01x17 - The Secret

[bunniefuu]

♪

(Beeping)

♪ Something tells me

I’ve been dreaming ♪

♪ Of someone who was

never real ♪

♪ It’s seems I’ve changed

a thousand ways ♪

♪ I wish I looked

the way I feel ♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Ah

♪ Ah

♪

♪ Braceface

♪ My life gets complicated

♪ Boyfriends

♪ Don’t want to talk about it ♪

♪ Teenage

♪ I’ll work it out in the end ♪

♪ Braceface

SHARON NARRATING: Life is

weird.

Just when you think you have

everything you want, you sense

something’s missing.

I mean, now that Alden and I

were officially going out, I

should’ve been happy, and I

was.

It was just that I thought

being girlfriend and boyfriend

meant something more!

So we’re at the new Play

Stadium, going through the

haunted house thing, and I

started to get kind of freaked

out.

Don’t tell me!

You threw up all over him!

SHARON: No, I just moved in

closer, you know, to hide from

the scary stuff.

And he totally pulled away!

(Gasping)

I bet it was this pimple.

It probably grossed him out!

MARIA: Yeah, you’re right!

It’s hard to believe you can

even see from behind it, it’s so

huge!

Oh!

Relax, will you?

Brock and some other guys were

in the car behind you, right?

Yeah?

So?

So maybe Alden was a little

freaked out that you made a move

for him in front of his friends.

It wasn’t a move-move.

I know that, but maybe he

didn’t.

Do you think I was being too

aggressive for him?

Is that what you mean?

No!

But, okay, here’s another

theory: maybe Alden’s just a

gentleman, and doesn’t go for

all that stuff so soon.

What do you mean, "all that

stuff"?

We haven’t even kissed yet!

(Chuckling)

Yeah!

And it’s k*lling you!

Ugh!

Stop reminding me!

ALDEN: I swear, no one in my

house respects anyone else’s

stuff.

Today, I caught Daisy sneaking

out of my room with my new CD!

(Sniffing)

Aw, man!

Still rank!

Aw, get out of here.

I’m laying on the stick!

It’s failing you, buddy.

Big time.

Well, what else am I supposed

to do?

I told you, just don’t get

too close to anyone, especially

the chicks.

A bad reek makes them want to

puke, okay?

TEACHER: Unfortunately, not

all of you were able to get your

first choice for community

service work.

But wherever you landed, I can

assure you the experience will

broaden your horizons.

To give of yourself in whatever

capacity is a very worthwhile

act.

Excellent!

We both for the Teen Helpline!

Oh, we’re gonna be awesome!

Maybe you are.

But who wants advice from

someone as confused at me?

ALDEN: I can’t believe I got

the Teen Helpline, too.

What if I have to sit next to

her, and a call is so intense, I

start to sweat?

Maybe you can switch with

Connor.

He got Junior Fireman, too.

Hey, Connor, you think you

might wanna to the Teen Helpline

thing?

You know, instead of having

to lug all those heavy fire

hoses.

TEACHER: Absolutely no

switching.

Bummer.

See?

He’s not even into doing

volunteer work with me!

This is cool!

We’re going to really make a

difference, here.

I think I might have to be

calling the Helpline myself.

Teens talking to teens!

GIRL: Can I tell you how bad

it is?

First, he started checking the

weather station, so we could go

for a walk at the exact moment

the sun started to set.

Then, he started downloading

these corny country and western

love songs for me to listen to

in his car.

Now he’s into these

aromatherapy backrubs.

You know, vanilla-scented

candles, the works!

Wow, it sounds like he’s

really into you!

GIRL : Yeah, sure.

I used to like all this

romantic stuff when it didn’t

lead anywhere, but now it’s

obvious he only does it so I’ll

make out with him.

I’m sick of it!

My lips are chapped all the

time!

Oh, that’s too bad.

GIRL: DO you think I should

break up with him?

Because, even though we have

almost nothing in common, he

really is a sweet guy.

Did I tell you he’s a wrestler?

He’s a wrestler?

GIRL: Yeah.

And when we play-fight, he’s

always saying things like,

"Hannah, you’re so big and

strong!"

Can you hold on for a second?

