01x04 - The Jawline of Your Dreams

[bunniefuu]

This is the worst day of my life.

Or the best.
You're famous.

I'm confused.
Did you get jaw surgery?

Of course not.
I did the gig for rent money

and some doctor must have
licensed my likeness.

Do they do discounts
for friends of the model?

Because this mewing gum I bought
is not working.

This is bad.
Now, I'll never be taken seriously

as an actor.

And what if my parents see this?

They still think I'm in med school.

Your parents may not be psyched,
but this could be your new thing.

You could be "jaw guy."

A household name,
like Flo from Progressive.

You know, I had my first sex dream
about Flo.

She kept the apron on the whole time.

I need this taken down immediately.

Let us know how we can help.

Come here.

That's our friend!

- What?
- Nothing.

Oh! Oh!

You clearly want me to ask.

Uh, AJ sent a funny meme
to the Slack,

but then immediately sent another one.

And it's like, slow down, girl,
let 'em breathe.

- Hey, how's it going with her?
- Good.

I've got a new angle.
She respected me at work

when I saved her a*s
on the Yarn Barn deal.

Yeah, you didn't stop
talking about it for days.

Exactly.

So, I'm leaning into being a source
of wisdom and guidance

until her brain tells her heart
that she's in love with me.

And you and I become Irish twins.

I don't think that means
what you think it means.

It's two guys who have kissed
the same girl.

I'm Irish, trust me.

Hello.

Matcha delivery.

Austin. Hey.

You know, your fitting's not for an hour.

Vanessa's still getting
her vampire facial.

Yeah, I was hoping that.

I wanted to talk to you
about The Albies.

George Clooney's humanitarian awards?

- Are you going?
- Yeah, I'm presenting an award

to the person who invented Band-A*DS
for different skin tones.

- And I need a stylist.
- Amazing.

Vanessa will be thrilled.

No, I mean, I want you to style me.

- Me?
- Yeah.

I haven't really been happy with Vanessa
since she put me in the same pants

as Austin Butler at the Gotham Awards.

Yeah, I know,
but literally, no one noticed.

Everyone noticed. Now, I'm scared
to wear pants to an awards show.

I am so flattered that you asked me...

but I cannot do that to Vanessa.

And I'm not just saying that
because I'm pretty sure

she has cameras everywhere.

Damn. Okay.

Well, can you tell her to put me
in something simple for Seth Meyers?

I'm tired of being called
budget Harry Styles.

I can't believe I'm spending


helping a concrete company
buy a slightly smaller concrete company.

You chose this life.

Sara Blakely's here?

She founded Spanx.
I want in on whatever that is.

Too bad.
Staffed before you got here.

But there's no women on that team.

Welcome to banking.

Huh.

Anyway, so we've engaged
with Ellison Grant,

and their client,
The Cinchery, loves you

and is looking forward
to joining the Spanx family.

I filled my partners in
on the acquisition and we're ready to go.

Coffees are here.
Sorry I'm late.

- When did we do a coffee run?
- Here's a cup for you, Miss Blakely.

Can I say, you're a business icon.

Spanx revolutionized shapewear.

AJ, stop.
You're embarrassing yourself.

This is AJ.
She's our newest analyst.

As you can see,
you have a lot of fans in the building.

Oh, great.
Is she also on the deal?

Oh, no.
No, don't worry.

AJ's great.
So much promise.

But only the most seasoned team for you.

That's too bad. It would be nice
to have a woman on this team.

I agree. Consider it done.

Well, hopefully, with an extra set
of hands on this deal,

it will get done soon.

Don't worry,
we won't let you down.

You can take that to the bank.

Our bank. Fisher Stassen.

- We are so f*cked.
- Why?

- She seemed happy.
- Yeah, Sara is,

but the owner of The Cinchery
refuses to sell to Spanx

if Fisher Stassen is a part of the deal.

I don't know why. Their reps
at Ellison Grant won't call me back.

- And Sara doesn't know this?
- Of course not.

