06x07 - I Have to Do the Right Thing

[bunniefuu]

Where do we draw the line
on what we consider evil

and who's capable of it?

What Alec did,
I can certainly understand

why people would call that
or him evil.

My son did something
more horrible

than most people's children
ever do.

But to dismiss him as simply
an evil individual

is ignoring a lot of the story.

Turn my son in,
go to the police, or...

Betray everything I said
my life is about

and lie
or not come forward.

He was my son.

How can I turn my son in
for this crime?

How can that be the right thing?

When you're in that mode
of desperation, it's just...

It's amazing
where your mind will go.

I was trying to imagine
scenarios where I could help

Alec get away with it,

and perhaps, you know,
they would never find out.

We could just run away
from this.

But it wasn't the right
thing to do.

The right thing to do
was to come forward.

How can I not do
the right thing?

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captions paid for by
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this is a picture
of me with my boys.

Alec is maybe 7 or 8.

Alec was a typical child
a lot of times.

You know, this photo just shows
a happy young boy

who's hanging out with
his little brother and his dad.

A happy little boy that,
you know, I often remember

before things
kind of turned darker.

There's often moments I look
at a picture of him and go,

"I can't believe this happened.
I should've seen it coming.

I should've done something
to stop this."

But for me, he wasn't
that different

from a lot of children.

But somehow, somewhere,
something, you know, went wrong.

Alec's mother and I
had three children.

My oldest is a daughter,
and Alec was my oldest son,

and I have a younger son.

Even from the day he was born,
he had an edge of anger

to him that my other
two children didn't.

It was more intense.

And disciplining Alec was...
Was really challenging

because he didn't care about it.

Hey, Alec, it's time
to go to bed.

One time, it was time
to stop playing a game,

and he decided he didn't want
to stop playing a game,

and he got defiant
and just wouldn't listen.

You need to stop playing
and get into your pajamas.

I'm gonna count to 3.

We used 1, 2, 3,
magic discipline.

You know, you count to 1, you
count to 2, when you get to 3,

that means you're gonna
have to go into time-out.

I started counting 1, and he
threw his arms back by his side,

just stared at me straight
in the face, said, "2, 3."

And just stood there
and stared at me.

Like, "what are you
gonna do now?"

He didn't care
that I was his dad.

I'm not going to bed.
I want to keep playing!

Don't take that tone
with me.

He was just being
really belligerent

and talking back
and yelling at me.

And I said, "you speak to me
that way again,

I'm gonna take one
of your favorite toys."

I don't care.
Take them.

Take all of them!

Then, he refused to calm down,

continued to behave in that way,
and each time, I said,

"I'm gonna take another
one of the toys you play with."

I'm not going to bed,
and you can't make me.

I don't care about
that stuff.

Take all of it!

And, eventually, I had basically
every toy

that he played with that he kept
in his room in a garbage bag.

I said, "you'll get them back
when you apologize."

And he never did, never asked
for a single thing back.

And it got to the point
where I figured,

well, this was kind of pointless
because he doesn't care.

Literally, it was about
a month later,

I just finally put them
back in his room

because it had no impact.

Felt kind of helpless,
frankly, as a parent

because I had no idea what to do
trying to deal with him

when he was
in one of those moods.

On the other side of the coin,
I thought that his...

The strong will that he had
would serve him really well

if we could channel
that into a constructive way.

When Alec got really angry,

it was as if he almost
lost control of who he was.

Anything could set Alec off.

You know, if he didn't
want to do it,

it could be as simple
as picking up his toys

or coming to dinner
if he didn't want to.

We each have a job to do, buddy,
so you need to help, too.

I don't want to!

I know you don't want to,
but you have to.

- No!
- Yes.

I don't remember what it was
about,

but whatever it was,
he was so furious.

He was kind of just on the edge
of kind of losing it.

Alec, you're not listening.

We sent him to his room,
closed the door.

It was, frankly, pretty quiet.

Then we kind of heard
this crashing sound.

Is he okay?

