03x14 - Poor Richard

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Beeping)

♪ Something tells me

I’ve been dreaming ♪

♪ Of someone who was

never real ♪

♪ It’s seems I’ve changed

a thousand ways ♪

♪ I wish I looked

the way I feel ♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ah

♪ Ah

♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Braceface

♪

What are you looking at?

See for yourself!

CONNOR: Nice parry, Alyson,

but watch this.

(Grunting)

Watch out yourself.

Cool, huh?

Yeah!

They’re getting really good at

it.

(Giggling)

Oh, look!

The career week display.

You do realize that Brock and

Alden will ask your dad a

million questions when he comes

to speak.

Ha, I know.

They think he’s guarding the

secret to rock and roll stardom

or something.

What’s your father doing

there, Braceface?

I thought this was for people

with real jobs, not out of work

drummers.

Uh, being a musician is a

real job.

I know it may be hard for you to

believe, but not everyone wants

to own a car dealership.

Whatever.

Someone’s gotta pay for that

train derailment in your mouth.

(Giggling)

Hey, what’s with all the

extra fencing practice these

days?

We’ve been getting ready for

our audition today at Sir

Lunchalot.

This totally amazing new

medieval restaurant.

Since when do you need to

audition for that?

It’s not just a restaurant,

Sharon.

Listen to this.

"Witness astounding swordplay,

behold strongmen, and be

serenaded by jesters."

(Giggling)

Oh yeah, I heard about that

place.

Everyone’s talking about it.

Really?

Ooh!

Band rehearsal in ten minutes.

Gotta go.

Break a leg, you two.

Tell me more.

This place sounds kind of cool.

Why don’t you come with us

and see for yourself?

♪

Wow!

Not bad.

Sorry.

Uh, do-- Do you find it kind

of musty in here?

Connor, this place is brand

new.

(Sniffling)

Maybe it’s the--

(Sneezing)

Carpets.

En garde!

Looks like you could use this.

(Giggling)

Oh, thanks.

(Sneezing)

(Giggling)

Listen up, dudes.

We are here to do some radical

entertaining.

If you can cut it, you’ll have

the awesome honour of being

knighted a performer in Sir

Lunchalot’s royal court.

Now, let’s get all the fencers

to pair up.

This place rocks!

Look at all the people our age

here.

I’m totally nervous.

Don’t worry, Alyson.

We’ll be--

(Sneezing)

Great.

Okay, you and... you can pair

up.

En garde!

(Alyson giggling)

Uh, but we’re together.

Don’t worry, you’ll be next.

Wish me luck!

Uh, good luck...

With Prince Charming.

Break a lance!

That’s it for fencers.

Calling all ye strongmen.

’Scuse me.

You forgot a fencer.

(Sneezing)

Oh, right.

Come on, Connor.

You can do it.

(Sneezing)

Whoa, dude.

You suck.

No, wait!

(Sneezing)

I really do--

(Sneezing)

Fence well.

Tell you what, bro.

You can be our honourable page.

You know, help the other fencers

with towels and equipment.

But this is a hunchback

costume.

You want me to be a hunchback?

A page/hunchback, yeah.

Don’t worry, Con.

It’ll still be fun.

Say, we’re looking for

friendly babes to be photo

wenches.

You interested?

Me?

Sure!

Sweet.

(Connor groaning)

Keep practicing, Alyson.

Later.

I don’t trust that guy.

There’s just something about

him.

Really?

I think he’s totally nice.

(Connor groaning)

Sharon, isn’t that your dad?

My dad?

Where?

(Lute strumming)

Great.

Let’s try a few bars.

(Sharon gasping)

Dad!

(Bells jingling)

♪ Alas, my love, you do me

wrong ♪

♪ To cast me aside so

discourteously ♪

Ha, check out the old timer.

Hey, let’s go say hi.

No!

We’re leaving.

Now.

What was my dad thinking?

He looked ridiculous.

In the space of one minute, the

coolest job in Elkford had

turned into the world’s worst

nightmare.

SHARON: I’m telling you,

Maria.

He looked like Peter Pan, only

worse.

But if Sir Lunchalot is cool

enough for you to work there,

why isn’t it okay for your dad

to?

Because a 42-year-old father

in tights and a wig is so far

off the cool scale it’s major

badness.

Uhh.

(Shushing)

WOMAN: Life as an emergency

room nurse is never dull.

(Applauding)

SHARON: Oh great.

Evie’s mom saves lives, and my

dad plays a lute at Sir

Lunchalot.

Come on, Sharon.

He has to work some place.

I know, but why does it have

to be there.

And now, please welcome

Braceface’s father, Mr. Richard

Spitz.

(Bells jingling)

Hark, Fair student folk of

Elkford High, as I sing medieval

ballads that doth bewitch thine

ears with joy.

