07x03 - Snooki Night

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ MTV ♪

- All I've ever wanted in my life

is, like, to have a father.

I was trying to get to know him.

And--

- Yo!

- Hey, here's the choocha.

- Ready to go for a run?

- So I'm back in Vegas getting ready for Chippendales.

I love going for a run with you!

- We may be one shy today.

I think Angeliners had surgery yesterday.

Also, Angelina told me the relationship

between her and her fiancé has collapsed.

- Oh.

- Snooki night!

- Girls night with Mike.

- Get it, mama!

- Walking out to do the first pitch, I'm feeling anxious.

I don't want to look stupid at Snooki night.

- Come on, girl. You got it.

- She's frozen. - Oh, my goodness.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Yo, get ready for the takeover ♪

♪ Full disclosure, I'm coming with that bulldozer ♪

♪ Your house of cards about to blow over ♪

- For tonight's first pitch, please

welcome to the field, Snooki!

[cheering]

- I'm kind of nervous.

My kids are my biggest supporters.

Oh, sugar!

f*ck!

- And Lorenzo is really good at baseball.

And I don't want to let him down.

So, now, I got to get my sh*t together.

[tense music]

[cheering]

- Whoo, that was amazing!

- I did it, not bad.

- Snooki has an arm on her.

- I feel like my form was great.

Like, I'm Derek Jeter.

I mean, Lorenzo is going to be proud of me.

[thunder rumbling]

- Um, I think it's lightning.

We might get electrocuted.

- Attention, fans.

Due to the rain, we are still in a weather delay.

Please enjoy more Snooki Night festivities while we

wait for the storm to pass.

- It's pouring.

- I don't think there's going to be a baseball game.

I'm just throwing it out there.

- I have a little secret going on that none of the roomies

know about.

I have to do the contest.

I thought it would be so fun to enter

the Snooki lookalike contest.

Hello! - Oh, my god, hey!

- Are you ready for Snooki Night?

- What do you have?

- So I really hope the contest doesn't get canceled.

- Make your way to the front of the stadium

for a Snooki meet and greet.

- What a sin, it's pouring!

I'm so excited because I love my meet and greets.

- No, that's actually really good.

- No, it's not! - I thought that was me!

Like, this makes me feel accomplished and amazing.

And I'm grateful.

And I'm blessed to, like, have fans.

Nice to meet you!

[upbeat music]

Hey, girl!

Yeah, this is how I got out of work in Italy.

- Can you sign my arm?

- Yeah!

- It's probably a really weird request, but--

- Are you going to, like, get it tattooed?

- Yep.

- That means I have to make it look cute.

- Thank you so much for meeting me.

- Tag me when you get it done.

- I promise I will.

- I'll put it on my story.

- Why don't you hit up single Angeliner

and see what she's doing?

- Angelina was supposed to come today.

But she decided this week that she needed a new boob job.

Hey, Ang. - Hi, Ang.

- Hi.

- You should be laying down, Ang.

[screaming]

- Angelina!

- Her whole t*tties out, whoo!

You're seeing t*ts. I don't want to see it.

It's n*pples!

- Angeliner!

- Oh, she showed her boobie again?

- Oh, sh*t! She got me.

It's just too much.

I miss my boys at this particular moment.

Where is MVP?

- Wait, Ang, is Vinny . still in the house?

- Ah, I told you!

- Oh, wow. - I told you.

- Oh, my god, Chris L. texted her!

- He's like, I love you, all these things.

And then, he's like, hey, if you want to have a baby,

I don't mind giving you my sperm.

- Chris L. is back in the building!

- What?

- I now declare you both husband and wife.

[screaming]

- You're both going to work out and commit to it,

or you leave.

That's it.

- It's like the game of baseball right now.

Chris L. is back in the building.

., he's out at second.

But Chris L. is sliding into home with the sperm, OK?

I'm rooting for him.

- Bring Chris L. back. - Bring Chris L. back.

- I know, Mike. I know.

- ♪ She a good girl ♪

♪ She's my best friend ♪

♪ She's a bring the rainbow when it's raining ♪

- Folks, we're still in a rain delay.

But we'll be having a Snooki lookalike

contest in minutes.

[phone ringing]

- Yo.

- Yo, what's up, fam?

- You good?

- It's tough, man.

It was, like, a two- to three-hour car ride.

And the girls were talking nothing about periods.

- Ugh.

- Like, your vag*na opens up so big.

And, like, the amount of water that came out of me.

- I'm pretty sure I pooped and they didn't tell me.

- Oh, god. - Yo, listen, bro.

You got to get out of there.

You got to get out of there ASAP.

- What are you doing?

- Yeah, I'm just out in Vegas right now.

- Oh, nice!

As soon as Vinny mentions that he's going to be in Atlantic

City for Chippendales, I'm thinking to myself,

of course we are coming.

