07x22 - The Meme

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- Oh, I've never seen the dome. - Look at the dome!

- We're in Vegas.

- Welcome to my home. - The f*ck?

- Oh, my gosh. There's a bug in Pauly's house.

- Pauly, this is not your house.

- I'm a little bit nervous that

Deena and Nicole are on to me.

So I'm gonna have to figure out something.

- So I see Vinny posted this podcast link.

- So what do you look for?

- First of all, like, less bodies.

- Listen, I'm not one of your -year-olds

based on the podcast.

[gasps]

- She's putting words in my mouth.

- Me and Deena always talk about the end of the world.

We wanna be prepared.

- What the f*ck?

- In our underground bunker!

- Oh, my God!

- Yo!

- You're already losing your f*cking mind.

- I'm starving. - Calm down!

- I don't know if we're gonna make it down here.

[upbeat music]

- Yeah, buddy!

- Party's here!

- The Situation is under construction.

- We're so classy now.

- On the seventh day, it'll be lit.

- Get the frig out of here, you crazy!

- Um, hello?

- I'm still the sweetest b*tch you'll ever meet.

♪ ♪

- ♪ We're gonna get it ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ Don't take orders from any nobody ♪

♪ We're the underground ♪

- I had to eat, I'm so hungry.

- Why didn't you guys stop like we did?

- ♪ Is this the end of the world? ♪

- Yo!

- f*cking eight?

- This whole bunker experiment

is failing before it even began.

Me and Nicole found a bunker in Vegas

because there's a lot of stuff going on.

Aliens just showing up.

Wait, is this, like, a thing?

- Oh, my God. - I don't wanna be here!

- Deena.

Compose your f*cking self.

- There could be a zombie apocalypse.

Just gotta be prepared, guys.

[clock ticking]

- All right, so I feel like we've been down here.

We're, like, living.

But like, what if sh*t goes down upstairs?

What are we doing?

Like, we didn't practice how to like, actually survive.

Michael, you are on the food.

So how much food do we have?

What do we need to ration?

- What are you guys in charge of, wine?

- No, not wine.

- No, I was serious.

- What are you charge of, just showing your p*nis off or--

- What do you charge of? Toxic waste?

- Yeah. f*ck yeah, I am.

- Ooh.

- Toxic waste is a big thing down here m*therf*cker.

That's, like, not really that bad of a f*cking thing.

Like, all right, great.

We're gonna take a lot of sh*t

and I'm gonna have to clean it up after your a*s.

- Staten Island dump.

- What is happening?

- All right, it's the apocalypse.

We can't act like this.

- Positive vibes from here on out.

- Pauly's in charge of the morale.

- Yeah. Positivity.

- I like it. - Yeah.

- We cannot have any feuds like this in a bunker

at the end of the world.

We gotta have rules, because if not,

we're gonna k*ll each other.

- If I'm gonna go out in the apocalypse,

I gotta make a TikTok. - Okay.

- All you guys are gonna be in it.

- Well, I positively get to disagree.

- I feel like no one's really getting what me and Nicole

are trying to put out there.

There's no social media.

There's no ordering pizzas.

- Yeah, I'd like to, uh, order a pizza, please.

- Like, you have to work with what you got.

all: One, two, three.

Bunker!

- f*ck'-- - You love it.

- ♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ Oh, no ♪

- I think that's a problem.

It'd be nice to have some bread.

We're always gonna have Sunday dinner.

What is this?

Spaghetti with meat sauce, freeze dried.

We have to eat.

So we have one option.

And that one option is MREs--

meals ready to eat.

Let's put on a pot of water here.

And they are good until .

Then we walk around like so.

- Who's he talking to?

- Ooh, look at this.

Okay.

It's going down.

- He's losing his f*cking mind.

- He's f*cking crazy.

[chuckles] - You all right in there?

- Yeah.

- Who are you talking to?

- Getting my foods ready for dinner.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Freeze dried.

- Good job, Mike.

- Oh, my God.

- Okay.

- What are you doing, Michael?

- Um, this food is good until .

You gotta mix it for five minutes.

Okay.

- It's very hard.

- That's what she said.

- I don't like it here anymore.

- Voilà.

Bon appétit, b*tches.

- This sh*t is definitely not meatballs and spaghetti.

I don't know what this is.

What do we call that soup?

Let's name it something.

- Um--

- Stunad soup.

- Yes, yes.

- Got it.

As Italians, we take food seriously.

So I'm gonna take over because that's not fettuccine.

To make sure that we don't starve to death,

I'm gonna put some, like, hors d'oeuvres out,

some freeze-dried pizza out as an appetizer.

You get a pizza slice.

You get a pizza slice.

You get a pizza slice.

I feel like Oprah giving away pizza slices right now.

Desperate times.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Dinner is served.

- How did you cook in a bunker?

- You will find out. - Yes.

- All right. All right.

- Tonight, we are serving stunad soup,

chicken and fettuccine.

- Oh, that sh*t looks nasty. - Oh.

What the f*ck is this?

- Cosmo cubes.

