03x18 - Truth or Scare

[bunniefuu]

[theme music]

[music playing]

[cheering and applause]

[beeping]

FAN: Gisella!

We love you!

We love everything you do!

GISELLA: I love
you, too darlings!

Every single one of you!

[blows kisses]

[cheering and applause]

GISELLA: Oh!
Driver!

There's something
wrong with the car!

Help!

Oh!

DRIVER: Oh, I'll help you,
Gisella, right after you

answer a few simple questions.

GISELLA: Oh, uh.

[bell rings]

CLOVER: Here it is, girls!

The premier issue of Yes!

Way!

ALEX: Oh!

A full-length
on-the-record interview

with supermodel Gisella!

Hope it's juicy.

SAM: She says the secret
to her long figure

is that she only eats
long, skinny foods,

like licorice and spaghetti.

ALEX: Hm.

Maybe I should
have gotten an ice

cream bar instead of a dish.

CLOVER: See?

Information you can really use.

That's what I call
investigative journalism.

MANDY: Isn't it time you
traded in that bogus gossip

for the real kind?

Say hello Reality or Risque!

The hot new game where you
have to reveal your secrets

or face a challenge.

SAM: Reality or risk?

Sorry to burst your
bubble head, Mandy,

but Truth or Dare has
been around for ages.

MANDY: Excuse me!

Were you not listening?

This game is not Truth or Dare.

It comes from France, and it
has a fancy carrying case!

Now, who wants to go first?

SAM: Oh, forget it, Mandy!

We're not interested
in your stupid game!

MANDY: Of course you are!

And the first player is--

CLOVER: Ah!

MANDY: Clover!

Reality or Risque?

CLOVER: Reality.

MANDY: How many boys have
you kissed this week?

CLOVER: Um, five.

No, no, no, wait, six.

[sam and alex laugh]

What?

MANDY: Sam is next.

Reality or Risk?

SAM: Reality.

MANDY: Oh!

What is the name of the
first boy you ever kissed.

SAM: Lloyd Bradley.

Sixth grade.

Our braces got stuck together.

MANDY: [snorts] Charming.
OK.

One more spin.

Alex!

Reality or Risque?

ALEX: Reality.

MANDY: Oh!

[laughs] What is the name
of your very best friend.

ALEX: Clover and Sam.

Duh!

[buzzer sounds]

MANDY: You have to choose one!

ALEX: No, I don't!

I like them both the same.

MANDY: If you refuse
to answer the reality,

then you have to take the risk.

ALEX: Fine, I'll
take the risk then.

MANDY: Good!

Then risk losing a
friend by telling

the name of your very best one!

ALEX: Forget it!

I'm not going to chose
between Sam and Clover just

because of your stupid game.

MANDY: Wow, she's really angry.

Must have something to hide.

SAM: Alex, wait.

MANDY: Hey, is anyone going
to finish this ice cream?

CLOVER: Alex, calm down.

We would never let anything
Mandy says come between us.

SAM: Yeah, Alex.

You know we'll always stick
together no matter wha--

[spies screaming]

JERRY: Sorry for the
interruption, ladies.

However, knowing your
over-developed tendencies

towards celebrity worship,
I don't think you'll mind.

ALEX: Hey!

That's Jackson John's
private glass jet!

SAM: Jackson John?

As in the slightly kooky,
totally reclusive, pop singer?

ALEX: He's not kooky.

He's the best.

Music really speaks to me.

CLOVER: You and a
bunch of old people.

I mean, hello?

Over-the-hill much?

JERRY: Spies, please.

The artistic merits
of Mr. John's music

are none of WOOHP's concern.

His attempted
abduction, however, is.

ALEX: Oh!

JERRY: It appears that Mr.
John was attacked by a man

impersonating his pilot.

Luckily, he showed some
moxie and was able to escape.

CLOVER: Who would try
such a weird kidnapping?

JERRY: I don't know.

And neither does Jackson John.

Which is why he's
hired you to find out.

ALEX: Meaning we're
going to JJ Land ranch?