It's time for the squad to support.

- You should be with MVP.

- All right, definitely, listen.

I got to get out of here. I'll text you later.

- Godspeed, my brother.

- I'm going to meet you. I have to go pee.

- OK.

- This is my perfect time to sneak

off and get into my outfit.

I have an entire Snooki costume in this box right now.

- ♪ I don't care if the people stare ♪

♪ I'ma do me ♪

♪ I'm gonna dye my hair ♪

- I'm gonna win this b*tch.

Where's the beach?

I literally look like Fran Drescher

right now with the big hair.

Mwah!

I look crazy.

- Get down here, Deena.

- Hey, where's the beach?

- Deena looks--

- Where's the stadium?

- --iconic.

- Final call for the Snooki look-alike--

judging in five minutes.

- Mike just called me because he's with all the girls

right now.

And I left him.

So, right now, he's in the middle of, like,

baby talk, period talk.

He sounds like he's going through it right now.

- Say "party's here."

- Party's here!

Oh, my god, this is incredible.

- Where's the beach?

- This is the best Snooki I've ever seen,

outside of the real Snooki.

- Wait, wait, we have another entry!

- Who is that?

- Where's the pitch?

- I can't.

- I'm so impressed.

And I'm like, yes, girl, get it.

- Meatball problems!

- Deena plays a really good Snooki.

- All right, come on and give us your best Snooki

dance moves.

- ♪ Moving too fast, but I still got the class ♪

- Look at her!

- ♪ I'll be on the move ♪

♪ But I'm off the track ♪

♪ I see you looking for me ♪

♪ But I'm not on your map ♪

♪ Less cream, more sugar ♪

♪ I'm not here to meet your mother ♪

♪ Can't stand around ♪

♪ So let me holla at your brother ♪

- Yeah. - [laughing]

♪ ♪

Can I just pick the top three?

- Yeah.

- In my heart, Deena definitely won.

- But obviously, I want to pick one of my fans.

[cheering]

I feel like this is full circle.

When I used to work at Renegades, I told everyone,

I'm going to be famous one day on TV.

And they were like, yeah, sure.

years later, everybody knows what "Jersey Shore" is.

This is amazing.

- You want me to take a picture with you when you're Snooki?

- Sure, thank you.

- And then, seeing all the fans

and they're dressed up like me, I'm like, who am I?

Like, how cool!

- [screaming]

- It's kryptonite!

- Whoo!

- I'm going to proclaim, Jersey Shore Day.

- Let's go!

We got our own day.

- It's Jersey Day in Atlantic City.

And I'm stripping.

- We're in Atlantic City, b*tch.

- You guys will be very shocked that me

and you went on four dates.

- What!

- We were definitely, like, into each other.

- Oh, my god!

We're finding this out f*cking years later?

- He has the photo.

- He does?

- Oh, my god!

- ♪ Is it better now? ♪

♪ Is it better now? ♪

- [sighs]

I feel like I'm going to faint.

So I am recovering from surgery.

I'm not feeling great.

I got my boobs done.

I got them a little bigger because I had to

because I lost so much weight from stress.

But sometimes it hurts like a b*tch, like today.

[phone ringing]

I'm leaking blood out of my t*ts.

And freaking, that sh*t hurts.

Hi.

- How are you doing?

Are you hurting more today?

- As the day goes on, I'm hurting more and more.

Like, you know what I mean?

- I have, like, a bunch of sandwiches

I want to drop off to you, just in case you need food.

- Oh, that's so nice of you to think about me like that.

- I'll be there in, like, .

- Bye.

- Hey. - Hey, girl.

I was gonna stop by Angelina's to make sure she's all good.

- I just had the same surgery.

Like, it is not easy.

I'll see you in a few. - OK.

[upbeat music]

- ♪ You got me so fly, oh, my ♪

♪ Bet I do it better than your old guy ♪

♪ Take you places you gonna like ♪

♪ Temptation on both sides ♪

- Honeys, I just landed.

And I'm heading to Paulie's now.

- Have fun and be safe.

- Love you, honey. I'll text you later.

Girl's day was too much for BDS.

So it was definitely time for an MVP trip.

Let's go!

Yo, what up, man?

BDS is in the building.

- Come on in, man.

We in the back.

- All right.

- Welcome to Vegas. - Damn, what y'all up to?

I just left the ladies.

And now, I stumble upon this.

So I definitely miss my boys.

The feminine energies are starting to wear on me.

Some of the information was TMI, man.

- Oh, man. - Poor Mike.

- Hence why I had to come out and see my boys.

- There's no feminine energy over here.

- No.

[laughs]

♪ ♪

- ♪ Call on me ♪

♪ And I'll be there ♪

- All righty, I know you're sick.

b*tch still got to put on lashes.

