01x06 - Driven to Debt

[bunniefuu]

A NETFLIX SERIES

Isadir, for God's sake. I'm full.

You woke me up at 5 a.m.
to help you look for a job,

but all we did was eat.

Finding a job in Brazil takes time.
We must eat for strength.

As if you're a deprived woman.

Ain't I, Fatima?
Carlos cut my credit card in two.

I can't buy my plush towels.

They have cheap towels
that won't dry anything,

and now I have a moldy armpit.

Isadir, for God's sake.

Don't ask me to buy them for you
and pay in installments.

Fatima, you have no credit score.
You're always in the red.

I have a job for you.

-Watching the elderly.
-I watch you and don't make sh*t.

Geez, mean b*tch. For God's sake.

-Hey. Did you hear about Eunice?
-No.

She got in an Uber
and never went back home.

-Her heart.
-High blood pressure?

No, she fell in love with the driver.

-She took off with him.
-Well, good for her.

But Fatima, that's it.

Fatima.

-Fatima, that's it.
-What?

I'm doing it.

-I'll drive for an app, Fatima.
-Damn, girl.

-You don't own a car.
-I own the owner.

Carlos has another car just like you.

-Lightly used?
-No, inactive and costly.

-Do you drive, Isadir?
-Of course I do.

I got 19 tickets.
One left before I lose my license.

Being an Uber driver isn't easy.

Yeah. Doctors, lawyers,
and engineers do it for the extra cash.

I know what you're saying.

I'm only working here to save money
and finish my nutrition course.

Why? I'll give you nutrition for free.

Listen up. No dirty talk in my presence.

Hey, be empowered, woman.

The only man who can fill me up for free

is Reggie at 70s Mug.

Free beer refill on Tuesdays.

Beer fountain on Wednesdays.

Shots of antacid on Thursdays
to repair the liver.

Good morning.

Hi, Mr. Carlos.

Bless me, Mom.

God bless you, son.

-God guides you.
-Amen.

-He lights your way.
-Amen.

-He protects you.
-Amen, Mom.

And teach her to iron your shirts.

By the way, where do you think you are?
At a country resort?

-I'm looking at a cow.
-Mom.

After you maxed out my credit card,
we must cut costs.

I don't need to hear this.

You're so ungrateful.

After all you did to me.

I'll show you my maxed-out C-section.

Wasn't it a natural birth?

I tried, but it was the wrong lunar phase,
going into a full moon.

Got it, Marinez? Cutting costs.

I try, ma'am, but there are extra costs.

Roasted turkey is extra. Eat bread only.

Hey, will you excuse me? Mr. Carlos?

-Here.
-The other car's ready.

Thanks. Listen, Mom.

A potential buyer will come see my car.

Mom?

-Calm down.
-Mom, what is it?

Slap her good. She's choking.

Do it. Oh, she spat it out.

Why are you selling the car?

That old thing is good for nothing.

-Is he talking about you?
-Shut up and eat.

-Listen up.
-What?

Remember, having a second car
is like having a lover.

Main one is down? Got an extra one.

-Geez, Mom.
-I'm not the one who's down.

-Right, Carlos?
-Honey.

C'mon, Alice, be empowered.

Such a pretty, young woman.
Don't stand by a limp man.

Mom, are you nuts? Take my side!

For God's sake, Mom.

Carlos, if you're down, you're down.

A woman has needs. I'll take her side.

My junk is down?

That's called "sisterhood."

I'm in need too.
You never paid back my 200 reais.

See?

I saw your new blouse upstairs.

That's called "priority."

-Gotta get going.
-Haven't got it going in a while.

That's called "necessity."

-You always go low.
-I don't go low.

She has no clue, does she?

Actually, I used to be 5'9".

-I played beach volleyball.
-With whom?

I used to go to the beach

and spike it with Fernanda Venturini.

I had the best serve.

"Block."

That's why Alice gets mad at you.

-Carlos.
-What, Mom?

She's not mad at me
because I can't keep it up.

She's mad at you

because you can no longer
keep that thing up.

Mom, c'mon.

Don't say it in front of them.
Don't look at me.

Carlos, if you're down,
pull yourself up, man.

What?

No time to study for the exam, Jonas?

I studied hard.

-And?
-I hardly passed.

No wonder, right?

It was multiple choice.

I'm such a clown.

You reap what you sow, boy.

