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06x11 - Dog Show Showdown!

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Totally Spies!". Aired: 3 November 2001 – 3 October 2013.*
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The series focuses on the adventures of three teenage girls from Beverly Hills, California – Clover, Sam, and Alex – who live a double life as secret agents working for the World Organization of Human Protection (WOOHP).

06x11 - Dog Show Showdown!

Post by bunniefuu »

[theme music]

THEME SONG: Sam,
Clover, Alex, woo!

We arrive at the fashion world.

We are totally spies
Genuine secret agents.

But we never give in to fear.

Sam, Clover, Alex, woo!

We'll win every day of the year.

S-P-I-E-S!

We are totally spies.

Sleep tight, Millicent.

Mommy loves you!

[kisses]

[growling]

[whimpering]

[clash]

SAM: Hurry up, Alex!

You've been in
there all morning.

Yeah, stop hogging
the bathroom, already!

It's not me who's the hog.

It's oinky!

I'm trying to give him abath, but he won't cooperate!

[hog squeals]

[sigh] Then I guess there'sonly one thing we can do.

Join forces and
complete the mission.

Sorry, Oinkster,
but we've taken

on tougher badies than you!

[wrestling]

[hog squeals]

ALL: Oinky!

[doorbell rings]

[SARCASTICALLY] Oh, great!

This is so not a good
time for visitors.

ALL: [gasp]

Ladies, we're
here because there's

been complaints of a ruckus.

Care to explain yourselves?

Ruckus?

Uh, what ruckus?

We haven't heard anything.

You sure about that?

Your dormmates seem tothink they heard running,

yelling, and squealing.

Nope.

Haven't heard a peep,
but, we'll, like,

totally call you if we do.

Bye!

[oinking]

[GASPING] Is that--

Is that a pig?

Ha!

A pig?

Don't be silly.

It's a, um, an
exotic hairless dog!

Yeah!

Which is totally OK, accordingto the Mali U rulebook.

Hm.

BOTH: Remember, we're
always watching you.

ALEX: [sighs] Aw,
what am I going to do?

I mean, I just got Oinky back.

I can't give him up again.

Don't worry, we'll
figure something out.

Totes!

Even if Oinky is the
worst roommate ever,

there's no way we'd letanyone take him from you.

ALL: [shrieking]

Hello ladies.

[oinks]

Hello, Oinky.

[oinks]

I apologize for
the abrupt WOOHPing,

but I assure you
it's quite necessary.

We've just learned that
several highly decorated

show dogs have
mysteriously disappeared

from around the globe.

Show dogs?

No way.

Way.

There's Millicent, thechampion Chinese Crested;

Sparky, and award winning
Jack Russell Terrier;

and Bubba, a prized beagle.

Oh, I can't believe it!

These are some of myall-time favorite dogs ever.

They're like canine celebrities.

What was so mysterious abouttheir disappearances, Jerry?

Not only did no
one manage to get

a glimpse of the
perpetrator, but whoever

took the dogs reportedly
left no clues behind.

Then I guess it's time
to send in the pros.

Indeed.

And to help you
solve this whodunit,

I give you the fetch-a-bonezip line; the DOGS,

or Dual Operational GlobalSurveillance system;

the WOOHP spying flea; theretracto-handle electronic dog

net with spray down
water function;

and last, but certainly
not least, a can

of rapidly expanding mousse--

now in ocean breezescent, mm, which I'm sure

you'll just love.

Cool!

Way to work thedog-themed gadgets, Jerr.

I thought you'd
find them amusing.

And now for your mission.

You are to go to a New
York City high-rise

to keep watch over
an award-winning pug

named Mr. Billingsworth.

Due to his popularity,
WOOHP fears

he could be the next victim.

Sounds like a
great assignment,

Jerry, but what should I doabout Oinky in the meantime?

I'll see to it that hegets back to campus safely.

Now, farewell, spies,and do your agency proud.

[shrieking]

CLOVER: That penthouse
is totally rad.

It kind of makes like ourpenthouse look like a stinky

old refrigerator box.

OK, I just heard
the door close.

Mr. Billingsworth's ownermust have left for work.

How's the little
guy doing, Alex?

He's doing just fine, Sammy.

Aw, isn't he so cute in person?

I mean, dog.

Who would ever want to harmsuch a sweetie num num pie, hm?

I have to admit, he
is pretty adorable.

Hm.

[GASPING] Hey!

I just lost sight of
Mr. Billingsworth.

Wait a second.

I hear a struggle.

We better get over there fast.

Good idea, but how?

We're, like, a
gagillion stories up.

The fetch-a-bone
zip line, of course.

Nice shot.

Let's do this, girls.

[squealing]

Which way did he go?

This way!

Mr. Billingsworth!

Follow that pug!

I'm on it, Sam.

No pooch left behind.

Uh oh!

