03x17 - Creepy Crawly Much?

[bunniefuu]

[beeping noise]

[theme music]

[expl*si*n sound]

[suspenseful music]

[alarm sound]

Ah!

That's impossible.

[school bell sounds]

So are we studying
tonight, Sam?

Sounds great.

Remembering to bring
your books, your pencils,

and some popcorn and a movie.

Movie, great.

What time should I be there?

SAM: Hola, amigos.

Everyone, this is Juan.

He's a transfer
student from Spain.

What is it, a new
flavor of fat free Froyo?

Ah!

Juan is the captain
of the Jai alai team.

Not only is he majorly
cute and athletic,

but he doesn't
speak any English.

In a word, he's perfect.

I'm so happy for you guys.

Your honeys are
such hotties, ha.

[UNISON] Ah.

But cheer up, Alex.

You'll find a nice guy.

CLOVER: Yeah, he could be
just around the corner.

ALEX: Ah.

Oh.

Huh.

[squeal]

[laughter]

Um.

[tinkling chimes]

Wow, hi, I'm available.

I mean, I'm Alex.

Ha, ow.

Ah, guess I'm just
meant to be alone.

Don't worry about me.

You can go back to
your boyfriends.

JUAN: Hey.

OK.

OK.

Who needs a boyfriend anyway?

I can Stand on my own two feet.

I don't need a-- ah!

Uh.

Uh.

Ah.

[rock music]

Oh, sorry.

My day just keeps
getting worse and worse.

I know how you feel.

Reminds me of a poem.

Her hair was dark--

[thunder]

--like dead tree's bark.

Feel the pain.

[bird caw]

Oh whooping crane.

Wow, that was so deep.

I knew you'd understand.

You should come to
our poetry club.

We call ourselves
The Somber Society.

We're Having a meeting
in the school basement.

Hey, that sounds like fun.

I mean, it sounds
sad and poetic.

Buenas t*rd, Juan.

Oo.

[laughter]

SAM: [gasp]

CLOVER: Oo.

Hey, guys.

This is Seth.

He took me to his poetry club.

-

SETH: Like a flower
floating in a sewer,

my heart reeks for Alex.

That is such a
thoughtful poem.

[laughter] Mind if we
borrow Alex for a sec?

ALEX: Ah.

I guess I'll be waiting
over here, eternally alone.

OK, I know you
want a boyfriend,

but you could be
a little pickier.

This poem will explain it all.

Seth wrote it for me.

My world was empty.

Oh, world of garbage,
blech to you.

[UNISON] Ah!

Ew.

Oh, hello girls.

I'm afraid we have a
major crisis on our hands.

CLOVER:

And I have someone's
lunch on my hands.

Couldn't you come up with a less
disgusting way to get us here?

ALEX: Yeah.
SAM: Yeah.

G.L.A.D.I.S.: Luckily, I've been
programed to enforce WOOHP's

high standards of hygiene.

In the past two weeks, four
high security military bases

have been infiltrated.

What makes this
case so sensitive

is that the bases are
in different countries--

the United States, China,
France, and Russia.

If we don't solve
this case soon,

the nations involved may
start blaming each other.

So once again, the fate of
the world is in our hands.

A good thing those
hands are clean.

Now, come get your gadgets.

[machine noises]

JERRY: Flashlight
rings recently equipped

with a revelation beam
that can illuminate things

that the human eye can't see.

Maybe we can use it to
find out what Alex could

possibly see in poetry boy.

[laughter]

Extendable rod mascara.

It's waterproof, and it
can throw a net 20 yards.

This eau de grenade releases
super concentrated essence

of sweet Egyptian rose hip.

G.L.A.D.I.S.: And the
piece de resistance,

high-density breath freshener.

Yeah, and that's in
case the bad guys force us

to eat really garlicky pizza?

G.L.A.D.I.S.: Very funny.

When combined with the
heat of a human mouth,

this spray produces a massive
spearmint-scented smoke screen.

Any questions?

What happens to the
souls of dead flowers?

[UNISON] [sigh]

I'll have to
look into that one.

One more thing--

Russian soldiers
don't dress like that.

Got it covered.

Excellent.

Now, go ahead and
save the world, spies.

ALEX: Let's do it.

[helicopter sound]

[yawn]

[helicopter sound]

CLOVER: Uh.
SAM: Ah.

ALEX: Uh.

[booted footsteps]

Boy, this place is
cold like the rest

of the empty, uncaring
universe we live in.

Oo, not bad.

Ugh.

Get over yourself, goth girl.

Let's tap into their
surveillance system.

ALEX: Uh, what's with
that glowing blob?

SAM: I don't know, but whatever
it was, it went this way.

I'm not going out there.

What if someone sees me in
this unflattering outfit?

Ah!

Hm.

SAM: Whoa.

Hm.

It's some sort of
biological residue.

Let's see when
Jerry makes of this.

At least we can follow the
trail inside and warm our feet,

if not our frozen souls.

