07x27 - The Big Apple

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- Own up to your bullshit.

- Don't act like I'm stupid, sweetie.

I'm an A f*cking student.

- What?

- I'm sorry, Sam, for talking bad about you.

Hopefully our next vacation will

just be a blast in the glass.

- I was thinking of a little bit of a trip

with the squad for a day?

- I think New York City is reasonable because I

could see it from the window.

- It's happening.

- Going to New York City.

- We're going to multiple locations.

- Come on, Big Apple.

- The pizza has been ordered.

- "Hey, roomies, let's do a trip to New York City."

This New York City trip is literally right in the middle

of my embryo transfer.

- Wait to the day of and text them like, you're sick.

- I don't want anybody to know until after.

- I started doing stand-up comedy.

- I have a show tomorrow.

It's going to be my first show where my roommates come.

- Am I invited?

- No, it's just the roommates - What the f*ck?

- Hey, guys.

- Change in plans.

Baby number three is coming today.

- Honey, we got to go. - All right, we got to go.

[upbeat music]

- Yeah, buddy!

- Party's here!

- The Situation is under construction.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the frig out of here, you crazy!

- Um, hello?

- I'm still the sweetest b*tch you'll ever meet.

♪ ♪

- ♪ Come on, baby, you're moving too slow, baby ♪

♪ Come on, I don't have no time ♪

- Honey, come on up.

I need your help with my bag. - OK.

- ♪ You know I got things to do and places to be ♪

- We got to get out of here.

The baby, technically, is a couple of weeks early.

- All right, it's time to go.

- New York City is the next trip with the roomies.

I mean, technically, this is Big Daddy Sitch's trip.

But things have just totally changed in hours.

And we're going to be going to the hospital

because I got a baby coming right now.

All right, honey, let's go.

It's happening.

Oh, son of a b*tch.

I've got to make some sandwiches.

- Oh my god.

We're supposed to be there in, like, minutes.

I'm not surprised my husband wants to pack a bag of foods

right now.

This is his priority.

This is like his game day.

- ♪ Damn, look what I just did, Steph Curry ♪

- I can't have a sandwich without mortadella.

OK.

I found some rainbow cookies.

Take some of them.

- Oh my goodness.

- All right, let's go, honey.

I did have plans to go to New York City today,

but it's just not happening, honey.

Today is baby day.

- You might want to tell them something.

- Well, good news is I brought the mortadella sandwich, honey.

- Ready?

I'll show you what I'm driving to New York City.

Ta-da.

- Babe, what the hell?

This is for you?

- We are meeting at Mike's house,

so I rented a Sprinter to pick up all the roomies

to go to New York City.

- I love you, baby.

- I love you.

- Be safe.

- Toodles.

I'll call you if I crash.

- All right, baby.

[horn honking]

- Oh, my.

- The time has come for baby number three.

- Yeah.

This is three babies three years in a row.

I think we might have to--

we're going to have to slow up on that.

I mean, listen, me and my wife is back to back to back.

The last time y'all seen that was like the Bulls in '.

- ♪ I wouldn't change all the nights ♪

- Oh my goodness.

I'm anxious.

It is happening.

I'm about to be a mom of three at any moment.

- ♪ Our dream came true ♪

- Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Now, I'm sweaty.

I love the fact that Mike wants to bring us

to New York City, because I've never really done

the touristy New York thing.

- Dee? - Hi.

- I rented the mom bus.

- Well, at least it's spacious.

- And I'm so excited to see Vinny perform tonight.

- I've been taking these, like, stand-up comedy classes.

And I have a graduation show.

So I want everyone to come.

- Is everybody else supposed to be here?

- They are.

Angelina is running behind.

I have to call Nicole to pick her up.

- And then Sam too, right?

- And Sam's supposed to be here, too.

- It looks like no one's home.

- He knows they're supposed to be here.

Have you talked to him?

- I haven't.

- I'm just going to FaceTime him.

Where are you?

Hey, we're outside your house. - Hey.

We are having this baby pretty much, like,

any minute right now. - Oh my god.

- Oh my god.

- Have fun in New York City, guys.

Sorry I couldn't make it. - I love you guys.

- Love you.

Congratulations.

- And I will text you guys when we actually have the baby.

- Bye.

- I can't believe they're having the baby.

- I'm going to FaceTime Nicole.

- OK.

- Ma'am, what is going on?

- Why? - Why?

What are you doing?

- I feel like sh*t that I'm missing this trip

because I wanted to go so bad.

I hate missing things with my roommates because I have FOMO.

But at the end of the day, my kids are, like,

so freaking sick, and I cannot leave

them because I'm going to feel like a sh*t-a*s mom.

- Don't get sick. Bye, girl.

- Bye.

- Hey, girl. - Hey.

- Mike just went to the hospital

because they're having the baby.

- Get the f*ck out of here. That quickly?

- It's, like, happening.

- Was it supposed to happen this quick?

- No. - She's early.

- Perfect timing, Mike.

Like, you booked this whole thing, and now you're not--

like, listen, I know he's having a baby, but Jesus.

- Also, Nicole's not making it.

- Why not?

- Her kids are sick.

It's just so crazy.

This is the closest trip possible,

but everybody's dropping like flies.

- All right, hold on.

Let me call Sam.

- Are you ready for the big day?

- Yeah.

I'm nervous.

