03x03 - Vexations

[bunniefuu]

[Thordak] The gall.

In my lair.

No, it's all right.

They cannot hurt you.

I will not let them.

Yes.

[Raishan] Vox Machina has proven

more elusive than I expected,

but I will discover their location.

I assure you.

I seek bloodshed, not assurance.

If she cannot find them, I can.

No. You need a bloodhound for this,
not a bulldog.

Why so insistent?

Are you withholding something?

You are the one withholding my cure.

Be grateful I allow your treacherous lungs
to draw breath.

That stone in your chest
makes you paranoid.

[growls]

You dare mock my power?

Vorugal, send word across the kingdoms.

Anyone who delivers Vox Machina will get

Raishan's share of our empire.

And if you value your pathetic life,

you'd best find them first.

I give you two days.

[yelps, pants]

Leave me to my family.

Soon, my children, very soon,

the corpses of our enemies
shall be your cradles,

and their eternal agony your milk.

[theme music playing]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[chirping]

[chuckles] Bull's-eye.

That's quite the omen.

Actually, it's supposed to mean good luck,

especially in romance.

Then I should've put a bird's nest
in my bedroom years ago.

[laughter]

That's f*cking weird.

Percy's nesting habits aside,

the Plate of the Dawnmartyr
is apparently in Hell.

Are we seriously considering going?

Well, it would make for an awesome song.

♪ Vox Machina conquered Hell ♪

♪ Where the demon Zerxus dwells ♪

♪ On a chariot of flame,
they sang out his name ♪

♪ Scanlan the demon god cast his spell ♪♪

-[Pike] Oh.
-[Grog clears throat] Hmm.

[Vex] Oof.

[Scanlan] I should workshop it.
I'll workshop it. Yeah.

Okay, even if we go,
how would we get there?

Actually, we know a way.
An old ally of ours...

Dohla? No way. That b*tch wanted me dead.

Oh, don't be dramatic. It's been years.

Ooh, Kima with the hot goss.
Spill it, girl.

Our former adventuring companion
was just named to the Draconian Assembly.

They guard a hidden rift to the Hells.

Isn't Draconia a frigid,
floating wasteland?

And our "companion" was so pissed
at me she moved there.

We sort of need this thing, guys.

Think you can bury the battle axe
long enough to get us into Hell?

[Kima] Ugh.

I don't love leaving
Whitestone unprotected.

Oh, look on the bright side, darling,

fewer birds in the snow.

[Cassandra] Your concerns are appreciated,
brother, but I've been running this city

for quite some time now.
Gilmore has managed

to make his cloaking spell
more or less permanent.

Yennen tells me this year's
Harvest Festival will be well attended,

and the ranks of the Pale Guard
are up to pre-Briarwood levels.

I assure you, we'll be fine.

-Mm-hmm.
-In fact, while you're gone,

perhaps I'll cut down the Sun Tree
and build an extravagant canoe.

Right. Sounds lovely.

Big day tomorrow. Everything all right?

Uh... Yes. Of-of course.
Uh, we were just discussing...

-Um...
-Canoes.

I see. Well,

if you want to update me
on the, um, canoe situation,

I'll be up for a bit.

-You're smitten.
-And so what if I am?

-It's not like I can act on it.
-Brother,

women aren't some mysterious code.

When one invites you to her room, you go.

[grunts]

I know relationships in a group like ours
can be problematic and... No.

Vex, I have developed
a sort of affection for you, and, uh...

Ugh, and...

Oh, f*ck it.

-[knock on door]
-[Vex] Who is it?

[Percy] Uh, it's Percival.

I was hoping... we could... chat.

Of course. Would you like
to talk before or after?

-[grunts]
-[door shuts]

-[knock on door]
-[Keyleth] One sec.

Hi. Um...

Oh, um, yeah, come in.

I was just... you know...

Uh, right. I'll just, um, sit,

-if that's...
-Sure. Sit, yeah.

Listen, I...

-[Keyleth] I forgive you.
-[Vax] We can't be together.

[grunts, pants]

[moans]

This could be trouble. I...

Right, shutting up now.

[both moaning]

But... we kissed.

[sighs] I know,

but it can't work, you and I.

Our future is clouded with misery.
I saw it.

The Matron? Again?

It's not just her.

Your Aramenté, when you complete it...

[Keyleth] You think I don't know?

Becoming the Voice of the Tempest is
a responsibility that lasts for centuries.

Long after we're gone. After I'm gone.

So joy today isn't worth pain tomorrow?

I just can't bear the idea
of putting you through that.

As a team, we take risks all the time.