- ♪ No mask, no cape to wear ♪

♪ But I can be a hero ♪

- Thanks for meeting me.

♪ ♪

- Hi, you are currently being recorded.

- Is that that?

- I think it's her thing.

- Oh, my god, that scared the crap out of me.

- Sorry, we're not interested.

- The f*ck?

- [laughs]

- Hi!

- Your Ring just talked mad sh*t to us.

- You look great!

- Really?

- Yeah, you look good, better than I

would look after surgery.

- Wait, what did you look like when you got yours?

- This, I looked like this.

- Oh, my god, is that the cat thing I bought you?

- Yes! - The cat tree.

- Look at Big Boy. - Big Boy is a big boy.

- Big Boy is the cutest cat ever.

But he's always got sh*t in his a*s, though.

Oh, my god, Angelina!

- You're the mom.

You have to pull it off.

- I try it!

- You need to clean his as*h*le.

- f*ck my life. Where is he?

- This poor cat.

I don't know what else to say.

Like, buzz this cat's a*s.

- Ew! It's embedded sh*t.

- You gotta f*cking buzz his a*s.

I had to take over.

- I'm going to throw up.

- All right, don't throw up.

- Oh, my god.

- There's more?

- Oh, Jenni, you're a good friend.

- I love animals.

- It's embedded sh*t.

- Oh, my god, hold your f*cking cat!

- I'm going to go to the bathroom.

I'm going to throw up.

- Sam, don't you f*cking--

- I want nothing to do with this.

Good boy, Big Boy!

- Oh, my god, you are--

you're getting the sh*t off.

Damn it, Big Boy.

And watch your hair so I don't shave your hair off.

- God, that's nasty.

- You got it?

- You got to wipe his as*h*le, though, with the baby wipe.

- I just wanted to check on Angelina

to make sure she's good.

And now--

[gagging]

I'm going to go puke now.

- Well, I was hungry, so.

- Well, now, you're not hungry anymore probably.

- Does he know that we're going to Atlantic City?

We got to go out and see this boy out there.

- Yep, Chippendales.

I have downloaded the squad.

So, that's what's happening.

- You don't have to. - Oh, stop.

- Remember, like, "Dancing with the Stars"?

I told you guys, like, let's just wait a little while.

- Can we come this week?

- I'd rather you not.

I'm just trying to focus on the--

- You don't want your friends to support you?

- I don't need that type of distraction right now.

- Oh, come on, man. - We're going.

- We don't have to do all that.

Because then you're going to come.

You're going to go to Short Hills.

You're going to buy another Versace shirt.

- I was trying to be a little subtle tonight.

- I see that!

- It's going to be a whole big thing again.

- So it's always fun for the roommates

to come see me perform.

But I'm always a little scared of what they're

going to do because I do need to put on a show

and concentrate.

- Yo, we got to represent, man. - We gotta support.

- Yeah.

- Have you talked to Chris?

- Yeah.

He's like, hey, if you want to have a baby,

I don't mind giving you my sperm.

How it started was, out of nowhere--

it breaks my heart about your dad

and what you're going through.

I used to watch you sleep at night, all peaceful,

just thinking how much I just want to make you happy

and give you a life and family you never had.

Chris, my ex-husband, we were together

for almost five years.

Chris is a nice guy.

He's never been a bad soul.

All I ever wanted was to make you happy

because I really did love you more

than anyone in this world.

Why is he offering me his sperm?

- He obviously wants more than to be your friend, Angie.

Do you want that?

- I want to have one child.

- Ugh.

No, no, Angelina, you cannot have a baby right now.

- You don't just want to have a random kid with somebody.

Like-- - No, I know.

- There's a lot of responsibility.

- I go back and forth with it.

I don't want marriage.

♪ ♪

But then, I do want a child.

- If it is Chris, you know, that's your own decision.

But there's a lot of responsibility.

[thud] - Who's that?

[distant chatter]

- Mm-hmm.

He's downstairs working out. - Why?

- ♪ Trouble ♪

- I'm just, I'm so confused.

Why is Vinny in the basement right now?

Girl, he can hear this.

- Are you with Vinny?

- I mean, yeah.

But I don't know.

Can he hear me?

- Like, what are you doing?

Chris L. wants to make a baby with her.

Vinny's still living there.

- I knew he's been here.

- Now, I'm a little upset.

Why didn't he clean the cat's a*s?

- ♪ Trouble ♪

[cat meows]

- ♪ I want to make more paper than loose change ♪

♪ I want to be seen in a new range ♪

♪ My notebook is full of stains ♪

♪ It's a new change, I been eating ♪

- Is Vin here?

- Yeah, he's downstairs working out.

Things with me and Vinny took a little bit of a--

[tense music]

A little rough turn a little bit.

But we're trucking along, you know?

