18x10 - The Unseen Bits

[bunniefuu]

CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

Good evening, and welcome to
a very special edition

of previously unseen clips

from series 18 of
"Would I Lie To You?".

Joining David Mitchell tonight -
Stacey Solomon,

Eddie Marsan, Judi Love,

Sir Grayson Perry, Rosie Ramsey,

Josh Jones, Richie Anderson,

Kojey Radical, Harriet Kemsley,

and Chris Ramsey.

And joining Lee Mack tonight -

Legend, Jill Scott,

Cush Jumbo, Harry Hill,

Shazia Mirza, Ivo Graham,

Chris McCausland, and Kadeena Cox.

First up, it's Richie.

Thank you.

To make sure I get to the Radio 2
Breakfast Show on time,

I always eat my Shreddies
in the shower.

Ugh!
Lee's team.

I'm guessing by the time the shower
has finished, it's then more water

in there than milk. No, so I have a
door in the shower and I'm in there,

but I leave my arm out
with the cereal. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

You have a shower whilst holding
a bowl out of the shower?!

And also, the very act of washing
your body, sort of... Yeah.

I can't... I can't imagine
doing that with one hand.

LAUGHTER

I use one of those lather things.
You know the...

What are they called?
Oh! A loofah?

What you need to get
is like a loofah,

where it's a loofah at one end
and a spoon at the other.

And then you just... then you just
flip it, you know?

Wash, wash, wash, flip,
have some cereal.

In the morning, I get up at 3.30.
I'm frazzled,

and I've just got to get ready.
You eat Frazzles as well?

What time do you have to be
at the studio? 6.30.

Where do you live? How far's
the journey? Northamptonshire,

so I live about an hour
and a half away.

And you do that every day?
Every day. Why don't you move?

LAUGHTER

You need to be getting up
in about 25 minutes!

So you're having a shower.
Yeah.

You're going out. You're eating.
You're going back in the shower.

Going out. You're eating.

So there's water going all over
the bathroom. Sometimes.

Does that not bother you?

Not really, cos we've got one of
those... Is it laminate floors?

I wouldn't know, I've never been.

What is it?
Like that plastic floor thing.

I don't know what it's called.
Linoleum. Lino?

Linoleum.
Lino! We've got lino.

You've got a lino floor
in your bathroom?!

I'm on Rob's side -
why don't you move?

Is Radio 2 not paying very well?

Where is the shower?

We've got an en suite.

So you think it's less disruptive
for your other half

for you to be clank, clank, clank
with a spoon

while you're having a shower,
rather than just silently

lathering and rinsing?
No, because we use plastic cutlery,

so there's no clanking.

LAUGHTER

Plastic cutlery, lino,
Northampton -

it's just sounding so glamorous!

What's on your bedroom floor?

Carpet.
Thick... Thick shag?

Can you tiptoe back through?

When we got the carpet laid
in the bedroom,

I specifically told them about this.
So they put that,

you know that underlining thing?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Richie, no, you didn't.
I did!

You're telling me you told
the carpet manufacturer,

the company that did your carpets...
Yeah.

..."Just so you know, this has to be
just right for my cereal shower."

So what are you going to say, Lee?

What do we think? Oh, come on,
it's... It can't be true, can it?

Lie. Is this a lie? Lie.

OK, Richie, was it a lie
or was it true?

Well, unfortunately, it was...

...a lie.

Oh, well played, well played.

It's Cush.

I once couldn't go to the loo

because someone famous
was in the cubicle next to me.

Right. David's team.

Oh. So who?

Beyonce.

Oh, come on!
Now, Cush, where are we?

OK, so I went to the Met Gala
a few years ago... Ooh!

...when I was still living
in New York, and she was there.

Do you know what the Met Gala is?

I do.
You do?

Do you?!

It's a big sort of party/charity
event in New York

where lots of famous people turn up
in costumes and, I don't know,

and I assume then it's sort of
drinks and nibbles.

When you go there, there's,
like, a massive party inside,

but there's also only really
one or two toilets.

So lots of famous people
end up queuing for the loo,

and it's taking them a lot of time
to get out of the outfits

to have a wee, because everyone
needs help, because all the outfits

are all really high-tech.
Who was in your queue?

