01x07 - One Child in Heaven, One in Jail

[bunniefuu]

I'm nervous about
reliving the pain,

I'm nervous about...

maybe this will trigger
a memory that I had suppressed.

But I feel it's important for
the world to know my story.

This is a picture of Reyna
and Nacho on my mom's porch

in front of the house.

It's one of
my favorite pictures.

Her smile and the way
he's, like, leaning into her.

Honestly, when I look at this
photo, I wish I could go back

to this time.

I lost two kids on
July 14, 2017.

The m*rder*r is
my son, Ignacio.

And the victim is
my daughter, Reyna.

She went to heaven
and he went to prison.

It's a pain that...

and honestly, I don't wish
on anybody.

Oh, God,
where did you get that?

[intense music plays]

This is the day he got arrested
for m*rder.

I get the chills.

It's giving me chills
right now.

Those dark eyes.

Those soulless eyes.

That smile's gone.

That life is gone.
That spark is gone.

At that point, I hated him.

At that point,
I wanted him to suffer.

[The Paper Chase's "What's So
Amazing About Grace?" plays]

[static crackling]

[strings continue
playing sinister tune]

-[knock at door]
-[creaking]

-[banging on door]
-[creaking]

-[banging on door]
-[creaking]

[fire crackling]

[banging on door]

[sinister chord strikes]

[Sonia]
Being the parent of
a m*rder*r is...

It's not easy.

It can be lonely as well,
because people

just don't understand.

Anytime your child is
sentenced to prison,

it's not only your child.
That's the way I see it.

It's not only your child,
it's you too.

You're sentenced as well.

I'm sure that there was
something that I didn't do.

I'm sure that there was
something more

I could have done.

Something.

If you ask me if
I'm a good or bad mom,

I will tell you
I'm a bad mom.

It's very frustrating because...

when you have your --
when your baby's born,

you say, "I'm gonna
give you the world."

And when you don't,
and when you can't,

you feel like a failure.

How was I not able
to help him?

If I knew he was going through
all this, why didn't I protect

Reyna better?

It's a pain that...

that is beyond anything.

Because your child has taken
your other child's life.

This is a picture of Ignacio.

And that was his typical smile
all the time.

This kid smiled at a drop of
a dime, I swear.

These are the little
chipmunk cheeks.
[laughs]

When Ignacio was born, as soon
as I saw his little face,

I just -- I just fell in love
with him and I thought he was

the most perfect little baby in
the whole world.

And I did think to myself,

I'm gonna give
you everything you want.

You are not gonna know
the word no.

He had the chunkiest little
face, and when he would smile,

his little cheeks
would just pop up

and he was my little chipmunk.

I still say I have three kids.

And I still say that
she's 15.

When they asked me,
if they asked me their ages,

she's 15, and Rodrigo's

Both Ignacio and Rodrigo loved
their baby sister, Reyna.

Yeah, they would take care of
her, but more Ignacio.

And when she would cry,
he would run,

"Mama, Little Sugars is crying."

He called her Little Sugahs,
but it was supposed to be

Little Sugar, but it was
his Little Sugahs, and she was

crying and she wanted a bottle
or Little Sugahs was getting

into something, but he was very
protective of her.

I miss those days.
I do miss those days.

Our family was always together.

Those were some of
the best years

of my life with me,
my husband, my kids.

If I could bottle up
those years

and just relive them,

I would.

Because...

you still see him as
your little boy.

You still see him as that
little boy who opened up

to you, who used to
stick up for you,

who his mom was
everything to him.

Maybe wishful thinking,
hoping that he wasn't

capable of that.

When my mom passed away is when
I first noticed something

different in his behavior.
At the memorial...

we're all devastated, we're all
broken, we're all crying.

And he is just sitting,
just stoic.

No emotion on his face.

Not one tear rolled
down his eye.

Didn't talk.

I remember he was wearing
a black hoodie

and he had the hoodie on,
and he just sat there.

I did find that unusual that
he didn't show any emotion,

not only because
my other two kids were

completely devastated,
but because of

the bond that
he and my mom had.

My mom was a huge part in
helping raise him,

and she was a constant
in Nacho's life.

