01x07 - Written in Blood

[bunniefuu]

You are missing one.

You are missing two.

You are missing four.

What the hell?
Where are your b*ll*ts?

Wow, sorry, commander.

Do you know that "f*ck on readiness"
can affect your leave?

Listen, commander,
when I was in a tent it was full,

they probably fell on the way.


What are you, Ami and Tammy?

No, commander?

Take mine.

Sorry, commander,

but now you are in "f*ck on readiness".

Okay, I'll report this to my pillow.

Canteen check.

Let's say I didn't ask.

Training on standing guard.
What did you come to do here?

To maintain the security of the base.

There are four posts at the base, one patrol.
At each post there are two guards.

Suspect arrest procedure:
"Stop, stop, or I'll sh**t."

Stop and identify, stop or sh**t.

There is a problem,
you call the operations room.

What is allowed to do while on guard duty?
Nothing.

What should not be done in guard?
Everything.

What is all, commander?

What is forbidden to do on guard duty?
Everything.

Do not sit, do not drink,
do not eat, do not read,

do not smoke, do not use your phone,
nothing.

So what do we do for four hours?

Don't know. Talking.

Maybe even look outside from time
to time to see if a t*rror1st is coming.

That would be nice.

Come on, follow me.

Imagine it.
Yom Kippur, everyone is going to pray,

silence throughout the country.

Do you imagine it?
-Yes.

Suddenly alarms!

Wow! What's going on here?
What's going on here?

Why are there any alarms
in the middle of Yom Kippur? - Why?

Because the f*cking Syrians are on the fence.

Then one tank alone,
goes to the Golan Heights.

He is not stopped, he is not afraid.

He is there in front of all the Syrian tanks
and calls "Shema Israel".

It was your grandfather?
-No. It was Zvika. Wait.

So they sh**t him and sh**t him
and sh**t him

and suddenly another tank
comes out of nowhere

and it destroys all Syrian tanks
one by one.

That was Powerful Leonard.

Who is Leonard?
-It's my grandfather.

But you said that everyone calls him
Powerful Zvika.

I know. History is sh*t.

Because Powerful Leonard seems to sound
less Zionist than Powerful Zvika.

Anyway, that's why I made Aliyah.

And you?
-What?

Why did you make Aliyah?

I was born in the country.

Oh, cool.

Have you heard that?
-No.

I have heard something for sure.

What? I didn't hear anything.
Come on, come, let's continue.

Tell me, has your entire mind been erased?

Tut, you heard the commander.

It's all on us.
All the security of the base.

What if there is
some t*rror1st next to the fence?

Alyssa!

Alyssa!

Alyssa!
I'm not waiting for you, you hear?

Ya daughter of a prost*tute,
your mother sucks!

I hope you'll have herpes in your a*s!
What are you doing?

You're scared to death.
I told you, there's nothing there.

I thought you had more ba*ls
here in Israel.

Alyssa...

What?

What are you called, sweety?
-Shira.

Beautiful name. Shira.
-Shira.

Are you ready to stop singing?

These are new melodies I learned,
by Baal HaSulam.

Very beautiful.
Can you stop?

Sure. With great love.

sure. With a big organ.

Can I help you somehow?

Do you know you came to me
in a dream yesterday?

Don't you want to know
what I dreamed of about you?

Not at all, no.
-Why are you like that?

Sorry, I just don't believe
these things, okay?

What things?

I already got you with energy and God
and all this sh*t.

All is cool, let each one believe
what is best for her.

It just doesn't suit me, okay?

Let's not involve the Holy One, okay?

I'm talking to you
about something much simpler,

about energies, about frequencies.

Well listen to me well now.

Let's finish this guard,
say goodbye and that's it.

I don't feel like fighting today,
I really don't have the energy.

Okay.

Everything with love, sweety.

Only with love.

"A Song of Praises. Out of the depths
I have called upon you, O Lord.