- Mike just told us what happened at his house.

So now, I'm confused.

- You and Vin, what's happening with that?

- He claims he has no money.

Then he gets a Porsche truck.

Which one is it?

Are you saving all your money living with me,

or are you not and you're broke?

- I would like to believe that people are not using me.

But it's a sad life right now, in general.

Look what just happened with my father.

- He's like, I need to have this money in my pocket

by this date.

- What the [...]?

- He asked me for money.

And that's not normal.

So, to be honest with you, like,

I just want, like, positivity.

These last three years, it's been bad for me.

I don't think I'm going to get married again.

- No?

- No.

I always, like, thought to myself,

like, why is Jenni not marrying Zack?

I kind of understand now.

I just don't want, like, a repeat of what happened to me

with my divorce and stuff.

Divorce is not easy.

It takes a toll on you.

I'm, like, in this house alone.

It's very emotional.

Still, to this day, I'm struggling.

- And then, you're dragging someone else

into it because I started dating Zack

before I finalized my divorce.

And I always felt guilty for, like,

bringing someone else in when I didn't have, like,

closure yet.

- I'd rather have a kid.

[laughs]

- I know Angelina's life is not where she wants it to be.

But babies do not solve problems.

They actually amplify them.

Like, you can't have kids just to receive something that you

didn't have before growing up.

It can't fill the void.

You have to fix the void to make sure

that they don't repeat the same sh*t

that happened in your life.

And honestly, I would never wish kids

on someone that isn't ready.

- I get what she's saying.

But like, no one is ever ready to have a child.

You just do it.

- I know you really want to get pregnant.

But there's so much sh*t going on in your life right now.

You just got your t*ts done.

You got problems with your family.

Like, everything will come when it comes and will happen.

- Yeah.

- I definitely think Angelina has so much on her plate

right now.

And I really care about her.

She just needs to overall focus on herself.

And everything else will fall into place.

- Thank you guys for coming and, like, really showing up

and shaving Big Boy for me.

He's going to love you for life now.

[laughs]

[whimsical music]

♪ ♪

- Oh, we've arrived, boys.

It's happening.

- This is our spot.

We put this place on our map.

- We got Mike in Vegas.

So it's only right we go to our favorite restaurant.

That's Casa di Amore.

- A table for MVP?

We've been going to Casa di Amore in Vegas for years.

I don't know if I could hold myself

back right now, Vincent.

We're about to eat our best life!

- Hello, guys, how you doing?

- Hi, so good to see you!

- Oh, my god, great to see you!

- There's our girl.

We've had one server at Casa di Amore and no one else.

Oh, my god, she's here!

- How you doing tonight? - How are you?

- Are you going to start with that?

- Hey!

- Oh, my goodness, nice to see you again!

- Good to see you.

You're, like, our designated waitress every time.

- She always takes care of us.

And one time, she called dinner "deener."

- And I got one more for deener.

- For Deener?

- For Deener?

- We have a friend named Deena.

- Dinner!

- Dinner!

- And, like, now, we just always

want her to serve us our deener because it sounds like Deener.

[laughs]

- You know what,

I'm going to try the panzanella salad,

some baked clams, oh, definitely the garlic

clove-- lamb chops, probably?

- He probably wants some more appetizers.

- And a mozzarella stick in there.

- This just turned into a cheat meal.

Don't fill up.

- That's what she said.

What is BVS not ordering is the question?

- Pardon my reach, please.

- Oh, wow, that came out quick, too.

- It definitely did.

Oh, there you go.

- Oh, wow.

- These guys are thorough, man.

- We got the VIPs up in here. - Yeah.

So, how's Nikki? - Oh, she's good.

- She's good?

- I hate Nikki.

- He hates when you mention the main piece when the side

piece is on a date right now.

- Vin, how is single life?

- It feels like a small roster.

- There's a stable.

- I definitely am not a thot anymore, though.

I don't really--

- So you're not in your h* phase anymore?

- No, I don't go out.

I barely drink. - Wow!

- In order for me to be intimate now,

I have to have, like, a spiritual

and emotional connection.

- Wow!

- I think that I was always dating for, like, the moment

and always just trying to, like, think with my d*ck,

you know?

And now, I'm more thinking with my brain

and thinking about the future because I want to start

a family with somebody.

So I'm now looking for a different type of partner.

- Could you imagine being in the dating world

today, going--

- Oh, my god, it's a jungle out there.

- Yeah.

- Well, not even that, it's unlimited options.

- That's what I mean!

- So how did you guys know when you wanted

to actually be with your girl?

- I didn't know.

Me and Nikki, like, we clicked so fast so early.

- Hey!

- When does this Jamaican voodoo wear off?

- There's no voodoo.

It's just vibes, man.

- And then, even that was like, I'm like, oh, sh*t,

I don't know. And I still question myself.