Like, this could be, "could be,"

hopes up, like, a new beginning

for me and you.

I'm not going to New York City because we are going

to do our embryo transfer, which is basically

where they put the embryo inside you

to hopefully get pregnant.

If it works, on the next trip hopefully

we can tell everybody.

- That'll be a big surprise.

They'll all be happy. - Yeah.

Nobody would be expecting it.

I'm keeping it a secret because if it doesn't work,

I don't want to tell anybody because it would be sad.

- One day you'll tell them, and then they'll understand

why you weren't there.

- Yeah, hopefully.

I'm just going to tell them I'm sick.

I have this stomach virus and keep it at that.

This day, like, is the tell all, like, if it's going

to work or not, you know?

So that makes me nervous.

[phone ringing]

- Sammi's not answering. - My god.

- No.

- What is happening?

[phone chimes] No.

- What? She's not coming?

- "I can't even answer the phone.

"I feel like death.

"I was up all night sick.

"I'm not going to be able to make it today.

I'm so sorry."

- What is happening today?

- I don't know, dude.

- Sick f*cking New York City trip.

Why the f*ck did I rent this big-a*s van for three people?

- [coughs, laughs]

- You have a croup cough.

- Leave me alone. - That is croupy.

- Are you OK?

[coughs] - Do you hear her?

- Leave me alone.

- It sounds like she has kennel cough.

[laughs]

- What does she think, I was in a dog cage all night?

- OK, here we go.

- All right, I'm sitting in the back.

I don't want to go too close to you guys.

- Yeah, since you have the f*cking bubonic plague.

- What is happening? - Why are you here?

- [coughs]

Whoops. Sorry, guys.

I'm in the back f*cking subliminal hole back here,

like a f*cking d*ck.

- Croupa dupe.

- I am definitely ready to see Vinny tell some jokes.

- ♪ Am I walking in someone else's street? ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na ♪

- You know, stand-up comedy has been

a lifelong dream of mine.

And I'm doing it for the first time tonight

in front of my roommates.

So it makes this moment heavier.

All right.

Hello. - Hey, how are you doing?

- That's me.

- Yeah, you.

A friend, Mike, reserved it for you?

- Yes. Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah. This is you.

- A tour bus?

- Sure.

- I can tell that this day is going to be a circus.

- Yo, what up?

- This is some tourist sh*t right here, bro.

- I was trying to be low profile, you know?

- You really pulled out the good accommodations over here.

- I did.

I don't think that I could make New York City

because we're about to have baby number three right now.

- Oh my god.

Congratulations, bro.

That's so great.

- Obviously, I can't have a baby

and be in New York City at the same time.

- Well, we'll hold it down for you over here.

- All right. See you later.

- So you ready to go? - I'm ready to rock.

Let's do it. Let's do it.

- Come on in. Let's go.

- It's better than the train, you know?

- Yeah, it is. - It's like my own yacht.

OK.

This is not embarrassing at all.

- There could be a little Justin

or Sammi running around here--

- I know.

- --next year at this time.

- See, that's nervous.

- Yeah, like, that's scary.

I am feeling a little bit of everything.

I'm hopeful. I'm nervous.

I'm so scared

- Ready, babe?

- Because I feel like all we have is three embryos.

So if this doesn't work, then we're only left with two,

and you just don't know what the future will hold.

So it's kind of like a nerve-racking thing.

You don't know if it's going to work.

You're just praying for the best.

You just don't know.

What a crappy, rainy day it is today.

But who cares?

It's my embryo transfer day, and this is a very

special day for us both.

- ♪ Because everything I want is ♪

- I'm, like, scared.

I'm not going to lie.

My life could possibly change forever from this moment on.

- New York City, yeah.

- Whoo!

We're going to the top of the rock.

- Whoa.

- Wait, I wasn't ready.

- So Mike made quite the tour today.

Are we going to another frickin' pizza place?

- [laughs]

- I'll be on stage tonight, like, laying down like, help.

- Give it up for Vinny G.

- I'm a little nervous, always, like, unknowns

of what's going to happen.

- What up? What up?

- Break a leg, Vinny.

[upbeat funky music]

- So Sam's not coming.

Mike's not coming.

And Nicole's not coming. - Nope.

- Wow.

We think Pauly's on a flight?

- I hope Pauly's on the flight.

- I don't know.

- Please don't leave your luggage unattended

at all times.

- I'm on tour right now, but I will

do whatever it takes to meet my roomies

for a nice little vacation.

And I love New York City this time of year.

[horn honking]

Going to The Big Apple.

I think I see Vinny's place from here.

- Now, on your right, we are in the West Village.

The West Village is a quiet, quaint area of New York,

cobblestone streets.

You may have seen it on "Sex in the City."

[phone rings]

Hello?

- Hey, Vin.

So we are on our way.

Are you excited for tonight?

- Yeah.

- I'm excited, your biggest fan.

- Yeah, but, you know.

I kind of get a little nervous when they say, I'm so excited,

because you never know how it's going to go.

There's always, like, unknowns of what's going to happen.

Are you going to be funny? Is you're joke going to land?

Are you going to forget the first three words that you say?

- You know we all think you're so funny.

- [coughs, laughs]

- Oh my god. - Angelina sounds--

- You honked again.

- Angelina literally sounds like she has kennel cough.

- Leave me alone.

- She sounds like f*cking croup.