I'll check it out.

I'm sure everything's fine.

He had punched out the window
in his bedroom.

First response was,
"are you okay?"

He was fortunate enough
he didn't cut himself

or hurt himself.

What were you thinking?

I just got angry.

And I thought, "well, I need
to teach him a lesson."

He had been saving his birthday
money, his allowance money,

Christmas money
to buy a guitar.

You can't!
That's my money!

I know, but you need to learn

that your actions
have consequences.

We sat him down, told him that,
"you broke this window.

You're gonna have to pay
for it."

He was really kind of upset
and devastated

about having to pay
for that window.

That's no fair!

And I felt like the worst parent
in the world.

I'm sorry.

I just didn't know
what to do with him.

But then there'd be
all this good behavior.

So you'd think, "okay.

That good's gonna eventually
outweigh this darkness."

Whoa, get him!

Get him! Go!

Up, up, up!

Alec did not have
a lot of friends,

but Alec and his little brother
played a lot of games together.

Go down! I'm trying, I'm trying.

The majority of the time,

they had a nice
brotherly relationship.

Well, I'm gonna play
as the other guy.

No!
Don't!

But when his little brother
would make a mistake

or something bad
would happen in the game,

sometimes Alec would lose it.

You made me die!

Stop it! Stop it, Alec!
Get off!

I came in one time, and he was
straddling his little brother.

And he kind of had his arms
around his neck

or on his shoulders.

Alec!

You could really see that he was
struggling to control himself,

that he was so angry
it almost felt like

he really wanted
to hurt somebody,

but he knew he ought not to,
so he didn't.

And I think that's the part
that alarmed me the most,

that it felt like
he was close to losing

that last little bit of control

he maintained
when he got really angry.

We don't hurt people.

You have to find a way
to cool down in those moments.

I would try and talk to him...
"nobody can make you angry.

You get angry on your own."

I said, "if your little brother
does something

that you don't like,
your anger

is you making a decision
to get angry over that."

Tell your brother you're sorry.

Sorry.

I didn't have any siblings,

and I talked to people
who had brothers and sisters,

and they say they fought
like cats and dogs,

so I didn't take it

as an overwhelming concern
at the time.

Why don't you go cool down
in your room for a little while.

You okay?

But the anger inside him
was irrational.

And how to release that anger
was what he struggled with.

I can't believe
he used this knife.

I would've never imagined that
what happened

would've happened
with that knife

at the hands of my son.

When Alec was little,
what most of us consider,

for the most part,
harmless little things

would just set him off.

It might sound silly...

One of the biggest things
we had to walk on eggshells

about was depending
on what we ate for dinner.

It was actually
really good today.

What are you guys
working on now?

There was one night we were
having something

with potato chips.

And his little brother
was sitting beside him,

and he started eating his chips.

And I could see Alec glance
at him

out of the corner of his eye.

The noise of the chewing
would really get him agitated.

He would stare at the table,

and he would just
shake his head.

Sometimes
he would clench his fists

and just put them
on the table.

It was almost like it
was intolerable for him.

It seemed like when he got
so upset at his little brother

that it was almost like
he wanted to hurt him.

Instead, he just kind of
got disgusted,

pushed himself away
from the table,

and left the room
to go finish his meal.

He couldn't stand being
in the same room

with all of us
eating potato chips.

I tried to talk to him
numerous times

about why the chewing
bothered him.

He didn't know
why it bothered him.

It just did.

And the hard part as a parent,
when does it cross over

into an area where
you really need to be concerned?

And when is it the behavior or
the attitude's something that,

"wow, this is really a problem"?

I don't know.
I don't know.

When Alec's mother
and I split up,

he would've been right around


We worked out a joint-custody
relationship,

so it was one week
at my house

and then one week
at their mother's house.

Alec's reaction to the divorce
was kind of typical Alec.

He said, "well, it just
makes me angry."

So I thought, "okay. We've had
these issues with his anger.

Let's see if we can get him
into some kind of counseling

or therapy to help him deal
with that anger."