You know what? I'm going to Ellison now
to get answers. Everybody back to work.

Alright, Spanx on me.
Spanx on three.

Dileep.

You wanted to see us, Wes?

- I have an assignment for you two.
- Yes, finally.

Is it about microplastics?
Macroplastics?

Trash islands in general?

There's one out by Fiji
I would love to visit.

No, this is much more important.

I was doing my nightly review
of how the show was received...

and when I googled myself,
the first word that came up

after my name was "dead."

Well, that's ridiculous.
You're on TV every weeknight.

That's what I thought,
but these people say it's a deepfake.

And there are tells.

You never see my hands
and I never turn my head.

That's why you were gesticulating
so much on air today.

Oh, my God, you're right.
I-It's all over Reddit.

They straight-up think you're dead.

People should be interested in me
because of my accomplishments

and what my apartment looks like.

So, I have a task for you
and for the health of the show.

I need you both
to dispel this rumor by Friday.

Sir, you can't care
what the internet thinks.

Says a non-famous loser.

I'm pretty well known
in the youth squash world.

We're on it. Right, Josh?

Great. Oh, Paula. Thank God.

- Did you hear?
- Yeah. You're dead.

Come with me,
it's time for your briefing.

This sh*t never happens
to Anderson Cooper,

and he actually looks like a ghost.

Alright, your blood pressure?

My blood pressure's fine.

So, I was thinking I'll take TikTok
and Twitter, and you do Reddit?

I can't believe we have
to convince crazy people

our boss is alive.
This is beneath us.

I don't know, it's kind of a nice break
from scraping sauce out of the microwave.

Well, that, at least,
solves a tangible problem.

This is make-work.

Didn't your dad start in the mailroom
and work his way up?

How do you know that?

- I read his book.
- Technically, his ghost writer's book.

- And it's mostly lies.
- Can we just do our job, please?

Fine. Against doctor's orders,
I'll have a second cold brew,

and we'll go to battle with the internet.

Hey, everyone, listen up.

Who here has a high-powered
lawyer parent?

I'm dealing with a wild injustice
and I need help.

Mr. W, we are also dealing
with an injustice.

Beth, it's not that big of a deal.

- Sorry, what's happening?
- My mom worked really hard

to get me, Sarah, and Marina
a chance to volunteer

at the Cloisters Museum
in Washington Heights on Thursdays.

We get to deep-clean
centuries of dirt and grime

and preserve the stone cloisters.

Because any Ivy League college
would cream their jeans for that.

- Please don't say that to me.
- But now Marina

wants to draw dragons instead.

I'm gonna need more info here.

I'm in a fantasy art class
that meets on Thursdays.

It allows me to explore my passion
for drawing dragons,

elves, trolls...

Giants, and Tinker Bells,
and Draculas.

We get it.
It's a betrayal, Mr. W.

We do things as a friend group,
no matter the sacrifice.

I haven't seen my horse in forever.

Okay. Fine.

Great. Seems like you guys
figured that out.

Uh, back to my thing.

No one here has a lawyer for a parent?

I find that hard to believe.

My dad practices property law?

Alright, Sarah.
I can work with that.

How 'bout I give you extra credit
if you give me his number?

What is it?

The name is Chrysanthemum,
but I might've signed up

as Chrys, C-H-R-Y... Oh!

Great! See you soon.

Who wants to work out with me at noon?

I'm famously in a boot.

I stand when my watch tells me to stand.

That's my workout.

Sorry, Padawan.
I don't think today's the day

to be sneaking out to exercise.

Even if we'll be working out
with Chrys Lee,

co-founder of The Cinchery,
the company we're trying to acquire?

Uh, wh... Well, how do you know
she'll be there?

Well, first, I tried finding her mother.

Turns out, there were a lot
of Shirley Lees.

I had a very deep conversation
with the wrong woman.

Great gal.
We're playing mahjong this weekend.

So then, I hunted down Chrys.

Saw she works out in the East Village,

posed as her to find out
what class she's in,

and lucky for us,
she'll be there at noon.