Don't hug her. - Leave me alone.

- All right, we are on our way.

- Just meet me at the hotel because Mike got me a ride.

- Wait, he got you a car?

Like, a real car?

- Can we go to, like, Rockefeller

Center or something?

- Oh that's such a tourist trap.

I hate doing touristy things.

- Yeah, well--

- All right. - Bye.

- Talk to you soon. - All right, bye.

- Bye.

- Hope no one sees me.

- I am low-key in New York City.

This is embarrassing.

I live here.

I don't want anybody looking at me.

- Yeah.

I'm hiding all the time.

And now all of a sudden, I'm on a sidewalk

in front of a f*cking double-decker megabus.

- f*ck you.

- What the f*ck is this?

Are we getting a tour bus?

- You ladies need a ride? - Is this--

- No.

- Is this what Mike got you?

- Is this what you came here on?

- Yeah.

- Didn't you just say, I don't want to do the touristy thing?

- I know.

- This is the most touristy thing.

- Mike booked it.

Where's Sam?

- Sam is sick. - Nicole?

- Kids are sick. - Kids are sick.

- Mike-- - Baby.

- Having a baby.

- Yes, I know about the baby.

So it's just us?

Oh my god, this is the LA crew.

- This is the LA crew.

- On a tour bus.

- Let's go down to Sunset Boulevard.

This is Sunset Strip in West Hollywood.

Hi. How are you doing?

[loud bang]

- Oh my god.

- Oh, someone just threw something at us.

- Is Pauly coming? - That's f*cking weird.

- Did you talk to Pauly?

- We're going to meet Pauly, yeah.

- OK.

- Oh, damn, Secaucus. [laughs]

That's where Ronnie got jumped.

- Show him.

- Where? - Secaucus.

- What a sin.

- In Secaucus?

- Yeah, bro.

- f*ck.

Secaucus?

- Let's stay away from Secaucus.

- ♪ Yo, a mother[...] from the NYC ♪

♪ g*ns and cars ♪

♪ Rubber bands on our money ♪

♪ Drugs in the jars ♪

- Oh, damn. - What?

- We got Italian pizza. - Oh, crap.

- Little Italy.

- Oh, wow.

- Thanks.

- Thank you. - Thanks.

- You ladies.

- That's pretty cool.

- What the f*ck?

This bus was originally intended for Mike.

- I have a very large party coming into New York City.

We're going to multiple locations.

And I would like pizza to be delivered at each spot.

- Don't mind if I do.

- And if Mike was here, that means that there was going

to be a bunch of pizzas here.

- New York pizza.

- At least it's New York pizza. - When in Rome.

- Well, Mike's missing out.

- This is good pizza.

- I feel like I'm officially a tourist of New York City,

where I kind of grew up at.

- I want to go to Rockefeller Center.

- But this is the opportunity to just

soak it in and enjoy New York City, for what it's worth.

- So, Vin, show us around.

- OK.

And on the right, we're passing Madison Square Garden.

- Ooh, lots of fun stuff there. - Where the Knicks play--

- Vinny loves that. - --and the New York Rangers.

On the right is the Empire State Building.

I ran up that all the way to the top.

- I got engaged there. - Oh, yeah, you did.

- Guys, give them a round of applause.

I mean, it's amazing.

It sucks that we weren't there.

I'm sure you took her to the top of the Empire State

Building, you got down on one knee, and you said, Jenni,

can I borrow your credit card?

- Oh my god.

[phone rings]

- Oh, guys, Pauly's calling me.

- Is he here?

- Yo. - Hey.

- We're on a tour bus. - It's so cold.

- I think you're meeting us at Rock.

- Rockefeller Center.

- OK, Rockefeller Center.

- Oh my god.

- All right, bye.

- Ooh, look at that souvenir shop.

Souvenir shop.

- Sit down. I don't know her.

I don't know her.

- Right there.

I feel like it's a necessity when you're in New York.

- Are we really going into a f*cking souvenir shop?

- You have to stop at a souvenir shop.

- Vinny, you're dying inside, aren't you?

- Yeah. - I wanted everyone to get.

"I Love New York" shirts because I

want all of us to match and take a cute family photo.

- Vinny wants the gray. - Did you say you're this?

- You have to do that when you're in New York.

- I'm a large.

- Well, you look more like a medium.

- You look like small. - Shut up.

- Medium. - Medium.

- It feels like we're at the T-shirt shop.

- Yeah.

- Maybe we should get jobs here for the summer.

- Everyone is going to look so good in the shirts

at the top of Rock.

And I am so excited.

- Oh my god, they have more pizza coming.

- What? - More pizza?

- Wow. - What the hell?

- Is this serious?

- We just had pizza. - We just had--

- This feels hot.

- Oh my god.

Is it warm?

- Is this a joke at this point?

- Not with Michael, it isn't.

- Thank you.

- She keeps saying ladies, like I'm not here.

Mike is just being obnoxious at this point.

- I hope I ordered enough food, honey.

- Get it, Vin.

He is unemployed from the stripping right now.

- Eat that.

- It definitely turned into a cheat day

- No, you definitely are hungry.

- Whatever.

Vinny's more fun when he's on cheat day.

- All right, give me some white wine.

Just kidding.

- Yay! - Yay!

- What's up, New York City?

I love Rockefeller Center this time of year.

- That kind of sounds like Pauly.

