Gentlemen with g*ns (1946

[bunniefuu]

Grab a bucket, fuzz,

I'll help you!

Hey! Wait a minute!

Can't a man

burn a pan

of biscuits

without getting

himself drowned?

Biscuits? I thought

the house was on fire!

How can you think

without a brain?

I'm sorry I was

a little hasty

with the water,

but your letter said

that you were in trouble--

I thought they were

trying to burn you out!

Some people are so dumb

they can't tell

the difference

between a house on fire

and a pan of burnt biscuits.

You can't hold it

against a man

just because

he doesn't

know any better.

I guess that's why

I wasted so much time

getting you

out of trouble--

trouble no intelligent person

would have ever gotten into.

Okay, what is it

this time?

It ain't no fault of mine.

Sit down,

I'll tell you.

I own a valuable water right,

and there's a lot of

good farmland on my ranch.

So I got the idea

of selling off

this farmland

to families who want to

move in and make homes

for themselves.

I admire you

feeling that way,

but how does that

spell trouble?

Well, McAllister

owns a big outfit,

and he wants

everything in sight.

He wants my water right,

and he's dead set

against having any settlers

locate in the valley.

So what?

Tell him you don't want to

sell him your water right,

and what you do is

none of his business.

I know, but...

Somethin' always

happens to folks

that talk to McAllister

that way.

Well, you go right ahead

with your plans,

he can't scare US.

You're mighty reckless

with my life.

Come on, help me

get this place

cleaned up.

I won't be

living like this

much longer.

I'm gettin' married.

( Plate breaking )

You're what?!

Why not?

I've got a right

to get married,

ain't I?

Sure.

Sure, but where you

gonna find a woman

crazy enough to marry

an old goat like you?

Ha! That's what

you think.

Listen to this.

"Dear fuzzy, my big,

gorgeous man--"

and she means me--

"I am sure you are the answer

to my maiden's prayer..."

Do you mean to tell me

that any woman

would pray for

anything like you?

Well, that's what she says,

right here in the letter.

Yeah? Where'd

you meet her?

I ain't met her yet,

but, ah,

I told her

what I was like.

You haven't even

met the lady?

No, but she told me

what she's like.

See, I joined the lonesome heart

matrimonial club,

and that's how come

we started writin' each other.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha! Oh, fuzz.

Go ahead and laugh

yer fool head off.

Fuzzy:

She's comin' out here

to marry me,

and we're gonna have

our own little love nest.

She signs herself,

here...

"Your devoted Matilda boggs."

Fuzz, you've got

your neck out a mile.

You've never even

seen this lady.

If she's taking

as much Liberty

in describing herself

as you must have,

you don't know what kind

of a package you'll get.

You don't seem

to understand

that I mean

what I say.

You need

some educatin'.

That seems to be

the end of the first lesson,

drop by when you can

give US another.

You'll get to last you

the rest of your life--

which won't be long.

Come on.

That's Jim McAllister.

Yeah? Nice neighbor.

If I had my choice between

him and a rattlesnake,

I'd take the snake.

Why don't you

put that thing away.

Haven't you got

enough trouble

without going romantic?

It ain't no trouble,

it's easy.

Easy?

I write to her,

she writes to me,

we get married.

What's your

next move, boss?

I don't know yet.

Who is that

other fella?

I never saw him before.

I've heard fuzzy Jones

speak about his friend

Billy Carson--

that could be him.

Whoever he is,

he'll wish

he hadn't horned in

to this party.

Yeah.

I may be wrong,

but I'd be willing to bet

fuzzy Jones has been

rustling my cattle.

I sent one of my boys over

to scout his ranch.

Howdy.

Howdy.

I hear you're selling

some farmland.

You don't look like

no farmer to me.

Do I have to

look like a farmer

before I can

buy a farm?

Well, I guess not,

we're not running

a beauty contest.

There's a piece of property

over here

I'd like to

talk to you about.

Let's have a look.

Well, this is what

I was tellin' you about.

You want to buy

this land to farm?

If I'm crazy enough to buy it,

you shouldn't worry.

Somethin' fishy

about it.

( g*nsh*t )

He's dead,

shot through

the heart.

And that's

the m*rder*r.

I didn't sh**t him,

it was someone else.

You expect US

to believe that?

There's his g*n,

sheriff.

He was one of

my best boys,

the one I said

was scouting

this range.

There's been one shot

fired from that g*n.

I ain't fired no shot!

