01x01 - That's Too Much

[bunniefuu]

A NETFLIX SERIES

DOWNTOWN
RIO DE JANEIRO

UPTOWN
RIO DE JANEIRO

MOTHER-IN-LAW

Had I known you had a big door,

I would've brought my refrigerator.

Good morning, Isadir.

DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

Love, this lockdown will fly by
in the blink of an eye.

Mom, you won't miss downtown.

Well, she brought downtown with her.

SON

Mom, you must wear your mask,
not hold it, in case you sneeze.

I should be holding it.

So my hand doesn't end up in your face.

Mommy, don't start.

You're the one who married the cow.

You can still fix that.

It's too late for that.
Two kids later, we won't separate.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt had six kids.

They got a divorce.

Well, enjoy your stay, dear.

You came from such a tiny apartment.

Our house is huge.

You overdid it, Alice.

It's too much…
You must spend more on cleaning products,

fancy ones, than I spend on my health.

Stop that right now.
I pay for your medical.

-A shitty plan.
-Shitty? It's great.

-How come, Carlos?
-It is.

-How good is it?
-Mom.

-Keep it down. The neighbors.
-Let them hear it.

Last time I had to pee in a cup,

they asked me to bring
my own Tupperware, okay, neighbors?

How come you haven't added me
to your company's plan, Carlos?

Sadly, some companies
don't accept mothers in their health plan.

Sad, isn't it?

Sadly, some mothers don't accept

their daughters-in-law
in their plans either.

Sad, isn't it? Take this.

I'm not drinking water
from an electric filter.

THE CLAY FILTER

-Clay filters water.
-We have an electric one.

No way. I only drink from my clay filter.

How long do I have to put up
with your mother?

I know mothers-in-law can be difficult…

I am your smother-in-law.

It's for the lockdown.

About three weeks, tops.

1 WEEK LATER - 2 WEEKS LATER…

76 WEEKS LATER

Eighteen months of sex
with a bag of rice on my back.

Oh, my love…

Love, listen, I've talked to Mommy.

She promised she won't bug us again.

-Come here. Kiss me.
-Carlos.

Carlos.

I'm really confused about all the remotes.

Why have so many remotes?
Everything is out of control.

I tried to watch network TV
hoping to hear a twinkle-twinkle.

This Netflix thing popped up
with a ta-dum.

I don't get it. I was looking for…

Carlos, do you hear me?

I wanted to watch my soaps.
Elite popped up.

Looks like a teenage soap.

-Like Rebelde--
-Mom.

-What?
-Elite is a series, Mom.

Well, I wanted to watch the remake
of my 1990s soap opera.

Weren't you in bed?
Did you follow us in here?

I came to put my dentures
in the pickle jar.

You keep your dentures in the pickle jar?

Nobody eats pickles in this house.

At least it keeps my dentures fresh.

-Mom.
-Disgusting. Too much.

Carlos and I hide in the pantry
to try to have sex.

-If you hear any little noise…
-"Little noise," Alice?

I heard you two in bed the last time.

-It was like an English class.
-Geez, Mom.

Mom.

Forget about it.
I can't do it in this house.

Oh, Mom, you can use Grams' room.

She let us use it.
We loved her queen-sized bed.

Her spring mattress is great for bouncing.

Wait, you let her use your bedroom?

They could use the pantry,
but it was occupied.

Well, if it were Jonas,
you wouldn't be this mad.

-Because he's a man.
-By the way…

This man is from São Paulo.
He crossed state lines.

He's ready to go back home.

Hi, family.

-"Family."
-What's up?

"What's up?"

Listen up.

Hey, what's up?

"What's up?"

I'm all packed already.

That's it? Your laptop?

Well, Google has everything I need.

Are we traveling?

You didn't tell me.

Well, Mommy, it's just us.

Carlos, you should have told me…
Alice, you're in the back, then.

Or I'll get nauseous.

-My legs swell.
-Mommy.

Also, you're not that good
at driving on the freeway.

What do you mean?

-I need to get my meds…
-Mom, it's just for the family.

-Love…
-Carlos!

Calm down, love. I'll talk to her. Mom!

Mom, come here. Stop it.

You're not going, okay?

Come here. You're not going.

We need time for ourselves
to recharge our batteries, right, love?

That's great, son.
Mommy was thinking about it.

Your presence here
is an invasion of my privacy.

I do need some time
all by myself in this house.

I want to be able to walk around naked
whenever I wish.

I want to find out more about myself.

Go find out more about yourself
in your apartment.

I can't be naked downtown.

Everyone will see me. I got no curtains.

Mom, listen up. We're going on a trip.

Meanwhile, go back to your house.

No can do.
I rented it out. I'm going to bed.

What did you say?