Well, Barbra Streisand
was behind me.

No!
Wow.

And Beyonce was in front of me.

Did Beyonce have security with her?

Everybody had, like, two or three
people with them

to help them in and out of
their stuff.

So she was in a very tight tube-like
dress made out of plasticky stuff.

I got in the cubicle, and obviously
she went in one before me,

and I went in the one next to her,
and I could hear...

SHE MIMICS REMOVING COMPLEX OUTFIT

She's in there with...

She's in there with
two other people? Yes.

So I'm not sure if you've been
in a girls' toilet recently, David,

but anybody that needs an outfit
that needs help, we go in together

and we help each other with it.
Beyonce is, like, Queen Bey.

I just don't think
she would queue.

I think you've got a toilet
built outside separately.

At that level, you can probably
organise it that you have, like,

one massive wee at the beginning
of the year, and then you're done,

because otherwise
you're just too busy.

God, I'd k*ll for that.

So you're in the cubicle,
you can hear...

HE MIMICS REMOVING COMPLEX OUTFIT
...next door.

You can hear everyone in the other
toilets trying to do the same thing,

like, get, you know,
"Oh, here. Unpin this. Oh, wait.

"I'll sew this." Further along,
could you hear...

♪ Memories, like the corners...

♪ We've got nothing to be
guilty of...

♪ I am a woman in love #?

No. No? No.

Oh, what a stuck-up old cow.

She could have given a song,
couldn't she?

Anyway, so she started to wee.

You heard it? You heard Beyonce...?
Well, that was why I couldn't go.

I could hear her stream.

LEE: Ugh!

♪ Islands in the stream

♪ That is what we are... ♪

I just felt it was my most
magical moment of my life.

I thought maybe, if I listened,
I could maybe take on

some of the magic or something,

like it would rub off on me
in some way, just in the...

Well, if she missed the toilet,
it definitely would.

So I just, I couldn't go,
I couldn't go.

Did you talk to her? No! Who did
you talk to that night, Cush?

It was hosted by Taylor Swift
and Tom Hiddleston. Oh!

And I think I was sat
between Sarah Jessica Parker

and Grandmaster Flash.
Oh, wow!

And tonight...
Lee Mack and Tim Vine!

But, if it's worth anything,

I have been to the toilet
whilst we've been doing this.

OK, it's time to take a guess.

Is Cush telling the truth? It's a
hard one. I want it to be true,

because I like the idea
of the sort of crackly dress

and, like, being unable to...
Because I think I can imagine that.

I want it to be true as well,

so that we can go to the Met Gala
together next year.

She laughed like, "Yeah, right!"

I think my instinct is it's a lie.

JUDI GASPS

OK. They think it's a lie.

Cush, was it a lie?
Were you telling us the truth?

It was...

...true. Oh!
APPLAUSE

It's Stacey.

My middle name is Gary.

Lee's team.

How is it spelled?
G-A-R-Y.

Gary. Yeah.
Why is your middle name Gary?

Because we had an old uncle, Gary.

My dad really looked up to him,
idolised him, and he passed away

when he was quite young.
Your dad's uncle?

My dad's uncle. Yeah.

In Jewish tradition, your middle
name is someone who you've loved

who has passed, so I got Gary!

And have you had problems
with this over the years?

Yeah. I don't write it down!

It's on my passport and my birth
certificate, and that is it!

What about at the wedding
when you married Joe?

Did they say, "And do you,
Stacey Gary Solomon..."?

No. No?
No. I was like, "No middle names."

And he didn't get his either.
What's Joe's middle name? Adam.

Ah, you should have said Brenda.

What are you thinking, Harry?

It's so far-fetched,
it's got to be true, hasn't it?

What do you think?
I think it's true. Yeah.

You both think it's true?
Yeah. Do you think it's a lie?

I'll go with you guys.
I'll go home tonight

and my wife will say, "Did you lose
again?" I'll go, "Yep."

"Did you have a chance of winning?"
"Yep. Got to the end."

"Oh, what did you get wrong?"

"Oh, Stacey Solomon was on, and she
said her middle name was Gary."