JERRY: Yes.

SPIES: Awesome!

SAM: I thought you said
he was for old people.

CLOVER: I thought you
said he was kooky.

JERRY: Now, your gadgets.

Gladys?

GLADYS: Today you'll be
receiving titanium drill heel

boots, net-throwing,
extendable rod mascara,

and the always fashionable
earring communicators--

now with faux sapphire bauble.

JERRY: Just one
more thing, spies.

If it's not too
much trouble, would

you mind asking Jackson John for
his autograph for me-- my, my--

[laughs] Ahem!

My niece?

ALEX: Sure thing, Jer!

[laughs]

JERRY: Very good then.

Off you go.

[music playing]

SAM: Hey, Alex?

You know when I
said that Jackson

John was a little bit kooky?

You know that was no
reflection on you, right?

Because best friends can
have differences of opinion

on stuff like that.

ALEX: Um, sure Sam.

CLOVER: Hey, Alex!

You know I wasn't
suggesting you are

out of touch when I said Jackson
John was for old people, right?

I mean, just because we're
best friends doesn't mean

we have to agree all the time.

ALEX: OK, Clover.

SAM: Hey!
What are you guys talking about?

CLOVER: Nothing.

Just a private conversation
between two best friends!

SAM: Really?

The don't you think the best
friend should be included?

ALEX: Oh!

Hey look an elephant!

SAM: Nice try, Alex.

ALEX: No, really!

Look!

An elephant, and an
emu, and some monkeys.

It's the JJ Land zoo!

[fireworks]

SAM: Hey!

Somebody's sh**ting at us!

Look out!

[fireworks continue]

CLOVER: Oh!

[spies crying out]

CLOVER: Quick!

Get on the ground
and take cover!

[fireworks booming]

SAM: Hey!

Those aren't explosions.

They're fireworks.

JACKSON JOHN: It's
a regular Tuesday

afternoon event, actually.

You three must be the
agents from WOOHP.

I'm Jackson John.

ALEX: Mr. John, I can't believe
we're really meeting you!

JACKSON JOHN: Call me JJ.

ALEX: Ah!

SAM: Like we couldn't tell.

Thought it's
usually the bad guys

who have the crazy costumes.

ALEX: [laughs]

SAM: That was quick
thinking the other day, JJ.

You had a narrow escape.

JACKSON JOHN: Yeah.

It was close.

I nearly had my privacy invaded.

I'm sure whoever it
was will try again.

CLOVER: Don't worry JJ.
We'll take it from here.

We'll start by searching
every inch of the ranch

to make sure it's safe.

ALEX: Shouldn't one
of us stay with JJ.

What if someone tries to take
him while none of us is around?

SAM: Here, take this earring.

It's really a
communicator, and you can

call us if you're in trouble.

JACKSON JOHN: Brilliant!

I'll be in my
aromatherapy chamber.

Make yourselves at home.

CLOVER: OK, spies.

If this bad guy is
still on the ranch,

we may as well try to lure him
out disguised as Jackson John.

[whirring]

ALEX: Think these disguises will
get the bad guy's attention?

SAM: I think they'd get
anybody's attention.

Come on.

[slurping and gulping]

Everything at the amusement
park is normal, I guess.

What about you, Clover?
[monkey screeching]

CLOVER: Other than
the fact that there's

a monkey on my shoulder,
everything's peachy.

Alex?

ALEX: All quiet at the
JJ Land train station.

Maybe I'll take a ride,
you know, to look for signs

of trouble around the estate.

Ah!

[grunts] Uh, oh!

Clover, Sam!

I just found some trouble!

SAM: Hang on, Alex!

We're on our way.

BAD GUY: Good
afternoon, Mr. John.

Now, let's try this
again, shall we?

ALEX: Ah!

BAD GUY: Now, Mr. John, how much
plastic surgery have you had?

ALEX: None!

I like myself the way I am.

BAD GUY: Odd.

And how much did you spend
on apparel, last week?

ALEX: Let's see.