Dad, if Jonas ever reaps
everything he's been sowing in his room,

he'll be tripping.

-Snitch.
-Exactly.

Snitch? I'd better get to work to pay off
Mom's credit card bill.

-Right?
-Oh, well.

I didn't tell you.
I'm auditioning with Tony, the TV star.

-Really?
-Yeah.

That's my dream.

-To be on TV, Grams?
-No, to be on Tony.

He turns me on. He's so hairy.

-An old-fashioned man.
-Oh wow.

I wanna run my fingers
through his hairy chest.

-Like a caveman.
-So hot.

Don't go smooth. Men do that nowadays.

No, I'm like Chewbacca.

I know just the show for you.

-Sinhá Moça?
-No.

-Which one?
-The Next Victim.

Let's have a commercial break.
I'm tired of all the drama.

-Okay.
-Great. Can you drop me off?

-It's just…
-Want a ride?

-There's never parking downtown.
-True.

-Go with God.
-Too much talking.

Take it off your face.

-Hottie.
-You gorgeous thing.

You're at it again? Give me a break.

Soon your dad will be single again.

-He's mad today.
-He is.

-Why's that?
-As we were saying…

-Don't go smooth.
-No worries.

Do you have pubic hair already?

I got a hairy head.

Which one?

I got curls all over.

-Carpet matches the drapes.
-That's right.

You got to comb it to the sides.

I should go back to my game.

Buzz him in. Okay.

You're silly.

You hang up.

Kisses, bye. Aloisio.

That guy is here to check out the car.

-I'll get it. I'm an expert.
-In cars?

Yes, men in cars.
No money for motels back then.

Mall parking lots
used to be my playground.

-Geez.
-I got to go.

But I don't want no man now.

Men are like banks.

They talk big game about benefits
but make too many demands.

-Hi. Hello.
-Hi. Good morning.

-Good morning. Hi.
-How are you?

-Great.
-Good.

-And you?
-I'm good.

-All great?
-I'm doing fine.

-Good.
-That's great.

Thirsty? Hungry? Single?

-I thought men were like banks.
-What?

-You said men are like banks.
-Some men are worth your savings.

I'm here for the car.

Yeah, the car.

The car.

The car was…

You okay?

The body is a little beaten,

the engine is down,
but the pipes are still hot.

-Is the car that bad?
-I was talking about myself.

I thought the car was in great shape.

If you push it a little, it works fine.

-Are you that bad?
-Now it's about the car. Stay quiet.

-Are you Maurício?
-Yeah.

-Let me show you that pimping car.
-Well…

I've just heard it's bad.

Don't fall for what he says.

It looks like a tough car,
but it's just like him.

A guzzler.

Well, Aloisio, let Carlos know.

-I'll take it.
-That's it.

-New engine.
-And no horsepower.

Looking at my son,
you couldn't tell his engine won't start.

Fatima went out with many young ones.

-Me?
-Some don't work.

She's lying. Crazy.

Don't fake it, Fatima.
You were pretty slutty.

What?

-I must go.
-Don't listen to them.

-Deal.
-Deal. All worked out.

-Have a good one.
-Okay.

-You too.
-You too.

Aloisio…

I've taken some salsa lessons.

Aloisio, I'll be back later.

Get the door.

The magic word?

Open.

Mrs. Isadir,

tell Mr. Carlos I left the car key here.

-Okay.
-Let me tell you something.

If I had a car like that,

I'd drive Marinez to cloud nine.
You feel me?

You can't drive, Aloisio.

He'd get in an accident.
Fastest way to the clouds.

-Quit it.
-C'mon.

Isadir, life is fleeting.

I'm still driving for an app.

It doesn't happen overnight, Isadir.

All I need is the key.

-Look.
-Isadir.

Can I pick someone up now?

No, Auntie.
Pick up many to make it worth it.

I'm used to it.

My deceased husband
and I used to be swingers.

-I love dancing.
-Not dancing. Orgies.

Geez, Isadir! I can't believe you.

I'm afraid to ride in her car.

Driving here, she almost k*lled me.

What would change?
You don't drink, smoke, or masturbate.

-Why are you still alive?
-Isadir, not in front of Cézinha!

Mom, two out of three.

Smoking causes yellow teeth
and dries up your skin. Well, gotta go.

I got pieces to fix at the shop.

Great. Is it a fashion shop?