- He rolled solo.

- I'm rolling solo for now.

- But then, I revisited it.

- You hurt my feelings.

You don't care? - I didn't say I didn't care.

- Do you?

- Of course I care.

And then, look at what happened now.

It's like, all right, I'm done being ratchet.

My mentality changed.

Something just clicks in your mind

when it's time to turn down that ratchet life.

You're done with that single life.

You done did it all. Mike went through it.

I went through it.

Now, Vinny's going through it. He's at that point.

It's just like, it's like a light switch.

It clicks.

Before I got back with Lauren, right?

She was engaged.

She picked up the phone.

And she was respectful, right?

- Yeah.

- Once she hung up, she changed her number

because she was a good girl.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- That shows you she's a good girl.

She did the right thing.

- Yeah, she did the right thing.

We got a really good love story, me and my wife.

Lauren's my college sweetheart.

And then we went away from each other because

of our various career paths.

And then, at the right time and right place,

me and my now wife reconnected.

I was done with that ratchet life.

And I wanted more for myself.

So then--

- You got back with her.

- I got back with her because I remembered the last time

that I really was happy.

And it wasn't, you know, the orgies.

- The orgies were pretty lit.

- The orgies were lit, OK?

They were, they were, they were, they were, OK?

But it gets old.

- But I will tell you, though.

When you're dating with intention of the future,

you start to look for different qualities.

Like, in the past, I would look for, like,

a model or a famous girl because she's very popular.

But now, I'm like, how will that benefit me

in terms of raising a family?

Will she be a good mother?

- It gets old, OK?

And you want more for your life and almost, like, your legacy.

And your legacy as a man is family.

And you're trying to build that.

- And I noticed that both of your girls

have those qualities of someone to be a wifey.

- I'm very grateful and thankful for Nikki.

She's awesome.

She's the type of woman that has those caring and nurturing

vibes, family values.

So once he's done with all that ratchetness,

he's going to find the one.

And hopefully it's soon because he's getting up there.

- I'm , you know?

- My boy is becoming a man.

- You're ready to settle down if the right one comes along.

- Yes.

I plan on being a good husband.

So because of that, I'm looking for someone who, like, has

First Lady vibes, who's conservative but mysterious,

who's also a freak.

Don't get me wrong. I'm still a stripper, you know?

- We just have to find somebody that's OK with their boyfriend

taking a shower onstage in Las Vegas in front

of thousands of people.

- Yeah, she don't got to be perfect.

I do come with a little bit of baggage.

- ♪ I'm telling you right now, I'm that player ♪

♪ If you heard that, it's all she wrote, yeah ♪

- ♪ I know what a lot of y'all are thinking ♪

♪ Where the hell I've been? ♪

♪ I've been, I'm a grown man raising boys to men ♪

♪ I've been putting work in on the family side ♪

♪ My quagmire days is over ♪

[phones chiming]

[tense music]

♪ ♪

- What is this?

- This is weird.

- Listen up, Jersey Shore cast.

It's a great day here in the City of Atlantic City.

Can we say great day?

- Great day?

- Great day! - Great day!

- I'm Mayor Marty Small Senior and Mayor of the great City

of Atlantic City.

On September , where I'm going to proclaim

it Jersey Shore Day.

- Let's go!

We got our own day.

- Oh, my god, how cool!

- I got goosebumps.

- This has to be a prank.

- We appreciate all the contributions

that Jersey Shore has made to the great City

of Atlantic City. - Cheers, guys.

- Atlantic City, baby.

- AC, beautiful dinner.

- In AC, everybody has fun, no drama.

- Man, get the [...] out of here.

- You punch me in the face?

- Oh!

- I have a new Atlantic City residency.

If you came to party, make some noise!

- And we look forward to giving you your much deserved honor.

- We're finally getting recognition!

I feel like September , all around Americers, everybody

should have the day off, and everyone just blacks

out and has a meatball day.

Oh, my god, so cool!

- How exciting!

- We're getting our own holiday.

Let's go, baby!

Christmas, Easter, July th,

and now, September ,

Jersey Shore Day.

Yeah, buddy!

At one point in New Jersey, the governor was against us.

And now, the mayor is decreeing a Jerz Day.

Damn!

- Mommy and my friends got a day in Atlantic City.

- September , it's Jerz Day in Atlantic City.

We have our own holiday!

And I'm stripping.

- Bro, did you see that video?

- Dude, this is going to be lit!

- So, are we Christopher Columbus?

- We definitely discovered something.

But it probably was just an STD.

- Literally.

And we're getting honored for it.

- ♪ I seen it with no patience ♪

♪ I dreamed it, and I chased it ♪

♪ Facelift, I gave it ♪

♪ This history in the making ♪

♪ My movies when I make it ♪

♪ My millions they will pay me ♪

- I think I'm going to wear it forever

me and Vinny, perfect.

