03x23 - Head Shrinker Much?

[bunniefuu]

[music playing]

Turning the school gym into a
venue worthy of our new members

dinner is quite a
challenge, but perhaps we

can cover up the
basketball hoops

with a few tasteful facades.

Brilliant, Randolph.

Facades would be perfect
for covering something up.

Why does Sam have to do join
every nerdy club at school?

Oh yes, Sam, I agree
that Japanese blow fish is

an exotic dish, but hardly
appropriate for guests

who didn't ask to risk
their lives at dinner.

Now after dinner, the
club will want to enjoy

some music and dancing.

OK, now this is
definitely my department.

Check this out.

No doubt, but I think that
on a formal occasion, we

class members might
want to enjoy something

a little more traditional.

Like the tango.

Care to give it a try?

Randolph!

I am so sorry.

My fault. I should
have known you

wouldn't be familiar with the
proper steps to a real dance.

I am so, so uncultured.

You are not, Sam.

Come on, let's blow
this snooze fest

and have some real fun at the
Beverly Hills glamour fair.

Glamour fair?

So everyone can laugh at me?

I don't think so.

I'm not showing
my face in public

again until I am presentable.

We are going to charm school.

Remember, Samantha, proper
elocution and good posture

are the keys to making
a good impression.

Repeat after me: may I offer you
a cup of orange Darjeeling tea?

You try.

May I offer you a cup
of orange Darjeeling tea?

Try it again, only with your
nose held higher in the air.

May I offer you a cup of tea?

May I offer you a cup of tea?

Better.

Now for posture, we'll use
this Beverly Hills phone book

to practice
exemplary locomotion.

These exemplary
manners are so bogus.

It's like it's not even Sam.

I know.

She's only doing it
to charm Randolph.

He should be trying
to charm her.

May I offer you a cup
of orange Darjeeling tea?

Now, where did they Ladies?

It isn't polite to leave
without bidding adieu.

Well, spies,
this is the first.

I seem to have interrupted
you at high tea.

Not at all.

May I offer you a cup
of orange Darjeeling?

Why yes.

And my compliments,
Sam, I rather

like this new persona of yours.

Really?

You can tell I'm different?

Absolutely.

You remind me a
bit of my mother.

Ouch!

Now, about today's mission.

Not much to go on, I'm afraid.

Simply a rash of incidents
involving petty vandalism,

beatings with clubs,
spontaneous primitive behavior,

if you like.

You're sending us
on a mission to round

up a few misbehaving yahoos?

Must be a slow day on the
world domination front.

Although the incidents
are relatively minor,

they are becoming
frequent enough

for WOOP to be concerned.

In fact, there seems to
be an incident in progress

at the Beverly Hills Mall.

Our mall?

Yes.

You'd better get there as
soon as you have your gadgets.

Gladys?

Today you'll be using
fashionable heat sensor motion

detector sunglasses, a laser
nail file, and the tornado

blast hair dryer.

And you'll be prepared for all
kinds of weather, including

acid rain with this compact
collapsible Teflon-coated

armored umbrella.

All right then, off
you go to the mall.

And remember, no shopping.

You're on duty.

We're too late.

Our mall's been destroyed.

What happened?

A riot?

Looting?

Clearance sale?

Listen!

Sounds like whoever did
this is still around.

I don't see anything.

Wait.

There, by the shoe store!

Hey, you big ape!

I don't think they
have your size.

You're gonna have to be
quicker than that, nature boy.

They may be slow, but
they sure are sturdy.

Whoever or whatever they are,
their elocution and posture

are terrible.

Not to mention their
sense of fair play.

Hey, what's that?

Um...

Phew, not a real tiger.

But if these
uncivilized troglodytes

are as dumb as they look, a
hologram should do the trick.

That should prove
I'm ahead of them

on the evolutionary
scale, though I

guess that's not saying much.

Hey, you big ignoramus!

Don't you know
hair-pulling is impolite?

Let her go, or--

Alex, think of something!

He's pulling my hair
out by the root.

Don' worry, Sam, I
can outwit this ape man.

Are you OK, Sam?

Nothing a weave can't fix.

This goon got that
spear from a little guy

who didn't look like the others,
but I don't see anyone now.