Hannah?

Huh?

Huh?

(Nervous giggling)

HANNAH: Anyway, isn’t that

cute?

Cause, of course, he could flip

me over in a second.

Oops, I gotta go!

My noodles are ready.

(Dial tone sounding)

So what do you think the

problem is?

Whoa!

Hey, what’s going on here?

You’re not gonna believe

this!

The last caller said her name

was Hannah, and I’m sure it’s

Adam’s girlfriend.

She said he was a make-out

monster pretending to be Mr.

Romantic.

Really?

Oh, please.

What are the chances of her

calling, telling you her real

name, and you getting that call?

You never know!

So many things fit.

She said he was a wrestler like

Adam.

She did sound a lot like Hannah.

I mean, she was probably

disguising her voice a bit.

The point is, he’s being a perv!

Don’t you think it’s my job to

set him straight?

I mean, if Alden could control

himself, so can Adam!

I think you’re gonna need

more proof than that before you

start hounding him.

(Yawning)

SHARON: I guess I’ll see you

tonight, Alden.

For our movie date, right?

Sure.

SHARON: Why was Alden

avoiding me?

Maybe he just didn’t like me

anymore!

MARIA: But he hasn’t allowed

you in there for months!

SHARON: What did I tell you?

A total pervert!

MARIA: Eww!

How long has this been here?

(Sniffing)

Vanilla!

There was once vanilla ice cream

in here!

Okay, so?

So, Hannah said that he liked

to give her vanilla aromatherapy

backrubs!

Yeah, and?

You’re slightly useless here,

you know.

MARIA: Can we just get this

over with?

What if he comes in and catches

us?

SHARON: He’s at practice.

Aha!

A sunset!

She said he was totally into

them.

Look at this!

It’s from your dad when he

was on tour in Florida.

Right!

A month ago.

Why would he keep it this long,

huh?

ALICIA: Why would he keep

this from, what, 14 years ago?

Maybe he’s a sentimentalist.

That’s my point!

It’s all a big act to cover up

his true desires.

Exhibit A: that is a little

rude.

What about the country and

western love songs?

Everything here is hip hop, or,

or--

ADAM: Mom!

It’s Adam!

Hurry!

ANNOUNCER: It’s crazy, it’s

zany, it’s twins...

Hey.

Hey.

Hey.

Phew!

Okay, just talk normal now!

So, you looking forward to

your date with Alden tonight?

Yup.

I’m gonna try a whole new

approach: totally

nonthreatening.

I think you’re overreacting.

That passive girly thing is so

last millennium!

We’ll see!

ADAM: Yo.

Alden called while I was on

with Hannah.

Hannah?

You were talking with Hannah?

Something about he can’t make

the movie, but maybe you can do

homework over the phone.

I don’t know.

SHARON: What?

That’s not a date!

I’ve been on the phone all day!

So, he’s flaking out on you!

(Chuckling)

Okay, calm down.

This just means Alden’s

committed to academic

excellence, right?

And maybe he’s afraid that

travelling time will eat into

study time.

These are virtues.

I bet you never do that with

Hannah, just concentrate on

homework and the simple joy of

memorizing facts together.

Why would I want to do that?

Just what I thought.

ALDEN: There’s too many

people in there!

BROCK: Yeah, they work there.

Come on, Jones!

I can’t hold my breath any

longer.

Did you say you needed "extra

manly" deodorant?

But you’re mere boys!

Smell for yourself.

Well, why not?

(Sniffing)

(Shuddering)

(Crashing)

"Extra manly" won’t help that,

son.

You need a specialist.

(Dogs barking)

(Laughing)

SHARON: Okay, here they are.

The happy couple.

But are they?

Watch for signs of tension, of

Adam making the big move

whenever he can.

(Laughing)

So far, he’s thrown one snowball

at her left leg.

HANNAH: Quit it!

Quit it!

I’m getting soaked!

(Laughing)

Come here!

HANNAH: Yuck!

Get off me!

That’s disgusting!

Aw, chill, Han!

It’s just a little spit.

Do you hear that?

How much more proof do you need?

He doesn’t even care if anyone

sees him out here, pawing away

at her!