- Yeah, what was that? Was that him?

- Probably.

- Oh, yeah, New York City, yeah.

- ♪ Step into the page and misbehave ♪

- ♪ Oh, oh, oh, I'm living free ♪

- Angelo, I'm k*lling the germs.

Say, go away, germies

- Say, we don't want to be sick.

- I'm stuck with my kids that are sick.

I feel like I'm going to be sick soon.

I don't want to get sick.

I mean, anything for my kids, but I hate this.

Honey, are you OK?

What hurts?

- Do you want anything to eat?

- You want soup?

OK, honey.

- Well, no, not if all of you are sick.

I'm really, you know, sad that I'm missing this New York

City trip because I don't know what's happening,

and I have FOMO.

I'll go make you some soup.

- You know, that's mom life.

And I'm not complaining about it.

I love being a mom.

I wish I was in the city.

But it sucks.

Gigi?

- You wanted orange juice?

- Yes, freshly squeezed.

- You want freshly squeezed orange juice?

- What is this, a bed and breakfast?

- Oh, yeah!

New York City, yeah!

- Whoo!

Tourists in Rockefeller Center, b*tch.

- I love Rockefeller Center this time of year.

- That kind of sounded like Pauly.

- Yeah, what was that?

- Oh, yeah.

- This is just, like, becoming like a huge spectacle.

- Yeah.

- Uh-oh.

- Oh my god, I hear him already.

- Where my room-- oh, there they are.

- Hi. - Hi.

Good to see you.

- Welcome to touristy day.

- What are you guys doing in the city?

- We're going to go all the way up.

- Over there? - All the way up where?

- We're going to the top of the Rock.

- Hey, where's everybody? - Sam's sick.

Nicole is sick.

- Mike's at the hospital right now.

They might be having the baby.

- Oh my god.

Mike is about to have baby number three.

That's a full house.

- Are you guys ready?

We're going to head up to the Rock.

- Let's go get high. - Don't you live here?

Let's just go to your house.

- Stupid.

We're going to go all the way up to the top of the Rock

and redoing a picture of all the workers

on a beam looking over Manhattan.

- Welcome to top of the Rock.

- Hey, top of the rock to you.

- Wow, we're high.

- We're feet in the air.

- Wow.

This is cool. - Wow.

- Look, there's the Statue of Liberty

- Where?

- Right there.

There's the Statue of Liberty, right there.

- No, it's not. - Right there.

- That's not the real one. - Yes, it is.

- Nu-uh. The real one's in New York.

- [laughs]

- Stupid.

- I know we're in New York, but let's be real.

We really love New Jersey.

- Oh my.

- What the f*ck?

- That's sacrilegious.

- We just went to the store and got these.

- We just got New York.

- Make up your mind.

Which is it, Jersey or New York?

- Are we in New Jersey?

Are we in New York?

I am so f*cking confused right now.

- So I figured we could do an ultimate crossover picture,

New Jersey and New York.

- Let's dress them up like jerk-offs.

It'll be funny.

- I feel like the "I Love New Jersey" shirts just,

like, show more of who we are.

- This actually is the sickest photo right here.

This is the way to do it.

- You guys ready to go to the beam?

- OK, ready for the real one.

- The beam is an iconic staple of Rockefeller Center.

When it was built, a bunch of guys took a lunch break

and ate on just this floating beam.

- You guys know where the top of the Rock is?

I'll check it out.

- These m*therf*ckers were fearless.

Well, you're just sitting there eating your sandwich,

almost in the air, looking like you don't

have a care in the world.

Oh, this is crazy up here.

- I don't want to reenact these m*therf*ckers.

- Why is it scarier on the far left?

- Oh, there's multiple beams.

- Did half of them live?

I hope so because I want to live.

- I need to grab someone.

I'm sorry.

I'm petrified of heights, so this is just right up my alley.

- Act like you've never been on a beam before.

- Top of f*cking Rockefeller Center, feet in the air.

- I need you guys to put your feet at the bottom of the beam.

- Outside with crazy winds.

- Jenni, are you good?

- What could go wrong?

- Are you guys ready? - Yeah.

- ♪ For the show - Oh!

- Wait.

I wasn't ready.

- We're not doing this.

- I wasn't ready.

Just remember, I'm scared of heights.

- Vinny, please.

- This is so cool.

Look at me, man.

Whoo.

- I'm like, scared to move.

[phone ringing]

- If that's for me, I'm not here.

- Oh, it's Mike.

Yo, what up, bro?

- Nothing to see here, just beaming out.

- What are you guys doing on the beam?

- Yo, we're at the top of the Rock.

- Oh my god.

Listen, we had the baby.

[all cheering]

- We had the baby!

- We did it, yo.

We did it.

- A major life event has just occurred,

Luna Lucia Sorrentino, born pounds, ounces.

- Aww. - Hi, Lauren.

You did great.

- What a blessing.

You know, three babies, blessings on blessings

on blessings right there.

Oh, my god.

[gentle music]

- ♪ Things might be changing ♪

♪ Love is still the same ♪

- I just got embryo transfers, and what a cool procedure,

honestly, this whole thing.

It only takes like minutes.

I can't believe we're home already.

It's super-fast.

And then you leave the doctor's office, technically,

like pregnant.

- A little embryo picture.

- I can't believe it's in me.

- You want to go lie down?