"I assume you said that was a lie."
"No, no, no. We went for true."

"Because you know Stacey Solomon -
she looks like a Gary, doesn't she?"

I don't buy it, but I'll go true.

Saying true! OK.

Stacey, were you telling
the truth or was it a lie?

Lie!

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

What is the matter with you?

Matt.

I love being a Gladiator so much,

I'm having building work done
so I can play Gladiators at home.

David's team. Oh. What are you
having built? What's the...?

I'm getting a specific game
constructed in my house. Which one?

Hang Tough.
Hang Tough.

Oh! Talk us through...
Oh, you know it?

With the rings.

So what do you have to do
in Hang Tough? For people...

You've got to... Why are you asking
him? I'm... Do you know what I mean?

I'm literally the...
LAUGHTER

What do you have to do in Hang
Tough? I'm literally on the show.

There's loads of rings
attached from the ceiling,

and then you've got to, like,
get across. Like monkey barring.

And he's trying to get you. And what
happens when he catches you?

So we meet in the middle.
We kiss!

LAUGHTER

Is this an indoor or outdoor thing
you're having done?

Indoor.
Wow.

Where do you live?
I live down on the south coast.

What's the house prices like?

Er... fairly high.

And underneath, I'm hoping
you're going to say crash mats or...

What have you got under there
in case you fall off?

A swimming pool.

You fall into the pool?

Oh, that sounds like
a really nice day, that, actually.

You've got the pool.
You've got the rings.

Anything else out of the ordinary?

We are getting a slide installed
in our house.

Where will the slide be?

Er, from a hidden door upstairs
in the hallway to the...

Hidden door?
It's a cupboard.

And then when you open it,
it's actually... Yeah.

Do you have stairs as well?

Is the only way...?
Yeah, yeah, we do.

I was going to say, because imagine
if you had a bit of bad news

and then you've got to
get on the slide!

Where does the slide take you?

It terminates in the
cinema/games room.

Wow! Gladiators pays well,
doesn't it?

What do you think?
I think it's a big part of his job,

this ring hanging. So, to practise,
he's got to make his own rings.

But he hasn't yet, has he?

And he's been fine
without this facility so far.

What's your win ratio like?



LEE: Have you? Wait for the
celebrity version with me and Rob.

LAUGHTER

I mean, you're going to have to
lift him up on the rings,

but when he's up there... Ooh!

It's interesting you're confident
that I won't be taking part. No.

So in that scenario,
just to be clear,

you haven't turned it down -
you weren't asked.

How much money has he got?

I think we can assume
that he is comfortably off.

I think he's OK!

He's probably got protein bars
that he sells and, like...

Would it be possible for us
to have a look at your account?

That's fine, yeah.

What do your mam and dad do?

Er, they are both retired.

Are they now?
Retired billionaires!

True. We'll go true. Matt,
was it the truth or was it a lie?

It was, in fact...

...true.
Yay!

APPLAUSE

Yay!

Eddie, you're next.

I once kicked Harold Pinter
in the privates.

Lee's team.
Wow. When?





I should say, by the way, for a lot
of my audience that watch for me -

the younger sort of crowd, and they
might not know - Harold Pinter

was a very famous playwright,
now deceased. Just there we are.

So why did you kick Harold Pinter
in the privates?

I almost said, "Why did you kick
Harold privates in the Pinter?"

It was during
a rehearsal of a play.

What was the play?
The Homecoming.

At?
The National Theatre.

Ooh!
OK.

We were doing, er, a fight scene,

and, erm, the actor that I was
supposed to be, erm, kicking

moved out of the way.
Who was that actor?

Will we know that person?
Keith Allen.

Keith Allen from The Comic Strip,
Keith Allen? Yes.

Who else was in it?
Michael Sheen. Oh!

Wales' second greatest actor.

LAUGHTER

After Anthony Hopkins.

APPLAUSE

Is it normal that he would be there?

Keith Allen was terrible
at improvising lines,

so Harold was making sure that every
comma and pause and, and... Right.

...was being adhered to. And at
one point, you were supposed to kick

the character of Keith Allen...
Keith Allen.

...that Keith Allen's playing.

Moved out of the way,
and I kicked Harold Pinter.

