08x02 - Valkyrick

[bunniefuu]

Alright, final item of
the Galactic Defiance meeting--

our plan to take out
the Gromflomite Queen.

- It is not ready for approval!
- What did I just--

Quiet! We can be a Defiance
without talking over each other!

Thank you.
Corsica?

As it stands,
our assassination task force

has yet to provide
a clear plan--

We provide
lots of plans.

Your committee keeps
k*lling them.

Well, it's an assassination
committee.

Whattaya want them
to do?

All intelligence indicates
it needs to be a surprise.

Which is why we need to
plan it carefully.

Why don't we turn things over
to our assassin, Beth Sanchez?

[ Audience murmuring ]

Great.
It's an assassination meeting.

Where the hell
is the assassin?

Corsica:
Beth. Where are you?!

Um, assassinating.

Are you insane? We're still
in a meeting about this.

We've been meeting about it
for months.

Is the plan to k*ll her
with old age?

There is no plan.
We still have to approve one.

Do you even look at
your Defiance e-mail?

Who has the patience for
three-factor authentication?

Beth!

♪

[ Grunts ]

Aah! Aah!

[ Grunts ]

Aah!

The Defiance says hello.

Or goodbye?

I mean, I guess the hello
meant goodbye anyway,

but this guy
beat me to it?

- Oh!
- Oh, my God!

Who are you?!
An assassin?

I mean, I wish.

k*ll her!

[ Weapons zapping ]

[ Grunting ]

[ Alarm wailing ]

Time to go.

Oh, sh*t.

Uh, hey, good news--
the Queen is dead.

Bad news-- I didn't do it.
Worst news-- I need a lift.

I can't approve
an extraction

from an unapproved
assassination.

I'll have to call
an emergency meeting.

I'm going to die.

[ Screaming ]

Aah!

♪

Ughhh!

♪

[ Electricity crackling ]

[ Speaking Japanese ]

Whoa!
You beat out Luigi's?!

[ Cellphone buzzing ]

Mm.

I'm hammering sushi.
What's up?

Space Beth:
Well, [chuckles] funny story,

or maybe not that funny.

Are you pitching
a Hulu Original?

I-I kinda...

went rogue and now I'm
trapped on a Gromflomite ship.

[ Belches ]
Send the coordinates.
I'll pick you up.

Really?
Just like that?

Of course just like that.
You're my daughter, probably.

Jiro!
Lava cake to go.

The lava cake
was already ordered.

I can see it from here.

You don't have to explain.

Ya think it'd be easy
to scan the only

warm-blooded thing
on the ship.

We tried that once.
Lotta rats in the walls.

Is that why the ship
always has a "B" in the window?

- Huh?
- Huh?

[ Both grunt ]

Hey! Freeze!
You first.

Agh!
Walked... right... into... it!

- Ah!
- Wow, Beth. [ Chuckles ]

You've been staying busy.

Oh, sh*t!
It's Rick Sanchez!

Hey. My daughter is
just as dangerous.

[ Screaming ]

Wait, so the g*n
also shoots a sign?

Yeah, for clarity,
so people know it's quicksand

and not a brown portal
or diarrhea.

But doesn't the sign
tip off the enemy?

No, no, the other side says
"ordinary sand."

There she is!

Aw, what?
Oh, oh, oh!

See, there's
your classic diarrhea.

Ugh!
Whatever.
Can we go now?

Just portal me to HQ.

Actually, could you portal me,
like, a block away?

So they don't know
your dad drove you? Sure.

Okay, all in favor
of Natalie thumbnailing

an emergency rescue budget?

- Oh!
- Oh, whoops.

You're a prick.

Stop acting embarrassed.
I'm a legend here.

Oh, hey, BugAnne.
Hey, Rick.

Yes, it's disappointing

that the legend
doesn't fall far from the tree.

Huh. That's a weird way
to thank her and apologize.
Dad!

Thank her for what?
A botched assassination?

Whoa, whoa.
I don't botch sh*t.

I just turned down
sloppy seconds.

Yeah, their mothership wasn't
on red alert for her birthday.

You sure about that?

Red alert for the Queen's
birthday!

That's right, Her Majesty is


but still laying eggs
and banging drones.

You go, girl!

Yes, Queen.
Space Beth: What? No.

I saw that b*tch's pillow
through her face.

A Sting Trooper did it.
Why didn't they pin it on us?

Translation--
ya botched.

- You can say that again.
- Always botchin'!

- Nepo baby.
- Excuse me?

Dad, stop helping.

This is the opposite
of a nepo baby.

This is a human
with half my DNA

that despises me for the same
reasons you bailed on her.

This organization resents
and discourages talent.