- Hey, Paula!

- Hi, Nino, nice shirt.

The girls are coming.

- Oh, wait a second.

Wait, there's-- there's Paula's house.

- Hey, girl, hey!

- Yay, come on, Nino.

Come meet your new friends.

- The girls are here!

- Hey!

- Good to see you!

- How you doing?

It's so good to see you.

Are you excited?

Are you going to strip? - Let's go.

I got my Speedos under here. - OK, let me see!

- No, no.

- Whoa, I don't want to hit anybody!

- Show those young whippersnappers

a thing or two.

- Ma.

- Hi, Vin.

- Hey, what are you wearing?

- What do you think?

I'm coming to the show.

You hear them?

- Vinny, Vinny!

- Everybody's ready.

- Atlantic City is, like, Disneyland to -year-old

women in Staten Island.

It just so happens, the show is canceled.

- I am telling my mom that the show is

canceled because it's a little bit of a distraction

that I don't need.

There's always next time.

- OK, love you.

Bye.

- Bye. - Bye.

- I have bad news.

- What?

- He just said that the show was canceled.

- No! - What the f*ck?

What the f*ck?

- What the f*ck is right.

- ♪ If I'm honest, yeah, I took too much ♪

♪ The way I feel, yeah, I fell in love ♪

- What's up, my guy? - What's up, man?

You ready for a road trip or what?

- Let's get it.

- Oh, my god, why did I pack so much?

- I don't know how to work my car.

I'm sorry.

[doorbell rings] - Hello!

- I am all set to go.

Angelina texted me.

She's running a little late.

- She's always late.

- How do you know--

oh, oops.

- Yo, road tripping like old times.

- All right, Atlantic City, here we come.

- Hey, Sam. - Hey.

- Hey, guys!

- Now, we're going to AC!

- Did I bring enough underwear?

Probably not.

- Here we go, AC.

- We're going to humiliate Vinny.

- Road tripper to see a stripper.

- Yeah.

- You think Vinny travels with his c*ck sock?

- ♪ Put 'em up, uh, get 'em up, yeah ♪

♪ Put 'em up, uh, get 'em up, yeah ♪

♪ Put 'em up, uh, get 'em up, yeah ♪

♪ Put 'em up, uh, get 'em up, yeah ♪

♪ No stopping, no stopping, no stopping ♪

- Nice.

I'm telling you guys, being a stripper pays.

I mean, look at this pretty sweet setup.

My Atlantic City weekend is finally here.

A little welcome package?

And this is so cool.

Like, I've never been able to do

this show on the East Coast.

Now, all I got to do is take a shower onstage.

[phone ringing]

- Who's that?

- Yeah. - Hi, honey.

- Why are you laughing, 'cause you're silly?

I rarely get to feel like you're,

like, actually on vacation.

Mom life is just very chaotic.

It's never easy.

Can I see Angela real quick?

- Beyotch!

- Oh, my god!

- That's how she talks to me, our kids.

They're me and Jenni.

They're nine years old and best friends,

text all the time.

I'm not ready for this.

They're literally mini Snooki and JWOWW.

- [shrieks] - Whoo!

I'm like, Jenni, we're going to be in so much trouble.

- Why are our kids like that?

[upbeat music]

- ♪ It's the perfect vibe for a dream tonight ♪

♪ Baby, don't you know ♪

- About to get road snacks.

I knew you was getting a little hungry.

All right, Mike, hurry up because we

got a road trip to do.

- All right.

- Rule number one-- when you go on a road trip,

you got to have supplies.

And what makes it even more fun, you gotta get scratchers!

All right, let's see what we got here.

- Come on, big money, big money, big money.

Oh, we won, we won, we won! - What did we win?

- We won a free ticket. - Where?

- Right there, free ticket.

- Yes!

- Free ticket!

- I knew we was a winner. - Yeah, we're a winner, man.

- All right, we're a winner.

- Let's roll out, man.

I don't want to miss the chooch when he puts on his c*ck sock.

- Are you on the market now?

- No.

- Oh.

- So what's going on with .?

Is he staying in the house?

- Yeah, he still stays in the house.

- So, are you guys together?

- We haven't had sex lately.

But like, I mean, who cares about my sex life, right?

- Are you working it out? That's all.

I mean--

- We're talking, we're talking.

- She says, they are trying to work through it.

And then, she says--

- Aaron Rodgers is fine.

- See, a football player wouldn't be too bad.

- She's just a little all over the place.

- I don't know.

You could tell me if I'm wrong or not.

But I feel like the lack of a father figure

is why sometimes you feel like you need a man--

- Oh, a hund-- - In your life so much.

- That's what therapists have told me.

- Daddy issues, I guess? - That's what it is.