How do you explain

a spent shell?

Let's take him in,

sheriff.

I'll send someone

for his body.

Get on that horse.

Sheriff, somebody else

fired that shot,

you gotta look around--

get on that horse

before I bend this

over your head!

All right, you can

come to life now.

Well, it's about time,

I've been lying with ants.

They sure went for

that ketchup on my shirt.

Ha ha ha!

You're a pretty good actor,

I like to knock myself out

watching you die.

It ain't funny to me.

I gotta play dead

till they hang that guy.

Let's get out of here.

Hey, fuzz...

What's wrong?

Plenty.

I was just talkin'

to a fella,

and boom!

Somebody shot him.

Yeah? Who fired the shot?

I don't know.

The sheriff and McAllister

happened along just then,

and they claim

I done it.

Funny they just

happened along

at that time.

Seems like McAllister's

having the sheriff

play his game.

You watch your step,

young feller.

I don't like

that kind of talk--

get in there.

Be smart--

hit the road.

You'll do yourself no good

hanging around this valley.

Maybe I can give you

an argument on that.

I don't argue--

when I say something,

that's it.

Fuzzy:

Billy!

What am I gonna do?

I didn't k*ll that fella,

but they'll hang me for it,

sure as I'm a foot high.

Don't worry, I'll get you

out of this somehow.

Even if they don't hang me,

my rights will go to pot

while they got me

locked up in here.

Don't worry about a thing,

I'll look after everything.

Hee-yah!

Do you suppose that's

miss Matilda boggs?

Golly gee, I wouldn't want her

to know I'm in jail.

If is is, fuzz,

I'll cover up for you.

Don't forget

she's my girl.

I beg your pardon,

are you miss Matilda boggs?

Fuzzy! Oh, you great,

big, wonderful man!

I beg your pardon, miss,

but I'm not fuzzy Jones.

You're not?

No ma'am.

What a pity.

Where is my fuzzy?

Well, you might say that

he's all wrapped up in

some important business.

You might even call it

a matter of life and death.

I see.

I'd better run you

out to fuzzy's place.

You can make your home there,

and when fuzzy gets back,

you two can get on

with your wedding.

Anything you say

is all right with me...

And I mean all right.

I don't want to make

a nuisance of myself,

but I do hope you'll be able

to spare a little time,

to keep me from feeling lonely

till fuzzy returns.

I'll get the buckboard.

Hey, sheriff!

I gotta get out of here,

you can't do this to me!

Shut yer trap

before I come in there

and shut it for ya.

But I gotta get out,

it's important!

Maybe the man you k*lled

felt it was important

to keep on livin'.

Aw, I didn't

k*ll nobody.

Shut up.

Hey, sheriff!

Sheriff! Hey!

Hello, sheriff!

Hello! Hello!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

What's the matter

with you?!

My stomach's poisoned!

( Fuzzy ranting )

Let me outta here!

Come back here!

I'll break every bone

in yer body!

Fuzzy's a luck man,

you're a fine cook.

I'm glad you

enjoyed it.

Yeah, that was

a great meal.

Well, I guess

I'd better be

moseying along.

Don't be in a hurry--

have another cup of coffee.

I just saw

a horrible-looking face

peeking in the window.

Yeah?

Act as if

nothing's happened.

Wow, that's hot!

I guess we'd better

let it cool off.

Fuzz! What are you

doing here?

Uh, don't you remember?

I live here.

I know that,

but I thought

that you were--

are you

fuzzy Jones?

Yes'm, ma'am,

that's me,

fuzzy q. Jones,

and I'm awfully sorry

I wasn't on hand

when you arrived.

Let me get this straight.

Was that, uh, business

of yours all taken care of?

Not exactly,

I sort of

left it unfinished.

That may have

been a mistake.

I'm not stupid--

what's this double-talk

all about?

I have a right to know

what I'm walking into.

Uh, yes, ma'am,

I guess you have.

They're trying to hang fuzzy

for a m*rder he didn't commit.

Who do you mean

by "they"?

I don't know for sure,

but I'll gamble that

Jim McAllister has

a finger in the pie.

Who is Jim McAllister?

He's somethin' that

oughtta have been buried

a long time ago.

He thinks he can

run the valley

and make me sell out

whether I want to or not.

I see.

We should stop by

and take a look at

the Jones place.

He wouldn't be fool enough

to hide out at home.

I don't know

about that--

I hear a good lookin' gal

was askin' for him

this morning.

