03x06 - Sorry

[bunniefuu]

EMILY: Okay.
ANNIE: Oh, wow!

WILL: Oh, my God!

ANNIE: Crab king!

WILL: Oh, my God.
ANNIE: Oh, my God!

- Okay, what's happening here?

- Grab the crab that speaks
to you the most.

- After you.
- Wow, thank you.

Just take the--oh, God.

- Okay, so just crack it.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- And then just kind of
sensually wiggle that meat out.

- Wow.

- Unfortunately, I am an expert
at this,

because my family made me do it
every summer.

- Oh, I'm so sorry that you had
to summer

in paradise every year.

- Thank you for saying that.
It's actually my trauma.

- Are you getting really hot?

I feel like my legs
are radiating heat.

I should've brought shorts.

- Wow, this from a man
who roasted us

for bringing multiple bags.

- Wow.
- You all have two bags.

That's like six bags
for three days.

That's insane.

- Can I just say, for a man
who's only been around a month,

you are very comfortable
talking a lot of sh*t

about how all you needed was
a dang JanSport.

- That is also fair,

and that was a nice impression,
by the way.

- Thank you.

- That was like looking
in a mirror for me.

- Why don't you just cut
your jeans into shorts?

- No, I'm good.
Thank you, though.

- Oh, okay.
- Oh, please.

Come on.

I gotta see what's under there.

- Ooh.
- Oh.

Give the vile woman
what she wants.

ANNIE: Come on, let me be vile.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

WILL: I'm all messed up.

EMILY: You have to kind of vibe
with it, dog.

WILL: I'm trying.

Is this attractive to see
a grown man fight a kite?

- [laughs]
- Yes.

- Okay, tell me.

Did you guys bang it out
last night?

- No.
- Oh.

- No, I don't know.

I thought it was gonna happen,
but it did not happen.

- I'm only worried because
I actually like him,

but the longer this goes on,
it might start to become weird.

- I know, and, like,

I feel very connected to him,
like, emotionally.

It', like,
aggressively healthy,

but I don't know, any time I
try to, like, involve his body,

he, like, shuts me down hard.

But then I can, like,
feel his b*ner,

so, like, I know it's there.

- Okay, well,
maybe you just need

to make it happen yourself.

Like, reach on down there,
grab it up, swing it around.

- Oh, God.
- Get on down.

- Ma'am,
I think that's as*ault.

- Hey, the jeans are wet,
and the jeans are hot.

And I'm gonna go inside
and cut 'em into shorts.

- Yay.
- Oh, yay!

- Get ready for some calves.

- He's cute.
- Aw, cute.

Wow, I can't believe

that you and I are at an adult,
couple-y beach weekend.

- No, I know. I know.

I never really saw that
for us ever.

- Yeah.

- And it's good that it's not
all about sex with Will,

because I feel like...

when we were younger,
I used to think that, like,

sex was the only form
of validation, you know?

- Yeah.
- Like, sex was the thing.

- Yeah, that's how we knew
we were valuable,

because someone wanted
to f*ck us.

- Yeah, depressing.
- [laughs]

♪ ♪

- Please, Annie,
it's "Kegs and Eggs."

The whole point is that
you're drunk in the morning.

It's, like, so sexy.

- Yeah, I really can't, though.

Like, if I miss class,
I can't even turn in my paper.

- Ugh, come on.

I mean, have I ever
pressured you

into doing something boring
or bad?

- Yeah, I mean,
I think prom was pretty bad.

- Okay, you wouldn't have
even gone

if I didn't get my cousin
to take you.

- Yeah, but I don't want to go
to another party, you know,

where I'm just gonna be your
wingman and not have any fun.

- You know what?
You always say no.

But you always end up doing
what I say.

But if you won't come
to "Kegs and Eggs,"

you at least have to come

to the "Oklahoma!" wrap party
with me.

- Okay, I'll do that.
Hi, George.

- Hey, guys.
- Oh, my God.

You look like such a perv
with this moustache.

- What?
I had to do it for the play.

- Yeah, but you're not
in the play.

You're the prop guy, right?

- Prop master,

and the actors
had to grow them,

so the whole crew did it
in solidarity with them.

- Hey, are you going
to the wrap party tonight?

- Duh, are you?
BOTH: Yeah.

- Hi!
BOTH: Hi.

- Hi, Fran and Dia.

- Annie, Lauren, I've literally
never seen you two apart.

- Well, you shouldn't.
We're BFFs forever.

- Yeah, double forever.
- Mm-hmm.

- Um, well, where are you guys
coming from?

- Human Rights
Under International Law.