And when she passed away
and there was no emotion

in him, I did find that...

unbelievable.
I couldn't understand why.

It was concerning to me to see
him like that.

And he showed me nothing.

Nothing.

That was the beginning of
something way, way more.

That was the moment
where he changed.

I get home
and Ignacio's already handcuffed

and in one of the squad cars.

And Rigo is in the house.

The house is a mess,
destroyed, broken windows,

broken TV.
There was a hole in the wall.

I found out that Rigo had came
home and he saw that the house

was like, destroyed.

And he asked Nacho in not such
a nice way, what he had done.

And Nacho...

replied in not a very nice way,
and they started getting into

a physical fight.

That afternoon was pretty bad.

I never found out what --

what made him do that.

I have no idea
what made him do that.

[unsettling tones play]

I noticed that his sleeping
habits had flipped.

He was sleeping...

during the day and was up
all night.

I would tell him that it was
time to go to bed.

"I want you to go in your room."

And he would,

but as soon as I was gone,
he was creeping up again

at night, getting up, and...

And then if I happened to get
up to go check on him,

he'd run back in his room.

But you could hear him in
the living room or the kitchen,

so I knew he was awake again.

And then we weren't sleeping.

We'd be sleeping with
one eye open and one eye closed.

It was weird to all of us

because we had
never seen him like that.

Sometimes I was even scared to,
like, ask him,

what are you doing?

I do look back on that moment,
and I wish that I would have.

But it wasn't him anymore.

You could tell in his face,
you could tell in his eyes that

it wasn't him anymore.

It wasn't the Ignacio,
the Nacho that I knew.

[Sonia]
Ignacio loved baseball.

Baseball was life for Ignacio.

Baseball was everything.

When Ignacio was about seven
or eight years old,

his little team didn't have
a coach, so I stepped up

and I started coaching.

And this is where --
this is one of the fields where

we used to practice.

Reyna thought Ignacio was
the best baseball player

in the world.

If she wasn't as loud as me,
she was louder.

She loved it.
And she made sure

everybody knew that Nacho
was her brother.

Ignacio was chosen to play
varsity in high school

as a freshman.

And of course, we were very
proud of him.

And I would have liked to have
seen him at least

in the minors.
I honestly did.

He was that good.

I was
so proud of him.

They're happy but sad memories
at the same time.

Ignacio had made up
his mind that

he wasn't gonna go
to school.

And when I found out,
I tried talking,

my husband tried talking...

but you can only talk so much.

I could not have a conversation
with him anymore.

It got to the point where...

he would just
shrug his shoulders.

How do I force him to go
to school?

I -- I don't know.
I didn't know.

So he didn't have my blessing,

but I didn't do anything to
stop it.

I wasn't OK with it.

I wasn't happy with it.

And he said he just,

it didn't matter to him.

I feel like it's just a wasted
life, a waste talent.

That is one of
the hardest things.

That's one of the things
that hurts me.

Because I knew how
smart he was.

And again, I feel like
I'm partly responsible for that.

[voice straining]
For him not...

not getting there.

One afternoon, Ignacio and I
had got into an argument.

He wanted me to give him money,

and I refused.

Well, he...

threw a little fit,
threw a tantrum.

He had a, like a 32-ounce,

his hand,

and it was full.

And mind you, he used to play
baseball and used to pitch.

He grabbed that bottle

and flung it right at me.

And he hit me hard.
It hit me hard.

I had a big red welt
on the side.

And I felt very sad.

And I told Reyna, I said,
"Call the police.

I'm not taking this from him.
Call the police."

She was afraid of him.
I knew she was afraid of him.

She was.
She had told me.

And she didn't like to be alone
in the house with him.

So he got arrested
and released the next day.

And he came home.

There was no apology.

And no,
charges were not pressed.

Dad wanted to have him in jail
and kept there

and stay there.
Whereas me, Mom,

the heart of a mother,

protect your kid.
And no, no, he's my baby.

I feel like a failure
because I feel like

he should know better.

And I feel like it was my job
to make sure he knew

and not to take that route.

That's your job as a parent.

And I didn't do
something right with him.

