01x08 - Outbreak Outage

[bunniefuu]

A NETFLIX SERIES

Good Lord. I must call the repair shop.

I can't fix this microwave.

Does everything old go bad?
Unlike the microwave, I'm just fine.

Good Lord. I always say,

"Old people are just young people
who succeeded." That's it.

-Morning, Grams.
-Good morning.

Good morning.

Some water to stay hydrated.

Get it from the fridge. This is all beer.

Beer in the clay filter? Why?

Not to overload my kidneys.

It will filter out the alcohol.
Give it to me.

There you go.

Hey.

You smell smoke?
I swear it's not from my room.

I burned foil in the microwave.

Grams, use silk paper instead.

No.

Heat it up with hot lingerie.

-Good morning.
-Morning, Mom.

-Morning, cow… Alice.
-C'mon.

Sorry, I just got confused.

What's with the microwave?

I broke the microwave
in our last episode, remember?

I broke the microwave

because I was heating up food
covered in foil.

I burned it.

That's it, I said it.
I can't keep my money, nor my secrets.

Hi, my loves.

Who do I love?

-All of you.
-Stop it.

I love my family being together.

I brought my favorite woman
her favorite croissant.

Carlos.

You're always trying to please me.
I put baby powder down there.

Ask your mom
where we'll heat up the croissant.

She broke the microwave.

Hey, it wasn't her fault. It was the foil.

Please, there was no microwave
back in my neighborhood.

We ironed our grilled cheese.

I've grilled so many cheese skewers
using the clothes iron.

That's true.

Just iron away.

I even iron my underwear to k*ll bacteria.

-Bacteria?
-Oh, you're so lucky.

At least I'd get some action down there.

Please, Mom. C'mon.

Just download a dating app.

Use these hashtags. #Thirsty and #Horny.

Marcia, just don't.

She's done enough already.
I don't want it.

I agree with you, Alice.

I'm not good with dating apps.

No, not my thing…

I'm old-fashioned.
I like looking at a guy right in the eye.

I want to smell him, feel his groove.

Your dad got me because of his smell.

-What was Dad's cologne?
-Body Odor for Men.

Oh my…

I felt this fire inside.
It drove me crazy.

I went out with him
to teach him to rub a lemon under his arm.

-Isadir, what about the microwave?
-Yes, Mom. Microwave.

Forget about it. It was old and weird.

It couldn't even make popcorn.

See, it would burn down
during the next power surge.

I've lost three appliances during surges.

Coffee maker, microwave, and husband.

Your husband died during a surge?

He took a blue pill to get a surge.

It worked, then he powered down.

You've got to be kidding.

-It's not a joke.
-It isn't?

Carlos's dad was old already.

Old things belong in the trash.

-Geez.
-Wow!

There was no need for that.

-She didn't mean it.
-It's a candle for my guardian angel.

She's sending very bad energy my way.

I blew it out. Listen…

Will you let your wife
throw me away, Carlos?

My love, you can't throw Mommy away.

I'll throw you away
with the broken microwave.

You can't break stuff. I'll go broke soon.

How about you? Funny you mentioned it.

I almost went broke while pregnant.

Why is that?

Baby oil on my belly
to avoid stretch marks.

Getting a pedicure
because my heels were cracked.

All that beer during your baby shower.

You drank beer during my baby shower?

I didn't. Everybody else did.

For each pack of diapers they brought,

they ordered a bottle of beer.

-And my microwave?
-It's just a microwave.

Love, it's just a microwave.

The microwave,
the dating app, the champagne.

It was the microwave,
the dating app, the champagne.

We must work things out peacefully.

You're like your dad, you know?

-Peaceful?
-No, an idiot.

-Carlos.
-What's that for, Mom?

-Please.
-You drive me nuts, Mom.

-What did I do?
-All you two do is fight.

C'mon. It's a microwave.

-I'm done.
-What a piece of work.

-I'm sophisticated.
-Calm down, love.

I love the arts.

I love the arts too, just so you know.

My husband was a Romero Britto painting.

He'd fight and get a black eye,
a red nose, and blue ba*ls.

How did I get here?

-Alice!
-You can get out.

-Take a hike.
-Mom!

My love, wait.

