02x03 - The Tennessee Surprise: Love Is in the Air

[bunniefuu]

- [whistles] - Come on!

It's picture time!

[upbeat music]

♪ In the Loud house, the really Loud house ♪

[thud]

[screaming]

I know what you're saying to yourself.

How did I end up in Tennessee on a hot air balloon

with my girlfriend, my best friend,

my worst teacher, and this kid?

Like most things in my life, it all started with a plan.

And it all started about a month ago.

- Clyde, who lives in Tennessee? - Your girlfriend.

And whose birthday is on the same weekend as the debate?

- Your girlfriend. - Charlie Uggo,

the girl I haven't seen in over a year.

- That's a long time. - The girl I miss so much,

sometimes I talk to the moon and pretend she can hear me.

Yeah, I wouldn't go wide with that.

And now, there's a free bus driving directly to her.

I see a plan brewing.

We got to get on that debate team.

But we don't know how to debate.

- Yes, we do. - No, we don't.

- Yes, we do. - No, we don't.

- Yes, we do. - No, we don't.

- Yes, we do. - You convinced me.

-Let's do it. - Debate team, here we come.

[bell rings]

You boys can't just join the debate team.

- both: Yes, we can. - No, you can't.

- both: Yes, we can. - No, you can't.

- both: Yes, we can. - No, you can't.

both: Yes, we can.

Congratulations, boys.

You're on the debate team.

♪ ♪

After a month of planning,

I'm finally heading to Tennessee

to give the girl I love the surprise of her life.

[phone chiming]

And there she is right now.

Decline.

♪ ♪

You're probably wondering what that was,

besides very smooth.

I've been avoiding Charlie's phone calls for the past month

because I don't want to risk ruining my big surprise.

While I may be the man with the plan,

I'm also the man with a history of ruining surprises.

- Bye, dude. - Love you.

- Have fun in Tennessee. - Have fun watching the movie.

You're gonna love it.

The k*ller is the handyman.

[all protesting]

It's different in the sequel, though.

The handyman's dead the whole time.

[all shouting]

Well, guess we don't have to finish this movie.

I did a poopy. It's a big one.

- Who wants it? - [all arguing]

There's only one way to settle this.

Only feed her cheese so she can't poop?

Rock, paper, scissors, single elimination.

No lassos. No sand paper. No dynamite. On three.

Go!

[all talking at once]

[all talking and arguing]

It's a sad day in the Loud house.

Look at you,

playing schoolyard games while your sweet little sister

sits up there with a loaded diaper.

We're a family. We're supposed to have each other's backs,

even if that back is covered in poop.

And don't think I haven't been there.

Last week, she had a blowout

that reached the top of her head.

I had to throw out

your great-grandmother's velvet chair.

Now, who's gonna do it?

[all protesting]

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

What do I say about this family?

kids was too many.

Change the bath water every three sisters.

- Mom's pregnant again. - [coughs]

If you lose the remote, you are the remote.

Mom's pregnant again?

We show up for each other.

- Oh. - Oh.

The best part about being a Loud is,

no matter what happens, someone's always there for you.

- Dad? - Not now, sweetie!

I'm dispensing parental wisdom here.

I will change Lily's diaper,

but I want everyone to know that

I have a deadline at the paper

so this is the last mess that I am cleaning up today.

- [softly] - No, wait. Let me help.

Oh, I guess she didn't hear me. Where was I?

You were dispensing parental wisdom.

Oh, right. [snaps]

- Picnic basket? - Ordered and paid for.

I chose a summer sausage ensemble.

- Suit and top hat. - In the bag.

Flowers?

Thank you, Mrs. Pittman.

- Hey! - Ooh. Sorry, Mrs. Pittman.

- Hot air balloon? - Check.

Turns out, I only had to pay for the balloon.

They throw in the hot air for free.

And Charlie thinks she won it in a radio contest, right?

- [deep announcer voice] - Congratulations, Charlie.

You just won a free hot air balloon ride,

compliments of Tennessee's number one morning DJs,

Skeeter and the Dump Truck.

You're the best friend a guy could ask for.

[deep announcer voice] I feel the same way about you.

I can't stop doing this voice. [clears throat]

[normally] You're really going all out

for Charlie on this one.

Hey, I'll do anything for the girl that I love.

[phone chiming]

"Decline-er-oni."

She's gonna be so surprised.

Lucky gal.

Each of you is holding an envelope.

In said envelope is a specific Lily-based task

that you will carry out from this day forward.

Now, before you open them--

- What? - Ooh, I got bedtime songs.

I gotta wipe her butt forever?