No, it's-- you don't even have to say, I guess.

That % is what it is.

- You just feel like you need a male figure because you

didn't have that growing up.

- I definitely think Angelina has so much on her plate

right now.

I think she just needs to overall focus

on getting herself feeling great again.

- But if you're not OK with it, like,

don't force it just because you want a man in your life.

- All right, bad news is, we're not there yet.

But good news is, we got to pull off for more scratchers.

- More scratchers?

- ♪ ATM ♪

- $ worth, yeah.

- ♪ Cash money, get your wallet ♪

- Yeah, how'd you make out?

- Damn!

- What a bust.

- Let me give the chooch a call,

let him know we're on our way.

- All right. - Yo.

- What's up, choocher?

You excited for your big debut on the East Coast?

- I'm excited for this big D to make his big debut.

- Damn!

We should be on time if this guy

doesn't make any more stops.

- Yeah, I'll see you guys tonight.

- All right, I'm excited to see you with your clothes off.

- Now, you know how they say break a leg?

- Yeah. - Do you say break a d*ck?

We ain't going to say that. f*ck it.

- I'm going to head to rehearsal, all right?

- All right, see you in a little bit.

- See you in a bit.

♪ ♪

- ♪ I could do it all day ♪

- Oh, wait, is that Vinny?

- That's our friend!

- Oh, my god, here for three nights only!

- He's so tan.

He's definitely not that tan in real life.

- No, they Photoshopped him.

But we love him.

- Oh, look at this. Look at this!

Chooch is on the billboard.

- Yo, our boy has really made it to the big time.

- Chooch is on the billboard.

- Is Vinny on a billboard over here in this sh*t?

- I didn't see it.

- That's only Paulie because he's more famous.

- MJ Live, f*ck, I want to go to that.

- My mom's going to that.

- How many people does it say?

- . - Oh.

I am feeling a little bit of pressure

because this is the night where all my roommates are coming.

- I thought it would be funny if we try

and get him to break character.

- I'm always a little scared of what they're going to do.

- What about doing a p*nis and head, like dickhead?

- Mike and Angelina went on four dates.

- What happened on your last date that made it fizzle?

- Do you want me to tell the truth?

- Say it.

[screaming]

[upbeat music]

- ♪ X marks the spot ♪

♪ You can take it, you can have it ♪

♪ You can sh**t your shot ♪

- It's the first night in Atlantic City

for my residency.

- Where is the c*ck sock?

- It's all going to be in your basket.

We gave you four because you get wet.

- Yeah.

Of course, I'm glad I'm doing it local.

Hey, what's up, bro?

Welcome to the East. How are you?

- I'm in your house now, baby.

- Yeah.

And on top of that, tomorrow, we're getting a holiday named

after us on the boardwalk.

The A squad, the A squad!

- ♪ Boss up, got to get your money on ♪

♪ Boss up, boss up, got to get your money up ♪

- We made it. We nailed it.

- The b*tches have arrived!

- OK, I'm going to lose a tit.

- We're under Vinny Guadagnino, the stripper.

- ♪ You better bring the mood up ♪

- We out here.

- Don't forget the scratch-offs.

I got the winning ticket right here.

Oh, VIP check-in.

We're checking in.

Our friend is stripping here tonight.

- We're just going in.

- Oh!

- You OK?

- Everyone is just so excited that Sammi's back.

But what about me?

Like, I've been on the show way longer than she has now.

Everyone knows who Sam is here.

You're a local celebrity.

Hi, we're checking in.

- Where's my boyfriend?

- Hello.

- Look at our little chocolates.

[upbeat music]

- OK, cheers.

- Where are the boys?

- You know what tomorrow is, right?

- Yep, Jersey Shore Day.

- We are in Atlantic City, b*tch.

- Hello!

- Oh, hi, gals!

- Hello? - Hello?

- Hey! - Hi!

- Look who made it. - We're here!

- You made it.

- This is my friend, Jenni.

- Hey!

- Y'all know what tomorrow is, right?

- We are famous.

- Yo, Jersey Shore Day in the building.

- So cool.

- Yo, good to see you guys.

Having some stripping work on the East Coast is pretty fire.

I've been coming to Atlantic City my whole life.

So, it does feel like home.

But I am feeling a little bit of pressure

because this is the night where all my roommates are coming.

This f*cking place is humongous.

How many people does it sit?

- Oh, sh*t.

I'm always a little scared of what

they're going to do because Paulie is always pranking.

- [shouting]

[cheering]

- Champion!

- What the hell?

- And they are a traveling circus.

- I thought it would be funny if we try and get him

to break character while he's onstage.

- All right.

- Your d*ck isn't really big?

No, that's really--

- Oh, damn. - That's actually mean.

- Well, that might make him break character.

Your d*ck isn't that big.