I bought a really cute skirt,
and a new pair of Mary Janes.

About $80.

BAD GUY: [gasps] You're
not Jackson John!

ALEX: No!

I'm Alex, a WOOHP agent,
and two more of us

are coming to catch you!

[train blares]

SAM: He's moving too
fast for us to jump on.

CLOVER: We've got to try!

That creep is kidnapping Alex!

[grunts] Sam!

Use your bungee belt!

BAD GUY: [grunts]

CLOVER: Ah!

[screams]

SAM: [grunts] Whoa!

SAM AND CLOVER: [scream]

ALEX: Help me!

CLOVER: Oh!

That guy is in for a
major butt kicking!

Ow!

And he better not hurt Alex,
or he's really in trouble!

SAM: Huh?

Hey!

Look at this!

Y- W?

Shouldn't the uniforms in
JJ Land have a JJ on them?

CLOVER: Sam!

That is the Yes!

Way! logo.

Let's see what WOOHP
knows about this rag.

JERRY: Hello, spies.

How goes the mission?

Mr. John still safe?

CLOVER: He's fine, Jer.

But Alex has just
been kidnapped.

We think the bad guy
is connected to Yes!

Way!
Magazine.

JERRY: Yes!
Way!

Hm, let's see.
Ah!

Yes.
Here we are.

Cyril Hearsay, a former
celebrity bodyguard,

used his connections to open his
own magazine with headquarters

right in Beverly Hills.

SAM: Then I guess we
know where we need to go.

JERRY: I'll send you
the WOOHP chopper.

CLOVER: Cool!

[chopper whirring]

[beeping]

SAM AND CLOVER: [grunting]

[drill whirring]

SAM: Kiai!

Wow!

Looks like somebody
stopped the presses.

CLOVER: Hey!

Here's something weird.

It doesn't look like
printing equipment.

It looks like a chemistry set.

SAM: I think I found the
formula for whatever's

in those beakers, Clover.

It's some kind of truth serum.

CLOVER: Hey!

So that's how Yes!

Way!'s been getting all
the good celeb dirt.

Cyril just kidnaps them,
and uses his truth serum

to make them spill their guts.

If only he had some
kind of record of where

he might be holding Alex.

[button beeps]

SAM AND CLOVER: Alex!

SAM: Are you OK, Alex?

ALEX: I'm perfectly fine.

Except that Cyril gave me
a blast of his truth serum,

so I have to tell the truth.

CLOVER: Oh!

You do, do you?

Maybe you could tell us
the name of your oldest

and dearest friend?

ALEX: Sure, that would be Ollie.

SAM: Ollie?

CLOVER: Ollie?

CYRIL HEARSAY: Another shocking
true story uncovered at Yes!

Way!
magazine.

CLOVER: Cyril Hearsay?

CYRIL HEARSAY: In the flesh.

SAM: Your gossip-mongering
days are over Hearsay!

You will never use your
truth serum on anyone again.

CLOVER: Yeah!

From now on,
celebrity gossip will

be about rumors and innuendo,
just like it should be.

CYRIL HEARSAY: And just how are
you ladies going to stop me?

ALEX: Well, they're probably
catch you in their mascara

net-launchers,
break me out of here

with their drill-heel boots,
and then call for back up

with their x-powders.

SAM AND CLOVER: [gasp] Alex!

ALEX: [chuckles] Sorry guys.

CYRIL HEARSAY: Let me tell
you about the magazine

business, ladies.

It all starts with newsprint.

[sam and clover scream]

CYRIL HEARSAY: Then
you add some ink.

[ink splashes]

[sam and clover scream]

CYRIL HEARSAY: And finally,
there's the shrink wrap.

[button buzzes]

CYRIL HEARSAY: There.

All ready for delivery.

CLOVER: You better quit before
you do something you'll regret,

Cyril!
Your

CYRIL HEARSAY: Regret?

I don't think so.

In fact, now that I've met Alex,
I can eliminate the competition

by more direct means.

SAM: What are you talking about?