You get to open your own pizza slice

- Hey, look.

Even in an apocalypse, we figured

out how to eat Sunday dinner.

Sunday's dinners used to be chicken parm.

Now look at it.

- The portions may be small.

- Yes.

- But our hearts are large.

all: Aw.

- I love that. That's nice.

- Who am I kidding?

I need to get the f*ck out of here.

- Like Drake's d*ck?

- Exactly.

- Thank you, Jenni.

- I don't have any MREs in my house.

Does it, like, blow up when you open it or something?

- That's a pizza slice.

- You're supposed to cook this?

- Everything I got's organic.

Lasts, like, one day.

Ugh! - It tastes like sh*t.

- I would eat this junk.

- Why don't you go and get a scoop of that?

- Look, I'm trying to get pregnant.

So I'm eating healthy, eating right, and putting my body

through, like, this wild ride.

I'm definitely not trying this.

- The future seems very bleak.

- It needs a little salt and pepper.

[laughing]

- A little bit--a little hard.

- Jenni needs some slaw.

- Ugh.

I don't think I could survive the apocalypse because

of the f*cking food situation.

- I have a backup plan.

I ordered some pizza.

- Pizza?

We're in a apocalyptic state.

Eat what you got.

But, like, I don't know.

Like, I'm hungry.

I could go for a pie.

- You see the pizza guy?

- What's the chances of them finding it?

- Never find it if you tell them.

- I wouldn't deliver out here.

- Oh, God.

No pizza.

Oh, my God.

I'm in a bunker.

And I need food.

- Am I losing my mind?

- Maybe. - I might be.

- Is there any more wine over there?

- No.

We're out.

- How the frig are we gonna last here?

- We're not gonna last.

- There's no wine.

We're gonna die.

[suspenseful music]

- I think we have to do a roommate discussion.

This is an emergency situation.

Guys, can we do a group meeting?

- All right.

- We have to have a family meeting.

We ran out of wine.

- That's it.

- We can't get fricking pizza.

- He can't even find us.

- Hello, Mike.

Uh, this is my second message.

- How would you feel about not spending the night here?

- Ooh.

- Good, because I'm losing my tan.

- I wanna go home because tomorrow's the big game.

Guys, we're going to Vegas.

- Let's go!

- I'm gonna meet Taylor.

And I--you know, I'm just excited for her to be here.

- All right, let's go

- Yeah, I think it's time.

Let's go get fresh air.

- Let's go!

- You posted a shitty-a*s story.

It's not cool.

- You saying I'm a shitty friend

doesn't make me a shitty friend.

- It's not funny.

- You don't love him.

- Well, he's my best friend.

Or he was.

Like, he goes in and out.

- He's not the one.

- How do you know that?

- Because I know.

She's going back and forth in her mind.

Like, does she love him?

Does she wanna be with him?

You need to be single.

- ♪ Fight the system, hit there ♪

♪ Boom, yeah ♪

- Oh, sh*t, there's the ball.

The sphere.

- Justin was just like, how's your day, what'd you do?

Like, oh, just-- - Survived?

- Sat down in a bunker.

- Survived in a bunker.

- I think we're here.

- It smells nice in here.

Oh, my God.

Pauly's face on Vinny's thing.

- [chuckles]

- Ew!

You look like--

- It's so freaky!

- It does look like a spider.

[knocking]

- Hey, Pauly! - Gilbert!

- Pauly!

Hey, man.

- How you doing, my guy? - Hey.

How you doing, brother?

Hey, wanted to bring this back.

- Hey, I thought you forgot about me.

- No! Never!

- This is my neighbor, Gilbert.

Swear to God.

- Wait? What?

- The roommates don't believe this is my home.

And they keep asking me so many questions.

- Pauly, this is not your house.

- What are talking about? - Whose lipstick is this?

- That's the most ridiculous sh*t I've ever heard.

- Who's your neighbors?

- Gilbert is next door, and he has one leg.

- Gilbert with one leg?

- Well, Gilbert is my actual neighbor at my real house.

- Dude, it's broken, though.

- It broke? - Dude, it--

- I told you, change the battery.

So I had to text Gilbert, let him know that I need him

to come by and bring back that meat thermometer

that Nikki let him borrow.

This thing was a brand new one. She just got it.

I'm hoping that this finally puts

their questioning me to rest.

[chuckles] - Look, it's broken, though.

Everything Nikki told me to do, it didn't work.

- Damn. I gotta tell her then.

- I'm just messing with you. I'm just messing with you!

It came out great.

- I'm--I'm thinking so many things right now,

and I feel so awful.

We've been making fun of his house.

Gilbert looks like Gilbert.

He's talking to Pauly like they're best friends.

- Thank you so much. - I'm gonna get out of here.

- All right, good. - Have a good one.

- All right, man. - See you guys.

- See you later. - God bless, Gilbert.

- Maybe this is all real.

This is not a prank.

- You know what, Pauly?

I really love this house. - Thank you.

- This is a great house. - I love your house.

- Thank you.

- It's very nice.

- Now I'm like, I kind of feel bad,

because here we are talking sh*t about his house.

