03x21 - The Father Factor

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Beeping)

♪ Something tells me

I’ve been dreaming ♪

♪ Of someone who was

never real ♪

♪ It’s seems I've changed

a thousand ways ♪

♪ I wish I looked

the way I feel ♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ah

♪ Ah

♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Braceface

(School bell ringing)

MARIA: The complete works of

Shakespeare?

Whoa!

Now that’s what I call heavy

reading.

He must have gotten paid by

the word.

Look on the bright side.

You’re exercising your mind and

your muscles at the same time.

Two workouts in one.

(Laughing)

What are you doing?

Guess who’s been asked to

create chorus costumes for the

ballet company’s production of

Sleeping Beauty?

No way!

That’s awesome.

Congratulations!

You so deserve it.

Thanks.

It’s a huge honour.

So how would you like to be my

design assistant?

(Gasping)

Me?

Really?

You’ll be the girl behind the

guy who’s behind the most

beautiful costumes the chorus

has ever seen!

I hope.

Well, come on.

You’ll do a great job.

Maria’s right.

They loved the stuff you did for

Swan Lake.

I know, but there’s so much

to do.

We have to get started, like,

yesterday.

The only thing is I’ve got

tons of homework.

I’m not sure I have enough time.

Did I mention the two front

row centre tickets for my design

assistant?

You’re trying to bribe me?

Bribe is such an ugly word.

Think of it as added incentive.

Okay, but just so you know, I

would have helped you anyway.

Hey, how do you like my swan?

Very... swan-like.

Thanks.

I learned it from the twins.

They think origami is "totally

rad."

That’s... great.

How’s your Shakespeare essay

coming?

I’ve been reading the same

page for half an hour, and it

still doesn’t make any sense.

I wish he could write in

English.

If you’re having trouble,

maybe David can help.

He studied English literature at

university.

Hey, you know, in my prep

school’s all-boy production of

King Lear, I played Cordelia.

Really?

I would have liked to have seen

that, almost.

DAVID: Listen, if you like, I

could help your with your essay

after dinner.

We never get a chance to spend

any time together.

Thanks, but actually Adam,

Josh, and I are eating at my

dad’s tonight.

By the time we get home, it’ll

be too late.

That’s right, your mom

mentioned that.

Oh, well, maybe another time?

Sure.

DAD: That was excellent.

The last time I had Mexican food

that good was...

BOTH: Miami.

I just finished a gig.

We were totally starving.

And we stumbled on this great

place hidden in this little

alleyway.

Right next to that awesome

dessert place, remember?

Sometimes I think you two

share a brain.

Yeah, you guys talk in

stereo.

Hmm...

What?

I don’t know why I didn't

think of it before, but you two

would be perfect for a game show

I’m producing for TV-3.

BOTH: Game show?

Yes.

I need two father-daughter teams

to compete against each other.

Compete?

How?

There are three different

categories.

Physical strength, cooperation,

and a lightning round quiz.

You know, that tests how well

you know each other.

So we’d be on TV?

Actually, no.

I still have to sell the network

executives on the idea, so I’m

producing a pilot.

If they like what they see,

it’ll become a series.

So will you guys do it?

I’m up for anything that lets

me spend time with my favourite

daughter.

(Giggling)

I’m your only daughter.

Details, details.

So what do you say?

Sounds like fun.

Count me in.

So this is for the garland

dance?

Yes, and I wanted to say

woodsy, magical...

It definitely says that.

No, it says hack!

It’s all wrong.

Really?

I think it’s beautiful.

Thanks, but I’m going for

breathtaking.

Sorry, but we have to start from

scratch.

Hey, since you got me tickets

to the ballet, how about I get

you in to see Lauren’s taping?

What taping?

This father-daughter game

show, and I’m a contestant.

It isn’t being broadcast, but

they still need an audience.

Okay, when is it?

Next Friday after--

(Moaning)

What?

Do you have to spend time

preparing for this?

Probably.

The ballet costumes are due

on Friday.

No problem.

I don’t have to be at the studio

’til late afternoon.

But I need all your spare

time before that.

If you’re busy prepping for the

show and doing all your

homework, there’s no way we'll

be done by then.

If you’re swamped, maybe I

should get someone else.