CYRIL HEARSAY: I'll just
use her and all her secrets

to infiltrate WOOHP,
then launch their weapons

against the other tabloids.

CLOVER: As if!

Alex will never tell
you any WOOHP secrets.

ALEX: Yes, I will.

I'm under the influence
of the truth serum.

Remember?
CYRIL HEARSAY: You see?

Alex is my new best friend.

ALEX: But Cyril, you're
not my best friend.

You're more of an enemy, really.

[cyril laughs]

SAM: Whoa!

Hey!

[clover gasps]

[machine slices]

[beeping]

SAM: We're almost there.

Quick roll backwards!

CLOVER: Can't roll any further.

Cyril's stupid magazines
are in the way!

SAM: We can't keep
this up forever!

CLOVER: Wow!

Our lives are, like, hanging
by a thread, literally.

SAM: Clover!

Can you toss that
bundle over your head?

If we can get it into the
press before us, it might jam.

CLOVER: I'll try.

[sam and clover scream]

SAM: Wow!

That was unbelievably lucky!

CLOVER: Lucky?

I think I need a pedicure.

SAM: Alex and Cyril probably
took the WOOHP chopper,

and without our x-powders
we can't contact Jerry.

CLOVER: Why don't we just
call him on the phone?

SAM: Great idea, Clover!

Um, what is WOOHP's
phone number anyway?

Uh--

CLOVER: No clue.

If only we knew
somebody with an earring

communicator and a private jet.

SAM AND CLOVER: Jackson John!

CYRIL HEARSAY: This is
the WOOHP Command Center?

ALEX: Uh-huh.

We just have to
get past security.

ALEX: Let's go.

CYRIL HEARSAY: [laughs]
Excellent work, Alex.

Now, how do I access
WOOHP's heavy weapons?

ALEX: I don't have
the foggiest idea.

CYRIL HEARSAY: Alex, you're
still under the influence

of my serum.

You have to tell the truth.

JERRY: She is telling the truth.

[alex gasps]

WOOHP agents don't
know everything

about WOOHP operations.
But I do.

ALEX: Jerry!

Am I glad to see you.

Really!

SAM: This is so embarrassing.

WOOHP agents getting our gadgets
taken away and having to call

a pop singer for a ride.

CLOVER: On the other hand,
we are riding in Jackson

John's private glass jet.

JACKSON JOHN: Oh, man.

This old beater?

I'm trading it in for the
luxury version next week.

JERRY: Hmm.

Kiai!

ALEX: Hey, Jerry, nice moves!

CYRIL HEARSAY: How
do I defeat him?

ALEX: Don't know.

I didn't even know he
could fight like that.

CYRIL HEARSAY: Ya!

JERRY: Kiai!

Kiai!

There's quite a lot you
spies don't know about me.

ALEX: Jerry!

Look out!

JERRY: Ah!

[oof!]

[cyril hearsay laughs]

[beeping]

[cyril hearsay laughs]

[jerry gasps]

CYRIL HEARSAY:
Now, Jerry, is it?

Perhaps you'd be so kind as
to tell me about the latest

in WOOHP weaponry?

JERRY: Certainly.

Press the blue button
on the console.

CYRIL HEARSAY: Hm?

[laughs]

JERRY: This is the Paparazzo.

Press the green button
on the side, please.

CYRIL HEARSAY: It sounds
like it's charging.

JERRY: It is.

Pressing the green
button a second time

will trigger a flash of light
that will stun any opponent.

CYRIL HEARSAY: You
expect me to wipe out

the competition with this toy?

JERRY: Well, of course not.

That's the tabletop version.

Press the red button, please.

This is the full-sized
version of the Paparazzo,

with a 50-megawatt
adjustable [inaudible] flash.

At full power, it can
permanently blind anyone

in a five-block radius.

CYRIL HEARSAY: It is!

It's perfect!

My rivals can't put out a
paper if they can't see.

JERRY: Simply type in the
coordinates of the target,

and hit Enter.

A countdown will let you know
when the charge is ready.