What was he doing
stood right behind Keith Allen?

Er, checking that he was doing the,
erm...

By physically standing
an inch behind him?! Yes!

I've never written a play myself,
but I don't think you always have to

turn up to every rehearsal
of every play you've ever written

just to make sure the actors
aren't going off-script

and stand near them
to stop them doing so.

This is quite a major revival
of the play at the National Theatre.

Writers do attend some rehearsals.
No, I suppose so.

Well, he paid a terrible price.

Did he ever laugh about it,
or was it very awkward?

No, he didn't...
Harold didn't laugh about it.

Harold... Harold was very offended.

What did he say?
Offended!

People are so offended these days,
aren't they?

They take offence at anything!

Can't kick anyone in the ba*ls
any more!

So why was you kicking him
in the play?

Because he's my a*usive brother.

It's a marvellous moment.
It's brilliant.

I was fantastic. But...
LAUGHTER

It's one of the great
groin-kicking moments in theatre.

It's one of the greats.
It's up there with the moment

when Hamlet kicks Claudius
in the ba*ls. Yes.

Yeah, but he got Shakespeare
one time, and that was very awkward.

Yeah!
LAUGHTER

What were you wearing?
I had a suit specially made for me.

It was all, like, set in the '60s,
so I had a nice...

Oh, it was a dress rehearsal?

No, but we'd always wear costumes
in rehearsals. Why?

Because it affects your physicality.

He wouldn't understand, Eddie.
He wouldn't understand.

Does it?!
I'll tell you what, in the pantos,

they don't do it until the very
first performance.

Ivo, what do you reckon?

I think it is a lie.
Kadeena?

I think it's a lie.
You think it's a lie?

I think it might be a lie.
They think it's a lie.

Eddie, was it a lie
or were you telling the truth?

It's a lie.

It's Kojey.

I have what I call happy trousers
and sad trousers,

and I choose which ones to wear
depending on my mood.

Oh! What a lovely story.

Oh! Are you wearing your happy
or sad trousers this evening?

These are a neutral pair.

It's great to be on the show,
isn't it, Kojey?

I'm outside of the house.

Oh, only in the house?
Only in the house.

What's the difference
between the happy and the sad?

Is it colourful? Brightness?
Juxtaposition.

You know? Oh. On my happy days,
I like to wear dark colours,

and on my sad days,
I like to wear bright colours.

Gosh. I thought maybe your sad ones
would be really absorbent

so you could cry into them.

LAUGHTER

It takes a lot of confidence
to go to the shop

and ask for absorbent trousers.

Trust me!
Yes.

Can you describe them in detail,
both pairs, please?

Erm, yes.

Well, do it, though.

Erm, one's like linen, oxblood.
Yeah.

Yeah? And the other one...
Just plain? Very plain.

So they're the happy trousers
because they're a darker colour.

Yeah.
Sad trousers, please.

Yellow. Mustardy.
Oh, so really bright? Oh.

In a situation where you wake up
sad, you think,

"Right, the sad trousers." Straight
away put the yellow ones on. Mm-hm.

And then perhaps you watch
an upbeat item on This Morning,

would you change your trousers?
No.

I start as I mean to go on.
Well...

Do you ever wake up happy?

How do you know?
I'm happy that I've woken up!

How do you know you're happy
when you wake up?

The sheets are dry.

Kojey, how long after you wake
can you ascertain your mood?

OK, so I've woken up.

"Ah!" Boom.
Like Sleeping Beauty vibes.

Yeah, yeah. Sat up.
Yeah. Yeah.

The sheets have fell gracefully
to my waist to cover...

Nice. Very poetic, isn't it?
...the nudey bits. Beautiful.

Yeah? I look towards the window.
Yeah. Yeah?

And normally, if it's a happy day,
there are birds waiting to take

the covers off me
and bring me my trousers.

Yeah.
Wow.

Let's go for a stab at this.

Jill.
Jill, what do you think?

I think you might have got
the pants the wrong way around.

Happy should be happy.

But I get the idea that if you're
sad, you put on your happy trousers.

Yeah. Like, I was so sad
this morning

knowing I had this with you, so I...
LAUGHTER

I put on my colours. And yet,
I was happy to be with you

and put on my black T-shirt.