- Wanna come?
- Okay.

I can see you're excited, AJ,

but we don't stalk
the major players in deals.

- Mm.
- And Bill told us to hold tight.

This is me holding tight.

I'm keeping busy while holding tight.

Dileep, back me up here.

Can you tell her I'm right and smart?

You are wrong and stupid.

Bill once followed a client
to Hawaii on his vacation

to close the Wetzel's Pretzels sale
of 2022.

You don't get trophies like these

without taking some risks.

Don't listen to Dileep.
Bill is gonna k*ll you.

I appreciate your worry,
but it'll be fine.

Let's get you the platinum girdle.

Today's technically my rest day, but...

okay.

Sorry, Kel, I'm a land use attorney.

Any chance your ad
happens to be on disputed land?

Maybe.
Are-Are-Are the East 30s disputed?

Sorry, I don't think I can help you.

I mostly do zoning appeals
and divorces,

- and this sounds like neither.
- Damn it.

Oh! Listen, uh,
I've been considering a chin implant.

- How do you like yours?
- I didn't get one!

You don't have to be defensive.

It looks very natural, whoever did it.

- g*dd*mn it, are you kidding me?!
- Oh!

I got you.

- Thank you, thank you, thank you. Ugh.
- Yeah, of course.

Is all this going to Goodwill?

No, I have a fitting for Adrien Brody.

One of these is all scarves.

sh*t!
Vanessa says Adrien wants snacks.

I have to go. Okay.

- Can I help you?
- No, no, no, no.

I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.

Thank you!

Not now.

Hi, Vanessa?
The setup is complete.

Okay, well, change of plans.

I don't love the studio lighting.

We're moving everything to his loft, now.

Okay. Got it.

And press. Release.

Now, turn onto your backs.

Do not relax.
This is where the change happens.

Squeeze...

Oh, good. She's good at this.

Am I doing it right?
I feel like I'm thrusting offbeat.

I don't know.

We shouldn't even be here.

If this scares her off,
we will be so f*cked.

And Bill will definitely fire us.

Don't worry. If this goes south,
I'll take all the blame.

Why are your shorts so small?

They didn't have my size.

And they're cutting off
my most vital circulation.

Great class, everybody...

Wow. Tough class, huh?

- I get why we signed that waiver.
- Yeah.

Wait, um, we only took this class
so that we could meet you.

Sorry, I'm married
and not into that.

No. God, no.

I'm AJ, this is Davis.

We work at Fisher Stassen,
and we wanted to find out

why you don't want us repping Spanx.

Wow.

You were embarrassingly bad in a class
just to meet me?

- I feel like we kept up.
- Yeah, everybody knows

the more muscle you have,
the more you sweat.

Well, I appreciate your hustle.

And just so you know,
I have no issue with Fisher Stassen.

I just can't stand Bill Gibson.

Bill. Why Bill?

Back in business school,
he was a guest speaker.

And during the Q&A,
I pitched him my dream

of turning my mother's girdle company
into an e-tailer.

- Mm.
- I believe Bill's exact words were,

"Girdles? Gross.
No one wants to think about that."

Love that guy.

So, that's why I refuse to work
with Fisher Stassen.

But it's not just Bill.

There is a much larger team, like us,
who are dying to make this happen.

Come in for one meeting.

Hear our offer,
and if you don't want to work with us,

at least you can tell Bill
to go f*ck himself, right?

Fine.

One meeting.

Size up your shorts.

- What the hell was that?
- What? I'm saving the deal.

You can't throw Bill under the bus.

I didn't throw him under the bus.
I threw him on a pile of money.

And I'm trying to throw you
on a pile of help.

I don't need your help.
I got her to consider coming back.

All you did was complain you don't know
where your pelvic floor is.

Well, I just learned about it today,

and it looks like you got this all
figured out without my advice or input.

So, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go find a pair of scissors

to cut myself out of these shorts.

Right. Okay.

Hey! Do you like the stylist Erin Walsh?

She's great. Why do you ask?