-I'm going to bed.
-No.

Mom.

How about your apartment?

It's rented out.

I've noticed you two are too stressed out.

I hope your guardian angels
can take all those obstacles

out of your way.

Cleanse, cleanse, cleanse

this collective hate.

Push it all away.

Finally, Mommy. You sure slept in today.

Due to my heart condition, thank God
I'm up and not at the pearly gates.

Oh, okay.

Your heart condition, Mommy.
It worries me.

The doctors say you can live by yourself.

Those shitty doctors, Carlos?

You got great doctors, Mom. Shitty?

One said, "No fatty foods, Isadir."

I saw him at Outback eating ribs.

No problem.
You can go to another cardiologist, then.

-Okay.
-How about your apartment?

Two bedrooms, across from butch.

You live across from a butcher's shop?

No, I meant my butch neighbors,
Kyndall and Tracy.

They're American lesbians.

The blonde ones?

-Exactly.
-I know--

Just a minute, Marinez.

Great.

We need to figure out the apartment issue.

-I waited for you to be up.
-Thanks.

Wait a bit longer.
I'm only up after my black coffee.

Excuse me.

Mommy.

Mom…

You must think we're joking…

Marinez, pour her a double espresso
to wake her up.

Other people need to wake up.

Wait a sec, Marinez. Anything wrong?

Besides my paycheck, all's good.

Wait a sec, Marinez.

C'mon, Mom, tell us now.
Why did you rent out your apartment?

Wow, that's new.
Did you rent out the apartment downtown?

Wait a sec, Marinez.

I rented out my apartment
because it's just like your late dad.

Inactive and expensive.

Funny, Mom. I paid for everything there.

Yes, and I was losing profits.

I'm not kidding, Carlos.
I saved 577 dollars and 78 cents.

Wait a second, Mom…

Are you buying dollar bills?

Yes, I exchange money.

I want to live abroad.
I'm moving to Oklahoma.

Why Oklahoma?

It's like the sex hotel downtown.
It sounds sexy.

I get it.

Shouldn't you have told me
you had rented out the apartment?

Didn't you say we're best friends?
That we should tell each other everything?

You're just so stupid.

Carlos, for the love of God.

Moms always say that to their kids
to know the stupid things they're doing.

Still, I found out by myself
you were into the Devil's lettuce.

-You should burn some incense.
-Stop.

Jonas could hear you. Be quiet.

-Good morning, family.
-Hi.

-Dad, got some incense for the trip?
-See?

Is Grams coming?

No!

How come?

Grams always has my back.

I forgot my swimsuit at the beach,
and she let me wear her granny panties.

Bad parents.

I should wear smaller panties…

Who's renting your apartment?

Cézar, Fatima's son.

He's married.

Great. Cézar got himself a woman?

He got a man. You're so square.

I'm square?

-Yes.
-I'm not square. Stop it.

Hi, everyone. We're doing a group project.

A group project, just the two of you?

This man could be as good as three men.

How's it hanging?

In med school,
we get some theory classes first,

then we got to practice.

I really miss my group projects.

Well, when we get to Grams's age,
it's only theory and no practice.

Alice.

Do you look the other way
when she's being nasty?

-You're so sexist.
-I'm not sexist.

-I'm honest.
-She ain't nasty.

You're a director at a TV station.

-That's a nasty place.
-That's my job.

C'mon, Carlos.

Stop being a villain.

Let's support empowered women.

Stop being a villain
Empowered women

Stop being a villain
Empowered women

Stop being a villain
Empowered women

Don't worry, I talk sex to my kids
because I'm an expert.

A non-practicing expert.

Have you lost your mind, boy?

We heard her complaining about it.
I'm out of here.

-Yes, we're empowered.
-I'm grateful.

Cezinha must leave the apartment
by the end of the day, Isadir.

He can't leave the apartment
because we signed a contract.

You won't get my tenant's info, my dear,

because it's confidential.

As a lawyer, I represent big celebrities.

I know the law.

DUI laws. That's what celebrities need.

You can go straight to hell.

I'll need some booze to put up with her.

Great timing. We got this box. What is it?

Champagne.

Put it in the cellar by the pool.
This is no party.

Let's settle it.

Mommy, we're taking the trip. Right, love?

We'll be back on Sunday.

When we're back,
I want you in your apartment.

I must try to save my marriage.
Right, love?

I want you to breach that contract.
Did I do it right?

Did I? I'm…

Listen…

Check it out.

Fatima will soon send me a "good morning."

She always does it…

Good morning.

So cute. She'll invite me
to her prayer group.

I need to pray the rosary.

Now she'll talk about her son.
I'll turn it up for you.

Cezinha is separating.
He'll vacate your apartment.

Bring me some champagne.
I can celebrate now.

