02x07 - Loud Family Court: The Flames of Justice

[bunniefuu]

- [whistles] - Come on!

It's picture time!

[upbeat music]

- ♪ In the Loud house ♪

- ♪ The really Loud house ♪

[indistinct chatter]

- When you live in a house called the Loud House,

there's one thing you can count on.

It's going to be loud.

[rooster crowing]

That's why I love waking up early

and sneaking downstairs for a little relaxing me time.

But this morning wasn't exactly relaxing.

[yelling]

- Lincoln burned down the house.

- I didn't burn down the house.

It's just the kitchen.

- Lincoln burned down the kitchen.

- I didn't burn down the kitchen.

I saved the kitchen.

- After you burned it down.

- You burned down the kitchen, and you didn't invite me.

I thought we were family.

- I didn't burn down the kitchen.

- You're in deep trouble, dude.

- Maybe Mom and Dad won't notice.

[dramatic music]

Oh, boy, you're dead.

[door clicks open] - Here comes Mom and Dad.

- Everybody, please be cool.

[all murmuring]

- [yawns] Morning.

[together] Morning, Mom and Dad. Good morning.

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, my gosh.

This milk is spoiled.

- Ooh, yuck.

- And someone burnt the kitchen down.

[dramatic music]

- [gasps]

[indistinct chatter]

- All right, all right, all right.

I'm going to have to break out the old dad lie detector.

Lincoln, hold my hands.

Close your eyes.

Ohm.

Lincoln, did you burn down the kitchen?

- No. - Inconclusive.

It's anybody's guess.

[indistinct chatter]

- Come on, you guys, I've told you a hundred times.

I didn't burn down the kitchen.

- There's only one way to settle this.

- Punch Lincoln in the arm until he confesses?

- Does it start with T and end with -orture?

- No.

Loud family court.

[indistinct chatter]

- We convene in minutes.

- The Loud family court has dealt with some of the most

controversial, high-profile cases in the history

of the Loud House.

There was the case of a missing toilet seat--

[dramatic music]

--the case of the stolen front door--

[bear roars]

--the case of the flooded basement.

I have to beat this rap.

And somewhere out there is a brilliant lawyer

with the skill and courage to help me do it.

♪ ♪

Please tell me there's a brilliant lawyer

standing behind you.

- Why aren't you in your scuba gear?

We're supposed to be searching for sunken treasure

in Lake Eddy.

- Ever since a random pirate rolled through town shouting

about gold at the bottom of Lake Eddy,

Clyde has thought about nothing else.

- There is gold in the bottom of that there lake.

I can feel it in me bones.

Arrgghh.

- I've been accused of burning down the kitchen.

The only thing I'm searching for today is an alibi.

- Loud family court--

let me represent you.

I'll nail it.

- I want to say yes to Clyde, but he

wouldn't stand a chance against the lawyers

in Loud family court.

They each have a very specific set of skills.

- If you're telling the truth, face

the staff of souls and sweat.

- OK, I'm guilty.

- Of what?

- Whatever you want.

Just make it stop.

- I rest my case.

- Did you or did you not eat the butterscotch pudding?

The proof is in the pudding.

- Case closed.

No play dates with Lily for two weeks.

All right, one week.

- Softie.

- ♪ This thief now stands accused of stealing ♪

♪ Mom's new makeup case ♪

♪ She may have a bracing beauty like ♪

♪ A first cold sip of cola ♪

♪ But she must admit the truth ♪

♪ Did you steal Mom's makeup, Lola? ♪

- [sobbing]

What do you think?

[rock music]

- Guitar case closed.

- Give me one good reason why I shouldn't be your lawyer.

- Well, you tend to crack in high-pressure situations.

- True.

- Also, you suffer from chronic flop sweat, which people

tend to associate with guilt.

- Another good point.

- Clyde, you need to convince me

why I should let you represent me in the biggest

moment of my entire life.

- I wear glasses, and people who wear glasses

are perceived as smart.

- That's genius.

Welcome aboard.

Because you're about to set foot in the most prestigious

court in all the land. - I'm the judge.

- I'm the judge.

- You never let me be the judge.

- This is a very serious job, Rita.

There's only one way to settle it.

How high can you reach?

Hmm.

- Ahh!

- Ha-ha, I've got the gavel. I'm the judge.

You're the bailiff.

Ipso facto, no take backsies.