-Fix my pants.
-I'm not into fashion.

-I'm a mechanic, Auntie.
-That's cool, Cézar.

A g*y mechanic.
You're breaking the standards.

Just like your mom.

What standards did I break?

Beauty standards, Fatima.
The outfit doesn't match the sandals.

Here, Auntie. I got you a nice playlist.

-All the best jams.
-Nice.

Isadir, listen to it first
before playing it in the car.

Why, Fatima? Cézar is g*y.

All gays have a V-neck and good taste.

-No, my Cézinha has no V-neck.
-Okay.

-By the way, did you iron my shirt?
-I did.

-Here, honey.
-Thanks.

Love you. I gotta run.

-Go with God.
-Kisses. Bye, Mom.

-Such a nice kid.
-Isadir?

-What?
-Buy some candy for the car.

-Why, Fatima? There's candy here.
-That's my candy.

-That's my favorite.
-Who likes tamarind candy?

I do. How about bottled water?

I put some in your freezer.

Replace your shitty fridge.

Water?

-Candy?
-Music?

-The old lady is deaf.
-Yes?

-Listen
-Woo-woo

-Fatima, hit a C major.
-What is this?

Woo-woo.

I'm crazy about you

C minor now.

Does the stereo work? Turn it on.

-Let's listen to some music.
-Turn it on.

First passenger…

Come here and sit down
Back and forth

God have mercy. I'll get off here.

Don't forget my five stars.

I told you to listen to the songs first.

I thought everything was fine.

Then she left me.

Water?

You just poured it?

Where is it from? I could get sick.

Give me a break.
She got out of an unmarked vehicle.

She's pigging out on street food.
And she's worried about the water?

That reminds me of my deceased husband.

Yeah, I really love you

I want you so bad

I'll kiss you all over

No, I'm not lying

It's no lip service, baby

When I'm with you…

You know what? Go carpool karaoke in hell.

Only if hell pays us a better rate.

Don't slam the door. It's not your car.

It's not yours either.

Carlos won't notice we went for a spin.

Isadir!

My glasses. Don't open the door.

God. Is that Saint Peter?

Mari, I was thinking…

How much do I need to save
to buy a crib like this?

I'm not coveting anyone's riches.

I have faith and,
God willing, I'll work hard

and buy one of these one day. You'll see.

What's wrong?

What did you pour for me?
This cider went bad.

I should have brought
my hard seltzer and powdered juice.

Powdered juice?
I'll throw you through a wall.

You better have a vision. I ain't cheap.

I'm used to certain things here.

I eat shrimp and bathe in a bathtub.

At home, you eat old bread
and wash up in the sink.

You laughing at me, clown?

You're not used to all the good stuff.

This ain't no cider. It's Chandon.

-Chan-what?
-Chandon.

Chan is here?

Chan's my cousin.

f*cking horrible day, Fatima. Come on.

What?

Take this and shut up.

I don't want this bad cider.

Go. A kiss first.

Just get in there.

Hi… Isadir?

-Hi.
-You're doing good?

-By the grace of God.
-Your eye.

-The glasses.
-Yeah.

We were doing a reflex test.

"Let me test my reflexes. Punch me."

The glasses didn't protect me.

Someone's here.

-Get the door.
-Sure.

My pleasure. That's my job. Be right back.

Now what?

How will you pay Cézinha to fix the car?

Your son isn't a mercenary like you.

He's like Auntie.

Hi, gorgeous. Paying in advance, right?

Mercenary.

-Like Auntie.
-Credit card?

No, Credit Chad.

-Card?
-Chad.

This loan shark I know.

-Oh, it's Carlos.
-It's Carlos.

-My God.
-I can't answer.

God… Calm down!

Hello? Carlos.

No, I'm cool.

The buyer is coming for the car?

It's okay.
I'll welcome him with open arms.

Kiss my a*s, Carlos.

-Auntie.
-What now?

A shitstorm is coming.

-Isn't Alice still at work?
-I'm not talking about her. Let's go.

-God in Heaven.
-Gotta run, Fatima!

For God's sake. Run.

My God! Isadir!

-You okay?
-I fell, but I'm okay.

-I'm anxious.
-Here, Auntie. Mission accomplished.

And I always get the job done.

The damn car is as good as new.

Unlike your mom's new earrings.
She has bad taste.