- Look at our guy.

- I know.

He kind of looks like me.

You all right?

- So the first, like, few days, you feel exhausted.

All right, I just want to lay down, so--

- All right.

You need anything?

- And it could just be your hormones are now

changing and fluctuating, and there's

things going on in there.

This is where I'm literally going

to be for the next two days.

I'm not moving.

- All right.

- I have to rest for basically the next, like, hours.

And then you find out if you're pregnant ten days later.

- All right, you get some rest.

- Rest.

♪ ♪

- ♪ I don't really think you're ready ♪

♪ For what's coming now ♪

♪ When we show up in the city ♪

♪ We going to shut it down ♪

♪ Shut it down ♪

- The Situation's family just got bigger by another one.

- She's so tiny.

- Congratulations, Mike and Lauren.

- This is epic, like, best time to get this news.

- Look at how cute this little baby is, honey.

all: Aw.

- Now, forever, we can tell everybody that we met baby Luna

when we were dangling from a beam

up in the air in New York City.

- It looks just like Mia Bella. - I know.

- I'm having déjà vu. He just had one.

- [laughs]

- She is adorable.

I will text you guys later on group chat.

I love you guys.

- Congrats.

- Congratulations.

- I'm pretty sure we're going back on the bus.

- This is our ride? - Yes.

- Tour bus is here.

- ♪ Right side in the VIP ♪

♪ Because we the hottest ♪

- Wait, Mike sent this?

- Leave it here. Sorry about that.

- Mike sent us so much food.

And he's not even here.

- That was the third delivery of one,

two, three, four, five pizzas.

- Boy, that boy knows how to eat.

- Mike, what in the f*ck?

- Whenever I smell that pizza, I'm like, ooh, I want a slice.

But I'm not hungry.

- This is not normal at this point.

- I wonder where Mike has us going next.

- Probably somewhere with food.

- Take us there.

Driver, let's take us to the next stop, please.

Thank you.

- So how was your show in Miami?

- Oh my goodness.

Miami was next level.

But I was in Vegas the night before, spring break,

then did Miami, New York a couple days, back to Vegas

to do-- - Oh my god.

- Yeah.

- I don't know how you function.

- Neither do I. - He's a robot.

- Needless to say, this blowout has lasted three days so far,

and it's top of the Rock proof, I just found out.

- Beam-proof. - Beam-proof.

- [laughs]

Oh, yeah, so I'm doing this, like, with my DJing stuff,

like my visuals and, like, the photos, I'm doing,

like, a whole, like, rebrand.

Like, it's still DJ Pauly D, but I'm

getting, like, a new logo, new visuals for the shows.

We did like a photo sh**t.

- ♪ Step into the page and misbehave ♪

- The first round of photos came out sick.

We did some weird photos.

Like, you guys are going to laugh.

I took some in the tub.

- Oh. - In the tub?

- But the tub was filled with ba*ls.

- Wait--

- What kind of ba*ls? - What?

- Like, the bouncy ball, like the--

- The bouncy ba*ls?

- Like, like when you jump in the tub of ba*ls.

- Like in a kid's ball? - I'm so confused.

- Pauly, you lost me.

- Were you naked? - No.

But it looked like I was.

- Were your n*pples out?

- They were.

- [laughs]

- Like a jungle gym.

- Yes, those ba*ls, the one where you

cut your whole cooter in half.

- Oh my god.

- Go, Mommy, go.

- Oh, Deena. - Oh!

- My vag*na.

- Split it right down the middle.

- How can I forget about that?

- We took some weird ones.

I don't know if I'm going to use that one.

But we're trying stuff.

- He's like, guys, I'm doing this new rebrand.

It's in my bathtub.

- With kiddy ba*ls. - I'm in kiddy ba*ls.

[laughter]

- You better laugh like this tonight, Angelina.

- [laughing]

The show is at :.

- Do you want someone laughing like that?

- Shut up.

- I mean, honestly, laughing is better than silence.

But that's crazy.

I'm not going to lie.

I'm getting a little bit nervous.

In comedy, sometimes there's good crowds.

Sometimes there's bad crowd.

- [laughing]

[laughter]

[breezy music]

- Mommy's making soup.

All my fricking kids have fevers.

So I've been in the kitchen all day

trying to make the soup for the kids.

God, it looks like diarrhea.

I mean, I'm not Martha Stewart.

This is not going great.

[gags]

But I'm trying to, like, cater to my kids right now.

This actually looks good.

Because obviously, I hate to see them sick.

Angelo, are you OK?

I mean, this is mom life.

Hi, munchkin.

Mommy made you homemade soup.

- What kind of soup do you want?

- Canned soup?

- From the can?

- I mean, come on now.

You want this?

- Pancakes.

OK.

- I mean, I could be in the city right now,

having a martini.

- ♪ Come get some ♪

♪ We show up and show out ♪

♪ Shut down all that wannabe clout ♪

♪ We make our own lanes and own routes ♪

- So wait, why are we stopping?

- Yeah, why are we stopping? - I don't know.

Let me go ask the bus driver.

Hold on.

Hey, why did we stop?

- Mike said your next location was

here at Little Italy's Pizza.

- Another pizzeria?

Are you serious?

- It's on the schedule, buddy.

- Mike put another food edition on this tour,

and now, we're not getting pizza delivered to us.

We have to go into a pizza place.