[beeping countdown]

[cyril hearsay laughs]

CLOVER: Stop the presses, Cyril.

We've got a late-breaking
story for you.

SAM: Yeah!

Bad Guy Gets Butt Kicked!

CYRIL HEARSAY: Really?

That sounds like a rumor.

Unless you can back
it up with some facts.

SAM: Kiai!

[cyril and clover grunting]

CYRIL HEARSAY: Kiai!

SAM: Uh!

ALEX: Sam!

Use that gadget on the console.

Tell Clover to close her eyes,
then press the green button!

SAM: OK.

[cyril and clover grunting]

CLOVER: Sam?

A little help here?

SAM: Clover!

Close your eyes!

CYRIL HEARSAY: Oh!

CLOVER: Nice gadget!

Does it take pictures
or something?

ALEX: No.

It stuns people.

And the giant version
is about to blind

a whole building full of
people unless you stop it.

JERRY: You can't stop it.

Once the Paparazzo is charged,
it has to be released.

I suggest you divert the weapon
from its target to somewhere

where it can't do any harm.

[buttons beeping]

SAM: I can't divert it.

The target is locked in!

And we'll never reach
the Paparazzo in time!

CLOVER: Yes, we will!

And we'll divert the flash!

Hello, Jackson?

Oh!

Better let me take
over JJ, this is going

to take some perfect timing!

Sam, give me a countdown.

SAM: Right.

Six, five, four,
three, two, one!

[expl*si*n]

CLOVER: Yeah!

Woo-hoo!

CYRIL HEARSAY: Uh--

[grunts] Ow.

Ow.

JERRY: Well done, spies!

That was the third or fourth
best job you've ever done.

CLOVER: What's that
supposed to mean?

SAM: He must be under the
influence of the truth serum.

Hey, maybe we should play
Reality or Risk with Jerry

while we've got the chance?

ALEX: He did say that there was
a lot we didn't know about him.

[alex, sam, and clover laugh]

CLOVER: What do you
say, Jer, now that you

have to tell the truth?

Even you can't counteract
the truth serum.

Can you?

JERRY: No, Clover.

I have to tell the truth
until the serum wears off.

But a good spy knows how
to avoid an interrogation.

CLOVER: Well, that's
just cheating!

ALEX: Ahem!

[chuckles] Hey guys,
what cha doing?

CLOVER: Oh, nothing!

Just doing a little light
reading with my best friend.

ALEX: Yeah.

About that.

You guys asked me the name of
my oldest and dearest friend

while I was on the truth serum.

So I had to say Ollie.

I guess it's time
I introduced you.

[squeaking]

ALEX: [giggles] I've
had him since I was two.

I can tell him anything.

But you two are my best friends.

And, honest, I'd never
choose between you.

CLOVER: Oh, Alex!

[cries]

SAM: The same goes for me!

CLOVER: Yeah!

SAM: You really
are my best friend!

CLOVER: What do you
mean, your best friend?

She's my best friend!

SAM: Are you out of your mind?

She's obviously my best friend.

CLOVER: I don't think so!

SAM: I do!

CLOVER: Nuh-uh.

She is my best friend!
SAM: No!

Mine!
CLOVER: Hello?

Are you-- You're crazy!
ALEX: I am not crazy!

You're the one's who's saying
crazy, so you're the crazy one!

CLOVER: Who wants to
have a crazy friend?

I'm not crazy!
She's my best friend!

SAM: No!
She's mine!

CLOVER: Loser.
ALEX: Come on, Ollie.

Let's get a soda.

I'm totally honest.

I mean, mostly.

Well, I thought I was until
the truth serum hit me.

But since then, the
truth just spills out.

Did you know that when
I was in fifth grade,

there was this guy, and I
had a total crush on him.

OK.

But he wasn't just some guy.

He was Clover's boyfriend!

I know it was wrong,
but I totally dug him!

And it's not like I
stole him from her.

But, I tried!

I even dressed like
her so he'd like me!

SAM: When will this truth
serum wear off already?