02x12 - First Brat

[bunniefuu]

[theme - moonbaby, "here we go"]

THEME SONG: Here we go.

We're getting on the road till
we stop, and then we'll shop.

So one, two, three now,
baby, here we go, go, go.

Here we go.

Here we go.

On a mission undercover,
and we're in control.

Here we go.

Here we go.

We're totally spies so
get on with the show.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here we go.

[dog barking]

Enjoy your stay, professor.

You're going to be locked
up for a long, long time.

We'll see about that.

[music playing]

No, no, no.

Ha, Take this, alien low-life.

Well, that's impossible.

How can I be melted when I
clearly have on my power belt?

Oh?

Good morning, Jerry old boy.

Good day, Mr. President.

Do we have a situation, sir?

Situation?

Heck no.

I just like using
the red line because

of the hands-free feature, see?

Impressive, sir.

Thanks.

Anyhow, how 'bout
you and me doing

some fly fishing this weekend?

And maybe chewing the
fat about you joining

the A-team here in Washington.

A White House
appointment, sir?

PRESIDENT [ON SCREEN]: Exactly.

[gasp]

So get your secret spy self
down here real quick-like.

Yes, sir.

Oh, just one more thing.

[music playing]

Ladies, without a
doubt, we are lean,

mean, retail shopping machines.

Yeah, we came, we saw, we
kicked sidewalk sale butt.

Strike a pose time?

We have to.

I mean, good friends, the mall--

[giggling]

This is definitely
a say cheese moment.

[camera clicks]

[laughter]

[screaming]

Bravo, ladies.

I trust your ride was pleasant.

As pleasant as being sucked
through a wind tunnel vortex

can be.

Not to mention
the vortex hair.

I'm sorry, girls.

But I needed your help on an
extremely important mission.

The president and
I are off to fish.

Off to fish?

Is that like some
kind of secret code?

No, no.

No code.

Actual fishing.

The president has invited
me to his lakeside retreat

to discuss a White
House appointment.

I'm sorry, did
I miss something?

Because I'm not
getting the connection.

You fishing, important
mission, and us?

The president has requested
that three of my top agents

oversee the safekeeping
of his daughter, Madison.

We're babysitting?

Well, if you want
to put it that way.

But this mission is
extremely important to me.

Huh?

Well, we do you hang
out at the West Wing.

And it's not like some sleep
over pillow fight thing, right?

Absolutely right.

So are you going to give
us some gadgets, or what?

Oh, yes, yes, gadgets.

For this mission we
have the padded shoulder

portable parasail, the
expandable cable bungee belt,

the friendship ring
zirconium tracker,

and numerous net grenades.

Well, if we're all equipped,
the White House awaits.

[screaming]

Perhaps you girls
should have buckled up.

And maybe we should
have called first.

[music playing]

Cool office.

It's so round.

Actually, it's oval.

You know, as in Oval Office

Well, put a rattlesnake in my
pocket and ask me for a match.

How y'all doing, Bubba?

I'm very well, sir.

Bubba?

What's a bubba?

Got me.

I'm still trying to figure
out that rattlesnake thing.

I'll take it from
here, Nesfield.



Mr. President,
I'd like you to meet

three of WOOHP's top agents,
Sam, Clover, and Alex.

Howdy, ladies.

Huh?

And this is my
daughter, Madison.

And her nanny, Mrs. Quivers.

My father told me how
you guys go around saving

the world and stuff.

I just wanted to say thank you.

Oh, sure.

Absolutely.

No biggie.

Well, ladies, I'm going
to have to steal Jerry

away while the fishing's good.

Mrs. Quivers will fill you in.

Here's Madison's
afternoon schedule,

Madison's recreation schedule,
and Madison's schedule

of schedules.
I believe that's everything.

Um, don't you want to
stick around a while?

You know, see how we do?

Sorry, it's my day off.

I'm out of here.

Well, Maddie, I
guess it's just us.

Want to start with
the lunch schedule?

Schedule?

Please, like I'm really
going to listen to a bunch

of bubble headed valley girls.

Whoa, reality check.

Did someone just replace the
cute kid with some evil twin?

And hello, we are so
not from the valley.

We're from Beverly Hills.

Whatever.

But if you want to survive
today, then follow these rules.

Don't bug me, and
maybe I won't bug you.

Get it?

Got it?

Good.

Well, I can see
how this has fun

afternoon written all over it.

Madison, you
really shouldn't be

eating ice cream before lunch.

Huh?

Fine, take it.

[laughing]

[music playing]

OK, where'd she go?

Oh, sorry.

Not!

This kid is about to catch
some serious Sam-itude.

Maybe we should cool down.

I mean, she is only 11.

OK, if this is
what 11-year-olds do,

then I'm sending my
kids to military school

right after kindergarten.