At times, I wanted to
shake him, and...

and yell at him and tell that
person to give me my son back.

There was one time where
it was in the morning

and I was on my way
to work

and I was gonna leave
and he was up,

he hadn't slept,
and I was gonna leave,

and I told him that I was
leaving, to please,

let's make
this a good day.

And he looked at me.

He looked at me like
he hated me.

And he said to me,

"I hope you get
in a car accident.

I hope a diesel hits you
and you get in a car accident."

And I had to go to work.

It hurts because...

you know, as a mom,
you know who he was,

how he was so lovable,
the little chipmunk with

the little cheeks
and the big smile.

His mom was everything.

And then to wish something like
that or tell you

something like that.

And I cried all the way
to work.

[sniffling]

And I cried and I asked
God why?

And I asked God to help me

because I knew
that wasn't my son.

[Sonia]
So, this...

little thing here is a...

is this little throw blanket
that I made.

I made it myself.
I didn't know where to start.

I didn't know what
I was gonna do.

But I had all her shirts...

and I knew I couldn't
get rid of them

or give them away.

So I decided to make a blanket.

But when I have it,
I feel like she's with me.

I feel like I'm hugging her.

I mean, it's not as good as
her, obviously, but her shirts

being close to me

give me comfort.

And I still have one shirt that
I've never washed

because I want her smell
on it still.

Sometimes I'll get that smell,
and I'm afraid that the smell

is gonna go away one day.

This picture here is Nacho.

Think he might have been
a freshman here.

And he was still good.

He's wearing a rosary
on his neck.

He was raised Catholic.

We didn't go to church
faithfully, but we did go.

He was baptized.

Hm.

That gets me thinking.

I talked about how
he had told me

he had sold his soul
to the devil,

but in this picture
he's wearing a rosary.

One night I had come out
of my room

and as I got to the end of
the hallway,

I saw him standing
in front of the snowy TV,

the snowy screen on the TV.

And he's standing there with
his arms crossed,

looking at the snow...

at no picture.

And I kind of just stopped
and looked over at him.

At that time, I don't think
it was drugs.

He was completely gone.

Like, his mental health
was gone.

At that point, I thought, OK,

my son is possessed.

Maybe that is some
kind of evil...

I don't know.

Those are the thoughts that
were going through my head.

I was even scared to ask him,
what are you doing?

He just kind of looked at me.

He told me that he had sold
his soul to the Devil.

I was speechless.

It was scary.

It was scary because I don't
believe you should be playing

with that stuff.
I believe that once you...

you even have an idea
of that stuff,

that you're asking for evil

to come into your life.

I do believe you embrace
the darkness and you invite it

to come into your life.

And that's when
bad things happen.

And who knows, maybe,

I don't know, maybe now that
I say it, I think about that.

Maybe that's when evil came
into our life.

And it's just hitting me now,
now that we're talking

about it, that maybe...

that was something that had to
do with why he did what he did.

[producer] Really?

-Just now?
-Just now.

Just -- just kind of exploring,
answering your questions.

It's starting to hit me that,
oh, because he said that

he sold his soul to the Devil,

he opened that realm,
that window,

and that was the evil
that came in.

I'm, uh...

[sharp inhale]

Right now, I...

kind of want to scream.

I feel...

I feel this weight on me,
and I kind of want to just

get up and scream.

It's what
I'm feeling right now.

It's just kind of
hitting me, like...

Maybe that's what happened.

I hadn't put two and two
together until now,

right now, this moment.

And it's...

And my chest hurts.

And I kind of want to
pull out my hair.

And I want to punch something.

And I want to scream.

And I'm trying
real hard to just...

breathe.

Yeah.

So pretty much like all
the other times

he got arrested,
which I think was

three times maybe,
he was always released

the next day.

And I picked him up once.

And that was the time where
I told him that

he couldn't come home because
we couldn't take it anymore.

And I told him to
get out of my car.

I was gonna leave him at
the homeless shelter.

And I told him
to get out of my car.

And he looked at me.

But he was --
he was smiling.

But he looked at me like,
"Are you serious?"

And I told him,
"Get out of my car."

And he got out of my car, and...

he walked around
towards the back.