Love…

No wonder, Mom.
You have to find a place for yourself.

I have a resting place.
I bought a marble headstone.

It was much more expensive
than a microwave.

But you know very well
that you're invading Alice's space.

Cats and dogs take little space,
unlike a cow.

-Don't call my wife a cow.
-Really?

If you love her so much,
I'm the cow, then.

All I did was give you milk.

-Right, Carlos?
-Don't cry. I can't take it.

I won't cry,
but it's really disrespectful.

I am an honest woman,
and before I leave this house,

I'll fix that microwave.

-Please do.
-Give me your card.

Mom, I don't have it on me.

I take checks. I'm old-fashioned.

-Okay.
-Good Lord.

-Be careful.
-Okay. I know.

-Grams…
-Yes?

-That check can't be like you.
-What?

A bum check.

You look like a bum!

-Listen, Jonas…
-Just a joke.

I know you're only kidding.
It was a good joke, and I laughed at it.

-Show some respect, Jonas.
-Cut it out!

-You…
-So aggressive.

You're a f*cking jerk.

Go get a job.

Where's my phone?

I'll call the repair shop
before I lose my temper with Alice.

No more chaos in this house.

Hello? Is this the repair shop?

I have my son's blank check.

I want to have a microwave repaired.
I'm here, uptown.

I'm uptown, but I'm from downtown.
Don't inflate the price. I'm not dumb.

Shove it up your a*s.

For that much, I'll buy a new one…

Yes, shove it up your a*s!

Go straight to hell.

They want to charge me
as if they were a licensed shop.

Yes, contact a licensed repair shop.

Any other shop would void the warranty.

I'll see to that.

Leaving you in charge
is as smart as giving you a blank check.

Carlos already saw to that, thanks.

I'll just give up.

Let me know when you do.

I'll replace that plant
with a dumbcane or maybe a fern, okay?

Don't you whip your hair at me.

Insolent little woman!

I'll take her down.

I'll put a curse on you.

Flavinho and I had a fight.
I'm sleeping here.

Again, Cezinha? Good God.

I told you that guy isn't
a good match for you.

Beans and pasta aren't a good match.

When it's all you have to eat,
you eat it anyways.

Your godmother Isadir. Let me get that.

How are you, old woman?

-Hello, queen.
-Oh, a compliment?

You're a drugstore queen.
You take too many meds.

-Fatima…
-What is it?

Carlos gave me a blank check, Fatima.

-No way!
-I must get the microwave repaired.

Alice is forcing me
to contact a licensed repair shop, Fatima.

Do you know if Davi,

the hot guy who fixes appliances,
is still around the neighborhood?

Davi? Yes, he is.

But he isn't licensed.

I took many things for him to repair.

-Did it work?
-Not for me, but the junkyard is happy.

I love the road.
I used to be a truck driver.

Are you a l*sbian?

Why is that?
Only lesbians can drive trucks?

No, but I got to unlearn h*m*.

You're easy? I'll give you a ride.

-What? Are you crazy?
-Why not?

Are you r*cist, then?

I haven't done things in a while.
Help an old lady out.

I like the young ones.

-You jerk.
-No, I'm no jerk.

-Have you no shame?
-I'm a shark.

No, I'm an oyster.
Only sophisticated people can eat me.

Fatima, I'm upset with the Uber lady.

Why?

-What did she do?
-She didn't do.

She got my hopes up
and didn't follow through, Fatima.

Give me a break.
I have my needs, you know?

The cable guy calls, asks for the address,
and I buy wine to wait for him.

Good Lord, Isadir.

As if you've never been naughty.

That's why your late husband's nickname
was paycheck.

Because he made me happy?

No, dear. Because you'd only cash it
once a month.

-Cezinha!
-Cézar.

-Rude.
-Be polite.

You have no idea
about their private lives.

I remember my privates
were collecting dust.

Listen, Davi is on his way.

Actually, why didn't you take
the microwave to his shop?

I thought I'd come over here

so he'd fix the microwave
and check out my mixer.

Really?

Will you turn my house into a cheap motel?

You could use
a nice mirror on the ceiling.

Fatima.

Do you mind if I use your bedroom?

It would be good for your bed
to finally see some action.

That bed saw lots of action
when my husband was alive.