“The Lord heard in my voice.

“Let your ears be attentive
to the voice of my supplications.

"If the Lord should mark iniquities,
who could stand?

"For with you there is forgiveness
for the sake of your fear,

"I waited for the Lord, my soul did wait,
and in his word I was comforted."

"My soul for God...

"Here, neither rest nor sleep guard of Israel,
the Lord your God has taken to your right...

"I hoped the Lord, hoped my soul
and I was applied.

"My soul is preserved in the morning,
keeping in the morning.

"Israel will begin to the Lord that with the Lord
the grace and a lot of it is redeemed."

Further down.

Yes, down.

A little left.

Here, here, here.

Sorry?

Yo, this is excellent.
-Sorry?

Is that good?
-Yes.

Do you hear me?

Wow, well, what does she want?

She'll tell some commander,
tell you're here.

It was good there, though?

Come, come a little left.
Wow.

Well, I know you hear me, come on!

Hello!

Well, stop.

What happened?
-I can't concentrate like this.

Okay, I know
I have something else to learn.

I told you there is a disturbing factor here.

This is not a quick thing,
this needs concentration.

Sorry?

Hello?

Well, let's not end it badly.
-Hello!

What is there? What do you want?
You ate my sh*t!

No, it's not important,
it's not important.

Well, what? We're already here.

Oh, no, I don't want to interfere.

You already did it.

I just have a slightly Ret*rded question.

Well?

Do you know how long it takes for a tampon
to break down inside the body?

But I told you a hundred f*cking times.

That it was a f*cking flying alien robot,
What don't you understand?

Listen, you hear?
It was something very scary.

It was like an armed bat.

Okay, I wrote, an armed bat, okay.

You can continue with the patrol.

What did I "write"?
Don't you come here to check?

No, it's 2 AM now.

Jesus.

Mister operations room,
we do not move

and we do not continue the patrol

until you don't get here
to do your job.

Hello? Operations room?

You will change to 76.10.

What did he say?
Ops room? You hear?

You will change to 76.10.

Okay.

Without panic, but what you've seen now

This is highly likelihood of Iranian drone.

Probably hanging around here,
looking for information,

there are already some testimonies
of soldiers who saw it in the field.

That's why I changed you to another frequency,
I didn't want all the soldiers to be alarmed.

Iranians?

Yes. In short.
You should continue with patrol

until you catch it.

Do you need "us" to catch it?

Yes, yes. Yes, it's not important,
the main thing that you are all time on patrol.

Also tell those who come after you.

Okay?

Okay.

Roger that.

What do you think you do ?
Are you crazy?

Sorry, Sorry.
It's all with love.

That's harassment, do you know that?
-No, no, not that way.

I just had to know.
-What should you know?

I dreamed...

that a flower come out
of your stomach..

Okay.

No, you don't understand.
It means something about your girl.

Which girl?

The girl you will have.

No, you're not real,
you are delusional.

Who said I even wanted children?

And why do you come to preach to me
as if you were my mother?

Say...

Do you know my mother?
-Why should I know your mother?

She is a renowned Kabbalist
and energy healer,

and she gave me some of her gift.

Okay.
-Anyway,

It is my duty to inform you
that such a dream symbolizes

that your child may go
before her time

I'm really sorry to tell you this now.

Listen and listen to me well.

You're not my mom and
you won't be involved in my life

and don't tell me what to do.

I'm done with this sh*t,

only I decide on myself, just me.
Did you understand me?

The Iranians are not just enemies,

they are sophisticated enemies,
with technology.

My dad always tells me:
Alyssa,

when the Iranians will finally decide
to f*ck the world

I'll make Aliyah and I'll come
to you to Israel.

Wait. Stop.
-What is there?

Have you heard that?

I hear it.

I'm not going in there.

But the operations room
asked us to catch him.

