01x25 - Twisted

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Beeping)

♪ Something tells me

I’ve been dreaming ♪

♪ Of someone who was

never real ♪

♪ It’s seems I’ve changed

a thousand ways ♪

♪ I wish I looked

the way I feel ♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ah

♪ Ah

♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Braceface

Hey!

SHARON NARRATING: It was hard

to believe, but this was the

day would my life would go back

to normal.

In fact, as long as I didn’t

get hit by a bus and die a

tragic, early death, I actually

had the potential for an

amazing future.

Summer vacation was ending in a

week, and Dr. Hertz promised my

braces would be off in time for

high school.

What more could I possibly

want?

Oh, hmm.

Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.

Mmm.

What are you doing?

Well, bad news, princess.

Your wisdom teeth have shifted

things around.

A little here, a little there.

It all adds up to one thing.

What?

We’re not done.

Excuse me?

Well, a few more accessories,

along with some skilled

rewiring and you’ll be all set.

For how long?

What are we talking about here?

Oh, another year.

Two at the most.

No!

You said high school.

The start of high school.

You promised!

You need to relax, sugar.

It could be worse.

I have some patients who end up

saying "I do" in headgear.

All right, just relax.

What was he talking about?

My entire life was over!

How would I ever survive high

school now?

(Sirens wailing)

If only I had been hit by that

bus, there would be an end to

this misery.

(Sobbing)

Oh, you were such a good

patient.

All done for today, muffin.

Just so you know, I’m not

your princess, or your sugar.

Or your muffin!

I’m your paycheque, and my name

is Sharon.

(Bell dinging)

Watch out!

(Screaming)

(Groaning)

I’m okay, I’m okay.

Don’t worry.

Why should I worry?

It was all your fault in the

first place.

Nina?

What are you doing here?

I thought you were in Europe

shopping.

I was.

Now I’m doing some final

tune-ups to my hamstrings before

heading off to a luxury spa.

You might not mind, but I

wouldn’t want the masseuse to

have to touch an ounce of flab.

Yeah, that would be tragic.

Gotta run, braceface.

Is this my future?

Nina Harper: teen success

story.

Sharon Spitz: pathetic "before"

picture in a magazine makeover?

Please!

(Knocking)

Sharon?

I have a surprise for you.

We’re going to head up to Windy

Pines Lodge for a last minute

family vacation.

Windy Pines?

That old folks place that smells

like mouldy rice pudding?

You’re exaggerating.

It has a beautiful waterfront,

and your dad’s gonna be there

too.

He’s playing in the lounge.

So, we both get a chance to be

with you kids before school

starts.

But, Maria and I were gonna

hang out at the fair all week.

Oh, well.

Oh, well?

That’s what you have to say to

me?

Oh, well?

Well, what if I said "Oh well,

I’m just not going," huh?

How would that make you feel?

It really doesn’t matter how

I’d feel.

You’re going.

I’m not!

I’m not going.

I spy with my little eye

something that is...red.

Oh, your purse!

Right.

Your turn, Sharon.

Pass.

(Ping pong ball bouncing)

ADAM: All right!

Just what I expected.

The biggest thrill I’d find

here would be a game of

shuffleboard with someone’s

great uncle Milton.

Hey, hey!

(Gasping)

Look who finally made it.

Hi, Dad!

How you doing, sweetheart?

Great idea that we all hang

out together.

Well, that’s what your mom

and I thought.

We’re just so beyond all these

separate holidays.

Who gets who, when type of

thing.

Very progressive.

Helen!

Mom, Dad!

Play a round with us.

Why not?

(Sighing)

Oh, no!

What was Nina doing here?

She was supposed to be at some

fancy spa with her parents.

I want you all to meet

someone special.

Helen, you remember Ellie

Harper, don’t you?

Nina’s mom?

Of course.

Hello.

Sharon, where are you?

I want you to hear this.

I wanted my family to be the

first to know.