It's why working here
was always beneath me,

and it's why none of you
are worth eating her sh*t,

and if you don't start
appreciating her,

I guarantee you,
she'll be next out the door.

[ Clears throat ]

It was a good rescue, though.
You got me fired!

Only because you blew
your chance to quit!

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

I really hope
I am the clone

because I never asked
to be born.

I can't handle watching you
host those parasites.

Clone or not, that's still
my blood in your veins.

Yeah, I know.
I'm trying to overcome that.

Ouch.
Oh, boo-hoo.

Whatever.
Drop me off in space.

What are you going to do?

I'm gonna get to the bottom
of this inside hit on the Queen.

[ Sighs ] I-I know a guy
that knows a guy

that knows some bugs.

Look, I gotta drop you
off somewhere.

It might as well be
the filth-encrusted apartment

of an insect-supremacist
arms dealer.

Fiiine.

♪

I thought you were
dropping me off.

I gotta make sure
it's the right supremacist.

They all look alike.

Aah! Hey!
No mammals allowed!

That's our guy.
Oh, sh*t, f*ck!

Guh. Oh!
Oh, hey.

I-I didn't mean that
about mammals.

You're--
You're clearly a good one.

She is. She's very interested
in insect politics.

Um, actually,
there's no such thing

because insects are genetically
inclined for organization--

Ohhhh! Ah!

So tell us which insect
organized a hit on the Queen.

I dunno. You guys kinda proved
you're not gonna let me fall--

Aaahhhh!

Aaah! Aah!
Oh, God. Oh, Jesus.

Talk.
You're just gonna--

Aaaaagghh!

Aaah! Oh.
Alright, alright! sh*t!

It was Fantabulous!

The former Royal Doctor!

Wait.
The medical officer?

That's all I know,
I swear!

Is it, though?

Oh, God!
Aaaahhhhh!

Dad?
He said that's all he knew.

[ Thud ]

[ Belches ] I'm a mammal.
I'm disorganized.

I've heard of that doctor, though.

Classic disgraced
eugenicist trope.

You can get disgraced
for eugenics by insects?

[ Belches ]
I suppose he had a gift.

Did he have an address?

♪

[ Gasps ]
Hi. Don't be afraid
to surrender.

Yeah, you can even join us
as an unlikely ally.

I don't know
what that is.

I can explain.

Does your bug culture
have ghosts?
Yes.

Has it had any hit movies
about busting ghosts

successful enough to generate
sequels and cartoons?

Of course.

Well, an unlikely ally
would be like a ghost

that hangs out
with the ghostbusters.

Okay, that is the most offensive
job offer I've ever received.

More offensive than death?

Good luck with that.
[ Inhales ]

Wait, so he's too cool
to be a Slimer,

but he's asthmatic?

[ Gurgling and roaring ]

Aah! [ Grunts ]

Aah!

That's... new.

[ Belches ]
A super-soldier formula?

I said "new" not
"creatively trailblazing."

[ Inhaling ]

[ Growling ]

[ Grunts ]

Ugh!

Ah!

Aah!
Jesus Christ.

[ Screams ]

I hope k*lling these things
is leveling us up.

It's some kind of
suped-up fungus.

What? Should we be
wearing masks?

Nah, we're fine.
It's a bug problem.

These little guys
don't affect mammals.

Why would they?

It's a highly evolved
symbiote.

Its goal is
galactic domination,

so why would it want to be
hosted by sh*t-flinging monkeys

from a planet
named after dirt?

Wow!
We're disease bragging now?

That fungus is no disease.
It's the cure.

My species has been wasting
away for generations.

We're being led by a--
Yeah, yeah.

Millennials k*lled
Blockbuster Video.

Just tell my daughter
why you whacked your own queen.

Her Majesty refused
to distribute my medicine.

So I had her k*lled
in secret

and replaced with a robot Queen
who will.

All of Gromflom One
will gather for her birthday,

and all will
receive a gift!

That's not how birthdays work, dipshit.

How about this
for a birthday?

Close airlock seven!

[ Screaming ]

You really don't know me,
do you?

And you don't know me.

Or the various sizes
of bugs!

Ultromflomites,
attack!

[ Growling ]

Behold the Gromflomites
of the future.

Soon we will reign again!

He's getting away!

And living rent-free
in your head!

[ Laughs ]

Rick: Whoa!

[ Growling ]

Ahh! Ugh!

Ah, so much
for my f*cking break.

Aah!

[ Screams ]

♪

Toro, toro!

Olé!

[ Groans ]

[ Sighs ]

What was that "rent-free
in your head" sh*t?

It's dumb people saying
something meaningless

'cause they've learned
a new phrase.

It just means you're
thinking about something!

Focus, Dad!
The queen is a spore b*mb.