Each task has been specifically tailored

to your unique skill sets and abilities,

so no switching.

[all arguing]

Open the door.

Open the door! Open the door!

Just put it next to the velvet chair.

[sighs] I am k*lling it today.

♪ ♪

Where is everybody?

- Trip's canceled. - What?

School doesn't want to pay for the team anymore,

and they said it wasn't up for debate. Kind of ironic.

Mr. Bolhofner, I have to get to Tennessee.

Will you please take us?

Why would I spend my weekend driving to Tennessee

with a couple of duds like you? No offense.

- You see, there's this girl. - A girl, huh?

Well, I do have a soft spot for matters of the heart.

And I guess we have the passenger van

and the permission slips.

All right. I'll do it.

both: You're the best, Mr. Bolhofner.

I'm not gonna debate you.

- both: Ah! - [laughs]

- Awesome! - Let's do it.

[upbeat music]

You boys haven't touched your chipmunk skewers.

No matter how I hold it, it's looking at me.

So you're really pulling out all the stops

-with this girl, huh? - She's worth it.

Long distance is tough but I'm getting pretty good at it.

The key is communication.

[phone chiming]

- Nope. - [chuckles]

Mmm.

You know, I was in love once. She stole my heart.

And then she stole my TV, my couch,

and my puppy, Buttercup.

How could she do that?

Ah, she told me she didn't love me anymore.

And the dog hated me,

and I've been alone ever since.

Hard to believe.

Well, don't let my sob story turn you guys sour.

I think this hot air balloon surprise is real romantic.

I may be rough on the exterior, but deep down,

I'm a sensitive guy. Punch buggy red!

- [winces] - No, sorry.

-Blue! - Oof!

The truth is, when it comes to parenting,

you never know when inspiration's gonna hit.

I really need to get back to my article.

he key to my parenting is tenfold.

-Fold one-- - Have you ever thought about

writing any of this stuff down,

like, in a separate room?

You mean, like, a parenting book?

That is an amazing idea. - [sighs]

[keyboard clacking]

-[loud thud] - Ah. Ha-ha-ha!

OK. [clears throat]

[exhales]

Chapter one.

[clicking pen annoyingly]

I'm a pen and paper guy.

Ah.

Chapter one, mastering meal time.

- Eat 'em. - No!

- Eat your peas, Lily! - You eat the peas.

Family dinners provide a relaxing environment

in the household.

- Brush your teeth! - Not until she eats her peas!

No! I hate peas.

It's bath time.

She can eat her peas and brush her teeth in the tub.

No!

Do you want to hear what I have so far?

Oh. I wasn't recording.

[keyboard clacking]

- [farts]

[groans]

[chuckles]

[window crank creaking] Ooh.

[inhales]

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

Surprise! Happy birthday, Charlie.

This is the best day of my life.

And the fact that you ignored my calls for a month

makes it even better.

Well, I am the man with the plan.

You're my man with the plan.

[in Mr. Bolhofner's voice] Punch buggy red.

- Where are we? - We're at my ex-wife's house.

You've inspired me to believe in love again.

You're gonna get your ex-wife back?

No. I'm gonna get my dog back.

And you guys are gonna help me.

Put these on. - What?

You boys are gonna create a distraction

by pretending to be vacuum cleaner salesmen. Here.

I'm gonna wear this mask of my ex-wife's face,

trick the dog into thinking I'm her,

and lure it back to the van.

I hate to spoil what's obviously a perfect plan.

- That mask is dynamite. - Thank you.

But I don't think we have time to do this

and make it to Tennessee in time for my surprise.

Nope.

If I'm not in that balloon basket

by the time my girlfriend shows up,

- this whole thing falls apart. - Yep.

I suppose you boys could just walk to Tennessee.

[dramatic music]

Here's your mini-vac. Let's suit up.

Bath time's done.

Jammy time!

Did somebody say "jammy time"?

♪ Silly Lily, time for bed ♪

♪ Silly Lily bathed and fed ♪

♪ Silly Lily's goodnight song ♪

[intense rock voice] ♪ Go to sleep ♪

Time to brush her hair.

[pleasant music]

♪ ♪

Voilà.

- I don't like it. - Sigh.

Who's ready for a bedtime story?

Me.

I'll read her a bedtime story.

Lucy!

There once was a baby who was running for her life.

-She never made it. - I got this.

[book slams] - Sigh.

Little Susie loved everything:

her kitty cat, ice cream, and the big, blue sky.

Why is the sky blue?

- 'Cause it wants to be pretty. - Why?

- So it can impress the sun. - Why?

Because the sun's super hot.

But what little Susie loved most was wishes.