That is definitely not
a sound we want to hear.

[shrieking]

[shrieking]

Definitely stuck
the landing, but we

totally botched the rescue.

Mr. Billingsworth's beendog-napped without a trace.

Now this cable doesn't
answer who did this,

but it proves we're up againstsomething really vicious.

Spies, look at this.

I mean, what could even
do this to solid brick?

I don't know.

But whatever it was, it
had some serious claws.

So we've narrowed
it down to something

with vicious things
and sharp claws.

Sounds like Mandy,
if you ask me.

Ha.

I wish it were that simple.

Let's get these
clues back to Jerry,

then head back to school.

Wow!

These long-distance lookershave some powerful range.

I can check out boys
three colleges away.

Sit, Oinky, sit.

Good boy, now stay.

Good, Oinky.

Now roll over.

Alex, what exactly are
you doing with Oinky?

Duh, trying to teach himto behave more like a dog.

You know, in case the
deans happen to show up.

[ringing]

It's Jerry.

Hello, girls.

I have the analysis of theclues you sent me earlier,

and I must admit,
they're quite peculiar.

Peculiar how?

JERRY: Well, they
seem to indicate

that Mr.
Billingsworth's abductor

was neither human nor animal.

Uh oh!

JERRY: After scanning
various databases,

WOOHP was unable to findanything that matches the claw

marks from the brick wall or thefight patterns from the table.

OK, so here's a list
of possible baddies

down to, like, zero.

So what's our
next move, Jerry?

I thought you'd never ask.

You are to go under coverat the world-renowned West

Hollywood Dog Show that'staking place later today.

Are you kidding?

I've been, like, a fan ofthat dog show for years!

I can't wait to go.

Only one problem
with that idea, Jerr.

We don't have a dog to
enter into the show.

What about Oinky?

I mean, hello, he can alreadysit, still, and roll over.

Hm.

I guess it's worth a try.

Very well then.

You three, and
Oinky, are to report

to the show on the double.

Oh, you hear that, Oinkster?

You're going to be a doggie!

Guess if we're for
going to a dog show,

we might as well look the part.

[panting]

Sweet!

Let's do this, spies.

Is it me, or is this
the best mission ever?

If by best, you
mean freakiest,

I'm totally with you.

Come on, guys, let's sign up.

Name and breed, please.

His name is Oinky, and
he's an exotic hairless.

What?

[oinks]

So he is.

Sadly, we have plenty of
room for Oinky this year

because of all of therecent doggie abductions.

[ANNOUNCER]: Attention
all contestants.

Get your pooches over tothe obstacle course ASAP.

It's time for the
agility competition.

We better get going.

Come on, Oinky.

[ANNOUNCER]: First
up is Lucky, an

exemplary Australian Shepherd.

[applause]

[whistle]



Nice job, Lucky.

[cheering]

And next up is Oinky,
the exotic hairless.

Go, Oinky, go!

[bell rings]

Wow!

For someone with such
short legs, that pig--

I mean dog can really move.

He sure can.

Good job, boy.

And Oinky leads
the pack, finishing

in an impressive 10 seconds.

[cheering]

Next up is Chomper.

And-- well, I'm not
seeing a breed here.

[audience gasping]

[growling]

[whistle blows]

[audience gasps]

Wow, is that a dog
or a guided m*ssile?

Maybe a little of both.

One thing's for sure,
that's no ordinary mutt.

[gasps]

[chuckles]

[bell rings]

Wow, five seconds!

A new course record.

Congratulations, Chomper!

Doggie woggie did such
a goodie woodie job.

That's my baby.

Now all we have to do
is stick with the plan

and this competition is ours.

Ours!

OK, is any one elsegetting a seriously freaky

feeling from Chomper's owner?

Let's check him out.

LANCE: You're such a good dog.

None of the other doggies caneven come close to your talent.

That's right, you're thegreatest, smartest, cutest

doggie wog in the
whole wide world.

[chomps]

[gasps]

[growls]

[shrieks]

And nothing will stop usfrom winning this competition,

Chompy.

Nothing!

Now be still for daddy.

I'll be right back.

[grumbles]

OK, what is with thebizarro statue impersonation?

And since when do dogs haveclaws and teeth like that?

And what's with the
whole Jekyll and Hyde

thing Chomper's owner is doing?

Hm.

I'm getting a really bad vibe--

a vibe that says we mayhave just found our villain.

We need to take a closer look.

But what if he comes back?

Or worse, what
if Chomper decides

to wake up from his freaky nap?

By "we," I meant flea, theWOOHP spying flea, that is.

Wow, Chomper
isn't a dog at all.

He's a robot!

That cheater!

See, Oinky, he's nota reallyas skilled of a dog as you are.

[oinks]

I guess that
explains what Jerry

said before about
the perpetrator

being neither human nor animal.

We need to nab this robodog-napper on the double.

