmm. Mm-Hmm. Opposites attract.

Deadbeat hipster chick

with ambitious career man.

I see it pretty often. Beauty and the geek.

At least, those girls feign liking the guy,

they know where their

meal tickets at, but you,

you're like some wannabe princess

who's tired of having her

broken carriage strapped

to the prize pony.

And what are you?

The caveman looking for a sperm bank?

Congrats. Your worth is measured in c*m.

Oh, still worth. White gold. Texas Tea.

Hooah.

Yeah, sure, we're all sad

that your little diary there

is not gonna make Oprah's book club.

Now him, I could see a use for.

Yeah, he's a bit of a p*ssy,

but the world needs doctors,

so I can let that slide.

What's your contribution

to this brave new world?

Hmm?

Maybe it's staying around long enough,

so that it's not run by

assholes like you again.

(LAUGHS)

Oh, you stuck up faux trophy wife b*tch

who won't even spread her

legs to take one for the team.

The world doesn't need you.

Never did.



There is nothing you should be doing.

There's nowhere you need to go.

MAN 3: (ON EARPHONES)

You are in a state of arrival.

The destination is wherever you are.

You are in a state of arrival.

Destination.

MAN 3: (ON EARPHONES) You are not lost.

Your existence is distinct. Singular.

You are not lost.

You are not lost.

You are not.

(SIGHS)

You are.

I am.

(CAR PULLS UP)

(CAR DOOR SHUTS)

ARNOLD: Meesh? You okay?

Uh-huh.

ARNOLD: Got a hold of mom.

Of course, you did.

I... I told her that we're on our way

that we'd be there and...

I'm not going.

Look, I get it. It's not ideal.

I know my mom is not

your favorite person...

It's not that.

Then what? Stay here.

I think you should go.

I'm not leaving you here. Listen...

There's nothing there for me.

There are still people,

survivors, that we can help.

You can, should.

There's still hope. We

just have to push through.

You're gonna make me say it.

I want you to go.

It's okay.

I want for once in my life

to feel some sense of control.

That I go out on my terms.

Maybe you have hope for the future.

But I don't, not mine anyway.

(MISHA SNIFFLES)

I've been fighting and fighting

to make my life mean something

and maybe this is I don't know, a sign

to just f*cking stop.

But I love you.

I know. I do.

I'm sorry, that's just not enough for me.

(SNORING)



So what's the prognosis here, doc?

Are we saying our fond farewells?

I'm taking you with me.

What do you mean?

What do you mean like back to the city?

Well, I can't leave you

here with her now, can I?

Oh, what the f*ck, baby d*ck?

Who's calling the shots around here?

I'm not gonna force her to come with me

- against her will.

- Oh, but you'll force me?

That's different. You're my prisoner.

And you're her prisoner.

Oh, you don't know anything about it.

Yeah, but we had a f*cking deal!

You think I wanted this?

I'm losing my wife! f*ck our deal!

Oh, you sad cow-eyed little b*tch.

One of the last men on Earth,

and she'd rather be alone than with you.

(GRUNTS)

(LAUGHS)

Ah, you classic beta c*ck p*ssy!

p*ssy.

(PATRICK MAKES SMOOCHING NOISES)

PATRICK: Here, p*ssy, p*ssy, p*ssy.



PATRICK: Tell him to let me go.

Why are you asking me?

Because you got his nuts in your purse.

Why is it that every man

who meets a strong woman

assumes she's a ball breaker?

I mean, you see yourself

as strong, do you? Hmm?

(SCOFFS)

Anyways, I don't want you here.

So f*ck off, and be someone else's problem.

This is my territory

Okay? I fought for this.

I earned this.

You know, this whole

king of the hill shtick,

it's sad, man.

Okay? Nobody needs you.

Yeah.

You said that already.

Don't you f*cking...

(GRUNTS)

ARNOLD: Got him? f*ck.

Now I know why serial

K*llers chop these up.

(GRUNTING)

- Ready?

- Uh-huh. Yeah.

(GRUNTS)

Ready means go.

Ready means ready. Go means go.

Ready, set, go.

MISHA: This isn't a f*cking

high school track meet.

Okay, whatever, let's do it your way.

On three.

Ready, set, go.

(GRUNTING)

(TRUNK CLOSES)

MISHA: Please, don't.

We don't all have to make it.

I made a commitment to

you, till death do us part.

Why were you even with me?

What? I love you.

No, why did you stay with me?

What did you get out of it?

Because you looked at me.

You made me feel strong.

Like I can... I can do anything.

You could do anything, Arn. I can't.

I don't know if I can, Meesh.

(SOBBING)

Yeah, you can.

You're Arnold f*cking Schmidt-Mueller.

I hope you'll stick around.

The world is better with you in it.



Good luck, Arn.

Arnold?

(g*nsh*t)

Run!

(g*n c*ck)

What do we do?

(PANTING) Um, Clem

and Barb's, they have a car.

Here we go.



(SCREAMING)

MISHA: What a f*cking maniac!

ARNOLD: Keys? Keys?

Maybe they're on her.

Right.

- Check!

- Why me?

- You're a doctor.

- So?

So you're not afraid of blood!

(BOTH PANTING)

Uh.