Hello, Fatima?

I'm shaking.
To sum it up in two words, "Holy sh*t."

I'm the one shaking.

Girl, it was ugly
between Cezinha and Flávio.

He called my son the F-word.

No… But, Fatima, it's okay.

They can call each other that, you know?

The main thing is that
they cannot vacate my apartment.

How come? Flávio pays the rent.

That f*g…

Roll up the window, please.

Roll it up. I have dry skin.

It'll just get worse with this wind.

Just don't roll it all the way up.
I have oily skin too.

Make up your mind.
Do you have dry or oily skin?

I got mixed skin, okay?

Stop the car.

Enough.

I'm handing Isadir back her keys, okay?

I can't believe it. On my birthday.

-What a "happy birthday."
-Happy birthday, Flavinho.

Cézar, next time give hair growth products
to your grandma.

Oh Lord. Calm down, Flavinho.
For God's sake.

The boy got mad. For the love of God.

Flavinho, calm down.

-Flávio?
-It's me, Fatima.

Flávio sure was angry.

I said, "Hi, Flávio."
He told me to eat sh*t.

It's his birthday.

Why didn't you tell me? That's why, then.

Flávio, happy birthday.

-Oh Lord. I need water.
-Okay.

-My urea is up.
-God.

How do you know? You got tested?

At my age, urea and cholesterol go up.

And my boobs are down to my waist.

Hey. Here you go.

-What's that?
-He gave them back.

Your keys.

Some water.

He can't give me the keys back.
We signed a contract.

Contract, Isadir?

-Here.
-We didn't sign anything.

-You signed it.
-I did?

-You made me sign it?
-The captain did.

-What Captain?
-Morgan.

Captain Morgan?

The rum, Fatima.
You were drunk as a skunk.

You hugged the toiled, hurled.

-Me?
-Tried to kiss me.

Isadir!

-You're a good kisser.
-What, Isadir? For God's sake!

-What is it?
-Oh, Auntie.

-Oh no.
-This girl is down.

What is it, child?

Flávio broke it off, Auntie.

I just gave him hair growth medication.

Now he can't get it up. I like them stiff.

Son, tell him to stop using the product.

I like them hairy, Mom.

Make him wear a wig, then,
and he'll still be able to get it up.

-Today is his birthday, right?
-Yes.

Let's throw Flavinho a surprise party.

A surprise party
in your run-down apartment?

That's a danger zone.

No, at Carlos's place. You can't come.

-I'm going.
-Go to hell.

Yes, I'm coming.

What if he doesn't take me back?

If it doesn't work,
you can still be roommates.

After a while, that's what couples do.

My late husband couldn't get it up.

He was losing it,
but it wasn't the hair, you know?

Shall we focus on the party?
Focus on the party.

A-ha

Whoo-hoo

Flávio's limp d*ck has got to go

This girl's so sad.

Cézar.

Carlos, you'll be stuck in traffic, okay?

Let's go. Let's do it.

Grams, I'm borrowing your sexy gel.

Sexy gel…

-Is it for that?
-Yeah.

Lord, I thought it was for arthritis.

You got the message, Mom?

When we get back,
I'll go visit you downtown.

Don't worry. It's a danger zone now.

I'm not afraid of th*gs.

-Mom--
-Not the th*gs.

I'll dig my key into the car.
I'll get even. Go with God.

-Are you mad?
-I am.

-Let's go, then.
-Don't yell.

-Marcia.
-Let's go.

-You too.
-Let's go.

-C'mon.
-Ouch, Grams.

Get going.

-Mom, what's all this?
-Get going. Go with God.

May God light your way.

-Mother Mary will guide you.
-Behave, Mom.

Go with God. Time to go. God bless.

Careful at the dangerous intersection.

Go easy around the corner
before the U-turn.

I can't run. I have arthrosis, dammit.

Marinez.

-Marinez…
-What?

I got to… I know I haven't been
a very good boss to you.

No, you haven't. Alice is my boss.

I'll do something your boss won't.

-Give me a raise?
-A day off.

Oh, great.

I'll get that.

-Just a second, Isadir.
-Okay.

What?

Not here. Send them away.
They got the wrong address.

Later, bye.

What was it?

-What, Isadir?
-What was it?

Reginaldo said people came to the party.

No way. A party, here?

-He's crazy, isn't he?
-No way, right?

-Want me to cook dinner?
-No, you can go.

-Sure?
-Go.

-All right, I'm leaving.
-Go straight to hell.

Hello?

Reginaldo, it's Isadir.

You can send the downtown caravan in.

What a joy. I'm so happy, everyone.

I love having people over. Listen up.

This is Alice's champagne.

A cow bought it. Party animals drink it.

It's my B-day.

This is so cool.