(Laughing)

♪ Come one, come all

♪ To Sir Lunchalot

♪ We do Sunday brunch

♪ The coffee’s always hot ♪

Hey, Braceface.

Does your dad wear a sandwich

board on weekends?

(Nina cackling)

(Laughing)

(Screaming)

(Clapping)

I have to do something.

I can’t just sit back and watch

my entire social life go down

the drain.

I’ve been thinking about my

career week speech.

How ’bout I tell a few funny

stories from the road?

(Parrot squawking)

Uhm, yeah.

Uh, about that...

Pepper.

I knew I forgot something.

(Sharon sighing)

PARROT: Rock and roll.

Voilà.

Anyway, there’s this other

musician coming to school--

Awk!

Fire the drummer.

So, uh, they don’t really

need you to speak anymore.

Really?

Too bad.

I was looking forward to it.

I’ve got a great story about my

new gig at Sir Lunchalot.

Sir Lunchalot?

Oh, wow.

I work there, too.

You’re kidding!

We’re working together?

Father and daughter, together

again for the very first time.

Why didn’t you tell me?

Oh, it... It just happened.

Yesterday.

This is fantastic!

I can drive you home after work.

Great.

Look at the bright side.

You get to spend more time with

him.

Yes, but why does it have to

be while he’s wearing tights?

It was kind of embarrassing,

Maria.

Those shoes with the bells on

them--

Please, let’s not relive it,

Alyson.

All dads are embarrassing

sometimes.

Every morning, mine gets the

newspaper off the front lawn in

his underwear.

Ew!

Really?

Really.

You’ve seen him?

Connor, do I have to remind

you I live across the street?

Oh, right.

Don’t worry.

I would never tell anyone.

And neither will I.

About your dad, I mean.

Your secret’s totally safe

with us.

Enjoy thine visit.

Good evening, milady, milord.

Sir Lunchalot welcomes you to

this regal feast.

Tonight, there shall be a

pageant with knights, jugglers,

and music.

Say "feast!"

BOTH: Feast!

Enjoy thine visit.

Sir Lunchalot welcomes you to

this regal feast--

(Gasping)

Braceface?

Hello, Sharon.

My, don’t you look pretty.

Uh... Uh...

Close your mouth.

People are trying to eat.

Look at this menu.

Roasted figs, root soup.

Ooh.

Do you think they have ketchup

here?

Yes, milord, and a host of

other--

Whatever.

For the birthday lord.

(Giggling)

Say "feast!"

Enjoy thine visit.

Aren’t you going to escort us

to our table?

Certainly.

And try to keep your mouth

closed, wenchface.

The glare is ruining the

ambiance.

SHARON: I couldn’t believe

this was happening.

When Nina saw my dad, she’d

make it her personal mission to

tell everyone on the planet

about his new job.

If I didn’t do something

drastic, this would be the end

of my social life.

Connor, please come out.

Major emergency!

Where’s Connor?

CONNOR: Here.

Connor, I’m on soon.

Please just come out.

CONNOR: No.

Nina’s here.

Where?

In the dining room, with her

parents.

If she sees my dad, I’m

finished.

(Connor sneezing)

What are you gonna do?

I need your help.

It’s 7:40 now.

My dad starts his act at 9:00.

If we can clear Nina’s table and

get her out fast enough--

She’ll be gone before your

dad comes out and does that, you

know... bell thing.

Exactly.

Good evening, fair maidens.

You ready to thrust and parry,

Aly?

Totally.

(Connor groaning)

Sorry, but I can’t help.

I’m on soon.

I’ll see you out there, okay

Connor?

CONNOR: Aly?

No one calls her Aly.

Connor, what were you doing

in there?

Hiding.

What’ll Alyson think when she

sees me like this?

That you’re a good sport.

(Giggling)

With a hump.

Now, come on!

(Grunting)

This place is a hoot.

What is this?

A medieval geek fest?

Listen, Nina--

No time!

Any more of those baby

potatoes, Ellie?

You, Quasimodo.

We need potatoes.

Right in front of you.

Oh, so they are.

Excuse me, son.

Any ketchup to go with these,

hmm?

Sorry milord, no ketchup.

So, I guess you won’t be wanting

them any more.

Ha, I’ll clear thine plates for

thee.

(Grunting)

(Giggling)

SHARON: Connor!

(Man laughing)

More mead, darlin’.

The next course is now ready.

Take these, Con--

Connor?

MAN: Nice sword!

(Laughing)

En garde, knightly lady.

(Giggling)

Connor, I could really use

some help.

I am supposed to be the page,

Sharon.

Alyson might need a towel or

something.

But she’s doing fine without

your help.

That’s the problem.

Oh no!

A noble platter of beets and

figs for the lord.

More figs?

Oh, if you don’t like them

I’ll remove them immediately,

milord.

We’re almost out of time.

I’ll get the check.

Sir Spike, table eight needs

their check.

Why are they splitting so

soon?

They cool with everything?