I agree. That's why I got piercings.

-Okay.
-I'll park the car. Full service.

I'll do it, Cézar. I'll park the car.
I'm great at parking.

Sit down.

And I'll turn your playlist on.

Oh my God. Let me call Chad again.

I crashed Carlos's car again.

-What happened?
-Calm down.

I crashed Carlos's car into Alice's.

Calm down, Auntie.

If she gets home late, we can cover it up.

Hi.

Hi, ghetto people.

Go, boy. sh*t will hit the fan.

Hey, g*y, you forgot your tools.

-Fatima, let's go, woman!
-I'm coming.

I came to get my things.
I'm off to the gym.

Where are my car keys?

-Take a walk, woman.
-What?

I have to drink my pre-workout creatine.

-I had tea with a cretin.
-What'd you say?

Come work out with us, Alice.
We work out too, you know.

Really? What kind of workout?

-Legs? Chest?
-Tongue. Fatima runs her mouth.

Girl, I got to tell you.

I saw this old lady crash her car.

She wasn't that old.

-She was a MILF.
-She kissed a wall.

Talking about kissing.

I kiss my mirror to practice.

-The other guy's tongue is hard.
-What?

-Am I g*y?
-Well.

Free Britney.

Jonas, you're old enough now
to find someone and be in a relationship.

Who said I haven't found one?

-I have a girlfriend.
-You do?

Mary Jane.

-Mama ain't vibing today.
-She's not.

-Bless me, Grams.
-God bless you, son.

Damn.

-What was that?
-I heard nothing. I'm going deaf.

Someone's here.

-The door.
-Get it.

I did track at samba school.

-Hello, ma'am.
-How are you?

I'm in a hurry and anxious to get my car.

Did you want something…

To drink? Water, juice, downer?

No, thanks. I just want the car.

-My car.
-Her car?

No, mine.

-She's done.
-You're only here for the car?

-Stop it, Mom!
-Come here, Isadir!

-Isadir.
-Yes?

Someone damaged my car. Who did it?

-You?
-Son of a b*tch!

Actually, it was the bitchy mom.

You had a hand in it?

Not a hand, but a foot.
I tried to step on the brakes.

-The brakes got stuck.
-You crashed my car?

That's how you broke your glasses.

It was for the best. I needed new ones.

I used to be nearsighted.
Now I have astigmatism.

You never had astigmatism.

Aloisio, you gave her the car keys?

My shift just ended.

If I answer that,
I'll be working overtime.

-Right?
-You won't answer my question?

-You won't answer me, Aloisio?
-Aloisio, come here!

-Come here, Aloisio.
-Calm down.

-Aloisio, come back here!
-Don't leave, Aloisio.

-You crashed into my car.
-He's lazy.

And you were driving Carlos's car?

You must have a fake license.

Unbelievable, Grams.

How come you didn't get me one?

Where did you buy it?

There's this place downtown…

Wait, was that my new car?

-Yeah.
-Of course.

-I'm backing out.
-How come?

A lemon, man.

-A fender-bender.
-Our deal's off…

-I don't want a lemon.
-It's just a scratch!

Come to my shop.
I'll even change the oil for you.

Isadir, I'm done with you.

It's something new every day!

Just so you're not stuck in a rut
in your boring marriage.

Having sex is like brushing your teeth.
It's part of the routine.

Just so I won't get bored,
I use a new brush every time.

Marcia, we got to talk.

Of course.

I can't believe your sister.

Your daughter is okay.

-Is she?
-Yes.

You got to talk to your mom.

-I will.
-Better get in line.

They're coming for her on the app.

Complaints are pouring in.

That nun said we're not God's children.

Making money off my car?

I'll drink a beer to take it smoothly.

Take it back to "b*tch."

-I speak?
-Yeah, I like that part.

Listen, Carlos. I made no money.

Don't you break character now.

-Where were you working?
-I wanted…

What?

Read your lines right for Mommy.

-No.
-Really, man…

C'mon.

-Tell me, son.
-C'mon, Mom.

Give it to Mommy.

-Mommy's punchline.
-Cow!

C'mon.

-Go, Carlos!
-Excuse me.

The guy's still there.

-The car buyer.
-How about my car?

Aloisio just up and left.

-What about the car?
-Yeah.

He reminds me of Lion-O from ThunderCats.

You have no clue.

I got that reference.

I understood that.