- The ice machine's broken.

- How does he not have ice?

Like, maybe this really is his house.

- I thought you guys were hating on it, man.

- No. - No, not at all.

It's very clean. - Pauly, this is beautiful.

- Thank you.

Another prank in the book for me.

The prank w*r champion strikes again.

[chuckles]

- So what are we gonna do tonight?

- I definitely wanna eat.

- I think we should just order pizzas to the house.

And then we go out and dance. - [chuckles]

- All right.

- So I'm sitting here on the couch,

finally scrolling through Instagram

because I have service now because I'm

not in the middle of nowhere.

And I noticed Vinny posted a stupid meme about Ron and Sam.

Vinny. - What?

- What did you do now?

- Look what he posted.

"My generation didn't have Chrisean and Blueface."

We had Ron and Sam.

- He posted it?

- He posted it?

- It's a meme of Sam and Ron fighting and comparing

it to, like, somebody now.

And we're like, Vinny, do you think before you post things?

- Damn.

- Yo, this is a beef over here.

- That was uncalled for.

- I post memes all day on my Instagram.

It was just a stupid "Jersey Shore" meme.

I giggled and I posted it.

- Yo, that's dirty, man.

- No.

It's just funny, me reposting it.

- What is funny about that, though?

You're literally posting a meme about the girl sitting

right f*cking next to you.

I would never make fun of someone else's tears.

- Jenni, get off your high horse.

- Vinny is, like, batting f*cking zero

this fricking trip.

Vinny, that's being a shitty friend.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Jenni's taking it to, like, another level that it

didn't need to be taken to.

She's been giving me sh*t ever since seeing comments

I've made on a podcast.

- So what do you look for?

- First of all, like, less bodies.

- He wants them young with a low body count,

based on the podcast.

- She's putting words in my mouth.

You saying I'm a shitty friend doesn't

make me a shitty friend.

That's just you saying it.

- But you posted a shitty-a*s story.

It's not cool.

- The whole thing to me is so uncomfortable.

Vinny, you don't need to be posting memes about me

on your story.

- It's not funny.

- I'm thinking of it like--

- No, you're not, though.

You're thinking--

- Are you gonna tell me what I'm thinking about it?

I just posted a meme and now you're starting sh*t.

[all groaning]

- All I did was look at your story.

I love Vinny, but sometimes, Vinny's,

like, the little brother that's so f*cking annoying that he's

just looking for attention and getting it

by doing the worst jokes ever.

- It's more about, like, the Chrisean

and Blueface sh*t because that's, like,

the current thing.

- Then you're comparing me to that.

It's, like, weird.

- Well, the meme did.

- Vinny just needs to take the L on this right now,

because the more Vinny tries to explain--

- But the meme is a joke.

You're not--you guys aren't them.

- The more he just keeps digging himself a hole.

- Ron and Sam were, like, a generational--

like, you know.

- Put down the shovel, my guy!

- Ronnie and Sammi were--were a couple that fought like--

- He just didn't see himself.

He just kept digging.

- I just see, like, a--

a kind of, like, funny meme.

- "My generation didn't have Chrisean and Blueface."

We had Ron and Sam.

[laughter]

- Oh, sh*t!

- I hate you.

- I don't think that Vinny was thinking.

I mean, listen.

We were just in a bunker.

Lack of oxygen.

- I just wanna say, it is what it is.

I accept it.

But Jenni's right.

- Thank you.

- Whether it's a funny meme or not--

- Yeah.

- It's just like, why even do it?

Why are you posting--

- I don't know, I just post memes all day.

- Yeah, but you have to think about other people.

I just think if anybody's posting something like that,

it's like looking for clout, trying to use me--

- I'm not getting clout from posting a meme.

- Well, that's how it came off to me.

- I thought of it the same way as the note things

and stuff like that.

- The note doesn't bother me.

It's like, now I look back, I'm like, it's stupid and funny.

It is what it is. Like, I'm now.

That was so long ago.

Let's not even talk about it now.

We're not gonna go there.

And that's it.

[soft music]

You know?

- I don't know.

I--I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I just saw it, I laughed, and I just pressed, like, whatever.

I did not think of it of, like, maliciousness, like--

- I don't-- - You know what I mean?

- I'm just like, you're being stupid.

You didn't think, like, on the other side.

I definitely feel like Vinny can't understand a female's

perspective because he's coming from a single guy

that he's been his whole life.

He maybe doesn't know or understand how we are.

- All right, let's take a little break

and relax for a second.

- Yeah.

I don't wanna go nowhere near Vinny.

[chuckles]

- Hey, you guys better watch out.

He might be coming for you next.

- Oh, sh*t! Oh, sh*t!

- With friends like him, who needs enemies, right?

[laughter]

[upbeat music]

- ♪ Baby come play with fire ♪

♪ ♪

- Damn.

I don't wanna go nowhere near Vinny.

- Pretty much, you're screwed, bro.

- Yeah, man.

I wouldn't wanna be, uh--

wouldn't wanna be this guy right now.