He must have cleared out
with the rest of the mob.

Then this is the only
ape man we have left.

Let's get a look at him.

It's Randolph!

It is Randolph!

So do we take him back
to WOOP for questioning

or drop him off at the zoo?

Alex, can't you see the
poor boy's not himself?

Looks like he had
a reverse make over.

He's waking up!

I can't believe you guys
have Randolph on a leash.

Enough clowning
around, I'm calling Jer.

Good afternoon, spies.

Anything to report?

We snagged one of the mall
wreckers, Jer, but get this--

he's a boy at school
that Sam's hot for.

Really?

I would have thought
that Sam would

be associating with a
better class of people

than a common hooligan.

He's not a hooligan!

He's president of C-L-A-S-S.

A well-mannered,
sophisticated human being

who likes to eat wax fruit.

Well let's have a
look at him, shall we?

It appears this Randolph
person is a cave man.

What?

According to the
measurements I've just taken,

particularly the
size of his cranium,

he has all the physical
characteristics

of a Neanderthal.

We just saw him yesterday
and he was the most

sophisticated guy in school.

So someone's shrinking
smart people's brains to turn

them into primitive cave men?

Why would anyone do that?

Good question, Clover.

Do you have any other clues?

Well there's this
spear he was carrying.

Not a very modern
looking weapon, is it?

Here it is.

This spear looks
exactly like the one

at the anthropology
department of Beverly

Hills community college.

Then get to the
school right away

and see if there's a connection.

I'll have Randolph brought to
WOOP to see if we can reverse

the brain shrinking process.

I hope you can, for Sam's
sake, or the class dinner

is going to be
really interesting.

I hope we solve this case
before the glamor fair is over.

I want to ride that new
coaster, the curling iron.

According to the
school directory,

this is the office
of the guy in charge

of artifacts, Professor Link.

I'm not sure this guy
is even a real professor.

I mean, look at all
these bogus diplomas.

The mail order
college of Micronesia?

Couldn't he get
into Tijuana Tech?

Actually, Link's been rejected
by just about everybody:

Harvard, Princeton,
that exclusive club

for people with high IQs.

Listen to this from the
Journal of Anthropology:

"Professor Link's theories
don't even qualify

as third rate scholarship.

If he were a first year
student, Link would probably

fail just for bad spelling."

Poor guy, I kind of
feel sorry for him.

Looks like he's smart
enough to lose a TV quiz show.

Hey, this guy could almost
be the one I saw with a spear

in the mall.

In which case he's met
Professor Link before.

Unless that little
guy is Professor Link.

But why would he keep a
picture of himself losing?

I don't know.

Same reason he kept all
these rejection letters.

There's definitely
something weird about him.

It's A real cave.

Or at least a real
artificial one.

Wow, it looks like something
you'd see in a museum.

It's so authentic.

These stone tools,
the cave paintings,

those primitive people.

Yeah, it looks
like they're making

real weapons by a real fire.

They are real and
so are their weapons!

We're trapped!

OK, we've got ourselves
out of tougher spots

before, we can get
out of this one.

Right?
- Maybe we don't have to.

Look.

Professor Link, I resume.

Great Great idea
scaring the cave man

with that dumb costume, Link.

You're smarter than you look.

That's Professor Link,
and soon I shall be

the smartest man in the world.

Grab them!

I think we found our bad guy.

We might have guessed you
were behind this if it wasn't

for all those bogus degrees.

Yeah, all the bad guys we
now are real evil geniuses, not

fake ones.

And snappier dressers.

Where did you find
that bad guy outfit?

At a rummage sale?

You underestimate me.

Well, no one will ever do
that again, not when I devolve

the entire human species.

OK, I'll bite.

Why?

After years of rejection
by the academic world,

I tried to make myself
smarter by expanding

my brain capacity with this.

Unfortunately, my microwave
emitter had the opposite effect

and I decided to become
the most intelligent

person on the planet by
making everyone else dumber.

That's clever.

Not very ambitious, but clever.

Look around you.

These cretins were once the
physics faculty at the Beverly

Hills community college.

Don't believe me?

I'll give you a
little demonstration.

This is the head of the
astronomy department.

