Non-Actor, The (2025)

[bunniefuu]

[Click: High-pitched hum starts]

Bluff.

Baseball.

Sunset.

Lick.

Lot.

Jail.

Joy.

Wince.

Want.

w*r.

[She narrates] I traveled from New York

to Los Angeles for a trial.

My doctor had said the facility

was shaped like a seashell.

Like the cochlea.

"Isn't that so Los Angeles?" he said.

Wish.

[Low drone, street hum]

[She narrates] I had recently begun

to read, with some obsession

a forum on deafness.

To dial my expectations.

To match every moment to a moment

a stranger had already experienced

so I could know how to live

the moment when it arrived.

[Helicopter passes;

Distant siren wails]

In one entry a user, SmokeOut95,

said that while doing dishes

he could hear his upstairs neighbor

jumping rope.

[Rhythmic pounding]

That this neighbor always walked

the line of disrespect

but that when he shut off the water

he found it was the sound

of his own heart beating.

- [Muffled heartbeat]

- [Woman] Elliot.

Elliot!

It's nice to meet you.

- Thanks.

- Duh.

- It is hot.

- Yeah.

[Loud flapping, wind blows]

Thanks for letting me stay.

Oh my god, of course.

I really wanted to meet you.

So it's actually not generous.

It's selfish.

[Longing folk music, loud and tinny,

plays over car stereo]

[Elliot narrates] My ex

had moved to Los Angeles

and insisted I stay with him

and his new girlfriend.

[Horn honks]

But that morning, he wrote to say

he was stuck out of town on a job.

[Muffled] I have his old computer.

So I've seen a lot of photographs of you.

And it's funny. You actually look

different than I expected.

I mean, I knew you were beautiful.

So you can hear me.

[Music volume lowers]

I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

Oh, I said, so you can hear me.

Can you hear me?

I can, I can hear you.

I got kicked out of a silent retreat once,

I wouldn't stop mouthing words.

They were like, "You actually have to go."

[Music volume rises]

He calls me Imelda Marcos.

He's so sad he can't be here.

I have to quickly finish something.

- It'll only take, like, 30 minutes.

- Okay.

But please make yourself at home

like, really,

you know, whatever you need to do.

[Muffled] And also,

don't be afraid to let the bird out.

He likes to be out.

[Door shuts]

[Flowing water]

[Low rumble]

[Flow stops, low, high-pitched drone]

[Bird cries out]

[Fan drones]

[Bird cries out]

[Ambient muffles]

[Elliot narrates] On the forum I had

read an entry by Quicksand53 that said

Birdsong is often the first thing to go.

[Muffled bird call]

[Ambient swells]

That loss is a process

not a light switch

and good luck.

[Fan whirrs loudly]

In another entry

JawnGirl99 said

she could hear

metal music playing

when the fan in her room

faced her direction.

But if fan was on rotate/low

she would hear Silent Night,

which reminded her of church.

And she said that no offense

but she hates church.

[Distant, muffled speech]

[Bella, muffled voice]

I'm a very respectful person

and you make me feel

like a very disrespectful person

[Garbled male voice through speaker]

[Bella] I'm a very

respectful person

and you make me feel like

a very disrespectful person

[Male voice through speaker]

Let's do the line one more time...

with a little more air.

[Bella] I'm a very respectful person

and you make me feel like

a very disrespectful person.

[Soft music plays faintly]

[Water runs]

Did you always know

you wanted to be an actor?

Well I act. I'm only an actor

if somebody hires me.

And the only directors I want to work with

[muffled] only work with non-actors.

While we wait for the rice

I'm going to meditate.

[Whispering] Elliot!

[Music continues playing]

[Elliot narrates] In another entry

BESTDOG98 (Female, 17)

said that she had been afraid

to have sex since losing hearing.

That she had heard that women specifically

can sound like donkeys

Or worse, monsters.

[Music turns eerie]

In a reply, Beagles1 said

if you aren't sure how loud you are

when you come

you can set up a phone to record the sound

as you take care of yourself.

You will then know if the sound

is as bad as you fear.

[Insect medley, high ringing, highway hum]

I do feel guilty sometimes.

Like I care a lot about chronology.

What do you mean?

I mean, I respect it.

[Muffled] The order in which things happen

it's important to me.

He loved you first.

What, eight years?

[Utensils scraping]

- Luckily love is a present tense thing.

- Mm-mm.

I don't know, I think it's, like,

mainly a past tense thing.

It's like a moment, right?

It's a moment that we then simulate

and we simulate and we simulate

until it's been simulated

so many times it's...

unsimulatable.

- It's like so worn out.

- [Distant barking]

- [Distant firework pops]

- It's dust.

I think he's still simulating something

and it's not our simulation.

[Muffled] More tamari?

I'm not supposed to have too much salt.

I'm sorry about your ears.

I hope that they help you here.

[Car speeds past, loud muffler]

I read your emails to each other.

You are a great writer.

Like, even your emails

are really nice to read.

We're just really open with each other

about everything, and

I just really wanted to understand

your connection.

You look tired.

I'm okay, actually.

[Gentle bossa nova plays]

Here we go.

So, anyway, I come

from this long line of suicidal

very good looking women.

And, uh, well, two of them successfully...

But for some reason,

I don't know, I'm just like,

a more content person.

It's almost like a defect.

My happiness.

Historically, I feel like I've been

a happy person, but...

I really don't like change.

Do you see those two things

as being in opposition to each other?

Well, yeah, eventually, yeah.

I love change.

Like, I hold on to things really tightly.

And when I let go,

I really let go.

Yeah, I don't even like it

when things I don't like change.

Like,

I miss things that I don't even like.

[Bossa nova continues, flute swells]

[Faint] Maybe that's because you actually

do like the things you miss.

Sorry. What did you say?

Maybe that's because you actually

do like the things you miss.

Do you miss him?

I thought no one would ever

know me as well.

And I was afraid that

if no one ever knew me as well,

then no one could ever love me

as well.

And now?

Does anybody know you as well?

Well,

I don't even know if I think

that's important anymore.

Well, I thought about it.

And I think I'd rather die than go deaf.

[Elliot] Yeah.

You know, I realized something about

silence is, once I reach it,

I'll finally have something

that's constant.

Yeah.

You know, like,

something that actually won't change.

So now I think about it as

like a goal.

You know, like something to achieve.

Reaching the top of a mountain.

Or like the center of a maze.

Well, I love mazes.

And I love mountains.

Same.

Your eyes are really far apart.

Do you ever have this thing

when you are close to someone?

They have three eyes.

No.

No, like, your eyes unfocus and they

they put another eye on their forehead

like right between their eyebrows.

Like right now you have three eyes.

[Song ends]

[Pressurized silence]

[Bossa nova plays over headphones]

[Elliot] Sorry, what did you say?

[Bella] Maybe that's because

you actually do like the things you miss.

Do you miss him?

[Recording cuts out]

Do you ever have this thing

when you are close to someone?

They have three eyes?

[Music cuts out]

[Both moaning]

[Pleasure intensifies]

[Ecstatic gasps]

[cl*max]

[Recording ends]

[Longing folk music returns]