Ooh, you better call
the Defiance.

Why, so they can
form a committee?

You don't want
your old job back?

No, Dad,
the Defiance sucks,

but that doctor keeps
trying to k*ll me,

he is not getting the "W."

Oh, God.
I'm turning into my father.

That's all you had to say, partner.

Alright,
should be pretty easy.

We get in undetected,
find the spore b*mb,

and portal it out of there.
Step one--

we blend in
as bugs working for

the Department
of Transportation.

My guy Cisco will be
at the back door at 7:00 a.m.

- Who's Cisco?
- My inside man. Don't worry.

Okay, but what
if he doesn't show up?

What's that supposed to mean?
You don't even know Cisco.

Which is very concerning

since this plan seems
very dependent on him.

- So let me finish the plan.
- Fine.

Step two-- Cisco provides us
with security credentials

for the maintenance tunnels.

And if he doesn't show,
what's our backup plan?

I use Cisco so that
I don't need a backup plan.

[ Doorbell rings ]
What's that?

We ordered food,
remember?

I've never heard of
this Cisco guy in my life

and all of a sudden he's the
most reliable person ever born.

[ Belches ] Maybe I work with
more reliable people than you.

Make sure my fries
are there.

Thank you.
Oh, wait, are there fries?

Oh, okay, I see them.
Thank you.

Where were we?
Step three--

we quickly and quietly patch
into the surveillance grid.

Wait.
How 'd we get there?

With the credentials
we got from Cisco.

So in other words,
if Cisco--

Cisco has never
not shown up!

Can I just ask,
what does someone have to do

to achieve the level of trust
you place in this random man?

- I trust plenty of people.
- Name two.

Uh, easy--
Birdperson and Cisco.

Cisco's at the same level
as Birdperson?!

Yeah.
He listens to my plans.

Well, I guess
I would, too,

if I was the pivotal
g*dd*mn participant.

That's all this is?
You're jealous of Cisco?

I don't want to rely on him.
If he doesn't show up at 7:00,

we're two humans in
bug costumes banging on a door

until the cops find us,
then we're running and gunning.

We're not going to be
running or gunning

at any point in this plan.

It's gonna be you, me, and
Cisco staying under the radar

and preventing
a coronation catastrophe.

[ Beep, air hissing ]

[ Both roaring ]

[ Screaming ]

[ Space Beth grunting ]

♪

Oh, sh*t.

- Freeze!
- Don't move!

Hands in the air!
Huh.

[ Burps ] I don't know
what got into Cisco.

This may be unpopular,
but the Queen was a b*tch.

I mean, big deal,
you had a billion kids.

Did you find them?

We're kinda hard to miss.

Stay back or die!
Yeah! Listen to him.

Why?!
She's infected!

Bullshit!
She would've turned.

Ya think I normally
look like this?!

I mean, maybe.
I-I don't know you.

I need your labs,
your data,

everything you've got
on this thing.

Stop pointing a g*n
at me!

Stop pointing a g*n
at me!

[ Coughing wetly ]

Can-- Can you cover
your mouth?

So it's true?
You're infected?

It obviously affects
mammals slower,

but, yeah,
it's jumped species.

Then perhaps in you
lies the cure.

Was stepping from the shadows
meant to give that more weight?

No, my pen rolled
into the corner.

But even if you do cure it,

our scanners show
a big, scary,

dramatic spore hive
growing deep underground.

Real, you know,
final-boss vibes.

They're building
an ultra army.

Kinda what I just said,

but looks like we both
need an antidote.

So, tenuous alliance?

Oh!
Unlikely allies!

We got our Slimer!

Dad?
Am I growing a...

horn?

Yeah. Uh, just relax.
I'm working on it.

I can feel them...
the hive...

Uh! Kinda funny, huh?

I hate
working with others...

but now the collective
is calling me...

[ Belches ] Maybe send that sh*t
to voicemail, sweetie.

[ Groans ]

Cadet, for your service,

the Federation stands
scrung in scrung with you.

[ Air hissing ]

[ Sneezes, growls ]

Rick: Yes!

[ Alarm blaring ]

Huh. [ Belches ]
Thought that would be it.

Don't sweat it. We're long on
bugs and short on ethics.

I mean,
if I gotta be fascist...

♪

Ow! sh*t!
What the hell?

Oh, sorry, sorry,

I brought in my rotating
math projector light.

Put it back
in your decoration bin.

[ Growls ]

Aah!

Holy sh*t!
You did it!

The projector helped!

Wait. Does this mean
my family won't get paid?

I told them my death
would pay for college.

Oh, you'll die.
[ Chuckles ]

You all die, eventually.

Look, I know it might suck
to be my daughter sometimes,

but there are some perks
to being related.