And he was in counseling
for quite a few months.

The therapist seemed to help.

He was improving.
He was getting better.

His outbursts were not nearly
as frequent when he was younger.

We'd go out and visit my father

and my grandfather in the house
that I grew up in.

We went out to visit one time,
and I was going through things.

Just reliving some nostalgia.

Hey, Alec, take a look
at all this stuff I found.

And there was a small knife
that I had that I used

as kind of my hunting knife
when I was a kid.

Cool!

Your grandfather
gave it to me.

And Alec thought it was
really neat.

He said he really liked it.

That knife was given to me
by my dad,

so I told him,
"if you like it..."

Now I would like to
give it to you.

"...you may have it."

Would you like that? Yeah.

So it's kind of like father
handing down to his oldest son,

you know, just a token
of my childhood.

Now, remember this is a tool.

But made it pretty clear
it's not a toy.

It's not something
you play with.

You need to be responsible
with it.

If you ever do anything
irresponsible with this,

whether towards somebody
or anything,

you're gonna lose it.
I'll take it back.

I won't.
I promise.

He said he understood.

Just didn't seem like
a big deal.

At the time.

Now help me with this stuff,
okay?

Yeah, that looks like
the knife that I gave Alec.

It was just part
of my childhood

I was trying to hand
down to my son.

It's like a generational thing.

I would've never imagined that
what happened

would've happened with that
knife at the hands of my son.

I can't believe he used
this knife.

My biggest concerns
for Alec occurred

when he was getting
into that 14-,


I saw his mood changing.

Yeah, these are photos of Alec
in four consecutive years

that I came across a little
while after all this happened.

It was striking to me,
the change

I saw in Alec in these photos.

I look at the one in 7th grade,

there's this, you know,
fun little smile, relaxed.

But then something shifted.

You look at his 9th-grade photo,

and now there's
this little smile,

but it's almost more of a smirk,

like he didn't even want
to smile,

but he made
a little bit of effort.

Then you go to his photo
in 10th grade,

shortly before
all this happened,

and there's not even
a pretense of a smile.

When he got at 14, 15,
he seemed depressed.

He started to go to his room
a little more often,

less interactive
with the family.

But how much is that a teenager

just wanting
to do his own thing?

It didn't seem uncommon.

He was just a typical teenager.

He'll be all right.

All right, these two photos are
from Alec's 16th birthday party.

There's only two pictures here
because he was

in a very unhappy mood that day.

It wasn't the celebration
we anticipated.

Most people when they turn 16,
it's a pretty big deal.

They're pretty excited.

Oh, you guys cut
into the cake, huh?

We had a birthday party for him,
and he was just really unhappy,

kind of brooding, just didn't
even want to celebrate.

Hey, Alec, why don't you come in
here and open some presents?

I had to certainly encourage him

to even come to the table
and participate.

He was just so dark.

Not angry dark, just...

Miserable.
Didn't want to be there.

He didn't want to celebrate
his birthday.

Opened his gifts,
didn't care what he got.

Ooh. that's so cool.

- Oh, that's nice.
- Try it on, honey.

Like life was too much effort
to just even be there.

So, we just kind of let him
open his presents,

had some cake, and...

I'll be in my room.

...then he just went off
to his room.

If you'll excuse me.
I'll be right back.

So, I went up to check on him,
knocked on the door.

"Hey, you know, what's going on?

Can you come down a little bit?"

Hey, buddy, you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

You don't seem fine.

But when I tried to talk to him
about, "what are you feeling?

What's going on?"

He's having these dark thoughts,

and he just doesn't want
to share them,

and I wouldn't understand
and things like that.

Is there something
bothering you?

You wouldn't understand.

He would just speak
in generalities and vagueness,

but it was enough to let me know
he was struggling

and he didn't know
what to do with it.

I don't really want to talk
about it any more.

I wasn't sure if it was just


or something deeper,
but at the end of the day,

I really had no idea
how dark his feelings were

and what he was really
struggling with,

how big the conflict
really was.