Erm, I'm going to go...

Oh, it's so hard.
It is.

Lie.
And Harry, what about you?

Yeah, I'm saying lie.
Lie as well.

OK, Lee?
It's a lie.

Kojey, truth or lie?

It was a lie.

Yes!
It was a lie. It was all a lie!

Rosie, you're next.

I hated a shirt of my husband's
so much, I secretly gave it

to a charity shop, then had to
come clean when he saw it

on a mannequin in the window.

Lee's team. OK. Where do you live?
South Shields.

So you're in South Shields
and you're walking past.

And Chris, your husband?
Yes. Chris Ramsey? Yes.

He sees the offending article,
shall we call it? Yeah.

Describe the shirt. So it was just
very patterned, and I really...

Don't listen to her, Josh.

Sorry. Sorry!
Nervous moments!

We're all thinking, you know...

We put our little choices out there,
all vulnerable and hopeful.

Oh, bless him.

I love the fact that David thinks
he's being as bold as Josh!

So describe this shirt for us, then.

So, firstly, I really don't like
the colour burgundy.

Why don't you like it?
What is it about it?

It just doesn't suit his skin tone.

Oh, so you just don't like it
on him? Don't like it on him.

How would you describe
his skin tone? Like, pasty.

Pasty?
He suits, like, greens.

Would he suit what Josh is wearing?
No!

Did he see it first?

In the charity shop? In Oxfam, yeah.
Yeah, he saw it.

What did he say?
"Is that my shirt?"

And you said?
"It might be."

It's true, isn't it?
Come on, it's true.

Do you think it's true?
Yeah, I'm very confident.

Why are you so confident?
Are you?

Because I don't think she's got
it in her

to be that smooth with a lie.

Why don't you think she's got it
in her to lie that well?

I just don't think...
I mean, this... Who knows?

Say I'm nice-looking.

No, I just think it was so quick
and it was so natural.

LAUGHTER

Wow!
Yeah, no, sorry - yes!

Yeah, yeah. Because of that.
It's fine. Don't worry about it.

I mean, you could have at least
looked at her for another second.

What do you think, Shazia?
It's true.

You think it's true?
Not said with much conviction.

It's a mundane thing
that could happen to anyone,

so it could go either...
LAUGHTER

It could go either way.

They're full of the compliments,
these two, aren't they?

Right, they both think it's true.

Right, Matt, you're so confident,
you tell her.

True, yeah, it's true.
Go on. Be a legend.

You think it's true?
Yeah.

All right. So, Rosie,

looking lovely tonight, by the way.

Truth or lie?

It was, in fact...

...a lie.
See?

Kadeena, you're up next.

When I was on I'm A Celebrity,

I managed to smuggle two banned
items into the jungle.

Ooh! David's team.

OK. Right, what were the items?

Some sweets and some lip gloss.

What kind of sweets are we talking?

Chewits and Werther's Originals.
That's great!

That's the complete opposite ends
of the age spectrum, isn't it?

You start with Chewits and you end
your life with Werther's Originals.

Yeah.

What made you think of
taking a lip gloss?

Because my lips were getting
a bit dry. Right.

No, but lip gloss dries them out.
Do you think?

I feel like I've parachuted
into Loose Women!

Wow.

Won't be the first time
you've done that!

I mean, it's a hell of a trick,
I'll give you that.

Who else was in there with you?

Erm, so we had Richard Madeley.

Yeah?
Naughty Boy.

Was he?
Richard Madeley was a naughty boy?

You had an EastEnder, didn't you,
when you were in it?

Oh, we had, er, Ian Beale.

What's his real name?

Adam Woodyatt.
Adam. Yeah. Yeah.

So you smuggled the stuff in?
Yeah.

Did anybody notice?
Anybody find out?

Not noticed, but, like,
I told, erm...

And her name's just gone
from my head.

LAUGHTER

Just... You describe her and we'll
try and figure out who it was.

She's a judge on Strictly.
She used to be.

Arlene Phillips. Arlene Phillips.
Lovely Arlene.

But Arlene was struggling a little
bit, so I'd just smuggle it...