By using the jumbo
version of my device,

I'll have Beverly
Hills in the Stone Age

by the end of the day, and
it won't be long before I

devolve the entire world.

Except for me, of course.

We're going to be cave
girls, eating raw meat

and wearing animal skins.

Oh, don't worry.

I have other plans
for you three.

You're going to go the
way of the dinosaurs.

Perhaps some future
paleontologist

will discover your old fossils
in about a million years or so.

Ta ta!

We've got to think
of something quick,

these fumes are starting
to make me woozy.

We've got the tornado
blast hair dryer.

I could use it to blow
us away from the pit.

If we could just
cut our hands free.

Hey, I picked up
a flint arrowhead

during the last fight.

What?

I thought it would
make a pretty necklace.

Get set, Sam,
she's almost through.

Now let's stop Link before
Beverly Hills is filled

with hordes of
empty headed idiots

walking around with trashy
clothes and vacant stares.

Must Listen, that must
be the sound of Professor

Link's brain shrinking device.

He's already started it up.

But from where?

It's gotta be somewhere up high

There, the Ferris
wheel at the glamour fair

is the highest point around.

Let's go!

Everyone in Beverly Hills
has been turned into cavemen.

Not everyone.

Look!

I wonder why we're
not being affected.

There's a rude
caveman on the roof.

I'll get him.

Alex, wait!

Got him!

It's the SUV.

We're protected as
long as we stay inside.

Alex!

Get in here.

You're starting to turn
into a cave chick out there.

Look!

You know, I think it's
time I plucked my eyebrow.

Let's get outta here!

Alex, I know the ray has
already affected your brain,

but stay under the
umbrella, got it?

Alex!

Wow, that's a
really big wheel.

She's got the right idea.

If we're going to stop Professor
Link, we have to get up there.

So the spies have escaped.

No matter, you can take care of
them, my faithful Neanderthals.

Like this.

It's hard enough climbing with
umbrella without those g*ons

sh**ting arrows at us.

We can make it as
long as they don't throw

anything heavier than that.

We're never gonna
make it up there.

No, but Alex is
almost at the axle.

If we can just get her
to cut through the bolt

with her laser nail file.

The whole thing will
come crashing down.

Alex!

Cut through the axle!

Your laser nail file!

Use it!

Now cut through the axle bolt!

They're toppling the wheel!

Get down there and stop them!

Sammy!

Alex did it!

The whole Ferris
wheel's coming down!

Here Jerry?

You're a caveman too?

Um, not quite.

Fortunately, the
brain shrinking device

was unable to penetrate
WOOP headquarters

and the only staff affected were
those outside on coffee breaks,

including me.

But you did save the rest
of Southern California

from being sent back
to the Stone Age.

Oh, I have a question.

Oh yeah, um, me stay this way?

Happily, we found
a way to reverse

the brain shrinking process.

It's been successfully
tested on Randolph

and everyone affected
by Link's ray

should make a full recovery
with no memory of being cavemen,

of course.

Then Randolph's okay!

Um, and your buddy Alex?

In case you care?

Yeah, of course.

Good evening, so
glad you could come.

Lovely dress.

Welcome to the C-L-A-S-S dinner.

You can save the proper
lady act for stuff Randolph.

Speaking of which,
where is Randolph?

I haven't seen him yet.

He's supposed to be
taking care of the music.

This should get those uptight
new recruits to loosen up.

Randolph, you're
not the same old you.

Nope, the stuffy boring old
Randolph is gone for good.

I don't know why I kept my wild
side bottled up for so long.

Come on, Sam, let's dance!

Um, maybe later.

Suit yourself.

Looks like Randolph
still has a little bit

of residual caveman in him.

It's nothing a few charm
lessons can't cure, right Sam?

I don't think the old
Randolph is ever coming back.

Hey Randolph, lemme show
you how to really dance!

I hope you brought
your steel-toed boots.

I think I've
learned something with

this whole Neanderthal mission.

It's not so important to
be all flawlessly styled

with perfectly applied makeup.

I mean, hello, it's totally
normal-- healthy, in fact--

to just roll out of bed
and relax into the day.

Clover, varsity quarterback
Rick is here to see you!

Lipstick!

Hair clip!

I'll be healthy tomorrow.