- Wait, so we're getting off? - Yeah.

- Wait, what?

Is this, like, a pizza review? - [laughs]

- I feel like Mike has really good intentions, but--

- We've already had pizzas today.

- --I am pizza-ed the F out.

Another pizza place?

[laughter]

I can't eat any more pizza.

- Pizza. - Again.

- There's a lot of pizza.

- I'm saying, we should eat a bite of this

and then take it to go.

- We're not just going to just come in here

and just not eat any pizza.

- Just one bite, right?

- A New York slice.

- We all want to be respectful, so we're going

to take a couple of bites.

- I'm going to start Ozempic like after this.

- But I'm probably never going want to have

pizza again because of Mike.

Thank you, you f*ck. - Oh my gosh.

Is there more?

- Yes, five pies.

- Whoa. - Holy moly.

- This is ill*gal.

- It's painful.

- All right, guys, let's go.

Let's go see what's next.

- We're having a pizza party.

We're having a pizza party.

Look at all this pizza.

We're having a pizza party.

- So Mike made quite the tour today.

I wonder what's next on his list.

Are we going to another fricking pizza place?

Like, where are we going?

- I guess it's Beauty & Essex.

That's the only thing I can see.

- Are you f*cking kidding me? - How bad can it be?

It's just dinner.

- I'll be on stage tonight, like laying down, like, help.

- This is terrible.

- I think we're going to go head to dinner, even though

we had , pizzas today.

- Come on, guys. - Oh my god.

- It's New York. They don't play.

- Is this it? - Yeah.

It's a speakeasy. So--

- That's what I was going to say.

- You have to go through, like, the little pawnshop.

- The pawnshop. - There's a porn shop, guys.

- I don't know the code.

Do you?

- I love watching porn. - Hello.

Hello.

- Thank you. - Oh, this is beautiful.

- Oh, this is perfect.

- So your friend Mike did pre-order

all of your courses tonight.

- Oh, figures.

- Thank you for calling Beauty & Essex.

How can I help you?

- All right, we're going to break out the fine china.

We want a five-course meal for the squad.

They're definitely going to be hungry.

- Wait a second.

This isn't the menu?

This is everything he ordered?

- Yeah, so the whole entire menu

is basically going to come out in the center of the table.

- Are you serious?

- Enough for everybody to share.

- OK.

- What?

Like, what is happening here?

[phone chimes]

- Meilani.

- [laughing]

- Meilani's texting me that she has tea.

This is what happens when you have a nine-year-old.

[phone rings]

- Can you guys hold on a second?

- Ooh, let's hear it. Let's hear it.

I love kid gossip.

- What's the--

- What?

- OK.

- Lord have mercy.

- Oh my god.

- That was not the call I was expecting.

- Give me his name and his social security number.

- Where's the parenting book for this?

Someone help me out.

- I heart who?

- What's this boy's name?

- Yeah, what's his name?

- I'm going to full uncle right now.

- Now, I need a background check.

I need his social security number.

And by the way, where does he live?

And I want to meet the parents.

- Well, this is what you get for dating at your age.

- OK.

This is happening too fast.

- It's giving teenage girl.

- I feel like the -, -year-olds

of today are like the -year-olds of, like, my era.

No bracelets.

- That's how it starts.

- Everything is just happening at rapid-fire.

- She's too young

- I know, but it's cute.

- I have to process this.

So can I just deal with this--

- Bye.

She just hung up.

And there's hormones involved.

And this sh*t makes me drink, heavily.

And I need another martini.

Don't have daughters.

Pauly and I know.

- When I was years old, I was

playing with ants in the dirt.

[laughs] - You know what I mean?

- Now, look at this day and age.

I was making, like, mud pies and sh*t.

- Same.

- Didn't we start liking people at ?

- It's a different day and age.

It's a different world.

- I was such a late bloomer.

- Same.

- I was a virgin until I was .

- Yeah. - Me too.

- But when did you have, like, the birds and bees

talk when you were a kid?

- My dad probably did it mad too young.

I remember it was mad young.

I'm like, what the f*ck are you talking about?

I'm like, just want to play with my Nerf ball.

My dad's, like, having the birds and bees talk with me.

And I'm like, Dad, like, we're on the Ferris wheel.

Like, can you stop?

- I don't think I had that talk, to be honest.

- It kind of came out of nowhere.

I felt like he just, like, had to jam it in somewhere,

no pun intended.

- I don't remember having a talk like that.

I never got the birds and bees talk.

All I just learned is that my Grandma Angelina told me,

don't suck on a d*ck because they're dirty.

Suck on a banana.

It's more healthier.

And that's how I learned.

- When did our kids get so old? - I know.

Mine's , turning .

She can date.

It's totally fine, when she's .

- .

- When she's , Pauly.

- And that's fine.

So the day that my daughter tells me she

has a boyfriend is going to be a sad day for me.

I'm going to have to mess up a little kid.

I don't to do that.

[laughs]

- Well, I'm glad that we came to a nice, fancy restaurant

and got pizza.

- That was great.

- What time is your show?

- We got to be there at :.

- Are you getting nervous?

- You know, it is a little bit nerve-racking.

Stand-up is one of the hardest, most

challenging, nerve-racking things you could ever do.

Guys, by the way, this is like my graduation show.

I'm a star-- I'm a beginner.

- Did you say I'm a star? - I'm a starter.