- f*cked up, bro.

Just say your Instagram was hacked.

- My--my iCloud was hacked.

[chuckles]

- Just go in there and be like, I was wrong, I'm sorry,

it'll never happen again, I wasn't even thinking.

- You came out of a place of love and understanding,

and you were looking out for a friend.

- She knows me.

I said I was sorry to her.

But we roast each other all day.

We do this type of sh*t to each other.

And usually we just laugh, call each other assholes,

and keep it moving.

Jenni the whole time was convincing her

that it's not okay.

So it's like I don't even know who I was fighting with.

- I will say this.

He's not looking at it through your lens.

And he's not looking at it through a friend of all people.

- You might think it's funny.

But like, think about your friend.

But for me, I've moved on from the Ron thing,

like, seven years ago.

And honestly, these memes are in my life every day.

It doesn't hurt me.

It's kind of just, like, annoying to look at.

Getting upset about memes, it's like not

where I'm at in my life.

Being in that relationship with Ron

totally was a learning experience.

I know I don't want to make the same mistakes that

I made back when I was younger.

I have moved on.

I'm happy and content in all aspects of my life,

especially going through what I'm going

through with the whole IVF.

If I have negativity, it might be

harder for me to get pregnant.

Like, I'd rather have peace.

- I don't wanna hurt Sam's feelings.

Nothing is malicious, you know?

Like, I don't know. - Jokes backfire.

- Yeah.

- That one backfired I think.

- %,

- Yeah.

- I'm not posting any more Sammi and Ronnie memes.

I plead the fifth. f*ck.

- Guys?

- Hey.

- I just wanna let you know I'm like, good.

All is good.

It's not that serious or anything.

You know?

- Everybody knows that I would never

be malicious to the roommates.

But I learn as I go that, you know,

some things are off the table.

I know shouldn't have posted it,

but Jenni definitely took it to that level.

You know me.

I'm like an annoying little brother.

- I've known you for so long--

- And, like, there's nothing malicious

at all coming from me.

- Sometimes we joke about stupid sh*t

we shouldn't joke about.

If you wanna draw a boundary, draw the boundary.

We don't touch it. You know what I'm saying?

- Vin, we're good. - What'd I tell you to say?

About your Instagram? What happened to it?

- Oh, it got hacked.

[laughs]

- Oh, I'm out of here.

I'm leaving now.

- Bye.

- ♪ If you wanna party ♪

♪ You wanna party ♪

♪ I got what you want ♪

♪ What you're looking for ♪

♪ Everything and more ♪

- So I gotta head out, do what the DJ does and go DJ.

Yo, yo.

- Hey!

- What's up, meatballs?

- Hey, Pauly. Are you leaving?

- Yeah. I'm gonna head up for my show.

You guys are more than welcome. - Yeah.

- I would like to come. - All right.

Yeah. - Is anybody else coming?

- I don't know. - Probably not.

- Probably not. It's a late one.

But hey, if you wanna rave, let's rave.

Business never stops.

It's time to turn up.

I'll see you guys. - We'll see you later.

- Filling out this robe nicely.

You know what I mean?

I don't know if you could see that.

Damn.

If you could see that.

Yo, is this fire or is this fire?

Well, we out here, okay?

- Hello. Thank you for calling.

- Yeah, hi.

Can I place an order for, uh, delivery, please?

- Sure.

What can I get you?

- I've been underground for quite some time.

Oh, my God. I'm in a bunker.

I'm hungrys.

It's time to eat my best life.

So BDS to the rescue.

- ♪ Pop it, lock it ♪

♪ Throw it up and drop it ♪

- Let me get the crab wontons.

Probably could double up on them.

Handmade dumplings, the dynamite roll,

the shrimp tempura roll, some sweet and sour chicken,

the short rib fried rice--

- Show them off, baby.

- Can we go?

You're not in Vegas a lot.

Go out, have a good time.

So tonight, me, Nicole, and Angelina,

we're gonna go see Pauly's show and dance our coulees off.

- Some egg rolls, and some spareribs.

I think that'll do.

- Where's your wine?

- I don't know.

Tonight, I wanna drink.

I wanna go out.

I wanna dance a little bit, hear some music.

So I'm glad that my Dirty Stayouts are here.

- Where are you guys going?

- Marquee.

- Y'all mean bidness tonight.

- Are you going to Pauly's?

- Yes.

Nobody else is going out.

Everybody's staying in.

- Today is a stay-at-home night.

I mean, listen.

Tomorrow is the big game, and Big Daddy Sitch has

gotta get his beauty rest.

- Did I lose my a*s, guys?

I lost my as*h*le.

- Hi.

Where's the food? Deena.

- I think it should be here any second.

- Hot.

I'm obsessed with this outfit.

- Thank you, b*tch.

- You look phenomenal.

I was a little nervous that I would have to go out tonight.

Of course I wanna go see Pauly.

I love him and he kills it every time.

But how the heck would I go to the club

with the meatballs and Ange, who like,

force drinks down my throat, and try and dodge it?

- Yay!

- Like, I can't drink right now.