Ughhh... Dad...

[ Grunting ]

Ugh. All right.
I'm still human.

I like boobs.
I like boob milk.

Oh, no.
I-I like jelly.

I want nutritious jelly!

Agh!
Ah, I want boob milk.

Ah, I like boobs.

[ Groans ]
Turn on the cash!

W-What?
Never mind, I'll do it.

[ Bell dinging ]

I'm cured, baby!
Cured human Rick!

[ Gagging ]

Oh, sh*t. Sorry, Beth.
Daddy's coming!

♪

Damn.
Small attack squad.

You k*lled a lot of us.

Well, who else
would be down for this?

I mean, it is "bring your
daughter to work" day.

[ Gasping ]

"Bring your daughter
to work day"?

It's my work, Dad.

You were sitting on that one
for the last six hours?

Thank you, Rick.

It is rare to find something
Bird Daughter likes.

Mask up, boys!

These puppies have
triple spore filters.

Should keep us
fungus-free.

Time to deliver
the payload.

Is the payload a b*mb
or a cure?

Who cares?
It's a payload.

♪

[ Beeping ]

I think it's time we remove
Gene from the text thread.

You can't respond.
It only feeds the beast.

Speaking of beasts,
I see you are parenting as well.

Oh, she called me.

I'm trying
not to blow it.

You and me both.

This way.

♪

[ Fast beeping ]

[ Roaring ]

She led us into a trap!

What trap?!
Didn't you want to die?

Protect the payload!

♪

- Aaaah!
- Aaah!

[ Groans ]

[ Grunting ]

♪

[ Screams ]

Yes! Yes!
I'm gonna be dead!

Bug State,
here my son comes!

[ Snarling ]

L-Let's all
make an effort to check

on that guy's kid
in college.

Bug pact!

♪

[ Grunting ]

[ Laughs ]

Aww, look at that.

I think she is having
a good time.

[ Rumbling ]

Don't start
celebrating yet.

♪

[ Sniffs ]

[ Roaring ]

Let's f*cking goooooooooo!

She gets it from her mother.
[ Screeches ]

Glad you picked up
my call, Dad.

Uh, glad you called.

We don't have to do it
all the time.

♪

[ Screaming ]

[ Grunts ]

[ Roars ] Oh!

General! Aah!
No, no, no!

[ Groans ]

♪

[ Inhales shakily ]

Check out the scrung
on this guy! Ha, ha!

Now you've got it!

[ Laughing ]

This f*cking guy?

Yes!
It's me again!

I warned you I had
different-sized bugs.

That was foreshadowing.
Every hive needs a mind.

And in those minds will be me,
paying no rent at all.

I might even charge rent!

Quite a birthday, no?

This guy's brain
is cooked.

Attack!

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Oh, sh*t!

Oh, oh, moving fast!

Smash!
[ Grunts ]

Beth!

[ Rick roars ]

Ah!

You can cut all the heads
off you like!

You'll never be rid of me!

[ Laughing ]

Agh! What! No!
Stop laughing, you idiot!

[ Grunts ]
Oh! Oh, sh*t!

Put me back on top!
Put me back on top!

Agh! God!
Not like that!

♪

[ Both grunting ]

No! Who said you could bring
a payload in here?!

General Ronkonkomus Joe:
Move, move, move!

No one gets to say the phrase
"rent free" after I die.

It dies with me.

I did everything
you could do with it!

Aaah! Rent free!
Rent freeeee!

[ Screaming ]

Ugh!

So, can I k*ll these guys?
Is the truce over?

I don't know.
Is it?

Perhaps we Gromflomites
can change...

without having to transform
into giant monsters.

I'm sure the Defiance
would be interested in that.

Get a room.

Ha. Ha.
I had fun.

[ Crowd cheering ]

Today I am proud
to honor heroes from both sides

on what will forever mark
the dawn of a new age.

Not that we're gonna
be doing this every week.

I mean,
hopefully never again actually.

Congratulations.

The Defiance owes you two
a debt of gratitude.

Rick, pretty cool to see you
working with your daughter.

Pretty... hot.

Uh, oh, okay.
Y-yeah. Yeah.

Please don't f*ck
my co-workers.

Uh, hey, you called me.

♪

Oh, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t,
sh*t, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

Oh, sh*t!

Cisco,
what's wrong, baby?

Remember the space guy
who paid me all that money

to do that thing?!
Yeah.

Well, I missed
the g*dd*mn thing!

Did the space guy know
you had a drug problem?

Well, I-I didn't
before I met you, Sandy!

Hey!

Aw, sorry.
I shouldn't blame you.

It's okay.

More drugs?

Yes, please.

[ Motorboating ]

Did you get any of that?