Because you said
they're old people's sweets.

I smuggled her a little
Werther's Original!

Arlene, if you're watching...

LAUGHTER

Well, look, David, let's say
about five to ten years from now,

you are going on to I'm A Celebrity,
Get Me Out Of Here. OK.

What are you smuggling in
to help you through?

I admire your optimism, Rob,
but I don't think there is any way

that in five or ten years' time,
I would be insurable for that show.

Thanks for taking part
in the fun of the game!

Lee, for you, what would you need?

Uh, just any... Anything.

I mean, just...
Yeah, you're really helping!

I'm so sorry about the insurance
remark, because this is gold.

At least I'm trying
to play along, David!

What are we thinking? Eddie?

I think it's true.

I've never watched
I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here.

Because you're the most cultured
person we've ever had on here!

No, it's because they never
had me on.

If I'm not on it,
I'm not watching it. No.

Is this the first time you'll have
seen this show when you watch it?

OK, I'm going to go true.

You're saying it's true? Yeah. OK.

Kadeena, they think it's true.
Was it true or was it a lie?

It was indeed true.

It's David.

Last year, I won this hat on a plane
for being the only person

to find all the words in the
in-flight magazine wordsearch.

LAUGHTER

Just take the hat
and pop it on the desk for us.

There we go.
Wow.

What was the flight?

easyJet.

Were the rules anyone who finished
it gets the hat,

or the first to finish it
gets a hat?

Of all the finishers, the person
they randomly select gets a hat.

Are you sure you weren't
the only person to complete it,

like it says on the card?

Yeah, I was probably...
I was probably the only person.

Thinking back,
they had to give it to me

because I was just the only person.

Do you remember any of the words
that you identified?

February.

What was the theme?

Sorry, the theme of the wordsearch?

They're often themed, aren't they?

The, the... Are they?
Often, yeah.

Yes. Almost always.
Ah.

Maybe the theme was
the early months of the year,

but that seems quite a narrow theme.
Yeah, it does, doesn't it?

Can you put it on for us, David?

Let's have a little look.
Let's go, yeah.

Oh, now it's believable!

It's an incredible looking hat
to give as a prize on a...

You'd think a baseball cap,
wouldn't you?

But no, they went
for that... strange... hat!

They went... That might have been
borrowed from "'Allo 'Allo!".

I think they wanted a sort of
undertone of totalitarianism.

Just to remind everyone
that we live in a troubled world.

Michelle, if you were getting
onto a plane

and you looked in the c*ck,
and you saw THAT in the c*ck,

how would you feel?

They didn't let me
sit in the c*ck.

No, but sometimes the captain
pops out, doesn't he?

No. I'd say a man looking
like that in the c*ck

is not as worrying as a man
looking like that sat at the back.

That's a fair point.
Who were you travelling with, David?

With my wife and daughter.

How did your daughter feel
when Daddy won this accolade?

She was very, very proud.

LAUGHTER
Ve-e-ery proud.

Did she help you?

No. No, no, that would have been
quite unethical.

That's a horrible image, isn't it?

"Daddy, I think..."
"I'm doing it, not you."

She didn't want to... She didn't
want to do the wordsearch?

She said it's just like crosswords
for stupid people.

Tell me this, David.
Did they give it to you mid-flight

or when you land? I think it was
towards the end of the flight.

Did they make an announcement?
Yes. They made an announcement,

and I said, could they please
mention my degree?

Because I thought...

Your degree of contempt
for all the other passengers?

All right,
what are we thinking? Bob?

I can't buy into the idea
of David on easyJet.

Oh, I've been on easyJet.
THAT'S true.

I mean, that's TRUE!

I was feeling like
it was all a bit of codswallop.

You're too clever at that, so there
might be a lot of double-bluffing.

So...
It does fit.

They measured everyone as we got on.

Right, it's time to go for a guess.

I say lie.
You say lie?

Go with Bob.

All right, we'll say it's a lie.
You're going to say it's a lie.

David, was it true,
or were you telling us a lie?

It was a lie.

I'm overthinking it.

Well, that's all we have time for
on this special edition

of "Would I Lie To You?".
Thanks very much for watching.

Goodnight.
APPLAUSE