I'm on fertility medicine.

My stomach is so bloated.

I'm, like, doing my best so that nobody knows what

I'm going through right now.

[knocking]

- Oh, my God.

Oh, my goodness.

- I have a Chinese food delivery?

- Yes. That would be me, sir.

- That's a box.

- If I were you, I would get a plate because it

is going down right now.

Lo meins--

- Oh, sh*t.

- Fried rices, Mongolian beef.

- I love how you ordered family style all for yourself.

- I'm a sl*t for a crab rangoon.

- You are a sl*t.

- Filet "megnin," wontons.

Would you like a plate, sir?

Because I can get that for you.

- Sure.

- You don't want a separate plate?

I don't wanna sully the salad.

- It's okay.

- A feast is upon us.

Okay?

The finest of Chinese is here.

And this man is eating a salad.

Go figure.

- You got a lot of food.

- You can have some.

- No, thank you. - We're going out.

- Girl's gotta get her a*s back.

Chill the f*ck out.

- All right, Ange, we're leaving right this moment.

- Oh!

- All right, Dirty Stayouts.

- Dirty Stayouts again. - We're going to see Pauly.

- Bye! Love you guys!

- Bye. Read me.

- Toodaloo. - Oh, my God.

- Fill me up.

- My God.

- And here we go.

- You know, Ange has been, uh, positive on this vacation.

I have to--I gotta point it out.

When we spoke at breakfast, I thought

she was truthful about ..

- We're back and forth.

Sometimes I do need him.

Sometimes I do need him to help me.

- And it's honest to be, like, indecisive.

Like, she just doesn't know.

- Yeah.

- And Vinny's not a bad guy.

He just really loves f*cking--

- Yeah.

- You know, there's times where we don't fight for a while.

And there's times where we fight for a while.

- No, that's not how it goes. - No? Why not?

- You don't love him.

- I do love him.

- Why do you love him?

- Well, he's my best friend--

- Besides taking care of the animals.

Why do you love him?

- Well, he's my best friend.

Or he was.

Like, he goes in and out.

Like, it's sad.

Like--

- No, I don't think--

he's not the one.

- How do you know that?

- Because I know.

- She has a sixth sense.

- Do you think I loved any man in my whole life?

- Yeah, but not him.

- Yeah.

- Don't stay with somebody just because they

take care of your animals.

She's going back and forth in her mind.

Like, does she love him?

Does she wanna be with him?

You need to be single.

You don't need to always have a man.

Be single.

I mean, that for me is just, like,

maybe call the engagement off.

Be alone for a little bit and figure out what you wanna do.

So if you loved him, you would be over the moon.

Ange, you don't love him.

- ♪ Dressed in pink, I'm Barbie ♪

♪ Lifin' so I'll fit the party ♪

♪ Trust in me, I lead the army ♪

♪ Should move too fast ♪

- You know, we were just underground for, like,

two hours.

I need to see civilization.

I wanna see Pauly DJ.

And I just wanna dance.

Can't a girl freaking dance anymore?

- We got it.

- ♪ Move on the dance floor ♪

- I feel so rich.

Pauly has the VIP suite for us and we have bottle service.

Who are we?

- ♪ Pull up at : ♪

- And then we're going to the big game.

Like, Pauly is the coolest person I know.

[dance music]

- Girl, party!

- [exhales]

[soft suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

- I never thought in a million years

I would, like, get in an argument with Vinny.

- All right, good night.

- Well, on that note.

It just got really awkward in here.

Time for me to bounce.

- Goodnight.

- ♪ Good ♪

♪ I feel good all the time ♪

♪ Body like damn and I age like wine ♪

♪ Credit card never declined ♪

♪ I have a ride ♪

♪ I feel good ♪

♪ Good, good ♪

♪ Good ♪

- Party!

- Pauly's shows always have the most amazing energy.

[dance music]

♪ ♪

[cheering]

- I'm happy that the meatballs came out.

I'm glad Angelina came.

The support means the world.

- I'm so excited. It's so nice to see Nikki.

I love seeing the connection between her and Pauly.

And I think this is awesome.

- It's a little awkward seeing Nikki.

The last time I saw her was when I turned water

into wine like Jesus Christ.

- No, no, no, no.

all: Oh!

- Are you f*cking kidding me?

- Open the door. - No!

- I didn't mean--

[arguing]

- Just poured f*cking wine on me.

Don't f*cking pour wine over me.

You just poured wine on me!

- Oh, my God. - Stop.

- It's a little awkward.

But I think she's over it.

I think I'm over it.

And we hugged it out.

She even made us shots.

See?

Growth.

- ♪ You got a fun life ♪

♪ But what you doing with it? ♪

♪ You got a*s and them t*tties ♪

♪ What you doin' with it? ♪

♪ You got a body ♪

The meatballs are so trashed and we

got the big game coming up.

Like, it's time to go.

- ♪ You got a body, what you doing with it? ♪

♪ Go crazy ♪

- I wanna listen to music in the park.