Listen, buddy, I'm glad you're passionate
about your trip to Israel, really,

but I'm nor catching
all the Iranians by myself,

I have enough with my own sh*t, okay?

Do you leave me alone?

But I am your sister in arms.

Ok, so,

if something happens,
shout loud enough and I'll come.

Okay?

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow
of death, I will not be afraid, for you are with me."

Hey as*h*le, it's me,

Lenny's granddaughter.

What do you mean you can't find it?

I don't know, I think I lost it.

How did you lose, dear?
-I don't know,

It's the first time I put this thing,

I don't exactly know where I put it.

I also do not usually use them.
No one at home uses them,

I just ran out of pads
and no one had, so I..

Okay. Put your hand in
and take it out.

What to put in?
Where to put in?

What? You never touched there?

Well, how long have you had it inside,
you crazy girl?

Oh, not long.

About three days.

Do you have a tampon in your body
for three days?

Operations room, operations room, do you copy?
-What do you do, you crazy?

Turn it off!
-You have to see a doctor.

No! Tell me, you think
I can let the doctor

put his hands inside my...

Do you want me to shove my hands there?

I can't believe it. It turns you on.
-What?

You're getting wet, I can see you.

Wet from what?
From the Cocoloco puritan down there?

I know you are turned on
by damsels in distress.

Dear, this should come out.

This is a not swallowing gum.
You can die from it.

Well, um...

Sorry to bother you,
I'll be fine, thanks.

How will you manage?

In the name of God,
we will do it and succeed.

Veronica?

There.

Are you Veronica?
-Yes, honey. How can I help you?

It's quite a bit of fate that you're here.
They told me but I didn't believe it.

What sweet.

You are Margalit's daughter, right?

Right.
-Wow! I can't believe it.

Do you know who is her mother?

Listen, tell your mother
that her seminar in "YouTube"

changed my mother's life.
-Wonderful.

How can I help you, honey?

So... there's something
I need really help with.

Ah-ah.

I have a boyfriend. A partner.
He has some kind of interest...

he has a friend at the base and...

I don't know.
Something feels wrong there.

Okay.

So I thought you might do some...

opening fate or something,

so I will know if I'm just imagining things.

You are sweet but
I just don't do things like that.

But what, you are Margalit's daughter.

So it's not a problem for you to do
some kind of inquiry, something small.

Sorry, opening fate is more of my mother.

Veronica, listen...

I just can't sleep at night with all these thoughts, do you understand?

I see them all the time
together at the base.

Do you know that?

That you feel like you have
some kind of bitterness in your heart?

Okay. I can try,
but without promises.

Yes, of course, of course.
Thank you.

Come, sit here on the bench.

It's just a pity I don't have a bkhor here.
It's a mixture of stones that are burned,

it cleanses your energies.
It's easier to read that way.

Read how it is.
-Okay...

Put your hands on your heart.

You son of a b*tch!
m*therf*cker!

Come here!

“Welcome to the IDF. b*tch ".

Well, what did you see?

Sorry, I have no clear reading.

How you have no clear reading?

I've been half an hour here.

I tried everything. Sorry.

Sometimes we send a question to the universe
and it does not see appropriate to answer.

You little wh*re.

I'm sorry, I understand you are disappointed.
-Disappointed?

I sit on the bench for an hour, freezing.
Disappointed?

Shut up,
I'm not paying for this sh*t.

I didn't ask.
-f*cking Margalit's daughter.

Phooey! disgusting,
you should be ashamed.

You should have only good energies.
-f*ck your good energies!

And go learn an urgent profession, buddy,

because what your mother has
has not passed on to you.

"A song for virtues, from the depths
I read the Lord.

“The Lord heard in my voice.

“You will be attentive
to the voice of my pleas.

"If the wrongs will preserve
the Lord who will stand.

“Because your people
are sorry for the sake of a grave,

"I hoped the Lord, hoped my soul
and I was applied.

"My soul is preserved in the morning,
keeping in the morning.