Adam, who would have known?

Ah!

Mom!

These new contact lenses are

k*lling me!

HANNAH’S MOM: I’ll be there

in a minute, honey!

I hate this!

SHARON NARRATING: Poor

Hannah.

She was in despair over my

brother’s out of control lust.

I had to help her, didn’t I?

I mean, wasn’t that my new

job?

To help people in obvious

misery?

(Doorbell ringing)

Oh!

Hi, Sharon!

Hannah!

I just feel terrible about what

you’re going through.

You do?

Uh huh, and believe me, you

don’t have to do anything you

don’t want to do.

I know!

It’s just so frustrating!

You wanna come in for a minute?

Sure!

I keep trying and trying,

and I just end up in tears.

Don’t do this to yourself.

But I really wanna make it

work!

I know you do, but Adam’s

just making things worse.

Not really.

He just says I have to be

patient and get used to it.

No way!

What a jerk!

If Adam thinks he can get away

with that kind of pressure, he’s

got something else coming, from

me!

Don’t worry, Hannah!

I’ll put him in his place!

Thanks!

I guess.

TV NARRATOR: Loons are known

for their beautiful

communication.

Often, you’ll find then in

pairs on a lake, like

soul mates.

(Loon calling)

What are you doing?

Huh?

Why are you staring at a

sunset?

I’m looking for something

good on.

The point is, you need to be

a gentleman!

That’s what girls want, you

know!

TV SALESMAN: Tight, sore

muscles?

Hard to reach with your own

hands?

Let the foot do the walking,

kneading you to bliss and

ecstasy.

What?

Hey, look at that!

It’s an electric foot that can

walk all over your back!

I could use that for after

practice!

Have you no shame?

Do you know how transparent you

are?

So, I’m a sucker for these

gadgets.

Sue me!

Gadgets?

What do they have to do with

being in a respectful

relationship?

Can you speak English,

please?

Am I ever glad that Alden

isn’t two-faced like you!

Alden?

SHARON: I had to admit, I

felt pretty good about myself.

If I could save just one caller

from suffering further torment,

then my hours on the Helpline

were worth it!

Now I just had to make sure

that Adam didn’t slip up!

ALDEN: Where are my squash

goggles?

They were right here!

Daisy!

Oh, she’s not here.

She’s at the doctor.

ALDEN: What for?

VIOLET: Her problem.

What problem?

Oh, how can you not

know about it?

Do you have a cold or

something?

Her body odour problem?

It’s unbearable!

Body odour?

Do you think this might be a

genetic disorder that runs in

our family?

Who knows?

But I hope you’ve been washing

your clothes, because Daisy’s

been borrowing them like crazy

the last few weeks.

You wouldn’t want her to leave

her mark on you.

Yes!

It’s not me!

It’s not me, it’s not me!

Woo-hoo!

(Grunting)

ADAM: So, what is this

supposed to be doing for me,

again?

I was saying that I’ve been

reading up on teens and

changing hormones.

Well, exercise is one of the

best ways for you to seek

relief!

From what?

From, you know, all that body

stress.

ADAM: "Body stress"?

Yes!

I know you’re a workout maniac,

but it obviously hasn’t been

enough to alleviate your

symptoms.

So here we are, in the great

outdoors.

Feeling better?

I didn’t feel bad in the

first place, but I’ve never seen

you do such a vigorous workout.

So, tell me again, exactly whose

hormones are you worried about?

ALDEN: Gin!

Okay, that makes ten games in a

row.

I’m done!

But it’s 5-5.

How about a tiebreaker?

Uh, do you mind if I pass?

I kind of need to sit on

something soft.

Sure.

Uh, you wanna watch a video or

something?

Yeah!

What are you in the mood for?

I don’t care.

You pick!

SHARON NARRATING: More than

anything, I wanted to watch a

mushy movie with Alden, but

then he’d think I only had one

thing on my mind.

(Sports chattering)

ALDEN: Is that your favourite

chair or something?

SHARON: No.

Oh, I just thought it might

be, because you’re sitting in

it.

You don’t like this chair?

No, it’s a nice chair and

everything.

It just doesn’t look that

comfortable.