(SHUSHES)

He's coming.

PATRICK: Hey, kids.

What are we playing, huh?

Hide and go seek? Marco Polo?

There.

No, he'll hear.

(GRUNTS)

PATRICK: Marco.

Anybody home?

(PANTING)

What the hell are we gonna do?

Okay.

(THUDDING) -MISHA: (INDISTINCT SPEECH)

(LAUGHS)

(DOOR BANGING)

I'm not leaving you here with him!

Thank Christ, I don't

wanna become a skin lamp.

Look, we got the place surrounded,

so why don't you just come

on out with your hands up?

We? What the hell is he talking about?

I don't know with this f*cking guy!

(g*nsh*t)

Our best hope is to make a run for it

while it's reloading.

(LAUGHS)

Could you f*ck off?

I'm trying to get one last screw in!

Yeah, well, why don't

you save a piece for me?

Hah! I don't know if

I'd feel that micro d*ck

after Arnold's done railing me.

You c**t!

(g*nsh*t) -What? Don't enrage him!

Oh, good idea!

(c*ck g*n)

Yeah! You've got a tiny d*ck!

Dude? Dig deeper!

Did your mom even feel it

when you were f*cking her

in the a*s?

Yeah, mom's dead. Just

like you're about to be.

(g*nsh*t)

- (SCREAMS)

Go!

(c*ck g*n)

Hey, doc?

Should've honored your word on our deal,

and gotten the f*ck out of here.

Right on, Barb.

But no, no, no, you had to let

nut-vice there get to ya.

See, I keep my word.

So, you can believe me when I say.

(BREAKS DOOR)

I'm gonna k*ll the f*ck out of you.

(LAUGHS)

(BREAKS DOOR OPEN)

m*therf*cker.

(ARNOLD AND MISHA PANTING)

f*ck!

Do we have a spare?

ARNOLD: Yeah, one.

Goddammit!

Okay, new plan. New plan.

Okay. What do you got?

We can't run forever.

Oh Arn, no.

He's got no claim on this place.

My dad built it. It's ours!

That's a great idea actually,

what if he comes back

the whole thing's on fire?

- What?

Yeah, it's a solid diversion.

He'll never be expecting it.

No, no, no, no. Look, I'll figure it out.

Just... just go to the

highway. I'll take care of it.

Okay, Arnold.

I've got a plan.



(FIRE CRACKLING)

What the f*ck?

(ROCK THUDS)

(PANTS)

(g*nsh*t)

(GRUNTING)

f*ck was the plan here, doc?

- We didn't have a ton of time.

- Yeah.

(GRUNTS)

Speaking of we, where is she?

Is she gonna pop out

and brain me with a mallet?

Or is an anvil gonna fall on my head?

You know, the two of you together

are cartoon-f*cking-stupid, you know that?

(GROANS)

You win, okay?

You're the King of Cottage Country.

Isn't that what you wanted?

Yeah, I know that is what I wanted,

but then you went and

ruined my favorite shirt,

so.

(c*ck g*n)

I think you just enjoy k*lling.

No sh*t.

What do you think there might be something

wrong with me?

(EMPTY g*n CLICKS)

PATRICK: Empty?

Well, I wanted to play nice with you.

Come here.

(SCREAMS, GRUNTING)

You know, this could have

been just quick and easy, but no.

Oh?

(c*ck g*n)

PATRICK: Sure you know what you're doing?

Let me help you, sweetie.

Just breathe. It's okay.

There you go. Hold it steady. Aim.

Now squeeze the trigger.

(g*nsh*t)

(GRUNTS)

(WHIMPERS)

(c*ck g*n)

Hey? Hey, Arnold? Arnold? Arnold?

Come on, come on, come on. Oh my God.

Misha?

(GRUNTING)

Okay. Arnold, we can still get you there!

Come on! Come on, come

on. Come on, come on.

(PANTING)

ARNOLD: You're so much

stronger than you think.

MISHA: Arnold.

Stay with me.

ARNOLD: I need an ending. Tell me a story.

Uh.

Misha watched the sun go down,

at the Schmidt-Mueller family cottage.

The days get shorter this time of year.

And she worked on a garden

purged the place of Christ,

made it her own.

Even worked on the typewriter now and then.

(VOICE OVER) In those

times that she felt lost,

alone in the world,

she thought of the melaleuca tree.

An invasive species in Florida's wetlands,

unwanted, even harmful in it's displacement

of native growth.

She felt a kinship with the tree.

A species that didn't

ask to be where it was,

that was seen as a parasite

simply because it didn't belong.

And one day she left.

She didn't know where she was going.

But along the way to

nowhere, she found others.

(SNIFFLES)

And to their dismay, they didn't remember

what the world was like before.

And so she said,

"Don't worry, I wrote it all down."

(WOOD SIZZLES)

MISHA: (VOICE OVER) "But if

I could do it again", she thought,

"I wouldn't be a tree. I'd be the soil."

"Pure potential."

(WAVES CRASHING)

MISHA: (VOICE OVER) And maybe the

sense of hope that gave her would fade.

Maybe the metaphor would

sound stupid tomorrow.

But for today, it was enough.

(WAVES CRASHING)