We're going to g*dd*mn Hell
for a piece of armor, but...

you won't risk anything for me.

That's not true.

If you're too afraid to let me in, then...

maybe you should leave.

If you had seen what I have...

Just get out.

[both panting]

Kiki, please.

[crying]

[sorrowful music playing]

[Vex and Percy moaning]

[both panting]

Good talk.

[lute playing]

[yawns]

New song?

Something like that.

[Scanlan sighs] You ever get the chance
to tell someone how you feel

and you-you just kind of chicken out?

Yeah. I have.

And, hey,

no matter how bad
you messed up with Kaylie,

I'm here.

Whoa! Not... what I meant.

sh*t, sh*t, sh*t. I-I-I thought...

[grunts] Oh, f*ck.

-'Cause you put your hand...
-No, it's fine, I... Really...

-f*ck, I don't know what's wrong with me.
-Oh, no, I was just being nice.

I'm just gonna go back to my magical
nightclub and punch myself in the face.

Wait, where?

[sighs] Pike...

I'm sorry.

[sighs]

[footsteps retreat]

[door opens]

[door closes]

[chuckles]

Oh...

Uh...

-I was just, uh...
-Were you...

-[chuckles] I'm not... I'm not...
-Um, I-I need to... Uh...

-So, Draconia? Yes.
-So, Draconia. Right, right.

[Vex] Allura's preparing
the teleport circle.

[Keyleth] Good.

I don't want to mess up another tree.

Where do you think you're going?

Yo, yikes, Jarett.

You wake up on the
wrong side of the sword?

Okay, first off,
you really have to stop doing that,

and second, you wanted us
to get this Plate.

Thordak is already suspicious.

Quite a time
to leave your home unprotected.

If you try anything
while we're away, I swear...

You have two days, not a minute more.

[majestic music playing]

Welcome to Draconia.
Hope you brought mittens.

So, your friend...

[scoffs] Don't let her
hear you call her that.

What is the deal with you three?

Let's just say, being in dangerous
situations with someone you're close to

can lead... to friction.

She'll meet us up ahead.
Buckle the f*ck up.

[pensive music playing]

-[bell tolling]
-[Draconian steward] Yes, ma'am.

We'll have them waiting when you return.

Allura.

Dohla. Good to see you.

[Dohla] My gods, I've missed you.

And Kima the Mighty.

Kima the Brave.

Ow.

Kima the Gullible. [laughs]
How you faring?

Confused. At how little
you've changed. Wow.

Your message did catch me by surprise,
but it sounded important.

And if the Despath gateway can help,

the Draconian people
are more than willing to share it.

New friends, it's a bit of a trek.

Try not to fall behind.

-[chuckles]
-How far could it be?

[atmospheric music playing]

[Grog] Okay, it's far.

[grunts]

Oh, are you okay?

I have to be.

Ah, this is it.

[Scanlan] Oh. Sorry, this is what?

No one guards this gateway?

It's well-hidden.

And if anyone found it, eternal hellfire
is a pretty strong deterrent.

It takes more than one
to open the gateway,

and it can only be done from this side.

So, some of you need to stay.

It's fine. Kima and I will remain.

Me, too. You'll need a lookout.

Um, I should stay as well.

If you think you'll help.

We'll go through, find the Plate,
and get the hell out of there.

Pun intended?

The gateway cannot remain
indefinitely. Remember,

we'll reopen it in exactly 12 hours.

Twelve? But I ain't got enough fingers.

Anybody got 12 fingers?

[Scanlan] Buddy, if you run out,
just switch to toes.

[both grunt]

[majestic music playing]

Hurry, before it closes.

[all panting]

Good luck, Vox Machina.

Bye!

[creature screeches]

[all panting]

Ah.

[ominous music playing]

[Pike] Holy sh*t.

Welp, won't be needing jackets.

Dis, the capital of Hell.

Ah, "dis" a rock.

-What are you on about?
-What?

I mean, you said "this" real weird.
I was just playing along.

[Vax] What? No. Dis is a city.

Yeah, and "dis" is a rock.

Oh, my God. Can we please focus
on real sh*t, guys?

Like those. Are those souls?

-[souls screaming]
-[Pike] Yeah, unfortunately.

The evil of our world,

sent here for punishment.

Now how the devil do we break in?

Another quality pun.

I got to say, D, I was a little nervous

after how we left things. I mean,
me and Allie getting together.

Listen, I'm sorry if I hurt you.

What are you talking about?

Oh. Um, didn't you have,
like, feelings for me?

Feelings? Kima, we're adults.

There were crushes,
but we had a job to do.

It was always clear that you two
were destined for each other.