Since running into Ellie up here

a few days ago, I’ve felt like a

changed man.

I think I’m in love.

How wonderful for you both.

Wow, heavy!

Just don’t kiss in front of

me, okay?

Maybe shock has a way of

making you a little nutty, but

maybe I’m, just by nature, very

rude.

Either way, I couldn’t really

control what happened next.

No!

How could Nina’s mother be my

father’s new girlfriend?

If things got serious, that

would mean that Nina and I

would be...stepsisters.

Hi.

Can we go home now?

(Chuckling)

What are you talking about?

We just got here.

Are you okay?

I think I have to go to the

bathroom.

Do you need me to go with

you?

Braceface!

How are you feeling?

You’ve had so many falls the

last few days.

Are you gonna be leaving

soon?

Because I’d really like some

privacy.

Oh, go right ahead.

I don’t mind.

I’d prefer not.

Oh, come on.

Don’t be so prissy.

We’re almost related now.

We’re not related.

We’re never gonna be related,

and as soon as I finish here,

I’m gonna make sure my dad gets

his brains back.

I didn’t even know your parents

broke up.

Oh, yeah.

But it’s all for the best.

My dad was a real jerk, not like

yours, who’s so sweet.

And Josh, he’s adorable.

Adam, as we all know, is beyond

adorable.

You, of course, are the only

problem with this picture.

What are you talking about?

That picture is my family.

We all have our little

sacrifices to make.

(Groaning)

Hello?

What planet is this?

I was thinking, Adam would

never be my real brother, so

technically, we could still

date.

Honey, we’re going in for

dinner.

They were able to get a table to

fit all of us.

All of us?

To one, big, happy family.

ALL: Hear, hear!

We all know that divorce can

be painful.

Ellie, Nina, we wish you only

the best through these trying

times.

We open our arms to you both.

If Nina thought my family

wasn’t gonna see right through

her Little Ms. Innocent act,

she was sorely mistaken.

There was no way anyone was

going to let her worm her way

into their hearts, and push me

out!

(Snoring)

What, what, what?

(Repeating)

Can you believe Dad’s seeing

Ellie Harper?

I mean, don’t you think Nina’s a

complete witch?

Huh?

Nina!

I know all she wants to do is

get you to go out with her.

Go out where?

Like, date you!

She’s your age!

Exactly.

You woke me up just to tell

me that?

Well, I just thought you

should be aware of her wily

ways.

You know, Sharon, I have been

around a bit.

Just don’t forget we’re blood

related, okay?

That’s supposed to count for

something.

Hey!

Ellie’s belly is ticklish!

Stop, stop!

(Yelling)

It’s just us against Sharon

and Dad now, Nina.

Come on.

Let’s get ’em.

Ow, that hurt!

Mom!

Why didn’t you call her on

that?!

What?

(Whistle blowing)

There, does that help?

Come on, Dad.

Charge back!

You wanna play dirty?

We’ll play dirty.

Ow!

My back!

Huh?

(Whistle blowing)

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

You okay, Nina?

I hope so.

It’s just a game, Sharon.

You didn’t have to get vicious.

That was nothing!

Didn’t anyone see what she did

to me?

Sweetheart, there’s nothing

worse than a poor sport.

That’s the last thing I was.

If my dad couldn’t see what

kind of destructive, low-life

baggage Nina was, then I was

gonna have to spell it out for

him.

See?

Even if I’m losing, I’m sticking

with it here.

Just like you taught me to, Dad.

There are no poor sports in this

family.

Are you ready to take a whack

at the ball yet?

Almost.

I know you’re really into Mrs.

Harper, Dad, but I don’t think

you’ve considered what you’re

getting into.

Her daughter is really evil.

Sharon, I doubt the apple

falls that far from the tree.

What is that supposed to

mean?

It means, if the mom is

amazing, the daughter can’t be

that bad.

But she is!

She’s just putting on a big act

for you.