[beeping noise]

SAM: Come on.

[grunting]

ALEX: Ah.

SAM: Uh.

Look, seems like the
intruder knew exactly

what it was looking for.

Computers, spiritless,
heartless computers, just

like mother nature.

Hey, think Seth
will like that one?

[oozing sound]

CLOVER: Looks like the intruder
was small enough to crawl

in here and steal memory chips.

No wonder the soldiers
couldn't stop it.

They probably couldn't see it.

[alarm sound]

Ah.

[gasp] What is this?

Some sort of Russian disco?

Uh, what was that?

SAM: Ah.

CLOVER: Uh.

Uh.

Something that
doesn't want us here.

[insect buzzing]

Ah.

Ah!

Hiyah!

This thing isn't
fighting fair.

Time to even the odds.

Gotcha.

Don't gotcha.

Like life itself,
what just happened here

is a dark, brooding mystery.

CLOVER: Nice work, Alex.

Your poetry drove
the attacker away.

SAM: We'd better
get out of here.

[gasp]

SOLDIER: Get them!

[metal clanking sound]

[grunting]

ALL: Ah.

SOLDIER: Hey!

Woohoo!

[music playing]

The world is in danger, yet
we sit here, waiting, waiting

for our beautiful demise.

But what else can we do?

We don't even know what attacked
us at the military base.

[phone ringing]

ALL: [gasp]

Hola, Juan.

ALEX AND SAM: [sigh]

You what?

Ah.

Ah, he said, te quiero.

He loves me.

How sweet.

Aaron once told me that I
was the Einstein of beauty.

Hey, Alex, what's
the most romantic thing

Seth has ever said to you?

Um, let me see.

[squishing noise]

I need more black paint
to finish your walls.

I'll get some.

Thanks for darkening my life.

Ah.

OK, time for an intervention.

Alex, this goth
stuff is so not you.

Clover is right.

I mean no offense, but black
is definitely not your color.

CLOVER: Eh.

[screaming]

ALEX: c*ck.

[screaming]

SAM: Gross.

Seth probably
brought them over.

Yeah, he's so
depressing that only bugs

will hang out with him.

He's a gritty,
suburban poet with

darkly delicate sensibilities.

He's not a slob.

ALL: Whoa!

Sorry, Alex.

I spilled some-- huh?

She's gone.

Oh, I knew she'd leave me.

Why must I suffer so for my art?

Hmm.

[screaming]

Thanks, Jer.

You just rescued us
from a swarm of roaches.

Well, don't look now, girls,
but I think you were tailed.

[screaming]

G.L.A.D.I.S.

G.L.A.D.I.S.: Come to mama.

Analyzing.

The roach matches the residue
collected at the military base.

That means the memories
chips were stolen by bugs?

Strange, but apparently true.

This footage was taken
outside the military base

on the night of the break-in.

The van was rented
by a pest control

expert named, Max Exterminus.

I suggest you girls
visit his headquarters.

Um, how about we just
instant message the guy?

[clears throat]

Please?

I really hate bugs.

Then no doubt you'll
enjoy fighting them.

CLOVER: Ew!

Ech.

Maybe we can find
a clue that will

tell us why an exterminator
needs military secrets.

Give me some light.

ALEX: Got it.

Ew.

OK, I've seen enough.

There's nothing here.

Can we please leave?

Maybe there's something in--

[gasp]

Hard to imagine how this
could get any more disgusting.

[sound of bugs crawling]

Ah!

[screaming] Uh.

Oh.

Eh.

[screaming]

It's almost like someone
trained these bugs.

[buzzing]

SAM: They definitely don't want
us anywhere near that computer.

[buzzing]

Ah, it's a blizzard of bugs.

We need to see
what's on the computer.

Hah!
[grunts]

He's been working on
some kind of genetic code.

But I thought he was
stealing military secrets?

SAM: Ah, there's got to
be a connection somewhere.

[gasp] Guys, I
suggest you look down.

Are those termites?

[screaming]

This is mega weird.

It looks like a hotel room.

The room service
menu is blank.

Ah!

[squishing sound]

Guys.

It's like we're in a
human-sized roach motel.

ALL: [gasp]

[gasp]

ALL: Ah!

Welcome to my
humble insectarium.

Looks like we found
our exterminator.

Yes, I once was
an exterminator,

but it was a waste of time.

I realized I couldn't k*ll all
of the bugs in my neighborhood,

never mind all of
the bugs in the word.

And since I couldn't beat them--

Let me guess, you joined them.

No!

I lead them!

[maniacal laughter] I
found a way to synthesize

insect DNA with human DNA.

I've been injecting
myself with it.

Since bugs respect size, I have
become king of the insects.

Charming.

You must be a real
hit with the ladies.

So you had the
bugs you control

break into the
military installations.

My swarm has stolen
top secret data

that has allowed me to create
a bug venom filled rocket.

That reminds me of a poem.