- Yeah, the professor is
totally obsessed with Fran,

because she's international.

- She thinks
I'm the Magna Carta.

- Whoa, that sounds
insanely hard.

Oh, that's why I love
majoring in...

♪ Musical theater ♪

- [laughs]
Oh, my God.

Well, you know, the "Oklahoma!"
wrap party's tonight.

You guys should come.
- I'm--I'm going.

- All right, if you're going,
then I'll go.

But if anyone tries to do
theater at me,

I'm gonna slap them.

- Cool, I'll meet you guys
at your room.

- Jesus!
George.

I didn't realize
you were there.

- Well, it's probably
the moustache.

- Okay, see you tonight.
LAUREN: Bye, you guys.

- See ya.

[light guitar music]

- Okay, wow.

- [sighs]

I cut 'em too short.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

- Look at this.

- Oh, I'm--I'm looking.

You kinda look like a boy

who became a man overnight.

- That actually did happen
to me once.

I grew 5 inches one summer.
All my bones hurt.

- Okay, well,
let's make another bone hurt.

- Oh.
- [laughs]

- Baby, no.
I am so sweaty.

- I don't care.
I'm sweaty too.

- I want to. We shouldn't.

I told Em we'd go
to the grocery store

and get stuff for tonight,

and we gotta get stuff
for tomorrow too.

- [chuckles]

Well,
then don't be surprised

if I have a little wet dream
tonight.

- I cut the boxers too.

You f*cking idiot.

[upbeat electronic music]

♪ ♪

- [sighs]
Annie.

These are like, a size 6, and
they're already getting tight.

I swear this dorm food
is making me, like, so fat.

- Oh.

You're not fat.
I think you look amazing.

Honestly, you're--
you're so tiny.

- Maybe, but I still
am gonna do a master cleanse.

Like, I just cannot get a gut,
you know?

- Oh, actually,
my mom just sent me

some meal replacement bars,

and they actually
really fill you up,

and you can have some
if you want.

This is the chocolate brownie,

and I also really like
the vanilla,

and they're actually doing
a limited edition

cookies and cream.

- Mm, Annie, these are, like,
literally filled with sugar.

They're never gonna work.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

- I don't know.

My mom sent 'em to me, so...
- That's, like, 30 grams.

- I just stole a pizza
from the math building.

It was just on a table
with no guard.

- Oh, God, I was just saying
I can't eat

anything like that anymore.

- Yeah, me too.
- Oh, well, more for me.

- Is your boyfriend coming
tonight?

- No, he's at a swim meet.

- See, I swear every swimmer
I know has, like,

the biggest d*ck, right?

- They're swimmers because they
know that their hog looks good

in tiny trunks.

- [laughs]
- Oh, my God.

I swear you guys are always
talking about big dicks

and all the sizes for 'em
or whatever.

- Oh, I forgot we shouldn't
talk about big dicks

in front of Annie, 'cause
she still lives in Virginia.

AKA she's a virgin.

- I mean, yeah, I'm a virgin,
but I don't even care.

Like, it's--it's fine.

- Look, Annie,
it's okay if you're scared.

I mean, I totally was
the first time.

- No, I'm not scared.

Like, I know it'll happen
for me at some point,

and then I'll be orgasm queen,
but I'm not.

And so until then,
I'm the only one of us

who doesn't really know

the experience of being...
penetrated.

- Hey, guys,
I just checked my watch,

and it's party time.

What?

What are you guys
talking about?

- We're just talking
about the fact

that Annie's still a virgin.

- Lauren.
- What the hell?

- What?
You just said you didn't care.

- Whoa.

- I mean, I am a virgin,
but I'm not a prude.

And honestly at this point,

I'm someone who knows
all the stuff

and is open but just wants
to lose it.

At this point.
Or whatever.

- Let's go to the party.
- Yeah.

LAUREN: Yes, please.
- Yeah.

Lauren, don't tell everyone
I'm a virgin.

I'm not, like, proud of it.

- Look, Annie, no offense,

but it's not really
a big secret.

People can just tell.

And you can't be mad at me
for being honest.

- I'm not mad.

- Okay, Annie, you're first.
"The world is your oyster.

Let your clam be your guide."
ANNIE: No.

- Why is everything
in this place seafood themed?

And also, why do people think
that clams are pussies?

I mean, what about the cl*t?

- The cl*t is the pearl.

- I asked you to bring
a board game,

a social activity.

- You said,
"Bring the little book."

- I said, "Bring a board game."
- Okay, Fran is next.

Let me get to my December 5th
birthday.

- Wait, seriously?

That's my birthday.
I'm December 5th too.

- No way.
- I'm dead serious.