♪ Don't say I'm lucky, try to get a life with me ♪

♪ I'm trying to find a way to stay in my seat ♪

- That was a great time.

- Such a great time.

- Ay, Dios mios.

We're Selenas.

- Selena!

- Selenas!

- When I get drunk, all I wanna do is listen to Selenas.

And I wanna dance with Selena.

[shouting]

And I wanna scream and talk to her.

Hey! Hey!

Selena!

Have a seat.

I'm obsessed with Selena in general.

Love her.

She's my soul sister.

I feel like we're related.

- Shut up!

I--am done.

- Are you kidding me? We did so good.

- I feel like we're, like, going in circles.

- Deena is over the top drunken.

- Where are we?

What are we doing?

Where I--where am I?

This is--

- Great.

Okay.

I just--I forgot.

- Watch your step here, Nicole.

- Yeah.

Thanks.

Ah.

I hate this house. I hate this house.

Why is it so traumatic?

- I love how they eat Chinese food.

- I see food.

Does this really take real money?

[dinging]

I don't feel comfortable with my--

- Okay, so we'll bring you food.

What do you want?

- No, I'm getting in my pajamas.

- All right, so then meet up over here.

Oh, my God.

[dinging]

Suck a d*ck.

- Do not lock me out of my room or I'll f*cking k*ll you.

- b*tch.

- Do you really think I'd lock you out?

f*cking--

- Who in the motherfuck?

This is very fishy to me.

Like, something's really going on.

Who the f*ck is that?

Who wrote that?

But this is, like, even crazier.

"Mom, we love you?"

Mom.

No, this isn't even his house.

He's lying.

Guys!

This is not his house.

Like, why is he saying it's his house when it's not his house?

- [screams]

- Deeners.

- Whoa.

Slide it, girl.

- No, what are we doing? - He lied.

He lied.

- Who lied?

- Pauly.

Who in the f*ck is that?

- [gasps]

So now this is getting weird again.

Why would Pauly have that in his house?

- "We love you, mom?"

- He rented it from someone to pretend it's his house.

- He lied.

This is not his children.

- This is not Pauly's house.

- Whose house is this, though?

- I don't know why anyone's freaking out about it.

But I think it's very weird.

- I am petrified.

And I'm gonna get to the bottom of it.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ You gotta believe in what you are ♪

♪ Back on your feet after a fall ♪

- Another shot, another day.

And honestly, it's crazy.

But this medicine gives me, like, bad headaches.

And I get like, really bloated.

I don't know if that's normal.

The IVF process is getting harder and harder.

Whoo.

One, two, three, four, five.

Needles scare me.

They suck.

Like, I don't think I'll ever be okay with it.

Okay.

That's over with.

But it'll hopefully be worth it.

♪ ♪

- [yawning] Are you awake?

- I am now. - Are you awake, my love?

- I am now.

- [grunts]

Bro, it's so much work, leaving this house,

going to that house,

pretending to wake up every day.

At what point does a prank become too much?

I think when it's too much work for me.

I have to sneak in before they all wake up.

And then after they all go to sleep, I sneak out.

- They don't suspect anything, that I'm not there?

- Oh, they suspect. - Oh, my gosh.

- [chuckles]

Oh, I'm gonna see you at the game later, right?

- Uh-huh.

- Today is my big flag celebrity

football game for charity.

And I'm super excited.

And remember, you're staying at your friend's this week.

So when they ask you--

because they're gonna ask you. - Good luck.

- I'll see you later.

- Ugh.

The lights.

- Yo, it's nice out. What's up?

- What's good, kid? - How are you feeling today?

- I feel great.

- All right.

Cool.

- Is today the big game?

- Today is the big game.

But last night was the big fight, kid.

I would have to say that Big Daddy Sitch

has had a ton of experience in the

confrontation department.

But when it comes to the dramas, Vinny is a young Jedi,

and I must teach him the ways of The Force.

The thing that happened with you and JWOWW yesterday,

do you have any intentions to even address that?

Or are you gonna keep it moving?

- You know, friends get into it sometimes.

- Indeed. - And things happen.

You don't anticipate them.

But then, like, if they do, then

you just change the course.

You don't know what jokes are gonna go

too far until they go too far.

- Our, like, motto and saying is

like, if you don't roast each other, you're not a family.

We always say that.

But I also do see the Sam and the JWOWW out of it,

you know what I mean?

Like, it was a trigger.

And like--

- I just try to be funny.

But, you know, there's other jokes to be made.

- %.

- Hopefully, the roomies think that I'm sleeping in

because of my show.

- I will gladly, um, apologize and change the course.

You know what I mean?

It was a stupid meme. Shouldn't have posted it.

You know, I feel bad. Didn't think.

I definitely have to take the L.

And hopefully, me and Jenni, we can just move on.

- I've been in so much confrontation

over the past couple of years, and I've never

really seen you get in much.

So--

- Yeah, I'm not in many confrontations.

- Yeah. It's crazy.

- What the hell is this?

- Just say you're sorry and keep it moving.

- Sure. You know what I mean?

Wanna go inside? It's cold.

- I'm hungrys, man.