Sweetheart, I know it’s

upsetting to see me dating, but

it’s time I have a little

happiness and--

I want you to be happy!

It’s not that, it’s just I don’t

want you to be happy with Nina’s

mom.

If Nina ends up being my

stepsister, she’ll ruin my whole

life.

Please, Dad.

End this thing now, before it’s

too late!

Sharon!

There’s an ash on the hearth.

It could burn me!

Can’t you do anything right,

braceface?

Did you even put chocolate in

this hot chocolate?

And this pillow is prickly.

Fetch me another one this

instant!

Sharon, she does have a

point.

My pillow’s prickly too.

NINA: Yoo-hoo, Richard!

We’re ready to go.

Where are you going?

We’ve got six more holes to go.

I’m sorry, honey, but I

didn’t think it would take us

this long.

I’ve made plans with Ellie.

And Nina.

We’re just going into town to

look at souvenirs.

Why don’t you come?

NINA: Richard, the stores are

only open for four more hours!

I don’t think so.

Nina might end up wounding me

with a snow globe.

I love your sense of humour,

sweetie.

You know things are bad when

a dad chooses souvenir

shopping over hanging out with

his own daughter.

Question was, how much worse

could it get?

(Für Elise playing)

This is so unfair!

You’re going to the lounge to

hear Dad play?

And Adam’s watching wrestling in

the lobby?

So, where does that leave me?

Babysitting Josh, right?

No.

As a matter of fact, I’ve made

other arrangements.

(Knocking)

Come in!

Everybody decent?

She’s babysitting?!

Isn’t that great?

Nina volunteered this afternoon,

so you can do whatever you want,

Sharon.

But--

Hi, Adam.

I love that stretchy thing

you’re wearing.

And that ring!

Is it real gold?

You bet.

When you’re captain of the

heavyweight championship team

three years in a row, they don’t

fool around.

It’s my lucky charm.

Hi, Josh.

You ready to go ballistic

tonight?

Yeah!

Sharon never lets me do that.

What’s ballistic?

What gives you the right to

babysit my brother?

Mom, are you crazy?

But I love kids.

Since when?

Everyone at school knows that

you almost drowned your cousin

’cause she borrowed your

barrette.

It was my sterling one from

Mexico.

Girls, girl.

Please, stop this.

Don’t worry, Mom, I’ll

babysit Josh.

It might save his life.

But I cancelled all my plans.

Listen, you can both babysit

Josh, okay?

What?

I’m sure you’ll work

something out.

Night!

JOSH: Cool.

So, where do we begin, Josh?

Restricted videos or junk food

binge at the arcade?

Yeah!

Oh, no.

The rest of my family might be

totally gullible, but not Josh.

You can’t wrap him around your

finger too!

We’ll see about that.

This is cool!

Whoo!

Uh, Nina?

Can you slow down a bit?

No way!

What did you do?

That’s enough!

Come back.

I’ve got to go, Alyson.

I gotta get ready for my date

with Adam.

Uh-huh, I told you he’s crazy

about me.

Josh!

Are you okay?

NINA: Everyone’s gonna be

majorly jealous.

I’m gonna be the only girl in

ninth grade who’s dating a

senior!

Nina!

Come on, braces, give me more!

What do you mean you don’t

believe me?

I’m wearing Adam’s championship

wrestling ring.

You’re such a liar!

(Adam yelling)

Oh, I think I’m gonna be

sick.

That’s what you get for

eating three bags of barbeque

dill snacks, five sodas and one

jumbo box of liquorice.

But, Nina said it was all

good for me.

Joshie, Joshie.

When will you ever learn to

listen to your big sister?

(Groaning)

NINA: Oh, Adam.

How was wrestling?

Bogus.

Our team had it sewn up, then

some muscle mad man from Peru

came into the ring and took it

all away from them.

That’s such a shame.

I guess your ring didn’t bring

you good luck tonight.

I guess not.

I’d love to try it on.