I told you, I'm not happy with Vanessa.

I'm looking for a new stylist
and you won't do it, right?

Don't forget to pick up cat food.

Morning, beautiful.

Kel, keep 'em coming.

I was up 'til 3:00 convincing incels
on the internet that my boss is alive.

Oh, look who's dressed up nice
for his work crush.

- Ooh!
- It's for a meeting, not AJ.

I don't even know
if I still like her anymore.

- What?
- Why?

She's assertive and taking control
of everything on this deal.

- She's not following protocol.
- Is it working?

I guess, but that's not the point.

So, she's just good at her job?

Yeah, but I want her
to be good at her job in a way

that's still, like, sweet,
and cute, and nice.

Hey, man, you sound sexist.

Sexist? Me?
I'm... I love women.

All I've ever wanted to do was marry one
and make her my princess.

- It still doesn't sound good, man.
- I'm telling you, I love women.

Their brains, their faces, their boobs.

Who could that be this early?

Ooh, bet it's my laundry service.

I don't know how they get
the shirts so flat.

It's like, they make 25 shirts
look like a piece of paper.

Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Washington!

Nice to see you.

Kelechi Washington.
What is this?

- Okay, Mom, I can explain.
- Our neighbor recognized you

- and sent us this ad.
- Shelly.

The one who's always bragging
about her dentist son.

Why would you need
to get jaw surgery?

I'm-I'm... I didn't get surgery,
I just did the photo sh**t for money.

But medical school gives you a stipend.

- I quit med school.
- Why would you do that?

- Josh and Davis told me to.
- What?

- No, I didn't.
- Lies.

Okay, okay. I'm sorry.

The truth is,
I don't want to be a doctor.

It doesn't make me happy.

I want to be an actor.

An actor?
Lord help me.

Boys, excuse us for a second.

- Are we accomplices if he dies?
- I just don't understand...

My alibi is we were at the gym
doing an early morning lift.

Kel, we talked about this.

I thought you decided acting
was more of a side hustle,

like how Idris Elba deejays.

It was, but I hated
every second of med school.

I couldn't take it anymore.

When I'm acting,
I feel like I'm alive.

You know who feels alive?
The patients of doctors.

I promise, Mom,
you'll see that this is a good thing.

No. I never will.

Let's go, Clarence.

You want me to take you
to Williams-Sonoma to relax?

This calls for ABC Carpet and Home.

This is impossible.
When I say Wes is alive,

everyone online piles on me
and says I've been red-pilled.

I found the key to changing
people's comments is to adopt the persona

of someone who used to believe
the conspiracy, but changed their mind.

"I used to think Wes was dead,

"but I went through a show
frame-by-frame,

and that tight little body's 100% alive."

- Why is your persona so horny?
- It's the internet.

I decided that GingerStevensBoyMom
is a sassy mother of three

- reclaiming her sexuality.
- Okay.

Well, could you help me?
I've just been copying and pasting,

"You're f*cking wrong.
He's alive, you moron,"

with my fake account.

Let me see.

Oh, God, no, Josh,
that's not your fake account.

You're posting with your real name.

No, I'm not.
I toggled over to PhilipRothStan02.

- No, you didn't toggle.
- Oh, God!

- Delete, delete, delete.
- It's too late.

- People are already commenting.
- "I looked up Josh Teitelbaum.

He's a PA on the show.
The conspiracy is real."

Oh, no. What do we do?

Just delete it
before anyone else notices.

What have you done?

Hey, you two.

In my office.

You approached Chrys Lee?

Sir, I tried to tell AJ
that it was a bad idea,

- and that's not how we do...
- Shut up.

The details will only make me mad.

What matters is that
they are coming in today.

And I will take it from here.

- Good job.
- Thank you, sir.

AJ.

- You know you're gonna have to apologize.
- Apologize?

- For what?
- The reason they wouldn't come in

is you were incredibly belittling to Chrys

- 15 years ago.
- What?

Why would I be belittling to her?
She's nothing.

You spoke at her college
and said, quote...