- Yo!

- What up, family. - What's up, bro.

- What's up, man. - How you living.

How you living? - What up?

- What's up, man.

I love having you guys in my house, man.

It's like, wake up. I got my boys here.

- How was your gig?

- sh*t was lit, man. - Yeah?

- Meatballs came. Angelina came.

- What did they do? - They was wild?

- Yeah, they was wilin'.

[upbeat music]

[screaming]

- Are you alive?

- I'm not well.

- Yeah.

- It's pancakes day?

- I think it is pancakes day. - Wait.

Today is the big game.

- Yeah. - You excited?

- I am. It's gonna be fun.

- Yeah.

- This means the world to me.

My roomies actually came to support me

on my big flag football game.

I want you guys all to come to the big game.

It's gonna be sick.

- He's invited us to the big game!

[cheering]

- I'm so excited to have my roommates

with me to share in this.

I'm glad you guys came out for the big game.

- Me too.

- [grunts]

I can't get them on.

- Does Justin cook?

- Yeah.

He's actually a pretty good cook.

- Oh, my bodysuit's riding up.

- I hate touching bacon.

It's, like, slimy.

- Oh, hello, gentlemen.

I got a big vag*na wedgie.

- Good morning.

- Good morning, Jenni.

- Hello.

- Uh, Pauly.

Can you grab the butter?

- Yes.

- Vinny f*cking hates me.

I can just feel it in the air.

- I need to talk to Jenni outside for a second.

- Oh.

- Yesterday, things went from to really quickly.

- So quickly.

- And, you know--

- I think Vinny definitely hates me.

I had no intention of it being like that.

I really thought he would be like, oh, my bad

and just delete it.

And like, it would never have been a thing.

- I know. I know.

- At the end of the day, I was just defending my friend.

And I'm still not over the podcast.

But did I have any intention to fight Vinny?

f*ck no.

The tension is thick. - Obviously, he was sorry.

It just took him a little bit to get there.

- I actually think he hates me.

- No.

Listen, he--no.

- I was like, debating on booking a flight last night.

- Oh, God.

No, no.

He's the little brother that's--

you know, he's never been in a confrontation.

He took an L last night.

He's like, I was wrong.

- I was just trying to be a really good friend to Sam.

- You're being a big sister.

And I think it was eye-opening, which is good.

- I'm living for this conversation with Mike

because hearing that he doesn't hate me

makes me feel better.

- You were standing up for Sam--hey, that wasn't right.

And he was a little brother and he messed up, made a mistake,

and that's it. - Yeah.

- You know, take the L, move forward.

- As a big sister for him, like,

I wanna try to protect him.

I wanna go back to where life was so much easier.

- I'm excited.

My n*pples are hard.

- She's so excited because she thinks

she's gonna meet Taylor Swift.

- They're a bit confused.

- The fact that we're even going

is a huge deal because it's so hard to even get a seat.

- Huh?

- Pauly, you might be the coolest person I know.

- Um--uh-oh. What did I do here?

- Are you alive?

- I'm not well.

- ♪ I feel so good ♪

- Here's my eyelashes.

[laughter]

- Stop.

What happened last night?

- ♪ I just wanna dance ♪

♪ And I feel so fast ♪

♪ Fast ♪

- Did we eat?

- No.

I don't know if I'd trust your f*cking chicken fingers.

- Excuse me?

- What'd I do to you? - No.

I don't trust her--

- It was sitting there at the oven.

What, do you think I poisoned it?

- Maybe.

- What?

- I could see you poisoning something.

- My f*cking meatballs, then don't eat it, then.

- Yeah, I won't.

Angelina was up at : a.m.

I just saw her story.

- How does she function?

- She's like, rubbing the Buddha out there.

- Good morning.

Guys, I just rubbed the Buddha's tummy.

And I gave a little offering.

- : a.m.

- And I'm making a wishy-wish.

[laughter]

Stay there. Stay there. Stay there. Stay there.

Stay.

- : a.m.?

We went to bed at, like, :.

What was she doing up, rubbing a Buddha at : a.m.?

- I don't think she slept. - Breakfast time.

- My God.

How are you functioning? - How--

- And you have, like, full makeup on.

- You guys look--

- Is that makeup from last night?

- No.

- Your face looks good.

I don't know how Angelina functions because that girl's

like an Energizer bunny.

She doesn't get hung over, and she's just like, ready to go.

Meanwhile, I'm like a corpse, like ready to die.

Feel like I smell.

I will be right back.

Morning. - Good morning.

- You're alive.

- Your egg smells like a fart.

I just got a whiff of it.

- I don't think I'm hungry.

[indistinct chatter]

- All right. We might have blacked out.

- This is not his children.

- This is not a boy's house.

- Whose house is this, though?

- Blacked out? Yeah, I think so.

- Right.

- Yeah, I'm so hyped for the game.

- My God, I can't wait to see freaking Travis Kelce.

- You what?

- Wait, wait, wait, wait--

[chatter]

Imagine he wins and gives his ring to her.

- Oh, my God!