That might be worth

lookin' into.

That might be

just the thing

that'd keep him

hanging around.

Fuzz, you can't be

hanging around here.

The sheriff'll be

turning over every rock

looking for you.

You seem to be

might anxious

to get rid of me.

Don't be foolish.

I'd be glad to see you

stay out of jail.

Is that what

I came out here

to marry?

Well, he's not

very good lookin', miss,

and he isn't

over-educated,

but he's got

a heart of gold.

What's the cash value

of a heart of gold?

Ha ha! I like a gal

with a sense of humor.

Don't you worry,

I'll get out of this

and we'll have

our little love nest.

Fuzz, there's the sheriff!

Get going, quick!

No, take my horse,

he's fresh. Go on!

( Banging on door )

Let me do the talkin'.

Yeah, what do you want?

We're lookin'

for fuzzy Jones.

He's not here.

We'll make sure of that.

He's gettin' away!

We had fun,

didn't we?

It won't be fun

from here on out.

If you're smart,

you'll get out

of this valley.

I hope fuzzy makes it--

I think he will.

Was that McAllister?

Yeah, that's him.

Plays kinda rough.

Looks like

we've lost him.

Not for long.

Nice lookin' girl

back there.

Yeah.

You and fuzzy are

pretty good friends,

aren't you?

Yes, ma'am,

the best.

He's no beauty,

but he's all right.

You could do a lot worse

than tie up with old fuzz.

I'm not looking

for the worst.

I guess I better

stick around,

keep an eye on the place

till fuzzy gets back.

I can bunk out there

in the barn.

I'll be glad to

have you nearby.

I feel nervous here

all alone.

You've got nothing

to worry about--

good night.

Good night.

( Whistles )

( Whistles again )

( Whistles )

Hey, Billy!

Over here!

Boy, am I glad

to see you--

did you bring me

something to eat?

Sure, fuzz,

help yourself.

Where's my horse?

Over there by the rocks.

Back up, you're in

my lunch bucket.

Fuzz, you better

stay put up here

in the hills.

McAllister knows the truth

about that k*lling--

I'll get it

out of him somehow.

( Mumbling )

Eat or talk--

don't try to do 'em both

at the same time.

But I'm yearning

for Matilda.

You are, huh?

Well, she'll keep.

You have no time for romance

until you get your neck

out of danger.

( g*nsh*t )

You work for McAllister--

I want some information.

I'm ain't tellin' ya nothin'.

You'll tell me how

McAllister framed fuzzy

or I'll beat your head off.

Start talkin'!

I don't know

anything about it!

Maybe this'll help.

What's goin' on here?

I found fuzzy Jones

and he helped him

get away.

Tryin' hard

to get yourself

into trouble.

But he isn't guilty.

We'll let

the courts

decide that.

You ain't careful,

you'll find yourself

in jail with him.

Get your horse,

well try and catch up

with him.

I'm getting sick and tired

of hiding out in here,

waiting till they

catch that guy

and hang him.

No telling how long it'll be.

A guy might just as well

be in jail.

What are you kicking about?

You're getting paid

for doing nothing.

Maybe so, but it gets

pretty monotonous.

I wish you'd picked out

somebody else to get k*lled.

Oh, boss.

We got company.

And she's pretty, too.

Keep out of sight.

This is a fine time

to ask a guy to play dead.

You won't be playing

if you don't do what I say.

( Knocking )

Come in.

Are you Mr. McAllister?

At your service.

I'm Matilda boggs.

You don't look like

the kind of girl

whose name would be

Matilda boggs.

That's my real name--

I use a different one

on stage.

It begins to make sense.

Won't you sit down?

Thank you.

Why did you come here?

I've an idea we can be

of some help to each other.

In what way?

You want fuzzy's ranch,

I want money.

You're plenty

cold-blooded

about it.

You have to be cold-blooded

or be a sucker.

I'm always willing to pay

for what I want--plenty.

You came out here

to marry him?

Sure, and that was

a good joke on me.

I got fed up with

the life of an actress

and thought i'd

grab me a husband

and settle down.

I wouldn't marry

any of the trash

I met hanging around

the theater,

so I fell for an ad

in the matrimonial paper.

He made it sound pretty--

wonderful ranch,

a big, handsome husband

just oozing love and devotion.

He really gave you

a song and dance.

You know what I got.

He double-crossed me,

and I don't feel like

coming out here

just for the ride.

I think we can do business.