"Girdles? Gross.
No one wants to think about that."

Okay. I mean, I probably did say that,

but I'm not apologizing for something
I barely remember.

And nor should you.
AJ.

- Bill, if we want to save this deal...
- I'm sorry.

"We"?
You do one good thing,

and we work for Fisher Stassen
and whatever your last name is?

You know it's Pascarelli.

Bill, what I think AJ is trying to...

- Don't speak for me.
- Don't speak for her.

What do you think will have
worse long-term effects?

You blowing a $50 million deal
on a point of pride?

Or saying one "I'm sorry"
for something you did?

Fine.

I don't have time for this.

I will apologize.
Now, get out of my office.

Okay, but I have one more idea.

- Oh, God.
- Are you f*cking kidding me?

m*therf*cker!

Oh, my God.

You always seem
to have your hands full.

Here, let me help. Um...

No.
No, no, no, no, no, no.

You're pairing the wine-colored shoes
with the maroon.

- Stop.
- Sorry.

It's okay.

I just can't keep defending
this stupid job to my parents.

Vanessa makes me crush her Xanax
into a Red Bull.

It's just as humiliating
as they think it is.

You wouldn't get it.
You're a parent's dream.

Oh, no, not anymore.
I told my parents I quit med school

- to pursue acting.
- Whoa.

I know immigrant parents
and I'm scared for you.

Yeah, no, they did not take it well.

But I'm impressed.

It takes a lot to do what you want,
despite what others think.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

I think you made the right choice.

Are you serious?

Those are not the same shoes.

- Are you blind?
- Your job is very difficult.

If this doesn't work, you're fired.

Relax. It's gonna work.

It's gonna work, right?

I don't know.

But dry your hands
before greeting the clients.

Shirley. Chrys.

Welcome. Come on in.

- I'm Bill, and this is my team.
- I know who you are.

My daughter has told me everything.

I understand, and that was long ago.

You know, oftentimes,
things can be misconstrued

as offensive when...

You know what, let me start over.

What I said was wrong and stupid.

Oh, and rude. Obnoxious.

Sexist. Uncalled for.

- Am I missing anything?
- No.

But I would say rude again.

- Say it again.
- Rude.

- Say it again.
- Rude.

Rude.

You're right.

You had a brilliant idea.

And I didn't see it
because I was an as*h*le.

And I am sorry to use that language,
but it's true.

We want the best for The Cinchery
'cause your product is the best.

And how would you even know that?

I promise you, we'll structure the deal
so it supports you...

as much as this girdle supports me.

And us.

Though I should've gone a size up.

I, too, have been snatched.

Okay. Let's talk.

Congrats.
You've legitimized this conspiracy

with your incompetence.

My hairstylist, Marie, quit.

She says she does not mess
with ghosts.

- She gave me this rosary.
- I am so sorry, Wes.

I did not take this as seriously
as I should have,

but I think I might know
how to fix this.

In ninth grade, I was 5'2" and everyone
called me Natalie Portman.

Ah, funny, but what's the point?

The point is, the only way I survived
until I got my HGH injections

was by joining in on the joke.

I went as Black Swan for Halloween.

It was epic, and the jokes
lost all their power.

You just have to be so confident
that you think all of this is funny.

I'm not confident, and I hate this.

Sir, I think Josh is right.
I think the only way to fix this

is to fake it 'til you make it.

What do you idiots have in mind?

Good evening.
Before we begin with the news,

I would like to address the online rumor
that I am dead.

It's true.

I died celebrating Simone Biles'


and have haunted these halls ever since.

I thought coming out as g*y

would be the defining moment
of my career, but no.

It's coming out as a ghost.

Boo!

Here is tonight's top story.

- Yes!
- Whoo!

I wanted to check in
to see how classes are going.

Maybe we could debrief
over a wine tasting

or ice skating in Central Park?

Please, can I just show up late?

No, that's it!

We tried to be nice, Marina,
but fantasy art class is stupid.