♪ Ado-do-do-do-do-do-do-do ♪

[clears throat]

- Argh!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- The courtroom is filling up here.

The tensions are high.

And the stakes are higher.

Some are hungry for justice.

Some are hungry for blood.

And some are just hungry.

As we know, the kitchen has burned down,

and food is very scarce.

- Hey, where'd you get that?

I'm starving over here.

- All rise for the somewhat honorable Lynn Loud.

Fine.

All rise for the Honorable Lynn Loud.

[playing "The Star-Spangled Banner]

♪ ♪

- Play ball.

- [clears throat]

- Or you know, play court.

- All rise.

- They already did that.

- Oh, well, then please be seated.

- They are.

- You know, you've got a lot of attitude for a bailiff.

- [silently]

- Good afternoon, everyone.

- Objection, Your Honor.

- [whispering] We haven't even started yet.

- Just setting a tone, my friend.

- The case of the cooked kitchen

versus the most likely guilty child.

Now, I know you're all looking forward

to enjoying the weekend.

But you know the rules of this court.

If no one is found guilty, then everyone is found guilty.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Now, the punishment for burning down the kitchen is--

let me check my legal charts.

- They're on your head.

- I knew that.

Let's see, he will be grounded for--

ooh-- ever.

You'll be grounded forever.

And you'll have to clean the entire kitchen

with a tiny toothbrush.

The Loud family court is now in session.

[gavel pounding]

[gavel pounding] - Order.

Order.

- Still on your head.

- [clears throat]

- We are now ready for--

- Opening statements.

- Opening statements, we are now

ready for opening statements.

[gavel pounding]

The prosecution will call their first witness.

- We're in trouble if it's anybody except--

- Hey, everybody.

[funky guitar music]

♪ ♪

Leni loud, I put the "cute" in "prosecutor"

and the "aw" in "law."

- Leni, opening statements?

Leni? Leni?

Leni, your opening statement?

- Oh, that was kind of it.

- Lake Eddy, here we come.

Glad I kept my fins on.

- I mean, I guess I could say something.

I intend to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt

that Lincoln Loud had the motive,

the opportunity, and the history

to commit this heinous crime.

Furthermore, I will present a preponderance of evidence

that this man was the only possible person

who could have burnt down our beloved kitchen.

And I will bring the full weight of the justice system

down upon his head!

Anyway, that's it.

Buckle up, boys.

I just watched "Legally Blonde " and "."

They're, like, so good.

- They are pretty good.

- Uh, counsel for the defense, opening statement?

- Clyde, that's you.

- [panting] Whew, oh, whoa, whoo.

Whew.

Ladies and gentlemen of the court, Lernen Loud,

di no burm derm te-kitum.

- Do you understand him?

- No.

- Di no burm derm te-kitum.

- How do you spell that?

- Oh, I'm sorry; my notes seem to be smudged.

- Two powerful opening statements.

- But that judge is a little shaky though, huh?

- Will the prosecution call their first witness?

- Durr.

It's what I'm doing.

[phone rings] - Y'ello.

- You're up.

- Got it.

both: Let's Double L this thing.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

- So you two are the detectives who

investigated the crime scene?

- Crime is a disease.

- And we're the cure.

Yeah, it was us.

- ♪ Yow ♪

♪ ♪

- Marshmallows, graham cr*cker, chocolate.

[camera shutter clicks]

- Looks like Lincoln didn't just want one snack.

He wanted s'more.

- ♪ Yow ♪

- You're looking at your standard code PC,

felony arson by chocolate treat.

- And what's that in layman's terms?

- Lincoln tried to make s'mores and burned down the kitchen.

- Hmm, your witness.

- Let me ask you a question.

What are the ingredients in s'mores?

- Graham crackers, marshmallow, chocolate,

all melted together.

- And did either of you actually witness

Lincoln making the s'mores?

- Well, no, but--

- OK, so really, anyone could have made the s'mores.

- I guess so, but--

- Interesting, interesting.

And just out of curiosity, show of hands,

does anybody else in this room enjoy s'mores?

- I'll have one.

- Ba-bam.

No further questions, Your Honor.

[rock guitar music]

- I would like to call to the stand Clyde McBride.

[dramatic music]

- Hmm, the twists and turns keep on coming.

Looks like Leni has called a surprise witness to the stand.