You should try this couch, it’s

probably way better for your

back.

(Wrestlers grunting)

You know, I thought you’d pick

something scary.

Would you want Adam to put

you in a headlock?

(Giggling)

Uh, there was something

prickly on that cushion.

(Clearing throat)

(Grunting)

Oh!

Uh...

Oh, sorry.

ADAM: Uh huh!

(Laughing)

So, Sharon, I guess you didn’t

get enough exercise today, huh?

Uh, I don’t know what you’re

talking about.

We were just practicing some of

your wrestling moves!

Uh huh!

(Laughing)

(Sighing)

(Giggling)

Sometimes, the phones can be

quiet like this.

That’s when you take a break.

(Phone ringing)

Teens talking to teens!

What can I do for you?

Uh huh.

Well, sure, I have time.

sh**t!

(Phone ringing)

Teens talking to teens, may I

help you?

SHARON: Yes, in private!

ALDEN: Uh huh.

Well, let me give you a

number to call for that.

And then he just lunged at

you?

And I lunged back!

(Door knocking)

Just a minute!

I don’t get it.

What changed?

Maybe Jupiter was in his Sun,

and your moon was in Mars, and--

I don’t know!

What difference does it make?

(Humming)

(Giggling)

Could you be any more goofy?

(Door knocking)

ALDEN: Uh, are you done in

there?

I need to use the facilities.

(Giggling)

SHARON: Do you think he heard

anything?

We’re talking potential

national emergency, here!

(Giggling)

You’re telling me!

Uh huh.

I’m listening.

Go on!

BOY #1: So then, she invites

me to this dance and ends up

dancing with everyone else but

me the whole night.

Is this some kind of cruel joke?

How am I supposed to handle

this?

Should I ignore her or ask her

out again?

I don’t want to look like an

idiot if she hates my guts!

So, she’s my best friend and

everything, but she totally

likes the same guy I like, but

won’t admit it.

On top of that, she’s got some

weird skin problems, so I feel

bad for her, and I don’t want to

make her life any worse by

getting mad at her.

BOY #2: We haven’t even

kissed yet, or anything, but I’m

having these fantasies about

living on her porch in a pup

tent or something, just so I can

be close to her.

Is that normal?

I wouldn’t try to be a leech or

anything.

I could help her family with

stuff around the house!

SHARON: Obviously, I wasn’t

the only teen who had

relationship problems.

Was this our collective

romantic destiny?

To be totally torn apart one

week and dancing on toilet

seats the next?

(Phone ringing)

Teens talking to teens!

GIRL: Hi, I just wanted to

let you know that someone there

really helped me last week.

Is this Hannah?

GIRL: Uh, yeah.

Were you the teen helping me?

Yes, I was!

Did everything work out?

Is your boyfriend under control?

GIRL: Can you hold on?

I have call waiting.

(Phone beeping)

(Electricity crackling)

Yeah, this is Julie.

No, Mom’s out, Nana.

Okay, I’ll tell her.

Julie?

JULIE: Hello?

(Dial tone sounding)

Maria!

I’ve made a terrible mistake!

So Adam was innocent the

whole time!

Does he have any idea what

you were thinking about him?

I don’t know.

I can’t really remember what I

said to him.

But so much evidence seemed to

point to him as the caller’s

boyfriend.

You have to admit, though,

the vanilla ice cream thing was

a bit of a stretch.

And what about the country and

western thing?

You never found proof of that!

You’re right.

You’re totally right!

I feel terrible!

I was really coming down hard on

him.

Do you think you messed him

up with Hannah?

I don’t know!

What was I thinking?

My brother would never act that

way with his girlfriend!

(Horn honking)

(Country music playing)

Hey!

You two chicks need a lift?

(Laughing)

What’s with them?

Can you turn it to another

station, Hannah?

That country and western stuff

always makes me want to hurl.

HANNAH: Me, too!

(Laughing)

No!

Yes!

It was him!

She was the caller!

Oh, please!

Do we have to think about this

all over again?

I don’t have the energy!

I really don’t!

Good, cause I couldn’t take

it!

Me, either!

(Giggling)

(Screaming)

(Thudding)

(Giggling)

♪