- I would f*cking--

- The flowers--

- I'm gonna be there to witness it.

- Wait, no, but I'm excited for the--

- I'd love that. - Yo.

Usher halftime show. f*cking crazy.

I love Usher!

- Yes!

- I got goosebumps.

- Huh?

- The fact that we're even going

is a huge deal because it's so hard to even get a seat.

- Pauly, you might be the coolest person I know.

The fact that you were able to, like, secure this is insane.

- They're a bit confused, Vin.

- I love Jason's beard.

- Ryan Reynolds is gonna be there.

- This is iconic.

- Jason's beard is so cool.

- I don't know why I just said that because he

looks just like a man's man.

- He is.

- Did you see the last game?

He's like--he's retired now, so he's like f*ck it,

and he, like, took.

- Yo. - Yo.

- Um--uh-oh. What did I do here?

What do you think you're out here for?

- I thought we were here to--

to hang out, and then go to the [bleep].

[rhythmic music]

♪ ♪

- No, this is my game, the flag football game

I invited you guys to.

I thought you guys came to support me.

- I mean, we would.

But the whole world is out here for the big game.

- Yes.

It just happens to be the same time as my game.

- Oh, my God. - Yeah.

- Holy sh*t.

So you're doing, like, the celebrity version that they do?

- Yeah.

I told them I was playing a flag football game.

But those footballs are actually

an invitation to the game.

- The big game? It's in Vegas this year.

- I want you guys all to come to the big game.

- This is a major f*ck up here.

These people are gonna cry. - I gotta tell them.

- They've been talking about it for weeks.

- I figure because we have the box, Mike's gonna be,

like, set on.

- And then the food is gonna be--

- The food's gonna be amazing.

- I got your support.

I'll support you.

Happy to support my boyfriend, Pauly.

So if he's playing in the flag football game,

that's the game I wanna see.

- Should we go tell them?

- I'm excited.

My n*pples are hard.

- She's so excited because she thinks

she's gonna meet Taylor Swift.

- I have a flag football game I invited you guys to.

- What?

Bro, we all flew out here. The whole--

- In my game.

I thought you guys came to support me.

- I mean, we would.

But the whole world is out here for the big game.

- Should we go tell them? - These people are gonna cry.

This is Pauly's mix-up.

I'll support Pauly.

I'll be there for you in spirit.

But I'm not gonna tell Jenni she's

not gonna to see Taylor Swift.

She already wants to k*ll me. - Oh, man.

- Good luck. Good luck, bro. - Thanks, man.

Appreciate you.

- I think Taylor likes us.

- Why were you guys out there in the freezing cold?

- After it was--

- Is it okay now?

- He just wanted to show me the Buddha.

- Yeah.

- I'm feeling real nervous right now.

I'm, like, walking on eggshells.

I gotta break the news to the roomies,

and I hope they're not gonna be mad at me.

- Hey, Pauly. How are you?

- Y'all, we're hyped for the big game, family.

- Guys, um--

okay.

First and foremost, I mean--

like, you guys are my family.

And I love you guys.

- We love you so much.

- It actually means the world to me to have you guys

out here in my new home.

And you know that, like, I would never lie to you guys.

- "Dear Deena Buckner, the first night you left Chris,

"he was grinding on multiple meatballs.

"Just kidding.

You're going to Jersey."

- We're going to Jersey!

[shouting]

- Let's pretend the talk went south.

Nikki's pissed, and I don't know what to do.

- Want me to talk to her? I've been in it multiple times.

- Please. - I'll go up right now.

[shouting]

- It's an alien.

My God!

Please let me go. Please!

- Ticket, ticket!

[screaming]

It actually means the world to me to have you

guys out here in my new home.

There seems to be a bit of confusion going on over here.

You guys are out here for my big game.

Not the big game, my big game.

I have a flag football game that I'm participating in.

You guys are coming to support me is what I thought.

There's gonna be no Taylor Swift at my game.

- What?

What do you mean?

- Not the big game, my big game.

- What?

And then we go to the--

[fanfare playing]

- Whoa, yeah.

If you guys wanna go, it's all you.

- Pauly?

I brought up Taylor Swift, Travis, the fact

that it's impossible to get tickets.

Will I meet Taylor Swift?

- Yeah.

[screaming]

- Calvin Harris.

- He's used to date Taylor Swift.

- I can't wait to see Travis Kelce.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, imagine--

imagine he wins and gives his ring to her.

- Oh, my God!

- I would f*cking-- - What?

- A proposal.

- So I'm just gonna think that Pauly's punking me right now.

But we're really going to the big game,

but he just wants to psych us and say that we're

not going to the big game.

We're going to a flag football game.

And that's not true, that he just wants to get a joke.

Ha ha, you're so funny, Pauly.

Where's my ticket?

- Is Jenni crying?

[laughs]

- I'm adopted.

And I was wondering if you could, like, do your research.

Like, I would love to know if I have siblings.

- I'm really, really happy for her.

- Sue Joey. No.

You need to be f*cking accountable for what you say!

- I haven't seen Nicole get this upset in a very long time.