- Oh, my God, come here.
- Come here.

- My Sagittarius brother.
- Oh, I love it.

FRAN: I knew we were twins...
WILL: I knew it.

FRAN: Because we look so alike.
WILL: Yes, that's what it is.

- We're the same height, yeah.
- Well, okay, Sagittarius.

You two are aroused by
your partner's sexual organs,

which just seems very general
to me.

- Hmm, I'm actually not even
sure about that.

I might have to invite
my partner into the house

so that I can kind of solve
my curiosity.

- It was nice seeing you guys.
- Wow!

FRAN: Really nice
to meet you guys.

EMILY: It was really nice
to meet you guys.

[laughter]

- You know, you and Fran
are both so mischievous.

- It's a bad thing, right?
- No, it's fun.

I see why you're friends.

- Will...

I like you so much.

So, so much.

It sucks.
[laughs]

But is there...

like, is there a reason why
we haven't had sex?

- Oh.

Gosh, Annie, that's um...

that's hard.

- Well, can we just talk
about it?

You know, and--I mean,

like, you can tell me
if there's something

that I'm doing
that you don't like or...

or if you're not attracted
to me.

- Annie, no, I'm attracted
to you, like, annoyingly so.

I...

I...

it's embarrassing,

but I'm really nervous.

- That's not embarrassing.
That's sweet.

And I'm nervous too.

- Okay, yeah, but you've had
more experience.

I...

I've only ever had sex
with the one person.

The first person I dated
is the person I married,

and I know how insane
that sounds, but...

- No.
- It's a lot, really fast.

- Yeah, well, I mean,
there's no rush at all.

And the first time
that we have sex,

it doesn't have to be perfect,

because I think we're gonna
do it a lot more

than just that one time.

- Yeah, I know, I...

thank you.

Thank you for not making me
feel like a freak.

- No, no, I mean,
sometimes I feel like a freak,

because I'm, like,
this horny monster

pushing you or something,
but...

you know, sometimes a girl's
just gotta get railed.

- Wow, okay.
Yeah.

- And, you know,
sometimes we'll rail,

and sometimes we'll cuddle,

and sometimes we'll do, like,
a solid ten-minute missionary

and call it a damn day.

- Well, I mean, I can give you
about six minutes missionary.

- [laughs]

I'm just saying we have lots
of time.

- Man, you're good.
- [laughs]

FRAN: This is why I didn't want

to come
to a musical theater party.

I told you.

- I just feel like tap shoes
will ruin wood floors.

FRAN: Of course.

How are they not bored
by now?

- Wait, what happened
to Lauren?

- She left, like, an hour ago
with that guy David.

- What?
She didn't even tell me.

- He had the biggest tattoo
of a drama mask I've ever seen.

- Oh, no!
[laughs]

FRAN: She loves that.
- Good evening.

FRAN: Wow.

- Would anyone care
for some marijuana?

- I'm good.

- Wow, no moustache.

- Yeah, a bunch of us just
shaved 'em off

in the kitchen all at once.

- Well, I think you look better
without it.

FRAN: I prefer you with it.
DIA: Yeah, she's right.

- [coughs]

FRAN: How long does it take you
to grow a beard?

- Surprisingly long time.
- [coughs]

- This is actually
the cool way.

- I'm sorry. I think I have
to get some water.

FRAN: I think so too.
DIA: Yeah.

- I'll help you.

[laughter]

ALL: [shouting]

- I didn't know they were g*y.

- They're not.

They're just doing it
for attention,

which sucks, but...

I guess I shouldn't say that,
'cause I'm always way off.

- What do you mean?

- Well, I mean,
I thought you were g*y,

but you have a boyfriend,
right?

- Yeah...

kind of.

- I'm sorry.

That was--yeah, I'm sorry.

- Okay.
Okay.

Thank you.

Ugh, thanks.

- It's okay.

Do you really think
that I look better

without the moustache?

- Yeah, I do.

- Okay, don't read anything
into this,

but, you know, we're friends,
and...

I know you want to lose
your virginity.

And I don't think we should
date or anything,

but if you want...

I would do it with you.

I have a key
to the prop closet, so...

SINGER: ♪ We've got an ear,
an ear for what's romance ♪

♪ We've got our ears,
our ears trained on you ♪

♪ You watch us sing ♪

- [groans]

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

- Are--are you okay?

- Yeah, yeah, I just finished.

- Oh.

Oh, but don't you have
a condom on?

Right?

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

I was just trying to be,
you know, like, extra safe.

- Oh, yeah,
that's probably smart.

- I put the condom in the pot,

so I'll get it later.