Somebody came to our door
and rang our doorbell,

and I opened it up and it was
a couple of police officers.

They just kind of showed up
and asked to speak to Alec.

Alec didn't have
a big friend base,

but his one friend was Kevin.

He was an extremely
polite young man.

Every time I was around him,
he would be courteous.

I mean, he was involved
in the boy scouts,

you know, went to church.

They had fun just hanging out
and doing teenage-boy stuff.

Kevin had an older sister,

and mom, she taught
Sunday school.

You know, dad was a salesman
in just this wonderful family.

It was almost like
"leave it to beaver."

Hey, dad.

Um, would it be okay if
I slept over at Kevin's tonight?

Sounds good.

You guys have fun.

Alec spent a fair amount
of time in their home,

and he would often go
for sleepovers.

It seemed like it was
a very good friendship.

And so I was real happy that,
you know,

Alec had Kevin as a friend.

It was a spring Saturday day.

I was going to pick up
my daughter

at her mother's house
for a belated birthday lunch.

Honey, hey.
What happened?

My daughter opened the door,
and she was crying.

Wasn't kind of the greeting
I was expecting.

And I asked her, uh,
what was the matter,

and she told me
that somebody had k*lled Kevin.

They're dead...
Him and his parents.

Not only was Kevin k*lled,
but so were his, uh,

mother and father.

So they were all three k*lled
the night before.

Apparently it was a relatively
gruesome crime scene.

Kevin's sister heard commotion,

and, uh, she ran for help,
called the police.

That's how she escaped.

Police had no idea
who had done it.

It's going to be okay.

I'm sure they'll find
whoever did this.

My first reaction
was kind of disbelief.

I mean, we had just been
with Kevin

and his father a few days ago.

So it was kind of shocking
to hear that, you know,

something had happened to Kevin.

So I asked if Alec was around.

Is your brother here?

How's he doing?

He...
He's up in his room.

He won't come out.

I was very worried
that this would push Alec

over that edge where he would
just finally lose it,

break down,
and not be able to handle it.

Losing one of his best friends
could be really,

really difficult
for him right now.

Yeah?

He's up in his room,
so I went up to check.

Knocked on the door,
heard this...

Heard an audible "yeah,"
and went in.

And he's laying on his bed,

and he was crying
and seemed really upset.

Alec, I'm so sorry.

I asked him how he was doing,
and I just got, like,

this barely audible "okay."

I'm okay.
I'm fine.

I try to talk to him.
"Dad, I'm okay. I'm fine."

He wouldn't talk about it.

And he just dozed off...

You know, just fell asleep
sitting there with me.

In retrospect, I don't see
anything in that behavior

that would've sent me
any kind of alarm or concern.

Good evening, sir.

A few days after the m*rder,

somebody came to our door
and rang our doorbell.

And I opened up, and it was
a couple police officers.

Mr. Kreider,
is your son home?

Yes.

We'd like to have a word
with him.

Sure.
Come on in.

They just kind of showed up
and asked to speak to Alec.

Do you know anyone
that would want to hurt Kevin?

Uh, not really that
I can think of, no.

I sat close by.

I just wanted to hear
what they were asking,

and I wanted to make sure
Alec was okay.

And you played online
with other folks?

Sometimes.

They were asking about the video
games, what they did online...

Just trying to get details
about,

you know, anything that he might
know that might be of use.

Which led me to believe
that they had no real leads

or any idea who
could've possibly done it.

Has anybody given you
a hard time?

I watch his demeanor,
and it was typical Alec.

He answered the questions,
you know,

didn't seem overly upset.

He just seemed to answer
the questions in a...

An honest, reasonable way
at the time.

I'm sorry.
I wish I could be more help.

I don't know if he was
ever a suspect or not.

If you think of anything at all,
please give us a call.

The few facts I knew
about the crime,

there was no signs
of any forced entry.

So it would appear
as so somebody knew

they could get into the house
without having to break in.