I feel young again.

What an honor.
A birthday party at this house.

Great, right?
How's it going for you and Cézar?

Did the party help you…

-Cezinha hurt me.
-And made you hairy.

It's true…
But don't tell anyone it's a wig.

-Nobody can tell.
-Thank God.

-I'll do the rounds.
-You go, girl.

Auntie, did you like the wig?

It looks shitty, Cézar.

For God's sake.

Oh, Fatima, for the love of God.

Now I can have a drink and relax a bit.

Isadir, take it easy.

You know when you drink…

Girl. You'll start hitting on everyone.

Fatima, show me some respect.
I'm an old lady.

-Go straight to hell.
-Oh Lord.

Let's have a threesome in Alice's bed.
Just the three of us.

Isadir, stop it! Sorry, excuse us. Isadir.

Oh, Fatima, just let me be.

Oh, Fatima…

I'll drink some beer
because that champagne is weak.

Isadir, a car pulled up. Is Carlos back?

Those rich cars all look alike.

Only one comes with Alice.

Fa…

Fatima!

Fatima, for the love of God. Do something.

-Me?
-Get everybody out while I…

Isadir!

Fatima, I broke something!

Oh no!

Done… Party is over now.

-It ain't over, old lady.
-Go to hell.

Party is over. Done.

You all go to hell.

-What happened?
-Carlos is back.

Crazy lady.

Fatima, please come with me.
Help me out, Fatima.

We gotta do something
about Carlos, Fatima.

He'll think something is up
if he sees me here.

Oh, girl!

He's coming in!

Oh Lord, yes. He'll think something is up.

Hi, Mommy. How are you?

Why are you all wet?

I just went out for a swim.

I was training for the next Olympic Games.

Mom, were you drinking?

Only chlorine while swimming.

We were halfway there,
but Alice forgot her pillow.

We came back because she's disgusted
by hotel pillows, so I came to get hers.

-What a cow.
-C'mon, Mommy.

-She's not here.
-Here I am.

-There.
-Do I smell barbecue?

-I smell it too.
-Well, the cow meat is there.

Mom. Don't say that.

Well, why are you back already?

No pillows with people's drool on them.

I see. Whenever I sleep at Fatima's,
she drools and it's disgusting.

-So disgusting.
-Dad.

-What now?
-I'm glad we're back.

I forgot my Bluetooth float.
I got to try it.

-What's the Bluetooth for?
-I've never used it.

I'll cut your cards in two.

-No, Dad.
-I will…

Cut off my leg. I got two.
Not my card. I only got one, please.

Guess what?
There's a pool party back there.

-Party?
-What party?

It's like a New Year's party.
All we need is the fireworks.

Oh, what's up with her?

Oh Lord.

-What?
-Thanks, dear.

Mommy?

-Yes.
-Did you let a stranger use my robe?

What else will you do?

We had a party in your bedroom.

I can't take it, Carlos.

It's Flávio's birthday, Alice.

Happy birthday to--

No, I've had enough.

No, Alice…

-Hey, Alice.
-See what you did?

They're gonna fight. Love it.

No, love. Alice.

Alice, my love.

-Help me out, Mom.
-Alice.

Alice, my love.

Sorry, Alice. When we grow up,

the first thing we want in life

is to find a place in the sun,

move out, and become independent, right?

Then, we get old

and we realize…

that our place in the sun

is with family.

Oh, Grams.

Mom, can't she stay a little longer?
I'll miss her.

I can't live away from Grams.

Come live downtown with me.

On second thought, it's not that far.
I'll just Uber over.

I'll take an Uber downtown.

No, that's okay, everyone.

I know I'm not welcome. I'll leave.

Cézar, give me my keys back, please.

Here's the thing, Auntie.

After this party,

Flá and I realized how much
we love each other, right, honey?

-It's true.
-We're keeping the apartment.

Good for you…

Oh, sorry.

At least one couple is happy here.

-At least one.
-So beautiful.

What's that?

Girls, party is over. We're done…

They're another happy couple.

It just can't be.

C'mon, Mom.

The party is over,
but Grandma can still party up.

Is Grams coming?

Grams is coming?

Can Grams come?

No!

I spaced out. No!

You can't come.

I noticed it.

That's it, everybody.

Okay, Marinez?

-Okay, Carlos.
-Go ahead.

Oh, it's nothing.

Sorry.

-It was a joke.
-Sorry.

I'm sorry.

Well, I need some booze now!

Great timing. You got a box. Guess what?

Champagne inside.

Put it in the cellar at the pool.
I'm not… party mood.

-Mom.
-Sorry. Again.

Give me my phone.
She'll screw it up again.

-In my purse. I'll get it.
-Oh Lord.

-Oh my God.
-Go get it.