01x03 - No Child Left Benign

[bunniefuu]

Today is picture day. I know some of

you are anxious, but this is going to

be fun. Years from now when you look

back these pictures will remind you of

the special times you had it. Harry, ASA

balance high. Don't forget

to smile.

Far fat.

That said, I wouldn't, but I'm about to.

Ohh, horrifying. You're lucky I'm cursed

with beauty. Yeah, but you're ugly on

the inside and that's what counts.

Seriously, do I need to come?

Now let's do one of the whole class, me

in the middle.

No Child Left Behind standardized

test.

Feelings we need to stop out of

you. You may have also heard that

the test is insanely difficult, but I

bet none of you have heard that

the test is wait for it after

lunch. To pass, you'll need to be

fearless. You'll need finely tuned

state-of-the-art. Weapons.

Headline being fast, reflexes not fast

enough. So what happens if we fail?

sl*ves and forced to toil in the

Tigerian acid mines. Ohh been there done

that. Where you'll be driven mad. That's

the acid eats through your face, eyes,

brain and face. And you repeat the



Listen To pass a test of mindless

violence, we need to use our minds now.

Our only hope is in these books. Books

are dangerous. Remember my memo?

Teenage vampires, My favorite. You're

Mia. If the books are full of information

we need for the test, what does it

matter how we get that information intous?

Umm.

This is all kinds of wrong. Ohh

you're making me sad.

Yeah, maybe you just have to let it

digest.



I don't see why everyone is so calm. The

test is in an hour.

What's with those kids? They're in the

sunshine class. Ohh. It's a class for

robots with faulty psycho chips. That's

so sad and tragic. Yeah, but they get

their own bus and they don't have to

take the test, my friend. I just had

the best idea. We're going to get into

their class, dude.

Ohh yeah.

You want us to get into your

private shame? Ohh, yeah. Nice stuff.

What are you doing, Mom? I can

explain.

I will not have this filth in my

house. Mr.

We have to do something drastic.

This is crazy. Attention everyone, we

have a special treat for you

all. Hugs and kisses, rainbows and

rings. Y'all is pretty awesome.

Makes my womanhood.

Umm.

We have the situation under control.

Hi everyone, we have new

friends, let's give them a

special welcome.

Meow.

This class is a safe harbor for sensitive

ships. Unroll your sail and come out to

sea with us. Who wants to share? Okay

Wenas, here's the sharing stick. What do

you want to share? I just want to

love you all too.

Blasters, would you like to

share? Would I ever sometime?

I don't feel fresh.

Actually, I've never felt

fresh.

Hold me. Oh

oh man, that felt good.

Thrasher, you gotta try this.

My spirit soars.

I'm just happy, I know. I can feel

the Glee creeping up the back of my

throat like little bits of happiness.

Barf. It's slow, some joy chunks on. This

is crunchy. Having fun, boys. I might die

if I don't hug you.

Initiate protocol 14.

Crisscross applesauce.

OK class, I have something to

tell you. I'm a holographic

representation of this rocket. Rocket.

My mission is to dispose of nonviolent

robots who burden society with their

tears and songs. I'm sure you have

feelings of confusion and fear. That's

normal. But there's still feelings and

therefore intolerable. Thus you are

rocketing to the heart of one of

insane's. 12 oppressive sons. Which

one's the hot 1?

Alright, everybody ready? What about

you? Tackle bot? Feeling good.

I know you'll totally rock

it. Whatever, weirdo. OK, let's

put on our thinking caps.

Ding Ding Ding. The test has

four parts, multiple choice, true and

false, a fight to the death,

and then an essay. The key

to this test is to stay

focused, people.

If you have any questions, I'll be doing

my stretching exercises.

Oh my God that's deep stretch.

Gotta stay limber for the ladies.

It wanted me out of the

knees. Hey, eyes on your paper

people. I

can't believe I'm saying this, but we

need to rally the Sun shiners to help us

take over the ship, not during shadow

puppet theater. Who will

help me bake the bread? Let me listen,

everyone. We're on a rocket aimed at the

sun. The only way to stop it is

to fight for our lives. But fighting is

wrong. I know you hate fighting. We all

hate fighting. We hate it so much. We

need to let our hatred of fighting.

Can't we just hug and give us some?

Ohh. No one is questioning the quality of

your hugs. Your hugs are legendary.

Nevertheless, they will not defeat the

ship. I want to paint you. Wow, I'll

take care of this. What are you going

to do? What I do best? Incite.

Riot missus Crunchie has cancelled our

performance of Mamma Mia.

Sims defenses activated.

Now, children, it's OK to be angry, but

it's never appropriate to hit. Don't

listen to her class. If we all attack,

there's nothing she could do to stop us.

Steve. Steve.

Steve.

Steve.

We can work this out. What if

I teach everyone how to make parfaits?

You were kind to us. You gave

us hope. And for that you must

be destroyed. Disengaged.

I can.

Ohh Kate flying the ship, how hard could

it be? Just push this button, pull that

lever, push that button, squeeze this

sack or something. Dude, I

did it.

Look at that fireball coming right at

us, yeah?Back to

the test.

You 2 are responsible for all

of this. You've destroyed the school

and most of the city have.

I've never seen such destruction and

carnage. Congratulations, you passed the

test.

Come on, looking good.

Yes.

Please.

Close your mouth.

We're gonna take that train.

I'm not gonna pull over to pee or

anything.