Appeared to be a personal crime.

We're gonna go.

Thank you, officers.

So there were points
where I would wonder,

could he have had
something to do with it?

But then, I was watching him.

His behavior didn't seem
to change.

Everything seemed, you know,
"as normal as you could expect"

in the scenario.

And frankly, no father or parent
ever wants to truly think

their child
is capable of such a thing.

She opens the door,
invites us back in.

Alec, are you okay?

"Alec has something he'd like
to tell you."

There was, um,
a memorial service

held for the Haines family.

And, um, I told Alec,
"you ought to go."

And at first,
he didn't want to go.

I wanna thank everyone
for being with us today.

We're here to celebrate
the life of Kevin.

And he said there was going
to be a lot of people there

that didn't care about Kevin

or didn't hang out with him
when he was alive,

and now they're going to show up
at the memorial service.

But I said to him, "he was
one of your best friends.

You owe it to him
to go to this."

The devout are taken away,
and no one understands

that the righteous are taken
away to be spared from evil."

There was a lot of emotion
at the service,

but there was still definitely
this uneasiness and...

And fear.

Nobody could picture or imagine

why anybody would want
to hurt this family.

I believe the family
has a statement to make.

A member of the Haines family
got up to address the church,

and he makes a plea
to everyone in the church.

He goes, "it's very likely
the person who did this

is sitting here
with us right now.

If you're there, um,
do the right thing."

All we ask is that you step
forward,

that you talk with the police,

and give our family
the closure we deserve.

And I remember sitting
in the back of the church

just looking over there going,
"I never thought of that.

Wow. The person who did this

could be sitting right here
with us."

I kept an eye on Alec
throughout the service.

He was sitting maybe,
I don't know,

a few rows up in front of me.

Tried to see
if he was doing okay.

There was no reaction from him.

Typical, stoic Alec just
sat there quitely, listened,

and no other real reaction.

It didn't seem strange to me
because it was how

Alec always seemed
to deal with stuff.

He just kind of kept it in,
so it didn't seem unusual.

It was just typical
Alec behavior.

Three or four weeks
after all this,

he's staying with his mothers.

And, um, there was a couple
messages on my cellphone.

Alec had been talking about

k*lling himself
the night before,

and was now in the philhaven
mental health hospital.

Come this way.

The psychiatrist was
extremely concerned for Alec.

He diagnosed him
with severe depression,

and that he's going to be
under 24/7 suicide watch.

Oh, my god.

It's the first time
I really started to get a grasp

of how significant it was.

The therapist's mood
had changed a little bit,

and he said, "Alec has something
he'd like to tell you."

I think it's best if you spoke
with your son.

Alec. Alec, are you okay?
Are you hurt?

So we went in,
and Alec was there.

And he looks right at me
and he goes,

"I k*lled Kevin
and his parents."

What?

No.

That's not true.

I was in a state of shock.

"Is this real?

Are you really telling
the truth here?

Sure you're not making this up?"

He says to me, "no,
I'm not making it up."

Dad, I'm not lying.

I said, "well, if you really
did this,

give me some details
about the crime scene

that nobody would know
unless they were there.

We've got to make sure that
this isn't just some grab

for attention or some
fabrication in your mind

because of what
you're going through."

Alec left his mother's house,

um, sometime early A.M.,

after midnight.

Um, went to the Haines house.

And from there, he went up
to Kevin's parents' room first.

And then after he'd attacked
Kevin's parents,

he went into Kevin's room.

Left the way he came in,

and, uh, walked through
the woods

behind their house
and returned home.

I knew for a fact
it was true.

I did it.

Let's take Alec to his room.

It's gonna be okay.

I was only able to give him
a quick hug and tell him

I love him, and then they...
They escorted him away.

And an administrator
from philhaven came in.

And he said to us...
Philhaven,

being
a mental health hospital...

There's very strict laws

pertaining to what
they're allowed to disclose.

The law pretty much states
that nobody else there

had the right to
come forward and say anything.