Oh, Madison, auntie Sam
wants to have a word with you.

Oops, maybe it
was the other way.

Sorry, nice papier mache.

Oh, Madison, auntie
Sam wants to have

a word with you real bad.

We just want to talk.

Please?

OK, kid.

Open up, or we're busting in.

I'm counting to three.

One, two--

Oh, sorry.

I didn't mean to
get you guys so mad.

I was just having fun.

I never get to have fun.

It's always Madison do
this, and Madison do that.

Oh, never mind.

You wouldn't understand.

I can't believe you
losers fell for that.

Psych!

Ha ha!

That little punk
just totally played us.

Ugh, she is so in trouble.

She's, like, majorly
grounded times two.

Is there a problem, girls?

Uh, what makes
you think there's

a problem Agent Nesfield?

Aggressive banging,
bedroom access being denied.

Access denied?

No, no.

We could access if we wanted to.

But, um, we just don't want to.

Yeah, because,
um, we feel Madison

needs a little alone time.

So we're going to go
make her some lunch.

See ya.

The presidential kitchen.

Let's see what's
behind door number one.

[gasp]

Huh?

OK, wasn't
expecting that at all.

Maybe we should
make some brownies.

Ooh, brownies.

Now you're talking.

I meant for Madison.

You know, as sort
of a peace offering.

Peace offering?

With that brat?

Why?

Imagine what
it's like for her.

Your whole life
scheduled, Secret Service

everywhere you go.

Even your babysitters
work for the government.

OK.

But if she pulls
one more prank, I am

giving her a brownie makeover.

Madison, open up,
we made brownies.

And we were hoping we
could, you know, start over.

Rude much.

[screaming]

Madison, are you OK?

Where is she?

President's kid
or not, if this

is another one of her stupid--

MADISON: Out here!

Bug things kidnapping her.

Help!

Here's the plan.

You guys keep the itsy bitsy
spider busy while I swoop down

and pick up Madison.

Got it.

Check.

Activate padded
shoulder parasail.

Help!

[screaming]

Help!

Someone remind me to
write my Congressman

and demand all government
buildings to padded.

Come on.

Nesfield's coming.

Quick, go to cool cover.

Girls, is there a--

- We're good.
- Nope.

Thanks for asking.

Hm.

We're too late!

No clues, no nothing.

It doesn't make sense.

Someone or something takes
the president's daughter,

but there's no ransom note.

Poor Madison.

That thing took her
by such surprise,

she didn't get to log
off from her chat room.

Hm.

Of course.

Why leave a ransom note
when you can leave--

Mr. President, I'll be brief.

If you'd like to see
your daughter again,

prisoner 34343 in Maryland's
maximum security prison

is to be brought to the top
of the Washington Monument

in exactly two hours.

Daddy, please hurry.

[gasp]

Yes, daddy.

Hurry.

Maybe we should tell
Nesfield to call the president.

And there goes Jerry's
chance for a promotion, too.

NESFIELD: Agent Nesfield here.

[gasp]

Uh, must a minute.

Girls, you can't keep
the president waiting.

Where's Madison?

Uh, uh, she's--
she's in the bathroom.



But I'll talk.

Hi, Mr. President, it's Sam.

How are the fish biting?

The fish?

sh**t, they're jumping out of
the water like fleas on a pup,

at least on my side of the boat.

So, uh, how's my little girl?

You're not getting in
any trouble I hope.

Trouble?

No, she--

She's fine.

I mean, what kind of trouble
could a cute kid like Madison

get into?

It's not like someone's going
to kidnap her for ransom, right?

What?

Nothing.

Well, better get back
to those fishies.

Buh-bye.

Sir, ground floor is
reporting a loud crash

outside the library.

Something just fell
out of the sky.

I'll be back.

We'll be right here.

Not.

Come on, we've got
to get Madison back

before Nesfield figures us out.

How do we do that?

The kidnapper wants to
trade for that prisoner.

Not a problem.

What exactly are
we looking for?

Overcoats, hats,
anything that'll

fool the kidnapper into thinking
one of us is the prisoner.

Check this out.

I don't even want to think
about that pajama party.

Come on, keep looking.

[camera clicks]

KIDNAPPER: They're here.

Let's go.

Why is it always the
top of the monument?

I mean, why can't prisoner
exchanges ever take place

in the monument gift shop?

That would be too easy.

Hold on, where's the
president's daughter?

You get the girl
on the way up,

I take my friend
here and go down.

Shall we?

[screams]

What is this?

Time for you to get busted.

[music playing]

Quick, we've got to
beat him to Madison.

Oh, great, more stairs.

That was, like, way to close.

[screaming]

Hit the deck!

You know, I remember
when babysitting

was a whole lot easier.

Tell me about it.

We just lost the baby.
SAM: Not exactly.