I was about to say I'm a starter.

- A star. - I'm a starter.

Ever since I was a little kid, like,

I just loved telling jokes, making people laugh.

- Do you have material on us in there?

- It's not about us? - No, no, no.

My dream is to be on "SNL" one day.

So now that I'm doing a real stand-up comedy show,

I'm like, wow, this is awesome.

- There's other comics that go on.

- I'm thinking of, like, a Joe Rogan special.

- That's what I'm saying.

That's what I mean, like, keep your expectations low.

That's like for a professional, an hour.

You're not going to see Chris Rock right now.

You're going to see Vinny three weeks into comedy

at his graduation show.

- You're going to be great.

- Just laugh. - OK.

We'll laugh for you.

- Her laugh is going to be, like, insanity,

though, kennel cough all over the place.

- [coughing]

- Thanks for coming. - Cheers.

- Hopefully I don't b*mb.

- Cheers to Vinny. - Cheers, guys.

He's going to k*ll it.

- Vinny. Vinny. Vinny. - Cheers, guys.

- [coughing]

- A little bit.

- I get nervous every time I go on.

It's what I want to do.

And there's no other option, really, you know what I mean?

Just to get up on that stage.

- Broadway Comedy Club.

What the f*ck?

Here I come, Vinny.

- ♪ Everything is feeling so far, so good ♪

- I'm super excited.

I love being a dad.

And, like, thank you, God.

What did I do to deserve such an amazing, perfect birth

and day?

It was-- it really was.

- Big Daddy Sitch is not even thinking

about The Big Apple right now.

I mean, I got to take care of this new pumpkin.

- ♪ We finally ride ♪

♪ Want to reach the top, you gotta dig in ♪

♪ Don't get it confused ♪

♪ Win or lose ♪

♪ Either way, you're going to climb mountains ♪

- Mike was planning on eating this five-course

meal after the pizzas.

- Oh my god, I can't eat anymore.

- Are you ready for your show? - Yeah.

- Let's go, Vin. - Do it.

- Let's go b*mb. - Good night.

Thank you.

Who wants to go see a comedy show?

- Me.

- I think we can, like, ride in a regular car now.

- I'll go in the back, back.

- Glad to be off that bus and into,

like, a nice, warm car so I could get into the zone.

All right, guys, you know, like, we're in New York, right?

Like, you don't have to come to this.

Like, you could-- - No.

- Oh, we're coming.

- Having them here definitely makes me more nervous.

There's clubs.

There's bars.

There's-- there's a lot of things.

- We're coming.

- When you're doing something the first time

and figuring it out, you don't want someone's,

like, have to have a bad first impression of it,

you know what I mean?

I'm just saying, like, don't feel like you have to.

The thing about having people I know in the audience,

it puts more pressure on you, for some reason.

- I want to come.

- I already bought the tickets.

- You guys are good friends.

- I think Vinny's nervous.

- Oh, here we are. You ready, Vin?

- Let's go, guys.

- OK, let's get in there.

- I am so excited to watch Vinny tonight.

And hopefully, he lands a few jokes.

- I'm excited. I love comedy.

You're going to k*ll it.

- Oh, look who it is, everybody.

- Hey. - How are you?

- Pleasure. Pleasure.

- How are you doing? - Pleasure.

Hello. I'm Harry.

I'm hosting the show tonight.

- I think this place is kind of cool.

It's like a little cellar.

- Let's get you guys in. You want to come on in?

Let's seat you. - See you later.

- You got this, Vin.

I love you, Vin.

- This is perfect for Vin.

This is, like, where, like, "SNL" people start out.

- Welcome, everybody.

both: Thank you.

- Vin always wanted to be on "SNL," so like, maybe this is

going to be, like, his thing.

- This is a big night for Vinny.

This is the graduation show for Vinny.

[cheers and applause] - And this is a big deal.

Yeah.

- Yeah.

Right now, my anxiety is definitely

sending me those signals, like everything's riding on this.

This better be good.

Ready to get this over with.

- You know, I really think my mother

doesn't love me because she made me such a basic-a*s name,

like Amanda.

Honestly, anything that ends in an A or an uh

is a pretty basic name.

Like, I'm sure there's at least four of you in the crowd

right now, that have a name-- - Angelina.

- Yeah, your mother doesn't love you either.

[laughter]

- I'm a little nervous for Vinny

because these comedians are really funny.

Like, I'm hysterical right now.

She k*lled it.

So I just hope he does well.

- A little bit.

- I get nervous every time I go up.

I'm not going to say that having

an anxiety disorder makes doing stand-up comedy

a piece of cake.

Like, I'm an overthinker.

- Yeah. and reps.

- No, no.

- I can't even try.

You always have those little nerves.

But that's what I want to do.

And there's no other option, really, you know what I mean?

Just to get up on that stage.

- OK. Cool.

- Thanks, bro. Appreciate it.

- Thank you.

It's been a good lineup.

I can tell the crowd is, like, kind of fired up.

- You've been great. Thank you so much for your time.

- And I think that when people see me,

they don't know what to expect.

- You guys ready for more show?

You guys ready for more show? [cheers and applause]

- They're like, this guy's a reality star.

- Oh my goodness, coming to the stage,

you might have seen this guy on MTV.

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Vinny G.

- I don't know if he could do stand-up comedy or not.