And I'm looking in
my rearview mirror.

And my heart is breaking.

I just couldn't leave him
there, just not knowing what

would happen to him.
I couldn't...

I couldn't live with myself,

even after all that.

And I rolled down my window,

and I told him to get back in
my car, damn it,

because I couldn't leave
him there.

So he got back in the car,
and I took him home.

Kicking my son out of the house
was never an option.

It's because he is my son.

And my mom would have never
done that with us.

My mom didn't teach us to be
that way,

and I don't believe in
that either.

And he's my son.
I cannot go to bed at night

not knowing where my son is
or what he's going through.

Has he eaten?
Is he OK?

Is he alive?
Is he hurt?

So that was not an option
for me.

The whole time, the kids were,
like, so uncomfortable.

They were not happy that
he was there.

Shortly after that,
Reyna had a dream

that Ignacio had k*lled me,
and she told me about it.

And I...

I didn't...

I didn't shrug it off,
but I assured her that

it would never happen.

She was convinced that he was
gonna do something to me.

And because it was me and it
wasn't her...

I didn't feel an urgency to do
anything about it.

I feel guilty that I didn't
listen to her.

This picture is of
my baby girl.

My Reyna.

She looks a lot like me.

We went to Hawaii to celebrate
her 15th birthday.

In this picture,
she's sitting on a boat.

We're getting ready to go
out to the ocean

to go swim with the turtles.

Oh, my gosh.
It was so much fun.

I mean, it was...

something that we did once
and something to experience.

I'm glad we did it.

She wanted to go back,
definitely wanted to go back,

and I did too.

Thankfully, I didn't make that
promise to her.

[reporter]
It's something you never
expect to hear.

Ignacio Estrada charged with
k*lling his only sister

last Friday, sh**ting her inside
the Phoenix home they shared.

Police found her body inside
her bedroom and her brother

with the g*n still
in his hands.

[Sonia]
The day I left work,
I'm driving.

I feel like something's wrong.

I pull up to the front of
my house.

I jump out of the car
and I hear moaning.

I go into the living room
and right where you walk into

my living room, I look down
and I see my husband

and Ignacio on the floor.

And my husband is still in
his work clothes,

and he's drenched in sweat.
And he's like on Ignacio.

And I dropped my purse.

I'm like, "What is going on?"

My husband says,
"He tried to k*ll me."

And I go, "What do
you mean he tried to k*ll you?

With what?"
And he goes, "A g*n."

And I said, "A g*n?
Where is the g*n?"

And he's like, "It's under us."

I called 911.

The 911 operator tells me
she has police on the way.

And still this whole time,
I'm not thinking about Reyna...

or where she's at.

The police get there,
and one of them

secures the g*n.
It's a shotgun.

And the other one gets Nacho.

And so my husband gets up

and a handcuffed Nacho on
the floor is sitting there.

And I'm looking down at him
and one of them asks,

is there anybody else
in the house?

And that's what I'm like,
"Reyna."

I asked Nacho,
"Where's Reyna?"

And he says,
"She's in her room."

So me and my husband
run to her room.

And her door is locked.

But there's a, there's
a b*llet-hole through the door.

And so my husband moves me
and he kicks the door down.

And I remember at that point
I couldn't see anything.

I couldn't see anything.
Everything was black.

And I looked down
and all I see is her leg.

And then I saw like smeared
blood and I start screaming.

I start screaming,
"My baby, my baby!"

Nacho -- Nacho had k*lled her.

They had already taken Nacho.
And I was yelling at him.

And I was telling him

that he was gonna fry.

And I was banging on the window
and I was telling him,

"You're gonna fry [bleep]!
You're gonna fry for this!"

I think I was just so sad
and broken that

I couldn't feel anything
for him,

because I was feeling

all these emotions
because my baby girl was gone.

So for him, I couldn't feel.

Never, never crossed my mind.

It never crossed my mind
that he would...

he would do something like that.

The next day I found out that
his plan was to k*ll

the whole family.

He didn't deny anything.
He said he did it.

And his plans were to
k*ll us all.

He never came face-to-face
with her.

His room and her bedroom
share a wall.