Yeah, so, what,
are you gonna be an illustrator

and hang out with the artsy girls?

You can't pull off overalls.

I was thinking more storyboard artist,
but okay.

- I'll talk to my mom.
- Hey!

No one's talking to their mom.

- Whoa! That was loud, Mr. W.
- Yeah.

Well, people shouldn't have to choose
between friends and family

and doing what they love.

- He's right, girls.
- But what Marina loves is lame.

No, it's not.
It's her passion,

which is a beautiful thing to foster.

Come on, Marina, show us
some of those cool drawings.

Jesus Christ.

Those are very detailed.

That's Bloodtooth Firebones.

He looks scary,
but he's actually nice.

Oh, cool.

Point is, if drawing freaky little dragons
makes Marina happy...

you guys should support her.

If Marina gets out of volunteering,
then I want to go see Sonora.

That's my horse.

If he doesn't recognize me, I'll die.

Fine. We'll all do our own thing
on Thursdays.

More removing grime
from an ancient religious pillar for me!

I drew one of you, Mr. W.

Look, she has you
eating a burrito.

I love burritos.
Our similarities are endless.

It's almost spooky.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I'm sorry I doubted you.

I mean, you clearly knew
what you were doing.

Thank you.

And if I had known
about your arrhythmia,

I wouldn't have dragged you
to that workout class.

Yeah, I was touch-and-go there
for a minute.

Uh, anyway, I guess
I'm a little intimidated by you.

I mean, you just go for things.

I do.
It doesn't always work out,

like my One Direction tattoo.

You wanna go
for a celebratory drink?

You know, with the team or us,
or even...

Yeah, I think I gotta stay and work.

I still have a concrete company to buy.

Yeah.
I get why they picked you, though.

'Cause you rock, lady.
'Cause of the concrete.

And because...

Got a solo. Thank you.

Sorry, it's hard for me
to hit the brakes.

I was wrong.
Capable ladies are the sh*t.

This is crazy.

I don't know. One sec.

I can't believe Wes hugged you.

It's hitting a little different
now that I realize how shallow he is.

How did you not know that?

I guess I thought he was a titan
of journalistic integrity.

He's won Pulitzers,
exposed corruption.

He didn't do that. Paula did.

Wes is a great anchor, but Paula's the one
who gets everything done.

Wow, I had no idea.

Most people don't.

Alright, heading home.

Good night, Joffrey.

France is but a way...

You found me
at my weakest moment.

And truthfully, I pa...

Hello?

Oh, hey.

Oh, God.

Is this what happens
when you style yourself?

Yeah, I'm doing a camera test
for the new Sofia Coppola film.

I'm playing George Washington.

- Okay, silver fox.
- Yeah.

Sofia's a genius.

I mean, no one's ever done a film
about the Revolutionary w*r

where everyone is hot.

What's up?

I wanted to tell you
that I changed my mind.

I'd love to style you for The Albies,

but I need to be the one
to tell Vanessa.

Oh, yeah, of course.
I mean, this is bloody brilliant.

Thank you so much.

I promise I will not let you down.

Thank you, thank you,
thank you, thank you, thank you.

Careful.
'Member the professional boundary?

Yeah.

Uh...

well, I should, um, start prepping.

'Kay.

I, uh, wanted to ask
about some of the deal points.

Spanx agreed to a limited escrow.

Will reps insurance cover the rest?

And the non-compete.

What?

Are you mad about the way
I spoke to you today?

'Cause it was the only way
to make you understand.

No.

No, I just, uh...

I think you're really good at this job.

Well, it... it's not just me.

Everyone pulls their own weight.

What? Why do you keep smiling?

It's nothing. Nothing. I...

What? No.
No, come on.

I have to know or I will spiral
thinking up bad things.

I just...

I just really wanna kiss you right now.

- I should head home.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, good idea.

- Yeah.
- It's late.

Yeah.

Um... yeah.

You know what, you go 'head.

Yeah, I'll just hang back
and, uh, take the stairs.

- Good night!
- Yep. Good night.

Go to bed.