When we catch fuzzy,

he'll be hung for m*rder.

You've got to figure

some way to marry him,

and then turn him over

to the sheriff.

I think that can be managed.

As his widow,

you'll own the property.

Then we'll make a deal.

I'll be seeing you.

Keep away from here

until you're a widow.

Don't want Carson

to get suspicious.

Carson is my idea

of what I thought

fuzzy would be.

But don't worry--

I never let sentiment

interfere with business.

Bye.

Goodbye.

Oh, boy.

Ain't she a knockout?

Whew!

You dumb idiot!

When I tell you

to keep out of sight,

I mean it!

She might be on the level,

but I'm not taking any chances.

She might have come over here

just to spy on US.

( Knocking )

Hello.

( Disappointed: )

Hello.

Yes?

Hi. I saw you over at

Jim McAllister's.

I thought I'd like to

get a little bit

better acquainted.

Well, i-I'm busy now,

maybe some other time.

Your crazy for

coming back here,

and I was a fool

to bring you that note.

When Matilda sends for me,

I'll go through fire and water.

You're liable to get

your whiskers singed

and your feet wet.

Stay here until I see

whether the coast is clear.

I heard you were looking

for a high-class husband,

and you and I could buy

a pretty swell little ranch

with the money we're gonna

get off of Jim.

And wasn't it wonderful

that you just happen

to be available.

Yeah.

It's Carson,

he mustn't see you here.

Go out that way.

Where's fuzzy?

Couldn't you find him?

Yeah, I found him.

I don't like the idea

of him coming back here.

I didn't hear anyone

ask your opinion.

Billy, I seen a ghost!

The man they said I k*lled,

I seen him just

as plain as I see you!

Don't be silly, you--

you didn't see any ghost...

Who was here, Matilda?

There was no one here,

he must have seen a ghost.

He must have

seen a ghost, eh?

I'd like to

run into that ghost.

I'm goin' out and see

if I can find him.

I can stand up

to anything human,

but that ghost

scared the pants

off of me.

You've got something

more important

than a ghost

to worry about.

Yeah, what?

Your friend, Billy.

What about Billy?

He doesn't want me

to marry you.

You mean--

I hate to say anything

about your friend,

but I think we should

get married right away.

Fine friend

he turned out to be.

I never thought he'd

cut the ground out

from under my feet.

I couldn't find him--

he got away.

Something else has been

bothering me, Matilda.

What were you doing at

the McAllister ranch?

I was never there.

No? I saw you riding

from that direction.

That doesn't mean anything.

You've gone far enough,

I won't have you

doubting Matilda's word!

And I never thought you'd pull

a dirty trick on me.

Are you crazy?

I may have been,

but I'm not now.

Get goin'.

Maybe you know

what he's talking about.

You know as well

as I do.

( Knocking )

Hello, judge.

Hello, Billy.

What are you

doing out here?

I got a message

from miss boggs

asking me to come.

Said it was

very important.

Who delivered

the message?

Ned Cassidy--

McAllister's foreman.

He was just

a passing cowboy--

I didn't know

who he was.

Fuzzy and I want you

to marry US.

Don't you know that

fuzzy's an outlaw?

That doesn't make

any difference to me.

Hi, judge.

You're supposed

to be in jail.

I know, but I'm thinking on

getting married--

that's the same as

being in jail.

Ha ha!

Ha ha!

Stop dilly-dallying around

and start the marriage,

I ain't got long

to linger around here.

All right, I ain't had

a marryin' job

in a long time.

I hope the sheriff

don't interrupt

the ceremony.

Grab her hand.

Now, fuzz, don't you

be in a hurry.

You won't stand

for that, will you?

Yer darn tootin',

I won't.

You're not welcome here--

get out and stay out!

Fuzz, I really

hate to do this.

I'm sorry, judge,

but there's too many lies

tied up with this marriage.

I'm gonna get the straight of it

before it goes any further.

You won't get away

with this strong-arm stuff.

You can't stop me

from marrying fuzzy,

and I'll make you sorry

you ever tried.

Why don't you try to be

a nice girl?

Both of you sit down--

I'm gonna make sure

you stay put for a while.

Over there.

I can keep you

from getting hung,

but I can't keep you

from making a fool of yourself.

So I guess jail's

the only safe place for you.

Well, welcome home.

I'll get even with you

for this, Billy Carson.

You'll thank me

for it someday, fuzz.

Go on, get in there.

The sheriff got fuzzy,

I saw 'em at the jail.