- Mr. McBride, have you ever heard

of the term "indoor s'mores?"

- No.

- May I remind you you're under oath?

- Then yes.

- I'd like to enter into evidence the personal diary

of Clyde McBride.

- Wait, what? - [gasp]

[dramatic music]

- Read the part about his love life.

What?

- Bailiff, diary, please.

Oh!

- Oops.

Head.

[quirky musical riff]

- Bailiff, do you know where my spare reading glasses are?

- No, but I told you times to put them

in the special box I bought you specifically

for your reading glasses.

- You know what?

The witness will now read their diary

out loud in front of the court.

- Objection.

The witness does not want to.

- Overruled.

- Bring on the smut.

- Would you please read your entry

from three Saturdays ago?

- Dear diary, it's indoor s'mores day again,

the best day of the week,

except for history class when I get to sit

next to the new girl, Angie.

She's a stone-cold fox.

- Mama hear, mama like.

- You can skip the part about the new girl.

- Boo.

- Please just read the part about the indoor s'mores.

- You guys gotta stop talking about food.

- The best way to cook indoor s'mores

is over a big, open flame.

Sure, it's dangerous, but like Lincoln always says,

the danger brings out the flavor.

- Just out of curiosity, has anyone in this room

ever made indoor s'mores?

Only two people.

- But it wasn't two people this morning.

I overslept, so Lincoln made them alone.

- No further questions.

- That last witness really k*lled us.

- So we have a burnt-down kitchen, a diary talking

about big, open flames, and a testimony

that puts the defendant at the scene of the crime.

He's totes guilty.

I rest my case.

- Whoo! [air horn blares]

[upbeat music]

- Whoo!

♪ ♪

- Clyde, do something.

- I object!

Ooh!

- Let's take a short recess. [gavel pounding]

[upbeat music]

- The court's abuzz.

Looks like it's an open and shut case on Lincoln Loud.

Some people are already getting a head start on their Saturday

morning activities.

- Let's put this kid in the penalty box

and get on with our days.

- Hey, Where'd you get that?

- Uh, ooh!

- Clyde, I think we're about to lose.

Bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu-bu--

- It's only a matter of time.

- Well, if no one thinks I'm innocent,

we have to prove one of them is guilty.

- How are we going to do that?

- I've got a plan.

- Counselor, do you have a rebuttal?

- I don't, Your Honor.

But we do.

- Say hello to Clincoln McCloud, attorneys at law.

[funky guitar music]

♪ ♪

Thanks, Luna.

Could you please state your name for the court?

- I'm your mom.

- Oh.

Then could you please point me in the direction

of your daughter?

Aha, just as I suspected.

- Amateur hour.

- Clyde, the evidence, please.

[dramatic music]

Could you confirm for the court that this oily rag

left at the crime scene is indeed yours?

- Uh, yes, I can.

- Let's walk through the events of last night, shall we?

[Lincoln impersonating Lynn] - My name is Lynn Loud.

Look at me oiling up my rollerblades

with this flammable rag.

I guess I'll just leave it right here by the stove.

Hope nothing bad happens.

Swish.

Nothing but counter.

- Objection.

The witness does not sound like that.

- I'll allow it.

Because it was kind of funny.

Continue.

- You weren't alone in that kitchen last night.

[Lincoln impersonating Dad] - I'm Dad.

I'm just here doing nothing while reading

my favorite cookbook.

♪ Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo ♪

- [gavel pounding]

Objection sustained.

That was not very funny and a little hurtful.

- Do these look familiar to you?

- I can explain those.

- Allow me.

♪ Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo ♪

[Clyde impersonating Lucy] I'm Lucy Loud.

Where should I leave these super-flammable

black magic scrolls?

Hmm, how about in the toaster oven?

Sigh.

- You've got no shot with Angie.

[Clyde impersonating Dad] - I'm Dad.

I'm pouring myself a big glass of-- uh, gravy.

Yep, ain't nothing better than some gravy.

- [Lincoln impersonating Lola] And I'm Lola.

I just came home from a pageant.

A-bam, check out my big, flammable, feather boa.

[dramatic music]

[Lincoln/Clyde's voices] ♪ Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo-dee-doo ♪

♪ Doo-dee-doo-dee-doo-dee-doo ♪

[together] Objection.

- Sustained!

- Thank you.

- The point is there were lots of flammable objects laying

around in the kitchen last night,

none of which were put there by my client.