No, I want to do this.

I promised to help you, and I

won’t let you down.

Nina, is my dad--

I don’t have time, Braceface!

I’m in the middle of a major

crisis!

What’s going on?

Her agent needs new

headshots.

But they’re all so good, I

can’t decide which one to use.

Hm.

That is a crisis.

I know.

I thought Griffin could help

narrow it down to the most

perfect one, but they’re all so

amazing, he’s overwhelmed.

DAD: Hey, sweetie.

I’d love to stay and help,

but I have to talk to my dad.

Oh, that’s okay.

I need someone with good taste

anyway.

I see you made it through

Nina-palooza.

(Parrot squawking)

Thanks.

Listen, I don’t think I can be

on Lauren’s game show after all.

Oh?

How come?

I already promised Dion I’d

be his design assistant, and

it’s taking up every spare

minute.

I’m really sorry.

Oh, don’t worry.

I understand, and I’m sure

Lauren will be cool about it

too.

Thanks, Dad.

But just ’cause we're not in

the show doesn’t mean we can't

spend some quality time

together.

Oh, yeah?

What did you have in mind?

How about dinner tomorrow?

Just the two of us.

Great.

We can make our famous

vegetarian chili.

Ow!

No offense, but your hand-eye

coordination could use some

work.

My fingers are sore from

sewing, and Dion keeps changing

his "vision", so we keep

starting from scratch.

What are you doing?

"What are you doing?"

You’re acting even weirder

than usual.

It’s called method acting.

I have to tap into Braceface’s

inner geek if I’m going to play

her convincingly.

What are you talking about?

Didn’t your father tell you?

I’m playing his daughter for

Lauren’s game show pilot.

What?

SHARON: Hi, Dad, it’s your

daughter, Sharon.

DAD: Hey, what’s up?

I heard a rumour that you’re

going to be in Lauren’s show

with Nina.

Yeah, she heard you were

backing out, so she volunteered.

Nice of her to help Lauren like

that, huh?

Why doesn’t she team up with

her own dad?

DAD: He’s out of town Friday.

But you’re not really father

and daughter.

Yeah, I know, but Lauren says

it doesn’t matter for the pilot.

I wasn’t going to do it, but

she’s been having a hard time

finding teams.

You don’t mind, do you, sweetie?

Mind?

Why would I mind?

Okay, I’ll talk to you later.

Bye.

Ready to go?

Nah.

I have to go work on the

costumes.

Seems like you’ll be working

on them for the rest of your

life.

Okay, we have everything we

need for the Spitz spectacular

veggie chili.

You want it medium hot?

Really hot?

Or fire-breathing dragon hot?

(Giggling)

Well, let’s start with

medium hot and see how it goes.

(Knocking)

I’ll get it.

You start rinsing.

Oh, it’s you.

Griffin’s not home.

Doesn’t matter.

I’m not looking for him.

Hiya, Richard.

Hi, Nina.

What’s all that?

I thought it would be fun to

have a get-to-know-each-other

session.

You know, to prepare for the

show.

Report cards, photo albums...

Oh, look, a Christmas tree I

made out of macaroni.

I’ve always been artistic.

Remember that in case it’s one

of the questions.

How much do you have to

prepare for a fake game show?

Sharon, the questions are

real.

If we don’t know anything about

each other, we won’t get points,

and then the game will look

lame.

Practicing is a good idea,

but Sharon and I have dinner

plans.

Sorry, Nina.

That’s okay.

Richard and I can quiz each

other while you guys cook.

After all, we don’t want to let

Lauren down, do we?

You want to stay for dinner?

Thank you, Richard.

I’d love to.

This way you can keep your plans

with your old daughter while

getting to know your new one.

DAVID: Voila!

My world-famous couscous

surprise.

(Sniffing)

Mm, it smells heavenly.

Where did you get the recipe?

Morocco, when I lived there

after university.

Take me to ze Casbah, eh?

(Giggling)

Oh, David.

(Sharon coughing)

Don’t mind me.

MOM: You’re home early.

What happened to dinner with

your dad?

It got too crowded.

Crowded?

I thought it was supposed to be

just the two of you.

Yeah, so did I.

Well, the more, the merrier.

Why don’t you grab a bowl and

join us?