- Um...

that poster says "staring"
instead of "starring."

GEORGE: Oh.

- Yeah.

- Um...

so I'm just gonna lock up.

Somebody's been stealing
all the tumbleweeds

from "Oklahoma!"

We're down to one, and it's,
like, kind of a problem.

- Um...see ya.

- Yeah, you're welcome.

WILL: We did it every year
until high school.

My brother and all my cousins.
- Wow.

- Yeah, we called it
the "Naked Nolan Polar Plunge."

- [laughs]
- Yeah.

- Wow, the adventurous
Nolan family.

- Yeah, it was cold and stupid.

Never do it again,
but it was awesome at the time.

- I would.

- Annie, no, the water has
got to be, like, 40 degrees.

- Yeah, well,
I'm not going in the ocean.

I'm going in the hot tub.

- Oh.

- Come on.

- I don't know if a hot tub
qualifies as a "polar plunge."

- Okay, Mr. Rules.

[upbeat funky music]

♪ ♪

Just get in.
I promise I won't touch you.

- God damn it.

See,
this is the mischievousness

that I was talking about.

♪ ♪

- It's good, right?

- Yeah, this is nice.

SINGER:
♪ Just to see some stars ♪

♪ ♪

- So entertaining to watch.

Okay, well,
I got my night snack.

I'm gonna go crash now.
- Yeah.

I'm over there.

- Yeah, I'm this way.

Good night.
- Good night.

- See, there you go.
I am way off.

Like, I thought we were
gonna kiss.

- Well, you were right.
- [laughs]

- Sorry.

[gentle music]

♪ ♪

[laughs]

♪ ♪

- I had sex.

- With who?

- George.

- I mean, how do you feel?

- Um...

Pretty much the same, honestly.

- Yeah.
- But I don't know.

Like, the whole time,
I was like,

"I'm having sex.
This is sex.

He's in it."

- You were saying that
out loud?

- No, but I was thinking it.

But I don't know.

Like, I can't even fathom
doing it naked either.

- Okay, so you were
fully clothed?

- Very.

I just had to take the train
that came.

- 100%.

No, but you will.

You will feel
comfortable enough

to be fully naked
before you know it.

- Wow.

Is it a lot better with someone
who you actually, like,

have feelings for?

- Mm.

Kind of hard for me to say.

Okay, well,
I kissed Dia tonight.

- Wow.

Oh, my God.
- Yeah.

That's great.

How did it feel?

- Good.

It just felt like I'd been
holding it back,

and it felt right.

- Wow.

Thank you for telling me.

This is between us.

Tonight just enjoy that you,
like, made out with Dia.

- Yeah, I will.
- Yeah.

- And I'm gonna celebrate
with some stolen pizza.

- Thank God.

I was sort of hoping you would
say that.

Oh, my God.

I kind of like it better
room temp.

- Absolutely.

- Wow, this is a big night
for the girls of suite 618.

- [chuckles]

- Mmm. Man.

Fran, why don't you and I
ever hang out?

- The truth, because
your friend Lauren sucks.

- She's...pretty bad.

- She sucks.

- Ohh.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

[light music]

♪ ♪

- Hi.
- Hi.

What?

[Shura's "elevator girl"]

♪ ♪

SHURA: ♪ Baby,
I can help you out ♪

♪ You got something ♪

♪ And baby
if it all works out ♪

♪ We got something so sweet ♪

♪ She elevates my world ♪

♪ She elevates my world,
my world, my world ♪

♪ ♪

♪ 22 floors up ♪

♪ I'm high,
it's like a drug ♪

♪ She's my elevator girl ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Elevator girl ♪

♪ ♪

- It's hard to see you
with pants.

- I know.
I think jorts are me now.

- We did it.
- [gasps]

Yes.
- It was horny.

It was sweet.
It was good.

It was hornily good.
- Oh.

I'm so happy for you,
and I knew this would happen.

- How was your night?
- Good.

I actually have some news
as well.

Em and I
are gonna move in together.

But don't worry.
It's all gonna be fine.

We can sort it out.

- Of course, yes.
Congrats.

- Thank you.

[St. Vincent's "Cruel"]

ANNIE: ♪ Can't you see what
everybody wants from you ♪

♪ Forgive the kids ♪

♪ For they don't know
how to live ♪

♪ Run the alleys ♪

♪ Casually ♪

♪ Cruel ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Cruel ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Bodies ♪

♪ Can't you see what everybody
wants from you? ♪

♪ If you could want that
too ♪

♪ They could take or
leave you ♪

♪ So they took you,
and they left you ♪

♪ How could they be ♪

♪ Casually? ♪