- I come down.

Where will the shower be?

- It'll be about right here.

- I'm a professional.

So I appreciate that all the roommates came to support me.

But I'm a little nervous.

I mean, we know the show.

But I've never done this show on a new stage before.

- Somebody should do a Kourtney Kardashian bit.

- You should put, I'm pregnant.

- Look at me, man.

- Vinny is going to be so embarrassed.

He might hate us.

He's going to hate these signs.

But you know what. We're here to support.

And this is what we do.

- What about doing a p*nis and head, like dickhead?

There's so many options for these signs for Vinny,

like, just a p*nis.

- How do you spell girth? - No, it's a head.

- G-U-R-T-H.

- Choo, chooch frig, chooch kebab.

I don't know.

There's so many things.

- Do you remember his ba*ls?

- I actually don't.

- Honestly, I'm just praying that nothing

goes wrong this first night.

- ♪ Come along for the ride ♪

♪ I don't care if they think I'm out of my mind ♪

- Nicole.

- Are we really doing this?

- Yeah, we're doing this.

- With clothes on!

- Save the Earth and show your girth.

- Marry me, Vinny.

- Yeah!

- Boo!

- He's definitely going to hate us.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- ♪ I'm trying to be somebody ♪

♪ I'm trying to go somewhere ♪

♪ I'm trying to catch that rainbow ♪

♪ I don't even care ♪

- Get your dickhead sign, D.

- I can't wait to walk around the hotel with that one.

- What is family for if they can't roast

you while you're stripping? - Oh, there you are.

- There you are!

- Whoa!

- Whoa, Stacey!

- You look very handsome.

- The goal is to get Vinny's attention.

- Here's your poster.

- We got to get Ang.

- Where's Angelina? - We forgot Angelina.

- She can meet us. She's always late.

Jesus, Angelina's late again.

- ♪ Break it down like an earthquake ♪

♪ Break it down like an earthquake ♪

♪ They couldn't see it on your worst day ♪

- Everybody, tomorrow is national Jersey

Shore Day, September .

Meet us at the boardwalk.

[cheering]

- Ooh, look at this.

- Hi!

- You're an angel.

- Cheers to being a national holiday.

- Cheers, yes!

- Cheers, b*tches!

- We got a holiday!

- September !

- Where's the chooch?

- Do you think he's nervous for his new--

- I think so. - --residency?

- Oh, good for Vinny. - Look at our baby!

- I know.

He's blossoming.

- Ang, would you ever date Vinny?

- No.

- I tried to say, "Oh, just make out with me,"

when I was single.

And he was like, no.

And I'm like, OK.

- That's why we got our own holiday, 'cause we

all hook up with each other.

- Yeah, exactly.

- Yeah.

- That's probably why.

- Well, I feel like, out of everyone,

Sam hooked up with the least amount of people

because you were like, you know?

I did.

The only one I hooked up with was Mike.

- Mike, did you guys--

- What? - Did you guys?

- We made out.

- Yeah, it was--

- It was just tongue. And that was it.

- It was just a make-out, yeah.

- Wow, Mike used to date Sammi.

- Oh, my god, bro.

Oh, my god.

- You kiss everyone!

- You guys will be very shocked that me

and you went on four dates!

- What?

- It has been revealed that Mike and Angelina

went on four dates.

- No!

- What?

- What do you mean, you went on dates?

- We went on a couple of dates.

And we were definitely, like, into each other.

We were. - Oh!

- You definitely were into me. And I was into you.

- My god!

Are you kidding?

Oh, my god.

We're finding this out f*cking years later?

- Your casting tape, you didn't say that you knew her.

- Before the show was picked up in ,

me and Angelina went on a couple dates.

- How did you guys not know this?

- Right?

- You never told us!

- I could probably find the photos--

- Oh, my god!

- --of us at the club.

- He has the photo!

- Oh, wow!

- Oh, my god!

- Oh, no!

- Let me see that.

- Paul, you're going to die.

You're going to die.

- I need to see that.

Oh, my god, look at that.

- If you would've sucked his d*ck--

- His face was really red.

- He was like, she's going to blow me tonight.

[laughter]

- Yup, yup.

- What happened on your last date that made it fizzle?

- No, no, no. - What, Ang?

- Yeah.

- Do you want me to tell the truth?

- Yes.

- Oh!

- Oh, wait-- your truth is probably

different than my truth.

Be careful.

- I'll say it in a nice way.

- Go ahead.

♪ ♪

Say it.

[screaming]

- What the f*ck goes on?

- I hereby recognize today as Jersey Shore Day.

- Jerz Day!

- Sam's back.

[cheering]

- We get it.

It's getting annoying to hear.

- Stop throwing my name around.

You're pissing me off.

I've just had enough.

- I'm coming out of here.

- Angelina!