Because he snored and farted.

Give me a break, Isadir?

You want to get naughty in my bed?
What do I do, then?

Make a video of it, Fatima.

I'll give you credit as the camerawoman
when I upload it to XVideos.

He's here. God have mercy…

-Hi, Davi.
-Hey. I'm here to fix the microwave.

Oh my f*cking Lord.

I forgot the microwave in the car. My God.

When you find it, give me a call.

Wait, I have another appliance
that needs some maintenance.

-What state is it in? Is it old?
-I'd rather say it's used.

-What is it?
-My reproductive system.

Be quiet, Fatima.

Maybe, if I check it out,
I'll see if I have the right tools.

Great. We're too old for foreplay.

-My house or yours? Let's go.
-What?

No, Isadir. That's not how it works.

Let's have some beer,
get a round of drinks.

Drink this tall glass.

Isadir, the phone is ringing.

Answer it. I'm busy, Fatima.

-Have a seat.
-Sit down.

Hello? No, it's her friend.

Yes.

All right. Okay. Isadir.

It's the Uber driver.

On her last ride, she left the microwave
where she picked you up.

I'm grateful. She's a cutie-pie.

-She called you a cow.
-What?

Ladies, I got to go.

No, don't go. Come uptown with us.

There, at home, we have a jacuzzi, a pool.

-Many nice little corners.
-But I'll be on duty.

It's all included.

Your service fee plus PT.

Part-time?

Pool time. You must jump in.

Ah, I'm ready!

Oh my… Cézar, it's beautiful!

Do you like it?

Geez! Show me the back.

Let me see. My God, Cézar.

Beautiful! I love it.

Got a spare? I'll wear it for Davi.

Sure, Auntie.

-I'll wear a G-string.
-Oh Lord.

-He's so cute.
-Ouch!

-Isn't he, Fatima?
-Yes.

Do you have plants?

No, I have pets.

She has a wild child. Me.

I must work on my pool look today.

I'll go get ready, Auntie.

Fatima, I'm worried. Will it work?

-The microwave?
-No, Davi.

Well, I'm not sure.

What will happen if he's not licensed?

Don't worry, Fatima. We'll lie.

Davi, if anyone asks,
say that you're licensed.

Okay.

-Hi, how are you?
-I'm licensed, okay?

Oh, that's great. Cool.

Good to know, because last time
I needed a device fixed,

I didn't find a licensed worker
and it stopped vibrating.

Your cell vibrated yesterday.

I'm not talking about my cell phone.

She's my grandkid. She takes after me.

Could we go jump in the pool?

Work first. Fun comes later.

It's been ages since I had some fun.

You'll have to work hard.

Pool time sounds good,
but I don't have my swimsuit.

Go nude.

Isadir, I'm here!

Just go watch some Netflix.
Unfortunately, they have no porn. Go.

So are we going to get wet?

You can wear my son's swimsuit.

-Does it fit him?
-I don't know…

Well, Fatima, he's got a big package.

-How about Carlos?
-A damaged package.

You should hurry up while I change.

When I'm back,
if you're ready, it will be so…

Wow. Big, red tool.

It's so… What a…

Well…

So I'll get changed.

Oh. Wow, it popped.

Out of the blue.

I feel just like a virgin.

Hey, Fatima.

What is it?

Fatima, I'm so nervous.
I had no time to trim my woods.

You mean your bush?

No, I mean my woods.

My woods are on fire.
It's about time I find a clearing.

My God. Fatima.

Let me check if it fits, Davi.

Good Lord, Davi…

Is it my glasses? Sweet Lord!

He should pay property taxes.
It takes so much space.

Isadir, you're embarrassing him.

Can I go for a swim?

Let's go for a swim.

Fatima, come with us.
The lifeguard is on duty.

I would, but I'm afraid of big snakes.

Fatima, don't be silly.
It's a pool noodle.

-Let's jump right in. This way.
-Shall we go?

Who's this man, Isadir?

The question isn't who the man is,
but whose man this is.

He's mine, okay?

Where did you find him?
Playing bingo or tic-tac-toe?

Neither, but I'll play pick-up sticks.

Should you be rude at my son's place?

He only owns half the place.

Who owns the other half? You or Alice?