- Objection.

It doesn't matter who put flammable objects

in the kitchen.

Flammable objects don't burn kitchens down

unless they're flammable-bled.

- Set on fire?

- Sure.

And Lincoln Loud was the only one

who could have set that fire.

- Well, that's enough for me.

- I never turned the stove on.

Clyde, I never turned the stove on.

- The court finds--

- Wait.

I call to the stand Lincoln Loud.

[dramatic guitar music]

both: What?

- Please tell the court what you just told me.

- Leni's right.

I was the only one in the kitchen this morning.

And I do like to make indoor s'mores.

But then I realized my show was about to start.

So I went to watch it, and I forgot to turn the stove on.

- He forgot to turn the stove on.

And if the stove wasn't on, we must move on.

- Oh, I can't argue with that.

He rhymed.

All right, you're all grounded.

[indistinct chatter]

Get your toothbrushes.

- Your Honor?

So you were watching your show, and you forgot

you were even making s'mores?

- That's right.

- So you're a forgetful person?

- Well--

- So if you forgot you were making s'mores,

can you have also forgotten that you turned the stove on?

You turned the stove on, left the room,

and burned the kitchen down!

- Clyde?

- Objection, Your Honor.

- On what grounds?

- We're going to lose.

- Yeah, you are.

Every fire starts with a spark.

And the spark that started this fire was Lincoln Loud!

The prosecution rests and does a little victory dance.

[upbeat music]

[together] Whoo!

Go, Leni, go, Leni. Whoo!

- OK. Order.

Order. - Go, Leni.

- I'm sorry, Lincoln.

I failed you.

- I didn't do it, Clyde.

I didn't start that fire.

- I believe you.

But what did?

[mystical music]

- I'm ready to issue my verdict.

Now, where are my glasses?

- Your Honor, I'd like to call one more witness to the stand.

- Sorry, Clyde, I think it's over.

- Who's the judge here?

I'll give you a hint, Lynn Loud Sr.,

and I will Lynn-a-Loud it.

- I'd like to call to the stand Lynn Loud Sr.

[dramatic music]

- Whoo-hoo!

Ha-ha!

♪ Bring on the judge ♪

♪ Here comes the judge ♪

♪ Here come the judge ♪

- Rita, Rita?

- That's Your Honor.

Now give me the robe, and sit your butt down.

[tense violin music]

♪ ♪

- Ahh!

- Mr. Loud, you occasionally wear reading glasses, correct?

- No.

- May I remind you you're under oath?

- Then, yes.

- And you misplace your glasses a lot?

- Objection.

- ♪ Overruled ♪

♪ Oh, overruled ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[gavel pounding]

♪ Overruled ♪

- Isn't that a little much?

- Answer the question.

- Yes, I do misplace my glasses a lot.

I have, like, pair of them. They know. They know.

I lose them all the time.

- Well, I think I can find a pair.

Would everyone please follow me into the kitchen?

- What now?

[indistinct chatter]

- The glasses are right there.

- Oh, big whoop.

You solved the case of the missing glasses.

What are you doing?

- Just as you said, every fire starts with a spark.

And the spark that started this fire was Mr. Loud's glasses.

- [all gasping]

- Gasp.

While Lincoln was in the other room,

the sunlight went through the glasses,

caught the rag on fire, traveled across the boa

to Lucy's scrolls, to Lincoln s'mores.

And the rest is history.

Lincoln Loud doesn't start fires.

He puts them out.

- That was good.

- The court finds the defendant not guilty of burning down

the kitchen.

[gavel pounds]

- Oh.

both: Yeah!

- Case closed.

Go enjoy your Saturdays.

[all cheering]

- Whoo!

- All right, let's do it, Saturday, Saturday.

- Oh, not so fast, Sparky.

- [clears throat] - Time to start scrubbing.

Oh, also, here are your glasses.

Don't want you to miss a spot.

[quirky music]

♪ ♪

- Another riveting session of "Loud House Family Court"

has come to a close.

I'm here with the winners.

How does it feel to be vindicated, guys?

- It feels great.

Now we're off to find our sunken treasure.

But at the end of the day, there's no greater

treasure than the truth.

And the truth is...

both: We're going to be rich!

- Let's go, mateys.

There's gold in the bottom of that there lake.

Let's go!

- Whoo!