- They're waiting to see what I could do.

[cheers and applause]

- Vinny.

- What up? What up? How you guys doing?

- ♪ I'm here to ball, I'm here to win ♪

♪ Here to do it again ♪

[horn honking]

♪ Right from the start, I'm a go to the end ♪

- ♪ Go take it all ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm here to ball ♪

- ♪ Come on ♪

- You guys ready for more show?

You guys ready for more show?

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Vinny G.

- Thank you. Thank you.

- Vinny.

- What up? What up?

How you guys doing?

[cheers and applause] Yeah.

A little weird in here right now.

There's cameras in here, watching me and sh*t.

You know we're filming a porn, right?

[cheers and applause]

Take your-- dude, take your clothes off.

Let's go. [laughter]

- My God. - I'm nervous, too.

We're in this together. Let's go.

Take them off.

- Hey, Rich, I just have to ask you one favor.

I have a crazy uncle, and if he comes there,

just tell him like the show is sold out.

- I graduated from the College of Staten Island.

- Yes.

[cheers and applause]

I went there too.

- Yeah, exactly.

[laughter]

If Angelina went there--

- It's a great school.

- --that says it all.

- If you don't know what the College of Staten Island is,

it's kind of like the University of Phoenix online

but in person.

[laughter] - So true.

- It's like the multi-level marketing of colleges.

- I'm dying. - Like, I have a degree,

but they won't give it to me until I get

five of you people to sign up.

[laughter]

- He's in his zone.

He's actually k*lling it.

- And then you get five people to sign up.

- f*ck.

- Who knew a chooch could be so funny?

- I kind of find it hard to date.

I don't like dating locally around me.

I like exotic women from overseas.

So now, I'm talking to this Jewish girl from Brooklyn.

[laughter]

We don't really have much in common, though.

She's younger than me.

We don't even have the same taste in movies,

you know, like, "Princess Diaries"?

How could she not like that movie?

It's a f*cking fire movie.

Dating is complicated now.

Like, it's not like what it used to be.

Now, it's like all these dumb activities.

Like, I don't want to go ax throwing, you know what I mean?

It's like, now I got to be a Viking to get p*ssy.

What the f*ck?

I'm learning archery and sh*t,

going back to the Middle Ages.

I guess the Middle Ages kind of does make sense for me,

though, because when I lived in Staten Island,

there were a few times I took a girl home on a boat

and gave her a disease.

- Oh my god, Vin.

- Vin, what the f*ck?

- I'm just kidding.

I wore a mask.

- [laughs] Stupid.

- I'm not perfect, but I'm trying.

But I'll admit, I'm still subscribed

to a few girls on OnlyFans, you know?

It's a great way of staying in touch with family.

Third cousins don't count.

- I have to admit, Vinny's f*cking crushing it right now.

- You know what I'm talking about, right, bro?

You would f*ck your third cousin.

He didn't want it that bad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Vinny's stage presence is top-tier.

- All right, I'm almost done, guys.

I promise.

I'll put you out of this misery soon.

- I'm like, he's really good.

- Our show was f*cking crazy back in the day.

Like, we used to have sex, like, on camera.

Like, they would-- they would watch us, you know?

So I would be back in my room, and I would have, like,

a gal in front of me.

- A gal. - A gal.

- And there would be a camera in the ceiling

with producers in the other room watching us have sex.

So I'll be over here, like, doing my thing,

and I can feel them staring at me,

making me feel super uncomfortable.

And I wanted them to feel uncomfortable.

So I would just stare right back.

[laughter]

Look at me.

[laughter]

I'm the producer now.

Thank you, guys.

[cheers and applause]

- So stupid.

- Thank you. Appreciate it.

You guys are a great crowd.

Thank you.

Thank you. No, no, no, no.

- Go, Vinny. - Thank you.

Thank you.

- Oh, thank you.

- Thank you.

Overall, this show was kind of all

I could have ever asked for.

- For one of my first comedy shows, inviting people here.

- It was very good.

You know, I think he's got another career,

like he f*cking needs it, though.

How many jobs does that guy have?

- . - A lot.

A lot.

- He's doing appearances, "Dancing with the Stars."

He tried to sell me life insurance outside.

The guy-- [laughing]

He doesn't stop, that frigging guy.

- He k*lled it.

- I totally just respect comedy as an art form.

- Thanks, man. Appreciate it.

- It was a great crowd.

And when you do it, and people are impressed and they say,

that was a good set, I like that--

- You were awesome. - Thank you.

- That was good. That was good.

- --it's like the best feeling in the world--

- You k*lled it.

- --kind of like a dream come true.

- So proud of you.

I feel like we did a lot in New York.

- All right, guys, see you.

I'll see you around town.

- There was a lot of pizza.

We did the beam.

We saw Vinny's comedy show.

And I am so proud of him.

Bye.

Have a good night

I think it was a great night in the city.

- My boyfriend's funny.

- You k*lled it. - Thank you.

Thank you.

- You are silly.

I loved it. - Thank you.

- That was so fun.

- ♪ I wish you could have seen it ♪

all: Congratulations.

- Oh my god. Thank you.

- Snooki Shop Long Island is open for business, b*tches.

[cheers and applause]

- Where are you?

- What?

- You really try and hurt people.

- The show would be canceled if it wasn't for me.

- With friends like these, who needs enemies?

- [laughs]