It’ll give us a chance to catch

up.

Thanks, but I’ll just eat in

my room.

MOM: Are you sure, sweetie?

I have homework to do.

And believe me, I know when

three’s a crowd.

Ow!

We’ve definitely been working

too hard.

Last night I dreamt I was in the

middle of a science exam.

All the students and Mr. Melamid

were wearing tutus!

(Giggling)

Well, it’s all worth it,

’cause we're almost finished.

Yay!

They’re gorgeous!

DION: They’re garbage!

What?

It’s not you, it's me.

I have the perfect look in my

head, but every time my hands

get involved, it goes from

daring to disaster!

You’re being too hard on

yourself.

Not as hard as the head

designer will be.

Good, you’re not busy.

What do you want?

Dion’s professional opinion

about what I should wear on

camera.

I was thinking of red, but Dad--

I mean, Richard thinks I look

better in blue.

You’re calling my dad Dad?

Of course!

It wouldn’t be very realistic

if his daughter called him

Mr. Spitz.

Besides, we’ve really bonded.

I’m like, um, the daughter he

always wished he had.

Did you-- she-- that--

Argh!

Easy.

She’s just trying to get under

your skin.

I know, and it’s working!

"If music be the food of life,

play on."

DAD: What’s my favourite

colour?

Lime green.

Which is my best side?

Right.

What instruments do I play?

NINA: Drums, guitar, and

lute.

What was my first starring role?

DAD: An orange juice

commercial.

And time.

You guys are good.

DAD: Nina’s really worked

hard.

You almost know me better than

I do.

Thanks, Dad.

Lauren?

Great news.

Turns out I have time to do your

show after all.

Really?

You’re a lifesaver, Sharon.

I was beginning to panic.

I still needed the other team.

(Squawking)

Fire the drummer, fire the

drummer.

The other team?

Well, shouldn’t I be with my

dad?

DAD: That would make sense.

It would, if I hadn’t spent

hours studying everything about

you, Richard.

SHARON: But wouldn’t it be

more realistic if the teams were

really related?

I don’t know what to do.

Either way, one of you will have

to start from scratch with a new

father.

Sharon’s right.

She should be on Richard’s team.

I should?

I’d want to be on my dad's

team too if he had time for me!

(Sobbing)

Don’t worry, Nina.

We’ll figure something out.

Okay, I guess it’s all right

if Nina’s on Dad's team.

That’s really nice of you,

sweetie.

SHARON: Nice of me?

I fell for her fake crying.

And you should have seen my dad.

He was a total mush ball.

I need another.

Want one?

Ugh, no thanks.

Three’s my limit.

David, what are you doing

here?

Getting smoothies for the

girls.

They really work up a thirst in

ballet class.

I didn’t know they were

taking ballet.

Oh, yeah, they love it.

Guess they get that from their

old man.

Something wrong?

Kind of.

Did my mom tell you about

Lauren’s game show?

She mentioned it.

Well, I want to be a

contestant, but my dad has

already been paired up with

Nina.

Well, if the teams don’t

have to be related, I could be

your partner.

If you like.

Really?

That would be awesome.

No problemo.

Oops, gotta run.

Can’t leave two prima ballerinas

waiting.

I think it’s wonderful that

you and David are teaming up for

Lauren’s game show.

Yeah.

It was nice of him to offer.

Don’t talk with your mouth

full, honey.

He’s really looking forward to

it.

Me too.

I’m going to be late.

Don’t forget, David will be

here at five o’clock so you two

can prep for the show.

Okay, bye.

DION: Okay, time for a

vanity moment.

Are these brill or what?

They’re totally brill.

Now if we work really hard

and give it 100%, we can get

them finished...

the day after they’re due!

We’ll make the deadline, I

promise.

I thought I’d find you here.

We’re busy, Nina.

Be nice or I’ll tell Daddy.

Do you need something?

Besides manners, I mean?

I really want to look the

part for the show, but no matter

what I do, I just can’t get my

hair to hang all flat and

lifeless like yours.

What’s your secret, Braceface?

I’ll tell you a secret, Nina.

David and I are so going to win

on Friday.

You don’t stand a chance.

Yeah, right.

You’ve only known my dad for

a few days, but I’ve known David

for ages.