And he pointed the g*n at
the wall and shot and hit her.

And then he went around to
her bedroom door,

but it was locked.

And he shot once in there,
and he hit her again,

I believe,
through the bedroom door.

I feel like I didn't do enough
for either one of them.

I feel like...

I feel like maybe I should have
had an escape plan for Reyna

in case of an emergency.

And for him,

I should have done more.

Nacho was lost a long time ago.

[unsettling tones play]

Since her death,
everything is different now.

Everything that was...

isn't.

It's just not the same,
it can't be.

Nothing is the same.

Everything -- every part of
my life has changed somehow.

I'm changed.
I don't like to go anywhere.

I just don't feel like doing
anything anymore.

I don't feel like dealing
with people.

I just -- I just don't.

Do I ever look around

and basically see my son in
some of these kids?

Yes.

I always do that.
Right now...

I don't know if you guys saw
the little boy that was outside

looking for stuff
on the ground.

I don't know if you guys
saw him.

I saw my son in him,
and I thought to myself,

that could be Nacho.

I did see him at
the bond hearing, but we were

behind a window.

He was standing there with
his arms crossed,

kind of like he was,

like, bothered by being there.

And I knew that he had planned
to k*ll us, so I did not feel

guilty about telling the judge
not to let him out.

At that point,
all I was feeling was rage.

At that point, I hated him.

At that point,
I wanted him to suffer.

Something changed.

And I can't tell you when,
but I ended up...

forgiving him.
And I forgive him.

Some people, I'm sure,
are gonna ask,

how do you forgive him?

But he took
your daughter's life.

But he k*lled your daughter.

It's weird.

Because at the same time,
you wonder,

is Reyna gonna forgive me?

Is Reyna even holding that
against me?

Would Reyna want me to have
a relationship with him?

I don't know
how forgiving him helps me.

I don't know
if it helps me heal.

I don't think...

I don't think anything will help
me heal, that there's

a piece of me missing.

So I probably won't get
that piece back

till I see her again.

[phone ringing]

Oh, excuse me.

[whispering] My son.

Oh, nothing.
What are you up to?

Oh, you're waiting for rec?

All right.
Well, I'm looking at

a little picture of a picture of
you when you were like

five years old
next to your sister.

Yeah.

You guys are on Nana's porch
and she's on

a little turquoise --

do you remember that turquoise
like, plastic horsey?

That rocking horse?

[Ignacio speaking]

I think.

I'm looking at that picture
right now.

Rigo is at work.

All right, son, let me let
you go, because I've got to

finish this, OK?

OK, well, you take care
of yourself.

I love you, too,
and God bless you.

OK, love you.
Bye.

I told him I was looking at
the picture of him

and his sister and asked him if
he remembered it,

and he says, yes.

But right away, he asked me

about his brother,
where his brother was at.

I think that's kind of
his way of...

deflecting from the situation.

He refuses to talk to me

about what he did.

I had questions about...

why.
What happened?

Why?
How could you?

I still haven't to this day,
been able to get

anything answered, any of
my questions answered from him.

That's the $1,000 question.

I don't know.
Only he knows.

I don't know if I'll ever get
an answer from him.

I'll keep trying.
Maybe someday he'll give in.

Maybe someday when he gets out

and it's easier for him to talk
about maybe,

he'll give me an answer.

I think that it hurts him.

And possibly, I think that if
he allows himself to talk

about it, I think he will
break down.

And I don't think he wants to
do that in prison.

I don't want him to talk
about it

if it's gonna hurt him and I'm
not able to be with him.

Like if it's gonna hurt him
and...

and he does something crazy.
Heaven forbid.

I don't think
I have forgiven myself.

I don't know if I ever can.

I feel like somebody
reached inside of me,

pulled out my heart,

cut it into pieces,

stepped on it,

and then danced on it.

I have said that I failed.

I've said it numerous times,
that I failed as a mother.

I shouldn't be visiting my son
in prison.

I shouldn't be visiting
my daughter at

a cemetery.

And that's my cross to bear.

But I still have hope.

I still have hope that
someday...

I will be with my son again.

I have hope that one day
I'm gonna see my daughter again.

There's hope.

It's not over.