[screaming]

Hang in there, ladies.

Guys, do something.

I'm on it, Clover.

Grab on.

Can't.

It's moving too much.

Alex!

[screaming]

Palms out, Sam.

We're coming for you.

I stuck a friendship ring
tracker on the spooky guy

when he and I
tumbled downstairs.

We just have to follow
the blinking light.

They're heading north
over Pennsylvania Avenue.

Let's go!

This is it.

Tracker's blipping like crazy.

On three we bust in.

One, two three.

Oh my.

Mrs. Quivers?

What are you doing here?

No time for that, Clover.

We've got to get her out of here
before the kidnapper shows up.

I'm afraid it's too
late for that, my dear.

Because I am the kidnapper.

[all gasping]

Bring in the girl.

Now I understand how you
pulled off a kidnapping

from the White House so easily.

But what's the connection to
the mad scientist guy in prison?

That mad scientist guy
happens to be my husband.

Husband?

Yes, I simply don't want
the father of my twins rotting

in jail for the next 100 years.

You see, Mrs. Quivers
is really one half

of the famous Spetlander g*ng.

The counter
espionage group that

threatened world
destruction by detonating

expl*sive devices at vulnerable
earthquake fault lines

across the continents?

That's right.

We were just one
tiny microchip away

from holding the world hostage.

Hard to believe, hm?

Yeah, I'll say.

I mean, that guy's, like,
barely half your height.

My dear, love is not
measured in inches.

Aw, that is so sweet.

Unfortunately,
your interfering with

my ransom plans has
forced me to threaten

the president face-to-face.

Robby, Bobby, start
the cell walls.

[screaming]

Stop!

Don't hurt them.

Sorry, but they've
given me no choice.

But I'll--

No!

Oh, I almost
forgot, girls, thanks

for filling in for me today.

It was a great day off.

[door closes]

Great, now what?

In a minute, we're going
to be Swiss cheese.

Wait, this cell dropped down
on us from the ceiling, right?

Yeah, so in case
you haven't noticed,

it's made of really, really
heavy metal that can be lifted.

Maybe we can't lift it, but
I bet our bungee belts could.

Quick, tie your belts
around one corner.

Point the bunge hooks
for the sky light.

Ready, aim, fire!

We got it.

Cool idea, Sam.

It was bungee-rific.

Thanks, but now we've
got to figure out a way

to beat Quivers to the lake.

Maybe we could
call ahead to Jerry.

So the president can find out
how majorly bad we messed up?

Don't think so.

I think I've got an idea.

[gasp]

[music playing]

Well, Jerry old boy, looks
like you hooked yourself

a fighting, squirming
size 12 double D.

Maybe we should call it quits.

Or maybe you should
call the Maryland state

prison and free prisoner 34343.

Mrs. Quivers, I thought
you had the day off today.

What's going on?

What's going
on, Mr. President,

is the ransoming of
your precious daughter.

Call the prison, or Maddie takes
a swim class with the fishes.

I don't understand.

You don't need to understand.

All you need to do is take
out your cell phone and dial.

Now!

I'm so sorry, sir.

My agents should
have prevented this.

Listen, it's the president.

Patch me through
to warden Jenkins,

Maryland maximum
security real quick-like.

Warden, listen I need you to--

Huh?

Direct hit.

Not good.

Bring it on, Bobby,
or Bobby, or whoever.

Nice synchronized
splash, girlfriend.

Sorry, you
probably have to work

on your boating safety skills.

Ride's over, miss clingy.

Nice fly fishing, Jerry.

Yes, I'd say I just
nabbed myself the catch

of the day, Mr. President.

[music playing]

You and Madison
OK, Mr. President?

We're fitter than a
firefly on the 4th of July

thanks to the spies
and old Jerry here.

What do you say we head
back to the White House

and cook up some of those fish
you caught, Mr. President?

[laughing]

[music playing]

Thank you, Mr. President.

But you really didn't
have to do all of this.

Sorry, but if you risk
life and limb for my family,

you're getting a tip
of the old ten-gallon.

Enough said.

So I just wanted to say, you
know, I'm sorry about before.

Where I was wrong
about you guys.

You're OK.

Thanks.

You're pretty OK yourself.

You know, Mr. President, about
me coming to work for you--

I know where you're
going with this, Jerry.

You're right, stealing
you from WOOHP

would be a downright
disservice to the country.

So I accept your
formal withdrawal.

You do?

Thank you, sir.

Thank you very much.

Well, guess it's bye, y'all.

Maddie and I have to start
looking for a new nanny.

Sorry, Jer.

I know how much you
wanted that position.

But the truth is we're totally
psyched you're still our boss.

Ladies, after seeing the
three of you in action,

I'm glad I'm still
your boss, too.

Huh?

Hugs.

[theme music]