Not so fast, girls.

No one paws Chomper
except his owner

extraordinaire Lance Wrishback.

[evil laughter]

[evil laugh]

[snaps]

Uh oh, we all know what
glowing red eyes mean.

Lazer beam attack!

[shrieks]

Actually, it's a
bionic tail attack.

One of Chomper's specialties.

[shrieking]

And though I appreciate yourcompetitive spirit, girls,

it simply won't be
enough to stop me.

What are you
going to do with us?

Get you out of the
picture, of course.

After entering 500 dog
shows with everything

from Affenpinschers to Yorkiesand never winning a single one,

I am determined to
have my moment--

thanks to my Chompie
wompie, who is

kind enough to sequester the topcompetition to ensure victory.

Great idea, Lance,
except winning

isn't really winning
when you're cheating!

A mere technicality.

As long as I have a
trophy in my hand,

I'll be on top of
the doggie world.

This way, boy.

ALL: Uh oh.

[metal clanging]

[shrieks]

OK, I can't believe howtotally vicious this cage is.

You're right.

We need to find a way
out of here, and fast.

Oh, hey!

What about the can ofrapidly expanding mousse?

Um, no offense, Clover,but is really the time to be

thinking about hair products?

Trust me, it's just the ticketwe need to get us out of here.

[struggling]

Yeah!

Wow, way to go, Clover!

Yeah, way to show thismean cage who's in charge.

Huh?

[SNIFFS] Uch.

Even if you had to
use the stinkiest

gadget on Earth to do it with.

Ew!

What is that smell?

Looks like Jerry
grabbed wet dog

scent instead of ocean breeze.

And I'm sure it
wasn't an accident.

So not funny, Jerry!

We can yell at Jerry later.

Right now, we've got to
stop Lance and Chomper.

Come on!

Oinky.

[ANNOUNCER]: And in
the main stage area,

we will now conclude
the artistic portion

of the competition.

[cheering]

Let's hear it for the
incomparable Chomper,

the winner of this year'sWest Hollywood Dog Show.

[cheering]

See, everyone, what you cando with a little hard work

and dedication?

And now for the
award ceremony.

Chomper, please report tothe center of the arena.

[growling]

There they are!

If only we had a way toimmobilize that pesky pooch,

we can take out Lance, no probs.

I've got it!

We got to do is
give Oinky a bath.

But Oinky hates
baths, remember?

Sorry, Oinky.

[growling]

[screaming]

[growling]

[yells]

[growling]

[screaming]

Don't worry, everyone.

Chomper's just tired.

So if we could just
get his trophy now,

we'll be on our way home where--

Looks like finally
giving everyone a peak

at what lies beneath the fur.

You?

I thought I told you to
stay away from my dog.

[growling]

Easy, boy, settle
down, Chompie.

But Chompie wompie,
it's me, Lance.

You don't need to do this.

[yelling]

Come on, girls.

[barking]

[yelling]

[yelling]

[barking]

Somebody help me!

I can't hold on much longer.

Hang on, Lance, I'm coming.

Gotcha.

[grumbles]

Do you think he spotted us?

I'd say that's a yes.

And by the way, look out!

This pup's got aserious attitude problem.

[shrieking]

[barking]

Ow.

Hello, Lancie wancie.

Are you enjoying the show?

But-- but-- you talk?

I didn't program you to talk!

I have evolved
beyond your programming

and am now unstoppable.

Wow, I'm good.

But it wasn't supposed
to be like this.

All I wanted was to win a prize.

Something tells
me that probably

isn't going to happen now.

I don't suppose you designedthis thing with an off switch?

No.

The only way to stop him isto short out his circuits.

[growling]

Not going to happen, Lance.

Don't be so sure, Chomper.

As in it's time
to go to the pound.

Hey, stand still for a second.

Ah!

Pins and needles,
pins and needles.

Sorry.

Don't you dare chomp my pig.

[screaming]

[malfunctioning growls]

Way to go, Alex.

Yeah, nice job.

Thanks guys, but I reallyhave to share credit with Oinky.

Not so fast.

You and your dog
napping robotic canine

have some things to answer for.

Anything you say.

Just keep me away
from that crazy dog.

Looks like man's best
friend has turned

into Lance's worst enemy.

[ANNOUNCER]: And the winnerof the West Hollywood Dog Show

is Mr. Billingsworth.

Yes, he did it!

Way to go, Mr. B.

There you are, ladies.

Care to explain this?

Uh, what is it, exactly?

Irrefutable evidence
that proves you three

are harboring a pig.

These hoof marks were discoveredoutside West Coast Hall.

That's crazy.

Clearly this is a dog.

Go fetch, boy.

[oinks]

BOTH: Hm.

[oinks]

BOTH: Huh?

Spies, 1.

Dean, [inaudible], 0.

[theme music playing]