The only thing I really remember

that this gentleman
said to us was,

"I hope you're gonna do
the right thing."

And it dawned on me what he
meant by "the right thing" was.

He expects us to go tell
the authorities

what we just found out
and learned.

That night when I got home,

I was laying in bed,
staring at the ceiling.

And I'm just crying.

I had two other children,

and I've spent a good part
of their childhood

and their upbringing
telling them,

"you need to do
the right thing."

What kind of father am I
if the biggest test of my life

comes along,
and I don't do the right thing?

Then there's the Haines family,

who deserves to know what
happened to their loved ones

and who did it.

But as a father, my instinct...

Everything in me wants
to protect my child,

wants to help my child.

How is going to the police,
you know, helping him?

How... it's like
such a betrayal, isn't it?

So it was...

Turn my son in,
go to the police...

Or betray everything
I said my life is about,

and lie or not come forward.

When you're in a mode
of desperation,

all kinds of crazy things
run through your head.

I just thought,
kind of in my head,

that I could somehow get him
out of philhaven...

Break him out, and we could
just run away from this.

Maybe there's a chance for him.

And I just started to pray,
"just please, get me through

today for my family, for Alec,
for the Haines family."

I said, "I just need to get
through one more day."

I thought I could get away
with getting rid of that knife.

It'll be gone forever.

Nobody will ever know.

More details about
the crime scene came out.

And, um, all three members
of the family

had been k*lled with a knife.

Alec never really told me
he used a knife.

But one of the times
I was visiting him,

he implied...
He said something that led me

to believe that the m*rder
weapon was still in my house.

Because of the laws,

the therapists
weren't allowed to come forward

and tell anybody
what Alec had said.

So as a result, they expected,
uh, me to come forward

and tell them what we knew.

So I went up to his room
and started looking.

I started looking through
his backpack.

And it wasn't in there.

He had a big bag he carried,

which was his
martial arts stuff.

I looked through that.

It wasn't in there.

And then I opened up
his dresser,

and saw that knife
I'd given him as a hand-me-down

from father to son.

I remember thinking, he wouldn't
have used that knife.

So I pulled it
out of the dresser

and took it out of the sheath,

and the tip of the knife
was broken off.

I can't explain it other
than this gut feeling...

He used this knife.

This is it.
I know it is.

I just kind of stood there
and stared at it.

I'd given him this,
what I thought was, you know,

a sentimental gift.

And now that memento,
that small little gift,

had taken away so much.

I had some of those
crazy thoughts.

There was a big river
called the susquehanna river

not too far from us,
where I lived in Lancaster.

I could drive, you know,
if there's nobody behind me,

throw it over the edge
of the bridge,

and it'll be gone forever.

Nobody will ever know.

I thought I could get away
with getting rid of that knife.

It might've been the last chance
to save Alec.

I don't know.

Maybe it's another way
I failed him.

I don't know.

I don't know.

And that's when he told me
k*lled Kevin and his parents.

His initial reaction was what
we would come to find

with just about everybody...
Kind of a silence and a...

And this stare of like,
"my gosh.

What?
Really?"

That's what most people's
faces look like

when we tell them
what happened.

What do you think I should do?

But he was caring,
compassionate.

He prayed for Alec
and our family.

He prayed for the Haines family.

And at the end,
he prayed for, uh,

me to have the strength
to do what I needed to do.

We ask that you guide
Tim's heart.

He has a difficult decision
to make...

One that he can only make
with you by his side.

That was really the thought
that resonated in my mind...

That, um, praying for me
to have the strength

do what I need to do.

- Amen.
- Amen.

Was pretty certain I knew what I
was going to do at that point.

Ultimately, it came down
to the responsibility

to the Haines family,
the community, society, my...

My moral compass
of what's right and wrong.

It overrode the fact
that he was my son.

I have to do the right thing,
and that's coming forward.

The murders of Tom, Lisa,
and Kevin Haines

shocked this
once-tranquil neighborhood

that everyone had assumed
was safe from violent crime.