So... you weren't, like, butt-hurt?

In all these years,
I haven't given it a single thought.

So...

So... what?

Last night. [chuckles]

[chuckles] Ah, yes. Last night was fun.

-And?
-And I think I'll fix some tea.

That's it? End of conversation?

Shouldn't we talk about what that was?

What we are?

If you need a label, call it a tryst.

Call it a mistake.
Call it whatever you want.

I want to know what you want.
Unless you're too scared to say it.

[scoffs] Sc... I am not scared.

-I'm... Ah!
-[high-pitched ringing]

Vex?

[tense, ominous music playing]

-How did he know where we were?
-Over here!

We need to find cover.

[all panting]

[Vorugal] Yes, run.

Vorugal will gladly hunt you down.

-[sighs] We're safe here.
-Shh...

-[Vorugal roars]
-You were saying?

Down!

[grunts]

[screams]

[intense music playing]

[Vorugal] Can't hide forever.

-You two okay?
-What the hell? It'll hear us.

I'm checking on the others.
Something you should be doing.

[Vex whistles]

See? They're fine.

[groans]

[Allura] You all right down there?

We need to move.
The western ridge has cover.

No. We're better off
crossing to that peak.

Seems rather in the open,
but you're the local.

Lead the way.

You're taking us further from the gateway.

We need to be back
to re-open it for our friends.

[scoffs] As if you care.

The f*ck? Of course we do.

Forgive me, but you have a history
of leaving allies in the dust.

I was right beside you
when we defeated Thordak.

I shed just as much blood.

And yet, when the time came for accolades,

you two wound up on
the Council of Tal'Dorei,

living in a fancy ivory tower.

While I landed back here in the snow.

Dohla, I didn't know you wanted
to be on the council.

We assumed you were happy.
[sighs] I'm sorry.

We both are.

[pensive music playing]

[Dohla] That's nice to hear,

but a bit too late.

Of course you didn't know.

You were lost in each other's eyes.

Blinded by a schoolgirl romance.

But Draconia never abandoned me,

and I will not abandon them.

-Wait, Vorugal will see.
-What are you doing?

[dramatic music playing]

-A distress beacon?
-You've sentenced us to death!

Not us. You.

The dragons have sworn to spare my people,

and after I turn you over,

they've promised me the power you stole.

Traitor.

-[grunts]
-Allie!

[grunts]

[chuckles] Blinded by love again.

[grunts]

[grunting]

[pants]

-How do we shut this thing off?
-[grunts]

-[high-pitched ringing]
-Ah.

He's coming.

[growls]

[Vorugal] There you are.

I hope he kills you first,

so Kima can watch you die.

You b*tch.

Perhaps we can table this discussion?

That way. The ones you want are that way.

[screams]

[Vorugal] Don't worry, I won't bite.

I swallow my prey whole.

[intense, dramatic music playing]

Allura, can you form
one of those shields beneath us?

Wha... I'm not sure how that would... Ah.

-[screams]
-Oh, my word.

[Percy] I don't know if you've noticed,

but he's right behind us.

[grunts]

We're edging.

Nice steering, babe.

[Allura] Damn it.

You can't run from this.

[Allura] Avalanche!

[Percy] No, no, no!

Kima!

[Vex] Watch out!

[grunts]

Come on, you overgrown idiot.

You should've finished them by now.
What are you waiting for?

I want to see blood.

[Vorugal] Do you?

Dohla!

No! No!

No.

[grunts]

[growls]

[screams]

Good. I'll go find your friend.

[roars]

[somber music playing]

[panting]

[grunts]

Are you all right?

I'm fine. Check on Vex.

I'll look for a way out of here.

[Percy] Vex?

Oh, thank goodness we're together.

Percy... about earlier...

We both know there's something between us.

Maybe, but I'm not ready to say
what you want to hear.

Relationships are... dangerous.

Look what happened today.

Everyone I've ever loved, it...

it always ends badly.

It's like I'm a bad omen.

I'm willing to take that chance.

Look, I care about you,

which is why we can't
be more than just a fling.

Is that all right?

Mm.

As you like.

[Allura] There's no way out.

And Kima, she's...

She's alive, Allura. You hear me?

Right now, our friends
are trying to find a vestige

in the worst place imaginable.

[screaming]

[Vex] But I know they'll be okay.

Because I know their hearts.

You know Kima's heart, too.

We're getting out of this cave, damn it.

Not because it's easy,
but because we must,

for the ones we love.

No matter what...

we have to believe
it's going to be all right.

[Allura] And if it isn't?

[Vex] Then nothing matters.

[theme music playing]

♪ ♪

Chirp.