"Israel will begin to the Lord that with the Lord
the grace and a lot of it is redeemed."

Don't help her,
we're in the middle of a conversation.

Are you Ret*rded? It's dangerous.
-I don't care.

If you take that tampon out of her,
it's over between us. Anya.

Enough, stop, dear.

Take off your pants.
-What?

Enter the bush,
take off pants,

I'll make you a "tutorial".
-No, I don't need.

Come on, girl.
To the bush.

So?

Now take two fingers...
-Okay.

Descend along the vag*na.

Down, down, further down.

Ugh...
-What ugh, what?

The Creator put it there, didn't he?

Yes.

Good.

Now you move over your cl*t.

You know where your cl*t, yes?

Hem...

I think.
-Good.

Pass it, you've come to the hole.
-Okay.

Now you go inside.

No, no, I can't!

Come inside.
-No, no way! No way!

Sorry, I can't.
-What can't? What?

No, I can't, really, sorry,
thank you for everything,

but I can't, I can't!
-Listen!

What's your name?

Oshrit.

Oshrit, believe me,
I really understand.

I know what it is.

If you are like me, you think no one
will never want to approach there, right?

What we learned is that this is
as disgusting and stinky as tuna.

But Oshrit, it doesn't smell
like a tuna at all!

This is your f*cking body.

It's not some shuttle,
it's the vulva that God gave you.

And besides,

know that if you meet the right person

It can even be...
Like, like...

wonderful.
Do you understand me?

So get into the bush now!

Okay.

Okay.

I found!
I found! I found! I found!

His name will be praised!
Thanks to Holy Blessed is!

Thanks to Holy Blessed is!
Mommale!

Wait.

Wait, what to do now?

Pull it tight.
-Mommale! Mommale! Mommale! Mommale!

What, how to pull?
But how to pull?

I'm scared!
-Hold on tight, don't let it get away, you idiot!

No. I can't!
I can't!

Keep going, we tell you!

God bless!

It's out?

Well, it's out or not?
What's going on there?

It's out, it came out.

Well done, dear.

It's outside!

Do you want?

She didn't have to talk to you like that,
she didn't turn out well.

Just a beast.

Thanks.

Would it be so hard to tell her
that they would live happily ever after?

Why would I tell her such a thing?

Because that's what she wanted to hear.

What could I do
if I saw nothing.

What, it would hurt
your professional "integrity"?

Think of me what you want,
but I'm not a liar.

And it's not my professional "integrity"
because it's not my profession,

it is my mother's profession.

Okay, you're still studying,
don't be hard with yourself.

I will never be Margalit.

Margalit, there's only one.

Okay. Motherhood is a crazy thing.
It's a known fact.

A known fact.

Say, did you really dream about me?
-Yes.

And you said
there was something to do with it?

Yes.

And if I want...

"Just in case", to cut the losses,
what is it about?

It's okay, really,
I don't need mercy.

What about pity, silly?

Simply if one day
I decide to have a daughter,

do I need her to hate me because
I didn't treat some defect in her heart?

That way, she will hate me,
you know.

I'm sure she won't hate you.

Hate, hate, and blame me
for everything that happened to her.

A hard word, hate.
Lots of negative energy around it.

So I close my eyes?

Put your hands on the heart.

Well, what? What's up?
You crazy rabbi, what happened?

We caught it.
-Who, dear?

The Iranian drone.

The Iranian what?

What, are you guys crazy?
Did you take this seriously?

We are the IDF,
we are protecting the state.

"We are the IDF"...

Well, let's see what we have here.

Oh, oh, oh.

Mama.

Dumb, now he will return to Iran!

What Iran, you idiots?

These things have a maximum range
to Pardes Hanna

Okay, do you hear?
If anyone asks, you haven't met me,

We weren't here,
we never talked.

As far as I'm concerned,
all you did here is the Iranians.

Yes?