-Alice… I get it.
-Be smarter next time.

-Come with me.
-Let's go.

-Stop it, Davi!
-Oh, sorry!

Calm down, man.

I can't quite run…

Are we going in?

-We are.
-Let's go head first.

I can't. I have vertigo.

-Feet first, then.
-I have osteoarthritis.

Jump in. I'll go down the stairs.
I'll meet you at the deep end.

-Okay?
-Hold up, suspect.

What are your intentions with Grams?

The best intentions.

"The best intentions."

All right. Have a nice date.

Enjoy an active sex life. Bang!

It's all up to him.

And you should leave.

Sorry.

Now that we're alone, could we--

-Hi, Grams!
-g*dd*mn it.

I wanted to congratulate you.

You found someone. Hi, Grandpa.

-What?
-Working on it. Got to shake it up first.

-I got the message.
-Okay?

Now that we're alone…

Would you…

Will you sleep over?

I can't. I'm worried about Mel.

-Are you married?
-No.

Too bad. I wish I were a mistress.

Mel is my dog. She had eight puppies.

Have you ever had any pets?

Yes, a turtle.

That's a very slow animal.

Some people can be even slower.

I love my dogs. My problem is the male.

Every time the female is in heat,
he is all over her.

He gets the job done, then.

Oh, you know about dogs.

Women who like pets,
especially dogs, get on my good side.

I really love dogs.
Doggy style was my favorite in the 1990s.

Now, because of my back,
I can only do missionary.

What's that?

Girl, I broke my personal record.

Are you kidding me, Cézar?
He was about to suck my tongue.

-It's Carlos!
-Who's Carlos?

Who's Carlos?

Your son, woman!

My God. My son… I'm so nervous now.

He's just your son. Why be nervous?

It's been so long since I hooked up.

"Hook up," Isadir? Hook up?

I want something serious.

I have a lot to share.

Davi, give me a break.
Go share your stuff on social media.

I want to be poked.

-C'mon.
-She's thirsty.

-Wait…
-Davi!

Let's connect, Davi.

What's the Wi-Fi password?

I'm about to lose my date, Fatima.

-No spaces?
-Go to hell.

No, Davi.

Davi, calm down.

Let me give you a check,
even though you didn't do the job.

You didn't.

No, Davi…

I'm heartbroken. Please, Davi.

Why is he leaving, Fatima?

Mom, what does that mean?

-He's my FB.
-What's FB?

f*ck buddy.

C'mon, Mom!

I was subtle. She didn't get it.
She thinks FB is Facebook.

Can anyone explain
why there was a stranger

coming out of my kitchen

wearing a swimsuit?

I didn't know you…

-Sometimes…
-How come…

-Oh my God!
-Dear God!

Fatima! My God!

Again, Isadir?

-What the f*ck?
-Someone grabbed my boobs!

Fatima!

-Isadir!
-Fa…

What are you doing?

I felt two hard buttons.
I thought I was turning the light on.

-Let me go, Isadir.
-Fatima, don't be silly. Let's enjoy it.

Let me go, Isadir!
Mother of God. I'm going to yell.

-Was the microwave fixed?
-Tell us, Mom.

New things can break down.
I'm old and I'm here.

The older, the better.

Not true. You're old and falling apart.

I'll call the repair shop
and report that licensed worker.

-No need. He wasn't licensed.
-Why?

I got a license to k*ll. Shut your mouth.

-I can't believe you called a stranger.
-We know him from the hood.

I must be dreaming.

I walked in and saw the technician
wearing my swimsuit.

And I found a mermaid.

Not a mermaid. A shark.

What is this?

Neighbors called your late husband

and referred to your man's little thing

as a paycheck.

You drank beer at my baby shower?

I didn't. Everyone else did.

Each diaper coming out, beer coming in.
It was each…

Dancing, Mommy?

-I messed up.
-Okay.

Before I leave this house, Carlos,
I'll fix that…

g*dd*mn it. Lord, look at this.

I was eavesdropping.

You told your therapist
your husband has an election issue.

Yeah?

-What?
-Election? I meant "erection."

Hitting on me? I'm not after old p*ssy.

-Excuse me.
-Wake up.

What?

It's not that old, all right?