Ugh.

Your venom fills my world.

My world is venomized.

When I disperse the venom
into the Earth's jet stream,

the only survivors
will be my bus and me.

[laughter] But every
king needs a queen.

You remind me of the
queen of all insects,

the black widow spider.

You're dark, leggy, and
I'm sure quite dangerous.

It's just a look I'm
trying out to impress a boy.

Ah!

Uh.

This is my bug-maker.

It injects mega
doses of insect DNA

to reconstruct your
body chemistry.

Soon you'll be my insect queen.

Ah!

Guys, I could really
use some help here.

Hey, pick on someone
from your own species.

You know, I've been so busy
today I forgot to feed my bugs.

So why don't you two
feed them for me?

CLOVER: Ew.

Dig in, my friends.

[screaming]

SAM: Ow.

ALEX: Let me go.

I'm starting to feel weird.

Ah, we've got out
own problems, Alex.

Man, I really hate bugs.

Well, we don't
like you either.

[whimpering] Ah!

I've dreamt of this
night for a long time.

Soon we will control
every insect in the world.

[maniacal laughter]

[buzzing]
- Oo.

Uh.

We've got to get out of here
before we become a bug buffet.

Wait, I have an idea.

Uh.

Nice throw, Sam.

You totally missed them.

No, I didn't.

Bugs are attracted
to sweet smells.

It will distract
them long enough

for us to get out of here.

CLOVER: [grunting]
Wait, my boots.

Ah.

Those were limited
addition Vespuccis.

WOOHP better replace them.

I tell you what,
first we get Alex.

Then we save the world.

Then we think about getting
your some new boats.

MAX EXTERMINUS: The
time has come, my swarm.

Soon the world will be ours.

[maniacal laughter]

ALEX: Let me go, maggot breath.

Don't fight it.

One day we'll tell our
larva about how we met.

[whimpering] Please, get
that image out of my head.

Hah.

Exterminate them!

Incoming.

We could use a really
big fly swatter right now.

Ah!

MAX EXTERMINUS:
Excuse me, my queen.

I have to go destroy
the real pests.

Don't leave me.

Don't leave me.

That's no way to
treat your queen.

If we stay in here
any longer, we're going

to get a major case of cooties.

Uh, there's not enough
time to battle them all.

We'll have to out-fly them.

If you wanted to fly,
you would have wings.

[screaming]

Don't worry.

I got your back.

Don't worry, my brood.

Nothing shall stop us
from ruling this world.

In a few moments, we
shall unleash the venom.

What?

Do you know how long this
is going to take to wax?

Don't fret, my queen.

All bugs have hairy legs.

Then you better turn me back.

But you're perfect
the way you are.

A couple days ago, I was just
about desperate enough to fall

for a line like that one.

Good news.

In a few seconds, we'll be
over some huge abandoned nickel

mines.

It's time to get rid
of Max and his rocket

before he releases that
bug venom into the air.

Hold on, I have an idea.

Don't worry, my swarm.

We're so close.

Stay on target.

We're almost at the jest stream.

I just remembered something.

Bugs hate smoke.

It disorients them.

Hey, Alex, you should
really do something

about your bug breath.

Here.

ALEX: Hey, Max, how
can I be your queen

if we haven't even kissed yet?

MAX EXTERMINUS: Whoa!

Oh.

Oh.

What have you done, my queen?

Get this straight, bug boy.

I am so not your queen.

And if I were you, I'd think
about dropping the b*mb.

Ah.

No.

I won't let go of
my precious rocket.

This is my life's work.

[expl*si*n sound]

SAM: Puyah.
ALEX: All right.

CLOVER: Yee haw.

Bullseye.

Ew, talk about
combination skin.

I was once your
queen, you know.

SAM: Hey, we just saw
Seth over at the mall.

CLOVER: How come he doesn't
come around anymore?

Uh, when the bug DNA
wore off, I was so happy

that it freaked him out.

He said my happiness
was ruining his image.

Anyway, I found somebody new.

Ready to put up
the paper, honey.

BOTH: Huh?

Guys, this is Bed Head.

He's a stand-up comic.

Hey, fun to meet you.

[zap noise]
- Ow!

[laughter]

Gets them every time.

Hehe.

Isn't he fun?

We're covering the black
paint in my room with this.

CLOVER: Uh, it's an
improvement, sort of.

[laughter] Hey, check it out.

My phone has call wetting.

Ha ha, do you get it?
Call wetting.

[laughter]

It's because it's water.

[laughter]

We are so picking
her next boyfriend.

Definitely.

Hmm, don't see anything wrong
with dating non-jock-type guys.

I mean, opposites
attract, and goth

is like totally opposite me.

But I mean, still cool, you
know, in that dark, weird--

SAM: Depressing way.

Thank you, Sam.

I mean, who can wear
black every day,

especially when
Clover's got the hottest

new pair of powder blue
boots I can borrow.

Mmhmm.

[laughter]