Maybe if I wore it for awhile, I

could make it lucky for you.

Thanks, but...no thanks.

Never leaves my finger.

See?

It’s glued on, anyway.

Really?

What if we get some soap and

water and--

Nina!

Can you come in here for a

minute?

You did such a good job

corrupting Josh, he’s throwing

up all over the place.

I need help cleaning up.

Ugh, I’m really exhausted.

I think I’ll pass and call it a

night.

♪

SHARON NARRATING: Clearly,

this girl was unstoppable.

But what would my family think

of the disco queen when they

found out she had stolen Adam’s

wrestling ring?

They couldn’t ignore Nina’s

conniving, shallow self then,

could they?

(Snoring)

Bingo.

(Humming)

(Screaming)

My ring!

What’s the problem?

My ring, it’s gone!

That’s weird; it was

practically glued to your

finger.

Well, now it’s not.

I have to find it.

I love that ring!

You know what that ring means to

me?

Maybe someone took it.

What?

Well, who would do that?

Maybe someone who really

admired it and wanted to try it

on.

Someone who thought they could

get lucky.

Nina?

You think Nina took it?

Who else would want it?

But it would never fit her.

Oh, Adam.

Don’t you see?

She wouldn’t wear it.

She’d show it to all her loser

friends as proof that the two of

you went out.

It would give her total clout.

But, how did she get it?

Who knows?

Girls like her have their ways.

Hand it over, Nina.

Hand what over?

You know what I’m talking

about.

Come on, now.

Let’s not make a scene.

I don’t know what you’re

talking about.

I’m just here to nibble on a

pastry.

My championship wrestling

ring.

You took it, didn’t you?

No, of course not!

Please.

That innocent act isn’t going to

work with me, Nina.

It’s obvious my sister’s been

right about you all along.

Lies!

It’s all lies!

Search my cabin; search my

personal belongings.

You’ll never find it, because I

never took it.

Well, I think I will.

Adam!

Adam, you have to believe me!

I would never take anything from

you!

Of course, I had anticipated

this might happen.

All I had to do now was get

inside Nina’s cabin and plant

the ring.

No way, braceface.

You’re not coming anywhere near

my stuff.

You might contaminate it.

Ow!

Sharon, what are you doing?

We saw you guys rushing out

of the dining room and we were

worried.

Is everything okay?

Sharon stole Adam’s ring and

was trying to make it look like

I did it.

Right, Adam?

Uh-huh.

We caught her.

Red-handed.

But, you don’t understand.

Honey, what were you

thinking?

Are you okay, Nina?

I know you’d never do anything

like that to Sharon.

A few days ago, I thought

having braces in high school

was the worst fate ever.

Now I knew I was so, so wrong.

How was I suddenly the bad seed

in my family?

And Nina was a little angel?

Nothing, not even braces for

life could compare to this

nightmare.

(Gasping)

What are you doing here?

I work here.

We’re not at Windy Pines?

Nope, but that’s the name of

the new-age CD you were

listening to.

You must have fallen asleep for

a few minutes.

So, it was all a dream?

My nightmare was just a dream?

Looks like it.

Now, don’t forget to book your

next appointment on the way out,

princess.

Braceface.

Nina!

Here was my big chance for

redemption.

Years of t*rture, and now I

finally had something to sh**t

back with.

Four Eyes Harper.

But, you know what?

Suddenly I wasn’t in the mood.

I’m just trying them out.

They’re only for distance if I

need them, which I seriously

doubt.

Too bad, I heard glasses are

in now.

That’s it?

That’s all you have to say?

Uh-huh.

The bottom line: we all have

our stuff.

The hard part: getting a grip

on it.

If wearing braces was the worst

thing that I had to deal with

going into high school, then

let’s face it, I was pretty

lucky.

You never know, maybe I wasn’t

gonna end up being a "before"

picture.

Maybe, just maybe, I was gonna

be amazing.

♪