There’s no way we can lose.

We’ll see about that.

You didn’t tell me you teamed

up with David.

Isn’t that kind of weird?

You and your mom’s boyfriend

competing against your dad?

It’s just a friendly

competition.

(Groaning)

I’m so sorry!

That’s okay.

We can fix this.

I hope.

SHARON: Sorry I’m late.

Where’s David?

He went home.

What?

But we have to get ready for the

lightning round.

He waited as long as he

could, but he had to go pick up

the twins.

Oh.

Can you help me?

You know him better than anyone.

You don’t get to know someone

by talking about them, Sharon.

You have to take the time to

talk with them.

SHARON: You know, my mom’s

right.

Nina’s only had a few

conversations with my dad.

I’ve known him my whole life.

There’s no way she can beat me.

How does knowing your dad

help you win?

David’s your partner.

Do you love ’em or do you love

’em?

Incredible.

As always.

They are, aren’t they?

And you know why?

Because I have the best

design assistant in the world.

NINA: I thought you decided

to save face and not show up.

It’s like looking at your

evil twin.

I tried to get braces, but my

dentist said it would be a crime

to mess with perfection.

LAUREN: Okay, everyone, we’re

about to start.

You ready, partner?

Oh, yeah.

♪

Welcome to The Father Factor.

Today we’ve got the Spitzes

playing against the Cardwells.

Let the game begin.

This part of our show tests

cooperation.

The fathers will direct their

daughters through the maze of

obstacles.

Get ready to lose, Braceface.

Keep to the right, Sharon.

Straight ahead, Nina.

That’s okay, Sharon!

You can do it!

There’s another cone to your

right!

MARIA: Sharon, come on!

Way to go, Nina!

(Gasping)

My new shoes!

They’re French!

(Buzzing)

Sorry, but by removing your

blindfold, you automatically

lose this portion of the game.

But maybe you’ll have better

luck in the physical challenge.

Are you ready?

ALL: Ready!

(Grunting)

Hey!

Eat my dust.

More rope, Daddy...

I’ve got you, Sharon.

(Applause)

(Buzzing)

What an amazing game.

The scores are tied, so the team

that wins the lightning round

wins the game.

Are you ready?

ALL: Ready!

What’s Nina's favourite

colour?

Magenta.

Name Nina’s career goal.

To be a famous celebrity.

What is her shoe size?

Uh, pass.

Who is Nina’s best friend?

Friend?

Uh...

(Buzzing)

What instrument does your dad

play?

The drums, guitar, and lute.

What’s your dad's middle

name?

Excuse me, um, but you’re

sh**ting my left side.

I’m even more striking from the

right.

(Buzzing)

Sorry, there goes the buzzer.

So if you answer just four

questions correctly, your team

wins.

Great.

I’m ready.

Where did your dad live for a

year after university?

Monaco!

No, wait, that’s not right.

It’s, uh, pass.

What’s his middle name?

Middle name?

Um.

What Shakespearean role did

your dad play in prep school?

Wait, I know this one.

It’s, uh, Cordel--

(Buzzing)

Good try, Sharon.

I bombed out there.

Hey, anyone can crack under

the pressure.

You gave it your best shot.

(Applause)

Ready, David?

You betcha.

Who is Sharon’s best friend?

Maria Wong.

Who is her favourite singer?

Leena.

Where is Sharon’s favourite

place to hang out?

Life Cycles.

What was Sharon’s childhood

dream?

To be a ballet dancer.

Name her most embarrassing

moment.

Anything to do with her

braces.

(Ringing)

You did it!

The Cardwell family wins the

game!

The show was fixed!

Lauren!

I demand a recount.

SHARON NARRATING: We’d won

the game, but only because

David knew so much about me.

I realized that even though I’d

known him for over a year, I

didn’t really know him at all.

MOM: How are your hands

doing?

Much better.

And these ballet tickets really

made it all worthwhile.

Wow.

Those are boss seats.

Who’s the lucky person going

with you?

You are.

If you want.

Me?

I might have blown the

lightning round.

But I do know one thing.

You love ballet.

And this’ll give me a chance to

get to know you better.

I’m in.

Great.

Ow!

(Chuckling)

♪