And that's why, every night,

she wished upon a sh**ting star.

The end.

What's a sh**ting star?

Something you wish upon. The end.

What is it really?

- I'll tell you tomorrow. - Tell me tonight!

OK, um...

I know the answer, but I'm just going to go to the bathroom.

[chuckles]

Lisa, what is a sh**ting star?

I've been reading Lily bedtime stories,

and she won't stop asking me questions.

You got book duty? I got doody duty.

There's not a star in the universe big enough

to wish away this smell.

OK. I'm trying to wrap this up,

so can you just give me the short answer?

A sh**ting star isn't actually a star.

Great.

A sh**ting star isn't actually a star.

- Why? - Why?

Because it's actually a meteor.

Because it's actually a meteor.

- Why? - Why?

Because , of them enter our atmosphere each year.

It's only a matter of time

till one of them slams into Earth,

ending all life on our planet as we know it.

Got it.

-Wait, what? - Hope that helps.

[dramatic music]

[mimics expl*si*n]

[peaceful music]

♪ ♪

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[panting]

[laughter]

[panting]

I can't believe we pretended to be vacuum cleaner salesmen.

I can't believe I made a sale.

It's a quality product.

Nice work, boys!

Say hello to Buttercup.

[Buttercup barking]

Chipmunk, skewer?

[Buttercup chomps]

That's my girl.

Next stop, whatever your thing is.

Buckle up, boys.

[Buttercup barking]

So through all my hard-earned wisdom,

I conclude...

this is the ideal beard for my book jacket photo.

Now, on to poses.

Hey, let's take some pictures.

You need to take a break, right?

Creative breaks. - [sighs]

[clears throat]

I don't know what you're doing with your--

OK. Moving on.

Whoa.

[clears throat]

Oh.

I'm on a deadline.

[clears throat]

Oh, OK.

I can't get you all in.

Oh, well just back up a little.

No.

I'm out of here.

Writer's block, huh?

Yeah, that's a good idea. You know what?

We should get the good camera. [door slams]

Hey, I need you to run downstairs

and grab me a warm glass of milk.

I'm done with Lily duty.

We're off Lily duty.

We're on Leni duty now.

What's wrong with Leni?

There's a meteor headed for Earth.

Take cover.

Another sh**ting star. It could happen any minute!

Now, now, or now?

It's OK, Leni.

I'm gonna play you a bedtime song.

♪ Twinkle, twinkle ♪

Oh, no!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Still waiting on that warm milk!

[guitar thuds]

[Buttercup barking]

Are you sure that chicken wire cage is gonna hold her?

Don't worry. Buttercup loves me.

As long as I'm here, she won't hurt you.

And we're gonna make it just in time

for your girlfriend's birthday surprise.

Ha, ha. [siren wails]

Or maybe not!

[Buttercup barks]

[siren wails]

All right. So far, I've got you for expired plates,

using a paper plate to impersonate a woman,

assaulting an officer and then yelling "punch buggy."

When I see a buggy, I punch.

Well, I'm gonna have to take you downtown and book you.

Well, there's no way we're gonna make it there on time.

I ignored Charlie's calls for days.

I can't believe it's gonna end like this.

Don't worry. I got you, buddy.

It's called "punch buggy."

You have to let our teacher go.

- No, I don't. - Yes, you do.

- No, I don't. - Yes, you do.

- No, I don't. - Yes, you do.

- No, I don't. - [groans]

- Whoo. - That guy's good.

All right, enough messing around

trying to make me look like a clown.

Drop that frown, all right? We're going downtown.

That's a lot of rhymes.

Well, that wasn't intentional.

Well, it was still pretty cool.

Officer Tryber, have you ever been in love?

[scoffs]

I haven't seen my girlfriend in over a year.

All I want to do is see her face and

give her the best birthday surprise ever.

In the past month, I have rented out a hot air balloon,

impersonated a vacuum cleaner salesman...

- [chuckles] - Joined a debate team,

and absorbed more farts than

my great-grandma's velvet chair.

That's right. We noticed.

And if I don't make it to my girlfriend in time,

then that hot air balloon is gonna float away,

along with all my hopes and dreams.

I may never believe in love again.

[gentle music]

We got a --,

long-distance relationship in jeopardy.

Follow me. Let's get you to that girl.

Yes!

- A plus, boys. - Whoo!

[siren wails] [engine revs]

Good morning!

I'm going with the Van d*ke and the monocle

for the book cover. What do you think?

Oh. [chuckles]

Sorry, I put some leftover peas in my ears

so I could get this thing finished.

Thoughts?

Lose the monocle.

I can't. It's glued in.