Police initially had few leads,

but they may now have the break
they've been looking for.

A teenager is reportedly
in custody,

having been turned in
by his own father.

When I walked into
the police station,

it was more
of a dread than relief.

Just this...

Sense of betrayal,
sense of dread,

sense of exhaustion,

sense of hopelessness.

Police say it wasn't random,

and that Alec initially intended
to smother his friend

but allegedly changed his mind
and used a knife instead.

At the end, I was just
kind of sitting there.

And I think I had my head...
My hands on the table.

My head was kind of down.

And I remember raising my head,
and I looked.

And the state police officer was
still sitting

across the table from me.

He looked at me and said,
"you know, it's not your fault."

And, uh, he didn't
have to do that.

And, um, if he's still
out there, it was a...

It was a big deal to me.

The uncertainty that has
plagued this community

may finally be gone.

But while police think they now
know who committed this crime,

they still don't understand why.

It's a picture of a young man
who threw away his entire life,

and devastated another family
in the process.

The big question I often get is,
"why did he do it?"

The most he'd ever said to me
was that Kevin had really been

annoying him lately.

Well, who goes and murders
three people

because they were annoying?

That night, he said he felt like
there was this

uncontrollable rage about him,
like it wasn't even him...

That he was just in this state
of rage, just utter rage.

That rage inside of him
wanted to get out,

and they were
the folks he chose.

I don't know what to say.
This, was, um...

A tragedy that I can't imagine
for that family.

This is a photo of,
you know, myself and Alec

and his little brother
when we visited him...

One of the last photos
I have of, um,

Alec and myself and
his little brother together.

When we visited, often, they
would reminisce about things

they did when they were younger
and the fun times they had.

After a few visits,
then you continue to speak

about those same things,
those same memories.

You realize that for Alec,

there weren't going to be
any new memories.

There was an immense amount
of grief and grieving

that took place then.

Those memories that, uh,
we could share and talk about,

you know, stopped at 16.

The person
identified themselves, um,

calling from the correctional
institute he was in.

And the person hesitated
on the other end of the phone.

And she proceeded to tell me

that Alec had committed suicide
in his cell,

that they'd done everything
they could to save him,

but they didn't get
to him in time.

I've got to admit,
the first sense was probably,

"well, it's over."

And it may be a cold response,
maybe.

But when he was sent to prison,

there was an immense
amount of grief

and grieving
that took place then.

So when he took his life


there was grieving
and there was sadness,

but it was... it was different.

It was more of a sense
of relief for him,

and a sadness for the rest of us

who don't get
to see him anymore.

This is a letter that Alec
wrote to me.

When he was first imprisoned,
we wrote very often.

He says, "dear dad, the pain
and regret over what I have done

and how I hurt so many makes me
feel like I'm going to throw up.

I let everyone down,
and I did something horrible.

What I am is evil.

Who I am is good.
I want to be a good person,

but my dark side
ruins everything.

I'm sorry that I couldn't
be stronger.

A house divided against itself
cannot stand."

By the time that he sent this
to me, I was...

I'm encouraged to hear
that he was showing remorse

for what he did.

I thought it was progress
for him,

and he was trying
to understand all of it.

Not that it changes things.

Again, not that it creates
sympathy for Alec.

I'm not saying that.

I'm just trying to show that
in a lot of ways,

there were certainly sides
to him that, uh, to dismiss him

as simply an evil individual is,
um, ignoring a lot of the story.

The only reason that we agreed
to do this... this interview...

Is that if it would provide
hope to somebody else.

The one bracelet I wear often,
it says, "trust."

The other one says, "hope."

For me, they're really two
very, very important things...

Hope that things might be better
tomorrow or the day after,

trust that there's maybe
a strength

that we didn't realize we had,

trust that there's help
out there

that maybe you didn't think
would be out there.

And at the end of the day,
just trust that it'll...

It'll be okay.

Doesn't matter what
you're going through.

Don't let it be the end
of your story.