Good. The plan must have

worked out all right.

I'll start the ball rolling.

I'm glad the sheriff

caught that m*rder*r.

Ed slane was a good boy.

Fuzzy Jones m*rder*d him

in cold blood.

I'm in favor of seeing that

he doesn't get away again.

( Crowd murmurs agreement )

Sheriff:

I'll bet you

stay put this time.

Billy:

You're so stubborn,

you won't listen to reason.

Why didn't you just

take a shot at me?

Then I wouldn't have to

stand around

thinking about

you doing this to me.

You've got it all wrong.

I'm just trying to stop you

from making a foolish mistake.

Something's wrong about you

being rushed into that marriage,

this was the only way

I could stop it.

Don't tell me them lies.

Go away and leave me alone.

I'm sorry you

feel that way...

Maybe some day

you'll understand.

No one's more in favor

of law and order than I am,

even a m*rder*r is entitled

to a fair trial.

But when you got a sheriff

that can't keep him in jail,

something should be done.

If he breaks out again,

we may never get him!

Yeah.

That's right.

Yeah.

Best break I ever had

in my life.

And that dumb cowboy

has to come along

and throw in

a monkey wrench.

Well, he won't stop me

from cashing in,

and I'll make him sorry

he ever tried.

Must be disappointin'

to have a wedding end like this.

Don't just sit there--

try to get free and help me.

Why wear myself out

getting nowhere?

The only thing

that's bothering me

is this pesky fly that

wants to sit on my nose.

I wouldn't mind

if he just set,

but he wants to keep

walking around all the time.

Up on your feet!

Say...

From fuzzy's description,

you look like the man

he supposedly k*lled.

Suppose I am a--

oh, you don't know what

you're talking about.

No? You're

the livest-looking

corpse I ever saw.

What do you mean?

You heard what I said.

You're out of your mind.

Suppose I am.

Let's take a ride to town

and let fuzzy have a look.

I'm not going anyplace

with you,

and the best thing you can do

is get off of this ranch!

Ed wasn't k*lled in a fight,

he was m*rder*d.

I suspected that fuzzy Jones

was rustling my cattle,

so I sent ed over

to investigate.

That was the last time

I ever saw him alive.

Ed was a friend of mine,

and I'm gonna see to it

that his m*rder*r

gets what's comin' to him.

All:

Yeah!

Have you changed your mind

about a trip to town?

You'll with you never

got mixed up in this.

You could be wrong--

get on your horse!

Whoa, sheriff!

Oh! Sheriff! Sheriff!

Sheriff!

What do you want?

Give me a g*n,

we're gonna

have trouble.

I ain't fallin' for

no more of your tricks.

Just look out

in the street!

Oh...

Hey, sheriff!

That's far enough!

Man:

Be smart, sheriff,

nobody wants to hurt you.

Somebody'll get hurt

if you try to take

a prisoner out of my jail.

You let that m*rder*r

escape once before--

we're making sure

it don't happen again.

There'll be no mob law

in this town while I'm sheriff.

He'll get a fair trial,

and if he's found guilty,

he'll hang.

Some of you people

down in that crowd

I call my friends,

but I'll blast the first one

that tries to rush this door.

Be smart--I'm tellin' ya

in the name of the law,

go on about your business.

Some of you men

take care of him,

the rest of you,

come with me!

Take him out!

So help me,

I'll never

talk to you again!

Come on, men!

Get down off that horse.

Say, that's the fella

they said I k*lled.

He ain't much alive,

and he ain't dead, either.

Fuzz, there's your ghost.

Untie the sheriff.

Sheriff,

lock these two men up.

I'll think of some charge

to bring against 'em.

McAllister framed this thing

to get fuzzy hung for m*rder.

McAllister did that to me?

That's right.

Stand back, boys--

he's my meat.

Sheriff:

Get in there,

you two.

Well, that's the end

of fuzzy Jones.

Nice of everybody

to be so obliging.

What are you doing here?

You're supposed to be--

I came here

to pay you off.

( All laughing )

You all right?

Hold it!

Next time you want to

hang somebody,

be sure you know

what you're doing.

Now belly up to the bar,

the drinks are on me.

( All cheering )

Billy, i-i...

I know what

you're trying to say.

Forget it.

Hey, that-that's Matilda.

Matilda!

Where you going?

Home.

You're not

gonna leave me flat?

That's not a bad idea.

Hee-yah!

That's what I call'

leavin' him flat.