The fumes are really starting to dry out my eyeball.

Anyway, I mean, the book cover's the first thing

that people look at.

[keyboard clacking]

[muffled dialogue]

Is it a firm no on the monocle?

I mean, I really want to get this right.

[keyboard clacking]

Mm, I--I agree.

You're a great dad. The kids say so all the time.

The kids. That's it!

I have to have the kids with me on the book cover

to show that I'm the best dad.

Show, don't tell. It's the first rule of writing.

Kids!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Go, get her, kid.

Whew. Keep it together, Trevor. [groans]

♪ ♪

The egg is in the basket.

I'm the egg, and the basket is the basket.

The bird is heading for the egg.

Charlie's the bird. You're the egg.

I can't believe you won this for us.

You're the best girlfriend ever.

The bird is flying with another bird,

a handsome bird.

Lincoln, there's a complication!

I know. I left the picnic basket in the van.

[tense music]

Oh, no.

The dog has left the van.

Who's the dog?

Am I the van or the basket?

Never mind. She's here.

Surprise! Happy birthday, Charlie.

- Lincoln? - That's right.

I faked a radio contest and got you a hot air balloon ride

for your birthday.

Who's the best boyfriend in the world?

And who's this?

Are you the dog?

I've been trying to get ahold of you for a month.

I know! I've been ignoring your calls

because I didn't want to ruin my big surprise.

You know I can't keep a secret.

Is this your brother?

No, Lincoln.

Cousin? Friend?

Colleague? Neighbor.

[sighs]

This is my boyfriend, Marcus.

I'm sorry, Lincoln.

That's why I've been trying to call you.

Boyfriend?

That is awesome.

Well, then, I guess I will bid you adieu.

[somber music]

Oh.

When you fly over the south part of town,

you're gonna see a cornfield that has

"Lincoln and Charlie forever" carved into the crops.

So...enjoy that.

Buttercup is loose! Buttercup is loose!

[Buttercup barking] - [screaming]

My ex-wife was right. That dog hates me!

[Buttercup barking]

Hey, no!

all: No, no, no!

[all screaming]

Stay calm, people. Stay calm!

[all screaming]

[wind whistling]

- Clyde, you remember Charlie. - Hey.

This is her boyfriend, Marcus.

What's up?

[whispers] This might be the worst day of my life.

[whispers] It'll all be over soon.

According to my coordinates and wind speed,

looks like we'll be up here for another and / hours.

[awkward music]

♪ ♪

So, how did you two meet?

OK, everybody, line up. Cutest ones up front.

Where are Leni, Luna, and Luan?

♪ Twinkle, twinkle, sh**ting star ♪

- Where have you guys been? - She's been having a--

We got to get this photo just right. Here we go.

- OK, OK. Let's get this over with.

-[camera shutter snaps] - sh**ting star!

OK, what's going on with Leni?

It's Lisa's fault.

- Yeah, she scared her. - Science scared her.

You should have let me finish my dead baby story.

[all arguing]

It was Lily duty. It was a disaster.

[all arguing]

OK, come on. Let's do this.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Where--where's Lincoln?

[phone ringing]

I'm on my way.

Mr. Bolhofner said that the balloon's landing

somewhere near Springfield in the next hour.

Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?

No, you stay here and write your article.

At least we'll have one writer in the family.

Don't be so hard on yourself.

Well, it's just, my whole Lily idea was a disaster.

And I didn't even know my one and only son

was in another state, having his heart broken.

I shouldn't be giving parenting advice to anybody.

Hey, I'm sure there are plenty of great tips in here.

Did you just practice your signature on every page?

I couldn't think of anything.

[door opens]

[door closes]

Me, writing a book? What was I thinking?

Hey, what's going on?

Our little brother got his heart broken,

and we're gonna be there for him.

In this family, we show up for each other.

You taught us that.

Aw.

Get in here.

[laughter]

You guys are the best.

Wait up.

I can write the rest of this in the car.

[all chattering]

Hey.

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

Goodbye, Charlie.

Tough one, buddy.

You boys still owe me homework on Monday.

- both: No, we don't. - Yes, you do.

- both: No, we don't. - Yes, you do.

both: No, we don't.

Oh, whatever.

[horn honks]

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

Hey, there he is.

[all chattering]

Everybody's asleep. [sighs]

- Even Leni. - Oh, Leni.

Well, I decided I'm not gonna write my parenting book.

But I did write one thing I'm proud of.

"To my beautiful wife, Rita,

the best 'riter' and best mother I know."

Oh, honey. You misspelled "writer."

[sighs]

Maybe I'll do a podcast.

♪ ♪