Oh, sure.

They just thought they’d pack it

in a little early, you know.

Excellent.

I’ll ring ’em through.

I’ll take it, thanks.

Can I get you anything else?

Some dessert would be nice.

It’s fig pie.

Oh.

Maybe just a cup of coffee.

Ooh, special blend.

Fig flavoured.

Oh.

Just the check, then.

Here you go.

Wait!

We need another picture.

A regal notion, fair

princess.

Just let me put on a little

lipstick.

Gather ye ’round.

Say "leave"-- I mean, "feast!"

(Buzzing)

(Music stops)

(Crowd groaning)

Whoa, dude.

It’s way too chill in here.

We need some tunes pronto.

Lords and ladies of the court.

Our talented wandering minstrels

will now delight and dazzle with

their music.

But it’s only five to 9:00!

(Bell tinkling)

♪ Alas, my love, you do me

wrong ♪

♪ To cast me aside so

discourteously ♪

(Nina gasping)

(Nina shrieking)

Daddy, I just got in the mood

for fig pie.

Oh, whatever you say, Popo.

Popo?

So, this is where your dad

works.

I can’t wait to hear his

juggling pointers at career

week.

Yes, I’m sure you’ll have the

time of your life.

Oh, excuse me, minstrel!

Doth thou taketh requests?

I do indeed, milord.

Approach, I beseech thee.

I wish to sing a ballad for my

lovely daughter.

Daddy, I don’t think that--

♪ My Popo lies over the ocean

♪ My Popo lies over the sea

♪ My Popo lies over the ocean

♪ Please bring back my Popo to

me ♪

Daddy, what are you doing?

I think you’d better sit down.

Oh, nonsense, Popo.

This is super.

I’m so glad you wanted to stay.

Me too.

♪ Bring back, bring back

♪ Oh, bring back

SHARON: Connor was right.

All dads are embarrassing

sometimes, even Nina’s.

In a weird way I felt bad for

her.

♪ Oh, bring back my Popo to me

But not that bad.

(Giggling)

Connor, where’ve you been all

night?

Ha, hey.

Nice costume on ya.

What’s that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

I was just saying--

Sir, I challenge thee to a

duel for this lady’s honour.

(Sneezing)

Ha, okay.

I, uh, accept, sir.

(Cheering)

What are you doing?

Silence, gentle guests.

It is the honour of the maiden’s

hand for which these valiant

knights contest.

No!

En garde!

(Cheering)

♪ Popo to me

(Nina grunting)

Hey, where ya goin’, Popo?

(Whispering) One word of

this at school, you’re dead.

To the... damsels room.

(Sharon giggling)

(Gasping)

Connor!

(Grunting)

♪

(Cheering)

And we have a winner!

Why did you do that?

I just didn’t want you to

be... I dunno.

What?

Connor, what?

I thought you might be

embarrassed by me.

Embarrassed?

Why?

Because I’m just a

page/hunchback.

I look like an idiot.

Connor, I don’t care what job

you do or what costume you wear.

I just want us to have fun

together.

Really?

Really.

(Giggling)

(Cheering)

And then it hit me.

People do ridiculous things all

the time.

Maybe being embarrassed about

it was actually my problem.

♪ Bring back, oh bring back my

Popo to me ♪

Fired?

That’s right, bro.

Both of us?

Uh-huh.

Rushing a table before they’re

done noshing is not cool, dudes.

Then count me out, too.

I’m not interested if Connor’s

not here.

Shall we walketh home together?

I would be honoured, milady.

See ya, Sharon.

Good night.

RICHARD: You okay?

Yeah.

Nina’s dad embarrassed her

out there, huh?

Yeah.

Is that why you rushed them?

’Cause my act embarrassed you?

But I’m getting over it.

So, it’s not that they found

someone else to speak at career

week.

I shouldn’t have lied, but I

kind of panicked.

I’m really sorry, Dad.

It’s not always easy making a

living as a drummer, Sharon.

Sometimes I have to take gigs

I’m not crazy about.

You get that, right?

Yeah.

That’s how I felt when I started

doing that clown job, remember?

I’d understand if you weren’t

interested anymore, but would

you consider coming to career

week after all?

Let me think about it.

(Playing chords)

Can I bring my lute?

(Sharon giggling)

SHARON: This is for you.

Why are you giving it to me?

I don’t need it.

So, what’s to stop me from

telling everyone your dad’s

little secret?

Nothing.

Popo.

And that’s what we call

closing the deal.

(Applauding)

So, is he going to mention

Sir Lunchalot?

It’s his speech.

He can say whatever he wants.

And now, let’s welcome a

working musician, Mr. Richard

Spitz.

(Cheering)

BOY: All right, Mr. Spitz.

SHARON: Okay, so maybe I’d

never get totally used to the

minstrel thing, but I knew that

I could count on my dad, and

that was even better than cool.

♪